Work Text:
"I hope nobody from the Daily Prophet sneaked into that party," Arthur said, wiping his eyes.
"They'd have enough material for the next few years," Ginny replied. “The Minister of Magic, Hogwarts Herbology teacher and The Chosen One dancing on the pub table.” I’d love to read something like this."
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
On Monday morning, James and Rose entered the Great Hall for breakfast, accompanied by Lily and Hugo, who were still a little fidgety and nervous. It was only their second week at Hogwarts.
"Why is everyone staring at us?" Lily asked anxiously.
"You'll get used to it, Lil."
James remembered all too well what it felt like to have hundreds of eyes on him when he first arrived at Hogwarts. As the first of his siblings to attend, he had promised himself he wouldn't let all the attention go to their heads, especially not Lily's. She had been so excited about coming to Hogwarts that he didn't want her to be disappointed.
"Yeah," Rose said. "A new generation of nepo babies has arrived. Everyone has to have their laugh. It'll die down." She patted Lily reassuringly on the back.
"What's a nepo baby?" Hugo asked.
James and Rose exchanged smirks.
Practically everyone at Hogwarts called the entire Potter-Weasley clan nepo babies. After a few years, they'd started joking about it themselves, and eventually their friends had begun using the nickname affectionately.
"Oh, James, look! It's Uncle Neville! Hi!" Lily called when she spotted Neville entering the Great Hall.
Even though he was now her teacher and she'd already had Herbology with him, she was still excited every time she saw him.
Neville offered them a strained smile and quickly looked away. That was odd, because usually he would stop for a chat.
"Nice moves, Professor Longbottom!" someone shouted from a nearby table.
Neville visibly winced and hurried toward the staff table. The four of them exchanged confused looks. What was that supposed to mean?
Lily had been right. Everyone was behaving strangely that morning. People kept staring, pointing and laughing at them.
They had barely sat down at the Gryffindor table when Albus came rushing over from the Slytherin table.
"Have you seen this?" he demanded without so much as a greeting. His face looked horrified.
He squeezed himself between James and Rose and slammed a copy of the Daily Prophet onto the table.
"What do you—" Rose looked down at the front page. "Oh my fucking God." All colour drained from her face.
"What?" James asked, suddenly certain he did not want to know.
Without a word, Rose handed him the newspaper.
Across the front page, huge bold letters screamed:
OLDER AND BOLDER
Beneath the headline was a moving photograph of Aunt Hermione, Neville, and Dad dancing on a table while Uncle Ron appeared to be unsuccessfully attempting to avoid being dragged up by them.
James, Rose, and Albus looked at each other in horror.
"What is this?" Rose asked weakly.
"I haven't read it yet," Albus said.
"Apparently everyone else has." James glanced around the Great Hall. Half the school seemed to be staring at them.
He looked back down at the paper.
DUMBLEDORE'S ARMY REUNITED AT VIP CELEBRATION FOR MINISTER OF MAGIC. EXCLUSIVE ARTICLE ON PAGE 6.
"Let's get this over with." He turned to the article, dreading what he can find there.
OLDER AND BOLDER
GOLDEN TRIO'S WILD NIGHT
by Sita Reeker, Special Correspondent
On Friday night, the wizarding world's elite gathered behind closed doors at the Leaky Cauldron to celebrate the fortieth birthday of Minister for Magic Hermione Granger-Weasley.
The event was strictly invitation-only, with the pub closed to ordinary customers for the evening. Among the guests were Ronald Weasley, Harry Potter, former Holyhead Harpies star Ginny Potter, and numerous members of the Weasley family and the infamous Dumbledore's Army.
Among the guests, we can identify George Weasley, co-owner of the world-famous joke shop Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, accompanied by his wife Angelina Johnson-Weasley; popular radio host Lee Jordan; artist Dean Thomas; Quidditch commentator Seamus Finnigan; and renowned magizoologists Luna Scamander and her husband, Rolf Scamander.
