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Samira knew she was being ridiculous. She was a grown woman, yet here she was hiding in a random supply closet like a child playing hide-and-seek.
In a way, she was, except she was hoping she would never be found.
She had barely been an hour into her shift before she spotted the new attending, Baran Al-Hashimi.
Also known as the best sex of her life.
A few years ago, when Samira was working at the VA, she had met Baran. She was older, her superior, and completely off-limits. The attraction between them had been instant and intense. Baran had constantly reminded her that they couldn’t do this, that Samira was young, her career was just beginning, and she wasn’t willing to risk it.
Samira rarely begged for anything.
But she had begged for Baran.
She told her she could handle it. That she was good at keeping secrets. That no amount of blurred lines would ever affect her work ethic.
And it was true.
On Samira’s last day at the VA, Baran had invited her to her apartment. She cooked dinner for her, told her how beautiful she looked, and spent the evening making Samira feel like the only person in the world that mattered; it was good sex, insanely good. Usually, with the sex she had gotten before, she had to fake her pleasure just to get it over with, but not with Baran.
It was unforgettable.
Baran had taken care of her afterward, too, cleaning her up and telling her how good she was. How being with her had made her feel more alive than she had in years. How she couldn’t wait to see her again.
And Baran did wait, for years, actually.
Because Samira never called, never saw her again.
Until now.
Samira nearly jumped out of her skin when the storage closet door swung open.
Standing in the doorway was Victoria, staring at her with a mixture of curiosity and mild judgment.
“Doctor Mohan?” Victoria asked. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Victoria. What do you want?” Samira said, immediately straightening her posture as though hiding in a supply closet was the most normal thing in the world, and Victoria was the strange one for questioning it.
“Oh, it’s just…” Victoria glanced around the tiny room. “Doctor McKay sent me to get gauze, and, well, you’re just standing in here.”
Samira raised an eyebrow.
“Doing nothing,” Victoria finished.
Ignoring that entirely, Samira turned toward the shelves, grabbed a package of gauze, and handed it over.
“There you go.”
Victoria accepted it but made no move to leave.
Samira resisted the urge to sigh. “Oh,” she said casually, “we must’ve been looking for the same thing. I was here for gauze, too.”
“Right…” Victoria said, drawing the word out just enough to make it clear she didn’t believe her for a second.
“I’m sure Doctor McKay would appreciate your assistance.”
Victoria nodded and quietly stepped out of the closet, though not before casting Samira one last suspicious look.
Great.
Samira knew she couldn’t hide in a supply closet all day. Eventually, she’d have to work.
More importantly, she’d have to face Baran.
Just her luck. Years of emotional unavailability had led her straight to this moment, and now it was coming back to bite her in the ass.
She hadn’t needed to ghost Baran.
The truth was, she had really liked her. Maybe more than she’d ever liked anyone. But liking Baran came with expectations, vulnerability, and all the messy things that happened after. Samira hadn’t known how to handle any of it.
So she’d run.
And now Baran is here.
Taking a deep breath, Samira forced herself back to work. She was a senior resident, after all. People actually needed her.
Across the room, Trinity caught sight of her emerging from the supply closet and raised an eyebrow.
Samira ignored it.
She headed straight for the nurses’ station, where Mel was practically vibrating with excitement.
“Did you see that Doctor Al-Hashimi is the new attending Robby was talking about?” Mel asked.
“Oh?” Samira replied, summoning the best poker face she could manage. “Really? No, I wasn’t aware. I haven’t seen her. So, what do we have here?” Samira switched the conversation fast; she just needed to jump into work.
Mel immediately launched into the case details.
The patient was an elderly man who had tumbled down a flight of stairs and was now awaiting X-rays to determine whether he'd escaped with a few bruises or something far worse.
Before they could even make it into the room, Samira heard a voice call from behind her.
That sweetly addictive voice.
You’re such a good girl. You’re so good for me, Mira.
The memory hit her so hard she nearly stopped walking. Samira felt a wave of dizziness as she turned around, forcing a small smile.
Baran stood there beside Robby, looking entirely too composed for someone who had just turned Samira’s day into a living nightmare.
“You haven’t been avoiding me, have you?” Al-Hashimi asked, a soft smile tugging at her lips.
Before Samira could answer, Robby scoffed.
“I’m sure she wasn’t. She’s probably been too busy helping patients who don’t need help.”
Samira smiled politely. She was used to Robby’s comments by now. Fed up with them, certainly, but used to them.
Thankfully, Mel jumped in before she had to respond.
“Oh my God, it’s so exciting to see you, Doctor Al-Hashimi!” Mel beamed.
Baran’s attention shifted to her immediately.
“You too, Mel. You’re an R3 now, right?” Mel had also worked with Samira and Baran during their time at the VA.
