Chapter Text
to the believers of the “there’s only one bed” trope, accidental honeymoons,
and people who look at their worst enemy and think: “fine, but only for ten days.”♡
They say being born under a lucky star is about as rare as winning the lottery jackpot twice in a single lifetime. Well, maybe on the exact day Donghyuck was born, the higher powers got so utterly shit-faced that during a game of billiards with the planets, not only did Earth get knocked clean out of orbit, but the stars lined up all wrong too. After all, why would anything go smoothly on the day his mother went into labor?
Okay, maybe the previous sentence was a bit of an exaggeration, seeing as his twin sister, who was born nearly half an hour before him, had absolutely no trouble during the delivery. That was exactly what he was getting at when he hinted that he had no luck in anything. Even at their birth, he was the last one to scramble out of their mother, and his sister rubbed that in his face every chance she got, as if it were actually something worth bragging about twenty-six years down the line. Right now, Donghyuck’s head was so swollen with frustration that if cartoon effects were real, steam would already be pouring from his ears while a fire truck tore down the street at a hundred and fifty kilometers per hour.
To go back to that complication-free delivery, it only lasted until the moment his sister was born. Donghyuck had the immense “good fortune” of having to be pushed back in by his head because the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. Just like that, the smooth delivery instantly turned into an emergency C-section, and they certainly had a hell of a time with him.
At family gatherings, which happened maybe twice a year at best, his parents always loved to bring up how, out of all his siblings, he was the one who caused everyone the most headaches. In those moments, Donghyuck would just say a silent prayer that someone would drop a topic that made everyone want to start arguing, finally diverting the attention away from his endless streak of misfortune. It was his only real chance to slip away unnoticed into the garden, margarita in hand.
So, if anyone knew some famous director at Netflix looking to shoot the movie or series of a lifetime, Donghyuck would gladly sign up for the role. At the very least, the streak of misfortune ruling his life was easily worth a blockbuster hit, the kind that would let him peacefully live out the rest of his days on a beach somewhere in the world. Especially since his job had recently fired him for something he had absolutely nothing to do with.
So now you get what he meant when he said he had no luck at all, don’t you?
To make the situation even more comical, it was the second week of June. Donghyuck’s birthday had only just passed, which honestly deserved a whole separate story about how his cake somehow exploded right in his face, and this weekend was his twin sister’s wedding. And who was granted the ultimate honor of serving as the witness on this big day, managing the schedule to ensure everything was exactly where it needed to be? Naturally, that person was Donghyuck. It had always been his dream to fill the role one day. Except it hadn’t, his sister had practically crawled on her knees begging him to take it because her best friends somehow didn’t feel mature enough for that kind of responsibility. Instead of just admitting the truth, that they only remained bridesmaids so they could enjoy the free champagne without a single care in the world.
Later on, this whole “free” thing would make sense too.
Even now, Donghyuck was pacing back and forth at Lowndes Grove, the designated wedding venue, because his twin sister had declared on the day she got engaged that she wanted to say “I do” by the waterfront in Harleston Village in the evening. He clearly remembered laughing right in her face. Mostly because he had thought it was completely impossible for an offer providing a free wedding to just drop into her lap out of nowhere.
But of course, his sister wouldn’t be Lee Sungyeon if she didn’t get lucky even in this department. Donghyuck would probably have to pay the full price out of his own pocket for a wedding that Sungyeon spent fifty bucks on at most. And even that was solely the cost of the local priest, used to convince him to take on only her wedding that day. At first, Donghyuck didn’t understand why a priest had to be so money-hungry, but he shrugged it off, assuming they probably just didn’t pay him enough.
In hindsight, could Donghyuck actually charge his sister for dumping every single burden onto his shoulders? Sure, it’s a wedding, and usually the setup is that the bride doesn’t worry about a thing while someone else gets the headache instead. But if there are tasks that a designated professional could handle much better, then it shouldn’t be cutting corners. In any case, it didn’t matter a bit anymore, because Donghyuck truly wasn’t just a witness, but the so-called master of ceremonies as well. Hooray!
“I can’t believe your coupons couldn’t even cover a master of ceremonies who actually knows what they’re doing,” Donghyuck barged into the wing of the house where his sister was getting ready with the rest of the bridesmaids. The latter flock of girls shrieked loudly as they threw on their velvet-red robes, leaving him to do nothing but roll his eyes. “Seriously, you’re acting like I haven’t seen you all like this a bunch of times already.”
“I think you’re doing a great job, little bro. It was easier to save that guy’s fee on you than to strain my fingers clipping five more coupons,” Sungyeon said, pulling her hand in front of her to closely inspect her freshly polished nails. “Put the butterfly on the other nail instead.”
“Hello, it took me almost an hour to count all the bouquets, including every single flower woven into them,” Donghyuck continued to complain about the to-do list he didn’t even dare think about. “The porter and I actually thought we’d miss the start of the wedding. We even agreed that out of the female half of all the couples who’ve ever married here, you are the most terrible. You’re a real bridezilla!”
“And did you two also discuss how those brides would give their right arm to have a fancy wedding like this, practically for free?”
“Seriously, if luck ever sides with me and I get married, but I start acting like this, please just strike me dead,” Donghyuck threw his head back, groaning in horror out loud in the armchair he had just flopped into. “That list you handed me last night, some people would consider it completely excessive.”
“And some people would have hired a planner specifically for this, someone who, if they charged an hourly rate, could make half the cost of the wedding right here. Just for checking a few things…”
“A few things?” Donghyuck laughed in disbelief.
He really couldn’t believe that Sungyeon considered everything she had written on that paper as just “a few items.” Rolling his eyes, Donghyuck reached into his back pocket where he kept the crumpled note, unfolding it before placing it on the glass coffee table in front of his twin sister.
Written in beautiful, massive letters was “Donghyuck’s To-Do List for Sungyeon’s Big Day,” followed by a total of eighty items, out of which he’d maybe managed to check off twenty so far. If that really counted as just a few things to someone, Donghyuck would gladly hand over his spot so he could peacefully enjoy the company of the margarita bottles reserved specifically for him.
“I thought you’d get a bit more done during this time, little bro…”
“You’ve got to be kidding me right now,” he questioned, biting down hard on his lower lip to stop himself before he could say something he’d regret. “This is a job for at least two people, not one! And anyway, who even writes down a requirement to check if the carpet is wrinkle- and footprint-free before the wedding starts?”
“I think it’s perfectly reasonable that I don’t want to trip over an unnoticed wrinkle on my wedding day,” Sungyeon shrugged.
“You are so annoying! I don’t even understand how Hyungwon can tolerate you,” Donghyuck muttered increasingly under his breath, stepping over to the champagne table to pour himself a drink. “Even two chill pills wouldn’t be enough for my nervous system when it comes to you.”
To make it clear to everyone why Donghyuck was so fed up, here is a brief explanation. Last night, his sister hadn’t just handed him a list of what needed to be done today. Sungyeon had prepared one for every key participant, even for her bridesmaids, whom she was also saving money on. Their job was simply to fix Sungyeon’s and each other’s hair, paint her nails nicely, and do their makeup flawlessly. What’s more, even their mother got a task, which only meant sitting there and tasting every single champagne.
But she hadn’t spared Donghyuck at all. He really had to handle a lot of things skillfully on his own, since he couldn’t turn to any outside help if he got stuck. And that was exactly why he complained that the tasks assigned to him required at least two people. After all, he had just walked into the room, as if to make sure Sungyeon heard him clearly enough, stating that simply counting the flowers assigned to him took an hour, even with help. And he hadn’t even mentioned things like checking the chocolate fountain to see if it was flowing at the right speed.
“Our parents didn’t eat painkillers like candy because of me,” Sungyeon blew on her nails, reminding Donghyuck of how difficult he had been as a kid.
And so it begins…
Donghyuck had to count to ten and take a deep breath before exploding. Of course his sister was so chill that she still had plenty of energy to insult him. Donghyuck didn’t wish anything bad only because, with his luck, even that would backfire and he’d end up paying the price. So no matter how hard it was, for once he had no choice but to put a good face on everything and pray that the whole wedding would be over as soon as possible.
Returning to the free stuff and how organizing the wedding only took fifty dollars. Donghyuck and his family weren’t in such a bad position that they couldn’t afford the kind of wedding everyone was currently working themselves to the bone for. He only put it that way because he didn’t want to get the short end of the stick here either. In reality, Donghyuck’s sister could easily pay for a much more expensive wedding if she really wanted to. But she staunchly believed that if something could be handled without spending a single dollar, you had to take advantage of it. So, that’s where the question of luck comes into play.
