Work Text:
Sae's Pov:
My apartment felt lonely when Shidou wasn't here. It shouldn't feel this empty, not really. I used to live here alone before we were officially dating, well, not official for the public, but official for us. That had changed everything without actually changing the fact that it was still just my place.
After that, he started spending more time here than in his own dorm. He always said my apartment was better, bigger, quieter, more practical for what we usually ended up doing when we were alone. Or, more honestly, for sex. Like it was the most normal reason in the world to pick where you sleep.
Shidou had been away for a week already, and he wouldn't be back for another one. Some training program overseas, isolated facilities, no distractions, no contact unless it was necessary. Of course he agreed to it without hesitation. Of course he didn't think twice.
I exhaled slowly, staring at the ceiling like it might answer something for me.
My phone buzzed in my hand, but I didn't even know what I was looking for anymore. I was just scrolling. One video, then another, then another, until I ended up on that side of TikTok. The one people didn't admit they get to.
Usually I would've just refreshed my FYP immediately. Closed it. Pretended I didn't see anything. But something about those videos made me pause.
Ropes play.
Mhm.
I blinked at the screen.
I've never done that. Never seen it either, not properly. I've heard of it, sure. People talked about it like it was obvious, like it was just another thing couples did once they got bored enough or curious enough.
My thumb hovered over the screen again, but I didn't scroll away this time. I wasn't sure why I was still watching. Maybe it was just the idea of it. The control. The trust. The way they made it look so deliberate. Not rushed like everything usually was with us. Not messy in the usual way.
Shidou would probably laugh at me if I tried to explain it.
Or worse, he wouldn't laugh. He'd just look at me like I'd already agreed to something I hadn't even said out loud yet.
I swallowed, setting my phone down for a moment.
The apartment felt even quieter after that.
The thought hit me with a sharp, almost embarrassing clarity, PornHub would have better examples. TikTok's algorithm was too coy, too careful, just snippets of suggestive rope work with no real payoff. But PornHub? No one there pretended this was just artistic exploration.
I typed it in before I could second-guess myself, fingers moving faster than my brain could catch up. The page loaded, and suddenly my screen was filled with thumbnails of bodies tangled in intricate knots, limbs bent in ways that made my pulse stutter. I clicked the first video without reading the title, volume already muted, as if that would make it less obvious what I was doing.
The video played, and, oh. It wasn't just about restraint. The person on screen was arching into the ropes like they were an extension of their partner's hands, gasping silently as the knots tightened in just the right places. There was something almost methodical about it, the way the rope-wielder paused to check their partner's breathing, adjusting tension with focused precision. Not just control, but care.
The next video autoplayed, blonde guy spreadeagled beneath the bed, ropes looping under the mattress frame to pin his wrists and ankles in place, blindfold snug over his eyes. His chest rose and fell unevenly as his partner dragged a single fingertip down his sternum, slow, deliberate, watching every twitch. My throat went dry.
Shidou wouldn't bother with fingertip teasing. He'd climb right over me, knees bracketing my hips, that sharp grin of his daring me to squirm. Except I wouldn't be able to. That was the point. The thought sent a hot twist through my stomach, not just the loss of control, but the certainty that he'd enjoy it. That he'd take his time precisely because I couldn't rush him.
I paused the video, but the image lingered: the way the tied man's back arched when his partner finally touched him properly, how his mouth went slack around silent pleas. My fingers tapped against my thigh, restless. Would I make noises like that? Or would Shidou knot a gag into place too, just to see my frustration when I couldn't voice it?
The confirmation email hit my inbox before I could regret it. Two-day shipping, discreet packaging, no returns necessary. I locked my phone and tossed it onto the couch like it might burn me, then immediately picked it back up to check the estimated delivery date again. Tuesday. Shidou wouldn't be back until Friday.
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The box arrived two days later, tucked discreetly between the mailman's arm and his clipboard like it was nothing special. I signed for it with my fingers twitching, my name coming out shaky on the electronic pad. The moment the door clicked shut behind me, I tore into the packaging like a kid at Christmas, except the contents weren't toys, not the innocent kind, anyway.
The ropes were softer than I expected, coiled neatly like a snake waiting to be unraveled. I ran a thumb along the braided length, testing the give. The video had made them look rough, almost punishing, but these had a subtle give, designed not to chafe.
The handcuffs were cold, heavier than the cheap novelty ones I'd seen in joke shops, with a quick-release latch that made my stomach flip.
The blindfold was simple black satin, no frills, just functional.
And then there was the harness, black leather, sturdy straps with gleaming buckles. I held it up against my chest, the weight of it pressing into my skin even before it was fastened.
The mesh shirt was an afterthought, really, but the way the fabric stretched between my fingers made me imagine how it would cling, how it would feel when Shidou's hands slid beneath it.
I shoved everything back into the box, then immediately pulled it out again. The ropes coiled around my wrist as if they belonged there, the harness dangling from my other hand like a question.
For a second, I regretted buying it. The ropes felt suddenly heavy in my hands, the harness stiff and unfamiliar against my skin. We already had a vibrator tucked in the nightstand, cock rings gathering dust in the back of the drawer, things we used when the mood struck but never talked about in daylight.
This was different. This required words, intention, a level of vulnerability I wasn't sure I could voice out. How would I even ask? Hey, Shidou, wanna tie me up like I'm some kind of present? My throat tightened at the thought. I wasn't good with words, not like this. Not when they mattered.
The box sat on the bed like an accusation. I could still return it. Stuff everything back inside, pretend it never happened. But then the image flickered again, Shidou's fingers weaving knots with that infuriating precision, the way his gaze would darken when he realized I couldn't squirm away. My stomach lurched. It was stupid. Embarrassing. And yet-
It turned me on.
The box landed on the floor with a soft thud, sliding halfway under the bed like it was trying to hide. I stared at it for a second, proof of my own ridiculousness, then snatched it up and shoved everything into the back of my closet behind a pile of old sweaters. Out of sight, but not out of mind. The mesh shirt slipped from my fingers as I tried to stuff it in last, the fabric snagging on a hanger.
Fine. Maybe I'd just burn the whole closet instead.
But then I picked it up again, holding the shirt by its shoulders like it might bite. The material was sheer black, the kind that would show everything and nothing at once. I pressed it against my chest, felt the cool slide of synthetic fibers against my skin. It was stupid. I was alone. Who was I trying to impress? The mirror?
I stripped off my t-shirt anyway. The mesh clung awkwardly at first, catching on my elbows until I wrestled it properly over my head. The hem settled just above my hips, the sleeves loose around my biceps. I turned sideways, catching my reflection in the bedroom mirror. The shirt left my stomach bare, the neckline dipping low enough to show the sharp lines of my collarbones. It was...
The flash blinded me for half a second, stupid, really, taking a photo in the dark like this. But I couldn't help it. The way the mesh caught the dim light from the hallway, the way my fingers hovered near the hem like I was about to tug it off (or maybe pull it tighter). It felt illicit, documenting something I hadn't even admitted to wanting yet.
I swiped to the photo before I could second-guess myself. My reflection stared back, all sharp angles and hesitant defiance. The shirt looked better than I'd expected, the fabric clinging in a way that made my breath hitch just a little. I zoomed in. Out. Deleted the photo. Then immediately opened my recently deleted folder to restore it.
Shidou would've laughed if he'd seen me like this, flustered by my own reflection, acting like I was committing some kind of crime. But he wasn't here. And that was the point.
"Idiot," I muttered under my breath, shoving the mesh shirt back into the box like it had personally offended me. The fabric caught on the edge of the cardboard, resisting for a second before surrendering with a soft snick. I stared at it, half-expecting it to crawl back out like some kind of horny poltergeist.
The closet door creaked when I shut it, loud in the quiet apartment. Too loud. Like it was judging me. I pressed my forehead against the wood and exhaled sharply through my nose. This was stupid. I was stupid. The whole thing was-
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I fished it out, expecting another promotional email from the sex shop, but the screen flashed with Shidou's name instead. My thumb hesitated over the notification. He wasn't supposed to contact me unless it was an emergency.
The notification pulsed against my palm like a live wire. Shidou. I tapped it before I could overthink it, before the closet full of unspoken intentions could whisper louder than his name on my screen.
Miss u.
Flight got fucked. Coming home tomorrow night instead.
Pick me up? 10:30am.
Three messages. No emojis, no punctuation, just Shidou's usual economy of words. I stared at them until the screen dimmed, then brightened again when my thumb brushed the keyboard. He wasn't supposed to text unless it was urgent. Was this urgent? Missing me?
Okay, I typed back. Simple. Neutral. Like my pulse wasn't hammering against my ribs. Like my fingers weren't hovering over the keyboard, itching to say more. I hit send before I could second-guess it, then immediately tossed my phone onto the bed like it might combust.
Three seconds passed. Five. The screen stayed dark.
I exhaled through my nose and snatched the phone back up, thumbs moving before my brain could catch up. Miss you too, I added, then scowled at the softening of it, the unasked-for honesty. Too late to unsend now. Not that Shidou would've cared either way. He'd probably grin at the delay, at the way I always caved when it came to him.
