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Seoul’s streets buzz with cars whizzing by like flashes of lightning, their horns drowned out by the noisy laughter of a cheerful crowd swarming around bars and clubs, carefree of passersby’s odd stares. A dizzying city, loud and deafening that appeals both regulars and foreigners in search of adrenaline rush. Among this human anthill, two figures stand out, motionless in front of one those clubs, neon lights and its illuminated sign flicker on their clothes.
“Here we are, Juwon”, Hyeok announces with a hint of apprehension, his eyes searching in his friend’s for a similar positive reaction as his arms stretch out towards a club, red and blue lights reflecting on Juwon’s pallor.
“What is it ?, Juwon asks, feigning ignorance. He refuses inwardly Hyeok’s utterly absurd idea outright.
Juwon approximately knows what it is, and wishes in no case to set foot in. Never. His ghostly face almost left Hyeok speechless, his arms remaining suspended in the air as if he conveyed a sense of a surprise.
“A nightclub…”, continues Hyeok, his smile faltering under Juwon,“…a gay one”, he adds brieftly, clenched teeth.
Juwon freezes on the spot, his heart threatening him to jump from his ribcage at the sound of those two words. What has gotten Hyeok thinking it would make him feel better to drag him in an area stinking of alcohol and loud music ? But a gay club, of all things ? That’s his last straw. Nothing in his daily lifestyle gave away his hidden sexual preference. Commute. Work. Sleep a bit. That’s it, and it has been like this for more than one year now.
Well…except this night. Yet there is no way Hyeok or anyone else could have known what had happened with him and Dongsik.
Juwon holds his palm towards Hyeok and orders him “Give me the keys” in a stern tone, reluctant to enter what he considers a shabby place.
Yet thanks to his uncanny ability to predict Juwon’s behavior, Hyeok doesn’t fall for the obvious trap to ditch him here alone.
“Come on Juwon, don’t act like this. I’m doing it for you, to meet people and finally turn the page”, he justifies, pleading as the loyal and good friend, “There is nothing wrong with changing your habits once or twice”.
Juwon has no doubt that Hyeok is genuinely trying to make him happy, yet the mere thought of hanging out with people like him (but who is he exactly ?) makes him feel sick. Besides, nothing in his brain or his body wants to erase what literally reshaped him.
Neither the sandy streets of Manyang, nor the meat grilling as Jaeyi joined in Jinhwa and Jihoon’s giggle, even less Dongsik’s face, whose memory always sends shivers down his spine. Juwon comes with an excuse as flimsy as it is logical to justify his abrupt withdrawal, pulling his phone from his long black coat’s pocket, the time on the screen showing it’s too late to be hanging out around outside.
“I have to work tomorrow”, Juwon explains and waits for Hyeok to hand him the keys to the car parked somewhere in the neighborgood, fearing that some clueless person might scratch it even if it’s not his car.
“No way. I didn’t clear my schedule only to mope around in a club I carefully picked for my heartbroken, repressed friend. In any case, you told me you are off duty tomorrow, so you’re coming”, Hyeok laments, aware that he has taken a step too far with his bluntness.
Juwon bites his tongue, regretting not having thought twice before telling Hyeok about his day off.
“A normal bar would have been more than enough. I’m not going here”, he objects, ”And for your information, I'm not repressed or…gay”, he denies, his face turning slghty out of Hyeok’s peripheral vision.
“Sure, sure. Go ahead and take me for a fool. Juwon, it’s written all over your face. Stop pretending and enjoy the moment. It’s not every day you are 30.”, he glances at Juwon’s athletic yet unassuming build, as if that single argument is enough to prove his point.
“Gross.” Juwon retorts with a look of disgust as he realizes what Hyeok is getting at.
“Prove me wrong then”, Hyeok snorts, an almost mocking smile spreading across his lips.
The words echo invonluntarily in the back of his mind, annoying and persistent.
Prove him wrong
His eyes drift against his will toward the bar’s entrance, crowded with young men puffing on vapes, the smoke forming thick clouds tinged by the distorted colors of lights. For a brief moment, Dongsik appears in his head. Wet hair. Rough hands gripping his neck. Lips hungry for contact. Juwon almost chokes with his saliva, a wave of heat washing over his cheeks for a split second.
Maybe it is worth it ?
“One drink…”, he murmurs bitterly.
“What ?”, Hyeok blinks, surprised.
“I said one drink. After that, we leave”, repeats Juwon, unsure of what he has just gotten himself into.
“I knew you’d come around.”
Juwon scoffs and starts walking, hands in his coat pockets.
No sooner has he been swept up in the staircase leading to that club, Juwon feels dizzy, trapped between the swirling throng of bodies pressing on him and the music pouding at him like a sledgehammer. Moving becomes so difficult that he almost misses a step, barely catching himself by grabbing Hyeok’s shoulder.
“Are you okay ? Don’t trip and stay close to me”, Hyeok warns, “unless you want to get-”
Juwon pulled his hand away, narrowly avoiding bumping into one of the male leaning on the worn stair railings. The stranger looks up, startled by the sudden movement before him, only to meet Juwon’s sharp, cold features, a curiously intrigued expression playing on his lips.
Juwon grimaces under that gaze and follows closer to Hyeok, who has already rushed down the stairs. A troubled sigh escapes his throat as he teps down the last one. How could a prosecutor like this kind of place ? Juwon genuinely wonders, slightly interested in the double life he might be leading. After all, everyone has a part of themselves they want to hide. He, most of all.
The strobe lights flutter continuously, but their glare is softened by the diffused purplish-blue, almost liquid hue, bulb bathing the room. He crosses the door, and immediately feels the space close behind him.
Several silhouettes, like dancing shadows, moved to the beat of music, their voice mingling indistinctly with the lyrics sung close to his ears. If it was just this, Juwon might have been able to ignore it, still the stiffening air, mixed with the smell of booze and an excess of human intimacy, sicken him above all else, reawakening in him the fear of being contaminated by this place despite his misophobia’s amelioration.
More attentive than he wants to be, he analyzed these bodies dressed in a way he finds indecent. Fake pricey fabrics and shirts slightly open, letting the club’s lights glide over their skin. He looks nothing like them, with his neatly ironed turtleneck, his well-brushed hair and an unprecedent restraint. He belongs to another world, certainly not this one unlike Hyeok, dressed more casually than usual, which should have tipped him off and helped him avoid this awkward situation.
Without lingering, he migrates to the bar, brushing past the hindrances on his path, until he settles onto one of the high faux-leather stools, carefully folding his coat close to him. Hyeok takes his place as quickly, taking off his jacket while he gestures to the bartender to prepare the order.
“Two Whiskey Sours”, he orders without glancing at the cocktail’s price and the bartender nods in agreement.
Juwon turns his head, puzzled. “That’s not what I usually drink.”, he points out, used by the comfort of the bitterness of his usual Old Fashioned, which he always takes such care to sip.
Hyeok shruggles, distracted by the sound behind him, “Exactly. I said a change will do you good.”, he says, tapping on his phone screen, a smirk forming on his face.
Juwon responds with silence, unable for once to argue with him. Change. Is there anything wrong with sticking to a set routine ? Juwon had always lived mechanically, at least until he arrived at the Manyang substation. But after so many psychological and emotional struggles, including his father’s imprisonment and an ambiguous relationship with Dongsik, a change of pace was necessary in his life. A new routine somewhere else.
He hasn’t seen Dongsik for a few months now, during a small gathering at Jaeyi’s barbecue to honor his late sister as well as to celebrate Dongsik’s release after serving his prison sentence. That walk alone along the path by the lake, isolated from the outside world, eye to eye and a heavy quietness with all they had left behind without ever saying a word.
