Chapter Text
Behind the Curtain
Mel frowns at the patient record before her, feeling it skew her face and maybe her glasses. She can’t sort out the symptoms she’s seeing, and digs deeper.
“Doctor King. I might need your help figuring out a difficult patient. He says he has sensory issues about being touched, but we need to do a physical exam and palpate the abdomen as well as a fracture.” Frank Langdon sighs, bewildered by the things some people can’t set aside.
Mel knows he doesn’t want to be insensitive. He’s trying his best to adjust his bedside manner and be more sympathetic. She also knows it’s been a long day and this complicates his workload.
“Sure!” She bounces up, always happy to work with him.
Frank has been in good spirits for a while. After Abby started spending more time with him, he has been doing better. Being sober has made him less jaded.
While they work, he’s instructing calmly to Ogilvie. Mel assists, listening to his direction and how it has changed. He’s still just a smidge cocky, proud of every piece of information he can offer. She smirks a little when he debates with Ogilvie.
The fact that he is the first person who ever made her feel seen is not a problem. She swears it, every day before she walks in through the doors. Whatever her feelings are could be perfectly platonic, she calls platonic crushes ‘squishes’. They happen all the time.
For someone awkward, weird, and a little intense, she has had these ‘squishes’ any time someone makes her feel accepted. The desire to be friends and to have the connection she sees in everyone else, forming just like a crush. She just wants to be someone’s person.
At work, she is.
Langdon has similar interests, so she doesn’t feel like she needs to shrink when she talks about them. It’s the first time nobody shamed her for being overly emotional, sensitive, or too much.
So she’s really happy he’s doing better. It means he is back at work, he’s gaining people’s approval again, and he kept his kids. They’re so little, Mel loves seeing photos of them together. Sometimes they’re at the park, or the beach, or in a fort.
Langdon never stopped talking about his kids, probably half the reason he talked about Abby. Any time anyone asked about her, he answered the same.
“I’m so grateful for her. She got me through my worst, and I’ll love her forever.” He says some form of that, several times a week.
And Mel is happy to hear it. She just wonders when she will find someone to do the same.
When she was a teen, she thought it might be after her high school awkward phase. In college, when she was a little bit too weird and quiet, she was sure it would happen in med school. Then, between funerals and Becca and work hours, she hadn’t even made friendships she’d yearned for. Let alone gone on dates.
Now, the only person that seems to really care what makes her tick is Langdon. And he’s married, with two kids. Even just as a friend, it’s pretty limited to work hours.
He’s just busy. Especially now that every single minute he can spend with his kids, he cherishes. Plus a dog a wasn’t supposed to have, who also needs attention.
When they take five at the ambulance bay, Langdon asks her about her Renaissance persona. She is elated that anyone cares, she’s never got to tell anyone but Becca about the way she dresses or the name she chose. Even then, Becca had been a bit puzzled.
“So, you could choose to be anyone, but you chose to be a Maiden? Why not royalty or part of the Court?” Frank genuinely seems interested, and she loves that feeling. Like he won’t disappear half way through her answer or talk over her or pull out his phone.
She launches into the hundreds of quizzes she did online, and real castles she hopes to see one day. Her favourite is Caerlaverock in Scotland, with a small moat. She wanted to be a different persona, but she was too shy to bring too much attention or seem high on herself.
For a while, they muse over what Frank would be. He had interest in going, though now he would also have to wrangle his kids and find something for Abby. Mel is perfectly happy to help him create his own backdrop just to be easier.
Frank looks at her like she holds all the answers to the universe. He can’t imagine how he looks at Abby or his kids. They’re truly the centre of his world; all he talks about when the day goes fast and he can see them or when he works a double and worries he won’t.
“The best part is that they’re just at this really great age where they sleep all night, they have huge personalities, and they still wanna cuddle when we watch TV. I can’t imagine how much Penny would like your dress or your hair at that kinda thing. Tanner would kill for a giant turkey leg, or— oh, man, he would love to juggle.”
Mel giggles at the picture he paints.
“Abby would be so beautiful in a gown. Hell, one time she shaved her head for our friend with cancer. Made her a wig with it, because our friend said she loved her hair. And she was the most beautiful bald woman I have ever seen.”
Mel is petrified at the idea of what she might look like bald. She doesn’t have an astounding ‘face card’, at least not that she has been told. Makeup and skincare and threaded brows or contour weren’t really her forte.
“Becca sometimes likes to go. She likes the horses.” Mel smiles fondly thinking of her sister.
Frank sighs, knowing they have to go back. But their pieces of the day spent together, just talking about life and dreams, is the best. She feels better than any lava lamp could do.
—
It’s like that every day. Momentary reprieves where they chat and Mel feels human and normal and maybe even appreciated. She fosters the ‘squish’ carefully, ensuring she never thinks about him physically or ever deigns to flirt. Not that she knows how.
She doesn’t ever let it grow. Even if Frank were the most single man in the world, she wouldn’t be in his sight line.
Even after rehab and having everything in common, he wouldn’t ever be interested. Sometimes Yolanda or Princess will talk about someone and describe them as pretty or gorgeous, and she wonders if anyone had ever described her that way.
If she were needed, would anyone describe her as blonde and pretty? If a guy were telling his friends about her, would they say she was attractive? Or that she ‘was really sweet’? (which would Frank say?)
But it doesn’t matter. If she starts to care, she will start comparing. Abby is always described as a model and a beauty. Everyone tells Frank he’s lucky as hell to have her, especially since they met when he was awkward and gangly. And he is clearly happy, so he is lucky.
Frank is her friend. So she’s happy for him.
Dana is watching him with a smirk one morning before rounds. Frank is buzzing, but hasn’t said why as far as Mel can tell.
“Ya gonna share with the class? Or ya gonna wait for Trinity to report you for manic behaviour?” Dana nudges him when she sees Robby just about to head over.
“Mel!” He excitedly greets her as she steps near. “Mel, I have the best news. I got home yesterday and Abby was asleep. Went to Penny’s room, to give her a kiss goodnight, and she said something about a baby sister. Anyway,” he waves off his own story, “Abby’s pregnant. I’m gonna have a new kid just after I finish residency.”
A third kid.
A whole new life, a new person. Frank will be over the moon, his family complete and perfect. He will leave the ED, and maybe be too busy to ever see Mel again.
This happens. Usually after she thinks she finally made a friend or found belonging. But the heartbreak of knowing every memory she made or secret confided is just a lost token of her own affection in someone else’s abyss, never softens.
“Frank, that’s amazing!” She plasters the biggest smile on her face, bouncing just the way she does when she’s excited. Because she’s elated for him.
But inside, she’s crumbling.
Frank is finally getting the happy ending and everything he deserved. After knowing how close he came to losing it all, she’s so glad he has reached the pinnacle of his dreams. But she’s scared she’ll be alone, after.
“Thanks, Mel. I can’t wait to show you my new kid in a few months. I can’t wait.”