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“Alright, that’s it, I’m going over,“ Gillian decided and got up from the table.
“I’m sure it’s alright, love…“ Alan protested but the sheep farmer wouldn’t hear about it. She grabbed her phone and car keys.
“It’s just not like her, is it?“ She explained. “We’re all here for Sunday dinner, Flora is here after her sleepover with Calamity, it’s not like Caroline would forget about her own daughter and she’s not picking up her phone.“ She punched in Caroline’s number one last time for good measure but again, the call went straight to voicemail.
“Well, we can always take Flora over there on our way home later,“ Celia volunteered but Gillian shook her head.
“No, no, you stay here wi’ kids, they’re playing nicely, I’m going over there. What if something has happened?“
“I think it’s far more likely she’s wrapped up in work and forgot the time…“ Celia carried on but by this point, Gillian was already out of the door.
The drive over to Caroline’s new house was not nearly as long as going back and forth to Harrogate had been and Gillian put her foot down. It wasn’t like Caroline at all to forget about Sunday dinner and not answer her phone. She must have turned it off or run out of battery or be somewhere where she didn’t have any signal. She could only hope it wasn’t the latter, or she would have no chance of finding her.
Gillian gave a sigh of relief when she pulled up at her step-sister’s and spotted the Jag in the drive.
“Caroline? Open up, it’s Gillian!“ She called, banging on the door. “Caroline?“
Fortunately, Gillian was in possession of a spare set of keys for emergencies and she decided this constituted one.
The light was on in the kitchen, which was another good sign. Unless Caroline had gone out on foot, she should be here.
“Caroline?“ Gillian called again but there was no answer. Caroline wasn’t in the kitchen or the living room so the sheep farmer ventured deeper into the house. The bedroom was empty too - Gillian was so worried by this point that she didn’t stop to think if Caroline would mind her just walking into her bedroom.
“CAROLINE!“ She exclaimed when she finally found her, collapsed on the desk in her study. Gillian rushed over to her, all sorts of terrifying thoughts crossing her mind as the other woman wasn’t moving. She wrapped her arms around her shoulders and pulled her up and Caroline awoke with a start.
“Oh my God, Gillian?“ The headteacher was disoriented, she pressed her hand to her chest where her heart was hammering furiously, she had given her a terrible fright. The experience was mutual.
“I thought you’d had a bloody heart attack!“ Gillian exclaimed as she stepped back, taking a couple of deep breaths to regain control of herself. She ran her hand through her hair and started laughing. What a relief, she had just been asleep.
“I’m not that old yet…“ Caroline huffed, rubbing her face with a deep sigh on her lips.
“Well…“ Gillian grinned.
“Fuck off…“ Caroline groaned and waved her hand to slap her arm but Gillian was quick to step out of reach. “I’m just… exhausted…“ the headteacher mumbled, running her fingers through her hair. She buried her face in her hands so she wouldn’t be left looking at the pulsating cursor against the white of a still blank document on her computer screen. She had fallen asleep over her work, her resources spread out around her and nothing to show for it.
“You’ve been working too hard,“ Gillian observed as she took in the scene.
“There’s just so much to do. I knew it wouldn’t be easy but…“ Caroline drew a shaky breath. “I think I’m in over my head. And I can’t fail, not after everything, I’ve got to show them I can do this and… and…“ She shook her head to herself, her voice strained and heavy and so unlike the always-confident and always-in-control Dr. Caroline McKenzie-Dawson Gillian knew.
“Take a breath, okay, you’re okay,“ Gillian said softly and placed her hand on the headteacher’s shoulder. The tender gesture was obviously too much in Caroline’s fragile state and she gave a strangled sob.
“I’m not okay, Gillian, I’m really not okay,“ she whispered, as desperate tears blurred her bright blue eyes.
“Maybe not but you will be,“ Gillian hummed gently and reached out to close the books in front of her step-sister. “Here, put these away…“
“I’ve got to finish that, it’s Monday tomorrow, I…“ Caroline started to protest, shooing her hands away but the sheep farmer wasn’t so easily put off.
“Just for a little while, Caroline, please, trust me. I drove all the way over here, I expect at least a cup of tea,“ she insisted and tugged at Caroline’s chair, prompting her to get up.
“Right, okay, yeah, of course, I…“ It was as if Caroline only just remembered that this was her house and there were certain rules to hosting. It was a clear testament to her frame of mind. Under normal circumstances, Caroline would never have failed to offer tea. She got to her feet and stumbled. Gillian was at her side to catch her.
“Steady on,“ the sheep farmer pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back comfortingly. “You know what, maybe we’ll skip tea, bedroom instead?“
“Well, that’s a bit forward, Gillian, don’t you think?“ Caroline managed a weak joke as she rested her head on her shoulder for a brief moment of comfort. “You haven’t even bought me dinner yet.“
“If anyone is buying anyone dinner, it’s you,“ Gillian declared, chuckling. “I’m free next Saturday, you can take me out to say thank you for hurling your arse to bed.“ She pulled away from the hug once she was sure that Caroline was steady on her feet and walked her to the door.
