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eight legged drowning - or Gants horrible not good bad time

Summary:

Manfred didn't know what to think when he opened the door to his shared hotel room with Gant, only to see that water was staining the carpet before the bathroom and that incoherent yelling came out of said bathroom.

Notes:

sorry to anyone that expected an update on any of my other fics, this crack ship broke into my home, stole my children and destroyed my life

anyway here it is and i wont apologize

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Manfred didn't know what to think when he opened the door to his shared hotel room with Gant, only to see that water was staining the carpet before the bathroom and that incoherent yelling came out of said bathroom. When the trip was first scheduled, he was instinctively opposed to the idea of sharing a room with this horribly obnoxious individual. The only reason he even agreed to it at the end of the day was because the alternative would have been to share a room with Edgeworth, and he would rather keel over and die than voluntarily share a room with that traumatized piece of work; so spending only one night with the water loving detective seemed to be the lesser evil.

But now, after coming back from an exhausting, but naturally perfect case, being met with cursing from the bathroom wasn't the most exciting of situations.

“Gant, what in god's name are you doing at this hour?“ Manfred asked the room as he made his way to the open bathroom door. Careful not to walk into the water puddle in front of the entrance, he looked into the bathroom and was reminded again as to why he didn't want to spend a day in the same room as Gant.

The inside of the bathroom looked like a bad crime scene. Towels and shower items were flung around the room, but instead of blood, the room was covered with water. Every possible surface was dripping with water, not even the radiator had been spared. He was kinda disappointed it wasn't covered in Gants blood. And pressed against the wall next to the door was Gant. Pant legs and the cuffs of his uniform drenched in water.

“What are you doing?“ Manfred scowled at him.

The horrible annoyance of a man seemed to finally realize Manfreds presence as he quickly turned to him.

Wide eyed and a shower hose in hand, Gant finally spoke after giving Manfred a one over “Oh thank god, Manny, you're here!“

“Of course i am. I returned exactly when I said I would.“perfectly on time, a von Karma is never late, “Now please tell my why in gods name the bathroom looks like there has been a damn murder?“

“Because there nearly was one!“

“Oh really?“ For multiple reasons he seriously doubted that and Gant seemed to notice.

“I'm serious, there was an attempt on my life. It was horrible.“

“And who's the culprit?“

“Spider.“ Gant spoke that one word with so much hatred Manfred was nearly certain that he misheard him. It couldn't be that this six foot one, hardened detective, sixty percent muscle, ridiculousness of a man was scared of a damn spider.

“Excuse me?“

Gant opened his mouth to reiterate his point before he seemed to spot something in the corner of his eye. He fucking screeched before pointing the nuzzle of the shower head to where he apperently saw something, pressing the button on. The showerd head fired, water splashing against the opposite wall, before abruptly stopping again.

Manfred was pretty sure he just witnessed what exactly happened to the bathroom.

“Why the hell did you do that?!“

“I thought i saw the spider!“

That confirmed it. This six foot one, hardened detective, sixty percent muscle, man child of a man was scared of a got damn spider.

“Why in god's name did you think that spraying it with water was even an remotely good idea?!“

“Well i was in the bathroom when i saw it and i didnt have my gun with me so-”

“Hold it! Do you seriously want to tell me that your first thought when you saw a small spider was to get your gun!? What were you gonna do? Shot it!?“

“Yes! What else would I do with a gun?“

“I don't know, but shooting a spider is one of the last things you should do with it!“

“Well I'm the one with a gun here so m-” Gant couldn't even finish his sentence before he apparently saw the spider again, screeched, again, and sprayed the wall next to Manfreds shoulder. Said man barely managed to get his body out of the way, and he was immediately struck with a peculiar feeling of deja vu and what if.

“Okay, enough of this nonsense. Give me that!'' Without waiting for Gants' approval, Manfred moved into the bathroom and quickly took the shower hose into his own hands. The wet splashing of water under his shoes made him extra grateful that he didn't decide to switch to home shoes.