Also present were several other former members of Dumbledore's Army, making the gathering something of an unofficial reunion of the witches and wizards once celebrated as the heroes of the Second Wizarding War.
The celebration itself was organised by Hannah and Neville Longbottom, owners of the Leaky Cauldron and long-time friends of the Potter-Weasley family. Longbottom, now the beloved Herbology Professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, appears to have developed talents extending well beyond the greenhouse. Judging by the scenes witnessed later that evening, one might even suggest that managing a room full of middle-aged witches and wizards is considerably more challenging than teaching Venomous Tentacula.
The evening was considerably less dignified than one might expect from some of the most influential witches and wizards in Britain.
According to witnesses, celebrations continued late into the night, with large quantities of Firewhisky disappearing at an alarming rate.
The source reported seeing Minister Granger-Weasley dancing on a table while attempting to organise a speech in honour of herself.
Another witness claims that Auror Harry Potter spent nearly ten minutes trying to convince a coat stand to join a group photograph.
Whether the coat stand accepted the invitation remains unclear yet.
To see the photos turn to page 7.
By the time he'd finished the first page, all three of them looked as though they'd swallowed something poisonous.
"I don't believe this."
"Bloody hell."
"It's that horrible Skeeter woman."
"Wasn't she banned from journalism by your mum?" Al asked.
"She was!" Rose said indignantly. "That's why she's calling herself Sita Reeker now. What an idiotic woman! Honestly, does she think anyone is stupid enough not to notice?"
"I'm pretty sure all those 'sources' and 'witnesses' were just her," James muttered.
"How did she even get into the party?"
"Polyjuice Potion, probably," Albus said.
James nodded. "Wouldn't surprise me. Mum says she tried exactly the same thing to sneak into our parents' wedding."
"Can we see?" Lily asked eagerly, already leaning over James's shoulder.
"No." James immediately folded the newspaper in half.
"It's better if they find out from us, James," Rose said, eyeing her cousin.
Lily chose that moment to make a grab for the paper, but James held it high above his head. Then, with a sigh, he handed over the newspaper.
Lily and Hugo immediately buried themselves in the article while the older three continued their increasingly frantic discussion.
"Are they mental?" Albus demanded. "What were they thinking?"
James glanced toward the staff table.
Neville was sitting with his head buried in his hands while Professor McGonagall appeared to be giving him a very stern talking-to.
The sight made James laugh. "Honestly, it's kind of funny."
"It's not funny!" Rose hissed. Her face had gone bright red. "Do you have any idea how this looks? That's the Minister for Magic!"
"I reckon everyone just thinks we've got a cool Minister."
"Yeah, right."
"I'm serious. It's not like this is the first ridiculous article they've had written about them."
"No," Rose said, "but this is the first one with photographic evidence."
"I'm sure they'll sort it out somehow," James said. "They deal with things like this at least once a year."
Before anyone could reply, a strangled noise escaped Lily who had gone completely pale.
Slowly, she turned the page.
"Oh no," she whispered.
"What is it?"
Without answering, Lily simply pushed the newspaper into the middle of the table. Everyone leaned in to see the photos.
PHOTOGRAPH EXCLUSIVE!
PHOTO 1
Hermione Granger-Weasley standing on a chair and enthusiastically waving her birthday hat above her head while Neville Longbottom attempts to persuade her to sit down.
"Ministerial business appears to take many forms these days."
PHOTO 2
Harry Potter pointing accusingly at what appears to be a perfectly innocent coat stand.
"The Chosen One confronts his latest dark opponent."
PHOTO 3
Ronald Weasley laughing with his brother George Weasley appears unable to remain upright.
"The war heroes fighting with gravity."
PHOTO 4
Ginny Potter standing on a table, leading what witnesses describe as a highly enthusiastic rendition of a Weird Sisters song.
