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Every so often, on a night like tonight, in between failed plans, when the cameras have long gone home, Jay will drag Matt out of their cramped little apartment and bring him to a bar. Correction. Every so often, on a night like tonight, Jay will go out to a bar. Matt will force himself along, complaining the whole time, leaning in the entrance of their bathroom while Jay assesses his appearance in the mirror.
“We’re going where? Ugh. You know that bar smells like piss, right? I'm not even kidding, homeless guys will come in and just start peeing in the corner, I've seen it."
"You don’t have to come, Matt.” He wants to do something to his hair, but doesn’t really know what he’d do, and Matt is still standing there, watching him. He can imagine the comments he’d get if it even seemed like he was putting any thought into his looks. “I was gonna go alone anyway."
"Yeah, right. So you end up getting roofied by some skank? Then I'm gonna have to hear you coming home and whining oh Matt, I feel so violated, why weren't you there to protect me? Yeah, okay."
Jay looks over at Matt, furrows his brow in confusion. ”You think a girl's gonna roofie me?"
"What? You don't think girls are capable of that?” He waggles his finger in disapproval. “Not very feminist of you, Bird.”
Matt was right about the bar, kind of. It was pretty gross. The floor was usually sticky from spilled drinks that nobody cared to clean up. There were etchings on the bar top and the walls of the bathroom were covered in stickers and grime, sharpie markings, Call XXX for a good time. But it was close enough to be convenient, though, not the closest bar to their apartment. Jay didn’t go to the closest one anymore, after he’d hit on the bartender while drunk one too many times, and she made a pretty big show of rejecting him that last time, which had Matt laughing hysterically the entire way home, Jay having to drag him out by the back of his blazer.
Matt was currently walking in front of him, walking backwards so he could face Jay as he continued rambling about roofies, much too loudly for the crowded street setting, and Jay had to apologetically smile at the people who walked by, nothing to see here, two very normal guys who are not at all planning to roofie anyone.
“And, you know, they’ll do it to the uggos too. It’s about power more than anything. That’s why—" Matt bumps into a passerby and turns to apologize and Jay is just glad he couldn’t finish whatever that sentence was going to be.
—
Jay regrets coming here, regrets letting Matt tag along. Unlike Jay, who at least tried to wear what he thought was a good going-out outfit, Matt’s wearing the same thing as always, his stupid ripped jeans and that godawful hat. He's rambling on about some movie they had just seen, hands gesturing wildly as he recreates the climactic scene. To make things worse, the people he's talking to are totally buying in on this, on his whole thing. They're listening, laughing at his jokes, and it kind of makes Jay feel restless, like he needs to drag Matt away, back to the familiarity of their apartment, back to where it’s just Matt and Jay, Jay and Matt.
Jay hates when this happens, when Matt somehow seems able to just turn off being a crazy violent psychopath and can carry on a normal conversation with seemingly any unsuspecting person. He can be scarily charismatic, when he wants to be. Meanwhile, Jay's struck out with about three girls already tonight. He doesn't understand why but he's been going through a bit of a dry spell lately. It's because they can smell the desperate freak radiating off of you. It's, like, overwhelming, Matt had said once. He’s not desperate! He just has… needs, desires, like any other man does. It’s not weird, he has to remind himself, before Matt’s mocking voice starts trickling in through his head, Keep telling yourself that, pervert.
Jay slinks away, feeling dejected, feeling like he should be kicking a rock down a dirt road somewhere, as he makes his way to the bartender, asks for another drink, just to have something to do. He scans the room and can tell that Matt is starting to realize he left, eyes darting around, and Jay quickly turns away. At the end of the bar, he sees three girls huddled together, talking, and decides, Well, why not?, taking a large swig from the drink just placed in front of him and walking over. He hopes he appears suave as he sidles up next to them, facing the girl closest to him and introducing himself, “Hey, I’m Jay.”
