Chapter Text
”...and my joints are aching every time I come back from the store so my grandson is telling me to take the bus but no, how could I pay for bus tickets every day? So I prefer walking but my knees are aching so very much afterwards and-“
Jaehyun tried to interrupt the talkative granny politely. “Mam, have you been taking your paracetamol?
And did the Etoricoxib I prescribed you earlier have any effect?”
The granny made big gestures with her hand and shook her head. “No no, I don’t believe in drugs!”
“Oh” Just typical. Jaehyun held back a sigh before continuing. “Did you go to the physiotherapist?”
“Yes I did, but the physiotherapist was this young man who wanted to massage my back and good gracious, I couldn’t accept such vulgarity? Then he told me to start strengthening my joint-supporting muscles, but I really hate exercise so I told him I’m not interested in his help”
“Mhm, is that so”
Jung Jaehyun is a young doctor, pretty recently graduated too, doing his communal services at the local health care center. The work was rewarding at times and certainly quite uplifting too, meeting all kinds of people from all ages concerned about their small daily struggles. He was especially liked around his younger patients and their parents – Some said that there was something very soothing and trustworthy about his gentle features and kind, warm eyes. He had actually thought about specializing in pediatrics as soon as he was done with his duties as a general practitioner.
He liked his older patients too, but sometimes he just felt ridiculously helpless especially when confronted with patients who didn’t want to take their drugs and didn’t really except the non-pharmaceutical treatment methods either. People wanted to be free of their pain at once, without any efforts and preferably as cheaply as possible. Unfortunately basic western medicine didn’t work that way – without patience and dedication to follow the treatment plan it was hard to reach that desirable normative state.
So many days he left his examination room feeling extremely tired from trying to convince the common people that there were no magical cures for anything. He liked his job, but it sometimes sucked exactly all his energy out him.
He had a boyfriend to support him, but recently they’ve been seeing each other just less and less. The other worked at a tech company so they really didn’t have anything in common workwise. They met via Tinder and therefore didn’t really have any common friends either. But he was very good looking and intelligent, so he had enjoyed his company well enough. Jaehyun knew however that he wasn’t the man he would spend the rest of his life with – he just hoped his boyfriend didn’t believe the opposite. But the set-up he had with his current boyfriend (casual, not-too serious, living in their own apartments) suited his life style at the moment more than well, so he didn’t feel like risking it at the moment. His work took too much of his time anyway.
He remembered that he got a text earlier that he hadn’t had time to open yet.
16:20 Ho-Sub<3
“You wanna join me to the gym later? xoxo miss you”
Jaehyun typed a quick reply before continuing with his prescription renewals.
17:05
“I need to stay at work until late today, maybe on saturday? kisses”
He hadn’t even put down his phone before the answer came.
17:06 Ho-Sub<3
“But jaejae I haven’t seen you for four days?”
Jaehyun groand. He knew. He was just way too occupied with aching joints and ear infections that couldn’t wait to the next day. He had a reputation to be concerned with, so he preferred to do his job impeccably even though it meant he sacrificed his own free time for it. His colleague and best friend Johnny who worked at the same health care center thought he was mad for staying at work so late just to finish off all the requests for prescriptions and consultations and endless statements the same day as they were requested for.
“People should be able to wait for their damn anti-hypertensives a few days, don’t work your ass off just to be a people pleaser” Johnny gronad when he saw Jaehyun buried under digital paperwork once again.
“It’s not like they are dying anyways”
“How could you know? What if this person burst a vessel in his brains when his blood pressure shoots through the roof? It would be my fault eventually” Jaehyun said defensively.
“Gosh, don’t think like that, that would be so unlucky. Dying people go to the hospital, they don’t come here” Johnny replied.
Jaehyun shrugged. He lost a patient once to a stroke that neither he or his senior could predict. He knew it wasn’t his fault, but the fact that he couldn’t save her still haunted him. He picked up his phone again.
17:08
“I’ll make it up to you tomorrow! Maybe dinner at my place?”
