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Working with photographers was always a blast. Throughout his whole life Adrien had smiled through the lens of nearly 50 separate photographers, each one with their own unique style and flair to their photos as well as their endearing personalities. Adrien got to know many regulars, professionals who lived and breathed their digital art. He got to meet overwhelmed newbies with stars in their eyes and cameras too big for their necks and awkward university graduates who could very well photograph something inanimate but felt weird about bossing someone around. There were also a few weird ones…eccentric but nonetheless great people who his father hired for his holiday-themed shoots.
They all had their own strategies and it was always interesting to work with new and different people. Adrien liked to try new things out with his ‘shutterbugs’ (what? He has a thing for bugs…) and he never said no to a challenge.
In hindsight, his never-say-never attitude may have been a mistake.
The huge white sheet he was currently facing (that was normally behind him) gazed down at him sympathetically. Adrien did not feel comforted.
He was stood on all fours in some pathetic mockery of the downward dog in the tightest jeans possible. His bum was in the air, his face was peeking between his legs and he was trying his best to look like a ‘sexy babysitter playing hide and seek with the audience’.
So yeah, he really should have considered Plagg’s class in How to effortlessly be a jerk.
Chapter 4: How to say no to everyone and everything except cheese.
The photographer currently taking his photo was one of the more unconventional ones, to put it lightly. His father had warned him about it this morning, actually. Apparently this lady was an old photographer of his back when he was a model though, so she was highly respected and trusted despite her strange methods.
“Shift your hip a little to the left, please,”
Maybe strange was a little too tame for this...whatever this was. Adrien forced back a groan and wiggled a little according to her suggestion, and was rewarded with the flash of several cameras.
“Thank you!”
He was almost thankful that the subject of the pictures wasn’t his face, because he was red as a tomato. At least it wasn’t terribly unusual, just extremely embarrassing. He’d started doing more adult-style things now that he was getting older, although his father always made sure it never got past sexy poses and blowing kisses to the camera. He figured that as long as the pictures turned out good and his father and fan base was satisfied, it didn’t matter what he had to do. I mean, at least he had a good body that people wanted to see, right?
“You have your father’s bum.”
Never mind.
All the blood in his body rushed to his cheeks and ears and he felt the soft buzz of Plagg’s laughter through his shirt, which did not help his predicament.
“Th-thank you?” He stuttered, willing the floor beneath him to turn to quicksand and swallow him into the depths of the earth.
He flicked a glance at the clock on the wall. It was hard to read upside down, but he knew he finished at 1 o’clock and he could see the hour hand firmly pointed at 11.
“Now, Adrien, thank you, we’ve finished that pose for now. We’re going to try something different. Tell me, have you heard of the Bend-And-Snap?”
Fantastic.
***
“Oh, Plagg, I’m so grateful that’s over. I’ve had strange photographers before but that lady takes the cake. Or the cheese, if you will.” Adrien flung the door of his room open and sighed heavily, flinging his shoes off into random corners before making his way over to his bed. He’d just finished his lunch and had the rest of the day free to please himself.
His Kwami hummed through a mouthful of camembert.
“Hey! You should be feeling sorry for me. I had to eat half your pocket to stop myself laughing.” Adrien’s eyes widened and he shoved his hand into his coat. Sure enough, there was a little hole made of teeth marks.
“Plagg! This isn’t mine! We have to return it to dad’s company!” Plagg wasn’t listening.
“You certainly didn’t expect to be shoving your arse into a lens all day, did you?” the little cat kwami chuckled. Adrien groaned, his ears flushing pink again. He face-planted onto his bed and buried his head into the pillows.
“At least it’s all over now.” Adrien sighed. Plagg zoomed over and sat on Adrien’s backside.
“You know, that lady was right. You do have your father’s butt.”
Adrien began to cry.
***
Adrien thought, oh, Adrien thought that was the last of his little adventures with the weirdo lady but he was so wrong. At first, he was just grateful to be away from her indefinitely. In fact, brushing it off was a lot easier now that it was in the past.
Unfortunately, after said events he seemed to have developed a habit that he can’t seem to stop.
From the moment the words had left the photographer’s mouth, Adrien couldn’t stop thinking about, well, the booty. More specifically, his father’s booty.
It made him shudder every single time it crossed his mind (which was way too much for his liking) but he just couldn’t help it. At first it was just to see for himself. Did he really have his father’s bum? Was that a good thing? Did his dad even have a nice butt (gross!)?