“Yep!”
“And Doctor Mohan, you’re the senior resident now, correct?” Baran looked back at Samira.
The question was innocent enough, but Samira still felt her stomach twist.
She nodded. “That’s right.”
Baran had every ounce of power necessary to make her life miserable if she wanted to. Rationally, Samira doubted that was the plan. But rational thinking had abandoned her the second she’d seen Baran walk through those hospital doors.
“Doctor Robby,” Al-Hashimi said, turning slightly. “Why don’t you and Mel take care of our patient? I’d like to discuss another case with Doctor Mohan.”
Discussing a case didn’t seem all that bad, but Samira wouldn’t mind sudden death coming for her right about now.
Robby’s eyes narrowed as he looked between the three of them.
For a moment, Samira thought he might argue.
Instead, he sighed. “Fine.”
Mel looked disappointed to miss whatever was happening, but followed him into the patient’s room anyway.
And just like that, Samira was left standing alone with her, exactly where she did not want to be.
Al-Hashimi gave her a look that clearly expected her to follow. And, to Samira’s annoyance, she did without question.
As they walked away, she caught Trinity watching from across the department. Victoria wasn’t much better, staring openly between the two of them with narrowed eyes.
Did those two ever actually work?
Al-Hashimi led her down a quieter hallway just outside triage, far enough away from the nurses’ station to avoid curious ears.
Samira got along with most of her coworkers, but gossip and being nosy seemed like a requirement to work in the ED. You’d think with how fast-paced everything is, they wouldn’t have the time, but they do.
“Doctor Al-Hashimi,” Samira began, folding her arms across her chest. “Before you say anything, I’d like to start by saying it wasn’t my intention to avoid you.”
Al-Hashimi's eyebrow lifted. “When? Now or three years ago?”
Samira winced, not expecting her to be so straightforward.
“I…” Samira swallowed. “I don’t know what to say.”
To her surprise, Baran waved her off.
"You don't have to say anything," Al-Hashimi said gently. "As your new attending, I'd rather we start fresh. Leave everything that happened before where it belongs—in the past."
Samira stared at her for a moment, unsure what to say. She hadn't expected it to be that easy.
Just forget it?
Forget the night that had been living rent-free in her head for three years?
Samira hadn't been with many people after Baran, but when she had, it was never really them she was thinking about. Every touch, every kiss, every attempt to move on inevitably led her back to Baran.’
And yet, Samira couldn't say any of that.
She wasn't the victim in this story.
Baran was.
Samira had forfeited the right to make this about her a long time ago.
“Will that be a problem, Doctor Mohan?” Al-Hashimi asked, tilting her head slightly. “If it is, I’d rather discuss it now. These things are always easier when addressed immediately.”
Samira’s stomach twisted. “Uh, no. No, it won’t be a problem.” Her answer came out unsure and awkward, something she was sure she noticed.
The guilt she’d been carrying for years suddenly felt ten times heavier. “Do you want me to explain?” she asked quietly.
“Not necessary.”
“But—”
“Samira.”
The use of her first name stopped her cold; Baran’s voice wasn’t angry. It was gentle.
“I said it’s not necessary.”
Samira looked away.
There was nothing left to argue. She had made her choice three years ago.
Now she had to live with it.
“Come with me,” Al-Hashimi said. “The department needs us; let’s get back to work, shall we?”
Without waiting for an answer, she turned and headed back toward the ED.
Samira stared after her for a second before quickly falling into step beside her.
It was absurd, really.
Five minutes ago, she’d been hiding in a supply closet to avoid this woman, and now she was following her around the department as she’d never spent three years pretending she didn’t leave her.
Still, she couldn’t bring herself to argue.
So she followed.
For most of the shift, Samira was paired with Mel, moving from case to case with barely a moment to breathe.
The only time she found herself in a room with Baran afterward, Baran hardly looked at her.
Samira tried to tell herself that it was a good thing, that she was being a professional, just doing her job.
Exactly what she should want. Instead, it made her feel sick; she wanted to scream.
Look at me. Acknowledge me. Say something, anything.
There had once been a time when she could do something as simple as answer a question correctly, and Baran would shower her with praise. Back then, smiling at her, touching her.
Now, Baran barely held eye contact, and the distance between them felt huge; she couldn’t believe this.
Everything about this situation was unreal, like this would only happen to her because the universe had it out against her.
What were the odds that the woman she’d spent one unforgettable night with—the woman she’d ghosted without explanation—would suddenly walk back into her life as her new attending?
The universe had to be messing with her. What else could be the explanation?
Maybe this was them trying to give her a second chance, but even that felt scarier than the alternative.
She wanted to explain herself, not because she thought it would fix anything, but because Baran deserved the truth.
