Chapter Text
Darn it, let’s do this one final time!
My name is dr. Ryland Grace. I was bitten by a radioactive spider. And no, it wasn’t by chance! It was because my boss thought that the power was better off in my clumsy hands than falling into the hands of some gosh-darn villain! (Yes, I’m still salty about it! Wouldn’t you be!?)
Anyways, for about 58 million seconds, I’ve been San Francisco’s one and only Spider-Man. Or, well, Star-Spider! Because apparently the name Astro-arachnid sounds pretentious!
Before all the fudging superhero stuff started happening, I was just a middle school teacher. Life was good!
But then I was offered an extra job, working for the government, and that job turned into the whole getting-bitten-by-the spider thing. (Kids, if you’re ever offered a job by a secret government service… run! Run in the opposite direction, as fast as you can and apply for the first McDonalds opening if you really need the money, trust me, you’ll do better!
I didn’t even need the money! I just got waaay too intrigued by the science of it all and, bam! Next thing I knew, I was the test subject!
You probably know the rest!
I managed not to die the first time I saved someone! And then I did the not-dying thing again, and again, and again!
I almost ruined the friendship with my best friend/weird neighbour Rocky, but it worked out and he’s now my guy in a chair! We saved the city! Heck, I managed to befriend the dude I saved the city from, kind of, he wasn’t the problem, the evil company-slash-cult who forced him to work for him was!
We saved the city some more.
Then I got wrapped up into some poopy situation my twin brother–who I thought was dead by the way(!)--got himself into! Really, his stunt-double butt would be much better for this hero work, because it really gets tiring after a while!
Try saving the city all the time (because apparently our cops aren’t just corrupt, they are also useless, yes I said what I said, not my most controversial statement after all!) while also trying to convince preteens that science is cool, grade their tests, and convince parents that yes, their 12-year-old sons can learn about periods without their head exploding! No, I don’t get enough sleep, thanks for asking, do you maybe have some coffee?
Really, I’m a much better teacher than I am a hero! It’s a hard balance to achieve, but, hey they are the ones I do this all for. My kids. Once I didn't do what I should've. And one of them got hurt. Bad. And I can’t have let that happen again.
So no matter how many times I slam myself into a building, or trip on my own shoelaces (how hard is it to remember to double-knot them, Ryland!), or get punted in the face by a mallet, or blasted with hot vapors, or make an utter gosh-darn fool of myself, I have to keep going. Because those kids deserve a safe-ish city to live in.
If I’m frank, I’m not the biggest fan of this new life of mine, but hey, it’s been worse! I made up with my brother, got to be the best man on his wedding, didn’t even drop the rings(!), got a few cool, if weird, new friends, got some fanart from my own students, which is so cool even if they have no idea that Star-spider is their goofy, silly, clumsy teacher, life was pretty good!
Then something weird happened. And, I mean, trust me, I know weird! I can handle weird! Like weird-weird. I had my world turned upside down in literal and metaphorical way so many times I kind of just stopped counting. I thought I already saw the weirdest our universe had to offer. I believed I was the only Spiderman.
But, apparently, my life just loves proving me wrong!
Notes:
I know this is longer than usual spider-people introductions but, hey, Grace is a talker!