The girl gives him a look, up and down, then looks over at her friends, eyebrow raised. She turns back. “Really?”
“I…” Jay’s a little drunk, sure, but he’s not drunk enough to get lost this early in a conversation. At least he doesn’t think he is.
“Seriously?” She gives him a look. “You don’t remember me?”
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, shit, shit, shit. “I don’t… I— of course, I remember you! That’s why I’m— that’s why I came over here, obviously. I was… it was a joke. I was joking!” He tosses in a laugh that comes out more uncomfortable than intended, punctuating it with a playful punch to her shoulder, and she looks down at where his hand made contact with her, back up to his face, a look of complete disgust. Jay feels very hot all of a sudden; maybe he’s drunker than he thought.
“Okay, then what’s my name?”
He blanches, tries to regain some composure, but he feels like maybe the room is spinning a bit, and he takes another swig from his drink. “I— of course I know your name. It’s…” he pauses, cringes at himself, already knowing he’s made a mistake, “De.. Da…” Her face isn’t giving him any hints. “Look, I’m sorry, I… I’m not the best with names, but… let me make it up to you. Let me…” He trails off.
The girl’s expression hasn’t softened at all, and she looks over at her friends, one of whom seems to be laughing. At me?, Jay wonders. She looks back at him and he offers a tentative smile. “Go suck a dick,” she deadpans.
“I… wha—?” Jay’s attempts at reorienting himself are interrupted by two hands pressing down on his shoulders, hard, almost knocking him backwards. He doesn’t have to turn around to know who it is, the shark circling around whenever he gets too close to any woman. He snakes an arm around his shoulders, trying to ruffle his hair but really just sort of rubbing his hand against the side of Jay’s face, and Jay tries to shake him off.
“What’s going on over here, Birdie?” Matt asks, pointedly, but there’s a hint of a laugh in his voice. He’s not as angry as usual, seeing Jay talking to these girls, probably because he’d seen him fail so many times tonight that he knows there’s no real threat of anything happening.
“Nothing, Matt, I just…” He tries to shrug Matt’s arm off his shoulders but he just keeps bringing it back up, so he gives up. “I’m just talking.” He looks behind him, back at the rest of the bar. “You done talking to your new friends over there?” he asks, and he’s surprised it comes out sounding a little bitter. He looks down at his drink in confusion, as if it’s to blame, and then takes another swallow. And, because of course he does, because he always does, Matt picks up on it.
He smiles, that awful one that slowly spreads across his face when he finds a new way to torment Jay. “Is that a hint of jealousy I hear?”
This time Jay really manages to shake him off, pulling himself away and trying to scrunch his face up into an expression of annoyance or anger, but he also can’t really tell what he looks like because now his head is starting to spin a bit and maybe someone did put something in his drink, actually. Matt gives him this awful condescending look, clearly having fun with this, and Jay kind of just wants to go back to the apartment now, realizing the girls are still sitting there, watching with amused expressions. Matt reaches forward and, horrifically, pinches at Jay’s cheek. “Don’t worry, Jay,” he says in a put-upon sugary sweet voice, “You’ll always be my number one.”
Jay feels like he might throw up, or keel over, and this bar is definitely lacing their drinks with something because all he can bring himself to do is shove at Matt a little, unconvincingly murmur out a “Stop being fucking weird.”
Matt just laughs. “Whatever, Bird. Let me know when you’re done with,” he gestures vaguely in the direction of the girls, “whatever, and we can head home. I got a lot of ideas for tomorrow.” And then, he just walks away. He leaves him there, with the girls. If Jay was starting to feel off-kilter before, he’s definitely feeling it now, a weird and heavy emptiness settling around his shoulders, heavier than Matt’s hands had felt. The girls are still there and he’s alone with them, which is technically what he wanted, but he also has this urge to call after Matt and tell him to come back, play the weird jealous freak act he usually does so they can fight and give up and go back to the apartment and maybe rehearse a bit or play a round of Mario Kart as a truce before heading to bed.