On the day they were born, Donghyuck wasn’t granted the same honor as Sungyeon, of being kissed on the forehead by Fortuna, the goddess of luck. No matter what he did, Donghyuck could only watch these moments with envy. His life wasn’t exactly accompanied by victory at every turn. He wasn’t lucky enough to win anything in the raffle at the elementary school carnival, where his sister always pocketed the biggest prizes. Even when they queued up for online ticket sales for their favorite bands’ concerts, Sungyeon would somehow snag a ticket right next to the stage for the cheapest price. Meanwhile, Donghyuck, even in the best-case scenario, only got a ticket by checking various Twitter posts, buying them for twice as much as they originally cost.
And Donghyuck could easily go on all day listing how his twin sister got a year of free beer. Or how she ate for free for a month at their favorite restaurant when her name was drawn from an oily hairnet. Yet, perhaps one of her biggest prizes was when she won her first car during a call-in show where you had to guess riddles. But Donghyuck shouldn’t let jealousy eat him up, right?
And he hadn’t even mentioned relationships. His sister had barely stumbled into the man who would officially become her husband today, but after six months of dating, Hyungwon already proposed his siter. The moment he dropped the proposal, Sungyeon frantically started searching, dedicating most of her time to how she could pull off a luxury wedding without paying a lot for it.
That was why Donghyuck sometimes remarked out loud to his twin that if they made an Olympic event out of how to get away with things without spending a ton of money, she would always come home every four years with a gold medal around her neck.
Maybe that was why it wasn’t particularly shocking for the family when they received the wedding invitations made of recycled paper. The assembly and design of which had also been Donghyuck’s task, so in his mind, he could just as well check off another item on his to-do list.
And as for how they managed to arrange for the big day to be completely free, right in Harleston Village? Donghyuck remembered that exactly. And now, everyone might be expecting a punchy story to come out of all this, but not quite. The reality was that six months after the proposal and the venue hunting, Hyungwon’s maternal great-grandmother passed away, who used to be the former mistress of the current Charleston mayor’s great-grandfather. Naturally, the two old folks had stayed in close contact even after that, so it was an honor for the mayor to host the wedding for the family of such a special person.
If Donghyuck had been granted such an honor, in his case, it would have been written off as a scandal instead, and everyone would be asking him to call off the big day. But he wasn’t feeling sorry for himself, because he was happy that his sister was experiencing her dream wedding with the person she loved with all her heart. It was just that at times like this, he imagined himself in Sungyeon’s shoes, which ended up coming out a bit strange.
“Instead of nagging me on this wonderful day, why don’t you just go put on your sequined, sparkle-pony-puked-on, freedress?” Donghyuck emphasized the second-to-last word, making it clear that his sister should have put more energy into getting ready.
As a show of his love, Donghyuck was even willing to take down the mermaid-style wedding dress from the hanger. He had barely touched it with a single finger when, from behind him, Sungyeon and one of her best friends, Camilla, shrieked in unison, telling him not to even touch it.
“Hyuck, I think you should leave my dress to the girls,” his twin offered some well-meaning advice once Donghyuck’s ears stopped ringing so loudly from the screaming. “Knowing you, you take one step and the side seam rips. Even though there’s an emergency sewing kit, I’d rather not risk it.”
“You’re right, Sun! This way I have less to worry about kicking the bucket in shiny sequins before my time...”
Donghyuck didn’t bother arguing about how many times that dress had probably been re-stitched before his sister found it.
However, so Donghyuck wouldn’t just constantly praise his sister and endlessly go on about the lucky streaks she’d had regarding certain things, it was time to talk more seriously about himself too.
It was far from a secret that Donghyuck wasn’t swimming in luck, since he had never once found a four-leaf clover in his life. But when they were at a Harry Potter-themed exhibition with his family and he wanted to see the Gryffindor common room, the woman dressed as the Fat Lady refused to let him in. No matter how many times he correctly said the password “Fortuna Major,” the girl turned Donghyuck away every single time, arguing that it was in her contract that he couldn’t let Slytherin students pass. And this was just a Harry Potter exhibition, where a fake Sorting Hat randomly assigned everyone to a house. Naturally, it was only years later that it dawned on Donghyuck that the dickhead had tried to snub his twelve-year-old self like that just because she didn’t like him for some reason.
During an elementary school field trip to the zoo, Donghyuck was well aware that feeding the animals was strictly forbidden. As was only proper, he kept a wide berth from them, but a few of his idiot classmates who loved breaking the rules pinned one of their pranks on him. While no major trouble came of it, it still wasn’t a pleasant experience for Donghyuck to spend the ride home sitting in the very front row of the bus next to his teacher, listening to a lecture the length of a litany on how to behave properly at a zoo. The only thing shittier than that was when the school principal called him in, along with his parents, to report the incident. Now it makes sense why everyone says he caused the family so many headaches, right?
But he shouldn’t forget about last week’s birthday either. Even though Donghyuck and Sungyeon were twins, his sister never once agreed to share a single cake. Yes, for once, his sister had no intention of saving money on this, or sharing for that matter. Anyway, they both got a candle on their cakes that Donghyuck only referred to as fireworks, because when lit, it looked exactly like one. Naively, he thought it had burned out and he could start cutting the cake to his heart’s content. The surprise, however, was that Donghyuck had barely sliced into it with the knife when it exploded right then and there. It was as if the blade itself were the button of a time bomb. As a side note, the candle hit him straight in the forehead, and the resulting bump was still clearly visible. It was totally worth covering with his hair every time he went out in public.
“Oh, honey! You look so beautiful,” their mother said, walking into the bridal suite and taking the champagne glass right out of her son’s hand. Donghyuck could check off yet another non-existent item on his list: his mother drinking all the champagne without a second thought. “Hyuckie, the master of ceremonies isn’t allowed to drink until the end of the party.”
“Fuuuuuck!” He swore loudly, throwing his head back toward the ceiling, seeing that this was his only chance to release the tension.
“And watch how you speak! You inherited your father’s behavior in that regard,” their mother said, taking a seat in one of the empty armchairs and crossing her legs. “I can’t even believe my dear little girl is becoming a wife today.”
Tears welled up in the woman’s eyes without question, which made Donghyuck’s stomach start to churn without question. Even some long-successful Broadway actors would envy those fake tears.
As for his parents’ relationship, it was best not to mention it at all. It was enough to know that whenever his mother had a message for his other parent, Donghyuck was usually the carrier pigeon running back and forth between them.
“Mom, if I can’t swear and you even took the champagne out of my hand, how exactly do you expect me not to lose my mind?” Donghyuck took another deep breath before a whole new stream of curses could escape his lips.
“I don’t know, son, look it up on the internet. Plenty of psychologists have already backed up the fact that those aren’t necessarily the only two options for releasing negative energy.”
Negative energy, huh? Donghyuck felt like his mother hadn’t just consumed champagne, but that other things that didn’t belong there had also found their way into her system. But sure, he was the one who had to watch how he behaved in front of the rest of the relatives at a wedding. Comical.
“I have no idea where I’d be without you and your various bits of life advice,” Donghyuck rolled his eyes, leaning against the champagne table. It was time for another prayer that the table wouldn’t collapse under the weight of this feather.
“Hyuck, I think you should go get changed too. If you show up next to me as my witness looking like that, I’ll deny you’re my twin brother for the rest of my life.”
“For once, that’s something I’d love to see you do, considering we share the exact same facial features.”
“Don’t forget, little brother, that I was born half an hour earlier, and I could lie to a plastic surgery magazine without blinking, saying you were jealous of my features.”
“That would be the first real lie you’d actually bother putting any serious energy into.”
Would it actually kill Sungyeon for once not to rub it in his face that she was born half an hour earlier? What surprised Donghyuck even more was that it hadn’t crossed his sister’s mind yet to brag in front of others that at the moment of their birth, she was the one who weighed the most. Though the only reason this hadn’t happened so far was because his sister had worked incredibly hard for her current figure and to fit into her wedding dress today. It might shock everyone, but she achieved even this by walking two hours a day on a free treadmill, stuffing her face with her favorite vanilla ice cream.
With a sarcastic salute and not exactly jumping for joy, Donghyuck casually snatched the carefully wrapped outfit off the bathroom door. Another shocking fact incoming: his sister had somehow scored this one for free, too. He decided not to ask where it actually came from. Though maybe Donghyuck should have done just that, because then he still would have had time to protest. Unlike now, when it’s far too late for regrets… or to curse the tailor straight down to the darkest depths of hell.
