Chapter Text
Riff-Fics: House on the River
Fandom: The Dark Crystal, any random old school sci-fi/fantasy flick the author gets her hands on.
Author: TinaMR
Date Published: 2006-2007
Complete: Yes, thankfully.
Trollfic: Sadly, no.
Author Status: Long gone from the internet.
The Riffers: My OCs, Harut, his twin brother Marut, and Mist Elmbarn.
PROLOGUE:
Mist Elmbarn: Now, it's time to brace ourselves for a crappy fanfic.
Marut: Here goes nothing.
Harut: The stink burger begins at 4....3.....2.....1!
The setting is modern-day America. To be more specific, it's a twenty-two story high rise called the Random House, which overlooks a body of water known as the Grand River.
Harut: It's like Drawn Together, only lamer.
Marut: And with even more unnecessary angst to boot.
It might have existed since the beginning of time, no one really knows for sure.
Mist Elmbarn: It existed since the dawn of self insert fanfiction. End of story!
Marut: If only this story was that short. That would be a blessing.
Many characters from different stories and folklore have been brought here, among them the characters from The Dark Crystal. It is a wonderful, magical place, and all invited to join it feel honored.
Mist Embarn: Coming to a theater near you! It's 1980s Nostalgia Vomit: The movie!
Harut: Or it could go direct to streaming.
Marut: No! No brother! Don't give Netflix anymore ideas. They have enough junk on their service as is.
The residents each have their own rooms, along with a large communal room on each floor, where the guests can converse, mingle, watch television, throw parties, or do whatever else they please.
Mist Elmbarn: There aren't going to be any Toga Party scenes in this fanfic by any chance?
Marut: Geez, I hope not!
With such a diverse group of denizens in this extraordinary place, many are the best of friends, but many more are the worst of enemies. Still, as it is considered an honor and privilege to reside here, those who are not on the best of terms have learned to tolerate each other. To do physical harm to another is strictly forbidden.
Marut: WAIT? WHAT? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? (slams his fist on the arms of his seat)
Mist Elmbarn: So the villains are actually not villains anymore?
Harut: Is this a Dark Crystal fanfic, or is this a Full House fanfic?
Marut: The real name of that wretched show is called “Everybody Loves Michelle Sue”! Get it right brother.
Harut: Ah okay, that makes sense.
Mist Elmbarn: WE DO NOT BRING UP THAT SHOW ANYWHERE! EVER!
Harut, Marut: Ummm....okay Mist...0_o
This place alone has many stories of its own to tell, not just the ones of the characters which it contains. The following is a tale of infinite hate along with true love, as well as regret and forgiveness.
Mist Elmbarn: There are also tales of keeping your dignity, and being an embarrassing Lolcow as well.
Harut: There also tales of fun adventure and boring, tedious fluff.
Marut: UGH! I have a horrid feeling that this story is all fluff, and no excitement.
Mist Elmbarn: All fluff and no excitement, makes this fanfic a dull story.
Harut: I know, right?
It is also only one of many that have been grown and nurtured in this strange and diverse place.
Mist Elmbarn: Strange and diverse place? HA! It is about as strange and diverse as Melrose Place!
Chapter 1. The Best Intentions
Marut: What an ironic chapter title! Ironic for all the wrong reasons that is.
The rain poured down outside. Kira sat alone in her room, contemplating her surroundings. It had been two years since she had first arrived at this place called the Random House. Although most of it was strange and alien to her, it was also a place of peace.
Marut: Now that Kira has adapted to the smog and chemical spills of the human world, she is totally adapted now. It's not like her gene pool is now contamination from the toxins.
Harut: Let's just hope Kira doesn't plan to vacation in Fukushima with Jen.
Mist Elmbarn: Nor Pripyat for that matter.
It was a place eons far away from the pain and sadness she had known on Thra.
Mist Elmbarn: Hey, at least Thra doesn't have their own version of Chernobyl. Unlike the human world of Earth.