She wanted to tell her where her head had been back then. How terrified she’d been by the intensity of her feelings. How she hadn’t been ready for anything serious and had panicked the second she realized just how much she enjoyed being around her.
Because it hadn’t just been about that night.
That was the problem.
If it had only been about the night, walking away would’ve been easy.
Instead, Samira had found herself wanting more, and that had scared her enough to run.
Ghosting Baran was still one of the dumbest things she’d ever done.
Maybe the dumbest.
But as she watched her move through the department, calm and confident as ever, Samira couldn’t shake the feeling that this was her chance to make things right.
Maybe Baran wouldn’t forgive her. Honestly, she probably shouldn’t.
But Samira still wanted to say it.
To apologize, to tell her that the night they spent together had meant something.
That she had meant something.
And hopefully, Baran would say the same, not that she deserved the reassurance, but because she needed it.
Samira was sitting in the locker room after changing out of her scrubs and into her post-shift clothes when Trinity came sliding into the spot next to her.
“You want to tell me what’s been going on in that mind of yours?”
Samira hadn’t even noticed her leg was bouncing up and down, a nervous tick she was barely aware of.
“It’s been a long shift. A lot has happened. That’s what’s on my mind.”
“Okay. Sure. But you’ve been on edge since this morning, completely unlike yourself.”
“You know, if you spent more time worrying about your patients than you do your residents, you’d be one of the best doctors here.”
“I thought I was?” Trinity faked offense.
“You keep telling yourself that.”
Through the window, Samira caught a glimpse of Baran having a conversation with Victoria. She looked stunning in her out-of-work clothes, almost like she had plans afterward.
Fuck. Did she?
Trinity noticed her staring. Of course she did. Samira wasn’t exactly being subtle.
“Oh. You got a crush, Doctor, Mohan?”
Samira whipped her head toward Trinity. “No! Don’t say that. I’m not you.”
“You’re not me? Okay, I know I should find that rude, but you’re so easily flustered it’s adoable.”
“Trinity, you can’t just… You can’t say things like that about our attending.”
Trinity nodded. “Sure. But do you? It’s okay if you do. I can keep a secret.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“No, seriously. I’m still keeping Victoria’s massive hard-on for Doctor McKay a secret.”
Samira just stared at her for a few seconds, letting Trinity figure out what she’d just done.
“Fuck. Okay, forget what I just said. She’ll kill me.”
Samira smiled. “It’s not really a secret when half the ED knows, but fine, I won’t say anything.”
“You can confide in me, babe. I promise.”
Samira shifted in her seat, not really knowing why she wanted to confess it all to someone. Maybe it would make everything easier.
“You can’t say anything. I mean it. I could lose my job. We both could.”
Samira’s eyes landed on Baran, who was still talking to Victoria.
“I promise.”
“Okay. A few years ago, Al-Hashimi and I kind of slept together back when we worked at the VA. But it freaked me out—how much I liked her. After I left, she expected me to call. I said I would, and I never actually did.”
Admitting it all to someone else made it feel easier, like this was exactly what she needed to do.
Trinity listened closely, not saying a word, which Samira knew was difficult for her.
“Holy fuck. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t that.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. And now she’s here as my fucking attending, and I feel like the biggest asshole in the entire world. I probably am.”
“Okay, you aren’t the first person to ghost someone, and you won’t be the last. But you should talk to her. Communication is important.”
“Yeah? And you take your own advice?”
“This isn’t about me, and Garcia isn’t my superior, so my career isn’t riding on any of it. You, on the other hand, should talk to her.”
“I know. I know I should. I just can’t stomach her hating me. I’d rather rip out my own heart than let her do it.”
“Jesus, Mohan. This is a lot more than a one-night stand, isn’t it?”
Isn’t it?
Fuck.
“I don’t know. I mean, it’s been so long. I still can’t be hung up on her. And if I were, she definitely wouldn’t be hung up on me.”
“Have you asked her? I mean, you don’t know that. You are quite impressive.”
“Haven’t said much to her. She pulled me aside to tell me to forget it, and I agreed. That’s all.”
“A conversation is definitely needed. At least for closure, you know? Clearly, it’s not closed.”
Trinity was right.
Samira hated that she was.
“…Was it good?”
“Trinity!”
“What?”
“Mind-blowing.”
Samira ignored the growing smirk on Trinity’s face.
Samira paced back and forth like a madwoman, checking the hospital entrance every few seconds as she waited for Baran to finally emerge and head toward the parking lot.
The longer she waited, the more she questioned whether this was a terrible idea.
Maybe she should just go home; she should let it go.
But then she heard the automatic doors slide open; Samira immediately straightened.
Baran stepped outside, her bag slung over one shoulder. She looked exhausted after a long shift, but somehow still impossibly put together.