He still remembers his body screaming to break free from that sweet pain, unwilling to accept that what he felt -and feels- for Dongsik was no longer neutral. And that is precisely why he didn’t try to get in touch with Dongsik anymore. Not to distance himself from him, but rather to let his feelings fade away. Just thinking about it, Juwon lets out a long, subtle sigh that blends with the club’s background, his face tilted upward as he watches the dozens of warm-colored strobe lights across the ceiling.
Beside him, Hyeok stops typing on his screen and shifts his attention back to Juwon, tucking his phone away in his matching atmosphere’s pants.
“Okay, spill it out.”, he challenges, sensing something is troubling Juwon as his index finger drums rhythmically on the marble bar counter.
Juwon pulls his attention from the lights and turns to Hyeok, “What ? What do you want me to tell you?”, he replied increduously, deliberately beating around the bush.
“Really…man, you haven’t been yourself lately ? I don’t know what’s been going on since…””, Hyeok pauses, hesitating whether or not say Han Kiwhan’s name, “all that, but-“
“Two Whiskey Sours”, the bartender calls out, his voice clinking with the two glasses set before them and vanishing.
Timing couldn’t have been better for Juwon, who uses this opening to change the topic. He wraps his slender fingers around the rock glass filled with a fancy pale yellow liquid and lifts it prudently to his lips. The bitterness of lemon almost makes him wince. It is different. Less robust than his Old Fashioned, less sweet than his Manhattan and of course less raw than his Scotch.
“It’s…exotic”, notices Juwon as he watches the off-white foam persisting around the shape of his lips left by his sip.
“Of course it is. I don’t want to carry you on my back all the way to your apartment. Not again.”, Hyeok perked, trying the whiskey for himself.
Juwon’s lips flitch, a prickly outline of a smile sketched on his face.
“So…”, asks Juwon, his attention drawn a bit by the room now grounding more men of all ranges of age dancing on house music, which he dislikes, “how did you find out ?”.
Bold question. He ignores why he suddenly brings on the table something he never wanted to speak aloud, not even to himself alone. But he did it anyway, for some reason as if the burden weighing on his heart had finally become insufferable.
“As your drinking buddy, but also your best friend, I couldn’t let you mope around in your cave and drown yourself in work. So I researched all the -”, Hyeok starts into a detailed account, cheerfully explaining the process of finding this club until Juwon interrupts him.
“No, I’m asking…how did you find out that I'm…I’m…well”, his words trail off, incapable of saying aloud what he is, what and how he feels.
A short silence flows by, leaving Juwon to think that he shouldn’t have opened up on this matter so quickly. After all, human relationships are ruled by personal stances and could be easily broken for the same reasons. His legs shiver under the chair, like leaves blown by a winter wind, one of his sweaty fists clutching nervously on his dark pants.
To his surprise, instead of a horrified face, Hyeok lays his hand on Juwon’s shoulder, the warm touch soothing his worries.
“Juwon. Tell me how long have we known each other ?”
“I don’t know…Quite a while”, guessed Juwon.
His memory never fails him, except when it comes to his childhood. He just knows Hyeok has always been a part of his life, whether wished or not.
The corner of Hyeok’s mouth twitches upward,“ And you still think there are things about you I don’t know ?”, his hands pats Juwon before resting it on the counter, “You’re like an open book to me. And I have to admit that in the past I used that to your disavangtage.”, he confesses guilty, his features relaxing “But I sincerely want you to be happy.”
Juwon stays muted, the weight of this unexpected confidence echoing in his mind. His vision blurs a little as his throat tights under such honesty and acceptance, something he has never been quite familiar with. Yet, a part of himself drags him down to think the worst.
“And if…certains things were just as bad as they seemed from the beginning ?”
Like a relationship doomed to failure built on an unhealthy obsession to prove one’s crimes despite the evidence of its innocence. A bond whose nature stayed unresolved for two years, without any of the side speaking about it again. And that’s what Juwon hates the most because if he had the chance to go back in time and express his feelings towards Dongsik, he wouldn’t do it ouf of cowardice. After all, there is no reason for Dongsik to bacome attached to someone like him.
Hyeok soughes, saddened by the look of utter dismay on his buddy’s face.
“Juwon… What you bury always catches up with us in the end”, Hyeok states while he raises his alcohol to his lips for a brief moment, “and believe me or not, it’s even worse when it’s too late to dig them up”, he finishes soberly.
Juwon stares at his cocktail, barely drunk, his hand waltzing the very foam absentmindly as if trying to look for an answer. Well, Hyeok’s logic is plausible.
“Thank you”, he whispers, grateful to his friend standing next to him.
Hyeok arches an eyebrow, astounded by Juwon’s reserved tone to thank him.
“You, thanking me ? The last time I heard this word from your mouth was more than 2 years ago. Don’t get all sentimental with me, it worries me.”
Juwon sneers halfway between annoyance and a concealed laugh. It had been a long time since he had spoken so casually with someone. The pleasant stillness breaks in seconds, and the ringing of a phone’s notification brings them back to reality. Hyeok rummages in his pockets for his phone, turns it on and sees the notification he just received. Juwon could only see a “I’m here” on the screen, but not the contact.
Is Hyeok in a relationship ? Juwon dares not ask right away, leaving it to Hyeok to decide whether or not to talk about it when the time comes.
Hyeok shallows in one go the whiskey, scrowled under the high level of acidity, “I won’t order this shit again. Well, I’m going for a smoke.”
Guess not now.
Without waiting, he grabs his coat and puts enough bills to cover both their drinks. Juwon glances at him.
“You’re still smoking ?”
“Yes, less than I used to though but you know what they say, nicotine is addictive”, Hyeok answers with a shrug far too innocent to be believable.
“I won’t come to see you when you’re rotting in a hospital bed”, Juwon warns through an underlying concern in his voice.
“Talk about yourself first. If you keep overthinking, you’ll end up with an ulcer”, replied Hyeok, turning his back already to cross the crowd, “Stay a bit longer. Who knows, maybe someone’s waiting for you.”
Juwon doesn’t have time to say something that Hyeok blends into the background.
What does he mean by “an unexpected encounter” ? Juwon wonders, sourness burning on his tongue.
Now, he is alone in an unknown territory, surrounded by people who share the same common point that he desperately tried to ignore. In other words, he is a potential prey for advances he would not be able to handle. And his intuition is right as just a few minutes a man sits down on the stool Hyeok left.
Oh shoot., rues Juwon holding back his discomfort behind his glass.
From the corner of his eyes, Juwon observes the one who trespassed his safety circle is a young man, obviously younger than him by three years at least, messy hair and earrings that reflect the purple ligh. Objectively speaking, he meets all the beauty standards expected by most. Too bad Juwon is into older men.
“You are waiting for someone ?”, the stranger’s voice inquiries.
Juwon’s body tenses.
Not you.
Not far from where Juwon is, Hyeok finally finds himself back in the Seoul night air.
“Prosecutor Kwon Hyeok.”, a nearby voice calls him, almost veiled by the loud chatters.
Hyeok’s head rises up, combing the faces until he spots a man a few meters ahead whom he recognizes too easily, leaning against a wall opposite the club.
Lee Dongsik.
Perfect.
Hyeok switches his phone for a pack of cigarettes and wedges one of the tobacco sticks between his lips while he approaches Dongsik, lighting it with a mechanical gesture. He takes a long drag of his cigarette before exhaling the smoke onto Dongsik’s face, who snickers despite the smell infiltrating his lungs.
“Lee Dongsik-ssi. I’ll keep it short”, he spits, his voice dripping of venom, I don’t particularly care for you. In fact, I despise you.”
“The feeling is mutual”, sneers Dongsik, hands buried in his vest pockets as the nocturnal chill seeps into his bones.
“But”, goes Hyeok, twirling his cig between his fingers, “what I can’t stand even more is seeing Juwon in this state, month after month”.