She looked more human now, as everybody did who came from far off lands, even the gentle urRu and the cruel Skeksis, who also resided on the same floor. Once genderless, individuals from each race had identified themselves with male or female, as well as taking on a more human form.
Mist Elmbarn, Harut, Marut: NOOOOOOO! NO NO NO NO NO! NO! NO! (The angelic trio are all violently quaking in their chairs in rage)
Mist Elmbarn: She took away that one precious thing that made the Skeksis and UrRu memorable characters.
Marut (as SkekUng, the General Skeksis): GARTHIM! DEATH TO ANIME BISHIE GIJINKAS!
Mist Elmbarn, Harut (as the other Skeksis): GO GO! KILL THE ANIME BISHIE GINJINKAS POSING AS US! UGLY HIDEOUS GIJINKAS!
Still, she did not question this fact since it just seemed a natural thing in this world, which she was now a part of. In fact, she tried not to think of it much at all, since she figured the less she had to do with either race, particularly the cruel Skeksis, the better off she would be. Yes, there was the unspoken, unwritten rule that they could cause her no harm, but she did not entirely trust that.
Mist Elmbarn (as Kira): If only this wretched Random House allows me to carry pepper spray....Dang those pacifists!
As deceptive and conniving a race they were, she was fairly certain they would come up with something to make her life miserable if she got too close.
Marut (sarcasm mode): NOOOOOO! I thought the Skeksis would be in a field of flowers, singing show tunes from “The Sound of Music”.
Mist Elmbarn: Good lord.... If the Skeksis start to break out into singing, I am so outta here!
Harut: Ditto to that!
Then there was Jen, the only other one like her in this large and seemingly alien world. They had found each other, back on their home planet known as Thra, the last of a race that had been all but exterminated. Although both now were technically human, it seemed still they were the only two alike.
Marut: Looks like Jen and Kira have that one thing that made them unique, stripped away as well, so they can be faces in the crowds (sigh!).
Harut: Good lord. How many Gijinkas are there in this fic? Sheesh!
Still, there was a part missing there and she could not figure out why. When she looked at him, there was something that told her what she should be feeling. Yet it was not there. It was as if she knew she had a role to play, but didn't fit the part.
Mist Elmbarn: Maybe the Random House is really located somewhere in North Korea. Then the story would make far more sense.
Just as her thoughts were tangling around this quandary once again, her phone rang. It was her friend Eros, who resided on one of the higher levels of the building.
Mist Elmbarn: Now what the heck are Greco-Roman gods doing in an oppressive, no fun allowed place like “The Random House”?
Harut: Because....Reasons? Who knows?
Marut: And who cares? The fanfic is still lame either way.
“Hey Kira! I was wondering what were you were doing tonight. The club is open late, and they have fifty cent drafts until midnight.”
Marut, Harut, Mist (praying): Please don't let there be a Toga Party in this fanfic.... Please don't let there be a Toga Party in this fanfic....
“You know Eros, that actually sounds fun,” she said eagerly. “Meet me down here at 8:00 and we'll get ready.”
Mist Elmbarn (as Kira): 8:00 AM? Or PM? I hope not in the morning. I am quite the heavy sleeper.
Being the Greek god of love himself, Eros always wanted to know every minute detail of his friends' love lives if he didn't already.
Mist Elmbarn: Wait? What? Is this Eros, the Greek god of love? Or Edward Cullen from the Twilight series?
Marut: Let's just hope that Eros doesn't get turned on by blood stained panties and used napkins.
Harut, Mist Elmbarn: EWWWW! MARUT! GROSS! (Groans and gags in disgust)
Marut: (Whistles a random tune.)
Kira had confided in him before, but tonight she was feeling particular confused about where she and Jen were heading, and it was certainly nice to have a person there to talk to who was an expert in such matters.
Marut: Kira especially loves it when Eros shows off his dirty fetish art on sites like Deviant Art.
Harut, Mist Elmbarn: Deviant Art? DO NOT WANT!
“I don't know Eros, we've been through so much together,” Kira stated ever so sadly.
