WhatMurdah
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Recent works
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BEEN TO HELL AND BACK, I WILL MEET YOU AT THE GRAVEYARD by WhatMurdah
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
31 May 2026
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Summary
Rumor has it Draco Malfoy is an Unspeakable working in the Death Room, and his lover is the last of the Nott line, and they live together in a dark manor full of illegal artefacts, and Draco has a tail. All true. But now a mysterious necromancer claims to have raised an unnamed Death Eater just as Harry and Ginny Potter have decided to open their marriage, and everyone’s loyalties are about to be tested.
The Auror Department wants to take the case from Draco. Hell wants Draco to bring in the necromancer. Harry wants to make NottPott happen. And Draco wants to know if he can trust his slut boyfriend after stealing him from the last person he cheated on.
Also: Draco’s parents aren’t happy he and Theo are appearing in public. Draco just saw the last person he expected to see in Hell. And Theo’s Love Room colleagues seem to think Draco is . . . sweet? Everyone is going through it, and we’re all going back to Hell.
Series
- Part 2 of DRACO MALFOY HAS A SLUTTY LITTLE TAIL
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BEEN TO HELL AND BACK, I CAN SHOW YOU VOUCHERS by WhatMurdah
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
22 Feb 2026
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Summary
Draco came to, naked, sprawled across the pentagram on the worn floorboards of the inn’s rented room. He lifted his head. His body had smeared the chalk and the salt on re-entry.
His tailbone hurt.
His head hurt.
He was thirsty.
Draco slowly pushed up to sitting. His wand was in his hand. His whole spine hurt. Something grazed his leg—his head whipped around, making the headache flare. A mouse? A rat? This room was disgusting.
No—
Hold on—
Draco twisted to look behind him.
F**K.
He had a tail.
Draco Malfoy—now an Unspeakable assigned to the Death Room—went to Hell and came back with a tail. Hermione Granger wants to help. Theo Nott doesn’t.
BEEN TO HELL AND BACK, I CAN SHOW YOU VOUCHERS is inspired by the bureaucratic implications of the titular Lil Wayne bar and me reading three books about Cardan Greenbriar because I thought there would be tail smut.
Series
- Part 1 of DRACO MALFOY HAS A SLUTTY LITTLE TAIL
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Summary
Harry Potter was the Chosen One, and Neville Longbottom was the boy no one chose. Then Neville defied Voldemort, killed Nagini, and took down Greyback. Neville came out of the war different: You won’t get a rise out of him but you will get a reaction.
After a tumultuous trauma bond with Luna Lovegood and a failed engagement to Hannah Abbott, Neville has sworn off relationships—only to be paired with Pansy Parkinson under the Reconciliation Act. Neville’s running a nursery, guest lecturing in the Hogwarts Herbology Department, and hunting down Death Eaters with Seamus Finnigan, Alicia Spinnet, George Weasley, and the mercenaries Bill Weasley befriended while raiding tombs for Gringotts. He doesn’t need a Slytherin wife whose best mates are Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott. Or does he? When he and Pansy prove extremely sexually compatible, Neville must confront his own questions about love, trust, and vulnerability—just as the revival of blood supremacy and a renewed veneration of Bellatrix have strange new bedfellows seeking him out.
Featuring sex, violence, and poisonous plants, DIRTY, FLIRTY, AND VINDICTIVE takes place during BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC with flashbacks to Neville’s life between 1998 and 2003.
Series
- Part 2 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
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Summary
“The floo flashed green and Charlie tumbled out into Theo’s bedroom. Theo was holding his breath and chewing his lower lip and staring all at once. He hadn’t unblocked the bedroom floo in years. Charlie’s loose curls looked windswept, his freckled face expectant. He was already starting to smile.”—Chapter 21, BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
A one shot about what happens when Theo Nott lets Charlie Weasley into his haunted house, inspired by BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
Series
- Part 4 of Related to BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
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GREEDY, UNGRATEFUL, AND IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE by WhatMurdah
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
21 Jul 2024
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Summary
“Sweet Salazar’s poxy dick, what is that?” said Theo, stepping from the floo into Draco’s dimly lit study.
“This is Mrs. Malfoy’s progeny,” said Draco dryly. The orange abomination sat on his desk, too close to his ledger for comfort. The animal’s expression was excessively judgmental. Draco sneered back. “I am not allowed to kill it.”—Chapter 5, BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
A one shot about books, biscuits, and rodentia (or: the perils of gift-giving) inspired by Draco and Crooks in BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
Series
- Part 3 of Related to BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
Recent series
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- Words:
- 94,725
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 23
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THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES by WhatMurdah
Fandom Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
19 Oct 2025
- Words:
- 368,861
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 254
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Related to BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC by WhatMurdah
Fandom Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
22 Sep 2024
- Words:
- 26,116
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 125