Chapter Text
He had tried with all his might to avoid it. For years, he had suppressed the inner turmoil that, against his own will, kept slipping through the cracks to force him face-to-face with the harsh truth: there was no running away.
Now, standing before the bedroom mirror, Wu Suowei stared at his reflection. His hands were shaking. When you're only seventeen and forced to accept a reality you never wanted, losing control is inevitable.
That trembling became completely unmanageable the moment Chi Cheng walked in. Chi Cheng, who had been his best friend practically since birth.
As usual, he didn't knock.
He just strolled right in, awkwardly attempting to balance two glasses of milk and a plate piled high with Aunt Wu's homemade cookies.
He finally managed to set everything down on the desk, grabbed a cookie and one of the glasses filled to the brim, and crashed onto the bed.
«So? What did you want to talk about?»
Straight to the point. As always.
Chi Cheng had never been one for beating around the bush.
Wu Suowei could barely look at him in the reflection. The sheer terror of confessing the truth that had been torturing him for months trapped the air in his lungs.
What if this means losing him forever?
He couldn't imagine a life without him. The silence grew heavy. It was enough to make the taller boy freeze mid-bite, his brow furrowing. «Suowei?»
Suowei took a step back, moving away from the mirror. With his hands on his hips and his heart hammering against his ribs, he began pacing the room. For a second, he genuinely worried he might wear a groove into the floorboards.
Chi Cheng's shoulders squared as he stood up. His gaze hardened, his jaw turning to granite. «Did someone hurt you?» he snapped, stepping forward as his blood began to boil.
«No one did anything to me,» Suowei said, pushing against his chest. The sudden movement sent the milk sloshing violently over the rim of Chi Cheng's glass, dripping onto the floor. «You need to stop getting into fistfights with everyone.»
«I don't go around throwing punches at everyone.»
«It's still wrong!»
«Nobody messes with my brother.»
Wu Suowei froze.
I'm not your brother, he thought, a thick lump forming in his throat. I am not your brother! Stop saying that! a voice screamed inside his head.
But he stayed silent.
Because he was a coward. Because he lacked the courage. Because this truth was simply too massive, the kind that could bring their entire world crashing down.
«You've been telling me you need to talk for weeks, and every time you're about to, you chicken out. Are you going to tell me what the fuck is going on with you, or what?»
This was it.
He knew it was time.
And he knew the risks.
But confessing his love for the boy standing in front of him was out of the question; that would undoubtedly ruin their friendship forever. Revealing his sexuality was a calculated compromise. If Chi Cheng truly cared about him, he wouldn't run away, and he wouldn't laugh. He could handle knowing his best friend was gay - just not that he was the object of his desire.
«I'm gay.»
He couldn't bring himself to look him in the eye as the words left his mouth. Instead, he stared at Chi Cheng's broad chest - the same chest he always ran to when things went sideways, during those rare moments Chi Cheng showed a soft side he kept hidden from the rest of the world, holding him tight enough to make him believe the world wasn't so terrifying after all.
He took a step back.
As Chi Cheng remained silent, Suowei slowly lifted his gaze, searching for him through the wreckage of his own emotional storm.
«If... if you feel weird about it, I get it. It feels weird to me, too,» he stammered, the words rushing out like a runaway train. «I don't expect you to just be fine with it. I-»
Chi Cheng sat back down.
He blinked.
He processed the news by taking a sip from his sticky glass, as if his throat had suddenly gone dry.
«You're gay.»
It wasn't a question.
It was a statement.
A statement Wu Suowei answered with a tense nod.
«Okay. You're gay. So what?»
«What do you mean, ‘so what’?»
«I don't give a shit whether you like cock or pussy. What difference does it make to me?»
While a wave of relief washed over him, a part of Suowei knew this was a definitive answer to the unspoken question of whether Chi Cheng could ever return his feelings.
He immediately buried that hope and forced the best smile he could muster.
At least he didn't have to fake it anymore.
At least Chi Cheng wasn't casting him out like his sexuality was some kind of venereal disease.
«I just thought...»
He didn't know how to finish.
He trailed off.
Chi Cheng shot him a glare.
«I've always had your back. You thought this would change that? You think I'm that shallow?»
Suowei quickly shook his head.
Chi Cheng let out a soft chuckle, his shoulders relaxing. «As long as my ass is safe, you being gay isn't a problem at all.»
Those words made Suowei's face burn hot.
He grabbed a pillow and hurled it at him.
God, he was so embarrassed.
Chi Cheng had blindly assumed he would want to be the top. But the truth was, whenever Suowei closed his eyes and let his mind wander... he was always right there, pinned beneath the weight of Chi Cheng's body, taking him in completely, enduring the overwhelming intrusion in a breathless, aching silence.
«You can sleep soundly. Your rock-hard ass is definitely not part of my fantasies,» he muttered, snatching his own glass of milk and finally finding the nerve to sit down beside him.
They sat in silence for a few seconds until Chi Cheng's curiosity got the better of him.
«Do you like someone?»
«No,» Suowei lied instantly.
He really didn't have the guts or the energy to handle that conversation right now.
«Then how did you even figure out you're gay?»
«Because when the lights go out, I fantasize about cock,» he shot back crudely, desperately hoping it would shut the conversation down.
Chi Cheng shifted on the bed, totally unfazed by the bluntness. «Yeah, but... how do you even know it's a real thing and not just a phase? Like, what actually triggers it?»
«Don't you literally Google everything?» Suowei snapped, glaring at him. «Google this too, if you care so much!»
Chi Cheng looked at him from the corner of his eye, thoroughly amused by his best friend's sudden prickliness. He didn't reply, just letting the comfortable silence stretch between them for a moment longer.
Hours later, when he finally left and the door clicked shut behind him, the lingering traces of amusement finally dropped from his face. He pulled his phone from his pocket, his thumb hovering over the search bar. He hadn't even reached his own house yet, but his fingers were already typing.