"Oh thank goodness, you are my savior Manny." Gant was apparently thankful that he was finally able to leave the shower room as he quickly pushed past Manfred and proceeded to push him further into the wet room. Maybe he'd just been relieved to find a sacrifice for the spider to devour instead of him, or whatever absurd thought had drifted through the infuriating man's mind. “Good luck with the hunt!“

“Don't assume I'm a fool like you, Gant. '' Manfred turned around to see the tall man watch him from the safety of the hall of the hotel room. “I'm just going to put it back in its place. And then you can try to kill the spider with a more conventional metho-”

Suddenly, as if the spider knew it was being talked about, Manfred saw something small and black slowly begin to float in front of Gants face. No, not float. The spider seemed to slowly glide down from a string from Gants giant front look of hair.

Gant didn't seem to notice it, and instead the man seemed to be more concerned about Manfred's sudden pause and the fact that he seemed to be pointing the hose directly at his face. “Hey now, Manny. There's no need to do anything irrational.“ Manfred tightened his grip on the shower head and his finger began to slowly descend to the on button “I have been a great help with forgin evidence haven't i? I dont think youd want to do anything stupid-”

Phishhh

Without even registering it, Manfred pressed the button while pointing the nuzzle towards the spider, and so, also pointing on Gants forehead. Only the loud screech of the man after he was sprayed with ice cold water awakened him out of his hase. He blinked twice to register what exactly just happened. When he realized, Manfred couldn't help but smirk at the pathetic display before him as he finally took it in. The man was dripping wet now, his stupid front lock patheticly lost its volume and useely clinged to his head, while his obnoxious rose tinted glasses were hanging half way off his face.

If karma won't get you, I will.

While Manfred was still smirking Gant looked at him with an ice cold stare and tightly pressed his lip together, not in a smile for once “Now why did you think that was a good idea?“

“Oh i simply mimicked what you did to prove to you first hand how utterly ridiculous your plan was.“ Gant still stared at him unimpressed. “Also because the spider was hanging off of your stupid front lock.“

“...What?“

“Speaking of which, it seems to be gone now. Thank me later.“

Panic suddenly replaced Gants stare and before Manfred could even register what was happening he had already begun to frantacly take off his jacket.

“Why are you taking your jacket off now? At least do it where I can't see you,“ Manfred scoffed at the panicked man.

 

“Because,“ Gant looked up to send him a death glare, “someone, and I'm not naming names, thought it would be a good idea to spray me with water while the spider was on top of me-“

“I'd say thats your own fault for doing something so stupid in the first place.“

“But tell me Manny. Where do you think the spider is now, huh?!“ Gant had already finished taking off his jacket and was now beginning to unbutton his black dress shirt.

“I'd say it must have been washed away with the water. So that means...“ Manfred looked at the water soaked clothes of the detective.“It's probably still on you.“

“Exactly!“ The obnoxious detective seemed to have a hard time controlling his voice, as any decent person wouldn't yell at this time in the night. Manfred of course blamed him fully for it.

By now Gant had managed to fully take off his dress shirt and with something of abject horror and disgust, Manfred noticed that he had begun taking off his belt. He quickly brought up his hand to protect his eyes from whatever horror the foolish man was soon to unleash.

“Gant don't you dare take off your goddamn pants!“

“What else should i do, keel over and die?!“

“Yes!“ That would be the most favorable outcome for Manfred.

“Well that might happen soon if i don't find that spider!“

“Wundervoll, please take your time then!“

Gant did not argue back and instead settled on throwing his belt hard in front of Manfred.

“Stop taking- Dont- Dont take off your pants- gott verdammte scheisse- Gant!“

The horrible excuse of a human being apparently suddenly became deaf as he, against Manfreds protests, took off his pants and tossed them on the floor. He then proceeded to stomp on them and his others clothes, creating such a ruckus that Manfred nearly believed an earthquake struck at the exact same moment.

After about a minute of blind stomping Gant finally stopped and looked oddly proud of himself.

“That wretched beast should be dead for good now.“

At the exact same moment a small black dot darted into Manfred peripheral vision and with one perfect step, he squashed the spider under his heel.

Now, it's dead for good.“

Both men let out a sigh of relief,though the prosecutors came out more like a scoff. One source of his annoyance was now dealt with, leaving him to deal with the half nacked one standing in front of him. Sadly, this one couldn't just be squashed under his heel.

