Work Text:
Somebody needs to turn down the sun. Or better yet, destroy it entirely. It’s way too bright. And the stupid idiot birds chirping outside? Blow them up, too.
As you groggily came to, the splitting pain in your head and nauseated feeling in your gut told you two possible stories; either you got slugged in the gut by an oni, or you were made to drink like one. And judging by the scent of alcohol and vomit assaulting your senses, it could only be an ebriection of epic proportion that left you this hungover.
You weren’t normally the type to get completely shitfaced. Regardless, as you blinked your eyes a few times to chase away the morning blur, the few brain cells that were not drowned in what you could only assume was 201-proof alcohol began to put together the circumstances. You were in some kind of small, Western-style cottage, it was a warm, early-autumn morning judging by how much light was pouring onto your face through the window (goddamn that light to hell, at least the poor souls down there would appreciate the change), and you weren’t alone; someone was breathing softly on your immediate right, you heard an irritating scratching noise come from higher up and to the left, and yet another person groaning and shifting around further about.
With a groan of your own, you reached your hand up to soothe your aching head, only for a heavy weight to snag around your right wrist and keep it pinned at neck-height. The accompanying clink of metal and a whine from the woman laying to your right was concerning, but you let your arm limply drop to the carpet beneath you as you contemplated your life choices and tried to recount the events of last night.
First, you had been foraging around the foothills of Youkai Mountain, looking for wild akebia fruiting around the not-yet-marcescent trees. Odd activities for most of the humans living in your village, but you were a little more adventurous than most. Second, there was a lot of drinking. No shit, Sherlock. Third, there were also a lot of very big women shouting and carousing. Yamanba, or maybe oni? With one or two exceptions, oni hadn’t been spotted in Gensokyo for hundreds of years, so that didn’t make much sense, but you seldom knew the mountain hags to party like that either. Fourth, you’re pretty sure you got (literally) swept up with them and dragged along on their spiritual journey, imbibing more than your body weight in alcohol. It was fun for maybe three seconds, then you just wanted to go back to the village. Obviously, you didn’t make it home.
The sound of footsteps and a ceramic thunk to your left caught your attention and your ire, but as you rolled onto your side to look for the culprit your wrist once again caught on something. “Mnngh... S-Stop...”
Now you had to know what was going on with your immediate neighbor. You rolled back and turned your head to your right. Laying not five inches from your face was the bustline of a woman collapsed on her left side, and what an absolute disaster of a woman she was. Tousled green hair stood out strong against the off-white carpet, and a tangled mess of burgundy ribbons and one heavy gray chain were strewn all over. Her dress was probably once lovely, a rich maroon shade matching her ribbons before a brighter red took over along the hem, but you were pretty sure the sickly brown vomit stain all over the chest area was not a design choice, nor was the asymmetry between the intact right sleeve and the shredded left sleeve. You were also pretty sure you’d seen her before, but in your present delirium you couldn’t spare it any brain power.
“Oh, you two’re awake…” Another voice, from the left this time, once again pivoted your attention. You once more turned your head, and this time it felt like your brain was sloshing around in a tub. After suppressing your urge to vomit, you focused on the figure standing before you. This one had raven-black hair, a half-unbuttoned white blouse, and a black skirt. You could faintly pick out the smell of coffee coming from her mug, even through the olfactory hodgepodge of booze and bodily fluids assaulting you from every angle. “Ayaya, you are a disaster, aren’t you? Coffee?”
The thought of putting any liquid into your body right now made you gag again. Aya gave you a small, sympathetic smile. “Guess that’s a ‘no.’ Well, take your time getting up, you two probably aren’t going anywhere for a while anyway...”
After what felt like an eternity of just lying there counting down the iotas of pain as they steadily disappeared, the green misery on your right whimpered again. “My house is a wreck...,” she sobbed.
“Yeah... My condolences, Ms. Kagiyama. They’re all gone now, at least,” Aya consoled before taking a sip from her mug and walking out of the room.
This time whatever was snaring your wrist was tugging on you instead of the other way around, as the woman slowly sat up next to you. You followed her lead, and took a few moments to re-orient yourself as the mere act of sitting up rocked your world.
“Ah...” She was gazing down at her wrist, which had a large metal cuff wrapped around it. A chain connected it to a matching cuff around your own wrist, linking the two of you together. How in Gensokyo did that happen?
You glanced up to meet her eyes, as green as her messy hair. After studying her for several seconds, you finally recognized her as Hina Kagiyama, whom you’d encountered on two or three occasions. Without her hair tied in front, she looked like a completely different person. She seemed to recognize you as well, and gave you a sad frown as she tugged on the shackles. You followed suit, thoughtlessly trying to pry the metal cuff off, but of course it didn’t budge. It was designed to keep wrists bound together, and that’s exactly what it was gonna do.
“This isn’t... your doing, is it...?”
You reassured Hina that you didn’t even own a set of shackles, and she seemed to believe you as she politely nodded.