He looks back at the girls who seem to have been watching the whole time, chins in their hands and these weird, teasing smiles on their faces. He can’t remember where they had left off, she told him something, he was going to make it up to her? Something like that. “Sorry, I…” He brings a hand to rub at his face, the same spot Matt had been clumsily fumbling against on his way to his hair. “You said… you wanted me to what?”
“Who was that?” one of the girls (not the one he had been talking to) asks, in a sing-song voice.
Jay bristles a bit. “My… that was Matt. My roommate, Matt.”
“Matt,” she repeats in that same voice, and she giggles a little. Jay doesn’t think he likes this one. What’s her deal anyway, does she have a crush on Matt or something? The girl, the main one, looks over at her friends and suddenly they’re all huddled over, whispering and giggling to each other, and now Jay definitely feels weird. Maybe Matt’s right. Maybe it is pointless trying to talk to any girl ever because they’re all just a bunch of crazy bitches who only serve as distractions from the actual important shit in life. The girl, the one whose name he still can’t remember, suddenly turns, looks at him, and her gaze is different now, more inviting. Okay, maybe not.
She leans a little forward now, hand reaching out to rub circles on Jay’s arm. “You know,” she looks up at him, eyes wide and a pout on her face, “you really did hurt my feelings back then. I thought we had a connection.” Her hand slides down his arm, slowly, then back up. “I just… I wanna know that you’re someone who can be… sensitive, you know?” She bites her lip, hesitant.
“No, yeah, of course. I’m sensitive, I’m… I’m a sensitive guy.” Jay hopes it comes out convincing, but she looks away, off into the distance, as though she has to consider everything about the universe before proceeding.
“You’re pretty close with your friend over there, huh?” she asks, after a pause.
“What, Matt? Yeah, I— yeah, I guess. Why?” Now he’s confused again. Is she going to tell him he can’t be friends with Matt anymore?
“Well…” She removes her hand from his arm, bringing it up to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. She looks off to the side again. “I just… I really hate guys who are just so… macho, you know? It’s nice to see two guys who don’t have a problem being close to each other. You know, physically.” Jay tries to make sense of where this is going. Matt makes fun of him when he can’t follow the logic of one of his plans, calls him stupid, an idiot, says he should probably get his head checked if he can’t make the simplest of connections between point A and B. Where was point A again? He tries again to remember what she had said before Matt came over, what they had been talking about. It hits him at the same moment that she opens her mouth to speak again.
“I just think…”
“You want me to suck his dick?”
“I— what?” One of the other girls snorts and covers her mouth, quickly turning around, but Jay isn’t focused on any of them. He feels a little proud of himself, that he was able to solve her riddle.
“That’s what you said earlier, right? You told me to go suck a dick. I thought you were just trying to be mean, but you meant this, right? Like, so I can prove how in touch with my sensitivitive— my sensitive side I am. Yeah?”
Jay can see the shoulders of the third girl, the one with her back turned, shaking, hands still covering her face, and the second girl is huddled over close to her. Maybe she doesn’t feel good or something. The main girl looks over at them, waves a hand up and down. “Shhhh, stop,” she whispers to them. She turns back to look at Jay, a smile on his face.
“Uh— yeah, yeah, that’s… wow, you’re like, really smart. You’re really… I didn’t even have to say anything.”
Jay straightens himself up under the praise. His head is still a little dizzy, from the drink and the Matt and the… no, not the Matt. From… well, whatever. He feels good now, the dizziness transferring into a sort of floaty feeling. “I can go get him now, and then we can go back to our apartment and…”
A look passes over her eyes. “No! I mean… I don’t know.” Her voice takes that semi-pouty tone again. “How do I know you won’t, you know, get cold feet or something, once we’re there. Maybe you just want to get me to your apartment.” She lifts her eyes to the side again, lets out a little sigh.