The moment she spotted Samira, she slowed to a stop.
Surprise flashed across her face. “Doctor. Mohan,” she said, brows furrowing slightly. “Is everything alright? You’re still here.”
Samira looked down at her shoes for a moment before letting out a nervous laugh.
“I hate it when you call me that,” she admitted softly. “It’s just us. You don’t need to be so formal.”
Something unreadable crossed Baran’s face.
Her eyes flickered toward the hospital entrance before scanning the parking lot. Seeing no one nearby, she took a few steps closer.
Not close enough to touch, close enough that Samira could smell her perfume.
“I think it’s better this way, don’t you?” Baran asked quietly.
Samira immediately shook her head. “No. Actually, I don’t.”
Baran sighed. “Doctor. Mohan…”
“No.”
The response came out sharper than intended.
Samira rubbed a hand over her face. “See? That’s exactly what I mean.”
Baran remained silent.
“I need to talk to you,” Samira continued. “Like, actually talk to you.”
For a moment, Baran didn’t respond. She looked as if she was studying her instead.
Samira hated that she couldn’t tell what she was thinking.
Finally, Baran took a slow breath. Samira could practically see her weighing every possible option.
Then she nodded once.
“Okay.”
Relief hit Samira so quickly she nearly stumbled.
“But not here,” Baran added. “Do you have a car we can sit in?”
Samira nodded immediately. “Yeah.”
Neither of them spoke as they crossed the parking lot.
Samira unlocked her car and climbed into the driver’s seat while Baran settled into the passenger side. Suddenly, the car felt much too small, more suffocating as the silence stretched.
Samira gripped the steering wheel; Baran folded her hands in her lap.
Neither seemed willing to go first.
Eventually, Baran turned slightly toward her.
“Samira,” she said gently, “what would you like to talk about?”
Samira laughed once. It came out shaky. “Us.”
Baran’s expression tightened almost imperceptibly.
“Us?”
“Everything.”
Samira finally looked at her. “That entire night.”
Baran looked away first; a muscle in her jaw tightened.“What happened to forgetting?” she asked quietly.
Samira swallowed. “I can’t forget.”
Baran didn’t say anything.
“...I know you can’t either.”
Baran looked genuinely affected. “Samira…”
The way she said her name made Samira’s chest ache.
“I never wanted to hurt you.” The confession slipped out before she could stop it.
Baran stared at her. The silence that followed felt life-ending to Samira. She just wanted to shake Baran and have all her thoughts fall out.
“I waited, you know,” Baran said quietly. “I thought maybe something happened to your phone. Or you. I don’t know, maybe you died.”
Samira let out a nervous laugh, trying to break the tension.
Baran remained perfectly still.
“You had me worried about you. Then a week later, my friend tells me she saw you at a bar with a group of friends celebrating something.”
“I know.” Samira looked down at her hands. “I was a fucking idiot. All of it was just so much.”
“I told you we didn’t have to. I told you we shouldn’t, and you told me it’s what you wanted. That I was what you wanted.”
“I wasn’t lying.”
“But you weren’t telling the truth either, Samira.” Baran’s voice softened. “I understand that we moved too fast. I shouldn’t have… we shouldn’t have made love so quickly.”
Made love.
How romantic.
“That wasn’t the problem, Baran. I don’t regret any of that. I can tell you that honestly. I don’t.”
The older woman looked away for a moment. “What was I supposed to think?” she asked. “I thought I did something wrong for months. I hated myself, Samira. I thought I hurt you.”
Tears immediately pricked at Samira’s eyes.
She shook her head so hard it hurt. “You didn’t hurt me. You’ve never hurt me. I’ve only ever felt good around you, and that’s… that’s the problem.”
Baran frowned. “What do you mean?”
Samira laughed bitterly through her tears. “I’ve never felt that much about a person before. Then I met you, and suddenly I was willing to risk everything. My entire career, just so I could be with you.”
Her voice cracked as she continued. “I got scared. I was so fucking scared of how much I felt when I was with you.”
A tear slipped down her cheek. “So I ran.”
Baran stayed quiet, taking in everything Samira had dumped at her feet.
The confession, knowing that it wasn’t something she had done to make Samira run, that it wasn’t on her.
Finally, after processing it all, she said, “You could’ve just told me.”
Samira looked up; Baran’s eyes were shining now, too.
“I know all about feeling too much,” she whispered. “I could’ve helped you, baby. You didn’t need to run from me.”
The endearment nearly broke her. “I’m sorry,” Samira choked out. “I’m so sorry. I’ve regretted it for so long. Thinking about what could’ve been. Thinking about everything I missed out on.”
Now she was fully crying.
Baran immediately reached for her, gently cupping her face in both hands.