Mist Elmbarn(as Kira): Hmmmm..... Should I be a nurse, a teacher, a housewife, or a sleazy stripper at a Las Vegas Show Girls club?
“Being the last two of our kind, one would assume we would automatically fall for one another. It just seems that hasn't happened. He tells me he loves me, and that he wants to have a family, but myself, I'm not so sure. And that kills me.” She looked so melancholy as she made this statement.
Mist Elmbarn (as Kira): BAAAAAAAAAW! I wanna have sex! But Jen keeps withholding it from me. WAAAAAAAAAH!
“That's certainly understandable,” replied her friend. “But things often do not come wrapped up in a nice neat bouquet, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
Harut (as Eros): What do you think this is Kira? A Disney Princess film?
Mist Elmbarn: No fanfic! Don't go there!
Marut: We beg of you author. STAY AWAY FROM THE DISNEY FORMULA!
Have you tried talking to Jen about this? Perhaps that may help.”
Mist Elmbarn (as Kira): Sorry Eros. It seems like Jen would rather watch kiddie cartoons and pig out on junk food, rather than have the birds and the bees talk like an adult.
Marut (as Eros): Oh (sighs), he's one of those type of guys. HUMPH!
“I understand what you are trying to tell me, and part of me knows that you're right, but I really was hoping it wouldn't come to that. I was just hoping that my emotions would just bounce back up on their own.
Mist Elmbarn (as Kira): Now I need my lithium...(sigh)!
“Well, you need to stop thinking about it, Kira. Go out and have fun tonight. Let your hair down. Things may seem better in the morning.”
Harut (as Eros): Because booze and coke are the best problem solvers! To hell with counseling! Getting drunk and high is where it's at.
Mist Elmbarn (as Kira): Oh Eros...thank you for this lovely advice. I'm gonna get high like there's no tomorrow!
“You're right, Eros. Perhaps I am just way over-thinking this whole thing. The more I think about it, the more difficult it becomes. Perhaps if I just let go, it will work itself out.”
Mist Elmbarn: Oh no! I'm starting to have flashbacks of crazy Frozen fangirls gushing over Queen Elsa, and singing along with her.
Harut: The less said about Elsa's fanbase, the better off we all are.
Marut: Amen to that brother.
“Now you're going somewhere,” he agreed. “Remember, love is not something that can be forced. Yes, it does take work and commitment, but you will always run into problems if you try to force the issue, or be with someone just because that's the 'proper' thing to do. I've seen my fair share of heartache over that one.”
Harut (as Eros): Oh, the harsh realities of love at first sight being a myth.
“We'll just see. Tonight for once I'm not going to worry about it. Let's go and have a good time.”
Mist Elmbarn (as Kira): Now, let's go to our Brazilian sex tours!
Marut (as Eros): Now your talking!
The two friends arrived at the nightclub known as Top of the Rock at approximately ten thirty that evening.
Harut (sarcasm mode): Oh wow! Top of the Rock! What a creative name for a night club.
Connected directly to the high rise in which they resided, it was only open to residents of the Random House, which that little fact alone made it the most exclusive nightclub in the world. On any given Saturday night, the place would be packed wall to wall people, some being Greek gods including Zeus himself....
Mist Elmbarn: But in reality, Zeus would rather hang out in brothels and strip clubs, rather than a mere generic night club like Top of the Rock.
others coming from planets in far off galaxies such as Luke Skywalker of Tatooine and his sister Leia. And this night was the same as any other a packed dance floor with people and races of all walks of life and backgrounds.
Marut: Star Wars reference, because why not?
Harut: Well, look on the bright side Marut. At least this isn't a smut fic involving Gungans nor Hutts.
Mist Elmbarn: EWWWW! You just put some nasty and gruesome images inside my head. Thanks a lot you two! (shudders and makes gagging noises)
Kira went up to the bar to get a drink. Just as the bar tender was taking her order, three Skeksis walked past her and sneered. She shot an icy look back at them. As it stood now, for the very first time in her life, those vile things, vile even though now they looked as human as she did, were the least of her worries, and she was not about to let them spoil her evening.