Jaehyun knew his boyfriend preferred to visit his apartment. Jaehyun lived in a posh up-town condo, big enough for two. Ho-Sub-ah had his toothbrush there and quite a lot of clothes too, but he still hadn’t allowed him to move in there for real. He had told him that he felt it was too early to move in together yet, and he had luckily accepted it as a fair enough reason. Besides, his parents liked to sleep over now and then since their own house was outside Seoul. The apartment had been a graduation gift to him (yes, they were rich but preferred to live outside the city now when they’d retired from the business world) so he couldn’t really say no when they came downtown and asked to use the guestroom. They liked Ho-Sub, however, especially since they themselves had been running a big tech company for years.
“He’s so smart, that boyfriend of yours. He would definitely suit well at our company! And then if you adopt kids someday you need to put him or her into the company as well so that we could make a family business out of this, haha!” His mother used to say.
Jaehyun was lucky to have such open minded, modern parents.
“Mhm” he used to mumble, not really caring about the family business since it was completely different from his own profession.
Anyway, he had promised Ho-Sub to make dinner, so he made sure to work a little extra tonight so that he could go home at 17 o’clock like he was supposed to. He usually didn't like cooking, so he thought he could surprise him with actually doing something extra special and homemade tonight. They would enjoy it over good wine, talk about the weather and sports, Ho-Sub would talk about some boring business partners and Jaehyun would zone out to think about some particularly interesting patient case that he obviously couldn’t talk about due to patient data security. Then they would have sex and Jaehyun would come and feel content for maybe 5 minutes before he felt bored and empty again. And then they’d fall asleep. That was his boring G.P. life.
Little did Jaehyun know that the week after that would be much more interesting. It was the middle of the week and Jaehyun had already been threatened by drunks twice, got chocolate from a sweet old lady and made at least ten kids cry by just showing up in his white coat and stethoscope. He hadn’t had time to eat lunch today so his nerves were wearing thin. Only one more patient before he could start dealing with the paper work. He checked his phone quickly; 5 unread messages from Ho-Sub. Of course. He’d deal with it later. He probably wanted to meet up since they hadn’t seen each other since Saturday when they went to the gym together and had dinner afterwards. Jaehyun didn’t open the texts just yet, not wanting to run late for his appointment just because he got triggered by Ho-Sub's disappointed emoticons. So he put away his phone and opened the info about his final patient of the day instead. A 26 year old male who didn’t have too many visits to the health care center from before. Only some renewals of Quetiapine and some skin lotion. Jaehyun looked at himself in the mirror when going towards the door. He looked tired as hell. He brushed through his thick, caramel hair so that it would look even a little bit more decent and went to take in his final patient.
“Lee Taeyong?”
A pink haired boy looked up at him with saucer sized eyes. He visibly flinched when his name was called. Jaehyun felt a shiver going through his spine – the boy sitting in the waiting room was probably the most beautiful man he’d seen in real life – heck, probably the most beautiful he’d ever seen anywhere. He was sitting in the chair with his shoulder's tensed up to his ears, one foot nervously tapping against the floor. Jaehyun scanned him as a whole (remember, visual habitus is an important part of any patient’s examination); he looked small and brittle in his giant jumper with sleeves way too long for his arms. He wore ripped skinny jeans and untied, heavily worn yellowish sneakers that probably once were white. Jaehyun waited for the boy to get up, but he didn’t. He just stared at him nervously with those huge puppylike eyes of his. Jaehyun noticed his sharp jaw and his straight nose – he didn’t look typically Korean at all. Maybe one of his parents was Caucasian or something? (Family history; Also an important part of any patient’s examination)
“Taeyong?” He said again.
The boy looked briefly to his left and right only to find that he was the only one in the waiting room. Therefore he was Lee Taeyong whether he tried to lie or not.
He slowly got up from the chair, revealing mile long legs peeping out under the hem of his gray jumper. Jaehyun couldn’t drag his eyes away from the older boy – he was a grand thing to look at for sure. He swallowed and stepped aside to let his patient in. Jaehyun felt drunk when his nostrils were filled by the sweet perfume the boy was wearing.