“I could…” Jay thinks. What would Matt do, if this was another Rivoli plan? Okay, well, first, they’d start at the whiteboard, right? And Jared would be there, and Jay would— that was it! “What if…” he puts his hands out, “what if you stay, stay right here, and I go over there and I get Matt, and I… you know, and I just record it. And that way I can prove it to you.”
At this, the third girl gets up hurriedly, shaking her head and basically running away. Maybe she drank too much and has to throw up. Jay looks over, raises an eyebrow, but then just looks back at the first girl. She has a smile on her face that he can’t really decode but it’s a smile which must be a good thing. She nods, reaches out both hands and places them on each of his arms. “That’s a really good idea, Jay.”
—
Jay was definitely going to be able to rub this in Matt’s face. He basically came up with a plan all on his own. Who needs you?, he could say. He walks over to Matt, who’s talking to someone else again, ugh, and drags him away by the arm, bringing him to an empty corner of the bar. Matt looks at him with a furrowed brow and a hint of a smile on his face. “Ready to go?” he asks.
Jay shakes his head, puts his hands out again like when he’d proposed the plan to the girl in the first place, ready to blow Matt’s mind. “That girl I was talking to, she totally wants me. But she has, like, relationship hangups, or something. So, she wants me to prove myself.” He gestures his hands in a circle, a one-thought-leads-to-the-next type of motion, but Matt’s smile has disappeared now, and he’s just left with a confused expression.
“Okay?”
“Well, this is where you come in.” Jay smacks Matt’s arm and he flinches a bit.
“I’m not following.”
Now it’s Jay’s turn to make fun of Matt’s stupidity. He laughs, shakes his head. “Oh, Matthew. It’s really simple. She just wants me to…” He stops. The floaty feeling from earlier is kind of gone, as is the dizziness. Now he’s just standing there, realizing he’s about to propose that he give Matt a blowjob in the bathroom, on camera. “I…” He laughs again, but this one comes out uneasy. “Okay, just listen.”
“Oh, great, Bird. What did you promise her? She’s got you committing some fucking act of terrorism or something? You’re not about to do another 9/11, are you?”
“Ha. No. I… okay. She was basically saying how she hates, uh… she liked that you touched me— no, I mean, so.” He takes a deep breath. He can say this, right? It’s not that weird. Right? “Basically, she thinks it’d be cool if I, like, sucked your dick and filmed it so I could show it to her and prove that I’m not some kind of macho abuser guy… or something.” He says it fast, hoping that will somehow make it make sense to Matt in the way it made sense to him not even two minutes ago, but Matt’s staring at him like he just grew a second head.
“You… she…. what?”
“It’s not… it’s not really that weird. It’s like… it’s like how girls like to watch gay porn sometimes, you know?” Matt raises an eyebrow at him, and Jay hurries through. “Or like when you make two girls kiss in front of you.”
“You make girls kiss each other?”
“No, I mean, I don’t. I’m just saying, guys do that. It’s, like, a thing guys do.” Matt seems unconvinced, and Jay is about to open his mouth again when he realizes that he’s standing there, about to beg Matt to let him suck his dick, and that’s definitely not something he wants to happen ever in his life, so instead he just grabs Matt’s arm again and drags him over to the single stall bathroom. Matt opens his mouth, seemingly to protest, but no words come out, just some weird noises and now they’re in the bathroom and the door is closed behind them and that sterile overhead light is on and they’re both just standing there, staring at each other, breathing heavily.
Jay pushes Matt and he lets it happen, body bouncing against the wall. He’s still quiet, staring at Jay, lips parted slightly, and the silence is so much weirder than his constant talking. Jay rubs his hands anxiously down the front of his thighs. “Here,” Jay says, fumbling with his front pocket and bringing out his phone, handing it to Matt without looking at him, looking over at his reflection in the mirror above the sink and then immediately down at the floor, not liking the flustered face that looks back at him.