“Lee Sungyeon, what the absolute fuck is this supposed to be?” Donghyuck yanked hard on the bathroom door, which was a total miracle it was even still on its hinges.
On a side note, he was already waiting for his mother to scold him for swearing. But at first glance, Donghyuck would say that she, too, was trying to keep from laughing as everyone examined him more closely in the mirror outside.
Yes, the overall picture was horrifying.
After all, who the hell wanted to strut through a wedding in a shirt that didn’t button up like normal clothes, but instead required you to stuff your head through the neck hole? And that was nothing, because there was a gaping cutout on the back, which the suit jacket mostly covered, but that was cold comfort for Donghyuck. The absolute worst part, though, was the inner padding, which added a whole extra size to his chest. As a man, were they going to ask him to wear a bra with it next?
The lights outside made the whole thing even worse. “I look like one of those guys who perform at the local club!”
“Exactly, Hyuckie!” Camila cheered, clapping her hands like a kindergartener. “It’s about time someone broke you in and filled you up with some goodies.”
Donghyuck was utterly appalled by the comment, and even his mother cleared her throat disapprovingly. Perhaps no one would dwell on it, as long as he didn’t suddenly launch into a long explanation about how on earth he knew exactly what the people who dress up as drag queens every day wear at the local club. But if he had actually thought to check what the outfit looked like beforehand, he would never have let Seungyeon bring it home from the kind of place that sold things like that. Donghyuck could bet his life on the fact that the people wouldn’t just stumble upon something like this at a clearance sale in a normal bridal salon.
“Don’t you think I’m just going to embarrass you even more in front of all the guests?” he gestured down the length of his outfit, which, unfortunately, also happened to have sequins on it.
When his twin sister asked what kind of outfit he wanted for the wedding, he had completely ruled out anything sparkly. Donghyuck just hadn’t expected that sequins wouldn’t be included under that umbrella term. In any case, he could pretty much forget about not suffocating in a mountain of glittering embellishments. In his mind’s eye, he could already see the six o’clock news running his “tragic” death as the lead story, finally earning him his five minutes of fame. Brr, the mere thought sent a shiver down Donghyuck’s spine.
“Where did you even manage to get your hands on this outfit?” Donghyuck cast one final glance at the clothes. The back was still cut out, and the front still let his collarbones peek through. To top it off, the chest area created a push-up effect that would make any random guy think he was there to provide “extra services” to lonely souls at the wedding.
“The Stonewall Inn in New York closed down because the police raided them for giving out free weed to minors. This outfit, for instance, was the main attraction of their last drag queen show, and then it was sold off as part of a raffle,” Sungyeon explained, beaming with so much joy it looked like she had truly made the deal of a lifetime. “If it’s any consolation, little brother, your outfit wasn’t the only thing I scored from there. The bridesmaids’ dresses are from the same place, too.”
“You do know you could have gotten a normal suit and shirt from somewhere else using those unique methods of yours, right? I’d look better even in sweatpants!”
“Stop being such a drama queen, Hyuckie! If I were a guy and gay, I’d bend you over without a second thought,” Alison smacked Donghyuck right on the ass. “Wow, with how firm it is, that actually sounds pretty good.”
That comment only made Donghyuck feel even more awkward, and he wanted nothing more than to bolt all the way home to find a last-minute suit. Alison happened to be one of the few people who was incredibly close not just with his sister, but with him too. Still, for once, Donghyuck would give anything if he didn’t have to be stuck right in the section of the suite meant for the bride and her bridesmaids. But as the witness and the person who had the most dumped on his shoulders, of course the bride needed him. Up until now, Sungyeon hadn’t really asked for his help with anything, since she had her ten bridesmaids for all of that. Talk about not going overboard at all, but hey, no big deal.
He turned back toward the mirror, hoping that in the last two minutes he’d somehow reached the stage of accepting the outfit and his reflection. Instead, Donghyuck’s stomach started to churn, and he was genuinely afraid that the seafood he’d eaten earlier would end up all over his clothes. Mind you, throwing up on it might actually be a massive improvement at this point, but even that wouldn’t convince him to wear it. Especially since up until this very moment, he’d had unwavering faith in his sister’s good taste, as her styling choices had never been an issue before. But after this, Donghyuck was definitely going to seek style and fashion advice from someone else, because he had officially lost every last shred of faith in Sungyeon.
“Stop making such a fuss, Donghyuck! It might not be the outfit of your dreams, but look at it this way, it highlights your collarbones beautifully. Right, Mom?” Sungyeon turned toward their mother, who was reaching for yet another glass of champagne.
“Cold comfort when everyone but me is going to be dressed normally,” Donghyuck grumbled under his breath again, opting to step away from the mirror. The longer he stared at himself, the more he regretted even coming to this wedding in the first place.
“I’m actually jealous of how those pants highlight your butt so firmly. It reminds me exactly of when I was young and my skin wasn’t all sagging like it is now,” their mother sniffled loudly, though a few crocodile tears still managed to roll down her cheeks. “And look at it now, marriage to your father ruined everything!”
“Oh, Mom, don’t cry! The tears are going to ruin your gorgeous makeup, and there’s barely any time to redo it!” his sister pattered over to their mother in her towering heels, immediately fanning her face with her hands.
Donghyuck rolled his eyes and walked over to the door, since amid all the loud shrieking, no one else noticed someone was knocking. Though he would have gladly pulled a sack over his head before opening the door to anyone, it didn’t matter; he just had to accept his fate that he was going to give a speech in front of everyone looking like this. Plus, maybe the one positive thing about the whole situation was that he didn’t have to listen to his mother’s theatrics about how her marriage to his father had gone down the drain ten years ago. Donghyuck felt more like he was filming some reality show and the wedding was just a scene, rather than the sad reality. Except he wasn’t getting paid a single dime for this.
He had to count to three just to make sure he really wanted to open the door. He had no idea who to expect on the other side, which was exactly why he needed to mentally prepare for someone laughing right in his face any second now.
At first, Donghyuck had no intention of opening the door all the way and welcoming the newcomer inside. It had been more than enough when his sister’s friends greeted him by screaming like someone was being slaughtered in a horror movie. With simple elegance, he just poked his head out, giving himself a chance to decide whether he actually dared to show himself to the uninvited guest in this porn outfit or not. Instead, his eyes met Jaemin’s, who was gay just like Donghyuck, except nobody had allowed him to get ready in the bridal suite. So the guy, who was two months his junior, had been forced to “enjoy” the company of the other men. Yet it would be a massive relief for Donghyuck if he didn’t have to endure this entire situation all on his own.
“You aren’t wearing a disgusting outfit!” Donghyuck scanned the pink-haired boy from head to toe. “Not a sequin in sight, no diamonds, not a single piece of sparkly stuff.”
He was starting to accept that, naturally, he was once again the only one who couldn’t catch a single break today.
“Yeah, because this is a wedding, my love! I’d outshine the bride and get chased along the banks of the Ashley River by a torch-bearing mob,” Jaemin laughed, loosening his tie. “Let me see this amazing outfit of yours.”
“Yes, Donghyuck! Show Jaemin what a great outfit your twin sister picked out for you!” Camila shouted from the back. Donghyuck didn’t even have to guess to know that she was grinning from ear to ear.
“You dare laugh, and I’ll turn you inside out by your asshole,” he threatened the younger guy with narrowed eyes.
Donghyuck only opened the door once he saw that Jaemin had taken the threat seriously and wasn’t about to laugh. He silently hoped that no one else would suddenly pop up out of nowhere in front of the suite. Yet, the moment he let Jaemin get a proper look at the outfit, a whirlwind of mixed emotions washed over the younger guy’s face. It was obvious he was trying his absolute best to show even a shred of sympathy, knowing full well that Donghyuck absolutely loathed anything with sequins.
“I know…” Donghyuck sighed, resigned to his fate, crossing his arms over his chest to try and cover himself up a bit. But thanks to the push-up padding, even his nonexistent breasts were getting squeezed together. He absolutely loathed it! “It’s a little too…”
“Tight?”
“That too, but that’s not quite it…”
“Sparkly?”
“Like I’ve been thrown up on by a glitter-dick llama, but still…”
“Pornstarish?”
“Don’t you dare let that word cross your lips ever again,” he hissed through his grit teeth, opening the door wider to let Jaemin inside.