“Hey, hey.” Her thumbs brushed away Samira’s tears. “Oh, baby, don’t cry.”
More tears slipped free. “I hate seeing you like this.”
“I’ve missed you so much,” Samira admitted through broken sobs. “I feel like this was a sign that you belong in my life, you know?”
Baran’s own tears finally spilled over, and a watery smile spread across her face.
“Yeah?” she asked softly. “You think so?”
Samira nodded.
“You want me back in your life, baby?”
Again, Samira nodded.
“I know I don’t deserve you,” she whispered.
Baran immediately shook her head. “Don’t say that.” Her voice was firm.
“You deserve everything and more, Mira.”
Samira let out a shaky breath, finally feeling like she could breathe.
And before she could say anything else, Baran leaned forward and pressed her lips to hers.
It was so soft, sickly sweet. It didn’t feel as desperate as she was feeling; it felt like the most natural thing ever.
It felt like an expression of forgiveness.
Samira kissed her back immediately, tears still drying on her cheeks as she held onto the moment she’d spent years convincing herself she’d lost forever.
Baran deepened the kiss, her hands settling on Samira’s waist.
God, Samira had missed this.
That addictive feeling she’d only ever experienced once before, and only with Baran.
Samira pulled back first, breathless.
“You don’t have to forgive me,” she said softly. “I get it. You don’t need to feel like you have to do this for me.”
Baran didn’t dignify that with a response. Instead, she leaned in and kissed her again just as fiercely.
“For such a smart girl, you say ridiculous things; you know that?” Baran murmured between kisses.
Samira couldn’t help but giggle.
“No,” she teased, leaning closer. “I’m just saying–”
Baran rolled her eyes affectionately before kissing her again.
The moment quickly grew more heated, both of them forgetting where they were.
Forgetting that they were sitting in a parking lot that anyone could walk by.
A sudden noise nearby snapped them back to reality.
Samira immediately pulled away. “Fuck. I’m sorry.”
To her surprise, Baran laughed. “It’s okay,” she said, still smiling. “Probably isn’t the best place to make out.”
“No, definitely not.”
For a moment, neither of them spoke.
Then, before she could lose her nerve, Samira cleared her throat.
“Do you want to come back to my apartment?” she asked. “Talk some more?”
Baran looked at her for a long moment. “Sure,” she said finally, her smile softening. “I’d love to.”
Talking really was the plan.
It was.
But as Samira started the car, she couldn’t deny that she was looking forward to something more happening between them, and if it did, she wouldn’t run away this time; she wouldn’t.
And judging by the smile Baran was trying—and failing—to hide, she had a feeling the feeling was mutual.
Once they got to Samira’s apartment, she immediately apologized for the mess, blaming it on her lack of free time to get anything done.
Baran glanced around the apartment before smiling. “I’ve seen resident apartments before. Trust me, this isn’t bad.”
Samira laughed nervously. “You can sit on the couch. I need to feed my cat. I’ll be right back.”
“Take your time.”
Baran slipped off her coat and draped it over the arm of the couch before settling into the cushions. As Samira turned toward the kitchen, she caught sight of the tank top Baran was wearing underneath.
It revealed toned arms that Samira remembered far more vividly than she cared to admit.
For a second, she found herself staring.
Then Baran looked up.
Samira immediately looked away.
Jesus Christ, get it together.
Her cat meowed impatiently from the kitchen, thankfully pulling her attention elsewhere.
“Coming,” she called.
Behind her, she heard Baran laugh softly.
Whether it was at the cat or because she’d been caught staring, Samira wasn’t sure.
She’d rather actually not know.
After giving her cat a bowl of water and filling his food bowl, Samira quickly made her way to the bathroom, trying to freshen up after a long shift.
When she finally came back out, Baran was still sitting on the couch. A pair of reading glasses rested on her nose as she scrolled through her phone, only looking up when she heard Samira approaching.
“Oh, there you are,” Baran said, peering at her over the top of her glasses. “I thought you were hiding from me again.”
Samira rolled her eyes.
“I wasn’t hiding.”
“Mhm.”
Baran’s smile said she didn’t believe that for a second. “Don’t get all shy on me now,” she continued. “You wanted to talk, remember?”
Samira nodded and moved to sit beside her on the couch, close enough that their shoulders could brush if either of them shifted, but not so close that it felt on purpose.
At least, not obviously on purpose.
“You looked dressed up,” Samira said after a moment. “Did you have plans for tonight before I distracted you?”
Baran slipped off her glasses and set both them and her phone on the coffee table.
“Just drinks with a friend,” she said with a shrug. “It wasn’t anything important. I’d much rather be here with you.”
Samira felt her stomach do an embarrassing little flip.
“Yeah?” she asked. “You would?”
Baran nodded. “I would.”