"Holyhead Harpies may wish to consider a career in musical theatre."
“I see you’ve already got the paper.” Roxanne appeared behind them, red in the face.
“How did you know?” Aksed James gloomily.
“It gets worse.” Roxanne said, sitting beside them.
“How can it get any worse?”
Roxanne put a copy of Witch Weekly on the table.
On the cover was a large photograph of James’s, Lily’s and Al’s parents sharing a kiss on the dance floor. Ginny's hand was tangled in Harry's hair while he had one arm wrapped around her waist.
“EWWWWW!” James threw the paper back onto the table.
"OH NO," Albus said immediately. "This is a nightmare."
Above the picture, glittering pink letters proclaimed:
HARRY POTTER'S BIGGEST WEAKNESS?
Roxanne turned to the page with an article as James and Al groaned in unison.
THE GINNY POTTER EFFECT
Some women slow down as they approach forty.
Ginny Potter appears to have taken that suggestion personally.
The former Holyhead Harpies star was spotted celebrating her sister-in-law Hermione Granger-Weasley's fortieth birthday on Friday evening and, dear readers, one question immediately came to mind:
How is Harry Potter supposed to get anything done?
The answer, judging by the accompanying photographs, is that he isn't.
Despite nearly two decades of marriage, three children and countless near-death experiences the famous Potter marriage appears to be thriving.
At thirty-eight, Ginny Potter remains one of the wizarding world's most recognisable witches. Former Quidditch star, successful sports journalist, mother of three—and apparently still fully capable of reducing the Boy Who Lived to a lovestruck teenager.
The photographs from Friday's celebrations reveal a couple who seem remarkably unconcerned with behaving like respectable adults. Dancing very closely together and whispering to one another and, in one especially memorable image, sharing a kiss that left this magazine's editors debating whether it was suitable for a family publication.
As for Harry Potter, now thirty-nine, he appears perfectly content with his fate.
After all, if being hopelessly enchanted by your wife for more than twenty years is a crime, then Harry Potter may be wizarding Britain's most unrepentant offender.
The real mystery, however, is how Ginny Potter continues to become more glamorous every year.
At this rate, by the time she reaches forty, Hogwarts may need to add a chapter on her to the Defence Against the Dark Arts curriculum.
Under the section:
"Dangerously Distracting Creatures."
“That’s just fucking disturbing!” James yelled.
“It’s cute!” Rose shot back.
“It’s cute because it’s not about your parents!”
“One thing is sure,” Albus muttered. “I don’t think it’s worse than the Daily Prophet.”
“We’ll be a laughing stock!”
“We already are.”
At that moment Scorpius appeared behind them.
“There you are, Al. I’ve seen the article. Cool!” Scorpius said, squeezing between Albus and Rose.
“Cool? You, of all people, are not going to laugh at us, Scorp,” Albus said indignantly.
“I’m not laughing! I mean it. I wish my parents were that cool.”
Everyone turned silent and stared at him. Scorpius suddenly looked uncomfortable.
“What? I just mean… can you imagine my father pulling off something like that?”
At that moment an owl swooped down and landed on Rose’s head, dropping a letter onto her plate.
“Hi, Pig. What is it?” she said, distracted.
She opened it.
Dear Rosie and Hugo,
Thank you for your birthday gift. It was absolutely lovely, and I was very touched by it.
I had a wonderful birthday. We ended up spending most of the weekend at the Burrow with the family. It was peaceful, relaxing, and exactly what I wanted and needed. Your grandparents threw me a perfectly lovely party in the garden and I wish you could have been there.
Please send our love to everyone at Hogwarts.
Hugs and kisses,
Mum (and Dad)
Enclosed was a photograph of the entire family sitting around the garden table, smiling and waving innocently at the camera.
“Oh look how innocent they are,” James said, dropping his head into his hands.
“That’s a great start to our school careers Hugo,” Lily muttered, frowning.