In a haze he sat himself behind his computer, and tried to gather himself for his professionalism’s sake. What on earth was happening? Did he get some virus from some of his flu patients?
The other boy was looking straight into his eye, looking awfully tense and awkward. He was pulling at the strings from his ripped jeans, working the rip wider.
“What-…” Jaehyun had to cough. “Excuse me, what can I do for you today?”
The other blinked a few times before opening his pretty pink mouth.
“Are you actually a doctor? I came here to see a doctor” He said raising one eyebrow.
Jaehyun blinked a few times in surprise. He looked pretty young for sure with his slightly chubby cheeks and milky skin; And he was indeed two years younger than the man before him. But it wasn’t uncommon for talented students to graduate early.
“Well, yes, I am indeed, I got my license last year. Were you expecting someone else?”
“No, you are fine. You just don’t look like a doctor”
Jaehyun chuckled nervously. He checked himself in the mirror right, hope he didn’t miss some shit between his teeth?
“Okay. Well. Tae-.. Taeyong, right? So. What can I help you with?”
“I have trouble breathing” he said quickly.
Jaehyun scanned him immediately one more time. Long legs for miles, the sharpest jawline he had ever seen, pink, plush lips matching his fringe that was way too long… He slapped himself mentally. Pneumonia? Easily ruled out by examination. Smoker? No, he didn’t smell like that. Asthma? Nah, there weren’t any inhalators in the prescription list. Bad physical fitness? Maybe. Lung embolism? Hardly. Cystic fibrosis? Maybe, he might have an European parent carrying the gene. Panic attack? Hmm… most likely, considering he have an anti-psychotic drug prescribed from before.
“Okay. Well. Could you tell me a little bit more about yourself? We don’t seem to have that much on record”
The other was fidgeting nervously. “Why do you want to know more about me?”
“Ehm, it’s just protocol, it’s easier for me to know what diseases you could be predisposed for”
“Oh” The pink haired boy scratched his neck. “Oh. Well. I’m 26 years old and I’m… I’m a student? At least I guess I still am even though I’m focusing more on dancing now than pharmaceutics at uni. I guess I’m pretty healthy?”
“You take Quetiapine? Why?”
“Oh, yeah, that. I suffered from an eating disorder a few years ago and the drug kind of stayed with me. I’m fine now, though. I’ve gained a lot of weight, really”
Jaehyun looked at his bony wrists. "Gained a lot..." So typical. Either he was lying or a “big weight gain” for him meant two or three kilos max. But honestly speaking, he looked healthy enough; his cheeks puffed up cutely when he made certain facial expressions.
“Could you tell me more about your breathing problems?” Jaehyun’s phone buzzed but he ignored it.
Taeyong told him about how he nowadays gets tired real quickly when dancing, feeling like he can’t get enough oxygen, and it’s been going on for maybe a month. Apart from dancing he really avoids physical exertion. He’s afraid he’ll lose his spot in the dance team if he gets injured or something. He denies panic attacks when Jaehyun asks about those – he recognizes anxiety attacks from a few years before, and this breathlessness wasn’t it. While he speaks Jaehyun’s phone is buzzing really annoyingly on the table. It’s Ho-Sub, so he just mutes the call, hoping his thickheaded boyfriend would get the message. He notices that his patient is getting really nervous about the phone, and ends up biting his nails like he hadn’t had a proper meal for weeks.
“Sorry about that” Jaehyun says. The other just nods with his big doe-eyes and pulls nervously at his pink hair with his other hand that isn’t in his mouth. It was kind of adorable. But it didn’t seem quite normal for a 26 year old to be that fidgety unless he wasn’t suffering from some kind of withdrawal symptoms, nicotine perhaps?
“You seem anxious. Why? Or is this your normal behavior?” Jaehyun asks trying to sound as neutral as possible.
“Ehm” The other says hesitantly, “I gotta be honest with you – I don’t really like going to the doctor”
Jaehyun smiled a little. “It’s completely normal – no-one likes it, except for some of ladies who come here only to brag about their kids or downtalk their ex-husbands who may or may not have caused their anger-management problems”
“They probably only come here to talk to you because you’re young and handsome” the other said innocently.