“I don’t mean to offend you, sweetie, but the queer guys working at the Stonewall Inn wear pretty much the exact same outfit,” Jaemin remarked loudly, stepping over to the table to swipe an unopened bottle of champagne.
“And how on earth do you know what they wear there?” Donghyuck shot the question right back at him, after finally managing to throw the suit jacket over himself.
“Before you go implying I was there the night before they shut it down, that’s completely untrue,” Jaemin immediately defended himself, shutting down any chance for Donghyuck to think he’d secretly become a drag queen behind his back. “The nightly news loves to show every single detail, and it was only because the assistant manager launched a giveaway for the outfits.”
Donghyuck wasn’t in the least bit reassured by how well-versed Jaemin seemed to be in the origins of his outfit. If anything, it sent him into a tailspin, conjuring up vivid nightmares where every other guest at the wedding would be just as clued in. The last thing he needed in his life was to step up to the altar only to be bombarded by questions about what he knew regarding the Stonewall Inn scandal. It would be a total nightmare to be dragged into some public mess completely against his will. Then again, considering the sheer amount of “luck” Donghyuck had been blessed with throughout his life, it wouldn’t even be all that shocking.
After Jaemin had seen with his own eyes the absolute madness reigning in the suite designated for the opposite sex, Donghyuck was certain he didn’t regret a thing about being gay, even if it meant being stuck with the cishet men. He briefly wondered if there might be a spare suit hidden somewhere in case of a wardrobe malfunction, but immediately shot down the idea. He was, after all, the only man in the bunch with enough brain cells to pack extras. Based on Jaemin’s earlier texts, the “Neanderthal wing” was a complete zoo, and Donghyuck was doing his best to keep his distance. He figured he might as well make peace with the outfit he was stuck in.
“Anyway, I actually came here to help with your makeup,” Jaemin said, taking a massive gulp of champagne before adding, “but that’d be a total waste of my time, since I can guarantee that no one is going to be looking at your face.”
“No victim blaming, Jaemin,” Donghyuck’s mother chimed in, which hit her son like a sudden shock. Who would have ever thought that today, of all days, his mother would actually come to his defense?
Regardless, Donghyuck let out a bold little whimper toward the ceiling, wondering what on earth he had done to deserve being taken under Apate’s wing the moment he was born. Suddenly, his eighty-item to-do list popped into his head, and at this point, he would have gladly tackled every single one of those tasks just to avoid being in the spotlight. Oh, if only to God that they would shove him into the background during the photoshoot under the pretense that there’s no room for a clown in the frame. Honestly, if that’s what it would take for Donghyuck to escape this unscathed, he would be nothing short of grateful.
“Hey lil’ bro, did you happen to run into Dad today while you were busy checking off your list?”
“Don’t worry, Sun, he’s out by the ceremony site, puffing away,” Donghyuck replied with a pained nod.
“Good! Still, if you happen to run into him again, could you please remind him to wear some cologne? It really wouldn’t be ideal for that heavy stench of cigarette smoke to cling to my beautiful wedding dress.”
Donghyuck suddenly had to check his list again, just to be sure there wasn’t a hidden item about using a leaf blower to get rid of unwanted odors. Thankfully, no—Sungyeon hadn’t thought to sneak that one on there yet. But honestly, he couldn’t even say how he’d react if he saw another twenty tasks pop up out of nowhere. One thing was certain: it would give him the perfect excuse to skip the wedding altogether, which, at this point, would be nothing short of a godsend.
Within a heartbeat, the air grew thick with a stifling cocktail of hairspray and competing perfumes, instantly stinging Donghyuck’s nostrils. It was just too much. Not a single girl had the common sense to crack a window, mostly because they were terrified that the inhabitants of the beehive in the nearby tree would decide to stage an invasion. Of course, this only came to light after Sungyeon had fought tooth and nail to secure this specific suite, all for the sake of its “divine lighting.” There was even a buried line item on Donghyuck’s list instructing him that if he happened to spot the gardener, he should somehow manipulate the man into knocking those buzzing nuisances out of the tree. And no, he was absolutely not doing his sister the favor of evicting an entire bee colony.
“I’m heading out to check if the food is all set and to see if they’ve prepped something separate for me,” Donghyuck said, frantically waving his hands in front of his face to clear the stifling cloud of perfume so he wouldn’t choke.
He didn’t have a vendetta against vegetarian food, but over the years, his family had never managed to convert him to the meat-free lifestyle. Mostly because he genuinely loved piling meat onto his meat, but his sister had put her foot down: she didn’t want to see so much as a shadow of a steak on her wedding day. So, he’d had to come up with a backup plan if he didn’t want to starve to death before the night was over. To his surprise, Sungyeon had been more than happy when he requested a seafood platter for himself. As far as that veggie stuff went, Donghyuck was convinced that a diet of nothing but plants would have him looking like a corpse in a morgue within hours.
“Hyuckie, while you’re at it, do me a favor and double-check if Hyungwon actually ordered that lean chicken for Mark,” Sungyeon shouted after him.
Naturally, because Mark Lee is apparently the only one allowed to eat actual meat on his brother’s “big day.” Especially rich, considering everyone is eating from the exact same buffet.
The mere mention of Mark Lee killed the conversation stone dead in an instant. The bridesmaids stopped their giggling, Jaemin froze with his glass halfway to his lips, and even Donghyuck’s mother ceased her fanning. Every single pair of eyes in the room snapped toward Donghyuck, causing every muscle in his body to coil in sheer tension.
When it came to that subject, they had hit a nerve.
Donghyuck honestly didn’t have a problem with his sister’s fiancé, Hyungwon. It was a well-known fact that Hyungwon was a bit of a character—especially when any ball sport was on TV, at which point he’d lose his mind and start screaming at the screen. When he wasn’t doing that, he and Sungyeon were usually sweating it out at the gym. Donghyuck didn’t exactly vibe with the guy, who was five years his senior, but he was still a far better option than his younger brother, Mark. Still, as long as his twin sister was happy, nothing else mattered to Donghyuck.
While Donghyuck could hold a perfectly civil conversation with Hyungwon, he and Mark were like oil and water. He had zero desire to waste time on the guy, or even spare a single thought for him. It was enough to know that Mark was an absolute asshole who judged everyone and everything solely by their appearance.
Donghyuck felt the weight of every single gaze pinned on him, as if they were all just waiting for the exact moment he would finally snap. It was no secret to anyone that there was a thick, unspoken tension between the two of them, which Donghyuck categorized as nothing less than pure hatred. It really was that simple; there was no need to hunt for more complicated terms. Especially not the kind of flowery language that would likely make him gag. Still, since it was his twin sister’s big day and he was forced to play along, he turned back around with a forced, artificial smile plastered on his face.
“Maybe he’s afraid a fish bone will get lodged in his throat, or that all those veggies will turn him as green as Kermit the Frog?” Donghyuck retorted with his hands on his hips. The mental image actually managed to crack a genuine smile onto his face for once.
“No, it’s just that years ago he was put on a pretty strict diet. Chicken is actually off-limits for him too, but he refuses to give it up,” Sungyeon replied, smoothing out her dress in a few places to ensure not a single wrinkle remained.
“Of course, I’m expected to go a whole day without meat just because the rest of the family loses their minds at the mere sight of it,” he muttered, rolling his eyes as the blatant unfairness of it all sank in. “But when it comes to Mark Lee and his precious sensitive stomach, we all have to pretend that meat doesn’t even exist.”
“The chicken will be diced so finely you won’t even know it’s there,” his sister remarked, catching his gaze through the reflection in the mirror.
“I don’t know why we didn’t just hire him a private buffet and a personal chef while we were at it.”
Even though Mark wasn’t physically present in the suite, the mere mention of his name ignited a surge of contempt in Donghyuck that words couldn’t even begin to describe. He felt, quite strongly, that the entire planning of this wedding was fundamentally unfair. He had been forced to hunt for a workaround just to eat, all because the mere scent of meat supposedly made the family’s stomachs turn. Yet, the moment someone waved a doctor’s note around, that same family was suddenly happy to play along as if they were perfectly fine with meat being on the menu. To Donghyuck, this was nothing short of blatant, high-level hypocrisy.
“Donghyuck, please, just put your hatred aside for one single day,” Sungyeon pleaded, looking at him with an intensity he had never seen from her before. “Besides, you never know—you might actually get along.”
“Me, get along with that idiot?” Donghyuck let out a sharp, incredulous laugh that brought tears to his eyes. “That’s a good one. Even if we were the last two people on Earth, I’d still rather spend my time with literally anyone else.”