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The water hit too hot, stinging my skin pink before I adjusted the temperature. Steam fogged the shower glass instantly, obscuring my reflection, which was fine, I wasn't sure I wanted to see myself right now anyway. I'd woken up at 6:30 AM sharp, no alarm, no reason, just my stupid brain already racing with the knowledge that Shidou would be here today instead of Friday. The box in the closet had practically hummed from its hiding spot all night, like it knew.
I scrubbed my hair twice, then conditioned it. Shampooed again for no reason. Exfoliated my arms until they tingled. Shaved everything, legs, underarms, the patch of hair below my navel Shidou always bit playfully, even though I never bothered unless we were going somewhere fancy. Which we weren't. Which he didn't even know about yet. My hands shook a little as I rinsed the razor under the spray.
The shower gel smelled like cedar, something Shidou had picked out months ago because he said it reminded him of the old archery range at school. I lathered it over my chest, my thighs, between my fingers like I was trying to scrub away the restless energy thrumming under my skin. It didn't work.
The hairdryer's hum drowned out everything else, the rustle of the shower curtain, the drip of residual water from the faucet, even the traitorous voice in my head whispering what if he says no?
I raked my fingers through damp strands, letting the heat scorch away the last lingering chill on my skin. When I finally switched it off, the silence felt heavier than the steam still clinging to the bathroom tiles.
I stepped out barefoot onto the bath mat, leaving wet footprints in my wake. Towel abandoned on the sink, I didn't bother wrapping up. The apartment was empty. Who was I hiding from? The mirror? It had already seen everything. Still, I avoided looking too closely as I passed it, as if my reflection might mouth the words I hadn't said aloud yet.
The hallway floorboards creaked underfoot, familiar as a heartbeat. My phone lay facedown on the nightstand where I'd tossed it last night, Shidou's messages still burning a hole in the screen. 10:30am. I had two hours left. Too many. Not enough.
The boxers went on first, black cotton sticking slightly to damp skin. Then the pants, loose, black, impractical for anything except lounging or being peeled off by impatient hands. The belt buckle clinked as I threaded it through loops, metal cold against my fingers. I hesitated before tightening it. Too loose and they'd sag. Too tight and Shidou would notice the fussiness immediately, would smirk and ask if I was expecting company.
The mesh shirt slithered over my head like a second skin, the fabric catching on my elbows until I wrestled it into place. It clung differently than before, still sheer but now damp from my shower, the material puckering where droplets hadn't fully dried. I tugged the hem down, then up, then left it rumpled. Stupid. Who was I performing for? The mirror? My reflection stared back, all sharp collarbones and self-conscious shoulders.
The harness came next. Leather straps were stiffer than I remembered, the buckles clicking ominously as I adjusted them. The center strap crossed over my sternum, the side ones framing my ribs like parentheses. Too tight. I loosened the left one by two notches. Still too tight. Or maybe it was my lungs refusing to cooperate. The video hadn't mentioned this part, the way the leather would creak when I moved, how the straps would dig in if I slouched.
I wasn't sure why I wore it. The mesh shirt clung like a second skin, the harness straps digging faint crescents into my shoulders. For a second, I considered tearing it all off, peeling away the ridiculous performance before it could solidify into something real. But then my fingers brushed the white hoodie draped over the chair, the one Shidou had tossed at me on our second date after I'd shivered through an impromptu motorcycle ride in the rain.
It was too big, swallowing my frame whole, the sleeves pooling past my fingertips. I yanked it over my head before I could second-guess myself. The mesh shirt hissed against the hoodie's lining, the harness straps pressing through the fabric in subtle ridges. A compromise. A secret. The hoodie smelled like laundry detergent and something faintly metallic, Shidou's dormitory soap, probably. I buried my nose in the collar and inhaled, stupidly, like that would summon him faster.
The TikTok algorithm had officially given up on me. Thirty minutes of rope tutorials, fifteen minutes of shaky POV footage from professional riggers, and now, somehow, a deep dive into competitive knot-tying championships. I blinked at the screen, watching a middle-aged man in a sailor's cap speed-knot a hangman's noose while the timer ticked down. My thumb hovered over the like button before I caught myself. What was wrong with me?
The clock on my phone read 9:47AM. Shidou's flight would land in forty-three minutes. I should've been out the door already, keys in hand, playlist queued up. Instead, I was sprawled on the couch with my ankles crossed, watching a woman demonstrate a decorative harness on a mannequin. Her fingers moved with hypnotic precision, looping and tightening in a rhythm that made my pulse stutter. I swallowed hard.
Focus.
The keys jangled in my hand like an accusation. I hesitated at the door, one foot already in the hallway, the other still rooted to the apartment's worn floorboards. The harness straps pressed faintly against my shoulders under the hoodie, a silent reminder of the box still hidden in the closet.
Stupid.
I should've changed. Should've peeled off the mesh shirt, unbuckled the leather, pretended I hadn't spent the last hour watching tutorials like some overeager amateur. But the clock on my phone blinked 10:09AM, and Shidou's plane would land in twenty-one minutes whether I was ready or not.
The car door stuck when I yanked it open, the hinge protesting with a metallic whine. I slid into the driver's seat, the leather creaking under me, and jammed the key into the ignition. The engine sputtered to life, the radio blaring static until I slapped it silent. My fingers drummed against the steering wheel, restless. The air conditioning smelled faintly of stale coffee and the pine tree air freshener Shidou had shoved into the vent months ago, its branches now brittle and yellowed.
Traffic moved like molasses. Every red light stretched longer than the last, every pedestrian crossing slower than necessary. I chewed the inside of my cheek, eyes flicking between the road and the clock on the dashboard. 10:39AM. Shidou would be at baggage claim by now, duffel slung over one shoulder, that infuriating smirk already in place because he knew I'd be late. The thought made my foot press harder on the gas.
The arrivals board blinked at me in mocking green letters, DELAYED 40 MINUTES, and I exhaled so hard the woman beside me glanced over. Relief prickled up my spine, but it didn't ease the restless twist in my stomach. Fourty minutes. I hadn't been late after all. Just eager. It was 10:59 by now.
I tugged the hoodie sleeves over my knuckles, the fabric swallowing my hands whole. The harness straps pressed into my shoulders with every shift, a silent accusation. Stupid. I should've changed. Should've peeled it all off in the car, stuffed the mesh shirt into the glove compartment, pretended this was just another Tuesday. But the airport's fluorescent lights made everything feel like a confession, and I couldn't stop adjusting the hem of my hoodie.
A kid sprinted past, squealing, and I flinched. The waiting area was too bright, too loud, all echoing announcements and rolling suitcases. I slumped into a plastic chair near the gate, knees jiggling. The seat was still warm from someone else's impatience.
A small hand tugged at my sleeve before I even registered the movement. "Excuse me," piped a high-pitched voice, "are you Itoshi Sae?"
I blinked down at a kid no taller than my legs, clutching a phone with cracked screen protector. Behind him, two more children hovered, their airport pajamas wrinkled from a long flight. The recognition clicked a second too late, kids didn't usually approach me in public.
"Yeah," I said, automatic. The word came out flatter than intended.
The kid thrust the phone toward my face, fingers smudging the cracked screen protector. "My brother said you're famous," he announced, as if this explained everything. The other two shuffled closer, their airport pajamas wrinkled from a long flight.
I forced my mouth into what I hoped resembled a smile. The muscles felt stiff, unpracticed. "Not really," I muttered, but the kid was already leaning in, arm extended at an awkward angle to fit us both in the frame. His elbow dug into my ribs.
"Say cheese!" one of the others shouted.
The camera flashed, blinding for half a second, just as a familiar voice cut through the airport noise: "Jesus, kid, warn a guy before you blind him."
My head snapped up. Shidou stood three feet away, duffel slung over one shoulder, sunglasses perched atop his head despite the terminal's fluorescent lighting. The kids scattered like startled pigeons, their giggles fading into the crowd as Shidou dropped into the empty seat beside me. His knee knocked against mine, warm even through the fabric of my pants.
"Flight got un-fucked faster than expected," he said, grinning like he hadn't been gone two weeks, like he hadn't just materialized out of thin air. His fingers drummed against his thigh, restless in a way I recognized, jetlag, adrenaline, the same energy that made him pace locker rooms before matches.
His knee bumped mine again, this time deliberately, the warmth of it seeping through my hoodie and the harness straps underneath. Shidou leaned in, breath hot against my ear, voice pitched low enough that the hum of the airport couldn't swallow it.
"Missed you so much I might lose my fucking mind if I don't kiss you in the next thirty seconds," he murmured, fingers brushing the back of my wrist where it rested on my thigh. "So we better hurry up to the car."
The suitcase handle was still warm from Shidou's grip when I took it from him, our fingers brushing just long enough to send a jolt up my arm. He didn't let go immediately, his thumb pressing into the center of my palm for a heartbeat too long, a silent dare, a question. Then he released it with a smirk, falling into step beside me, close enough that I could smell the stale airplane air clinging to his jacket, but not close enough to draw attention.
We walked like strangers who happened to be heading the same way, the suitcase rolling between us like a poorly drawn boundary. Every few steps, Shidou's elbow would bump mine, casual as a mistake, but the way his knuckles lingered against my wrist afterward was anything but accidental. The airport was too crowded, too bright, cameras everywhere, some pointed at us, some not, but all dangerous in their own way.