“I’ve got work to do next weekend, I need all the time I can get, I…“ Caroline started protesting but Gillian wouldn’t hear of it.
“No, Caroline, you don’t. What you need to do is to look after yourself,“ she insisted as they made their way to the bedroom. “You’re not helping anyone if you run yourself into the ground.“ Her voice was stern and left no room for protest. Nevertheless, she was surprised when Caroline just nodded when she sat her down on the bed.
“Right…“ the headteacher sighed.
“Now, you just lie down, sleeping at your desk is only gonna do your back in and then what are you gonna do?“ Gillian eased her down and pulled the duvet back. “I’ll have to move in here next to help you round the place and neither one of us wants that,“ she carried on and was pleased when Caroline chuckled at the very idea. “I’ll go and make tea, you stay here. Sleep if you want, don’t keep yourself awake on my account.“ Gillian straightened herself up with a satisfied nod once Caroline was tucked up in bed. She turned to leave but the headteacher grabbed her arm.
“Gillian, don’t go,“ she said softly and pulled her back.
“Right, okay…“ Gillian perched on the side of the bed, and watched curiously as Caroline moved her hand down from her arm to intertwine with her fingers instead.
“I… I genuinely don’t know if I can do this…“ Caroline whispered softly and looked up to her. She looked worn out, exhausted and weak and it broke Gillian’s heart.
“Now that’s just stupid…“ Gillian shook her head and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. She leaned over her and brushed back her silky blonde hair with her free hand. “You’re Dr. Caroline McKenzie-Dawson. You can do anything.“ The sheep farmer smiled, stroking her thumb along her cheek that was damp with tears of exhaustion.
“You really think so?“ Caroline mumbled and Gillian smiled:
“I know so,“ she stated. “Besides you’ve got nothing to prove.“ She sat herself up again and moved back, until she was sat against the headboard. She continued to hold on to Caroline’s hand while the headteacher shuffled over a little to make more room for her.
“That’s where you’re wrong. I have to prove that I’m still a capable headteacher after they fired me,“ Caroline mused, rolling onto her side so she could look up at Gillian more easily.
“They didn’t fire you, you left voluntarily…“ the sheep farmer interjected.
“Before they could fire me…“ Caroline held firm. “And besides, I’m nearly 50 and I’ve got a pre-schooler. I have to stand there with all the young mothers proving that I’m still as enthusiastic and energetic as them, when really, I’m just so bloody tired and…“
“Fuck ‘em,“ Gillian huffed. “You’ve raised two kids already, they’ve got all that to come and you and I both know what a pain teenagers can be, you just wait, they’ll get their just dessert…“ She stroked the back of her hand absentmindedly.
“And I want to have something for myself too, again, at some point… I’m so… lonely with all this…“ Caroline confessed, completive, as she acknowledged how nice it felt to have her hand held like this.
“What about Olga?“ Gillian suggested and the headteacher huffed:
“It’s not just the sex, Gillian, I want to, one day, be able to share my life with someone again and who would take all this on?“ She drew a deep breath. “An overworked headteacher that’s about to hit menopause with a school age child! That package is bound to scare anyone off.“
“Doesn’t scare me.“ Gillian shrugged and Caroline chuckled:
“Yeah, well, that’s 'cause you’re an idiot.“
“Maybe that’s what you need. Maybe you need an idiot that will put up with all your shit and cares for you anyway,“ the sheep farmer retorted. “Someone who’s gonna put you to bed when you’ve overdone it. Someone who’s gonna mind Flora when you’re working. Someone that you don’t have to prove anything to.“
Caroline looked up to Gillian as if she had only just noticed her sitting there. She reached out with her free hand, placed it at the base of Gillian’s neck that she could just about reach, and pulled her down. The sheep farmer yelped in surprise but didn’t protest when she landed on top of Caroline. There was a moment of stillness as both women seemed to contemplate the best way forward. It was Gillian who took the plunge. She leaned down and placed a loving, soft kiss on Caroline’s lips.
“Gillian…“ the headteacher whispered, looking up at her in awe.
“You need to sleep, you’re becoming delirious,“ the sheep farmer grinned and pushed herself up, pleased with the effect she seemed to have on the other woman.
“Will you stay?“ Caroline asked in a small voice, her hand wrapping around her arm.
“Well, someone has to make sure you don’t succumb to your self-inflicted wounds…“ Gillian sighed theatrically and kicked off her shoes so she could get into bed properly. “Might as well be the dopey sheep farmer from round the corner, eh?“ She wrapped her arms around Caroline who hummed in exhausted agreement:
“Now, that would be defying expectations…“
“Wouldn’t it just,“ Gillian chuckled and placed a loving kiss between her shoulder blades, just to find the headteacher had already fallen asleep.