“Well, unfortunately, you aren’t getting out of talking to him!” she said, stabbing her finger at the second-to-last item on the list.
Review Mark Lee’s speech to make sure he doesn’t say anything embarrassing in those five minutes. If Donghyuck finds anything problematic, he is permitted to veto it (with strong justification required!)
The more Donghyuck read over those two sentences, the more the world seemed to spin around him. Was there any way to appeal this decision? He had absolutely no intention of running into Mark before the wedding started, yet somehow, someone had pulled the strings to make sure he couldn’t avoid it.
But wait—was there a possible loophole he could exploit after all?
“Could I just lie and say the whole thing was so cringe-worthy that he’s better off not even attending the wedding?” Donghyuck asked, his eyes gleaming with sudden, desperate hope.
“Read the last two words again! Your justification has to be rock-solid. Just hating him isn’t going to cut it,” she said, gently smoothing a stray lock of hair from her forehead. “Who knows? This conversation might go so well that you’ll end up asking him to help you finish the rest of the list.”
“I’d sooner ask the chef to poison my meal.”
“Donghyuck, be honest for once—why do you hate poor Mark so much?”
Oh, poor him? If anyone here deserves pity, it’s Donghyuck! “It’s only two words, Sun! He’s a shallow, control-freak asshole!”
“No matter how I count it, Hyuckie, that’s four words, not two,” Camile said, counting them off on her fingers. Let it go, the poor girl was never exactly known for her brain.
“Fine! I’m going to go check that damn speech!”
┈┈・ 🌺 ・┈┈
The door had barely clicked shut behind Donghyuck when he took a deep breath, savoring the fresh air of the hallway that, for once, wasn’t cloyingly thick with the suffocating scent of women’s perfume. He was also grateful for the sudden silence, a welcome relief after the bridesmaids’ collective scream at the sight of the wedding dress.
If Donghyuck had to describe what it felt like trying to get anything done in the company of a pack of girls, the only accurate comparison would be two elephants strangling each other with their trunks. Of course, there were exceptions, but Sungyeon’s friends could be absolutely insufferable at times.
Though it would be a massive lie to claim he was enjoying Mark Lee’s company for once—when just the mere thought of him was enough to make his stomach churn. As for that checklist, the part about Donghyuck having read it thoroughly wasn’t exactly true either. Because if he’d known about this in advance, he would have been done with it long ago. In fact, if he had the chance to go back in time, he would have definitely put it at the top of his list.
Then, as a possible way out, it crossed his mind that he could just pass the whole thing off to Jaemin. But right on cue, the voice of his twin sister popped into his head, reminding him that there was no way he could endure this for the rest of his life, because in just a few short hours, Mark Lee would be his brother-in-law.
And since this—still—reminded him that it was his sister’s wedding day, no matter how little he felt like doing anything, he still had to put on a good face. Especially since it truly made him happy that Sungyeon had found someone to whom she would gladly say “I do” at any moment. It certainly wasn’t Hyungwon’s fault that his little brother was a conceited jerk.
Would anyone even believe Donghyuck if he said there was a time when he actually looked forward to meeting Mark? In hindsight, he couldn’t even say why he’d been so keen on it, but back then, the problem must have been that he hadn’t immediately spotted Mark’s judgmental side. Why, he’d even considered, in all seriousness, doing everything in his power to wrap the other half of the pair around his finger.
It’s a damn good thing he didn’t, because if Mark’s true colors had come out later, Donghyuck would’ve spent all his time spiraling, trying to figure out how to get rid of him. Mark was like a cold sore sometimes: there were periods where he’d vanish without a trace, only to pop up when least expected, at which point you’d have to fight and pray for him to finally clear up. And early on in their relationship, Sungyeon would drag Donghyuck along on all her dates, where Mark would inevitably show up.
The very first time they met, everything went well between Donghyuck and Mark, even if it might sound unbelievable at first hearing. Donghyuck even thought they were on the same wavelength, which meant they could meet up even when they didn’t exactly have to serve as emotional support from afar for their siblings. After a while, however, this need reversed, and it was Donghyuck who needed a little support so he wouldn’t want to introduce his fist to Mark’s face.
The four of them were just at Coachella, along with a few friends they had teamed up with precisely so the hotel where they booked their spots would be cheaper. Even though Sungyeon had already tried to use her saving skills back then, Hyungwon insisted that he and his younger brother would handle it. You can imagine that the end result of this was that they ended up leaving behind almost the price of the festival just for accommodation.
They were on the second day of the festival when Donghyuck had the good fortune that, out of all the drinks they’d bought, some idiot had spiked his with drugs. At first, no one realized what might be behind his sudden illness, and even Donghyuck himself chalked it up to the fact that he’d had the margarita he’d consumed on an empty stomach. The group of friends even took turns supporting him so he wouldn’t collapse in the middle of a crowd. Yes, Donghyuck couldn’t even feel lucky at a festival.
The adventurous event, which for him amounted to a straight-up horror night, ended with him vomiting directly onto Mark’s ridiculously expensive shirt and shoes. So, Donghyuck could pretty much trace the beginning of the end of them being able to stand each other’s company back to this moment. He even took it personally that it didn’t even occur to Mark to ask him afterward how he was feeling. He was far more worried about how he was going to wrap his next victim around his little finger.
And from that moment on, whenever Donghyuck and Mark ran into each other—whether it was for a short while or at a family event—the older boy looked at him with such judgment that they could teach it in theater schools. At such times, whether he wanted to or not, his palm would start itching so intensely, just waiting for the moment he could finally land a punch on Mark, that the urge wouldn’t even go away if he dug his nails into his palms. Because of this, Mark Lee could do him a favor by not sitting directly next to the groom during the wedding dinner, but rather in the furthest corner of the table.
In front of the groom’s suite, such a level of cheering broke out that, for once, Donghyuck actually understood Jaemin’s motives for why he fled from these male specimens. Especially since this usually happens the other way around, but he didn’t want to trample directly on the younger boy’s soul with that. Compared to this zoo, his sister’s company was refreshing, even though it often happened that Donghyuck would have headbutted a wall for a few minutes of peace.
This amusement, however, had to be put to an end right this instant, at least for the short time it took for Donghyuck to decide whether Mark’s speech passed the test, or if he could get ready for his sister to utterly destroy him. The thought had only just been born in his head, but he was already at the point of figuring out how to take revenge on the older boy. Though before he could run that far ahead, giving absolutely zero fucks, he started pounding on the wooden panel until someone finally thought to open the door for him.
The door was suddenly ripped open from the inside, forcing Donghyuck to step back. And, what do you know, of course it was Mark Lee who took the exhausting trouble to open the door for him, with an irritatingly wide smile on his face. Oh, suddenly, what wouldn’t Donghyuck give if he had just kept hitting the door with his fist for a little longer. Maybe the older boy would be richer by a black eye right now, which would make Donghyuck downright happy. He’d even feel, for a moment, like they were even. But of course, luck didn’t want to stand on his side this time either.
Donghyuck took a thorough look at Mark, who wasn’t capable of proving himself wrong this time either. As expected, he wore a tuxedo pressed to a sharp crease, with his name’s monogram embroidered into one of the lapels, as if it were mandatory for everyone to know his name. Although Donghyuck would also bet good money that if someone didn’t recognize the idiot standing across from them from miles away, his ego, visible from the moon, would collapse into ruins. His attention lingered a bit longer on the neatly arranged, ebony-black locks, which he was starting to think Jaemin might have had something to do with. Dirty bastard!
From the sight unfolding before him and the position Mark assumed—leaning against the wooden frame with his upper arm—something disgusting began to awaken in his lower abdomen. Fucking Mother Nature! It was out of the question for Donghyuck to get turned on by a person he didn’t like, and whose very facial features were already a trigger factor for him. How great that life blessed him with keen eyesight. Though, when it came to Mark Lee, Donghyuck would still be capable of poking his own eyes out with a thumbtack.
Naturally, the older boy also gifted Donghyuck with a similar gesture, because of which he couldn’t decide whether he should shrink himself smaller or, on the contrary, wear the outfit on him proudly. Even despite the glittering sequins, which he would gladly rip off one by one. Because of his figure, it would be worth standing tall just to flip Mark off with it.
“Thanks, Mr. Charisma, you still don’t need to show off that you go get your teeth whitened twice a month,” Donghyuck crossed his arms in front of him.
He immediately regretted this move, as he had completely forgotten about the extra material sewn into the inside of the outfit creating a push-up effect. And it attracted Mark’s gaze like a magnet. A side note from Donghyuck to himself: if there is any time left, that thing needs to be removed urgently.