A group of girls whispered behind their hands as we passed, their phones angled just slightly upward. Shidou flashed them a grin, all teeth and practiced charm, and they dissolved into giggles. I kept my eyes forward, my grip tightening on the suitcase handle. It was always like this: him playing into the rumors just enough to keep them guessing, me pretending not to notice.
The car door clicked shut behind me with a finality that made my pulse jump. I barely had time to register the weight of the keys still dangling from my fingers before Shidou's hand hooked into the collar of my hoodie and yanked me forward. His mouth crashed into mine before the seatbelt warning could even finish beeping, hot, insistent, tasting like airplane peanuts and the spearmint gum he'd obviously just popped to cover it up.
I scrambled for purchase, one hand braced against the dashboard, the other still clutching the keys so hard the teeth dug into my palm. Shidou didn't seem to notice or care, his fingers sliding up the back of my neck, into my hair, tugging just hard enough to make me gasp into his mouth. The harness straps bit into my shoulders under the hoodie, hidden but present, a secret pressed between us like a second heartbeat.
He pulled back first, breathing ragged, his free hand already working at the seatbelt he hadn't bothered to fasten. "Missed you," he muttered against my lips, thumb brushing the hinge of my jaw. Simple. Direct. Like it was the most obvious thing in the world. The overhead light flickered out automatically, plunging us into the dim glow of the parking garage fluorescents.
The second kiss came before I could turn the key in the ignition, Shidou's hand fisting in the front of my hoodie, dragging me across the center console like he couldn't wait another second. His teeth caught my lower lip, sharp enough to sting, and I hissed into his mouth, the sound swallowed whole by the rumble of the engine finally turning over. He tasted like spearmint and the stale bitterness of airplane coffee, and when he pulled back, his grin was all victory.
"Missed that," he said, thumb brushing the corner of my swollen mouth. "Missed you."
I shoved him off halfheartedly, my pulse thundering in my ears. "Seatbelt," I muttered, but he just laughed, sprawling back into the passenger seat like he owned it. The harness straps pressed into my shoulders as I adjusted the mirror, a silent reminder of the box still hidden in my closet. Shidou's knee bumped mine as I shifted into drive, deliberate, insistent. "So," he drawled, stretching his arms behind his head. "Training sucked."
The car lurched forward, my grip too tight on the wheel. "Yeah?" I kept my eyes on the road, but I could feel his gaze like a physical weight, tracing the line of my throat where the hoodie dipped. "You look fine to me."
"Coach worked us like dogs," he continued, ignoring me. His fingers drummed against the dashboard, restless. "Six a.m. drills, midnight film sessions, fucking military camp vibes." A pause. Then, quieter: "Couldn't even jerk off properly. Shared walls."
The laugh punched out of me before I could stop it. "That's what you missed most?"
Shidou shook his head, the overhead garage light catching the sharp angle of his jaw as he turned toward me. "Missed waking up next to you more," he said, casual as if commenting on the weather, but his fingers tapped a restless rhythm against the seatbelt strap. Then, with that infuriating half-grin: "But sex also."
I flexed my hands on the wheel, the harness straps pressing into my shoulders with every shallow breath. "Shared walls, huh?" I said instead of acknowledging the heat creeping up my neck.
Shidou stretched, the movement deliberately careless, his elbow brushing my arm. "Paper-thin. Heard the guy next door crying after phone sex with his girlfriend. Pathetic." He paused, eyeing me sideways. "You didn't call."
"You told me emergency only," I said, fingers tightening around the steering wheel. The harness straps dug into my shoulders under the hoodie. "Crying over phone sex doesn't count."
Shidou snorted, slouching lower in his seat until his head nearly rested against the window. "Neither does missing you, apparently." He flicked a glance at me, too quick to read before his gaze slid back to the road. "Guess I fucked up the definition."
The stoplight ahead turned red, bleeding color across the dashboard. I exhaled through my nose. "You didn't call either."
Shidou's hand closed over mine on the gearshift before I could downshift at the next light. His fingers laced through my right hand, rough and warm, squeezing just enough to make my pulse jump. I kept my left hand on the wheel, knuckles whitening, the harness straps pressing into my shoulders with every shallow breath.
"Didn't want the others to know," he said suddenly, thumb brushing my wrist where it rested against the leather. His voice was quieter than I'd ever heard it, barely audible over the hum of the engine. "About us."
The light turned green. I didn't move.
Shidou exhaled sharply through his nose, his grip tightening fractionally. "You weren't ready to tell the world yet. Wasn't gonna take that from you." His thumb traced the ridge of my knuckles, slow, deliberate. "And hearing your voice would've turned me on too much anyway."
I laughed, shaking my head as the car idled at the light. "Christ, you sound like a horny teenager."
Shidou's grin turned wolfish in the glow of the dashboard lights. "I am," he said, shrugging with that infuriating nonchalance of his. Then, quieter, almost to himself: "Sometimes." His fingers twitched against mine, restless.
The confession lingered between us, stupidly vulnerable in a way Shidou rarely allowed himself to be. The light turned green. I didn't move.
The light blinked green for the third time when Shidou finally squeezed my hand with his. "Drive," he murmured, lips brushing my earlobe. The words sent a shiver down my spine, his breath warm against the shell of my ear. I swallowed hard and eased the car forward, my knuckles still white around the wheel.
Silence settled between us, thick but not uncomfortable. The city slid by in streaks of neon and shadow, the rhythm of stoplights and turns familiar enough that my hands relaxed incrementally. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Shidou stretch, the hem of his shirt riding up to reveal a sliver of tanned skin. He caught me looking and smirked, but didn't comment.
Five blocks. Seven. The harness straps pressed into my shoulders with every breath, a secret weight beneath the hoodie. At the ninth red light, Shidou's fingers brushed my thigh, light as a question. "Meant it," he said suddenly, voice rough in the quiet. "About missing you."
His fingers traced idle patterns on my thigh, creeping higher with each red light, each lazy smirk tossed my way like a challenge. "Bet you didn't miss this traffic," Shidou murmured, his thumb brushing the inseam of my pants. The harness straps bit into my shoulders when I shifted gears, hidden under layers but suddenly impossible to ignore.
"You're gonna make me crash," I muttered, swatting his hand away halfheartedly.
Shidou laughed, low and throaty, leaning across the center console until his breath ghosted over my ear. "Wouldn't be the first time." His teeth grazed my earlobe, quick, sharp, before he pulled back, grinning at the way my fingers spasmed around the wheel. The stoplight turned green. I didn't move until the car behind us honked.
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The elevator doors slid shut with a hushed click, sealing us in the mirrored box that smelled faintly of industrial cleaner and Shidou's travel-worn jacket. His suitcase sat between us like an afterthought, wheels still warm from my grip.
"Six fucking hours," Shidou muttered, raking a hand through his hair, jetlag and irritation making the gesture sharper than usual. Then he blinked, catching my reflection in the elevator's polished surface. His smirk returned like flipping a switch. "You're staring."
I tore my gaze away from the way his throat moved when he swallowed, focusing instead on the floor numbers blinking upward. "Am not."
The lie tasted cheap even to me. Shidou's laugh vibrated through the small space as he stepped over the suitcase, crowding me against the cold metal wall. His palms hit the surface on either side of my head, caging me in without touching. The harness straps bit into my shoulders under the hoodie, suddenly too tight, too present.
Shidou's mouth crashed into mine before I could protest, his hands abandoning the wall to fist in my hoodie instead. His teeth caught my lower lip, sharp enough to sting, and I gasped into his mouth, just as the doors slid open with a cheerful ping.
"Move," Shidou growled against my lips, but he didn't let go, walking me backward out of the elevator while still kissing me, our footsteps stumbling in tandem. My heel caught on the threshold and I jerked forward, forehead knocking against his collarbone.
Shidou laughed into my mouth, hands sliding under my hoodie to grip the harness straps digging into my shoulders. "Fuck, you're already-"
The elevator doors began to close. Shidou cursed, shoving me out with one hand while slapping the other against the sensor. The door recoiled violently, nearly clipping his shoulder as he tumbled after me into the hallway. My keys slipped from my fingers, clattering onto the cheap laminate floor.
The apartment door clicked shut behind us, barely, before Shidou's hands were already under my hoodie, fingers tracing the leather harness straps with a roughness that made my breath hitch.
"Fucking hell," he muttered against my neck, teeth scraping skin as he crowded me back against the doorframe. His suitcase toppled sideways, forgotten, the sound muffled by the way his thigh slotted between mine, pressing just hard enough to make me groan.
"Show me," he demanded, breath hot against my jawline, fingers already tugging at the hoodie's zipper. The metal teeth caught halfway down, but Shidou didn't pause, just shoved the fabric aside to reveal the mesh shirt clinging to my chest. His exhale was audible, sharp, punched-out, as his thumb brushed a nipple through the sheer material. "You wore this to the airport?"
I swallowed hard, the harness straps digging in as he pushed me harder against the door. "No one saw."
Shidou's thumb stilled on the harness strap, pressing just hard enough to make me squirm. "When'd you get this?" His voice was low, rough around the edges like he'd been swallowing gravel.
Heat prickled up my neck. "Last week," I muttered, turning my face away so he wouldn't see the flush creeping across my cheeks. The mesh shirt clung to my ribs with every shallow breath, suddenly too tight, too obvious.
