Chapter Text
There they had been, a Bhaalspawn and a Banite, standing at the top of the world. Enver stood silently, staring out from atop the high walls of his fortress, eyes trained on where the sky met the flowing waters of the Chionthar. There they had been, just a few days prior, laughing, and drinking, and stupidly, stupidly wasting precious moments. Precious time.
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”Come on, Enver, I’ll be fine. I’ve fought devils in the hells, taken on Myrkul’s chosen in the heart of Moonrise, and rejected my own godly father. If I can take all of that alone, we can go and destroy the brain.” Fen had downed the rest of the glass of wine in his hand, jabbing Gortash in the side to fill it back up. He’d begrudgingly obliged, pouring the Bhaalspawn another glass with a sigh.
”I have no doubt of your murderous capabilities, but this is an Elder Brain we’re dealing with…” He’d rubbed his temples, his coat muting the worst of his anxiety, and yet threads still slipped through the cracks. Out of nowhere, he’d felt Fen tackle him into a hug, squeezing him tight.
”Look, I’m too stubborn to die. You’re too stubborn to die. The more you worry, the worse off you’ll be.” Fen had stood up on his tip-toes, kissing him on the cheek and giggling like a love-sick teen. “We’ll be fine. And if you’re not, I’ll make good on my previous promise to bring you back and kill you again, mmkay?” Enver had nodded, a slight smile ghosting across his face.
”I wouldn’t mind that, Fen. I really wouldn’t.”
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It had all happened so fast when they’d gone down to face the brain. Enver remembered gathering the stones, focusing his mental fortitude to chain the brain’s will once again, when he’d seen a flash of light. Two black wings and a body flying across his vision as suddenly, a hole appeared in whatever had been in front of him. His lover, who had thrown himself in front of him to save his life. He’d watched, shock coursing through his body, as Fen crumpled to the ground before him, viscera and gushing blood where his abdomen should have been. A gurgling noise was all Enver had heard, something in a broken voice that sounded like his name… Before the Bhaalspawn’s wings dissipated, his eyes going blank. His coat kept him calm, stable, but his mind was reeling. He wanted to scream, to grab the Bhaalspawn in his arms and pray to any god that would listen to spare him. But he couldn’t. All he could do was finish the job.
-
Enver slammed his fist down on the hard stone, letting out a cry of frustration, of anger, of sheer agony. The bolt of energy discharged by the brain had been meant for him, was meant to kill him, should have killed him. But Enver knew Fen never thought before he acted. There was no thinking, no consideration for what would happen to him when Fen had chosen to take the leap, he just did it. Never stopped to consider how Enver would feel. How he would feel knowing the only person he trusted, the only person who cared for him, who he’d just gotten back after believing him dead… Fuck, he couldn’t be actually dead, could he?
Burying his head in his hands Enver collapsed to his knees, body slumped over the railing precariously. It should have been him. Fen was innocent, Fen was going along with his stupid plan, and yet it was him who paid the price. Him who would never see another sun set over the Chionthar, while Enver kept on breathing, eating, sleeping, just… Living. Without his lover, without purpose, without any chance for redemption. It wasn’t fair. It should have been him.
He still didn’t want to believe it. Fengo was gone. Never coming back. Never able to curl up next to him again, nestling into his chest and murmuring sweet nothings in his sleep. Never able to ruin his furniture with his strange, blackened claws when he got mad on his behalf. He’d never feel Fen perched over his shoulder, smiling like an idiot and repeatedly greeting him until he acknowledged them. He’d never have Fen jump into his arms, grabbing his hair, his clothes, his back, just wanting to touch him, to feel him, to love him. He’d never see Fen crawl into his window at ungodly hours of the night, covered in blood and gore and wanting to bother him because the Bhaalspawn was afraid Enver had missed him. Oh, gods, how he was going to miss him. What he would give to be interrupted again by his sweet little lover, creepy, macabre gifts and all.
What he wouldn’t give for it to have been him instead.