Chapter Text
Tuesday, 17 May 2078 | 15:32
It’s been quiet around the Ward-Dahlin house this week, and not in a good way either. V has been struggling with a personal demon (or several) for a while now and it didn’t seem as if she was even close to winning this fight.
She’d go through bad patches in the past, sure, but never this intense. While River had been giving her space to figure it out on her own, knowing that she’d talk it out with him when she was ready, it broke his heart to see her like this. So distant and in so much pain. So alone.
She melted into him whenever he pulled her close or offered comfort, but she still didn’t talk to him about it and the helplessness he desperately tried to shove aside was tearing him apart. If only he knew what was wrong. He tried to keep his mind busy instead, tried not to make assumptions.
River was in the kitchen taking his frustration out on foodstuffs when he heard a noise, a loud crash. It was followed by V first swearing, then shouting. He dashed out the door, abandoning the tomatoes and onions he’d been vehemently slashing at just seconds earlier.
River came running around the corner to see her kick at a toolbox before throwing a lug wrench to the ground. V had been working on her Arch Nazaré, working on the brakes if his knowledge of motorcycles wasn’t letting him down.
It used to be Jackie’s bike. V cherished the Arch, and one could even go so far as to say it was her most treasured possession. It was an unspoken rule in the world of V, everyone who loved her knew and respected this one rule: no one else touched the Arch. Ever.
“You okay, babe?” River asked tentatively when he slowed down, not sure if she needed him around or wanted to be alone. This was really unchartered territory for him, actually. V was in a state he’d never seen before.
She is many things, sure. She is passionate and fiery and loving and stubborn and sometimes crazy but mostly hot-headed. They’ve been through every aspect of the human condition together, or so River had believed until recently.
She was there for him and Joss through Randy’s ordeal. Heck, she was there for Randy when he needed to heal and move past the trauma of his kidnapping and everything unspoken that went with it, even though it must have broke her.
River learned after the fact that V had personal experience with that. That she, too, was a victim of that kind of trauma, even though one would never know just by looking at her. They’ve worked through it and survived that as well, as a family. He was there for her when she dealt with demons from her past. And when she almost died.
They’ve fought and screamed at each other with as much passion as they've fucked each other. They’ve been tender and gentle and worked through each other’s pain and suffering. Whether they wanted to rip each other's head off or rip their clothes off, it had always been together, never this… this chasm between them.
But this was new. This was different. V gave the toolbox another kick and mumbled something about monobloc callipers and worn out brake pads. From the looks and sound of it, she was in the process of servicing the brakes and broke a gator or pin or something. River wasn’t going to pretend to be that knowledgeable about bikes.
“The fucking thing just snapped”, V said as she buried her face in her hands. It left a grease streak across her cheek, but she was hardly aware of it. She stared at her feet for a while, digging her toe into the dirt, still unable to look at him.
Eventually, she just broke down completely and crumpled to the ground. Even that she did gracefully, folding into herself until she sat slumped over between the toolbox and the bike, her legs drawn up and her elbows resting on her knees.
Her cheeks were wet. V never cried in front of others, not even him if she can help it. And seeing her like this absolutely broke River’s heart. River slowly sat down beside her, not daring to say a word, but refusing to leave her like this.
They sat in silence for a while, when V finally spoke up again. Soft, the fight had left her lungs and she was just staring out into the distance.
“It was his birthday last week, you know. Jackie. He would have turned 31.”
Ah, it all makes sense now.
They’ve spoken about Jackie in the past. River knew about the job at Konpeki Plaza that claimed Jackie’s life. V had even once taken him to the tomb at the Columbarium. He knew Jackie was the most important person in her life, and he knew the wound was still raw even now, more than a year later.
“I’m sorry, V”, was all River said, for now, as he pulled her into a hug. She didn’t protest. He held her tight while she told him about bits and pieces she could remember from their time together, when she had just arrived in Night City after leaving the Bakkers and Dahlins.
How she was alone in the world when the family fell apart, truly alone in every sense of the word, and how Jackie helped her make sense of life again. How he could be such a dork at times. How he was chasing the big leagues and just wanted to make a name for himself. In neon letters.
“And you know what really fucks with my head? All this time I’ve been trying to survive the Relic, it never occurred to me that Jackie could have still been alive. Because of it. Just one seemingly insignificant action between him being dead and him being here. He’d be fucked like I was, but he would have had a chance”.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, as Vik explained to me, the Relic only started overwriting my neural network after I died. After Dex put a bullet in my brain. I had that chip in my head for hours before he shot me, and I was fine. The Relic wasn’t active.”