“I see... My apologies, then. I’m just a little frightened and confused.” As she became more cognizant of just how close she was lying to a drunk male on the floor of her own house, her cheeks tinged a little pink. “Err... and you don’t think anything... untoward happened, yes?”
Not to put too fine a point on it, but you were pretty sure if you had plowed a misfortune goddess’s pussy last night, at least one of you would have remembered it no matter how much alcohol had been imbibed. You made that clear to Hina, albeit in significantly more polite terms.
“Right, right. Apologies, again. I don’t mean to be denunciatory, I’ve just never woken up like... this before in all my years...”
Her worried expression vouched for her words. She obviously wasn’t a heavy drinker, and this was a strange and entirely unwelcome experience for her. Still, she powered through it, taking in a deep breath of air and pushing out any doubts she had about your gentlemanliness. “Well, shall we stand up...?”
You nodded, and the two of you slowly rose to your feet. Hina stumbled back down onto her ass halfway, pulling you back down with her, but the second time you rose in unison. Wobbling slightly, you turned to look at Hina but she didn’t meet your gaze. Her eyes were widened in shock at something behind you, and as you turned to look you immediately regretted it.
Passed out and curled up on the dining room table was a third woman who was, to put it eloquently, currently in a state that your forefathers might have described as “buck-ass nude.” Speaking of ass, if not for the white tail that mercifully rested along her crack, you’d be staring straight into her asshole right now. In another context and another lifetime, waking up to an attractive naked woman laying on a table might have been a sexy surprise, but under these squalid circumstances it was just kind of revolting.
...Okay, maybe it was still a little nice to look at.
The white hair and wolf-like ears atop her head identified her as a white wolf tengu. You weren’t stupid enough to intrude on tengu territory, but you did occasionally cross paths with them when you grazed the border or witnessed a combat drill in the foothills. They were always stern and dutiful, but polite and forthcoming as long as you stayed on your side and didn’t intentionally aggravate them. It was hard not to admire their dignity and work ethic.
No dignity nor work ethic was on display right now, of course.
“Ugh, my table. My house...!” Hina cried softly as the carnage began to settle in. Besides the filthy naked person laying across the place that she eats her food, there was also a former chair that had quit its job to pursue a career as a pile of splinters, some shelves hanging at unnatural angles where they’d been ripped halfway off their foundation, and at least three holes punched in the wall that you could see. A display cabinet full of heirloom hina dolls was tactfully unperturbed, but cheaper paper dolls and their straw rafts were crumpled all over the floor alongside empty bottles of liquor, some broken. The carpet was covered in assorted stains, and there was what looked like a pile of broken glass in one of the corners.
Instinctually, you patted her in consolation, not even thinking twice about social decorum like “do not touch a lady without her consent” or “do not touch a youkai at all.” Moreover, the gesture was ruined a little by the chain yanking Hina’s own arm as you moved yours, causing her to wince in mild physical discomfort. Thankfully, she seemed to understand the intent and settled down, letting out a sniffle.
Aya emerged again from the kitchen at that time. Now standing at her level, you could see she wasn’t in great shape either. Her blouse was missing two buttons and slacking off her left shoulder, exposing a black bra strap. Her hair was as disheveled as everyone else’s, the sides in particular sticking out. She had clearly been clutching her head a lot. Nevertheless, she forced herself to address Hina with optimistic vigor. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much, Ms. Kagiyama. We’ll make contact with the tsuchigumo and get the repairs done like that.”
She snapped her fingers to punctuate her point, the sound causing all three of you to flinch and the white wolf tengu to let out a noise halfway between a growl and a gurgle. Her left arm scratched up and down across the table restlessly, and moments later her eyes shot open.
“Oh, you’re finally awake, Momiji? How are you feeling?”
“...Like shit. Eugh... Where are we and why are you—?”
Momiji realized her current lack of attire and began patting herself down, skin meeting only more skin. A moment later, her eyes widened and her face turned red as a tomato as she jumped up to her feet, scrambling to cover herself.
“GYAAAAAH!!!!”
The sudden vertical movement was too much for the hungover tengu, and she immediately fainted backwards, splayed out on the table with her legs spread for all to see.
“Oh, dear...,” Hina muttered next to you, averting her eyes in secondhand embarrassment. You followed suit, but only after the sight of Momiji’s vagina had already burned itself into memory. Nicely shaped mound, thin trail of snow-white hair directing your attention down to soft, maroon lips. Parted ever so slightly, enough to see the little nub nestled up top.
Unfortunately, the visual was immediately ruined by her turning her head to the side and vacating her stomach all over the corner of the table, much of it dripping off the edge. “Guuuh...” She took deep breaths to steady herself, coughed a few times, and weakly wiped vomit from her lips. “Shameimaru... You...”
“Take it easy, Momiji, you’re—”
“You bastard... What did you do to me?!” She sat back up slowly, concealing her modest breasts with one arm and cupping her womanhood with the other. She briefly slumped to the side, quickly righting herself all while staring daggers at Aya.
“Why do you immediately think I’m the one who stripped you naked? You probably did that yourself.”