However, it had grown from curiosity to full-blown checking his father out every time he walked past.
His father was a pacer. He walked past. A LOT.
It wasn’t that he wanted to; it was just that he had to, you know?! He thought the woman’s words would haunt him less once he’d had a quick look and dealt with it but every time he looked they grew more and more prominent in his mind until his every waking moment was consumed with well…
What did those middle-aged Gabriel-obsessed housewives call it?
Ah, yes, Gabooty.
“Would you stop shivering? Put something on if you’re cold,” came Plagg’s muffled voice. Adrien snapped out of his rather horrid imaginings and muffled the kwami further with his palm. He was in the back of the Gorilla’s car on his way to school after spending 48 hours in his father’s unbearable presence. Adrien honestly hadn’t realised how physically close Gabriel actually often was. Adrien always had this image of him being far away in his head; sadly for Adrien, it was a metaphorical distance.
“You’re doing it again.”
“Sorry, Plagg,” he whispered through the cotton as the Gorilla pulled up. “I promise I’ll stop. Going back to school will help me get over it. I wonder if Mme. Bustier keeps any bleach around; maybe I can use it on my eyes.” He smiled to himself and jumped out of the car with a quick thank you to his bodyguard. Plagg made a face.
“Yikes. You’re starting to sound like me. This has really knocked you bad, kid. Have a good day. Please stop thinking about it. For my sake.” He disappeared into the folds of Adrien’s clothes and the golden-haired boy patted him as he bounded up the steps.
Maybe a decent akuma would take his thoughts off everything. He’d run out last night as Chat Noir, and the breath of fresh air had certainly helped, but nothing during his weekend had thus far been exciting enough to eclipse his thoughts of –
No! Enough! School! Come on, let’s go!
Adrien shook the thoughts away and they spilled out his ears. He sauntered into the classroom, ready to make the day his.
***
Adrien was very quickly learning to be careful what he wished for. First, it was to be closer to his father. Look how that turned out. Second was for an akuma to show up.
And oh boy, did he get an akuma.
In fact, he got several.
An explosion blasted over the top of the car Chat Noir had flipped up over himself as a shield. His ears flattened and he tried to peer through the dust. Ladybug was watching him from across the street with her lovely blue eyes. She sighed with relief when the haze cleared to reveal his obnoxious face and he gave her a thumbs up. Satisfied, she took off and Chat Noir crawled around the other side of the car to watch her and wait.
Rubble was piled up everywhere. The three akumas they were currently dealing with were some of the most powerful and deadly yet. Papillon had really done his job. He’d akumatised three very angsty, angry teenagers; teenagers who happened to be ridiculously smart with at least a decade of pyrotechnic experience under their belts.
Papillon had really upped the ante recently, but this was getting ridiculous. Ladybug was currently facing off Étincelles (a double pun, Chat thinks – apparently the teens were akumatized after a violent disagreement with their parents) while his two buddies were slinking around Paris, ordered to hide and ambush.
That was Chat’s job – protect Ladybug from behind. And, he thinks, as he hears the soft scuttle of rocks across pavement, he’s doing a pretty damn good job. His eyes turned from the fight to the two boys he can hear gently sneaking up through the debris. He slipped out from underneath the car and drew himself closer to them. He had to be careful – he was one cat against two akumas with real explosives – but he couldn’t let them near his Buginette. In the background, Chat Noir could hear the usual tirade of ‘Surrender or else…’ coupled with Ladybug’s protests, but he couldn’t watch both her fight and these two. Instead, Chat watched the faces of the kids he was stalking for clues as to what was going on in the fight as well as to what they were thinking.
He had just decided his best bet was to creep up behind them and Cataclysme their akumatised objects when suddenly, there was a scream.
It was Ladybug.
“Let’s finish it here,” That was Étincelles’ voice. Ladybug was suddenly silent.
Something inside him stopped.
“Bye bye, petite coccinelle,”
Chat Noir immediately abandoned his post and whisked around to see what’s happened, taking off in a run. It wasn’t long before he stopped short, though.
Huh?
Ladybug was totally fine, but she was in the arms of Étincelles and he’d got a hold of her mouth so she couldn’t make noise. She was making violent GO AWAY gestures at him. They quickly turned into LOOK BEHIND YOU gestures. Chat was instantaneously snapped up by the other two teenagers, who were howling with pleasure. He kicked and hissed but they bound him in something Chat Noir didn’t know the name for but recognized –the flammable wire attached to explosives. Ladybug’s mouth was released and she called his name.