His laugh vibrated through my sternum where his palm flattened against it. "Last week," he repeated, slow, deliberate, like he was tasting the words. His fingers traced the central strap from collarbone to navel, pausing at the buckle. "And you wore it to pick me up like some fucking present."
The hoodie pooled on the floor behind us like a discarded second skin, one sleeve still hooked around my wrist before Shidou yanked it free. His grip on my harness straps never loosened, steering me backward down the hallway with a single-minded intensity that made my knees weak.
The apartment blurred at the edges, the half-unpacked duffel by the door, the abandoned takeout containers on the coffee table, the stupid fucking box still hidden in the closet, none of it mattered as long as his fingers kept digging into the leather crossed over my sternum.
"Wait-"
My heel caught on the threshold, sending me stumbling into the bedroom doorframe. Shidou didn't pause, just twisted me around and shoved me through the doorway, his palm flat between my shoulder blades. The harness straps creaked under the sudden pressure, the sound obscenely loud in the quiet apartment.
Shidou's knee hit the back of my thigh before I could right myself, forcing me down onto the mattress with a breathless grunt. His weight settled over me before I could roll over, one hand pinning my wrist above my head, the other tracing the mesh shirt's hem where it rode up my ribs. "This stays on," he murmured, thumb brushing the sensitive skin beneath the harness strap. Not a request.
"You reek of airplane," I muttered, pressing my palms flat against his chest to shove him back, or tried to. Shidou barely budged, his weight pinning me to the mattress like a challenge. His grin widened, all teeth, as he leaned down to drag his nose along the column of my throat.
"Think that's the point, sweetheart." His breath was hot against my damp skin, the words slurred with exhaustion and want. "Smell like I fucking earned this."
The harness straps dug into my shoulders when I twisted, the mesh shirt riding up as I planted a foot against his hip. "Shower. Now." My voice came out sharper than intended, frayed at the edges. "I'm not letting your travel grime all over my sheets."
Shidou froze halfway through mouthing at my collarbone, his exhale shuddering against my skin. For a heartbeat, I thought he'd ignore me, would pin my wrists harder and lick into my mouth just to prove he could. Then he cursed, low and filthy, and rolled off me in one fluid motion.
"Fuck," he muttered, dragging a hand through his hair as he stood. The mattress shifted under his absence, springs creaking. "You're mean when you're bossy."
I watched him peel his shirt off over his head, the fabric catching on his elbows before he tossed it toward the hamper. It missed by a foot, landing in a heap on the floor. Shidou didn't seem to notice, already working at his belt with rough, impatient tugs. The leather slid free with a whisper, buckle clinking against the hardwood as he dropped it without looking.
Shidou paused in the doorway, one hand braced against the frame like he needed the support. The bathroom light haloed his silhouette, casting his bare shoulders in sharp relief. Water droplets already dotted his skin from the shower he hadn't taken yet.
"Don't move," he ordered, voice rougher than the jetlag should've warranted. His eyes flicked down my body, lingering on the harness straps still over the mesh shirt. "Don't fucking breathe if you can help it."
The bathroom door clicked shut behind him before I could retort. The shower hissed to life a second later, water pounding against the tiles like a metronome set too fast. I stared at the ceiling, the harness straps pressing into my back with every measured exhale. Don't move.
The shower ran long enough for the steam to curl under the bathroom door, tendrils of heat licking at the hardwood like something alive. I kept my hands folded over my stomach, the harness straps digging into my shoulders with every breath, staring at the ceiling crack I'd memorized during his absence. It branched like lightning, jagged and pointless. Shidou would've called it a metaphor if he'd ever noticed it.
Water pounded against the tiles in a rhythm just shy of frantic. I imagined him under the spray, head tipped back, shoulders flexing as he scrubbed airport grime from his skin. The shower gel would be his, cedar-scented and too harsh, the kind that left my skin pink and stinging if I used it.
He never rinsed properly either, always missed a spot behind his ear or the nape of his neck, and I'd find it later when my tongue dipped into the hollow of his throat, salt and soap and him.
A towel hit the floor with a wet slap. My fingers twitched against my ribs, itching to reach for the bedside drawer where the lube sat untouched since he'd left. Two weeks. Fourteen days of showers too cold, beds too big, silence too loud.
I'd missed sex, yeah, the press of his teeth against my pulse, the way his hips stuttered when he came, but more than that, I'd missed the weight of him against my back at 3 AM, his snarky commentary on bad late-night TV, the way he'd hum off-key in the kitchen while burning eggs.
The bathroom door creaked open on rusty hinges, I'd meant to fix that, steam rolling out in lazy waves. Shidou stood framed in the doorway, hair dripping onto his shoulders, towel slung low on his hips. Water tracked down his sternum, disappearing into the terrycloth. His gaze pinned me to the mattress like a butterfly. "Told you not to move."
"I didn't," I lied. My fingers had migrated to the central harness strap, tugging at the buckle in a nervous rhythm.
Shidou crossed the room in three strides, knee dipping the mattress as he climbed over me. His palm flattened over mine, stilling my fidgeting. "Liar." His thumb brushed my knuckles, rough from over-washing during his absence. The shower heat hadn't faded from his skin yet; he radiated warmth like a furnace.
"Do you... actually like it?" The words slipped out too quiet. My fingers twitched against the harness strap, the leather suddenly too tight, too obvious.
Shidou paused halfway through toweling his hair dry, water droplets scattering across his bare shoulders. His gaze flicked down to where I was still sprawled across the bed, then back up to my face. Slowly, deliberately, he dropped the towel to the floor and sank to his knees at the foot of the mattress.
His palms settled warm on my knees as he stared up at me, all uncharacteristic stillness. The shower had washed away the airplane grime but left his eyelashes clumped together in dark spikes, making his gaze heavier somehow.
Shidou's thumbs pressed into the soft skin behind my knees, just hard enough to make me twitch. His hands were warmer than they should've been after a shower, like his pulse was still racing under the surface.
"Look at me."
The words came out quieter than his usual teasing, softer than his airport demands. I lifted my chin a fraction, gaze catching on the water droplet clinging to his collarbone instead of meeting his eyes. His fingers tightened minutely, not enough to hurt, just enough to notice.
The droplet slid down Shidou's chest, disappearing into the dip of his sternum. His breath hitched when my gaze followed it. His hands slid up my thighs, slow, deliberate, fingers tracing the edges of the harness straps where they bit into my skin. "You really think I wouldn't?" His voice was raw, stripped of its usual smirk.
I swallowed hard. The mattress creaked as he leaned forward, lips brushing the inside of my palm. "Tell me." His teeth grazed skin, not quite biting. "Why'd you buy it?"
My fingers twitched against the sheets. "Saw a video," I muttered. The admission tasted too honest, too vulnerable.
Shidou's fingers stilled on the harness buckle. "Show me," he said, so quiet I almost didn't catch it.
I exhaled through my nose, fingers trembling as I reached for my phone. The screen lit up with the video still cached, a PornHub tutorial paused mid-frame, some faceless dom demonstrating harness adjustments with clinical precision. Shidou's breath hitched when I tilted the screen toward him.
Shidou's fingers tightened around my phone, his thumb brushing the screen where it had gone dark again. He didn't laugh. Didn't smirk. Just exhaled slowly through his nose, his shoulders rising and falling with the weight of it. The harness straps pressed into my collarbones when I swallowed.
"It's stupid," I muttered, reaching for the phone.
Shidou held it just out of reach, his free hand sliding up my thigh to press flat against the harness buckle. "Tell me."
The words stuck in my throat, glued there by days of rehearsing this moment in shower steam and midnight sheets. "I liked-" My voice cracked. Shidou's fingers flexed against the leather strap, silent encouragement. "The way they touched each other. Like they had all the time in the world to figure it out."
Shidou's thumb traced the edge of the buckle, slow, deliberate. His voice dropped to something rough at the edges. "You think I'd say no?"
I stared at the ceiling crack instead of his face. "Didn't know how to ask."
Shidou's laugh punched through the silence, sudden and bright, but not cruel, never cruel with me. His thumb brushed the harness strap over my ribs, tracing the leather like he was memorizing its path.
"Should've known you'd pick the hottest one," he murmured, teeth flashing in a grin that softened at the edges when I tensed. "Never be ashamed of asking for anything, idiot. Especially not this."
His palm settled warm over the central buckle, right where my pulse rabbited beneath it. The weight of his gaze dragged down my body, slow as syrup, lingering on the mesh shirt clinging to my sweat-damp skin. "Fuck," he exhaled, voice scraped raw. "You look-" His fingers flexed against the strap, cutting off the thought.
"You look absolutely breathtaking."
Then he was leaning over me, bracketing my hips with his knees, shower heat still rolling off his skin in waves. The harness straps creaked under his grip when he hauled me up to meet his mouth. His kiss tasted like spearmint and the cedar soap he never rinsed properly, insistent enough to steal my breath.
I arched into it, hands finding purchase on his bare shoulders, still slick from the shower. Shidou's teeth caught my lower lip on the retreat, tugging just hard enough to make me groan. "Say it again," I demanded against his mouth, fingers tightening in his damp hair.
Shidou grinned, all teeth and wolfish intent, dragging his palms down the harness straps with deliberate pressure. "You're fucking gorgeous like this," he murmured, thumb catching on the mesh shirt's hem. "Should've told me sooner." His hands slid under the fabric, calluses scraping my ribs. "Would've bought you ten of these."