“Why didn’t you cover me up at least?!”
It was a fair question, especially since Aya had clearly been up and about for at least an hour or so before everyone else. “I didn’t really have the time or energy to go find a blanket.” She let out an antagonistic chuckle. “Besides, miss out on this overreaction?”
“Overreaction? OVERREACTION?! I’m unclothed!” Her eyes darted to you for a moment. “In front of a man, no less! This is truly beyond the pale, even for you, Shameimaru. You’d better not have taken any photos for that smut rag of yours, or I’ll...”
Aya crossed her arms, suddenly offended. “Bunbunmaru is not a smut rag, and I’ve done no such thing. You’re paranoid.”
“I still haven’t forgotten that humiliating shoot you press-ganged me into.”
“Oh, please. That didn’t even reach publication, and I was the only one of us three showing anything indecent anyway.”
You were getting a headache from their bickering, and Hina seemed to share in your sentiment, rubbing her temples. “I apologize, but could we please take things down a notch?”
Aya and Momiji exhaled. Aya scratched the back of her head, and Momiji glanced downward at the table’s wood grain, trying to distract herself from her own indecency. “...Gods, how did this even happen? I’m not some vapid party girl...”
“None of you three remember last night, huh?” Aya smiled bleakly. “Lucky for you, I never forget a thing no matter how much I drink. Much like the Children of Miare, I too—”
“You took photographs, Shameimaru. That is not the same thing.”
“Y-Yes, okay, what of it? The camera never forgets, and it’s as precious a part of me as any vital organ, therefore—”
“Again, if there are any of my body in there, I’ll be having a word with Lady Iizunamaru.”
“And again, I’m telling you, I didn’t. Do you truly think that little of me?”
Momiji simply scoffed in response, and Aya mockingly imitated her scoff right back before getting back on track. “Anyway, I was gonna wait until everybody’s up before I recounted last night’s tragedy, but Ms. Kawashiro’s still out for the count, it would seem.”
“...No ‘m not... ‘m awake...”
You didn’t even know Nitori was here, but her voice hoarsely emanated from beneath the table Momiji had desecrated. Peering below with Hina, the two of you spotted the kappa laying face-down on the carpet, unmoving. Her hair was strewn about, the usual pigtails undone, and her hat was missing, giving you a rare glimpse at the top of a kappa’s head. Her work dress was bunched up under her hips, baring her thighs, and a rank mix of acetaldehyde and ammonia assaulted your nostrils. How long had she even been there?
“...Been awake since you went ‘n’ made coff... ee.”
“Why didn’t you say something? I could have used your help sweeping all the glass.”
“Couldn’t move... Couldn’t talk... Can’t move.”
“Not even an inch? It’s been over an hour since then.”
“Noooope. Can’ move.”
Her slurred speech and apparent immobility were immediately more concerning than any of your petty issues, the other four of you exchanging glances. Momiji pivoted away from you on the table and set her feet down off the side, gingerly dropping down to the floor.
Aya spoke as Momiji dismounted. “Ah, be careful. I got most of the glass but I can’t be sure I didn’t miss any.”
“I’ll be careful.” Momiji slowly crouched down to examine Nitori. “Can you feel this?” she asked as she prodded the immobile kappa’s left bicep.
“Yeah, stop. It’s sore.”
“Then it is not some sort of total paralysis, at least. Let’s get you out from under there and onto the couch, at least.” Momiji moved to do just that but stumbled down onto her rear, her own lingering intoxication catching back up with her. “Ugh...”
You felt your arm tug as Hina crouched down to assist in Momiji’s stead, forcing you to squat as well. You gingerly hooked your arms under Nitori’s while Hina straightened out the work dress and hoisted her up by the thighs. The two of you gingerly carried the unmoving kappa toward the sitting area, using the chain for a little extra support beneath her. She was like dead weight.
Hina huffed as she side-stepped with you. “So damp... Are you sweating, Nitori?”
“Pissed m’self...”
Without a word, Hina immediately let go of Nitori’s thighs. You lurched forward trying to support Nitori’s weight alone and were unable to stop her knees from crashing down onto the mercifully carpeted floor.
“Ow...”
“S-Sorry! I didn’t mean to drop you, it’s just...” Hina sighed. “I suppose that explains the rank odor. May I ask that we not set her down on my couch?”
“Floor’s fine... just set me against a wall.”
“Nngh... but my carpet—”
Aya appeared in a flash with a towel, and set it down in a circular shape in the corner where Hina’s couch met the wall. As the three of you got Nitori settled into her nest of shame, you discussed among yourselves just what might be wrong.
“Perhaps she just drank too much? Do kappa become paralyzed by that?” Hina worriedly asked.
“Nuh-uh, we’re strong drinkers...”
“Probably not a matter of quantity. I’ll bet she’s having a bad reaction to something she drank,” Aya pondered.