“Chat!” He snapped his head up.
“My Lady!” She’d been tied in the wire too. Her eyes were wide with fear. Chat Noir stilled suddenly with the realisation that this was the closest they’d been to being defeated. He felt a kind of sick pleasure that he might just get to see Ladybug without the mask.
“Hahaha!! My my, I thought cats were supposed to be smart,” said one of the two behind him, breaking his dark train of thought. “But he just fell straight into our trap!”
Étincelles snickered. Ladybug rolled her eyes in a ‘tell me about it’ kind of way and Chat felt offended.
“But no matter. It’s your lucky day. You’re in for a private, VIP meet-up with the boss.”
Chat Noir didn’t think his heart could take anymore cardiac arrests. The two villains behind him let go and backed up, smiling like they’d won the lottery.
“That’s right, you’re about to meet…”
“Le Papillon.”
The hair on the back of Chat’s neck prickled.
It was a new voice. Chat saw Ladybug’s eyes expand to the size of dinner plates. The three cronies bowed and Chat Noir turned around very slowly to find the one and only Papillon, the monster they’ve been desperate to destroy from day one, the reason he is Chat Noir, standing right behind him.
Adrien really wished he could just pause the entire situation and sit there for all eternity until he figured out just what the heck was actually going on.
First, the last week he’d been juggling intensely weird photoshoots, school and several really powerful akumas – he’d nearly died at least two times. Then, he winds up facing off three akumas at once with the entire of Paris at stake thanks to the villains explosive nature, and now Papillon himself shows up right behind him?
Something prods him and he shakes off the incredulity of the situation. Papillon has approached Ladybug and is gently touching her earrings, an evil grin on his face. Chat gets a bit of déjà vu…Papillon looks familiar…
“For so long I’ve danced around you two. Now, it’s time, finally, to achieve what’s mine.”
Actually, his voice sounds really similar to someone he knows, as well. He’s sure of it. Is it someone on TV? No….it’s someone his heart knows, he’s sure, because he’s got an almost sad feeling twisting in his gut at the sound of his speech.
Papillon’s on his side at the moment, so Chat’s getting a decent profile. Papillon’s holding Ladybug’s chin, so she’s snapped silent again, but she’s making eyes at him to say something for her. She likes to talk to her villains and she’s not getting her chance.
Chat Noir, for once, ignores her. Instead, as Papillon is yammering on, relishing his victory…
“The inheritance of true power will be gained as I take the miraculous…”
…Chat’s studying his body. Who is he? His face and jawline are so sharp, unmistakable, but it’s his eyes that confuse Chat Noir. So blue, but shocking, unlike Ladybug’s soft eyes (which are currently rolling at him). Papillon’s still chatting about his deep-seated issues which caused him to become a villain, and he turns fully so his back is facing Chat noir. Chat’s eyes begin to trail downward, but they’re quickly snapped up by something the Butterfly says.
“Ah, well, it is finally here. I came to see you specifically today to take them for myself. Happy birthday, me!”
Chat Noir’s heart plummets to the depths of his stomach.
It couldn’t be. There’s no way. I mean. Lots of people are born today, right? It couldn’t be…
Papillon bends over to Ladybug’s height to taunt her and Chat’s eyes lock on the clincher.
There it is. In all its glory.
The booty.
It’s a booty Chat knows well.
The Gabooty.
Chat Noir dry retches and Ladybug takes action.
***
It passes in a blur for the black cat. Ladybug really awkwardly uses lucky charm and is given a water gun. She struggles free, sprays Papillon in the eyes and douses the hydrophobic akumas. Somehow, she singlehandedly purifies them and Papillon flees, cursing.
It’s silent but Chat’s ears are still ringing. Ladybug unties him and shakes him.
“Chat? Chaton?? Chat Noir speak to me!! What happened? Are you okay?”
He looks up to her with dead eyes. Worry reflects on her face and she leans in to him but her miraculous scolds her with an angry beep.
“Chat Noir….”
He swallows.
“G-g…”
“CHAT! Chat, tell me, quickly!!”
“G-gabooty.”
Ladybug short-circuits.
Her face darkens and she uses a word so dirty that it makes Chat feel filthy having even heard it. He can tell he’s going to be roused at the next time they meet.
“Unbelievable. Go home.”
She vanishes.
“Plagg, detransforme-moi.”
Plagg whizzes out and sits on Adrien’s shoulder. They breathe in silence for a while before Plagg whispers in his ear.
“…Hawkbooty.”
Adrien screams.