Marut: And the Skeksis were stripped of the things that made them unique and interesting.
Mist Elmbarn: Way to go author.
Harut: And I thought The Mysterious Mr. Enter's Growing Around series was full of horrifying and unfortunate implications. But House on the River takes the cake from Growing Around, and inhales it in one gulp.
“Good god, I can't believe they let those filthy things in here,” the one known as SkekEkt chirped to her companions, after walking past Kira. Her tall frame was dressed from head to toe in layers of silks, polyester, embroideries and scarves. Long silver and gold earrings hung from her ears, which were pierced in multiple places, including her nose. A dozen different necklaces, bejeweled with ornaments of rubies, emeralds and crystals, hung around her neck. Although much younger looking and easier on the eyes than back on Thra, as were all the Skeksis including the wise and gentle urRu, in place of her heart was an ice cold rock.
Mist Elmbarn: Wait, WHAT? SkekEkt is female now? We all know that Miss SkekSa is a Skeksis that uses female pronouns. What gives?
Harut: I always thought SkekEkt was the cross dressing trap of the Skeksis clan.
Marut: If this was written by a Tumblr brat, SkekEkt would be a transwoman. A very shitty, unintentionally stereotypical transwoman.
Mist Elmbarn: Kind of like Brianna Wu?
Harut: Or (shudders) Chris-Chan?
Marut: BINGO!
SkekSil, their former chamberlain, nodded and whined in agreement.
Harut (as the SkekSil the Chamberlain): Mmmmgh! This is so humiliating. I wish someone would just drain my life essence and get it over it! (sniff) (sniff) (SOBS)
“They ought to be drained and hung out to dry. Wretched things they are,” replied SkekNa. “The only use I see for them is do wash our laundry in the morning. If not, be gone with them!”
Harut: Even since entering the human realm, via unmentioned Deux Ex Machina, SkekNa is now working as the janitor for The Random House.
Marut (as SkekNa): Humph! Now it's time to scrub the toilets clean. There goes my dignity as a former Skeksis.
The former slave master gave one harsh look back at the female gelfling before they rounded the corner.
Harut (as SkekNa): If only I didn't have my freedom and identity taken away when we were forced into joining this Gijinka cesspool....(sigh) What were they thinking?
Marut (as SkekNa): Oh man! My boner imploded on me, and has now become an extra belly button. Being a gijinka sucks ass!
In spite of the possible Skeksis encounters while here at the club, this was the one part of the week Kira always looked forward to. The music was pumping, and it seemed to take her soul along with it.
Mist Elmbarn: And right there, Kira discovers the wonders of recreational drugs in the Human realm.
Above all, it reminded her of the few happy days in between the torment and loss of her life on Thra. The days she had spent being raised by the podlings, where if they were not being attacked by the garthim, it was a day of song and dance. It brought back memories of the joy and merriment that seemed to fill the world whenever her clan decided it was time to throw a bash.
Mist Elmbarn (as Kira deep in though): Ah those were the days...the days before I discovered beer and cocaine. Ah memories!
She also got to see many of her friends from other floors as well as her own, including Princess Allura of planet Arus, talk about her week, and join in the general party atmosphere, leaving all the cares of the week behind.
Harut, Marut, Mist Elmbarn: NOOOOOOOO! NOT 1980'S VOLTRON! WHYYYYYY?! STOP THE FANDOM RAPE!
Mist Elmbarn: The author should have waited years for the Netflix Tumblr bait re-boot of Voltron to come out instead. Now that show is a toxic fan magnet.
The following day, she awoke with a slight headache, from the two drinks she had had the night before. Not too bad, but definitely worth an aspirin. Her 5'1” 95 lb body was pretty vulnerable to the potions of alcohol.
Marut: Now why does Kira have an eating disorder all of the sudden?
Mist Elmbarn: Because she's depressed over getting her identity, personality, and uniqueness taken away when entering The Wretched House.