“If she is poisoned, then she needs medical attention.” Momiji approached, covering her breasts with her left forearm and her vulva with her right palm. Your eyes had been focused on the latter earlier, but with her most indecent bits covered you couldn’t help taking in the rest of her unclothed figure. She had a lithe, slightly toned build as you’d expect from a soldier who never skips a day of training, albeit more focused on swift movement than raw brawn. Athletic. She seemed to notice your glance, and shyly turned away a little. You apologetically turned your attention back to the patient.
With great effort, Nitori managed to tilt her head up. “I’ll be fine... Just need to rest it off...”
Momiji shook her head. “Hardly. We’ll be taking you to Eientei as soon as—”
“Why’re you two chained together...?”
“Ah...” Hina flinched sheepishly as Nitori turned her attention onto the two of you. Unfortunately, you had no answer to give the kappa.
Aya fielded an explanation for you instead. “It was probably just an oni’s idea of a prank. ‘Hee hee, hoo hoo, let’s handcuff a misfortune goddess to a human, funny.’”
Then there were oni here last night.
“Yeah, and not just here,” Aya darkly muttered. “The day we all dreaded fell upon us last night. Youkai Mountain has fallen.”
Momiji’s ears perked with concern, and Nitori’s own face fell back down as she grunted. Worried, you asked Aya what she meant, and she took a light sip of her coffee before elaborating. “We mountain-dwelling youkai have lived in constant fear of the oni returning to our home. Last night, a whole army of ‘em came crawling out of Old Hell to ‘reclaim’ the mountain. And by that, I mean they just wanted an excuse to go on a massive drinking spree across the entire mountain, under the pretense of proving to us that they could always take it back if they wanted it. No doubt they’ve all slunk back to the Former Capital by now, not giving a crap about the trail of destruction their BYOB bar crawl left.”
Oni, different tengu varieties, kappa... The politics and hierarchical strife of Youkai Mountain baffled you further and further every time Aya ranted about them. It was probably for the best you never dared sneak into the actual forbidden zones above the foothills.
Momiji sighed. “I can only hope the damage isn’t too severe.”
“Lady Iizunamaru and the other bigwigs had been trying to keep things under control up home, but she sent me down here to scope out the situation lower on the mountains. You guys were already caught up in the revelry by the time I got sucked in.”
“I can’t even remember any of that...” Momiji muttered, glancing around at the wasteland of empty bottles. “How much was I made to drink...?”
“Aaaaanyway, you two aren’t coming apart any time soon.”
Hina’s eyes widened slightly. “Wh-Why’s that? Can we not simply break the—”
“—Chains forged by oni, strong enough to restrain even an oni?” Aya gave a coy look.
“Ah... I suppose not...” Hina bit her lip as she stared down at the metal keeping her bound to you. “Perhaps Nitori has a tool that could remove them...?”
Nitori weakly laughed from below. “Nuh-uh... You ever hear of a ring avulsion?”
“I cannot say I have.”
“If I use a machine to pull those off, it’ll probably take most of the flesh off your hands with it.”
You physically felt Hina’s hands tense up through the chain. Definitely no to that, then.
Aya took back over from Nitori. “They’re never coming off without the key. I didn’t see it around when I swept the floor, so chances are an oni took it home with them.”
Hina frowned. “And... how long do you think it’ll take to get the key back? Before noon, at least?”
Aya laughed darkly. “Don’t be naïve. Even with Old Hell being more accessible nowadays, it’ll be a pain in the ass for anybody to go down there and begin canvassing the oni, let alone find the damn thing. I expect you two will be spending at least a few days together, maybe a whole week.”
Nitori began weakly laughing her ass off, while you and Hina gaped in horror. “A week?! No way! We need these off now!"
“And that assumes it didn’t get lost in the river or something, in which case it might never—”
“E-Enough! Please! I don’t want to think about that!” Hina sobbed.
“If I could be brusque, Nitori’s situation is more pressing than the two of them being chained together,” Momiji remarked, still concealing herself. “Shameimaru. You’re clothed and alert. Would you mind transporting her to Eientei while I try to find my clothing?”
“You could put a little more respect on my name if you’re going to make requests of me... But fine. I’ll drop Nitori off.”
“Bath first. I smell...”
Aya frowned. “You can’t even stand up right now.”
“You sit in a bath.”
“Th-That’s not the... Nitori, I don’t think it’s safe to leave you alone in a bath right now. Even a kappa can drown, as the proverb says.”
“But I pissed myself...”
Aya nodded “If it’s that important to you, then I can help bathe you, but—"
“Nuh-uh.”
“...’Nuh-uh’? You can’t even lift your arms or legs, we can’t leave you alone in there.”
“Not you.”
Spurned, Aya’s face fell a little. “...Then whom?”
“Um... Hina.”
Momiji, doubt written on her face, hopped in to make sure Nitori knew what she was saying. “Nitori, there are three women besides yourself here at the moment. Of those three, you’re choosing the only one currently stuck to a man.”
“Don’t care.”
“You’d rather get bathed by a man than me,” Aya sought to reaffirm.
“Yeah.”
Aya sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “That’s... Whatever.” She turned her attention to you. “I’m sorry, but d’you mind...?”