The orange flame wavers at Hyeok’s words as well as Dongsik’s crooked smile, conscious of the truth in Hyeok’s words and the reality he has tried to avoid ever since.
“The only reason I asked you to meet me here is because of him. So, if you genuinely care about him as much as him appears to care about you…”, Hyeok pauses coldy, “Fix it before it’s too late”
Hyeok stubs out his consumed cigarette beneath the heel of his loafer, “And if you intend to hurt him any further, you’ll regret it”, he warns curtly before turning away and disappearing around the street corner, leaving Juwon’s heart in Dongsik’s hands. As he makes his way to his car, Hyeok allows himself to breathe. He should thank Jinhwa for helping him set this up.
Dongsik remains motionless for a moment, watching the last sparks of the cigarette burn away. With heavy steps, he crosses the street strewn with cigarette butts and trash, looking past the sidelong glances of youthful men, somehow mocking his age.
True, a man in his forties stepping into a queer club popular with the young generation is more likely to be seen more as a sexual predator than someone simply looking for love or a one-night stand. Well Jihoon had already told him about it several times though. Just thinking of it leaves him drained.
He goes down the stairs, barely avoiding slipping on the steps in his beige boots that he had saved for rare and special occasions just like this one. He pushes open the main door, diving into the vast lit-up room, instantly caught in a thick fog and blinding lights.
Music bangs against his temples as a human flood is swallowing him in a suffocating beat. Yes, it’s not something that matches his mild personality, and even less for the person he is about to meet afterall this time. If anyone is to blame, it’s Hyeok, or Jinhwa who convinced him to return to Seoul.
Yet, regardless of the hubbub, his eyes lock onto a silhouette he knows all too well.
Beyond the dancing floor, Juwon is sitting near the bar counter, gravitating like a lost star in the universe. His back is stiff, legs elegantly crossed and he wears the same usual black turtleneck that drives Dongsik crazy. His vision has never been so acute.
Always stunning.
Close to him, a young man babbles uselessly about his life in a failed attempt to draw his attention, enough to irritate Dongsik who is slowly making his way. The growing stiffness in his expression reveals his loss of patience as every attempt to brush the stranger off proves unsuccessful. Nothing is stopping him from leaving. Nevertheless Hyeok’s words still echo in his mind.
Right at that moment, something briefly pulls his sight away with the uneasy sensation of being watched from somewhere in the club.
A shadow he learned to distinguish. His heart skips at the illusion. Is he already drunk on his turmoil to imagine him in this nightclub ?
Ridiculous.
Juwon shakes his head, completely forgetting about the man yapping nonsense. Although he is about to sip this awful drink, a voice emerges from behind, too familiar to be mistaken with any other.
“Everything’s good here ?”
The downy hair on his nape stands on end while his fingers threaten him to lose their grip on his glass. His ribcage tightens and his chest pounds.
Impossible…
Juwon slightly spins his head to the voice, as if to confirm his auditory hallucination, only to face Dongsik in front of him. Everything seems to stop, even his breath. There, under the purplish-blue neon light is standing the same man for whom he once gave up his pride for him and tried to atone to him.
Is he really drunk ? The pinch on his thigh tells him otherwise.
“Um..no everything's okay I was just discussing with -“, the stranger stammers, crushed by Dongsik’s aura toising him.
“Oh perfect then, but you see this young man here isn’t really keen to continue the conversation”, Dongsik chips in a gruff but not unkind tone, drawn to Juwon’s bewildered face, “Why don’t you find another man interested in listening to the melodrama of your life ?”
This request sounds more like an order than a suggestion, forcing the unknown man to read the room and slip away, allowing Dongsik to take his place with ease. Dazed, Juwon scans Dongsik from head to toe, noticing the usual crumpled shirt, unbuttoned down to his collarbone, and his messy hair now slightly longer than before.
“What ? Have you seen a ghost ?”, teases Dongsik, with a subtle signal to the waiter, “One Old Fashioned”, he calls as he sees the half-empty glass between Juwon’s clenched hands, “Actually two Old Fashioneds”, he corrects, guessing the infamy of the Whiskey Sour for Juwon’s taste.
Juwon sets his jaw, hating on how effortlessly Dongsik reenters his personal space after months of silence and distance, as if this night was nothing more than a feverish dream. But it is engraved in the lines of his mind, of his body. The way Dongsik called for his name in the hollow of his ear. The warmth of his hands on his burning skin. The bitterness mixed with the metallic taste of his lips.
Juwon grits even harder on his teeth, showing an ounce of his uncicatrised wound to Dongsik. He has never been able to determine what they were supposed to be after that night.
Two men who crossed a boundary in a moment of weakness or more ?
A question left to be answered for so long it no longer matters. Or that is what Juwon keeps trying to convince himself of, even after meeting him in the year in Manyang.
Even so, in that moment, Juwon understands without any doubt that what he had felt for Dongsik for all this time was something deeper than just sympathy, from the start of their investigation to now, with him sitting just a few inches away.
He wants him. Terribly.
The bartender sets the two drinks down in front of Dongsik and Juwon respectively. Neither moves, both uncertain how to proceed. Dongsik slowly turns the ice cube in his glass before casting a glance at Juwon, his focus glued on the counter.
“You look worn out”.
Is it really the first thing Dongsik noticed about me ? Juwon thinks, offended.
He savors the amber fragrance, careful to hide his weak spot, “I got loads of work recently”, Juwon snaps, a knot forming in his stomach.
Dongsik scoffs, getting back the taste for Juwon’s implicit barbs, “Mmh. Right Inspector Han Juwon. I never thought you’d choose this kind of place on your day off. You’re full of surprises aren’t you ?”, Dongsik doesn’t expect a specific answer as the amber liquid slides down his throat, slightly burning it.
Juwon quivers, hearing his name on Dongsik’s tongue. His arm stopped midway between the surface and his mouth. How is he supposed to explain his presence in a gay club, alone and abandoned by his best friend who- oh.
Juwon gets why Hyeok acted so strangely on his phone and why he vanished after he received that notification. Damn, if he had seen through this scheme, he wouldn’t have come, right ?
It doesn’t matter anymore, Dongsik is here now, and he could not miss the opportunity to clarify their situationship.
“Do I have to justify myself to you now ?”, retorts harsly Juwon,“ I could ask the same. Why go to so much trouble to bury yourself in here ?. And stop calling me by my grade”, he throws the question back at him, playing fool.
This time, Dongsik doesn’t answer right away and tapots his nails on the edge of his glass, “Well… I came here looking for some entertainment” , he looks away, used to subtlety and stratagems than bluntness, “But I guess I'm a little too old for that kind of place”.
Bullshit.
Nothing had ever changed in the end. Still backed up in their own fragile stronghold, circling around the same issue like two idots. Juwon clicks his tongue, frustrated by Dongsik’s lack of real answer, though he himself is no better. And he has never been. Concealing his feelings instead of expressing them has only dragged their lingering tension even further.
However, he couldn’t bring himself to make the first move. Not now. Yet, he was the one who had lit the powder keg. To kneel in front of Dongsik seeking for repentance as if his life was at stake ( it was), to press his lips to his as though they burned with guilt. The noise suddenly becomes unbearable to Juwon, an unpleasant force steadily hammering his head that leaves him stuffy.
I should leave , his brain urges, but his body doesnt budge, stuck to the leather of the chair.
“Don’t try to fool me. Why did you really come here? I doubt it was just for a drink.”, Juwon insists, his resistance collapsing like a sandcastle, its towers erased by the sea.
“Sharp as ever Juwon-ah”, praised Dongsik ironically.
“Don’t waste my precious time, Lee Dongsik-ssi.”, Juwon cautions, his tongue heavy heavy of the honoric he forces himself to use.