“How generous of someone,” Mark clutched his chest dramatically, but he hadn’t finished what he had to say yet… closing it with a simple whistle instead. “I don’t even have to ask whether they’re real or if you suddenly got yourself implants. It looks surprisingly good on you!”
According to Donghyuck, what would suit Mark best is if he could suddenly knee him in the balls. It would be a fantastic feeling
“And it would look surprisingly good on you if something that actually makes sense left your mouth for once.”
“It’s sad that you’re incapable of appreciating my compliment,” Mark’s lips pouted, and at first glance, it really did look like he had taken the insult personally. “Women usually enjoy it when I praise their curves, though.”
“If you said that to a woman who was blessed with small breasts, you wouldn’t just get to know the paramedic and your attending physician—you’d meet Jesus, too.”
What a shameless prick!
“Looks like someone is in a very spicy mood. Could it be that tasteful outfit doing it?”
“Why, are you jealous that your suit is so monotonous and doesn’t have any sequins on it?” he forced a smile onto his face, trying not to betray how much he hated the look of the outfit that had been forced on him.
“Not even close.”
“Then why are you so hung up on my clothes?”
“I’m just saying—you look like a disco ball.”
A vein on Donghyuck’s forehead began to bulge from his slowly awakening wrath, even though he couldn’t have anticipated exactly what would leave Mark’s mouth. But someone pinch him! Did he really hear that right? Did Mark ‘Cocky’ Lee just say something a notch nicer than Jaemin, who had literally called him a porn star?
Either way, it didn’t change the fact that Mark Lee was still a certified dickhead.
“Are you feeling alright? Did your brain fluid boil over by any chance in that carefully pressed suit of yours?”
“Oh, Hyuckie, don’t tell me you’re worried I might pass out?” Mark choked up, even wiping an imaginary stray tear from his face.
Terrible acting skills! And not so long ago, Donghyuck had been scolding his mother over her hysterical fake tears.
“Donghyuck!” Donghyuck snapped sternly, because he couldn’t remember ever giving the person standing in front of him permission to even use a pet name for him. “You would be the last person on Earth, but I’d still happily sign off as a witness to your will.”
“Okay, listen! I’m enjoying this fiery banter of ours, but we still want to have a little fun before the grand entrance,” Mark jerked his head back toward the rowdy group of men. At first glance, Donghyuck would have said they were playing “pin the tail on the donkey,” but he wasn’t entirely sure. Such mature behavior! “So there must be a real purpose behind why you came here.”
Donghyuck wasn’t shocked that Mark got to the real reason for his presence so quickly. Granted, he thought calling the conversation unfolding between them “fiery banter” was a bit of an exaggeration, but it was already a well-known fact how smooth-talking Mark was. However, he didn’t want to say out loud that he had been forced into this visit, because he had enough sense not to come here on his own. Not even if his sister pointed a gun straight at his head.
“I don’t like wasting my time on you either, if I can avoid it…” Donghyuck shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “But so we can actually make some progress, I need to read your speech.”
“You mean my toast?” Mark raised an eyebrow, as if disapproving of the word Donghyuck used.
“What, does my choice of words hurt your ears?” he stretched out one of his hands toward the older boy. “Let me see it.”
Running a hand through his neatly styled hair, Mark leaned his shoulder completely against the wooden frame and gave a firm answer to Donghyuck’s request. “No!”
Well, Mark Lee certainly chose the wrong word to use against Donghyuck this time. But even now, the only reason he didn’t jump at his throat was because he didn’t want to hurt himself. As for what happened to the pompous jerk standing in front of him… that was no longer his jurisdiction. For once, Sungyeon hadn’t written it down on his to-do list that, as the master of ceremonies, he also had to look out for the guests’ physical safety
“Listen, my sister put it down in black and white that I have to read what you wrote! I need to make sure nothing embarrassing leaves your mouth to screw up this entire occasion,” Donghyuck sighed in frustration, feeling his patience for Mark Lee’s company running out. “And thanks, but I don’t want her sharpening her sharp claws on my neck before she pounces on you.”
“Just because Sungyeon might have you terrorized, I don’t feel like that's my problem,” Mark said, loosening his tie, feeling as if it were a little too tight.
Oh, how gladly Donghyuck would help him pull that tie tighter. For a split second, he saw it in his mind’s eye: Mark begging for it.
“I object to the notion that my own sister keeps me in terror,” Donghyuck got thoroughly hung up on that. It was an outright insult that everyone assumed he lived in his sister’s shadow. “Unless something is telling me you’re just too afraid to show it to me because it turned out so lame.”
“I bet you’ll be so shocked by how well it turned out that you’ll even fall out of your push-up bra,” Mark Lee leaned in suffocatingly close, forcing Donghyuck to take another step back.
One would think Mark wouldn’t know how to top his own rudeness, yet every single time, Donghyuck had to realize that he still managed to outdo himself by just a bit.
“From what you’re saying, I take it you’re going to improvise the entire speech,” he gave the older boy a judgmental once-over. If Mark could do it, then for once, so could he. “You’ll have to do a lot more to make me fall out of even this.”
It was an undeniable fact that when it came to the tasteless jokes leaving Mark’s mouth, he really held his own. For now, Donghyuck felt nothing but secondhand embarrassment, and if that same feeling was present during the wedding speech, it was guaranteed that Sungyeon would strangle him with her own two hands.
“If you end up laughing, I’ll already chalk it up as a success and a sign that it wasn’t that embarrassing.”
“For me, it’s already embarrassing just having to be seen with you and sit next to you while my sister says “I do” to your brother.”
Their sharp banter was interrupted as the door behind Mark opened a little wider. For Donghyuck, there was nothing surprising about Hyungwon joining their small gathering. Although the guy’s face clearly betrayed that he had been expecting someone far from Donghyuck. Well, for once, a disappointment was served to both of them.
“I thought you were trying to wrap that girl around your finger—the one who promised the next case of beer…” Hyungwon shot a sharp look at his younger brother, who only raised his arms in a defensive gesture. “What’s up, Hyuck? Wow, in that outfit…”
“I’d be more than happy to chat with you, Hyungwon, but for once, I’d rather you say nothing,” Donghyuck replied in a somewhat calmer tone, before conjuring a smile onto his face. “I’m just trying to settle things with your brother so he’ll show me his speech.”
“You mean his toast?” the older man looked at Donghyuck quizzically.
If Donghyuck were holding a champagne glass in his hand right now, he might have shattered it into splinters long ago from pure nerves. That this family cared so damn much about something, especially when, in the current situation, the two meant exactly the same thing anyway.
“Yes, that…” he nodded, his muscles completely tense.
“Get this sorted out quickly, then come along, you’re next,” Hyungwon gave his younger brother a thorough pat on the back, then left the two of them alone once more.
The smiling between them didn’t last any longer than that. As Mark and Donghyuck were left on their own again and looked at each other, the smiles vanished from their faces. They watched one another with expressions so blank, as if a single wrong move would be enough to escalate this entire situation, which for now still looked peaceful.
“Well, if there’s nothing else you’d like to say, I’m going to join my friends. Unless, by any chance, you know something about the beers we asked for.”
“Drinking before a wedding and playing pin the tail on the donkey—how refined and animalistic. Gee.”
“Did I hurt your feelings by not inviting you?” Mark grinned suddenly, making Donghyuck’s eye twitch.
“No, it’s more like I can finally understand why Jaemin saw fit to clear out.”
“Unlike you, your friend actually knows how to let loose…”
“If I needed to relax, I wouldn’t exactly do it like this,” Donghyuck’s face contorted into a grimace. “At least think about your toast between two shoots.”
“Understood, ma’am. I’ll think of nothing else every single moment,” Mark rolled his eyes, then pushing himself off the wooden frame with a casual motion, he slammed the door right in Donghyuck’s face.
Donghyuck’s body was hit by the draft caused by the massive slam. Blinking rapidly, he stood frozen in place, trying to process the fact that this idiot had just literally slammed the door in his face. But as God was his witness, he had done everything in his power when it came to that toast, yet achieved zero success. From this point on, his sister’s wrath would no longer be taken out on him if Mark actually ended up saying something embarrassing.
And surprisingly, it wasn't even the fact that Mark had called him “ma’am” that shocked Donghyuck.
“I can’t even believe it, but I finally know what the most hated word in the world is…” Donghyuck slammed his rather crumpled to-do list against the wall, checking off the item related to the speech with the biggest tick of his life.