The doctor blushed a little. That statement had probably way more truth in it than Jaehyun’s professional belief in that those women just wanted some sleeping pills.
“Is there some particular reason you don’t like going to the doctor? Did you have a fear of needles as a child?”
The pink haired boy chuckled nervously. “No, I have tattoos and piercing’s so that’s not the case. Five years back my sister had a miscarriage and this older “doctor” treating me at the moment told me it’s my fault for stressing her out with my fucked up way of living. He told me to “It’s obnoxious of you to starve yourself, just eat, eat some cake and enjoy it like normal people” and prescribed me some benzodiazepines since he thought I had some nervous breakdown since I was crying at his office. I hated my body for two years before I slowly started to get better by myself. I haven’t been to the doctor’s since. I’m just renewing my quetiapine since I’m afraid what will happen if I stop taking it”
The doctor was surprised to see how open this fidgety, nail biting boy was about his state of mind and body. And at the same time he felt some foul, twisted feeling resembling anger build up inside him when he thought about how shitty some of his so-called colleagues could be. Who in his right mind would ever tell someone suffering from an eating disorder that it was their fault and they could just stop the behavior by stuffing their face with cake? It was like telling a depressed person to “just cheer up”! No, he really felt like he wanted to win this boy over onto his side, no matter what. He wouldn’t let go of this patient – this was HIS patient, and HE would make him trust medicine again. An almost possessive instinct took over him, and for a moment he felt his professionality slip aside.
“Oh. That colleague of mine handled your case completely wrong, I’m so sorry to hear that. But I can assure you I went to a good university and I will do the best to help you” Jaehyun touched the pink haired boy’s arm kindly to strengthen the doctor-patient relationship (let’s say it’s that). The older flinched a bit, but didn’t protest or drag away his arm.
“We’ll sort this breathing problem out and if you want to we could work on the quetiapine dosages later, right? No stress, alright?”
The older nodded in confirmation, and Jaehyun could see his shoulder’s relaxing.
“Sounds good. My sister forced me here so I might as well make the best out of it” Taeyong said with a cute smile, earning a wide dimpled smile back.
Just as he did that Jaehyun’s phone buzzed for the fourth time. He swore to himself and turned to check the screen one more time. It was Ho-Sub again, for obvious reasons. He had to pick it up because he was too technically impaired to understand how to turn of the mute buzzing in his phone settings. He excused himself to the patient before hissing into the phone.
“I’m seeing a patient, I can’t talk right now!!! You don’t need to call me four times in a row if I don’t answer”. He heard Ho-Sub yelling something about how he had been waiting for him to update on his plans for the evening, but he couldn’t bother listening to his rant so he just excused himself and ended the call.
Jaehyun sighed and turned back to his patient. “I’m really sorry, personal issues…”
“Was it your girlfriend?” The older asked curiously, looking at the doctor’s fingers to notice the absence of a ring (well, in truth doctors would never wear rings at work for hygienic reasons – there’s like a zillion bacteria living under rings)
“Huh?” That wasn’t any of his business. Jaehyun didn’t need to answer, but he still did. After all, he tried to do his best to let this stuck-up country know how proud he was of his sexuality. “No, my boyfriend, actually”
The older raised one of his eyebrows again with a slight smirk playing on his lips. “Oh? You don’t look gay”
The comment would have triggered the doctor quite a lot if he wasn’t at work where he was supposed to act professionally. He hated those kinds of blunt assumptions, and even though he tried, he couldn’t keep a completely straight face (pun not intended).
“Really? I suppose you’re an expert on the subject?” Jaehyun said sarcastically, scribbling down some nonsense on his notepad.
When the older didn’t reply, he looked up at him from his notepad. The older’s beautiful lips had curved into a honest smile, and his eyes had something mischievous about them that made Jaehyun shiver.
“What if I am?” He finally said in a wicked voice.