“Back in the old days. I see. You already know why.”, Dongsik’s eyes lingered on Juwon, the strobes of the warm and spinning room flickering across his gaze.
Juwon feels himself melting under Dongsik’s piercing stare. Of course he knows. And he knows that Dongsik knows that he knows. And he wants him to say it aloud first.
Dongsik offers no reply. A pinch of disappoint raised in Juwon’s chest as he downs his drink, as if it could give him the courage to say how fucked up this situation is for him. His throat flares with every trace of whiskey, rasping against his vocal cords as he tips. So unusual. That is the grip Dongsik had on him.
“I’m leaving if you have nothing more to say, Lee Dongsik-ssi.”
Of course, he doesn’t want to leave. He wishes Dongsik would reach for him the same way he did for him last time. Before Juwon can leave the change on the counter, Dongsik tosses a few bills earned as a convenience worker and catches Juwon’s wrist before he can walk away.
“Don’t go. We are not done yet”, he says as he rises from his chair and leads Juwon past the packed room without giving him the chance to resist.
If he has to be the first one to break, then so be it.
He barely has the time to register the delicate yet firm grip of Dongsik against his skin that his back hits a cold wall, trapped between two worn ramparts and a dim light. It takes him only a moment to realize that Dongsik dragged him into a narrowed dead end alley beside the club’s emergency exit.
The club’s music is already far, absorbed by their slow breaths.
“What are you trying to do ?”, Juwon exclaims and wrenches his hand free from Dongsik. His skin still crackles as if it had been branded with iron.
Dongsik doesn’t flinch at the face he had undoubtedly never managed to erase from his very cells, “Nothing serious that would rile up my partner”, he snickers calmly, a faint smirk curving his lips.
Partners in what ? Investigation ? Crimes ? Life ? So many meanings for a word, driving him mad.
“We are not partners anymore Lee Dongsik-ssi”, he rectifies.
Are we really ?
Dongsik chuckles, he had already expected this answer.
“You are really something”, he exhales amused as he combs his hair with his fingers, “Let me get this straight”.
The air grows tighter.
“That night…”, he tilts his head to the side, scratching his temple in search of a fitting way to finish his sentence, “we had other things to deal with.”
His tone is placid, sincerity softening it. He continues, tracing Juwon’s lips glistening with balm.
“The culprit wasn’t going to be caught that easily, and you know that better than I do. Everything happened so fast”, Dongsik pauses, thinking back at the domino effect like a film reel out of a place, “and you were busy too.”, he adds helplessly, trying to justify himself.
Everything seems reasonable, almost enough for Juwon to accept. But he does not.
“It’s not what I’m talking about”, Juwon darts, his eyebrows knitting together in frustration as he fights against the temptation to grab Dongsik by the collar and kiss him.
He should be strong. Not like last time. Dongsik blinks, puzzled by the turn the conversation has taken, its meaning blurred into something without clear boundaries.
“I’m not saying we had time”, Juwon goes on, unfazed by his confusion, "I'm saying you never tried”.
And I never tried either…
It lands in Dongsik’s ear, heart slamerring of confusion. Juwon really loves to catch him off guard.
“Tried…?”, he repeats slowly, “We were in the middle of a case Juwon, and right away I was sentenced”, a hint of sarcasm edging his words as annoyance flickers against Juwon’s accusation, “What exactly did you expect me to say? Call you whe-“
“Do not put the blame on me, Dongsik”, hisses Juwon, dropping the honorifics for later.
Juwon’s pulse spikes against his throat. His grip tightening on nothing but the something violent and hesitant inside him surging.
“Even after the case, you didn’t even try to talk about it. Nothing. No words. Just ‘eat well, sleep well and poop well’”, he points out, incapable of containing the flow of his words. His gaze doesn’t leave Dongsik.
A pause stretches before he speaks again, “I thought that was all I could ever get from you. That it was enough for me to keep on living.”
Perhaps he had imagined everything ? That it never meant as much to Dongsik as it did to him, that his feelings were nothing less than dust. He despises this powerless feeling just as he loves Dongsik.
“I waited for you. and suddenly when Hyeok came and told you I was some broken heart, work alcoholic mess…”, his jaw clenchs and his breath stutters, “You show up.”
His lips tremble, tasting the salt of tears slipping down his cheeks, his heart sinking with anything but relief.
“And now you’re acting like I was the one ignoring you ?”, he scoffs in disbelief, “You used to lie better than this.”
Yes I ignored you too…
Sharp. The words echo through the stairwell of the emergency exit, maybe even loud for passing strangers to hear. Juwon hadn’t meant to sound so ruthless, but he had no intention of apolizing for a truth that needed to be said.
…
“You’re really good at turning everything into a trial right ?”, Dongsik sniffs, hitting a nerve he can’t hide as he masks the painful reproach just aimed at him.
He steps closer to Juwon, something unsettled lingering in the way he carries himself.
“I have never forgotten about it…” he drags his thumb along Juwon’s pale lips.
Juwon doesn’t waver but doesn't push him away either, the touch calming him more than he allows.
“You really want me to give you a proper answer ?”, Dongsik hesitates, momentarily caught by the glint in Juwon’s eyes. He draws a long breath as though about to unveil a heavy secret.
“Do you really think it all started with you clinging onto me or me finding you useful for me to play with? No. I noticed you right away when I saw you. And I hate myself for that. How pretentious you were, controlled and above the law like those rich bastards. Too arrogant or too condescending. Probably both. Enough to draw a line between you and me.” he lets out a weary smile.
“I thought it was purely a curiosity, suspecting that you could be a tool for me, like a pawn on my chessboard. What a fool I was. I started caring for you, sincerely. Oh, I tried so hard to shut that part of me down.”, he admits defeatly, his thumb gently brushing Juwon’s warm skin, “And then, that night happened and I knew there was no turning back. I kept telling myself there were more important things to deal with, that you would eventually disappear from my mind. You didn’t. And I was too much of a coward to talk about it.”, Dongsik looks away, struggling to keep his voice steady.
“The last time we met in Manyang, I thought you were looking at me like I was still your old friend. Just colleagues. And I let you think that way because I wanted you to be happy, to not drown because of me.”, Dongsik confesses, a trace of shame in his voice, “But you didn’t. Neither did I.”, he turns his attention back to Juwon, whose face is visibly moved.
“Juwon”, Dongsik whispers his name so intimate it feels like a sigh, his hand fully cupping his cheek, “If you are asking what are”, he steps closeruntil their breaths interwitne, “I have no idea, and I think it bothers me more than it should be. But I know one thing.”, he murmurs softly, tucking a few strands of hair behind Juwon’s ear, “I want you to stay by my side. Not as a simple colleague. I mean you.”
Juwon doesn’t move right away, too stunned to speak or motion his hands, as if Dongsik drained all his energy with his confession.
I want you to stay by my side
These words replay in an endless loop.
Dongsik’s fingers skim over the flushed lobe of his ear, as light as a feather and as discreet as a butterfly yet unraveling him. Juwon shallows, his words reduced to nothing. For months, he had believed it was one-sided that he had been quietly wasting away without, working himself to exhaustion. He feels so stupid and selfish in front of Dongsik’s revelation, yet also strangely reassured to not have been the only fool in this story…to have been afraid to love but also to have waited.
“You’re unbelievable,” Juwon stutters in English as usual when he is flustered.
Dongsik blinks, confused by the foreign syllables. He certainly doesn’t have the knowledge in English to understand what Juwon was implying here.
So, Juwon switches back to Korean, “you made me doubt myself for all this time…Do you think this alone would make up for it ?”
“No,” his grin eases a bit, “I don’t”, Dongsik answers, a hint of mischief in his gaze.
Juwon studies him for a brief moment, instinctively pulled by the same pairs of lips he used to long for.