Harut: I'd be depressed and starve myself too, if I had my freedom, identity and personality taken away from me as well.
Marut, Mist Elmbarn: Same here Harut. Same here. (group hugs for a bit)
Harut: Now why is it a good thing to live in The Random House again? I forgot.
Today she was supposed to hang out with Jen, who had rang her cell phone while she was at the club. She had considered canceling, blaming it on her headache, but then thought better of it. No, she was going to try to make this work, despite her feelings.
Marut: And just right there, Kira discovers that she has a brain tumor growing inside of her.
Harut: This story is one big brain tumor in itself.
Mist: I know, right?
Eros also rang her that morning, to make sure she had gotten home okay. She told him she had, mentioning her plans with Jen, what they were doing, and where he was meeting her. Eros thought to himself, “This is my chance to do something good.”
Harut (as Eros): Because love spells and potions solve all the problems in romantic relationships.
Marut (as Eros): Because love spells and potions have never been known to backfire before. Nope nope nope.
As good-natured and kind hearted as he was, Eros truly wanted to help his friend. Being the god of love, he actually did have the power to help her. Yes, someone as vibrant and as full of life as Kira should not be alone and unhappy.
Marut (as Eros): Because it's not like Aromantic Asexuals exist at all. Nope nope nope! It's all a Tumblr myth, like there being 76 genders in existence.
He had chewed on the idea through out last night, and as of this morning, he decided he would do what was within his capabilities. He just could not let on the feat he was about to perform, or it would not be as special to her if she knew some other force was behind it.
Mist Elmbarn: Or better yet, not involve love potions nor love spell, and let the relationship evolve and grow.
Harut: Love spells? Love potions? Ha! More like mind rape spells and potion.
SkekNa awoke late morning in a fowl mood. Well, nothing that unusual, considering that was his general temperate anyhow, but damn he had had a lot to drink the night before. That stupid little fuck SkekSil would not shut up the entire night, and he assumed that must be part of the reason for waking with this general uneasiness. He got up, poured himself a lukewarm cup of coffee, with four shots of espresso and turned on the television. It was the typical crap about the Iraq war.
Mist Elmbarn: Iraqi War? Did BLEEDMAN WRITE THIS!? (Slams her fist on the arms of her chair)
Marut: Ugh! I hope not!
“Why don't they just exterminate those people in the Middle East and get it over with?” he thought bitterly to himself. After all, the easiest way to get rid of a problem was to just get rid of it, wasn't it?
Harut (As SkekNa): Oh man! I wish I was with Grim, Billy, and Mandy, going all 9/11 on New York City! Instead, I am here in a totalitarian hellhole, cleaning toilets for a living. Life is hell! WAAAAAH!
Na, he couldn't be bothered with this nonsense right now. He finished his coffee, and jumped in the shower. This was one modern convenience that he wished they had thought of at the Crystal Castle.
Marut (as SkekNa): But I still miss the palace bathhouse, where us Skeksis would participate in lurid orgies with our slaves of desire. Ah....those were the days!
After he was finished, he dressed himself in several layers of dark clothing, including a dark pair of jeans, a black T shirt, a black sweater, a black cardigan, and a dark red snake skin jacket over that. Old habits do die hard, especially when it came to layering on his garments. He then applied a touch of black eyeliner. A single crystal pendulum hung around his neck. He ran a comb through his shiny black hair, which was shaved to the skin, except for the top of his head which had grown in thick about 4 inches long, hanging partially in front of his eyes. Yes, he definitely liked his younger, more human appearance since arriving here. The Skeksis as a whole were a vain bunch, even more so in this world, and SkekNa was no different.
Mist Elmbarn: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! They turned SkekNa into a poor man's version of Jin Kazama, only without the Devil Gene to make SkekNa stand out from everyone else.
Harut: I'd rather be playing any of the Tekken games right now, rather than reading this tumor of a story.
Marut: Amen to that brother!