The conversation just now was enough for Donghyuck to crumple the paper with a casual motion and toss it into the nearest trash can. If Mark Lee could improvise with his talking without anyone holding him accountable, then why couldn’t he? He’d be an idiot to invest so much energy into checking such insignificant things.
┈┈・ 🌺 ・┈┈
The wedding itself was incomparably beautiful, filling Donghyuck with an incomprehensible amount of pride. For a moment, he even toyed with the thought of what exactly his own wedding would look like one day. Although, knowing his luck, it would be a miracle if he could keep a guy for six months without a glitch in the system. Seriously, if he had to put on a stand-up comedy show next, Donghyuck would undoubtedly present his love life through a PowerPoint presentation.
It was also positive feedback for Donghyuck that everyone loved his outfit, and his family even noted that the other guys could have thought of wearing something similar. He chose not to laugh out loud at what pure schadenfreude it would be for him to force Mark Lee into something like that. He probably wouldn’t have even poked his nose out of his man cave to attend the wedding.
The harder part of things, however, was still ahead. The ceremony part was over, but Mark’s toast was still to come. For Donghyuck, everything hinged on whether the whole event would truly be something straight out of a magazine, or if it could boldly be stated that he wouldn’t ever have to be a master of ceremonies at another wedding. It was ridiculous that how big of a failure this entire thing would be depended on a single speech. Although it would probably be a relief for Donghyuck in the sense that he wouldn’t have to be asked to be a wedding planner ever again—not even to save money.
The banks of the Ashley River, lit up, were even more beautiful than in broad daylight. And the guests only made the place feel even more like Donghyuck was sitting right in the middle of a rather buzzing beehive. And he liked that. What’s more, he got to enjoy all of this while holding his favorite margarita cocktail in his hand. Maybe it was worth working his ass off this much after all. Still, Donghyuck was far from liking the fact that he did all of this without a single dime...
“Sorry for the delay! The food served was so delicious that I just had to go back for seconds,” Mark stepped up behind the podium with a prize-winning smile on his face.
Until this point, Donghyuck hadn’t known the source of his own unusually good mood. It was because he hadn’t seen a single sign of Mark until now. Much to his dismay, the guy hadn’t gotten food poisoning from the vegetables, nor had there been a stray bone in his chicken to choke on. So here came the smear campaign of the millennium: one where Mark wouldn’t even be the one having to feel bad, because the crushing weight of the resulting shame would rest entirely on Donghyuck’s shoulders.
“Welcome, everyone, to this wonderful day. I feel honored to be the one to deliver the first toast to the newlyweds,” Mark nodded first in the direction of his brother and his wife, but he made sure to “bless” Donghyuck with a glance as well.
What high-sounding words! Oh, lest Donghyuck fall flat on his face from the sheer awe…
“Before I really dive into it, however, I’d like to welcome the wedding guests as well,” he turned toward the entire extended family and cleared his throat. “Just a few hours ago, someone told me that improvisation requires at least as much talent as controlling a ventriloquist’s dummy.” And once again he looked right at Donghyuck, though Donghyuck did not return this noble gesture. “If you find something funny, don’t hold back. Please, laugh!”
“Good thing nothing of the sort ever escaped my lips. You filthy liar…” Donghyuck muttered under his breath, taking a sip of his margarita.
“What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say to the client as they’re leaving?” Mark raised the microphone level with his mouth, making sure everyone could hear him loud and clear.
In stark contrast, the alcoholic drink went down the wrong pipe for Donghyuck, and while everyone was waiting for the answer to the riddle, he was busy fighting for his life. After this, he didn’t even have the nerve to look his sister in the eye, because this was exactly what it had been about—she didn’t want to hear anything embarrassing. Donghyuck just slid lower in his chair, as if he weren’t even there.
Before delivering the punchline, Mark turned on a drumroll sound on his phone, and only then did he intend to answer the question. “Thank you for coming!”
Donghyuck had somehow been ready to bet that after the punchline was delivered, everyone would exchange awkward glances, while Mark would continue to stand behind the podium with the exact same idiotic confidence he had right now. Instead, the entire space was filled with loud, roaring laughter rather than a tense, cricket-chirping silence. And no matter how hard Donghyuck tried to control himself and suppress the laughter that was about to burst out of him, he couldn’t help it.
For once, he was downright gross in the sense that he spat even that tiny sip of margarita right back into his glass. He slapped his hand over his mouth so his amusement wouldn’t even catch Mark’s attention, as he had no intention of handing him the chance of victory. The shaking of his shoulders, however, betrayed him anyway. Maybe Mark Lee’s sense of humor wasn’t so wretched after all.
“As far as I can see, even people who swore up until now that I’m not funny are laughing,” Mark spoke loudly into the microphone. “Donghyuck, is your brassiere still holding up, or have you already fallen out of it from all the laughing?”
Another drumroll sound followed, and everyone burst into an even louder, more roaring laughter than before, with some of them risking the fact that tears were already streaming down their faces. Donghyuck, however, couldn’t really bring himself to laugh at this anymore, nor could he come up with a sudden comeback, so in return, he gifted Mark with a flash of his middle finger. Good luck trying to cut through the crowd after this without anyone trying to check out his chest area. And he was still wearing it through no fault of his own!
“If it’s any consolation, it’s not noticeabe at all that you’re wearing bra inserts,” Jaemin whispered, though this didn’t really comfort Donghyuck either.
“It’s bad enough that apart from me, literally everyone knows about it now…”
The moment Mark finished his speech, Donghyuck was without a doubt going to shove him straight into the Ashley River, and he wouldn’t so much as yell for help for a drowning man.
“Now that everyone’s had a good laugh, I just want to use this to prove that out of the two of us, I was still blessed with the better sense of humor,” Mark drew himself up proudly, while Donghyuck was waiting for nothing more than for the decor mounted above the older guy’s head to suddenly come crashing down on him. “But I think I can also safely go as far as to say that the most beautiful smile is mine as well, not to mention my personality is the more winning one. Isn’t that right, Hyungwon?”
“Well, what I’m certain of is that you’re definitely not the most modest one in your family,” Donghyuck rolled his eyes so hard it was a miracle they didn’t just pop out of his head.
“However, there is one thing I didn’t get, and I’m not even that sorry about it! The most beautiful woman in the world, Sungyeon! You can’t even imagine what an honor it is that from this day forward, we truly share a family. And that you are the one making my half-witted brother happy…” The newlyweds exchanged a kiss at the compliment, pausing in their opening of various gifts. “And thank you that starting tomorrow morning, I won’t be the one who has to diagnose his sixty-ninth nonexistent illness.”
“Could someone please save me so I can have absolutely nothing to do with him…?” Donghyuck swirled the drink in his hand.
Donghyuck tried to keep tuning in with only half an ear to Mark’s improvised speech, which was painfully embarrassing to him, yet for some reason, his sister was still thoroughly enjoying it. If Sungyeon didn’t consider this the kind of behavior that should get Mark banned, then what exactly had she been thinking when she assigned him the task in the first place? Because, if the Universe would please excuse him, a speech like this should only require half the confidence currently possessed by Hyungwon’s younger brother. For this level of audacity, even a Moon-sized ego would fall short.
The presentation was already about halfway through, and Mark continued to use all kinds of high-sounding words that made the wedding guests laugh every single time. Donghyuck kept his eyes on his sister instead from time to time, just to see how she reacted to each joke, noting that she didn’t want to do away with her younger brother just yet. This was, in fact, rather good news for Donghyuck. Meanwhile, the gifts were being unwrapped one after another, and everything was going in the absolute best order.
But of course, it wouldn’t be Donghyuck if he didn’t count his chickens before they hatched!
The silence washing over the crowd was shattered by Sungyeon’s sharp screaming, which made the words freeze right in Mark’s throat. Donghyuck, utterly stunned, watched his sister’s entire exodus as she stormed out of the garden, and for some reason, this filled him with a sense of smug satisfaction. Mark Lee had successfully disgraced himself in front of everyone.
“Who would’ve thought my sister would leave her own wedding screaming after a speech like that,” Donghyuck smiled with satisfaction, crossing his legs where he sat. “Score one for me.”
“Donghyuck! I don’t think Mark is the reason your sister stormed off,” Camila stepped up in front of the boy, holding a personalized envelope in her hand.
“She flipped out over an envelope?” his eyebrow shot up in confusion.
His brain somehow couldn’t process what could have possibly been inside that envelope to make the girl lose her mind to such an extent.