This seems to be enough to snap Matt out of whatever that was, and he grabs the phone, instantly bringing it up to his face to view Jay through the screen. The corners of his mouth twitch, like whatever he’s looking at is completely hilarious when really it’s just Jay, standing there, eyes nervously darting around.
“We’re really doing this?” Matt asks. Jay nods and that triggers a bark of a laugh from Matt. “Okay,” Matt says, and he plays around with the phone a bit, brings it back up to his face, so Jay assumes he’s started recording. “You need to say something like, I’m Jay McCarrol, I’m over the age of eighteen, and I consent to being in this video.”
“What? No, Matt, that’s weird. That sounds… creepy.”
“No, Bird, it’s what girls say in those videos so you know they’re not being sex trafficked against their will or whatever. They do it all the time.”
“Do it all the time? What kind of creepy porn are you watching?”
“You think it’s creepy to know these women aren’t being sex trafficked? What, you’d rather they were? That’s sick, Bird, that’s sick, you freak. Though, I guess they’re probably all being trafficked at the end of the day, eh? Like, they just tell them to say that but they’re probably Eastern European or something and don’t even know what they’re saying so it’s just like—"
Jay puts his hands up. “Okay, whatever, stop, let’s just— I’m supposed to…”
It’s silent again and there’s a thickness in the air that Jay wants to blame on the bar, somehow, maybe they’re pumping in some noxious gas and the two of them are going to be found passed out on the floor, but instead he just decides whatever, fuck it, and drops to his knees.
Matt makes a noise, a strangled sort of sound, that Jay tries to ignore. He also tries to ignore the fact that Matt’s crotch is right in front of his face. He looks away, sees Matt's knees, those stupid holes in his jeans, seemingly getting bigger and bigger each day. Jay’s always surprised his knees aren’t permanently covered in some layer of grime, exposed to the elements like that all the time. Instead, they always look soft, smooth. Something outside of his control, maybe it’s the alcohol in his system, compels him to reach forward, and he does, a hand coming forward to cup at Matt’s knee. There's a sharp intake of breath from Matt and it makes Jay flush, pulling his hand back.
"Okay, well, I'm just gonna..." Jay looks up at Matt. His face is already flushed, splotchy, his eyes dark. He's chewing nervously at his bottom lip. They make eye contact and there’s a hitch in Jay’s throat. Something shifts in Matt’s eyes, passes over, and he adjusts himself so he’s looking at him through the phone’s camera again.
"Come on, man. You look like you're gonna start shaking or something. You have to act more, uh, sexy. Like you really want it."
"But I don't really want it."
"Okay, well, Jesus, don’t say that when I'm filming you, Bird, you make it sound like I'm... like I'm forcing you or something. To any authorities who may be watching, I am not forcing Jay to suck my dick." He says this last part louder, as though there's actually someone watching from afar and it’s not just the phone directly in front of his face. "See, this is why you should have said that consent thing earlier. Maybe we should do it again."
"Matt, I'm not doing, fucking, reshoots of this."
"No, listen, Bird, it'll be quick, just—"
“Are you hard already?"
"You just fucking dropped to your knees and I’m about to get a blowjob, yes, I'm hard, Jay. You would be too. Well, you'd be hard from a fucking soft breeze, you freak pervert. You got hard when we watched Jaws because you thought—"
Matt is cut off by Jay reaching forward, hands coming to unbutton Matt's jeans, pull down the zipper, pull out his dick, one quick motion, like ripping off a bandaid. There's a pause, a silence. Jay feels like he can't even hear any noise coming from outside the bathroom door, like everyone else in the bar also immediately shut up, like everyone out there knows that Jay is on his knees and Matt's dick is out and something is about to happen that will probably be considered crossing a line to most.