The harness straps dug into my shoulders when he pushed me back against the pillows, his mouth finding the hollow of my throat. His fingers worked at the central buckle with surprising deftness, had he watched tutorials too?, but paused when I tensed.
"Still okay?" Shidou's voice was rough against my collarbone, his breath hot on damp skin.
I hesitated, fingers twitching against the mattress seam where the fabric had started fraying during his absence. Shidou's breath warmed the hollow of my throat where he'd paused, his thumbs still hooked under the harness straps.
"There's-" My voice cracked. The words stuck somewhere between my ribs and tongue, too heavy to push out. Shidou lifted his head, water droplets from his hair splashing onto my collarbones. His gaze pinned me in place more effectively than the harness ever could.
"Spit it out," he murmured, thumb brushing the strap over my ribs. Not impatient. Just waiting.
I took a shuddering breath that made the harness creak. "Bought other things," I managed, staring at the ceiling crack instead of his face. "You can say no if-"
"I'd never say no to you, sweetheart."
The box sat at the bottom of the closet where I'd shoved it two days ago, half-hidden under a pile of mismatched socks. Shidou's fingers drummed against my hipbone as I knelt to retrieve it, his restless energy buzzing against my skin even through layers of fabric. The cardboard was slightly dented from when I'd kicked it out of sight after unpacking the harness, the shipping label still peeling at one corner.
Shidou's breath hitched when I set the box between us on the bed, his fingers stilling mid-tap. "Christ," he muttered, thumb brushing the packing tape. "You went all out."
The box creaked when Shidou flipped the lid open, like it was holding its breath. Inside, nestled in wrinkled tissue paper, lay the handcuffs (still sticky with factory grease), the blindfold (black silk, softer than it had any right to be), and the ropes (hemp, coiled tight like sleeping snakes). And beneath them, barely visible, the instruction pamphlet I'd shoved to the bottom after reading it exactly once.
Shidou's fingers hovered over the handcuffs, not touching, just tracing the metal curves in the air. His grin was slow, dangerous. "These the kind with keys?"
I swallowed hard. "Yeah. Safety release."
He hummed, noncommittal, picking up the blindfold between thumb and forefinger like it might bite. The silk slithered through his fingers, pooling in his palm. When he raised it to his nose and inhaled, my stomach flipped. "Smells new," he murmured, and something about the way his voice dipped made my pulse stutter.
"Up," Shidou murmured against the hinge of my jaw, his teeth grazing skin as he nudged me off the mattress with his knee. The harness straps dug into my shoulders when I rolled to the side, still half-dazed from his mouth.
He moved with the same focused intensity he reserved for penalty kicks, palms sliding under the mattress in one smooth heave, muscles flexing along his bare shoulders as he lifted. The bedframe groaned under the sudden shift, revealing the dust bunnies and lost guitar picks accumulated beneath. His fingers brushed something metallic.
"These?" Shidou held up the rusted bedframe hooks like they'd personally offended him, water from his hair dripping onto the exposed slats. The ropes coiled around his wrist looked obscenely thick against his tanned skin.
I nodded, throat tight. He made a considering noise and knelt beside the bed, the hem of his towel riding up his thighs as he threaded the first rope through the hooks with surprising dexterity. His fingers moved with the same precision he used to lace his cleats, methodical, practiced, but his breathing had gone uneven.
The mattress dipped under Shidou's knee as he crowded over me, ropes coiled around his wrist like an extension of his pulse. His fingers skimmed the harness strap over my ribs, pausing at the buckle, not undoing it, just resting there, a question in the curl of his knuckles. His exhale was ragged, too warm against my collarbone. "You sure?"
Three words, barely louder than the creak of the bedframe. But the way his thumb pressed into the leather strap, just shy of painful, made my breath hitch. He wasn't asking about the harness anymore.
I swallowed hard, the ropes brushing my thigh where they dangled from his grip. "Yeah," I managed, voice cracking. Shidou's pupils dilated, black swallowing pink. His free hand fisted in the sheets beside my head, tendons standing stark.
"Say it." His teeth grazed my earlobe, sharp enough to make me twitch. "Tell me you trust me."
"I trust you." The words came out ragged, too honest, stripped bare between us like the ropes coiled in Shidou's lap. His breath stuttered against my collarbone, warm and sudden, before he leaned back just enough to meet my eyes. The harness straps creaked with the shift.
Shidou's fingers trembled, actually trembled, when he lifted the first rope, the fibers whispering against my wrist as he looped it once, twice, his touch feather-light. His knuckles brushed my pulse point, and for a heartbeat, I thought he'd feel how wild it was beneath his fingers.
The second loop tightened just enough to notice, the hemp rough against my skin in a way that made my breath hitch. Shidou paused, his thumb pressing into the inside of my wrist where the rope crossed. "Too tight?"
I shook my head, unable to speak, the ropes suddenly the only thing keeping me grounded as he worked. His fingers moved with surprising precision, weaving knots that looked complicated but felt secure, each tug testing the give without ever crossing into pain.
Shidou's fingers hesitated at the waistband of my pants, his knuckles brushing the harness strap where it dipped below my navel. His exhale was ragged against my collarbone, not nervous, but deliberate, like he was savoring the moment before breaking some unspoken rule. The first button popped open with a soft snick, his thumb tracing the exposed strip of skin beneath.
"Lift," he murmured against my throat, and my hips arched automatically, the mattress creaking beneath us. The pants slid down my thighs with agonizing slowness, his palms skating over bare skin as he peeled the fabric away like unwrapping something precious. The cool air hit my legs just as his teeth grazed my pulse point, a sharp contrast that made me shudder.
The underwear followed in one fluid motion, his fingers hooking under the elastic before I could brace for it. The harness straps pulled taut when I twitched, the sudden exposure sending heat prickling up my neck. Shidou's laugh was dark, appreciative, his palm flattening against my inner thigh to still my reflexive squirming. "Easy," he breathed, thumb pressing into the soft skin there. "We're just getting started."
The ropes slid cool and rough around my ankles, Shidou's fingers pausing just long enough to make me twitch. "Easy," he murmured, his thumb pressing into the arch of my foot, not hard enough to hurt, just enough to remind me he was there. The harness straps pulled taut when I shifted, the mattress dipping under his weight as he knelt between my legs. His exhale ghosted over my inner thigh, warm and sudden, before the first loop tightened.
The second knot came quicker, his hands surer now as he worked the rope into intricate coils around my calves. I'd seen those hands break noses on the field, knew the violence they were capable of, but here they moved with terrifying precision, each twist of hemp calculated to restrain without cutting off circulation. Shidou's grin flashed wolfish when he caught me staring, his fingers lingering at the sensitive hollow behind my knee. "Ticklish?"
I jerked instinctively, the ropes biting into my skin as I tried to kick. Shidou caught my ankle mid-air, his grip firm but not punishing. The harness straps groaned under the sudden tension, leather creaking like a ship in a storm. His laughter vibrated through my bones as he pinned my leg back down, palm flattening against my shin. "Uh-uh," he chided, dragging his teeth over the knob of my ankle. "You asked for this."
Shidou's thumb paused on the blindfold's edge, the silk whispering against his calluses. His breath hitched, barely audible, but I felt it in the way his ribs expanded against my thigh where he knelt between my legs. "Can I-" His voice cracked, raw around the edges like he'd been swallowing glass.
The ropes around my wrists creaked when I flexed my fingers. His gaze flicked down to the movement, then back up to my face, pink eyes darkened with something unreadable.
"Say it," I whispered. The harness straps dug into my shoulders when I lifted my chin. "Ask me properly."
Shidou's fingers tightened around the blindfold, silk crumpling in his grip. His chest rose and fell in quick bursts, ribs pressing against my thigh with each exhale. When he spoke, his voice was low, not the teasing growl from the elevator, not the rough command in the shower, but something quieter, almost reverent. "Let me."
The ropes pulled taut as I lifted my chin higher. "Let you what?"
"Let me put on the blindfold on you." His voice was barely more than a whisper.
The blindfold slithered across my eyelids before I could respond, Shidou's fingers trembling against my temples as he tied the silk tight enough to pinch. His breath hitched when I twitched, not from discomfort, but from the sudden, dizzying darkness pressing in. The ropes creaked as I tested them, the hemp rough against my wrists, grounding me more effectively than the harness ever could.
Shidou's exhale was ragged against my collarbone, his teeth scraping skin as he leaned in close enough for me to taste spearmint and cedar soap. "Count for me," he murmured, lips brushing my earlobe. His fingers traced the harness strap over my ribs, pausing at the buckle. "Out loud."
The first number stuck in my throat, cracking halfway through. Shidou's fingers tightened on the harness buckle, not punishing, just present, his breath hot against my temple where he'd paused to adjust the blindfold's knot. The silk pulled tighter with every swallow, fabric whispering against my lashes.
"One," I managed, voice scraped raw.
Shidou hummed, approving, his palm skating down my sternum to splay over my ribs. The harness straps groaned under his grip when he leaned in, his teeth finding the hollow of my throat. His exhale shuddered against my skin as he bit down just hard enough to make me gasp. "Two," I choked out, fingers twisting in the ropes.