It was only after he looked up at Gant again, his hand shielding anything he really did not want to see right now, did he notice something.

“Gant, are you wearing stockings?“

Said black stockings wearing man looked down to his legs and back up at him “Yes. What about it? Do you want to issue a complaint?“

Manfred stared past his hands at him“...They look terrible. Now put your damn clothes back on you fool.“

Gant proceeded to stare at Manfred with an unreadable expression on his face, but the prosecutor had no more patients left for the man and turned around, cautiously moving over any of the puddles, to bring the shower hose back to its original position. Letting his eyes wander over the mess that the bathroom was, he was aware that the hotelstaff would certainly complain. But what did he care? They should be grateful that he even stayed at this third-class hotel in the first place.

Ignoring the human tragedy of a man still crouching on the floor, Manferd walked over to his bed (which was not next to the window since Gant snatched that one the second they stepped into the room because of course he would) and sat down on it. He let out a deep breath and let a sense of relief wash over him.

Manfred didn't know what time it was about now, but he didn't even want to check the clock at this point because if he figured out how much time the blundering fool stole from him, he might actually snap. Instead, he concluded that going over today's case again would be more time appropriate.

He reached into his coat, not before wiping his hand on his pants to dry any water which might, possibly, have reached it, and pulled out the pristine paper of the court's report.

Von Karma realized, of course, that this was just an excuse not to perceive Gant for longer than he could stand, since the trail was obviously perfect, but at this point he would take every opportunity to ignore the obnoxious orange idiot.

A soft sound brought the prosecutors attention back to the annoying man still crouching on the floor pathetically inspecting his wet clothes. He nearly looked...cute like that.

What?

Cute?

No.

Oh god no. Not cute. Gant. Cute? Never. Disgusting. Yes, disgusting and annoying. There was nothing cute about that. He was a disgustingly annoying, waste of space, whose entire existence was a mistake. Why? Why the hell did his brain even consider that he was cute? Was the lack of sleep mixed with the stress of the situation just confusing his brain? Yes, that was it. There is nothing cute about the wet, stockings wearing man.

“Disgusting…” reaffirmed Von Karma under his breath. Somehow, the irritating mess of a detective seemed to have heard the prosecutor because he raised his head, his rumbling voice bothered his ears again.

“What are you complaining about now?”

“About your entire existence, but mostly about the fact that you still are not wearing any damn clothes. I think you should be at least capable enough to put them back on on your own, or do you need a babysitter for that too?”

And again, there it was. The godawful glare Manfred received almost ten times a day, and he was thoroughly sick of it. Although it could be considered much less threatening this time given that Gant still looked like a wet dog, whilst also wearing stockings for who knows what reason.

After what seemed like an eternity, the drenched man finally stopped his staring and spoke up, “Well, obviously, I can't.”

“And why is that?”

“Because they are wet.”

“And? Here I thought you liked water“ smirked Manfred.

“I like swimming, yes, but not whatever this shit is“ grumbled Gant back.

“Well, stop complaining and put on some other clothes or at least take a bath towel for all I care. Just do something to hide your shame”

Gant eventually stood up and assumed his only marginally less pathetic standing position from his pathetic crouching position, while pulling his still dripping clothes back up with him. Manfred let out a scoff and went back to the court summary to read it. Sadly, no matter how hard he tried, the damp foot steps were very difficult to ignore. It was only till they finally stopped that he could go back to comprehending the words on the page.

“Freddo” Gants voice caught Manfred's attention and, annoyed, he lifted his head.

“What is it now Damon-”

Phishhh

And that's how Damon Gant, soon to be the chief of police and all that Manfred Von Karma despised distilled into a single person, managed to make the prosecutor so furious that they got kicked out of their hotel on complaints from their neighbors, forcing them to drive to a new hotel and share one bed because it was the only room left since it was fucking midnight.

“But you gotta admit, this whole thing was quite impressive, was it not?”

“The only thing impressive here was your complete lack of competence.”

Notes:

Translation:
gott verdammte scheisse= god fucking damit