Okay. Matt's dick is in front of his face. He’s going to suck him off. And it’s totally normal and fine and actually it’s not really gay at all because he’s doing it to get with a girl and it’ll show her how he’s actually really openminded and completely secure in his sexuality so it’s actually kind of really masculine and heterosexual of him. It's like… a new wave of masculinity. And it’s Matt. It's just Matt. It’s less gay, probably, to suck your best friend’s dick than if he was just sucking any random guy’s dick because then that would be like he just wants to suck dick and he’s never even thought about doing that before. Okay, maybe he’s had thoughts about Matt sucking his dick, but that’s also not really weird or gay, actually, because that’s just due to the constant close proximity. Like guys in prison. Not that his living situation is like a prison, it’s just—
"Dude, if you’re gonna chicken out we can just leave because it feels pretty weird just standing here like this."
"No, I'm gonna, I just..." He looks up and Matt's looking down at him and he's smiling and it kind of looks like he's making fun of him and also like he's happy, maybe, and whatever it is is making Jay feel strange somewhere deep inside so he tries to ignore that and has to think of something to say. "Can you— take that stupid hat off your head, I'm not gonna blow you while you're wearing that."
Matt laughs, a scoff, and just shrugs his shoulders. One hand still holding the phone in place, he takes off the hat with the other and places it squarely on Jay's head, who scrunches up his face and bats it off. It lands on the floor and Matt makes a noise of protest. ”Come on, the floor is disgusting." Matt goes to pick it up and Jay has to lean back onto the heels of his hands, Matt's dick narrowly brushing against his cheek.
"Hey, watch it."
Matt turns back around after setting his hat on the sink, giving Jay a look. "Seriously? You're gonna put it in your mouth but you're scared it might touch you. Come on, grow up."
Jay flushes at the directness of put it in your mouth, and just gestures back at the wall, silently urging Matt to get back into position. “Okay, just, you know, don’t tell me you weren’t filming or something after because I’m only gonna do this once.” Matt snorts and Jay glares up at him, then holds that glare as he leans forward to take Matt in his mouth.
He hasn’t done anything but sort of awkwardly put his mouth around him, but it’s enough to pull a breathy laugh out of Matt, his hands fumbling a bit with the phone. Jay pulls back. “Don’t fucking drop that thing on my head or anything.”
“Okay, well, uh, watch the teeth, you fucking piranha.”
Jay rolls his eyes and takes him in again, further this time. Jay begins to bob his head back and forth, hesitantly, unsure. It feels kind of weird, but Matt’s making these choked-off noises above him so he must not be doing too bad. He goes further, tries to take him in deeper, but goes too far too fast and gags, which elicits a whining moan from Matt, sending that weird feeling to the pit of Jay again, which he tries to ignore.
“Are… so— are you…” Matt’s trying to talk through it, but he keeps getting cut off by his own breathing, or maybe it sounds like he’s going to start laughing, Jay can’t really tell, trying to both focus on the task at hand and also not think too much about it. “Are you supposed to moan my name or her name?”
At this, Jay pulls off. “Seriously, Matt? I’m not gonna moan anything.” He’s glad for the interruption, though, because the noises coming from Matt were crossing some weird pornographic wires in his mind and he really hopes Matt can’t see the hard-on that’s been growing in his pants. Maybe there was a soft breeze around or something. “Anyway, I…” His voice gets quieter, as if he’s whispering this solely to the dick in front of his face. “I don’t— I didn’t get her name, anyway.”
“Oh my god. Bird. You let this girl convince you to make a gay sex tape and you don’t even know her name? What, are you actually clinically retar—"
“It’s not a sex tape!” It comes out incredibly childish and Jay cringes, not wanting to look up at Matt.
“Oh, Jay. Come on.”
Jay just wants Matt to shut up and he doesn’t really know what other way to make this happen than to continue blowing him, so he does, pushing him up against the wall with both hands, holding his hips back. A choked off Jesus, Bird, spurs him on, and he decides he might as well put on some kind of show. For the girl watching, of course. He hollows his cheeks, and the stuttering moans from Matt send shockwaves through his body.