“More like because of its contents!”
“I don’t quite follow…”
Confused, Donghyuck took the envelope from the girl’s hand and pulled out the platinum card, which came from the operator of the world’s largest luxury cruise ship. Without a doubt, this was for his sister’s ten-day honeymoon, booked on the Wonder of the Seas by Royal Caribbean. This was particularly special because, as a rare exception, this luxury liner was doing a tour around all the islands of Hawaii for the very first time. There’s a funny story to this, too, with the punchline naturally being that Sungyeon had managed to snag it for next to nothing.
But even so, what exactly was the problem? It was only as Donghyuck read on that he finally realized what his sister had actually tripped up on.
To Lee Donghyuck and Mark Lee!
The Wonder of the Seas would like to personally congratulate you on your marriage! We consider it our highest honor that you will be spending your honeymoon directly aboard our vessel as you cruise around the breathtaking islands of Hawaii. Please accept, with great joy, our humble little invitation, which will be valid starting tomorrow. Wishing you a lifetime of happy marriage,
The Royal Caribbean Team
There had been a massive misunderstanding here, which the platinum card itself clearly certified. The cruise line had thoroughly misaddressed it, as it was the most absurd thing to think that he and Mark would ever tie the knot. And he couldn’t even comprehend how this could have happened, when it had never even crossed Donghyuck’s mind to apply for such a luxury cruise. Especially since arranging the gifts wasn’t even his responsibility, but rather that of one of the bridesmaids.
Right now, however, Donghyuck had to bump more pressing matters to the front of the line instead of complaining about what might have slipped up. His sister’s honeymoon was being ruined this second due to a wrong address, and it might not even be possible to reverse it anymore.
How on earth could something like this even happen?
Ignoring the stares directed at him, Donghyuck went after his sister without a second thought, knowing that by now, she had likely locked herself in her suite. Something explicitly told him that he was the last person Sungyeon wanted to see right now. The urge to prove to her that he had absolutely nothing to do with this, however, was far stronger. Just as perhaps, by joining forces, they might be capable of finding a compromise for this honeymoon dilemma.
“Sungyeon, it’s me! Please, let me in!” Donghyuck hammered on the wooden door incessantly.
“I don’t want to talk to you! You’ve taken away my chance to go on my dream honeymoon.”
Taken away her chance? The thought of going to Hawaii with the other person mentioned in that letter hadn’t even crossed his mind.
“Sun, I swear to God, I have absolutely no use for this opportunity…” he tried to plead, his stomach turning at the mere thought of Mark. “And certainly not with that complete idiot.”
But there was no further response from the other side of the door, forcing Donghyuck to keep trying.
“There’s got to be a way to transfer this booking from my name to yours. If I have to, I’ll call them myself and explain that a massive mistake was made!”
“You can’t! That was the whole point—the entire honeymoon was supposed to be completely free. If we cancel it, I’ll be the one stuck paying back the entire cost of that luxury.”
Donghyuck knew the situation was bad, but he hadn’t realized just how bad. It was better not to even think about how much they’d be on the hook for if no one actually went on the trip.
“Then I have no idea how we’re going to resolve this!” he exclaimed, mindlessly banging his head against the wall, when suddenly, the door swung open.
Sungyeon barely peeked her head out from the door, but even so, Donghyuck could clearly see her smudged makeup, which gave her face a sort of glassy sheen. There was no actual anger in her gaze, but disappointment still flickered in her eyes. He knew all too well how much his sister had yearned for this trip, as Hawaii had been a bucket-list destination for her. Would things be different now if Donghyuck had checked the gifts himself? Probably not, since the booking was in his name regardless.
“You have to go on this trip, little brother! You have no other choice,” she said, looking at him sternly. But Donghyuck couldn’t believe his ears at first.
He let out an incredulous laugh at the absurdity of it all—so hard that tears actually pricked his eyes. However, he quickly realized that Sungyeon wasn’t laughing along; she meant every word she had just said.
“Sorry, but I’m not about to play the role of a newlywed if it means I have to drag myself to Hawaii with Mark,” he said, wiping away the tears that had rolled down his cheeks.
“Hyuck, look at this as an opportunity; things are finally turning around, and for once, luck is smiling on you! Do you have any idea how many people would be green with envy at the thought of spending their honeymoon in Hawaii, all-expenses-paid?”
“I still consider myself cursed, let me emphasize that I’d be forced to go with your husband’s younger brother, who, might I remind you, just humiliated me in front of the entire family.”
“Seriously? Can’t you just set this childish grudge aside for a few hours?”
“That’s not up for discussion, I’m sorry,” Donghyuck said, shaking his head decisively. “I’d much rather try calling the cruise line to sort out this mess.”
“You’re an idiot if you really let this opportunity slip through your fingers, lil’ bro.”
┈┈・ 🌺 ・┈┈
Donghyuck found himself a hideaway in a corner of the garden where the foliage grew thick and tangled. Against his better judgment, his sister’s words kept circling in his mind: if he really let an opportunity like this slip away, he’d regret it for the rest of his life. After all, he’d been dreaming of visiting Hawaii himself for the longest time.
For the moment, however, that remained a distant dream for Donghyuck. First and foremost, he needed to land a stable job, where he wouldn’t end up fired through no fault of his own. The only thing stopping him from accepting the offer was the sheer absurdity of having to play-act a fake marriage with his sworn enemy. On top of that, he was a terrible liar.
Seriously, if anyone tried to test him with a lie detector, his hair would’ve been standing on end long ago from all the jolts he’d be getting through his hands. And he was supposed to know how to properly play-act a marriage that was actually fueled by hatred? Why was it always Donghyuck whom life hit with some unfortunate twist? He strongly doubted that Fortuna had suddenly decided to favor him, after twenty-five years of not even wanting to touch him with a pole.
His solitude—a moment he had just started to enjoy—was promptly ruined by Mark Lee, who decided to grace him with his presence. To make matters worse, he was carrying a glass of margarita, which he extended straight toward Donghyuck.
“I’m not taking anything from you! Who knows what you might have slipped into it on your way over here…” Donghyuck sneered, making his disgust quite obvious.
How else could he possibly express how little he wanted anything to do with him?
“Just take it!” Mark urged, though the younger boy still held back. “If I’m lying about this, may lightning strike me down right here, right now.”
“With your kind of luck, you’d probably survive that, too,” Donghyuck muttered with a barely visible smirk, finally taking the glass. “Why are you even here?”
“I talked to my brother and Sungyeon about this trip, and they were quite convincing,” Mark said, leaning against the railing as he watched the rippling waves. “Even if you don’t accept it, I’m going. My colleagues have been trying to force me into taking a vacation anyway, so I think it’ll do me good.”
“Hmm, and I wonder why they want you away from them so badly, unless it’s because they can’t stand the sight of you either,” Donghyuck snorted, gloating. “Anyway, I’ve been thinking about going too, but on my own. Especially after this string of bad luck and getting fired, I feel like I’ve earned the right to flip off this fucked-up world.”
“Wait, you got fired from Martz?” Mark was visibly stunned by the news.
“Imagine that, Sherlock—yes! And it’s still Maritz,” Donghyuck snapped, his voice rising, because the last person he wanted to break this news to was Mark. “You know, some of us actually have to fight to keep our jobs.”
“Well, I’m truly sorry to hear that.”
“Oh, you’re definitely not.”
Donghyuck didn’t pay any more attention to Mark. He was silently banking on Mark to be the one to back out and cancel the Hawaii trip on his behalf; after all, it was painfully obvious to both of them that neither wanted to spend ten days in the other’s company on a luxury cruise. But that response never came.
“The platinum card, however, explicitly states that we can’t go alone…”
“And I’ve already spoken with Royal Caribbean; if neither of us shows up, or if only one of us goes, we’d have to pay the entire cost of the trip back,” Donghyuck sighed, defeated.
The fact that they were in agreement about this could only lead to one conclusion.
“I’m willing to survive these ten days with you, as long as you aren’t an insufferable prick!” Taking a deep breath, Donghyuck turned his entire body toward the older boy, extending his hand to seal the agreement.
“I had no idea you thought of me so fondly,” Mark grinned, flashing his snow-white theeth, which looked almost blinding in the darkness.
“Truth be told, I despise your entire being with all my heart…”
“I’ll only be annoying enough so that you won’t want to jump ship after ten minutes,” he countered, finally shaking his hand, sealing the pact between them.
Donghyuck could already tell this was going to be the longest and most unbearable ten days of his life.