A teasing smile tugged at her lips.
“Might be a little better if there was wine, but you can’t have everything.”
Samira laughed and immediately stood up. “I think I can solve that problem.”
Baran watched her disappear into the kitchen.
Samira wasn’t much of a drinker herself, but people were constantly giving her bottles of wine she never opened, leaving her with an entire collection she barely touched.
A minute later, she returned with two glasses.
Baran’s smile widened.
“Well, look at you.”
Samira handed her a glass before reclaiming her spot on the couch.
This time, she felt bold enough to sit a little closer. Baran definitely noticed, but she didn’t say anything or move away, making Samira feel in the clear.
“Aww,” Baran said, accepting the wine. “Thank you, pretty girl. You didn’t have to do that.”
Pretty girl.
It’s like she wanted her to throb; well, she was.
She’s been wet since the car.
“So, how would you say your first day went?” Samira asked, immediately hating herself for how boring the question sounded.
Of all the things she could’ve asked, that was what came out?
She took a sip of her wine, trying to look casual.
Baran smiled into her glass. “It was good. Busy.”
“That’s all I’ve got, huh? Good?”
Baran laughed. “You asked me how my day was.”
“Fair.”
The corner of Baran’s mouth twitched. “If it makes you feel any better, I can tell you’re struggling.”
Samira groaned and dropped her head back against the couch. “I’m not struggling.”
“You are, and it’s adorable.” Baran nudged her knee lightly with her own. “I like that, I like that I still make you nervous.”
“Well, you’re my superior, so I have to be nervous around you.”
“I’ve always been your superior; this time around, we’ve just seen each other unclothed.”
Samira almost choked on her wine. “Yeah- uhm. Probably makes it awkward, huh?”
“Mhm. Especially when I’m trying to work, and all I can think about is how you looked that night, falling apart completely in my hands.”
Samira slowly moved her glass from her face. “Oh.”
“You know,” Baran said, swirling the wine in her glass, “for someone who insisted we needed to talk, you’ve gotten awfully quiet.”
Samira let out a long breath. “I don’t really know how to do this.”
“Do what?”
“This.” She gestured vaguely between them. “I just keep thinking about how I don’t deserve to be around you.”
Baran’s expression immediately softened. “Oh, Mira.”
She set her wine glass down on the coffee table before turning toward her. “But you do, baby. Of course you do.”
Samira looked down at her hands. “I ghosted you.”
“Yes, you did.”
“I hurt you.”
“Yes, you did,” Baran repeated.
Baran reached over and gently nudged her shoulder. “But that’s not all you are.”
Samira finally looked up.
Baran’s gaze was steady. “I can let go of the past, Mira. I need you to do the same.”
A lump formed in Samira’s throat. “It’s not that easy.”
“I know.”
Baran’s voice was gentle. “I know because I’ve spent the last three years doing it.”
Samira’s chest tightened. “I don’t know how.”
“Then start by believing me when I tell you something.”
“What?”
Baran smiled softly. “I don’t hate you.”
“Fuck,” she whispered, letting out a shaky laugh. “Baran, if I could redo it all…”
Baran tilted her head. “What’s stopping you?”
Samira frowned. “What?”
A small smile tugged at Baran’s lips. “Come here,” she said, patting her lap.
Samira stared at her. “Baran.”
“What?”
“We’re having a serious conversation.”
“Samira,” Baran said, letting out a quiet laugh, “I’m tired of talking. That’s all we’ve been doing.”
Despite herself, Samira smiled. “That’s usually how conversations work.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I do.”
Baran raised an eyebrow. “Then stop arguing with me for five seconds.”
Samira rolled her eyes, but her heart was already betraying her. Despite herself, she shifted closer and carefully sat down on Baran’s lap.
“There,” she muttered. “Happy?”
“Better if you show me to your room”
Samira hesitated, fighting with herself because, on one hand, she wanted to talk through it all more; despite Baran’s constant reassurance, she still felt bad about everything, and on the other hand, she really wanted to see where this would go.
She knew where this would go. The thought of being with her again in that way outweighed the desire to talk.
She got up slowly, pulling up Baran by her hand and walking her down the hall to her bedroom. It was small and a little messy, like her entire place, but she’d hoped it wouldn’t matter.
If it did, she wouldn’t know because almost immediately, Baran pushed her up against the bedroom door as it closed behind them, catching Samira completely off guard. Seems like it’s been a while for her too.
Samira whimpers against her mouth, and Baran is there, swallowing that sound right into her mouth. She licks into Samira’s mouth, her tongue fighting for dominance to be let in, and Samira doesn’t hold off for long. Baran’s grip on her waist was maddening.
Baran moved her leg between Samira’s thighs, giving her something to grind down against as she continued her assault on her mouth. Samira was so sure her lips would be bruised by the morning, but she wanted that, wanted the reminder.