Taking a bath with Hina and Nitori was definitely not on your bingo card. The logistics and nudity were somewhat daunting to imagine, but you couldn’t turn down Nitori in her hour of need, so you reluctantly agreed. Just... not so quickly that it’d make you sound eager.
Hina was a little more hesitant, glancing away and holding her own arm. “Err...”
“You’re gonna have to take a bath with him eventually anyway, might as well have another girl there watching your first time with him.”
“Don’t phrase it that way, Shameimaru...”
Hina’s bath was surprisingly modern and impressive, mercifully untouched by last night’s destruction derby. A large, ornate tub dominated most of the space, with a matching vanity and wash basin on the other side, and a soft-looking toilet in the corner. All three were presumably connected to Youkai Mountain’s enviable waterworks. Cosmetic products and spare ribbons were strewn around the vanity—Hina clearly liked to doll herself up a little.
“Spared no expense, huh...?” Nitori muttered as you set her down on a stool Hina slid out from under the vanity.
“Ah, well, I’ll admit I splurged my budget here. I need a long, hot soak after a day of collecting misfortune, you see.”
“How big’s the hot water tank? Which model is it? Which kappa installed it?”
“I don’t remember any of those, sorry. I think she had purple hair.”
That banality aside, you wondered if she was rinsing all that accrued misfortune straight back down into the river, to which she let out a giggle. “No, no, it’s not water-soluble or anything like that. Don’t worry. I was speaking psychologically.”
Delicately undressing Nitori was more difficult than expected. She attempted to lift her arms to help the work dress come off, but they hung limply off her shoulders like slabs of meat despite her best efforts. You had to hold both of her arms up above her head while Hina shimmied the dress up, until finally you could snatch the hem without letting her arms fall back down. The plain white bra was next, which you gingerly unclipped from behind while Hina was left with the unenviable task of sliding Nitori’s soiled panties off. You shot her a sympathetic look, and her frown softened a little. You couldn’t see Nitori’s face but you could feel the shame radiating off of her as Hina tossed the garment across the floor.
You weren’t about to contaminate the entire bath with kappa piss, so you baled some water out of the tub to rinse the worst off. Hina delicately sponged Nitori’s legs and crotch with a soaked rag, taking care to minimize how much water spilled out onto the floor. You had little else to do except glance down at Nitori’s back as you lightly scrubbed her down.
Nitori had been so skittish the first few times you crossed paths with her, but now here she was letting you wash her. Admittedly only due to extenuating circumstances, but you wondered how this would affect your friendship going forward.
“Okay. She should be good to get in, now.”
Carefully, the two of you picked Nitori up and set her down in the hot water. Intended or not, you wound up getting a pretty good glance at her naked form in the process: Compared to Momiji, the best adjective to describe her was “petite”. She had a small figure, with modest (perhaps just slightly large relative to her height) breasts adorned with small pink nipples. She didn’t appear particularly muscled, despite the kappa’s alleged love for sumo; perhaps they used their machines for that and not their core? Her vulva looked tight and smooth, only the hairless outer lips visible; everything else was tucked away inside the slit. Perhaps the most striking thing about Nitori in the buff was just how unstriking she was; without her hat, work dress, key, backpack, or any other kappa paraphernalia, she just looked like a normal human woman. No weird gills or scales, no stretchy arms or bald spot. Just a short, blue-haired woman with no muscle control and a bad odor.
“Ahhhh...” If she was bothered by you seeing her naked, it didn’t show in her big smile.
“Better?” Hina couldn’t help smiling too, in spite of everything.
“Much... You two’ll join me, right...?”
Hina looked down at her dress. There were vomit stains on it (hopefully her own) and it was completely torn up. Your own attire wasn’t much better, and you felt, well... filthy. She gave you a look, as if weighing whether it was worth getting naked with you or not, before sighing in defeat. “Very well. Just, um... please don’t stare.”
You nodded, and she meekly began to lift her own dress off. Of course, with a chain wrapped around her wrist, she quickly realized she could not free her arm from the sleeve. “Er... How exactly am I to...?”
The dress was quite literally only hanging on by a thread, however, and the way it tugged up against the chain was the last straw; the already-enormous tear on the side grew with a loud rip. “Ah. Well, I suppose this dress is ruined regardless...”
She tore it the remainder of the way, and let it fall off her body. Black panties with a white lace trim along the waist, and a matching bra. Not bad at all. More distracting than her underwear was her figure, though. If Momiji was athletic and Nitori was petite, Hina was definitely... curvaceous. The dress had hidden it well, but her back had a very strong, feminine arch to it, emphasizing her round butt. The panties were pretty tight, squeezing around her hips and forming the faintest indent of a slit along the bottom-center. Up above, her breasts were definitely on the larger size, pliantly melding to the shape of the brassiere. You promised you wouldn’t stare, but...
As Hina reached behind to unclasp her bra, her eyes met yours and she pouted, cheeks tinged red. “You have to get undressed too, okay?”
“Yeah! He gets to see us naked, so we get to see him naked! Let’s see how big it is, bro!”