Remembering he had left his notebook with his list of chores back in the communal room the previous day's morning, he put on his studded leather boots thrown gingerly in his closet. Things were a little different here now that he no longer had slaves at his command to do his bidding, and resented that fact.
Mist Elmbarn: Now, SkekNa has a blue collar job, selling women's undergarments and lingerie. Oh, such is the way of the world.
Marut: And the kicker here....All the beautiful women shop online for their intimate apparels, because they have tastes, standards, and wouldn't be caught dead hanging with blue collar lingerie salesmen, let alone shoe salesmen for that matter.
Harut: So SkekNa tragically has to deal with “ugly wokester chicks” on a daily basis, slowly and painfully killing off what's left of his libido.
Mist Elmbarn: So SkekNa is basically the Al Bundy of the Skeksis clan. Now all he needs, is to marry a wife with a big ass beehive hairdo, and a trashy hillbilly attitude to make his life complete.
Never the less, there was work to be done around his little apartment, and that list would help him make it complete. He left his personal dwellings and headed out.
Harut (as SkekNa): Grumble grumble....All the ugly wokesters chicks want me.... They want me to sign my autograph on their fat rolls and cellulite. The Random House sucks ass.....BIG TIME!
Jen had made plans with Kira the previous night to meet him in the communal room where they would drive together out to dinner. He knew she had been distant lately, but last night on the phone she seemed down right perky, and eager to see him. He dressed himself, taking extra care with his hair and grooming. He wanted to look good for her. He walked in, and the room was empty. He was thinking he was alone, but that wasn't quite true.
Marut: Then, Jen made the mistake of putting on Axe body spray, and now, every hot chick is out to hit on him. Kira now has some competition this time around.
Eros was a clever one, and remained well hidden above the ceiling tile, crouched on the wooden deck, with only a tiny hole exposing out to the room below.
Mist Elmbarn: Oh man! Now I am convinced that Eros is really Edward Cullen cosplaying as a Greek God all along!
Harut, Marut: HA! WE KNEW IT! WE KNEW IT ALL ALONG!
The space was small, and he was hunkered in almost a fetal position, with his tiny bow and arrow drawn and ready. These were arrows made from the fabric pure love itself, and whoever's skin those arrows pierced would fall madly and fiercely head over heels with the first person they would look upon next.
Marut: Because nothing says “I love you”, like being mind raped into falling in love with the first person you see. No unfortunate implications here folks!
The unwitting victim would be completely unaware of what was happening, all they would feel is a tiny prick, like a mosquito bite, and there would be no trace of any thing else. He or she would only know an insatiable desire to be solely with the one they had cast their eyes upon.
Harut: I think Eros needs to watch the Hong Kong horror films, “Black Magic” and “Black Magic 2”.
Marut: At least those films showed love spells in a negative light. Especially the scene where someone was mind raped into having sex with a decaying zombie stripper.
Mist Elmbarn: Amen to Asian cult classic cinema! We wouldn't know what to do without those awesomely bizarre flicks from the Far East.
Just as Jen was wondering where Kira was, or how late she was going to be, she entered to communal room. “Hey Jen, sorry I'm late. As I told you last night, Eros invited me out dancing, and I awoke this morning with a bit of a headache. Probably all the dancing I did last night. I saw Allura at the club, and she talked me into a few drinks and you know the rest.”
Mist Elmbarn (as Kira): Oh, did you know Princess Allura is also my drug buddy as well. We hang out at the local crack houses on Saturday nights.
“Yes Kira, I know how much you love dancing,” Jen laughed. It was good to see her smiling this morning.
Lady Namaah (as Jen): I especially love it when you give out lap dances Kira.
“How is urSol?” She asked, trying to make conversion. “Have he shown you any more of his songs that he has written?”
Harut(as Jen): Hell, UrSol has created some new Vocaloids this time! Isn't that neat Kira.
Mist Elmbarn (as Kira): Oh my! I love me some kawaii desu ne Vocaloids! Tee hee hee!
“A few here and there. They're pretty good.
