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He sat down on the bench, looking at the sun setting on the far mountains that surrounded the SMP. The wood of the bench was dusty and getting discoloured, but this was still his comfort spot since the revolution started.
The air felt lighter and the sky was brighter and more colourful when Tubbo climbed up to the bench. Giving him some minutes to relive the short-lived childhood he had. His small yellow ears twitched every now and then with the breeze, and for a moment he would pretend that the horns at the top of his head where gone.
The crater where L´Manberg once stood was visible from his position, haunting him about his mistakes and past.
Everybody knew that Tommy and Tubbo were the inseparable duo of the SMP, always together doing god knows what and only showing off after they burned down something. Now, after countless wars and skirmishes, nobody knew anymore if those two were still on good terms.
Tubbo missed the early days of L´Manberg, when it was just a drug van where Wilbur and Tommy used to mess with potions, back when he and Dream would joke around about being moobbloom hybrids and Jschlatt was still busy in another server. Way back before the walls were set and he was thrown to battle.
Hell, he even missed the days after Eret´s betrayal that left him restless for weeks on end.
The memory when his brother first arrived to the SMP was bittersweet, and the memory of his brother having a heart attack and dying right in front of him would haunt him for the rest of his life.
The boy would forever remember the Dreamon hunt, the wedding, the speedrun drama, the jackbox games and the antics of everyone before they changed.
Now the land that used to represent hope smelled like dried blood, sweat and gunpowder.
He saw as L´Manberg was blown to the skies for the first and second time, he stood there as his so supposed ally pointed a crossbow at him; he stood there and watched as several Withers plagued the skies of the server, and he stood there as the three most powerful men carved a crater that reached bedrock.
Tommy always played the hero, and Tubbo was always his sidekick. Everybody failed to realize that each time his smile was less and less bright.
Tubbo was pushed forward to be the president of the new nation, and nobody asked the boy if that’s what he truly wanted. He made a choice, to exile his best friend, not knowing the outcome of that decision.
“What about the disks, Tubbo?!” the blonde demanded as he faced off his friend. The other boy tried his best to ignore his antics as Tommy screamed “we fought for them, we bleed for them, we died for them! Are you really letting him get away with this?”
The yellow-haired boy turned around, facing Tommy “It’s not the end of the world, Tommy” Tubbo screamed, trying to get some sense into his friend´s head
“They´re only disks”
There was a heavy silence in the room before the blonde boy spoke, his voice low and dripping with venom. The disks in his hands shined with a dangerous gleam.
“They matter more than you do to me”
Tubbo watched as his best friend left the room, dragging his sword behind him.
For the first time since Technoblade killed him, Tubbo let himself cry in front of the others. He was all alone, his friend left him.
Days after that, Tubbo couldn’t help but to resent his old friend. Hell, he didn’t even want to enter this server; Tommy had been very stubborn about joining.
It was all Tommy´s fault, he was trapped in a place he didn’t want to be all because his friend decided it would be fun. He lost his older brother to a war that was never his. He died again and again trying to defend a nation that wasn’t even his, only for it to be blown up by its own founder.
Dream wasn’t the bad guy, he just wanted to keep his home as safe as possible. Wilbur wasn’t the bad guy, he was only led astray, Schlatt wasn’t the bad guy, he just lost himself into an addiction.
The bad guy was Tommy.
He lost everything because of Tommy.
Days turned to weeks, and Tubbo´s anger never dissipated, not even after locking Dream away in the Vault. He´d usually sit on the bench and cry his anger out. He missed his brother, he missed his family.
He missed the early L´Manberg.
He missed everybody.
“He died in prison” Ranboo said as he cried silent tears that burned his skin and would probably scar later. Tommy´s fate was horrible as he was beaten to death by Dream “Sam has filled the report, it said that Tommy bothered Dream to the point that the man snapped”
“H-he was beaten to death soon after”
What a brutal way to die. Oh well…
The ram hybrid started at him, not even blinking, his brown eyes dull and lifeless yet they held a gleam of satisfaction that was almost invisible. If Ranboo looked closely, he could see a small smile form in his friend´s face “…okay” he said as he carried on his duties.
The funeral was bittersweet for all the members of the server.
He guesses he owned Dream some well-deserved thanks for getting rid of him.
Later that day, he joined Bad and Ant to celebrate his friend´s death in his old house. Trashing the place up with blood vines and junk and claiming that their problems were resolved. Puffy arrived at the scene not long after, screaming profanities and trying to fix the house.
Never once that night did Tubbo felt the need to cry.
After all, the disk mattered more than him, so if Tommy was dead, then Tubbo wasn’t obligated to grieve for someone that never even cared for him in the first place.
Michel arrived at his life, all bubbly and cheerful, and he and Ranboo took care of him as their parents. Slowly but surely, the server was building itself back up.
Maybe things were going to get better for him, he thought. And truth to be told, it was getting better.
Until he saw a familiar blonde standing in front of his doorstep.