“Nitori...”
She certainly seemed to be rejuvenating fast for someone who was slurring her speech not fifteen minutes ago. Perhaps it was just because she was back in a kappa’s natural habitat.
Now that the spotlight was on you, you felt a thousand times more sympathetic to the three naked women you’d seen so far today. It really was an embarrassing thing, being nude in front of the opposite sex. ...Especially right now, when you have an erection. Nevertheless, you persevered, shedding your clothes one layer at a time (destroying your top in the process) until you, too, were nude as the day you were born, both hands over your stiff crotch.
“Come onnnn, cheater. Move your hands.”
You politely declined, and Nitori pouted.
“Ah, um...” Hina snapped out of whatever trance she was in, and gingerly slipped her panties down from her hips, nearly tugging your wrist down with hers. You saw a brief glimpse of thin, dark green hairs clinging like seaweed around rosy lips, the third vulva in less than two hours. Hina swiftly strode ahead to the tub and stepped in, eager to conceal herself. “W-Well? You too.” She tugged your wrist with the chain, urging you forward. From here, you could see her butt in all its cute, smackable roundness, but you knew you couldn’t look at it forever. You stepped along and lowered yourself into the water with her, immediately realizing how much you needed a soak too. It felt good.
The three of you relaxed in silence, washing away the misery that had been hanging over you since last night.
In Hina’s bedroom, Momiji nosed around the closet looking for something to wear while Aya paced around agitatedly.
“All she has is frills and dresses...”
“Does Nitori hate me?”
Momiji hung a dress back up and examined a second, even lacier one. “I mean, I like skirts just fine, but these dresses are a little too frilly for— What are you on about, Shameimaru?”
“Does Nitori hate me?” Aya repeated, turning around and walking back to the opposite wall. “I mean, I’d like to think I treat her well, yeah? I write mostly positive reviews of kappa inventions, I shop at the bazaars... Does Nitori hate me?”
“Because she didn’t want to be bathed by you.”
Aya threw her hands up dramatically. “Yeah, that! And she was pretty rude about it, too!”
Momiji finally picked out the least offensive dress she could find, not too dissimilar from Hina's usual wear: Maroon, loose, and adorned with ribbons. She held it up by its shoulders, examining its size. “Question, Shameimaru. If you were in this situation, would you want Lady Iizunamaru to be the one who bathes you?”
“What?! Hell, no! She’s my boss, not my mom! That’d be the most embarrassing thing ever! ...Ah.”
“Nobody wants their worst moments witnessed by people they’re trying to impress in the social hierarchy.”
“I guess the kappa do rank below the tengu... Is that why you’re so cranky? Because I’m a crow tengu and you’re a naked white wolf tengu?”
Momiji’s tone didn’t shift as she slipped on the mildly contemptible dress and frowned at its fit, batting at one of the dangling ribbons and trying to get her tail comfortable in an outfit not designed to accomodate her biology. “I’m cranky because I dislike being naked in front of anybody. I don’t really care about you specifically, but if one of my superiors were here it’d certainly be worse.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean? I am your superior!”
“Of course, my apologies, Shameimaru.”
You mostly kept your gaze down at the surface of the water. The tub was pretty big, but not enough for three occupants to avoid intimacy. Hina’s left thigh was pressed against your right. Her soft, smooth thigh. On the other side, Nitori’s left foot was sprawled by your knee, gently flexing her toes in an effort to regain control of her body. Occasionally, you lifted your gaze to check on her. She didn’t move much, just sat slumped against the rim of the bath, her chin grazing the surface of the water. She tried to lift an arm or adjust herself, but you could tell it was taking a herculean effort on her part.
To your left, Hina just minded her own business, trying not to look at you while she washed herself. Occasionally, her eyes wandered over and quickly darted away before she could make out anything beneath the water, her own thighs tightly pressed to conceal her pelvic region. Come to think of it, it was kind of weird that she even had a vagina at all. It wasn’t surprising seeing Momiji’s or Nitori’s (well, okay, it was surprising that you saw them), since you figured the tengu and kappa reproduced sexually, but Hina was a misfortune goddess. That was a type of youkai you’d always assumed just sorta... sprung into existence apropos of naught but the will of the cosmos. Was Hina born? Did her vagina serve an actual function, or was it just decorative? Could you impregnate Hina?
That last thought was wildly out of pocket, enough to make you wonder if you had hit your head last night. Not wanting to raise the mast for the girls again by lingering on the perverse idea, you tried to focus on the trim above the bath. Trim. Hina’s trim. Okay, maybe somewhere else instead. The wallpaper, maybe. The flowery pattern was only slightly yonic. Why was there wallpaper so close to the bath, anyway? Wouldn’t it peel from the moisture? It clearly wasn’t peeling, so you could only assume the architect knew what they were doing. You could feel your hormones subsiding as you drowned your thoughts in frivolous questions about house design.