“Fuck—”
Baran started to kiss and lick down her neck and collarbone. Leaving red marks on her skin, she could feel the possessiveness radiating off of every moment Baran was making.
Samira kept grinding against her leg, whimpering every time Baran found a new place to put her mouth on. “God, please, I need—”
“Tell me what you need, baby, use your words.”
“Please fuck me.”
“Yeah? You don’t want to talk anymore?” Baran pulled herself off her. “I can feel it, Mira; your pants are still on, and I can feel you wetting my leg.”
“I’ve been like this since the car.” Samira stupidly admitted, brain foggy and out of service.
“Oh, I bet. You’ve just been working so hard, haven’t had the time to get laid? You need it, don’t you?”
“I could say the same thing about you.”
Baran chuckled. “Yeah, but who’s humping whose leg?”
Samira wanted to fight back, but before she could get the words out, Baran was pulling her over towards her bed. “Take off your shirt.”
Samira obeyed; the shirt was tossed to the side. She remembered from before that Baran liked to take off her bra and everything else. She gasped as the cold air hit her nipples, with Baran unclasping her bra, throwing it with her shirt.
“You’re so beautiful, so unreal, you have to know that.”
Baran helped Samira out of her jeans, leaving her just in her underwear. “Fuck you need this, don’t you? Need me to fuck you, dumb?”
Samira looks away, face turning red. “Please…”
Samira can feel Baran slip her hand under her panties and delights at the feeling of soft hair right above Samira’s pussy that already feels damp, and then feels the soft skin of her pussy lips against her fingers, so wet and so inviting.
She bites down on her lip, trying to keep the noise in.
Baran completely avoids her clit as she gets herself refamiliarized with Samira’s body, gets her fingers wet. She presses the tip of her middle finger against the tight entrance, getting a loud whine out of Samira as she jerks up.
Samira can hear her mumble something about how tight she was, improperly fucked. She doesn’t push in, just feeling the soft skin, wet with her slick.
“Don’t– be a tease– Baran.”
“You’re no fun,” Baran says. She curls her body around Samira’s, tipping Samira’s face towards her for a kiss. Samira sucks on her bottom lip hard, kissing harder than she’s ever kissed anyone before, and Baran moans.
Her hand slips down to Samira’s clit, rubbing gently. Samira pushes her hips closer to Baran’s hand, chasing more friction, tangles her fingers into Baran’s hair, and kisses her rough. She puts a hand up Baran’s shirt and runs it up to her breast, feeling the softness of them in her hand. She wanted more.
“Off.” Samira managed to say through quiet moans as Baran kept at her clit.
Baran pulled back with a laugh, reluctantly moving her hand away from Samira’s slick. “How demanding, I’ll be thinking about this next shift.”
During the heat of it all, Samira didn’t even think about going into work tomorrow after being fucked by her attending, would people notice? Would Baran be obvious? Would she? Baran must’ve noticed the look of worry cross her face because she quickly pulled off her shirt, unclasped her bra, and led Samira’s hands back on her breast.
“Don’t think, baby, you don’t need to right now.” Baran falls back into their early motion, kissing Samira a lot softer this time. Samira breaks off the kiss and bends her head to lick at one of Baran’s nipples carefully, then harder, swirling her tongue around it like a kid licking a lollipop. Baran’s heart is beating like crazy, and her hands find Samira’s clit again.
“I wanna go down on you,” Baran admitted as Samira kept switching from nipple to nipple. “Would you—fuck, like that?”
Samira pulled off with a pop a string of spit coming with it, nodding eagerly like she’s been offered gold.
Baran suddenly stops rubbing her clit, and Samira whines at the loss. “Scoot up,” Baran says, and something in her voice makes Samira feel lightheaded. She scoots towards the head of the bed, and Baran kneels in front of her, pushing her legs apart, pressing kisses to the inside of Samira’s thighs.
Samira giggles as she feels Baran’s breath on her clit, then gasps when Baran runs her tongue up from her butthole to her clit. Baran moans in pleasure and delves deeper, pressing her tongue flat against her clit, sliding two fingers into Samira, setting a steady pace, moving faster than she probably should, and Samira sees stars and lets out a loud moan, mentally or verbally telling Baran don’t stop, she can’t tell, she’s so close.
“Baran, oh god, Baran,” She screams, then “Fuck, right there, fuck,” and comes so hard she can feel herself clamp and clench down on Baran’s fingers. Baran doesn’t let up; she keeps going until Samira stops shuddering, then she pulls herself up, planting kisses on her stomach, her breast, her neck. By the time she gets to Samira’s mouth, Samira can mostly think coherently now.
Samira kisses her back, pulling her down on top of her. “I’ve missed you so fucking much.”