Jaehyun stared at him for a while feeling his ears getting redder and redder. What an awfully weird boy. He pulled at his tie trying to loosen it a bit around his neck. Why was he making him feel this uncomfortable in his clothes?
“Ehem. Anyways. I wanna run some basic blood tests on you and check your x-ray, if you’re okay with that”
The older’s eyes widened again. “X-rays? I won’t get cancer, right? Or turn into a Marvel character? ”
Jaehyun chuckled. “No, you won’t get cancer from x-rays. The amount of radiation is quite small. I promise”. He got up from his chair and picked up his stethoscope and lamp. “I will need to examine you before that though”.
Jaehyun examines people every day. He listens to lungs, he looks into ears, he open pus-filled abscesses, he does gynecological exams, he makes more male rectal prostate-exams that he really wants to, he makes patients do all kind of funny facial expression to check their neurological status. But for some ridiculous reason he felt nervous right now – he felt exactly as shaky as when he was just a mere stupid medical student in his way too big white coat examining his very first patient. And it was all because of the boy in front of him with his beautiful features – so very beautiful so that his civil admiration seeped through into his professional self. It wasn’t acceptable, to say the least. A doctor should never ever be this affected by his patient – he or she shouldn’t care the least even if the President of the country walked into the office.
He looked at the packet of nitrile gloves. He usually examined his patient with gloves, especially during flu season. But Jaehyun’s hands were itching to feel that tanned skin without the medium of plastic between. Luckily he heard his patient blow his runny nose which that was enough for Jaehyun to put his gloves on. He wouldn’t risk contaminating himself even though how attractive his patient was. When he turned around to face the boy his eyes fixated on a shiny piece of jewelry stuck to the boy's chest. He swallowed at the sight of the pierced nipple and focused all his energy of looking at anything else, really.
The boy’s breath hitched when Jaehyun placed the cold stethoscope onto his bare chest. Jaehyun mumbled a sorry before concentrating on listening to his heart sounds. The boy’s heart sounded fine, but his own racing heartrate was beating annoyingly in his temples. Concentrate, he told himself multiple times before moving to the boy’s backside to listen to his lungs. The boy had something like a mullet going on, and Jaehyun felt incredibly awkward when he moved the hair out of the way with his shaky hands. He gripped the boy’s shoulder steadily with his gloved hand to hide any signs on tremor. With all the professionalism he had, he listened to the boy’s lungs long and thoroughly, hearing the flow of air going in and out of the boy’s tiny frame. It sounded well enough – he couldn’t hear anything that would explain the breathlessness he was suffering from.
He then put the stethoscope away and started palpating the boy’s neck and clavicles. The boy’s skin was quite cool against his hot hands. He was happy for the gloves – he might have had some nasty hand sweat otherwise considering how nervous he was. His patient was easy to examine; so thin and bony that all abnormalities and protrusions could easily be felt under Jaehyun’s fingers.
“What are you doing?” The boy asked when Jaehyun moved to feel his armpits.
“I’m feeling for any enlarged lymph nodes that might tell about infection. I can’t find any so you’re good” Jaehyun said hastily and pulled back his hands. The boy crossed his arms over his chest and looked like he was freezing. For sporting such a bold hairstyle he was kind of shy, Jaehyun deduced.
After measuring the boy’s blood pressure Jaehyun kneeled before the boy to feel for pulses and possible swellings. His patient blushed when he saw the handsome young doctor kneel before his feet, mind probably wandering to completely different situations involving knees on the floor. The whole interaction between them was purely clinical and therefor completely innocent, but they both knew that the other was getting affected by the situation in the most uncomfortable way. Jaehyun cleared his voice while quickly feeling the boy’s lean calves and palpating the strong pulsation from his arteria tibialis posterior and dorsalis pedis.
“All good” He mumbled and straighten his back again. The boy looked nervously at him with his huge dark eyes.
“I can’t find anything wrong with you. As I already told you we’ll take some blood test, an x-ray and schedule a PEF-measurement to rule out asthma”
“What blood tests exactly?”
