Chapter Text
Indra, the sovereign of the skies and lord of thunder, has been summoned to Chaldea. His presence is so overwhelming that the air crackles with static electricity. He is accustomed to mortals bowing before his power, but he hadn't counted on Nemo Bakery's "Kindergarten rules."
The Master is playing with fire. Ritsuka, with his characteristic suicidal confidence, presents Indra as if he were a would be babysitter. —Here we have a Servant who has something to say about being a "family man."—
Bakery, though intimidated by the lightning emanating from the god, does not back down. She is a Nemo, and order comes first. —¿King of the gods? ¡Well, it seems he's in the middle of a war!— se shouts as Indra stares at her with an intensity that could evaporate oceans.
Indra, the god who wields the Vajra, has had to bow humbly. He is holding his "Scorecard" in a hand that usually wields divine weapons.
Bakery, with his index finger raised in a show of authority, is giving him a legendary sermon. —¡I don't care if you rule the skies! If you can't talk to a child without sounding like you're about to strike lightning, you get zero points! ¡POINTS DEDUCTED!—
Indra, sweating a drop of nervousnessba very rare human gesture in such a proud god answers through gritted teeth. —If it were so easy to simply 'listen in silence'... I wouldn't have so many problems with my own son.—
The Bakery Lesson: The little girl explains to him that a "Perfect fad" doesn't need thunder or glory, but a kind smile. Indra stares at the scorecard with more terror than he ever felt before an Asura demon. He realizes that conquering the three worlds was easier than trying to get a passing grade from a girl who barely reaches his knee.
Seeing the god of gods, someone who takes orders from no one, being scolded by one of Nemo's smaller personalities is the height of comedy in Chaldea. The Master takes immense pleasure in watching a supreme being suffer because he doesn't know how to be "nice."
Arjuna enters the scene.
Arjuna stood frozen in the corner of the corridor. His eyes widened in astonishment at the sight of his father, the majestic Indra, the very King of the Gods, squatting before a small, white-haired sailor girl.
Arjuna, who has always seen his father as a distant, powerful, and sometimes terrifying figure, can't process what he sees. Indra is holding a cardboard card with flower drawings while sweating profusely because Nemo Bakery is yelling at him for not having enough of a fatherly aura.
Arjuna whispering. —¿Father...? ¿Is that the god who gave me the Agneya bow and blessed me with victory? ¿Why... why does he look like he's about to cry in front of an emergency Captain Nemo ration?—
Ritsuka notices Arjuna's presence and, with a mischievous smile, beckons him to come closer. —¡Oh, Arjuna! Look, your father is trying to improve his social skills. Bakery says his 'divine judgment stare' frightens the children.—
—Master... this is sacrilege. And yet... it's strangely satisfying.—
At that moment, Bakery notices Arjuna and uses him as a negative example to scold Indra more strongly. —¡Look at that young man over there! He looks so tense! ¡That's because you didn't give him enough hugs when he was a demigod! ¡POINTS DEDUCTED FOR GENERATIONAL TRAUMA!—
Indra puts a hand to his head, utterly defeated. He looks at his son Arjuna with pleading eyes, but Arjuna simply closes his eyes, turns around, and starts walking in the opposite direction while muttering:
—I didn't see anything. This is a Krishna illusion. Yes, it's definitely a Krishna joke.—
At the end of the day, Indra ends up sitting on the floor of the simulator, exhausted.
• Score: -50 points (for excessive static electricity).
• Bakery's observations: He has potential, but she needs to tone down her excitement every time she gets carried away. Babies aren't lightning rods.
While Indra continues trying to figure out how to smile without appearing to announce the end of a Kalpa, Karna appears, walking with his usual calm gait and dispassionate gaze. He stops right next to Arjuna, who is still trying to process the trauma.
Karna observes the scene for a few seconds. He sees Indra being humiliated by little Bakery.
—I see. So the King of the Gods has finally been defeated by an enemy that cannot be vanquished with the Vajra: children's education.—
Indra embarrassed. —¡Son of Surya! ¡It's not what it looks like! I'm... assessing the mental resilience of this Nemo unit.—
Bakery, upon seeing Karna, runs towards him and uses him as a comparison to further punish Indra's pride. —¡Look at this one! ¡He actually has a calm expression! ¡Even though he looks like he hasn't slept in three centuries, at least he doesn't try to electrocute everyone who greets him. Indra, take note!—
Indra indignant. —¡¿Learn from him?! ¡But I gave him the Vasavi Shakti because I felt sorry for his lack of defense! ¡I'm the master here!—
—¡YELLING AT CHILDREN IS ANOTHER POINT LESS! ¡Go to the corner and think!—
Karna, true to his nature of "giving without being asked," approaches Indra and puts a hand on his shoulder while Indra remains squatting. —Indra, don't beat yourself up. Fatherhood is a concept that has always eluded you, like lightning. If you'd like, I can ask Ganesha to give you some lessons in patience... although you'll probably just ask him to buy you video games.—
At this point, Arjuna, who cannot stand that Karna is "being someone mature," intervenes.
—¡Karna, don't you dare act as if you know more than I do about Lord Indra! ¡Father, stand up, you are dishonoring the Kshatriyas! —
Ritsuka watches from afar with a camera, recording everything for Chaldea's secret file. In the end, little Bakery writes the final verdict on Indra's card.
• Parenting Level: Divine disaster. It is recommended not to leave him alone with children, or they will end up learning to shoot lightning bolts before they learn to walk.
• P.S: Your son needs family therapy.