“Jesus, Birdie, you’re— you’re— you suck a lot of guys off in bar bathrooms? What, you’re doing some— ah, some fucking cruising I’m not aware of? Is that why you’re always so desperate to go out alone? Fucking— mmm, fucking Al Pacino over here.”
Matt thinks I look like Al Pacino? Matt’s saying these things and it sounds like he’s making fun of him but it also sounds like he’s complimenting him and Jay feels that dizziness again from earlier and he can’t help the groan that breaks free, humming around Matt, who lets his head fall back on the wall with a thud.
“Jay, I’m— fuck, you’re— I’m gonna…”
Jay pulls off and, before Matt can make any noise of complaint, he replaces his mouth with his hand, stroking as Matt’s hips buck forward. He can’t look up at Matt, can’t see what his face looks like right now, doesn’t want Matt to see what his looks like, so he mutters against the length of his dick, “Does it… does it look good?”
“Good, good, yeah Jay, yeah, it’s good. I’m seriously, I’m—“
Jay stops. He has to remember how he got here, what the point of this was in the first place. He looks up at Matt through his eyelashes, eyes big and brown, and asks, a genuine question, “Do you think she’d like it more if you came in my mouth or on my face?”
“What the fu—“ Matt blurts out, somewhere between a laugh and a groan, and he comes instantly, some getting on Jay’s face, some down the front of his shirt.
“Oh, come on man, what the fuck!” Jay says, stumbling backwards, and Matt’s looking down at him with this deliriously giddy look on his face, laughing. He looks him once over, sprawled back on the floor, and Jay realizes at the same moment as Matt that he is still, unfortunately, painfully hard.
“Come on, get… get up here.” Matt says, offering him a hand, and Jay takes it, whatever it is Matt’s about to do, whatever’s about to happen next. He lets Matt press him up against the bathroom sink, hand slipping into his pants, clumsily tugging, and Jay’s head falls back, eyes shut tight. Matt crowds in closer, faces pressed against each other. “So good, Birdie. You’re so fucking good, Birdie. So perfect.” Jay can feel Matt’s breath, hot against his cheek, at the edge of his mouth. If he were to turn his face, just slightly… but he comes, it doesn’t take much, with an embarrassing moan of Matt’s name, and the bathroom is quiet again, except for the sound of their breathing.
—
Jay walks a distance behind Matt on the way to their apartment, hands in his pockets and eyes on the ground while Matt laughs, practically bouncing, spinning around.
“You seriously couldn’t find her anywhere? Oh my god, she totally tricked you, dude. Oh, this is great, this is just—" He cuts himself off with a laugh again, clapping his hands together, but Jay doesn’t think it’s that funny.
“Whatever, man, let’s just… let’s just pretend this whole thing never happened. Okay?”
“Okay, okay, sure.” The two continue their walk in silence for a bit, Matt seemingly calming down, before he turns to Jay. “Hey, can you send me the video later?”
“What? Ugh, Matt, no, I’m deleting that as soon as we get home. What are you even talking about?”
“Deleting it? No, man, come on, what if we need it?”
“Need it?”
“What if… what if this is how we get a show at the Rivoli?”
“Matt—"
“No, listen! What if we plant the video in Vince Valence’s office. Then, we say… we say it was stolen! Our precious sex tape! And that’s a violation, he’s violating us! And the only proper compensation would be if he booked us for the next night’s show!”
“I don’t think—"
“Or! Or… we blackmail him! He has the video and we say, we know that you, Mr. Gross Old Vince Valence, get off on these poor, unsuspecting young men. And we’ll tell the whole world! Unless you book us right now.”
Jay stops for a second, and Matt does too. He looks up, running the idea through his head, then says, “You really think that could work?”
A smile breaks out on Matt’s face. “I mean, it could use some workshopping, but yeah! This could be the one!”
Matt’s invigorated again, starts hurrying down the sidewalk, and Jay picks up the pace, following after him. Maybe it could work. Who knows?