“Uhm, just the basic ones, complete blood count, kidneys, electrolytes, liver, thyroid, sedimentation rate… “ Jaehyun’s brained went through all the possible lab-tests he could choose to check that might cause breathlessness and tiredness. “Hey, have you lost weight recently?”
“I don’t know, It’s not good for me to weigh myself. I guess my weight fluctuates a bit” the pink haired boy answers quietly. “By the way, can I put my hoodie back on?”
“Huh? Oh, oh yes of course….” Jaehyun says awkwardly. He watches the boy get dressed again. The doctor hides a smile when a mop of pink hair pops out of the hoodie, all ruffled up and simply adorable. When he’s ready, Jaehyun continues the questioning.
“Do you smoke? How much alchohol do you use?”
“Uhm, I don’t smoke and I guess I don’t drink more than other people my age?”
“How about other drugs?”
The boy hesitated a bit before answering. “I’ve tried some”
“Intravenous?”
The boy instantly shakes his head and answers confidently that he hasn’t done that.
“Okay, good. I’m just trying to figure out if I need to check some other blood tests like hepatitis, hi-virus et cetera… Is there any chance of STD’s? Do you use protection during intercourse?”
The pink haired boy blushed violently and cringed visibly. For Jaehyun that was a completely normal anamnestic question, abut he was used to seeing people panic a little when confronted with it.
“Uhm… There’s no risk for it, I haven’t… I've just been involved in oral... intercourse” The boy said awkwardly. “I’m sorry, is this necessary?”
Jaehyun raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth before thinking it through. “I thought you said you were an expert?” He instantly regretted the question after if left his mouth – he should never, ever, say something like that to a patient. "And yes, we need to know to rule out contagious diseases"
The boy opened his mouth to say something but swallowed his own words with a sad sob, guilt-tripping Jaehyun.
“Sorry. That was utterly unprofessional. It’s good you’re careful. I won’t ask again” Jaehyun apologized and felt his ears getting red. For such a comment he deserved a complaint and a warning, but his gut feeling doubted that this pink haired boy would go so far as making an official complaint. The boy nodded and gave him an assuring smile that it was okay.
They sit quiet for a while when Jaehyun programs the blood tests and makes a referral to the x-ray.
“I’ll prescribe you this short acting inhalator you can try if you get out of breath. If it works, then it means that you probably have overly reactive bronchi which lead me to suspect some asthmatic or allergic reason to cause your symptoms”
“Thank you doctor….” His patient leans forward to read Jaehyun’s nametag. “Doctor Jung?”
“Jaehyun, call me Jaehyun” The doctor says quite eagerly. A little too eagerly.
The pink hair boy smiles widely to the doctor’s sudden amiability. He bites his lower lip and says “Okay, doctor Jaehyun”.
Jaehyun feel how every single hair on his body raises up when hearing his name being uttered from those pink, pouty lips. It’s something incredibly erotic about the boy in front of him, but he can’t pinpoint what it is. He’s shy, he’s polite, he’s apparently inexperienced – but he still managed to get Jaehyun’s mind into haywire. This is totally not proper, Jaehyun thinks to himself. He needs to refer the patient to another doctor for the next appointment. But his civil self really doesn’t want to. What harm are there in thoughts, as long as they stays as thoughts and thoughts only?
“How will I hear the results of the tests?” the boy continues.
Jaehyun could just send him the results and comments by mail. But as sickening as it is, he doesn’t really want to let go of this boy just yet. And it’s anyway hard to explain everything just in a simple letter.
“I’ll call you. We’ll take it from there” Jaehyun says shortly.
The patient nods and starts to make himself ready to leave. Jaehyun pretends to be typing something on his computer because he simply doesn’t know where to place his eyes otherwise. He’s way too overwhelmed to actually type anything in the patient journal at the moment though. The pink haired boy has his hand on the door handle already but falters a little to open it.
“I’ll be waiting for your call, doctor Jaehyun. You seem like a good doctor” He says with sparkly eyes.
Jaehyun just nods stupidly and watches the boy leave. Only after the door is closed he lets out a huge breath that he didn’t know he was holding in.