Marut (as Jen): Hell, they are pure instruments that sound like human voices! Isn't that sugoii? I'm so not a weeaboo at all. No way Jose!
Listen, Kira I was wondering if you wanted to go to that little restaurant on the bay called Tambourines. I hear the crab legs are excellent.”
“That sounds nice, Jen.”
Mist Elmbarn (as Kira): Can we smoke some pot before going out to eat? I need to get the munchies in order to eat.
As this conversion was taking place, Eros aimed his bow and arrow straight right upon Kira. The two gelflings were the only ones in the room, making the scenario absolutely flawless. There was no way this could go wrong. Just a couple of more seconds passed, as he perfected his angle, directly positioning his arrow's aim against Kira's upper body. Eros then let go of the string. It was a direct hit.
Mist Elmbarn (as Kira): Ungh! Damn those invisible pixies trying to poke me. GAAAAAH!
Kira smacked her neck abruptly. Wow, must have been some sort of bug, she thought to herself. This world could be full of all sorts of crazy things. With her eyes pointed towards the floor, in her heart she felt a slight flutter, almost a feeling of pleasured euphoria.
Mist (as Kira): Oh my my! My panties are all wet! I need a change of panties soon!
Harut: Well, at least it was Kira having her panties wet, and not that hag Aughra.
Marut: NSFW pics.... Of Mother Aughra!? GAAAAAH! KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Just as she was pondering this strange and alien feeling, the door swung open. SkekNa entered the room, looking for his notebook. The female gelfling turned her head, and looked straight at him.
Harut: And this was a match made in Stockholm Syndrome hell.
Marut: And this is why love spells and potions do more harm than good folks. Let this be a lesson to you all.
Eros's heart sank. How could he have failed his friend like this? It was quite possible this was the worst thing that could happen. Not only did she not look at Jen when the moment came, instead it was her worst enemy. There was no going back, no reversals.
Mist Elmbarn: But it made for a lot of fanfic fetish fuel, for weeaboo fangirls who thought Diabolik Lovers wasn't sexy nor sadistic enough for them.
The only thing else left to decide was what to do next. Should he leave Kira alone in her misery, or make the misery mutual? Whatever the case, he had to think quickly. He may not be able to get SkekNa and Kira in the same room again, considering their cirumstances.
Marut (as Eros): Magical love arrows? What was I thinking for all these centuries?
Thinking on his feet, Eros decided whatever the decision, it couldn't get any worse than this. If this were the route he was about to take, he had to act now, and at least Kira would not be alone in her agony. He drew his bow and arrow once more. He positioned his aim on SkekNa, still looking for his notebook. He was conveniently facing towards Kira, who was trying to make sense of what just happened.
“So you may not be alone in your torment,” the god of love whispered silently to himself.
Harut (as Eros): And now, some more Twilight formula fanfic fuel, for all those fangirls out there!
Marut, Mist Elmbarn: (Making gagging noises over those type of fanfics being mentioned.)
He let go of the cord on his bow. It was a direct hit. SkekNa stumbled forward, wondering what had bit him. Experiencing the same bewildered feeling of elation, he raised his eyes to meet Kira�s dazed stare.
Marut (as SkekNa): Mmmmm Yum! Panty shots!
Mist Elmbarn: Imagine if Kira was replaced with Asuka Kazama. There, Asuka will go all tsundere on SkekNa's ass, for getting a glimpse of her panties.
Harut (breaking the fourth wall): Dear fanfic writers reading this, write some crossovers of the Tekken series and The Dark Crystal. I bet it would be a better story than House on the River. At least everyone will be in character, and not have their identities stripped away. (Hint hint fanfic writers out there) (winks and gives a thumbs up).
Eros hung his head low, his eyes close to tears, which were full of shame and regret. It was not even a small comfort he gotten the second part right.
Harut: And sadly, there are fourteen more chapters to go! Hang in there everyone!
Marut, Harut, Mist Elmbarn: (Making sobbing noises while hugging onto each other for comfort.)