“Then you have to do better than that to prove yourself”, he dares confront Dongsik head-on.
Dongsik remains speechless until understanding flashes through his mind.
“Is it a request, Inspector Han Juwon-ssi ?”
“You’re supposed to be an ex-officer”, Juwon argues, heat trising in him as Dongsik reduces the distance, “Figure it out yourself. And for God’s sake stop calling me ‘Inspector’.”
A rare expression, similar to someone who has just earned a approval, fickers across Dongsik’s face,
“Then I guess I have no choice but to abide by the inspector’s order.”, he counters, deliberately stressing the word ‘inspector”.
Dongsik closes the distance between them, claiming Juwon’s pale pink lips with quiet devotion as if trying to atone for his wrongdoings, firm but real. His hand anchors itself at the crook of Juwon’s jaw, sliding up to the nape of his neck while Juwon’s legs weaknen beneath the pressure, trapped against his.
This closeness, both of them missed it.
Juwon pants for a few seconds, caught off guard by the long-awaited initiative before grabbing Dongsik by the collar of his shirt as he wished to do. His fingers latch onto it for a fleeting moment just as they had clung to his coat that same night desperately.
Don’t go.
Dongsik doesn’t let him go.
The time, the place. He couldn’t even care less. All his intrusive thoughts dissolve under the confidence of his heart. Nothing mattered more than Dongsik’s tongue playing with Juwon’s hunger. Until reality pulls them off from their world like a bubble pierced by a needle. A door at the back of the alley slams shut, the music briefly flowing into their ears. Two persons are chatting there, dangerously approaching their hidden secret spot.
Juwon freezes instantly beneath Dongsik, his mind disrupted under such sudden interruption. What if they found them ?
Dongsik seems to understand his concern like he possesses some kind of telepathic gif or perhaps because of the thick strand of saliva still connecting them. Whatever the reason, he can’t help but chuckle.
“Aigo Juwon-ah, isn’t it a bit too late to worry about that now ?” Dongsik teases, malice lighting up his eyes.
Oh, he is up to no good.
“Don’t-“, tries to protest Juwon, only to be met by a great weight settling on his thighs.
“If you don’t want to be caught, I suggest you to stay still”, advises Dongsik, fully aware of the trick he’s pulling.
Juwon leans over Dongsik’s level and finds himself pinned under him, entrapped by the lack of space and the small bulge pressing near his groin.
“Dongsik-“
“Ssh.”, Dongsik silenced him and laid his index gently against Juwon’s parted lips.
As things aren’t complicated enough, Dongsik seems intent on testing Juwon’s patience, nudging his knee against the light beginning of his arousal, all while wearing a falsely innocent look. Juwon can only grit his teeth awkwardly, a primise of revenge mingling with the uneven breaths escaping his throat. The strangers’ voices draw closer, stretching Juwon’s anxiety at the thought of being discovered in such a situation, although no one would remember his voice the next day.
“I think it’s this way”, one of them says.
“You sure ?l”, another voice replies, tipsy.
They come to a stop directly on the other side of the wall separating them.
Juwon’s heart shrieks in panic when one of the strangers slowly wanders to the dead-end alley. Dongsik doesn’t do anything to help him. Instead he cages his body harder on Juwon, breath against breath and their foreheads nearly touching while his hands tighten their hold around Juwon’s waist, making him almost growl when their clothed erections squeeze against each other.
“Am I dreamin’ or are there two people there ?”, asks the stranger, squinting as he tries to see two bodies emerging from the shadows.
“Stop saying weird shit you reek of alcohol c’mon or we’ll miss the deal”, the other answered before dragging him away fastly, disappearing from Juwon field of vision.
After making sure no one else is lurking nearby, Juwon shoves Dongsik out to get a proper look at him.
“You. Don’t you have a death wish ?”, Juwon snaps breathless from having held back for so long.
A chuckle comes from Dongsik. Looking utterly unbothered, he straightens the creases of his shirt with the kind of provocation Juwon had long grown accustomed to.
“Juwon-ah, is that how you thank me after I saved your reputation ? You’re hurting my feelings”, Dongsik feigns offense.
The sound of his boots echoes across the dusty floor, matching the frantic rhythm of Juwon’s heartbeat as he crowds him once more, his fingertips ghostling lightly along his chest.
“Save the bullshit for later.”, pratically orders Juwon, his voice rough.
“Why ? I just wanted to help you”, Dongsik pursued, the same fingertips drifting lower to Juwon’s stomach, “I can help you for something else too”, his tone laced with innuendo as his palm touches Juwon’s cock.
“Dongsik. Not here.”, gasps Juwon, his gaze dangerously sharp despite the blush spreading across his cheeks like blooming petals.
“Right. Not here anymore. Your place ?”, Dongsik agrees, somewhat mesmerised by Juwon’s defiant yet captivating look.
“Of course my place unless you want to drive miles away to Manyang in the middle of the night”, replies sarcastically Juwon, bending down to retrieve the coat he had somehow dropped earlier.
“All right then, let me be your personal driver for this night. Lead the way”, Dongsik winks before following Juwon, who has already started towards the exit.
On a chilly October night in 2023, one no different from any other, Juwon has never felt so relieved to return to the four dreary walls of his apartment accompanied by the man he had wanted for far too long.
.
.
.
The car ride lasts no longer than 15 minutes from the club to Juwon’s apartment. Neither Dongsik nor Juwon dares to break the idyllic silence of Seoul’s midnight, except for a few furtive glances shared through the reflection in Dongsik’s car’s rearview mirror.
Dongsik pulls the handbrake, breaking the silence as they finally arrive at the parking lot. He unbuckles his seatbelt, his attention riveted on Juwon’s graceful figure, sitting cross-legged and arms resting against the window, his face turned towards the night lights.
It feels like one of those patrols nights roll in Manyang, althrough the context wasn’t the same as now. Juwon nods and slips from the car door, already walking straight to the interphone, punching in numbers on it before the main door unlocks. He stepped one foot into the lobby, his attention drawn to Dongsik following a few steps behind at an easy pace and a dreamy smile.
“Are you that hurried ?”, jokes off Dongsik.
“Why would I?”, he replies, hiding behind his rhetorical question a craving for Dongsik’s taste over his tongue.
Why wouldn’t I be ?
He leads the way to the elevator, ignoring Dongsik’s smirk as well as the thumping beat of his heart raging through his rib cage. Their footsteps reverberate through the empty complex, the sound bouncing off the walls as if they just entered a cavern carved from emerald.
Ding.
The metal door opens before them, revealing no one but a bright light and a large mirror reflecting their height difference. Juwon never dares to say it aloud but he loves the way Dongsik has to stand on tiptoe to reach his lips.
He brushes away the sudden thought, afraid he won’t be able to hold himself back, then goes into the elevator and mechanically presses the button for his floor.
Both of them stand side by side before the door, eager to leave its walls quickly. Juwon’s eyes catch Dongsik casually running a hand through his unruly hair once again. The gesture recalls that time when Dongsik, dressed in his official uniform that fit him far too well, was putting on a show for Juwon, who stood behind the one-way mirror of the interrogation room trying to preserve what remained of his sanity.
Well, now his sanity is hanging by a thread as a throb flashes through his body, his forehead dripping of few sweat droplets despite the freshness of the night. Inside his coat pocket, Juwon’s hands curl into tight fists, betraying his lascivious thoughts. He even imagines wiping that cocky smirk off Dongsik’s face with his fierce kisses, shoving him against the very mirror and making him beg for more. The only thing stopping him to act on such impulses is the CCTV above them.
Dongsik doesn’t miss it. He snares Juwon perking at him in a slow knowing smile whose borders on smugness carrying a message ‘I know what you are thinking’.
