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Ichigo stood in the middle of the street in the Seireitei, staring, open-mouthed, at the sign Chad nailed over the front entrance of the machiya.
“Chappy Days? Seriously, dude?” Ichigo said coming up to help Chad balance the heavy sign. “What the hell does that even mean?”
Chad lifted one of his massive shoulders in a shrug and said, “Bunny café.”
“Did you just say ‘bunny café’?”
Chad, of course, said nothing beyond what was, for him, and enthusiastic nod. Ichigo continued to hold the sign over his head, on tiptoes because Chad was just that much bigger, and felt his curiosity piquing. Ichigo knew Rukia had some kind of ‘plan’ for Chad’s employment problem. The two of them had had their heads together about it for weeks. Somehow Ichigo thought the solution would be something, you know, like a paper route or talking Urahara into actually selling things regular people wanted or doing the salaryman gig or… pretty much anything in the World of the Living. He never thought Rukia would take part of the Kuchiki fortune and fund.... this.
Ichigo shifted so Chad could nail this corner of the sign. “Does this fill some need in the Seireitei?” Ichigo wondered. “I mean, do people here even know about bunny cafés?”
“That’s the beauty of it! No one knows they need it, but they do! Because: bunnies!” Rukia said, coming out with a tent placard in shape of her bunny-drawing, Chappy. On the painted sign was a long list of bakery items and types of tea and coffee. Coffee! Now there was something the Seireitei lacked, Ichigo thought.
And, of course, Ichigo had been to the bunny café in Karakura Town. In fact, he was probably directly responsible for his friends’ current insanity since he took Rukia there the last time she visited the Human World. She’d loved it… a little too much. Having a bunny to pet while you drank coffee out of mugs with bunnies on them and ate bunny-shaped cookies looking at all the bunny decorations… yeah, you kidding? It should have been a perfect date spot for rabbit-loving Rukia. But, Ichigo had failed to remember that Rukia’d be so focused on all the cute that she wouldn’t even remember he was there. He’d ended up bored out of his skull, wondering if maybe he could get her attention by whipping out Zangestu and slaughtering the annoying rodents en masse. Because, seriously, one of the café rabbits had chewed his shoe lace clean off. Another pooped in his lap. And Rukia had been so distractedly giddy he’d never even gotten a kiss.
Peering inside the still darkened café, Ichigo had one question: “Are the bunnies… dead? Because ghost bunnies are kind of sad.”
Rukia looked a little mortified, then she huffed, “Well, you try bringing living souls through a senkaimon!”
Ichigo exchanged a glance with Chad, who just shook his head sadly.
“Anyway,” Rukia continued, making a few last minute adjustments to her sign and checking out Chad’s handiwork, “We did try. But, it was too hard to keep track of all the butterflies, and I really didn’t want to name the place ‘Bunnies and Butterflies.’ It messed with my décor plans.”
“So…. Where….?” Ichigo asked, thinking about the weird little creatures that had scuttled around Heuco Mundo. Did bunnies Hollowfy?
Rukia shrugged. “I had Renji catch a bunch in the Rukongai. He used to be really good at it, you know.”
Ichigo hadn’t known, but he just nodded. Ghost bunnies in a café in the Land of the Dead. Could his life get any weirder?
#
Ichigo should have known never to ask himself a question like that. He still didn’t quite know how he ended up in a uniform that looked a bit like his bankai outfit, except there was a bowtie and... bunny ears. “Seriously? I look like a moron,” he complained again. Twisting around, he shook his head as the cotton tail that was fastened to his ass. He still kind of choked at the sight of his legs in fishnet stockings and the tiny little short-shorts that barely covered his modesty. He gulped, “Or… you know, some kind of twisted Bankai Playboy Bunny.”
In dismay, Ichigo lifted up his feet and stared at the tiny black shoes, “I mean, because: heels? Do I really need kitten heels?”
“You’re adorable,” Rukia smiled up at Ichigo in that way that made him recall how it was he got talked into this stupid costume in the first place. “You’ll be a great waiter.
“Wait, what?”
#
Wouldn’t you know it, the first people through the door was…. The entire Eleventh Division. Ichigo stood there wishing his outfit had included Zangestu when Rukia whapped him upside the head and he blurted, “Irasshaimase!”
Kenpachi’s beady eyes honed in on Ichigo. The captain was so massive that his head nearly touched the rafters, even without his hair in the goofy belled spikes. Ichigo held his breath, his face draining of all color as Kenpachi’s stare intensified and all the air seemed to be sucked out of the narrow shop. Was there going to be a fight? Was Ichigo going to die in this ridiculous bunny get-up and fishnet stockings with his last words being ‘Welcome, I am here to serve you’?