“Yeah? Want to show me?”
Samira nodded, helping Baran out of her jeans and underwear, throwing them with the rest of her clothes. When they first had sex, it was only Samira who technically got fucked, for the most part, that’s usually how it is with the people Samira has slept with, but she wanted nothing more than to give it a try.
She wanted to taste Baran, the idea of walking into work and no one knowing how Samira’s face was fully inside her attending’s pussy. The worries turned into a thrill. She wanted this.
No, she needed it.
“I’ve never—”
“I’ll be your first? That’s a delight, Samira, you've been good at everything that’s come your way, I can only assume the same would be for pussy eating.”
“I don’t know, I wouldn’t get your hopes up,”
Baran laughed, making Samira feel 100 percent more comfortable, even a little bit more confident. She settled herself between Baran’s legs, her glistening clit staring back at her.
She’s always been one to pick things up easily; it should be no problem. Baran looked down at her with lidded eyes, her hand resting in Samira’s hair. “You got this, Mira, make me feel good.”
God. She could spend the rest of her life doing exactly that.
Samira placed her hands on either side of Baran’s pussy, spreading the lips wide so she could look deeper at her. Baran was so wet, clearly neglecting her own needs for Samira’s, but she can’t have that. Samira thought as she dipped her head to lick up Baran’s pussy, it was hesitant and experimental, but once she heard Baran moan, she went about it more sure of herself.
She flattened her tongue and pressed it against Baran’s clit. Samira lapped at her clit, slowly taking her time as she watched the look on Baran’s face and the sounds that were escaping her lips.
HR would have a field day with both of them if they knew their attending was falling apart on their senior residents’ tongues.
“Fuck baby, you’re making me feel so good.” Baran met her gaze head-on, and despite her open mouth and light panting, she still looked in control. Samira hated it; she needed to be the one in control now.
Samira brought up her thumb to rub against Baran’s clit, licking around the digit to add another sensation running through Baran’s body. Baran was getting louder, Samira was getting more eager to make her cum, a dangerous combo. She continued licking for a couple of minutes before she slipped her first finger into Baran’s pussy easily and invited.
Baran was warm and wet around her finger as she slid all the way to the base of her finger. Samira thursted her finger a few times before adding a second one, setting a steady pace. Baran was so loud, louder than she anticipated, that her neighbours might actually file a complaint against her.
“Keep going– fuck, are you sure you’ve never done this before?” Samira could barely hear her over the wet, slick, obscene sounds that were coming from Baran’s pussy. Samira slipped Baran’s clit between her lips and let her fingers thrust in and out of Baran.
She could feel her clench down on her fingers; she was so close, she was going to make Baran cum. Baran panted heavily, and she reached to tangle her fingers into Samira’s hair. It felt good as she pulled on her hair, letting her know what a good girl she was.
Baran screamed as she came, her orgasms drenching Samira’s hand.
Samira gave her clit one last lick before withdrawing her fingers, pulling back to catch her own breath. Baran pulled her on top of her, and she held her tight, whispering things Samira didn’t quite catch.
"You were amazing, Samira," Baran breathed out, her own breathing still uneven.
Samira couldn't fight back the sudden urge to cry.
"Are you okay?" Baran asked, immediately sensing something was wrong.
Samira nodded. "Yeah. It's just..." She laughed softly, wiping at her eyes. "I'm really happy."
Baran's expression softened. "That's a good thing, though, right, baby?"
"It is."
Samira reached for a towel from the nightstand and began absentmindedly cleaning both of them. She had to do laundry anyway; she’d change out the sheets later.
"I just haven't felt this way in a long time."
Baran watched her quietly, a lazy smile on her face.
"You make me happy," Samira admitted. "Really happy."
Baran leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Likewise."
Silence settled between them; it was a comfortable silence, like the need for words wasn’t important anymore, just having each other close was enough.
After a while, once their breathing had slowed and the room had grown still, Baran carefully shifted.
"I'm going to use the bathroom," she said. "Then I'll call an Uber."
Samira immediately sat up, and confusion washed over her face. "You don't have to leave."
Baran paused, and a small smile appeared on her lips. "You don't want me to?"
Samira knew a test when she saw one, or maybe not a test.
Maybe just uncertainty.
Maybe Baran needed reassurance as much as she did. Either way, Samira wasn't making the same mistake twice.
She had finally gotten her back; she wasn't going to let her go again.
Never again.
"Go use the bathroom," Samira said. "But come back to bed afterward."
Baran's smile widened. "Yeah?"
Samira smiled back. "You aren't going anywhere."
The look of relief on Baran’s face made Samira ache.
"...I'm not going anywhere either."
For a moment, Baran simply looked at her.
Then she nodded. "Good."