Juwon looks away and focuses on the floor indicator as the number steadily climbs up until the elevator comes to a stop with the electronic bell. He counts every second that separates him from his appartement. Not because he fears for what will happen later, but rather because he’s aware he wouldn’t contain himself any longer. And he is right. The moment he leaves the elevator, he rushes to his fron door, everything else, even some teasing remarks by Dongsik, hands as ever in his pockets, blurred in his mind. He hastily enters the code then pushes the door open and slips through the doorframe, Dongsik following leisurely as ever.
“As I expected from you, it’s still spacious and neat like the last time I-“, Dongsik starts
The answer never reached its end. Juwon slams the door with more strength than needed. Dongsik barely has the time to turn around and peek at the spacious apartment that he is pinned against, Juwon’s hands clutching the front of his jacket.
“You’ve been talking too much”, points out Juwon, a trace of dark desire filling his eyes over the smug face of the man he has pinned. He studies him from the corner of his tired eyes to the lined eyes to the bridge of his nose, where his breaths seem uneven and finally to the lips curved in an infuriating smile.
Lips Juwon couldn’t resist diving into.
He drags Dongsik forward before capturing his lips in a kiss torn between relief and grudge. Dongsik goes along with Juwon’s flow, withdrawing from any shape of opposition as their saliva gets mixed together. He doesnt back up at the low moan escaping from Dongsik’s throat, but rather deepens their exchange more rough unveiling a craving engulfed for too long while he sucks Dongsik’s lower lips, grazing it with his teeth.
Juwon keeps on torturing his mouth until the taste of blood blooms onto his tongue, sneaky and swirling around Dongsik’s. His mind was clouded, so his moves, throwing to the floor the brown jacket blocking him from Dongsik’s full body as he cast off his too carelessly.
“Juwon-ah..” mutters Dongsik with a shaky laugh, “ I didn’t know you missed me so much”
A glimpse of sadness lingers in the depths of Juwon’s irises, painfully aware of the way he acts uncontrollably over Dongsik even after their non-official separation as partners of life. The truth is, he missed Dongsik so much.
“Dongsik” he calls his name solemnly, “I hate you”.
I fucking love you bastard
“Show me how much you hate me, Juwon-ah”., incites Dongsik, holding his eyesight with Juwon’s blue gaze slicing his heart like knives. For a moment, everything is just plain silence. They just stay motionless there, on the lighted threshold, a few incheskeeping them apart. The light rain of late night falls on the large windows. Juwon counts them in his head, waiting for the right moment to give up what little pride he still clings to.
One. Two. Three. Four. Fuck it
Juwon dismisses the useless countdown and throws himself at Dongsik, this time his hands seeking to snatch his wavy hair. Dongsik returns with equal fever, one of his hands finding the nape of Juwon, all his playfulness fading away. The moon pours its light into the apartment, drawing their dancing shadows across the walls.
Without breaking the contact, Juwon takes off his shoes effortlessly, using the tip of his foot unlike Dongsik whose boots are firmly laced as always. Neither of them wants to break their kiss game but every attempt of Dongsik to kick off his boots ends in failure.
“Seriously ?”
“Wait a second.”, asks Dongsik, breaking off their proximity to bend over his knees with a small sigh, tearing off the laces in no time before standing right where he was.
“Took you long”, Juwon clicks his tongue.
“Aigo…This old man is no match for the stamina of this young officer”, teases Dongsik, shrugging defeated.
Juwon brushes aside the useless remark and seizes his wrist to eventually step inside. Only, his foot catches the raised threshold. For a ridiculous scone, his balance falters, bringing Dongsik down with him, who instinctively reaches for the back of his head which only makes things worse. Now their legs are tangled together, body to body, onto the wooden floor.
Dongsik straightens himself with his free hands and lifts himself to hover over Juwon, “Easy, I’m not going anywhere”
“Then don’t make me wait anymore”, snaps back Juwon, his face rising up to face him head-on.
No more words are needed. Dongsik rushes over Juwon, shifting his weight onto him. It’s impossible to ignore the closeness of their cocks as Dongsik straddles him, moving in sync with the rhythm of their kiss. The more Dongsik lets his hands wander along Juwon’s waist, the less Juwon cares about keeping quiet until he breaks the contact, overwhelmed by the heat building between them.
Covered by this tight black turtleneck, his chest rises at an unsteady pace, his lips swollen and the carmine blush spreading from his cheek to his neck betrays the irrepressible effect Dongsik has on his body. Under such beauty, Dongsik begs for mercy as his undignified look dares to roam freely.
“What now?”, stutters Juwon, slightly looking away.
“So this is what I’ve been missing all this time ? I’m not letting you go away. Not anymore.”
Dongsik pulls him up from the ground, bracing his two arms beneath Juwon’s strong thighs. Juwon doesn’t protest although he is surprised by what strength remains in Dongsik, his shoulders loop around his neck and he leans into him. Three or four steps ahead, they reach the couch. Juwon only has the time to switch on the floor lamp before their bodies sink into the fabric in a muted sound. He regains control as he shifts their position in such a gracious way, under Dongsik.
“You’re so impatient” slips through Dongsik’s parted lips before he is cut off by another fervent kiss.
Right. Juwon is impatient. So impatient he unbuttons in seconds the shirt sticking on Dongsik’s skin, his neatly trimmed nails weaving their way into his skin, careful not to scratch it as if he were handling silk. His lips trail from Dongsik’s mouth and move along his sharp jaw, brushing against the aftershave he treasures, then sinks into the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply, intoxicated by the cheap cologne mixed with alcohol. His mind goes hazy, his body burning as his hands map the shape of Dongsik’s chest. A smirk tugs at his lips at the low breathless groan slipping from Dongsik, unguarded.
“Juwon-ah, you improved a lot since last time”, Dongsik, patting gently Juwon’s ruined hair despite the hairspray he used.
“I've got plenty of nights to get better”, answers Juwon, sitting practically on Dongsik’s lap, his fingers still working with growing intensity on the two pieces of flesh.
Nothing beats the view under him. The curls framing that crumbling Dongsik’s smile and his soft pinot tint dusting his cheekbones. Juwon is grateful to know that Dongsik is, or at least that, within the walls of his heart, he takes up all of it. Judging having tormented his chest enough, Juwon ventures further down, palming meticulously the vestiges of Dongsik’s abs remaining on his stomach, locking his eyes swirling of thirst.
Time has passed and he still maintains his silhouette, though damaged by the time.
Juwon savors every inch of him, scattering lingering kisses as he stabilizes his agile body on the narrow couch where he used, and still does, to sit after long days of work, sipping his endless glasses of scotch.
The warmth of Dongsik’s stomach tensing beneath his touches sends a shiver through him until his cock, already strained against inner thighs of Dongsik, as his lips hitch near his lower body.
“You don’t have to do it if you’re uncomfortable”, says in a tone meant to be caring.
A single blink is enough for him to decide his next move. He wants Dongsik. He wants to pick up where they left off and anchor this night into his memory, into his DNA even if it means stepping out of his comfort zone. Juwon needs Dongsik more than anything now, and absolutely nothing will stop him otherwise.
“I want to.”, insists Juwon firmly, his sincere gaze mesmerized in Dongsik’s eyes.
Juwon hastily begins unzipping Dongsik’s navy blue pants, his movements deliberatly grazing the wet bulge formed for a while.
“Sure you do.”, whims Dongsik, shivering as he feels being peeled off entirely his pants alongisde with his underwear.
The last time someone had touched him like that was seven months ago. It had happened by accident after his release from prison, when he had considered taking a fresh start in Busan, just a short vacation before coming back to Manyang. He had been drinking in a random bar as he liked to do. But a little more unsteady than usual, he had given in to the advances of a woman five years younger than him. Despite her impressive performance in a shabby motel, he could only think of Juwon’s mouth on him. Poor woman, he had thought back then as he apoligzed to her while blaming it on a “temporary” menopause that supposedly affected his sexual activity.