Minutes passed in blissful silence, the warmth of the bath soothing your bones. Nitori slowly slipped downward into the water, her mouth disappearing below the surface. Hina noticed, and let out a small “Ah!” of concern. Nitori responded by blowing some bubbles, maintaining eye contact all the while.
Hina settled back down, her breasts bouncing slightly as they came to rest on the surface. “...Please don’t do that, Nitori. It’s gross, and we can’t tell if you’re sinking or not.”
Nitori blew a few more bubbles with a languid look in her eyes, before she begrudgingly tilted her head back out. The cheeky smirk rising from the waves spelt trouble. “Hey, Hina. Wanna make a bet?”
“A bet? On what?”
“...I’ll bet you five hundred yen the two of you fuck before those cuffs come off.”
That really did it. You opened your mouth to object but Hina beat you to it, splashing both of her fists down on the water as if it were a courtroom bench. Her face started turning a deep crimson. “Absolutely not! Don’t say things like that!”
“Geheheh, too afraid you’ll lose, huh~?”
You could swear the water was getting warmer now instead of cooler. “No! That’s not it! I just don’t want to dignify the idea! I-I mean, I’m a misfortune goddess and he’s a human!”
“So what? A week is a long time. You two are gonna be bathing together... sleeping together... bein’ naked together... Maybe getting stuck to you was good fortune for him~”
“This is not appropriate, Nitori. Please stop.”
“Who knows what could happen over the course of a month? Nobody’d hold a little miscegenation against ya.”
“Wait, why are you saying ‘a month’?! Don’t make it longer!”
“I’m just saying, it’ll be several years before you come apart, so you might as well, right?”
“Aaaaah! Kn-Knock it off!”
As horrifying as that was to imagine, Nitori’s teasing attitude and Hina’s squirming was more entertaining than it was embarrassing. You couldn’t help letting out a snort.
“Don’t encourage her! It’s time to get out of the bath!”
You helped Hina hoist the giggling Nitori up out of the water, not a care in her mind even as you held her by her ass. She settled down, as did her eyes. “Nice cucumber, by the way. Hina’s a lucky girl~”
The three of you entered Hina’s boudoir, where you met with Aya and a freshly clothed Momiji. The dress fit weird around her rear, and it took you a moment to realize it was the base of her tail tenting out the back of the fabric. You yourself were still in just a towel, so you flinched away a little from their gaze. Momiji shot you a small, sympathetic smile that simultaneously read “My condolences” and “Now you know how it feels, sucker”.
“Soooo, how was your bath~?” Aya nosed in.
Hina let out a short breath. “We’d rather not talk about it. I see you found a dress, Miss Inubashiri?”
Momiji politely bowed. “I hope you don’t mind me borrowing it, given the circumstances. I’ll return it once I properly reclothe myself.”
“Hold on, what do you mean we’d rather not talk about it?” Nitori interjected. “I thought it was fun.”
Aya's instincts kicked in. “Ayaya, did something saucy happen in there?”
“Just Nitori being inappropriate.”
Nitori smirked while Momiji dried her hair with a towel. “Hina’s too afraid to take a bet that she won’t have se—”
The misfortune goddess gazed down at Nitori with that indescribable look on her face. That face you’d seen her make once or twice. “N i t o r i, do you remember what kind of youkai I am~? Do you remember what I can do~?”
“Alright, alright! I’m sorry! Don’t curse me!”
Momiji exhaled softly, and resumed drying the contrite kappa off. “Your energy seems to have returned. Good on you.”
“Yeah. I think we can cancel the Eientei visit.”
“Absolutely not. You were poisoned. Just because it’s working its way out of your system doesn’t mean we can simply ignore it.”
Nitori attempted to stand up off the bed, but stumbled back down on her ass. “Really, I’m fine! I don’t need—”
“You’re going,” all four of you told her in unison.
Another of Hina’s dresses was loaned out to Nitori. Aya helped pull the dress down over her head, pulling her arms through the sleeves and lifting her butt off the blankets to slide the hem down past her knees. Nitori glanced down at her new outfit, then smiled at Momiji. “Hey, look, we match.”
Momiji simply frowned at the clothing comparison. You felt a gentle tug on your wrist, and turned to see that Hina was trying to get to her dresser. You accommodated her, and faced away as she picked out some fresh underwear and dropped her towel. Even facing away, you could feel the chain drag your wrist down as she presumably stepped into panties, and then back up when she was hooking the bra behind her back. Aya walked over to help her clasp it.
“So, how’re you gonna wear clothes with the chain in the way?”
“Ah, I hadn’t considered that...!” Hina sighed. “I can’t exactly fit my arm through the sleeve... perhaps I’ll have to modify a garment?”
Aya tapped her chin thoughtfully as she turned to you, earning a small shift of discomfort from you. “And how about him? What’s he gonna wear? Even if the chain wasn’t in the way, he doesn’t have a change of clothes with him.”
Nitori piped up, only half-attentive. “He can just borrow a dress, like me ‘n’ Momiji.”