Indra sits on the ground, defeated by a girl who's barely three feet tall, while his son starts arguing about who's the mature one here. Ritsuka, who's been recording everything, decides it's time to intervene before Indra decides to renounce his divinity out of shame.
—Well, I think Indra has learned its lesson for today... ¿right?—
Bakery closing her notebook with a sharp thud, she said. —For now. But tomorrow she has mandatory tutoring with Boudica and Emiya to learn how to cook something that isn't charred by lightning.—
Indra, the king of the gods, ends the day sitting in a corner, looking at his scorecard where it now says in big red letters: "NEEDS TO IMPROVE AND APOLOGIZE."
This is the culmination of a god's fall. Indra, he who once drank the Soma and defeated the serpent Vritra, now faces the true final boss of Chaldea, the kitchen of Emiya.
Cooking Class: Thunder vs. the Pan.
Chaldea's kitchen is unusually quiet. Emiya stands with his arms crossed, his white apron spotless, observing the most difficult student he has ever had. Beside him, Boudica prepares the ingredients with a sympathetic smile, and Nemo Bakery supervises with his clipboard, ready to deduct points.
Indra holds a kitchen knife as if it were a sacred weapon. He is trying to chop onions, but every time he concentrates, tiny sparks fly from his fingers. —¡It's useless! ¡This metal is too weak! ¿Why can't I just use a concentrated beam to cook the meat instantly?—
Emiya with a vein bulging on his forehead. —Because we want food, Indra, not activated charcoal. A father must be gentle. If you can't control your energy for an onion, ¿how do you expect not to scare a child?—
Boudica tries to help, bringing him a pot of curry, a dish that should be familiar to a Hindu god. —Come on, try stirring the mixture gently. Think of it as cradling a baby.—
—¿Cradling? My son was born ready for war.—
Indra dips his spoon in and, for a second, gets distracted thinking about being a good father. An electric arc travels from his hand to the pot. ¡BOOM! The curry explodes, bathing the kitchen ceiling in a divine spicy sauce.
Bakery's Judgment appears out of nowhere, pointing to the disaster with its red marker. —¡NOISE POLLUTION! ¡WASTE OF RESOURCES! ¡-100 POINTS!—
—¡It was an accident! ¡The pot provoked me!—
At that moment, Emiya decides to play his trump card. Emiya sighs, steps behind Indra, and guides his hands. —Let go of your pride, king of the gods. A father is not the one who shines the brightest, but the one who keeps the flame low so the soup doesn't burn.—
After three hours of chaos, Indra manages to present a dish: a simple rice pudding. It's a little smoky, but edible.
Karna and Arjuna are called to test it.
Karna chew in silence. —It tastes like... static electricity. But it's the first gift I've received from you that didn't require a war. It's acceptable.—
Arjuna crying inwardly from embarrassment but proud. —It's... delicious, Dad. Although the bowl is melting.—
Verdict: D+ (Passed by a hair's breadth).
—He's still a public menace in the kitchen, but at least he didn't try to declare war on the dishwasher. He's allowed to attend the next birthday party, but only to inflate static-filled balloons.—
Indra ends the day with his apron on and a small smear of flour on his cheek, realizing that being the king of the gods is child's play compared to earning a golden star from Nemo Bakery.
Divine Hiding: The Thunder Radar.
For their final test of "patience and play," Nemo Bakery has organized a game of hide-and-seek in the Chaldea simulator. The participants: Jack the Ripper, Nursery Rhyme, Bunyan, Jeanne Lily, and, of course, a very reluctant Indra.
Indra decides to hide behind some trees in a forest setting. However, there's a problem: his divinity is so powerful that, even when he tries to remain still, the air around him glows with a golden luminescence and the tree leaves begin to levitate due to static electricity.
Bakery counting. —...8, 9, 10! ¡Ready or not, here I come!—
Indra whispering. —I am the sky... I am the void... no one can see the lightning before it strikes.—
—Lord god, your hair is throwing off sparks and the birds are fleeing from your tree.—
Frustrated that Bakery finds him in under 30 seconds, Indra decides to use his powers seriously. In the next round, he uses a cloaking technique based on storm clouds. The simulator fills with a dense, dark fog.
Bakery walking blindly. —¡this is cheating! Indra, stop using atmospheric effects to win a child's game! ¡POINTS DEDUCTED FOR ABUSE OF POWER!—
Indra from the Mist. —¡A father must be unattainable and mysterious! ¡Accept your defeat, little sailor!—
Arjuna and Karna observe the intervention from the control room.
—This is shameful. He's using stealth, which should only be used to ambush demons, to beat a Nemo.—
—At least he's having fun. Look, he's even stopped frowning.—
Bakery, fed up with the fog, pulls out her secret weapon a nautical signal horn and blows with all her might. The sound is so sharp that Indra jumps and, purely on instinct, lets out a clap of thunder that illuminates the entire simulator, revealing her exact position. Hanging from a branch, trying to look like a cloud.
At the end of the day, Indra is sitting on a simulated park bench, with a group of child servants using him as a "charging station" for their video game consoles since his body constantly emits electricity.
—Okay. You failed at stealth, you failed at humility, and you cheated with the weather. But...— she jots something down in his notebook. —the kids seem comfortable carrying their consoles around with you. So I'll give you a passing grade.—
—¿Really? ¿Did I pass dad's checkup?—
—It's been called "Portable battery dad." It's a start.—
Indra sighs, gazing at his son in the distance. For the first time in millennia, the King of the Gods doesn't feel like a distant sovereign, but rather like someone who, if only for a day, managed to survive the discipline of a little girl.