As he briefly thinks of this lustful thought, the heated breath of Juwon on his cock feels so vivid. He couldn’t look away from Juwon’s crimson-flushed face and his unwavering stare locked on him. Juwon’s index slides along the pulsing vein between Dongsik’s scrotum until he reaches higher, and oddly stops.
Dongsik reads a hint of doubt on Juwon’s face, one he had only seen once before when he handcuffed him the very night Han Kihwan had been arrested.
“I trust you”, assures Dongsik, managing to cup Juwon’s cheek despite their awkward position.
Thump.
All of Juwon’s uncertainties wash away. He wraps the arched thick Dongsik between his palms sweaty hands. It feels just like this night when they were both driven by some longing.
Encouraged by the relaxed features of Dongsik as well as his ragged breaths, he starts stroking up and down his shaft, deliberately moving his thumb several times on the tip. His fingertips study each curve, shape and contour of Dongsik, not missing any occasion to exert pressure on sensitive spots as he keeps laying his flutter kiss along the line of hair beneath Dongsik’s navel.
“May I go further ?”, Juwon asks cautiously, still brushing him at a moderate pace.
“Since when do you ask for permission ?” Dongsik chuckles in a distant voice as he leans back on the cushion behind his head.
“Fuck you.”, swears Juwon, quickening his move a bit out of irritation.
“Ah- I’ve been waiting for that-“, nearly purrs Dongsik, smug at Juwon’s devotion until something humid takes over the delicate hand on his dick.
Never in his life Juwon thought he would give someone a blowjob, somehow repulsed by the idea of having contact with that part of the body. He had actually never tried anything like it with the few hookups he had reluctantly and occasionally had. Well, in all honesty, Juwon had never gone further than handjobs in a hotel. But when it comes to Dongsik, he could do anything in the hope of satisfying both their desires, even if it meant to put his ego aside. As so, he adjusts his face near Dongsik’s lower part, his own legs resting above the edge of the couch.
Juwon licks experimentally at the base of Dongsik’s bush, embracing his nostrils in the forest of black curled hair. The taste of sweat and of a distinct, viscous flavor on his tongue sends a shiver down his spine, his parted lips gradually closing the distance..
“Juwon-ah you don’t have to-” starts Dongsik before a strangled sigh slips past his lips.
Juwon takes him in his mouth wide-opened, covering nearly half of it. Careful not to let his teeth graze him, he moves forward and back at a steady pace. Juwon can only surrender beneath the burning weight on his tongue, his mouth caught between his own saliva and Dongsik. His own arousal throbs as he struggles to rest around the intrusion and the collar of his turtleneck, even more when Dongsik’s hand disappears into his hair, fingers tangling in the dark strands.
“I wasn’t expecting your mouth to work so wonderfully, Inspector Han Juwon.”, remarks Dongsik feverishly, enjoying whatever Juwon is doing to him. For him.
Juwon shoots back with a sharp glance at the mention of his rank, his expression tightening for a moment.
Don’t bring honorifics here.
Juwon accelerates his rhythm, shoving his face deeper until Dongsik’s tip hits his uvula, making him almost choke. He despises how much he enjoys the sensation of Dongsik’s cock pounding inside his mouth in such obscene detail. He remains in this position for seconds, as if calibrating every one of his mouth for him. His hands brace against Dongsik’s bare hips as he repeats the motion with less hesitation.
Dongsik almost loses himself from Juwon’s boldness, able to do nothing but melt like ice under the blazing sun. Instinctively, he tugs harder Juwon’s hair, seeking for more friction as he feels his release drawing near. Juwon senses it and pulls back at the right time.
“Not now. I’m not done with you yet”, he states firmly, pressing a light kiss on the cotton-dried lips of Dongsik.
He throws this damned turtleneck that has been itching at his skin, offering Dongsik a perfect view of his sculpted body. Dongsik simply stares, torn between the need to jerk himself and curiosity about whatever Juwon plans to do. He barely has time to choose that Juwon grabs him by the wrist and drags him off the couch. They narrowly dodges the coffee table, Dongsik’s shirt falling on the ground. Their steps tangle together like a disoriented waltz, only eight paces separating them from the bed.
Juwon places his hand against the bare chest of Dongsik, silently inviting him to lie down on the mattress, its sheets freshly washed. Juwon strips off his pants, leaving only his white branded underwear hiding nothing from his crotch twitching hard. Then he sits between Dongsik’s muscular tights.
“You’re driving me crazy Dongsik. Crazy. Do you hear me?”, complains Juwon, half exasperated, his smooth chest nearly touching Dongsik’s, as if they might merge into one being.
“I know it. And I also know you love this side of me“, Dongsik replies with this same insufferable smirk, “but right now, you’re the one acting like a villain…bullying that elderly citizen in a vulnerable state”
A jolt of lust and slight anger only worsens his erection, a few inches away from Dongsik’s waiting for some special treatment. A special treatment Juwon refuses, for now, to give to him, still holding a grudge over his long time of yearning that kept pestering his life, but also for himself by not touching his own cock as a way to increase his outcome.
Instead, he crushes his body on Dongsik’s, forcing him to lean totally on the mattress.
“You’re the one who started all of this.”, Juwon snaps as he spreads Dongsik’s legs, laying bare his hole twitching and tightening at the touch of cool air, along with the curve of his plush ass cheeks, “You should take responsibility”.
Juwon lands a rash and sloppy kiss while fumbling for the nightstand beside the bed and finally reaching the ring-shaped handle by touching. Inside the drawer, various items, better suited for personal use than professional purposes, are neatly arranged. More precisely, a bottle of lubricant, three types of various lengths of dildos, a few condoms and a pair of handcuffs.
Dongsik caught a glimpse of it.
“Wow. How many times have you used all of these? I didn’t know you were so horny Juwon-ah.”
“How many times have you jerked off thinking of me filling that slutty hole of yours?”, he shoots back, dodging the question with a rhetorical one, perfectly aware that Dongsik never got over him as he gathers the necessary supplies.
“Uh- Enough to lose count”, he surrenders, turned on by Juwon’s nasty provocation.
Juwon answers by uncapping the bottle and coating his left index of a generous layer of lube. He moves forward between Dongsik, ready to explore further. Some of the liquid drips onto the sheets as his finger falls right in front of Dongsik’s rim, already squishing.
“Don’t test me”.
The quick smirk of Dongsik vanishes right after Juwon’s first knuckle slips inside him. Juwon notices it and he leans closer, laying a kiss on his hand in an attempt to soothe the sting. After all, Juwon still cares for his well-being. It somehow works as Dongsik relaxes slightly for Juwon to continue, slowly circling his finger against his inner walls.
“It hurts ?”
“No, it’s fine”
Well, it stings like hell but Dongsik has enough pride as a middle-age man to shut down his complaint for himself. Juwon nods, applying a little more of strength, the obscene sounds of this finger-fucking growing louder as he adds another finger.
“Mmh- Juwon-ah you sure know…what you’re doing.”, he compliments, arching into the touch shamelessly.
Juwon’s actions speak for himself. He scissors Dongsik’s rim impetuously while his free hand finds its way elsewhere, until Dongsik’s arousal, providing him enough stimulation to keep him thoroughly distracted.
“Where have you learned all this ? Certainly not from me-“
Juwon’s movements halt for a second as he glares at Dongsik’s reddened face, damp locks clinging to it.
What kind of man asks so many questions at a time like this ?
“It seems like you care whether I slept with others while you were gone.”
A third digit makes his entrance in Dongsik and draws a loud reaction from him, his composure slipping for a moment.