Shidou's lips brushed the inside of my thigh with a reverence that made my breath stutter. "So fucking perfect," he murmured against the sensitive skin, the words vibrating through muscle and bone. His teeth grazed the same spot a second later, sharp enough to make me jerk against the ropes. "Look at you." His palm slid up my ribs, tracing the harness straps like he was memorizing their path. "Tied up just for me."
His tongue swiped a slow stripe along my inner thigh, pausing to nip at the tendon there. "Knew you'd look good like this," he admitted, voice rough with something warmer than lust. "Knew it the second I saw that fucking harness." His fingers tightened around my hipbone, possessive but careful, like he was afraid I'd dissolve under his touch. "But this?" He exhaled sharply, his breath hot against damp skin. "Christ. You're breathtaking."
The blindfold made every shift of his weight louder, every hitch of his breath closer. His lips found the crease of my thigh, kissing there with a tenderness that shouldn't have existed alongside the ropes cutting into my wrists. "Count," he reminded me, but it was gentler this time, almost an afterthought.
The ropes creaked under my wrists when I arched against them, three, I gasped, but Shidou's palm pressed flat against my ribs, holding me down with a weight that belied his gentle tone. His breath ghosted over my damp skin, lips trailing kisses up the inside of my thigh with agonizing slowness. When his teeth scraped the sensitive skin near my hipbone, I choked out a ragged four, fingers twisting helplessly in the hemp coils.
Shidou chuckled darkly, the sound vibrating through my bones. His fingers traced the harness strap digging into my sternum, pausing just above my racing heartbeat. "Too much?" he murmured, though his thumb brushing my nipple through the mesh shirt contradicted the question.
The blindfold made his absence palpable when he shifted away. My breath hitched, fabric rustling, the clink of the lube bottle from the bedside drawer, his quiet curse when it slipped through his still-damp fingers. Then warmth bloomed against my side again, his knee nudging between mine as he leaned in close enough for me to taste spearmint and want on his tongue.
The first slick press of his fingers made me gasp, not from pain, but from the sudden, shocking warmth of it, the way he hesitated just inside, waiting for my muscles to relax around him. Shidou's breath stuttered against my collarbone, his free hand gripping the harness strap like a lifeline. "Okay?" he murmured, thumb brushing my hipbone in slow circles.
I nodded, swallowing hard. The ropes creaked when I twisted, my wrists straining against the knots. Shidou exhaled sharply through his nose, his fingers curling just enough to make me jerk. "Say it."
"Good," I managed, voice cracking. "Feels- fuck- feels good."
Shidou's fingers twisted deeper, the heel of his palm grinding against me in slow circles that had my hips jerking against the ropes. "Say it again," he demanded, voice rough as the calluses dragging inside me.
The words tumbled out between gasps, how I'd touched myself to the memory of his hands last Tuesday, how the shower water had gone cold twice before I came thinking about his mouth. Precum slicked my stomach where the harness straps cut across my abs, the mesh shirt clinging to every ragged exhale.
"Missed your fucking hands," I slurred, arching into his touch as his thumb pressed cruel circles against me. The blindfold made the slide of his fingers obscenely loud, wet and filthy in the quiet room.
Shidou's breath hitched when I clenched around him. "Look at you," he murmured, voice gone thick with something warmer than lust. His free hand traced the ropes around my thigh, fingertips skating over the raised welts they'd leave behind. "Dreamed about this?"
The confession spilled out like a gut wound, how I'd woken up hard three mornings in a row from dreams of his teeth on my throat, how I'd bought the ropes after watching him lace his cleats too carefully before a match. His fingers stilled inside me when I admitted rewatching his penalty kicks just to study the flex of his wrists.
The ropes bit deeper when I arched, the confession wrung out of me like water from a rag, how I'd used the dildo we'd bought on a whim last winter, the one shaped like him, pressing it between the mattress and headboard so I could fuck back onto it at three AM, teeth sunk into a pillow to muffle the sounds, while starring at pictures from him. Shidou's breath stuttered against my throat when I admitted pretending the ache the next morning was from his hands, not the cheap silicone.
"Which pictures?" His fingers curled inside me, sudden and sharp, his thumb pressing punishing circles against me. The blindfold made his voice closer, darker, like he was speaking directly into my skull. "The training ones? The locker room shots?"
I shook my head, the harness straps creaking. "The- fuck- the ones from the GQ spread." The ones where he'd glowered at the camera with his sleeves rolled up, forearms flexed around a football, the ones I'd saved to my hidden folder and zoomed in on when my fingers weren't enough.
Shidou's laugh was low, vibrating through my ribs where his free hand splayed across them. "Knew you liked those," he murmured, lips brushing my collarbone. His fingers twisted deeper, palm grinding against me in slow, deliberate circles. "Caught you staring at my arms during breakfast the next day."
The ropes groaned when I twisted, the hemp burning against my wrists. Two weeks without his hands had made me desperate, reckless, I'd come to the memory of his thighs bracketing mine in the locker room showers, water sluicing down his back as he pinned me against the tile. Shidou's teeth found my earlobe when I admitted it, biting down hard enough to make me cry out.
Shidou's fingers moved inside me with the same precision he used to curl free kicks, three deliberate strokes, each deeper than the last, his palm grinding against me in time with my ragged breathing. The ropes creaked as I arched against them, the blindfold turning his voice into something molten when he finally spoke.
"Missed you so much I fucked my own hand in the showers," he admitted, the words rough like he'd been gargling gravel. His thumb pressed harder against me, circling just shy of cruel. "Everyone thought I was stretching. Had to bite my own fucking wrist to keep quiet."
His fingers twisted, the drag of his calluses making me jerk against the ropes. Steam from the shower still clung to his skin when he leaned closer, his breath hot against my ear. "Kept your picture taped inside my locker. The one from last summer where you fell asleep on my jersey." His teeth scraped my earlobe. "Got cum on the glass three times before I had to reprint it."
The confession punched through me harder than his fingers, the image of him hunched under the training camp's fluorescent lights, teeth sunk into his own flesh while his hand moved frantically over his cock. My hips stuttered against his palm, the harness straps biting into my skin with every thrust.
Shidou's free hand gripped my thigh, fingers pressing into the rope marks already forming there. "Wanted to call you," he muttered, his rhythm faltering for the first time. "Almost did. Had my phone in my hand at 2 AM with my fucking pants around my ankles." His laugh was dark, uneven. "Then I remembered the thin ass walls."
The moan tore from my throat before I could bite it back, sharp and ragged as Shidou's tongue dragged over my nipple through the mesh shirt. The fabric clung damply to every swipe, his breath scorching through the thin material. My fingers spasmed against the ropes, God, I missed threading my hands through his hair, dragging him up to kiss me raw, but the restraints held firm, the hemp biting into my wrists with every desperate tug.
"Fuck, missed this," Shidou growled against my chest, his teeth scraping the pebbled flesh. His free hand palmed my other nipple, rolling it roughly between thumb and forefinger while his mouth worked me over. The mesh was soaked through where he'd been sucking, sticking to my skin in wet patches. "Missed how loud you get for me."
His knee pressed harder between my thighs, nudging them wider as he switched sides, laving his tongue over the neglected nipple with obscene precision. The harness straps groaned when I arched into his mouth, the leather straining against my ribs. Shidou chuckled darkly at my reaction, his breath puffing hot against damp skin. "Two weeks without my mouth and you're this sensitive?" His teeth closed lightly around the peak, tugging just enough to make me gasp. "Should've recorded you moaning into my voicemail."
The blindfold made his voice reverberate through my skull, deeper, closer, like he was speaking directly against my bones. My hips jerked uselessly against the ropes, the friction of the mattress beneath me doing nothing to relieve the ache between my legs. Shidou's thumb brushed over my bottom lip, pressing down when I tried to bite at it. "Uh-uh," he murmured, the bed dipping as he shifted his weight. "You don't get to touch yet."
His mouth returned to my chest with renewed hunger, sucking dark marks into the skin above the harness straps. I whimpered when he bit down particularly hard on the sensitive spot just below my collarbone, the one that always made my knees weak, and Shidou moaned in response, the vibration traveling straight to my groin.
"Hell, missed these sounds," he admitted raggedly, laving his tongue over the fresh bruise. "Had to jerk off to the memory of you gasping my name in the locker room showers."
The ropes burned against my wrists when I arched, the hemp fibers biting deep enough to leave marks Shidou would trace with his tongue later. His fingers curled inside me at a maddeningly slow pace, each drag of his calluses calculated to draw out the tension until my thighs trembled against the mattress. "Fuck- please," I gasped, the blindfold turning every ragged breath into an echo chamber of want.
Shidou's teeth scraped my earlobe, his exhale hot against the damp skin of my neck. "Please what?" His free hand slid down my stomach, fingers tracing the harness straps with deliberate slowness. The mesh shirt clung to my chest where his mouth had soaked through the fabric, cold air pricking at the wet patches.
"Please fuck me already," I snarled, twisting against the ropes hard enough to make the bedframe groan. The confession tasted like desperation, like two weeks of shower steam and my own fingers never being enough.
Shidou stilled, actually stilled, his fingers pausing halfway through another torturous curl. The sudden absence of friction made me whimper, the sound embarrassingly raw. His thumb brushed my hipbone, thoughtful, almost clinical, while his other hand remained motionless inside me. "You sure?" His voice was low, rough with restraint. "Thought you wanted it slow."