Suddenly, from behind Kenpachi’s back leaped the pink-haired Yachiru. “Oh! Bunnies, Kenny! It’s even better than Bya-boo said!!”
OMG. Saved by a bunny.
Rukia came rushing up to Yachiru and held out one of the docile, fluffy bunnies. “You can pet them,” she insisted.
And Yachiru was entranced.
Kenpachi’s gaze finally left Ichigo to take in the rest of the small café. Ikkaku and Yumichika shouldered through the narrow door next. Yumichika took one look at Ichigo and his eyes went wide. Ichigo was seriously thinking about dying of embarrassment. He was expecting a roar of laughter and lots of pointing and mocking. Instead, it was Yumichika who blushed and sighed, “Beautiful. This whole place is incredibly… hot, uh, gorgeous.”
Rukia shot Ichigo another look, and he belatedly bowed slightly and shouted another, “Irasshaimase!” thinking: I’m going to fucking hate that word in about ten minutes.
As though that was all the recommendation Kenpachi needed, he gave a gruff nod and found himself a low table to sit at. The captain nodded at Rukia who was shepherding Yachiru through all the rabbit options. “Nice work, Kuchiki.” He finally spared another glance at Ichigo. “Any chance of actual service, Kurosaki?”
With a grunt, Ichigo picked up a menu and headed over.
It was going to be a long day.
#
All things considered, the Eleventh, for the most part, had behaved under their captain’s stern glances. A couple of rabbits had bitten some of the guys, but, as Kenpachi pointed out, that was what you get when you pulled tails. Ichigo really wished he could bite some of these morons; his own ‘tail’ had gotten far too much attention.
But, Ichigo had minded his manners and swallowed his pride for Rukia. Who was… beaming. So, you know: worth it
Except for his feet starting to hurt from the heels, everything was going swimmingly. That was, until that brother of Rukia’s waltzed in. Ichigo was getting pretty adept at listening for the swoosh of the door and shouting out that asinine greeting and not really paying attention until someone needed a menu or tea or a bunny cookie or something. So, despite knowing they had a new customer, Ichigo was kind of in a zone until the room went dead silent. He glanced up from where he was getting one of the bunnies out of the cage for Maki-Maki, and saw Byakuya standing in the doorway.
Renji was just beyond his captain’s shoulder and his eyes were growing wider and more concerned as he took in the scene and counted up the number of his former regiment. Ichigo could see Renji wanted to bail. Fast.
But then Renji’s eyes met Ichigo’s…. well, really trailed up and down his outfit, twice, and Renji had an expression that could only be read as, ‘Oh fuck, I kind of think that’s totally hot!’ that made Ichigo want to smack Renji, if he didn’t think starting a fight with the big lug would turn him on more.
Byakuya, meanwhile, looked oblivious… or aloof… or fuck if Ichigo had any clue what that guy was thinking, ever. He just stood there, completely motionless, his eyes seemingly on the floor.
Rukia smiled like she was never so happy and said, “Oh, nii-sama, you came!”
But, her words were kind of lost when someone Ichigo didn’t know who, shouted “Food Fight!”
In a second, rabbit doo hit those proud, regal cheeks and Ichigo thought: it’s all over now. I really am going to die in this humiliating outfit.
But, kudos to Byakuya. He played it cool. Instead of unleashing Senbonzakura like Ichigo totally expected, Byakuya’s steely gray eyes came up and met Rukia’s for a moment. “You've done well,” he said. “A shame it must be marred by such... trash.”
“Oi, what are you saying about my guys,” Kenpachi bellowed.
Renji looked like he wanted to grab his captain by the shoulders, but instead stepped in front of him and said awkwardly, “Uh, hey, look at the time. We were just leaving. I mean, not in a retreat-y way, but, you know, at least taking this outside Rukia’s REALLY NICE PLACE, right, Taicho?”
Byakuya seemed to get the hint. “Very well. Another time, Kenpachi. My apologies, Rukia.”
“Oh don’t go!” Rukia whined.
“Oh, yes, go!” Ichigo wailed. “C’mon, Rukia! You have a REALLY NICE PLACE that doesn’t need to become another Seireitei crater.”
Out of nowhere, Chad saved the day. “We have tables outside,” he announced. “Or… uh, will in ten minutes.”
Byakuya, who’d turned his back, glanced over his shoulder. “Acceptable. We will wait.”
Renji, of all people looked vaguely disappointed, “Can we have a bunny outside?” But he raised his hands at the collective weight of everyone’s stare. “Or, yeah, I mean, we can come back for bunnies. Totally.”
#
Ichigo and Chad had the tables set up in no time. Rukia, meanwhile, was cooing over something Byakuya had brought as a gift. Over her shoulder Ichigo saw it: a Seaweed Ambassador cookie.
“Of course, we’d be honored to put it on the menu, nii-sama!”