Your face flushed a little at the idea, and you awkwardly stammered out a refusal. That just made things worse, and Aya immediately pounced. “Ooh, yes! He’d look great in that! If you manage to get him into a dress, Hina, please let me know and we can do a photo shoot!”
You turned to Hina with a distressed look on your face, hoping she’d put an end to this conversation about stuffing a man into her clothing, but she just glanced aside with a restrained giggle. No help whatsoever.
Nitori didn’t relent as she glanced up and down at Hina’s current attire, a ribbony red bra and matching panties. “He could borrow some underwear too, right?”
“Yes! Even better!” Aya was holding her camera excitedly and breathing heavily, as if this was about to happen right here and now and not at some vague point in the future.
You, of course, intended it to happen never. Mercifully, Momiji came to your rescue, a light blush tinging her smile. “Alright, I think we’ve teased him enough. You’re going to give the poor man a heart attack, you two.”
Back out where it all began, you and Momiji were dutifully picking up some stray bottles from the floor while Hina finished tying her hair in front of her chest with a ribbon. Aya straightened out Nitori’s borrowed dress; it was just a little too large on her frame, Hina being about ten centimeters taller of the two. “Alright, I’ll take Nitori to the clinic first, then I’ll come back up to the mountaintop to convene with Lady Iizunamaru. Then I have to put together a special edition to let the people know what happened, and then I guess I have to go to Hell, literally, to talk with a whole bunch of oni just to track down a tiny little key.” She clutched the sides of her head, mussing up her hair again. “Uuuugh, this is the worst day...!”
Hina bowed politely. “Please, hurry. I can’t perform my duties as long as he’s shackled to me like this. I can’t even spin!”
Nitori turned her head. “Is spinning actually part of the process, or is that just a thing you like to do?”
Momiji rose up, pre-empting any answer from Hina. “Is this a bottle of the Aki sisters’ imo shochu? They must have been raided, too.”
“Horrible. I’ll bet they wasted an entire year’s batch,” Aya scoffed, taking the bottle from Momiji and examining it before setting it down on the table. “All the more reason I need to go check the summit. Ready, Nitori?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Up we go, then! Hang on tight.” Aya scooped Nitori up into arms, stepped out through the door, unfurled her wings, and took off into the sky with enough windforce to bounce the door against the limit of its hinges and clear every autumn leaf in a fifteen-foot radius. You glanced upward hoping to catch sight of them flying down the hills, but she was already beyond the limits of your vision.
Momiji stepped outside next, politely bowing to Hina and yourself. “Thank you again for the dress, Miss Kagiyama. And thank you for handling things as respectfully as you did. You’re a strong human to get mixed up in all this nonsense with a bunch of youkai and come out the other end unharmed.” She turned her attention back to Hina. “Keep him safe, please. Even the foothills are dangerous for humans... though in your present state I can’t imagine you setting foot outside the house very much regardless.”
“Indeed. I’ll simply have to take a stay-cation, I suppose. Please bring some supplies when you return the dress.”
Momiji nodded, before gingerly flying away herself, holding the hem of her borrowed dress down with some going-commando discomfort. Her tail gently swayed below, threatening to betray her at any moment.
It was now just the two of you. You turned back in and surveyed your temporary home. The bottles were cleaned up, but the broken furniture hadn’t magically repaired itself during your bath, and there was still enough glass shrapnel in the corner to make a stained-glass window for the Scarlet Devil Mansion and have enough left over for a chandeleir. At least you’d have something to occupy yourself this week. ...Cleaning up, not building decor for vampires.
“Well, I suppose we should figure out some manner of clothing ourselves.” Hina's melodic voice snapped you back to the reality of your predicament. Standing around in a towel while she stood at your side in just underwear was awkward, especially with nobody else around to lighten the mood. “We’ll also have to figure out sleeping arrangements... Obviously, we’ll have to share the bed. Are you prepared for that?” Again you found yourself having to glance away and think innocent thoughts before your penis became visibly erect through the towel.
As you scrambled for a change of subject, the only other topic you could really think about was the fateful implication of being bound to a misfortune goddess. That concern had been percolating in the back of your mind for the past two hours, and you finally decided to express it in the least offensive way you could muster. All matters of sexuality and privacy aside, were you in danger?
“Ah, you don’t have to worry about that. Despite what the taboos say, I’m pretty good at controlling exactly where and how the misfortune manifests, and keeping it off of people. If anything, being right next to me might actually be the safest place to be in that regard. Like the eye of a storm!” She gave you a sincere, sweet smile that made your heart skip a beat, her lovely emerald eyes meeting your own. “I promised Momiji I’d keep you safe. Moreover, if you’re going to live in my house for now, I also have a responsibility to keep you comfortable, well-rested, and fed, too. Would you mind letting me take care of you for the time being?”
You returned her smile and thanked her, promising to be a good, respectful guest for however long you were stuck to her, be it weeks, months, or permanently. As you glanced down at the oni-forged chain keeping you indefinitely intertwined with a beautiful, kind-hearted misfortune goddess, you began to wonder if maybe, just maybe, Nitori was correct. Maybe this was good fortune disguised as bad.