The ropes creaked when I jerked against them, the harness straps digging into my ribs. "That was before- ah- before you started teasing." My voice cracked on the last word, the blindfold making the pause stretch unbearably long.
"Oh Sweetheart-"
Shidou's laugh was a dark rumble against my throat as he withdrew his fingers with a slick sound that made my hips jerk uselessly. The bed dipped under his weight when he shifted, the ropes around my ankles pulling taut as he knelt between my thighs. His palm slid up my inner thigh, calluses catching on sensitive skin, and his breath hitched when I trembled.
"Look at you," he murmured, thumb pressing into the crease of my hip. The blindfold made the click of the lube cap deafening, the squelch as he slicked himself up obscenely loud. "Been dreaming about this, huh?"
I nodded, swallowing hard. The harness straps groaned when he leaned over me, his heat radiating against my bare skin. His first thrust was slow, deliberate, the stretch burning in the best way as he bottomed out with a ragged groan. His fingers dug into my hips, blunt nails leaving crescent moons in their wake.
"Fuck," he hissed, hips stuttering. His breath came in sharp bursts against my collarbone. "Two weeks was too long."
The ropes around my wrists creaked when I arched, the hemp biting into skin as he pulled out almost completely before slamming back in. The pace he set was punishing, each thrust knocking the air from my lungs. His teeth found my shoulder, biting down hard enough to leave marks as he muttered filth against my skin, how he'd thought about this exact angle in hotel showers, how my harness looked even better rumpled beneath him.
Shidou's restraint snapped like a frayed rope. One moment he was moving with measured precision, the next his hands were everywhere, gripping the harness straps hard enough to leave indents in the leather, biting at the mesh shirt stretched over my collarbones, hips pistoning with a frantic rhythm that made the bedframe screech against the floor. Two weeks without touching me had turned him feral, his usual control dissolving into raw, shuddering need.
The blindfold intensified every sensation, the hot puff of his breath against my throat when he buried himself to the hilt, the way his sweat dripped onto my chest and slid between the harness straps, the creak of the ropes as I strained against them. Shidou groaned when I clenched around him, his fingers digging into my thighs hard enough to bruise. "Fuck, missed this," he rasped, voice shredded. "Missed how tight you get for me."
His rhythm stuttered when I arched against the ropes, the harness straps biting into my ribs with every thrust. The mesh shirt was soaked through where his mouth had been, clinging to my skin in damp patches that chilled in the AC draft. Shidou snarled when I twitched from the temperature shift, pinning me harder against the mattress. "Don't you fucking dare move," he growled, teeth scraping my earlobe. "Not until I say."
The ropes creaked in protest as he dragged me up by the harness straps, my back bowing off the bed as he fucked into me at a brutal angle. His palm slapped against my thigh where the hemp had left raised welts, the sharp sting blending with the overwhelming fullness of him. "Should've tied you up sooner," he panted, hips snapping forward. "Look at you- fuck- taking me so good."
I choked on a moan when his free hand wrapped around my throat, not squeezing, just holding, his thumb pressing into my pulse point. The blindfold made his ragged breathing louder, closer, like he was speaking directly into my bones. "Say it," he demanded, voice guttural. "Say who you belong to."
"Fucking harder," I snarled into the blindfold's darkness, the ropes creaking as I twisted against them. The harness straps groaned under Shidou's grip when he pinned me harder against the mattress, his teeth finding the sensitive skin behind my ear.
"Say please," he growled, hips stuttering just enough to be cruel.
I arched into the next thrust, the hemp biting into my wrists.
"Please."
The word came out ragged, stripped bare between us like the ropes coiled around my thighs.
Shidou's breath hitched, then he snapped forward with enough force to make the headboard slam against the wall. The blindfold turned every sound obscenely loud: the wet slap of skin, his choked-off curses, the way my gasps fractured against his collarbone when he bit down.
"Again," I demanded, toes curling against the sheets.
Shidou snarled something incoherent, his grip shifting from my harness straps to the ropes above my head, using them like reins. His thrusts turned erratic, hips jerking in staccato bursts that had me seeing white behind the silk. Sweat dripped from his chin onto my chest, tracing the harness straps before disappearing into the soaked mesh shirt.
The orgasm hit like a live wire, sudden, brutal, wrenched from me with a shout that made Shidou groan against my throat. His rhythm faltered as I clamped around him, fingers tightening in the ropes until the hemp creaked in protest.
"Fuck-" His voice cracked, hips stuttering. His forehead pressed against mine, blindfold damp with his panting breaths. "Look at you," he gasped, fingers trembling where they gripped my restraints. "Fucking ruined."
I barely registered him fumbling with the blindfold knot before light flooded my vision, too bright, too sudden. Shidou's pupils were blown black, pink nearly swallowed by the hunger still thrumming through him. His lips looked bitten raw.
The blindfold slithered off just as Shidou's hips snapped forward again, the sudden flood of light making me flinch, but his grip on my harness straps held me steady, forced me to take it. His pupils swallowed every trace of pink, black and bottomless as he watched my face with predatory focus. "There," he panted, thumb brushing my cheekbone where the silk had left a crease. "Wanted to see your eyes roll back."
They did, helplessly, when he angled his next thrust just so, the headboard slamming against the wall with a crack that would've worried me if I could think past the white-hot pleasure searing up my spine. Shidou groaned at the sight, fingers tightening in the harness straps hard enough to leave crescent indents in the leather. "Fuck, look at you," he rasped, hips stuttering. "Like you're coming apart on my cock."
I was, could feel the tremors building again despite the oversensitivity, my thighs shaking where they strained against the ropes. Shidou's rhythm turned jagged, uneven, his breath coming in sharp bursts against my throat. His free hand fumbled for purchase on the mattress, then gave up and palmed my ribs instead, tracing the harness strap digging into my sternum with reverent roughness.
The ropes creaked when I arched into him, the hemp burning fresh marks into my wrists. Shidou's nostrils flared at the sound, his hips jerking forward with a grunt that sounded punched out of him. "Gonna-" His voice broke, fingers spasming against my ribs. "Fuck, look at me when I-"
The orgasm ripped through him violently, I felt it in the way his entire body locked up, the choked-off curse against my collarbone, the pulse of heat deep inside me. His forehead dropped to my shoulder, damp hair sticking to my skin as he shuddered through the aftershocks, still half-hard inside me.
Shidou's laugh was breathless against my throat, his hips still pressed flush against mine despite having just come hard enough to leave bite marks in the mattress. "Fuck," he muttered, lips brushing the sweat-damp hollow beneath my ear. His fingers flexed around the harness straps still pinning me down. "Missed this too much to stop now."
I could feel him hardening again against my thigh, his breath hitching in a way that sounded almost embarrassed. The ropes creaked when I shifted, the hemp leaving angry red lines where they'd bitten into my wrists. "Take them off," I murmured, flexing my fingers against the restraints.
Shidou went still above me, his exhale warm against my collarbone. His thumb traced the rope marks circling my wrist, touch feather-light over the abraded skin. "Hurts?" The question was quiet, almost tentative, so unlike his usual confidence that my chest tightened.
"Not like that." The harness straps groaned when I arched slightly, testing the give of the ropes. "Just want to touch you."
His breath caught audibly. For a long moment, he didn't move, just stared at the knots with an intensity that made my pulse stutter. Then his fingers were moving with surprising deftness, unraveling the intricate coils with the same focus he used to lace his cleats before big matches. The first wrist came free with a whisper of hemp against skin, and Shidou immediately pressed his lips to the reddened flesh there, tongue darting out to trace the raised welts.
The second wrist came loose with a rough tug of hemp, Shidou's fingers skimming the angry marks left behind before I could flex them. He moved down to my ankles next, kneeling between my thighs with that same unhurried precision, his breath hitching when my freed foot brushed his ribs. The last knot unraveled with a soft whisper of rope against skin, and then his hands were on my hips again, dragging me flush against him with a groan that vibrated through both our chests.
I barely had time to register the sting of returning circulation before Shidou was sinking back into me, his breath hot against my parted lips. My hands flew up instinctively, one fisting in his damp hair, the other scrabbling at his shoulder, dragging him down into a kiss that tasted like sweat and desperation. His moan shuddered against my tongue, hips stuttering as I bit his lower lip hard enough to draw copper.
Shidou's hands slid under my back, fingers splaying across my spine as he arched me up into him. The harness straps dug into my ribs with every ragged thrust, the mesh shirt now torn where his teeth had caught it earlier. He broke the kiss only to gasp something raw and wordless against my throat, his rhythm turning uneven as my nails scored down his shoulder blades.
"Again," I demanded into the hollow of his collarbone, my heel pressing into the small of his back. Shidou obeyed with a broken noise, his hips snapping forward hard enough to make the mattress screech across the floorboards. The headboard slammed against the wall in time with his thrusts, each impact rattling the framed photo of us from last summer's beach trip, the glass already cracked from when we'd knocked it off the nightstand last time.
His fingers found the buckle of the harness between us, fumbling with the clasp until leather gave way with a groan. The sudden lack of restraint made me arch violently, my shoulder blades digging into the sweat-slick sheets as Shidou pinned me down by the throat, not choking, just holding, his thumb pressed against my pulse like he needed the proof.