“You- you didnt…oh keep going you’re doing fucking good”.,
“Why are you so sure about it?”, Juwon genuinely wonders, digging deeper into Dongsik until his fingers feel numb.
Dongsik drops back on his elbows, raising his hips in sync with Juwon’s welcomed intrusion. It had been a long time since he had felt this way. He barely registered Juwon’s question, yet somehow managed to answer properly.
“You wouldn’t give your body to just anyone to relieve yourself- ” Dongsik breathes out, another pant interrupts him, “ You’re stubborn, You’ve always been. The more something is out of your reach, the more determined you are to get it. In other words…”
You.
Touché. Dongsik knows him more than he knows himself. And Juwon concedes it. His stubborn obsession, bordering selfishness, had hurt both himself and the people around him more than once, with perhaps only Hyeok and Dongsik escaping the worst of it. He rubs his cheek and gives a begrudging nod, silently acknowledging Dongsik’s words.
“Right. I don’t think you’re exhausted enough to run your mouth like that. I should do something about that.”
Juwon pulls away, an obscene pop echoing through the room and releases his hold on Dongsik’s cock trickling of precu. Dongsik’s brows furrow in frustration as the stimulation disappears. His chest heavily rises and falls, trying to understand what game Juwon is up to. His annoyance quickly crumbles when he sees Juwon kick off his own underwear and let it fall to the floor alongside the rest of their discarded clothes. The outline of his neglected dick is unmistakable, springing upward instantly on his stomach, fluid spilling at the tipe. Dongsik’s mouth goes dry, wishing Juwon would shove it in his ass right now.
As though he heard his prayers, Juwon picks up the condom packet he had set aside earlier, his salacious attention still fixed on Dongsik. Thinking about it, Juwon is convinced that a body like Dongsik would have fascinated painters or sculptors from the Realist era. Not because he is perfect but rather because each of his lambs tells a perilous story, his broad shoulders worn from carrying such a heavy burden for decades. Enough to make Juwon want to honor it properly.
He tears the packaging with his nails and rolls its content down the length of his swollen manhood, giving out a wordless sigh as he struggles the urge to jerk off in front of Dongsik’s hole.
“I’m going to fuck you right there Dongsik.”
What could have been a punishment for the wasted time and his recklessness sounds in Dongsik’s ears like a delicious reward reserved just for him. He parts his leg as wide as he can, resting both of his sweaty hands on his knees for Juwon to fill him.
“Please do, Inspector Han Juwon”, he needles, loving how pissed Juwon is when he calls him by his grade.
And the provocation works. Juwon pours the lube onto himself, taking care to coat it correctly before positioning himself before Dongsik’s dilated ass. He eases his dick inside the ring as his other settles against his lower stomach.
Despite all the preparation Juwon had taken the time to do, Dongsik can’t entirely hide the sharp sting that crosses his face. After all, it had been a long time since he had shared that kind of intimacy with someone, or at least as the one receiving.
“Relax, I’m here” Juwon comforts him by patting his pelvic area to tone the pain down.
His lungs work through short and broken breaths as he makes his way depper, feeling the warmth welcoming his dick willingfully after Dongsik’s stiffness progressively falters. Ethereal. Absolutely breathtaking. Juwon stays still for Dongsik to collect himself beneath the stretch.
Only after Dongsik’s approval, his head resting against one of the pillows supporting him, does Juwon begin to move, hands anchored on Dongsik’s thighs as if he was polishing a precious vase, in stark contrast to the pulsing need to make Dongsik crawl of pleasure under him
“Juwon-ah…I wouldn’t mind if you picked up the pace-”, whimpers Dongsik, growing familiar with Juwon inside him more quickly than he had expected.
Once, not twice. Juwon drives forward erraticaly against Dongsik, matching the intensity of his own fervor. Wet sounds mingle with Dongsik’s guttural noises and muted soft moans under Juwon’s chin the more he hammers his walls shamelessly, mapping every ripple in Dongsik.
He lifts one of his legs and tucks it over his shoulder to change the angle, leaning forward until his forehead brushes against Dongsik’s. The scent of his shampoo blends with the sweat of their intercouse rushes through his nostrils.
“Look how good my dick feels inside your slutty ass Dongsik.”, Juwon hums, giving in to a far more horny register than he used to have.
Undone, Dongsik reaches out for his own thruming dick only for Juwon to intercept him with a stronger thrust than the others, sending a fierce thrilling palpitation through him. His vision blurs, scattered with countless specks of light. Juwon keeps going as he smooches Dongsik’s forehead, paying no mind to the salty drool.
“J-Juwon…More…please”, beseeches Dongsik, thrusting toward him vigourisouly.
Juwon can’t supress his delight at hearing Dongsik ask for him. In one smooth motion, he lets go of his leg and turns him onto his stomach, contemplating the line of his still-muscular spine with a fingertip.
With his cheek against the dmap pillow, Dongsik pants through his mouth, embarrassed by being manhandled so easily by a man 13 years younger than him, although the thought is strangely refreshing ass up in the air and back arched like a cat stretching in the morning. The prominent vein along his dick against the sheets, worsening his desperate need for release while Juwon continues to drive into him again and again.
“Dongsik, do you have any idea how long I dreamed of doing this with you…”, Juwon bangs roughly against the same spot as he lowers his lips to the nape of Dongsik’s neck, “How much i missed you for these past two years…”, he slammed again, trailing down a kiss on Dongsik’s spine all the way to his back.
His body burns as arduously as Dongsik’s. His moistened hands grip Dongsik’s rounded hip, imprinting red stains on his skin as he thrusts without stopping. The climax builds higher and higer, both of them sighing languidly as their rhythm descends into complete chaos. Dongsik’s cock rubs insistenly against the mattress, waves of spasms taking over his body as Juwon frees his hands and pulls his arms back slightly.
“Oh…fuck…Juwon-ah…you..ruthless..punk”, he swears incoherently, feeling himself come closer to the edge with every passing second.
Juwon ignores the weak insult, too focused on guiding Dongsik on his thighs, l’obligeant à straddling his cock. Dongsik nearly chokes, his seed splashing all over his stomach and the sheets.
That thug succeeded in making him cum without even touching his dick…
The back of his head finds refuge against Juwon’s shoulder until Juwon withdraws his dick to come into the condom breathless. They remain like that for a while, wrapped in the lulling of the rain tapping against the large windows. After all this time spent circling and chasing, they fucked. And it feels so good, almost forbidden.
Juwon removes the used condom filled with his semen, careful not to drop any more dirt on his bed and throws it in a bin near the bathroom. Dongsik falls on the mattress, unbothered by his own fluid on his stomach as he watches closely Juwon’s bare ass over there.
“Is Inspector Han Juwon-ah pleased with this old man's performance ?”
“Don’t you think I’ve forgiven you already. Now get up. The sheets must be changed.” Juwon glares at him from the glass wall of the walk-in shower, hot watter running down his hair.
“Right, right understood”, acquiesces Dongsik, doing the exact opposite of what he was told, dragging his aching body toward the bathroom where he slips into the shower.
“What are you doing here ?”, Juwon asks, roughly scraping his hair with keratin shampoo.
“Begging for your mercy.”, Dongsik replies earnestly, his back easing under the water as he leans in to lay a soft smooch to Juwon’s cheek, still covered in foam.
Juwon doesn’t step back, nor resist, allowing him to hold him as long as he wants.
“Clean yourself up at least. You reek.”, mutters, running his fingers through Dongsik’s strands of hair.
Long hair suits you.
“Must be someone’s doing.”, Dongsik answers, his drowsy head against Juwon’s chest, calmed by the steady circular motion of his hand.
Juwon huffs. It has been so long since he felt his heart this light. No longer caged within the four walls of his solitude. Now beside Dongsik, those walls no longer feel quite as narrow.