“I’m not following. I get how the Relic only messed with your brain later, but how does that relate to Jackie?”
“The Relic’s cryo-container took damage while we were trying to escape Konpeki Plaza. It would have been damaged beyond repair if Jackie hadn’t slotted it into his port. But he removed it seconds before he… before he died. Gave it to me for safekeeping.
“And the fact that I only connected the dots this week, of all weeks, on his fucking birthday, is really doing my head in. If he hadn’t removed the Relic, he would have died in the Delamain, yes sure, but he would have been resurrected, y’know, once his brain was dead and the Relic started rewriting his neural network”.
River didn’t really know how to respond to that, so he just held her tighter, waiting for her to continue.
“Five seconds, River. Five fucking seconds. If he had just left the Relic in his fucking head for five more seconds, he would have died with the Relic and it would have saved him. Yeah, he would be dying slowly afterwards, like I was. But I’m here now. He could have been… he...”
She trailed off, sobbing against his chest again.
“He could have been here now”, River completed her sentence as he pulled her tight against him, wrapped both arms around her shoulders and tucked her in under his chin. He held her like that until she quieted down and the tears stopped.
It was mid-afternoon, they still had a few hours before dusk sets in. River had a plan.
“Come,” he said as he pushed himself up and pulled her with him.
“What? Where are we going?”
“We’re getting out of here. Birthdays are meant to be joyous occasions. We’re going to celebrate Jackie’s life”. River started walking towards the house, but stopped and turned around when he realized she wasn’t following.
She was still standing next to the bike, just a smidgen out of his reach, looking at him with so much love and affection that his heart was going to shatter again, but this time in a good way. He reached out to her again and she all but ran into his arms, holding on to him tightly.
“I fucking love you, do you know that? How did I luck out like this?”
“You’re surprised?” River joked as he held her tight, lightening the mood. He was good at that.
“I’m never not going to care about you, Valerie. I’m never not going to try everything in my power to make you happy. Didn’t I promise to do whatever it would take, to make you smile at least once a day?”
He did. She remembered it like it was yesterday. It was the day she moved out of her apartment in the city and moved in with River and Josh and the kids. Before they even had their own place. At the time, it felt like they were moving too fast, and she almost bailed on him. And on the Wards.
River gave her the space she needed to clear her head, and when the panic subsided, he sat her down and explained that being in each other’s lives meant she didn’t have to face anything alone ever again.
That he knew she was very capable on her own and that he won’t be taking away any of her power, but being partners meant they could rely on each other 100%, that there was no need to be strong all the time.
They could be weak if they needed to, knowing the other was there to catch them. Knowing that they had a wonderful support system, a safety net. But it would only work if they were both all in.
“You are amazing, Riv”.
“I try”, he laughed again. “Come, let’s get you cleaned up. Your face is covered in grease, and as much as it suits you… What? You pull it off!” – he dodged a playful punch as he said it – “you’d feel better after a shower anyway”.
He was too worried about her earlier to pay any attention to her shorts or the grey tank top she had knotted right under the curve of her breasts. Or her long legs and bare feet, or how she was covered in dust and dirt from fidgeting with the bike.
He definitely noticed it now but resisted the urge to run his hands up her sides, to tuck at the tank top's knot, to pull it up over her head and... River controlled himself as he cupped her face in his hands and planted a gentle kiss on her forehead instead.
“I need to let you take care of me more often.”
“Mhm. You really do”, he said sagely, and followed her into the house.
River packed away the half-prepared Jambalaya ingredients that would have been lunch and cleaned up the kitchen while V was in the shower. They’ll eat later. He packed a few things for their mini road trip and secured it safely under the tarp of his Thornton, rushing so it’s all covered up before V sees what he has planned.
He turned around just as she opened the front door, and leaned back against the side of his truck, arms crossed and taking in the view. V may think she lucked out but he was the lucky one here. She truly was something else, this woman of his.
Soft and beautiful yet somehow also so hard and deadly it boggles the mind. Her hair was still damp from the shower and cascaded over her shoulders. She was dressed in her favorite black leather pants, a pair of biker boots and a brown leather jacket. A tank top underneath showed just enough midriff to keep River’s attention.
V flashed a knowing smile as she walked past him and hopped into the passenger seat. Clearly opening up to River had taken some of the weight of her shoulders and he was glad to see the beginnings of a sparkle in her eyes again.
He smirked back at her, shook his head and reminded himself to focus. This was about V, not the effect she had on him or all the things he wanted to do to her. She needed this. She needed to remember Jackie in a way that would bring a smile to her face again.
“Alright then, let’s go”, River said as he started the ignition.