The words punched through me harder than his thrusts, "Love you", gritted out between Shidou's teeth as he bit my collarbone, blunt nails raking down my ribs where the harness had left indents. I barely recognized my own voice when I answered, something raw and fractured tumbling out between gasps, syllables dissolving into a moan as his hips snapped forward again.
He laughed darkly against my throat, the sound vibrating through my bones. "Say it proper," he demanded, fingers tightening around my hipbone hard enough to leave bruises shaped like cleat studs. His rhythm stuttered when I arched into him, mesh shirt tearing further where his teeth caught the fabric.
"I- fuck- love you," I managed, the confession ripped from me as he angled deeper, his thumb pressing cruel circles against my pulse point. The mattress groaned beneath us, springs protesting under Shidou's relentless pace. Sweat dripped from his chin onto my chest, tracing the path his harness straps had taken before disappearing into the torn mesh.
Shidou's mouth found my neck with bruising precision, sucking marks into skin still tender from the ropes. His teeth scraped my jugular, not threatening, just present as he murmured "Again" against my damp throat. The command sent heat prickling down my spine, my hips jerking up to meet his next thrust hard enough to knock the breath from both our lungs.
"Love you," I gasped, fingers twisting in his sweat-slick hair. "Always- ah- always fucking have."
Shidou's fingers closed around me with a reverence that made my breath hitch, his palm slick with precum and lube as he stroked slow enough to burn. "Beautiful," he murmured against my shoulder blade, tongue tracing the rope marks left behind. His grip tightened just shy of painful when I jerked into it, his chuckle vibrating through my ribs. "Look at you, all wrecked and still begging for more."
The pet names tumbled from his lips like prayers sweetheart when his thumb swiped over the head, darling as he twisted his wrist on the upstroke, angel when my hips stuttered against the mattress. His free hand splayed across my stomach, pinning me down as his pace turned agonizingly deliberate. "That's it," he coaxed, breath hot against my ear. "Let me see you come apart."
The words dissolved into static when Shidou's hips snapped forward with brutal precision, his groan vibrating through my ribs where his free hand splayed across them. "That's it," he rasped, thumb pressing into my hipbone hard enough to leave bruises shaped like cleat studs. "Taking me so fucking perfect." His praise burned hotter than the ropes ever had, searing through muscle and bone until my thighs trembled against his.
Shidou's rhythm fractured when I arched into him, his fingers tightening around my wrist where rope marks still bloomed red. "Look at you," he growled, the headboard slamming against the wall with enough force to dislodge the cracked beach photo. His teeth found my earlobe, biting down just as his thumb swiped over me again. "Fuck, you're gorgeous like this."
The orgasm hit like a live wire, sudden and blinding, wrenched from me with a shout that made Shidou curse against my throat. His hips stuttered as I clenched around him, his fingers digging into my waist hard enough to leave crescent indents in sweat-slick skin. "Fuck-" His voice cracked, forehead dropping to my collarbone as he rode out my tremors with ragged thrusts. "That's it, sweetheart, just like that."
His palm smoothed up my sternum, calluses catching on the harness strap indents as he pinned me through the aftershocks. The praise kept coming between panting breaths - good boy when I twitched oversensitively, perfect when my fingers spasmed against his shoulder, breathtaking as his lips traced the rope burns circling my wrists. Each word landed like a brand, hotter than the marks littering my skin.
Shidou's hips rolled in slow, deep circles now, dragging every last shudder from me as he murmured filth against my pulse point. "Could watch you come apart all day," he admitted, voice rough with something warmer than lust. His teeth grazed my collarbone where the harness had chafed it raw. "Never get tired of this."
The aftershocks rippled through Shidou's body like tremors, shoulders shuddering, fingers twitching against my hipbones where his grip had left crescent-shaped bruises. He came back to himself in increments: first the slow drag of his tongue over the bite mark blooming on my collarbone, then the uneven exhale gusting across sweat-slick skin, finally the realization that his knees were digging into the mattress at an angle that would leave tomorrow stiff.
"Fuck," he muttered against my throat, voice shredded. His eyelashes fluttered against my jaw when he blinked, slow as a cat waking from sunlight. The ropes around my wrists had left angry red trails, and Shidou traced them with his thumb now, the calloused pad catching on abraded skin. "Hurts?"
His pupils were still blown black when I tipped his chin up, thumb brushing the swell of his lower lip where I'd bitten it raw. The heady rush of power curled hot in my gut, seeing Shidou like this, wrecked and tender in ways he never allowed on the pitch.
Shidou rolled off me with a groan that vibrated through the mattress, his sweat-slick skin peeling away from mine with an obscene sound. The harness straps lay in ruined coils beside the bed, the leather creased from his grip. He knelt there for a moment, chest heaving, fingertips hovering over the rope marks circling my wrists like he wanted to touch but feared causing more pain.
"New shirt," he muttered hoarsely, pushing damp hair off his forehead with the back of his hand. His knees cracked when he stood, the sound making me wince in sympathy. The torn mesh shirt clung to his shoulders for a stubborn second before sliding to the floor with a wet slap.
I watched the play of muscles across his back as he rummaged through the dresser, the same deliberate precision he used to lace his cleats now applied to selecting cotton. His fingers hesitated over my Champions League jersey before bypassing it for an old tee from his university days, the fabric worn soft from years of wear. The hem would smell like his detergent, like the cedar-scented closet where he kept his sweaters.
"You didn't," I said when he tossed the bundle onto the bed, catching the fresh boxers before they slid off the mattress. The admission came easier now with the ropes gone, my voice still rough from screaming his name. "Hurt me, I mean."
Shidou paused mid-turn, his shoulders tensing beneath the sweat-sheened skin. The afternoon light caught the scratches down his back, the ones I'd left when he'd pinned me by the throat and fucked me raw. His exhale shook when he finally faced me, gaze darting from the rope burns on my ankles and wrists to the harness indents ribbing my torso.
The shirt slid over my head with a whisper of fabric against sweat-damp skin, Shidou's hands lingering at my hips to guide the hem down. His fingers trembled slightly as they brushed the fresh marks circling my waist, barely there, but I felt it in the way his breath hitched when I leaned into his touch.
He dressed me with the same meticulous care he'd used to bind me, folding the sleeves just so where they'd cover the worst of the welts. The university logo stretched across my chest, faded from years of wash cycles, smelling faintly of his cedar closet and something uniquely Shidou, warm leather and the bergamot soap he used after matches.
The bed dipped under his weight when he lay beside me, his arm sliding beneath my shoulders with practiced ease. I expected him to pull me close immediately, but he hesitated, fingers hovering over my ribs where the harness had left angry red lines. "Tell me," he murmured against my temple, voice rougher than usual. "If anything was-"
"It wasn't." My fingers found his wrist, guiding his palm flat against my sternum where his heartbeat thrummed beneath the skin. "You checked in the whole time."
Shidou exhaled sharply through his nose, his lips pressing against my hairline in a kiss that felt suspiciously like relief. His arms tightened around me gradually, testing, giving me space to protest before settling fully. The afternoon light painted gold across his collarbones where my teeth had left crescent imprints, the marks darkening to bruises that matched the ones on my thighs.
The afterglow settled like dust motes in the afternoon light, golden and slow. Shidou's fingers combed through my tangled hair with unexpected gentleness, his nails scratching lightly against my scalp in a rhythm that made my eyelids flutter. His heartbeat thrummed beneath my ear, steady now, no longer the frantic hammering from when he'd pinned me by the throat, and I traced the sweat-damp hollow of his collarbone with my nose, inhaling the salt-and-cedar scent of him.
"Missed this," I murmured into his skin, the words sticking like cotton in my dry throat. His chest rose beneath my cheek as he chuckled, the sound vibrating through bone and muscle.
His fingers stilled for a heartbeat. "Which part?" he teased, thumb brushing the shell of my ear. "The sex or the post-match cuddles?"
I pinched his side lightly, grinning when he twitched. "Both. But mostly just... you." The admission came easier now, softened by exhaustion and the warm press of his body against mine. "Two weeks was too long."
Shidou's exhale ruffled my hair, his arm tightening around my shoulders. His palm slid down my spine, stopping just above the harness indents ribbing my lower back. "Next time," he said, voice rough with sleep and something warmer, "you could tie me down. If you wanted." The offer landed between us like a challenge, his teeth flashing in a lazy grin when I lifted my head to stare at him.
Shidou's breathing evened out first, his chest rising in slow, deep waves beneath my cheek. The hand tangled in my hair went slack, fingers still loosely curled around the strands as if afraid I'd slip away even in sleep. His exhales warmed the crown of my head, each one stirring the damp strands there, still sweaty from our earlier exertions.
I shifted just enough to see his face in the fading afternoon light. The usual sharpness of his features had softened in sleep, lips slightly parted, eyelashes casting shadows across cheeks still flushed from exertion. A lock of hair had fallen across his forehead, sticking to the sweat-damp skin there. Carefully, so carefully, I reached up and brushed it back, my fingertips lingering against his temple where his pulse beat steady and strong.
His arm tightened around me instinctively even in sleep, pulling me closer with a muffled grunt that sounded almost petulant. The movement made the rope burns on my wrists sting against his chest, but I didn't pull away, couldn't, not when his breath hitched slightly as I settled against him, his nose pressing into my hair with a contented sigh.
And I never wanted to let go off him again.