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Fount locked the bathroom door behind him.
He shouldn't want to hurt himself, should he?
He turned toward the mirror. Did he always look so tired? He probably did. He felt like it, at least.
He placed his hand on the counter, his grip tightening around it as he dragged a knife across his wrist. The blood immediately began running down his arm. It hurt, but it wasn't like he didn't deserve it.
There were a million better ways to deal with being upset. He didn't know why he'd choose this. Healer would probably just want him to talk to him instead, right?
…It was too late to do that, wasn't it?
He laughed. He hated when he laughed about this. He shouldn't be laughing at this. It wasn't funny.
Then again, maybe he deserved to be laughed at.
It was stupid that he was acting like this. He didn't deserve anyone's sympathy, or pity. He didn't need it anyway. He could handle himself just fine. He always had, for centuries and there was no reason that should change.
The blood kept running down his arm. It didn't matter. He still deserved worse.
Fount forced his eyes shut. He didn't want to watch what he was doing. It just made it harder.
He couldn't help whining at the pain when he did it again.
What kind of freak would do this to themself?
It was stupid. All of this was stupid. He was stupid.
Why was he crying? It wasn't like it wasn't his own fault.
Witches, he was so pathetic.
He shouldn't be like this. He was supposed to be better than this.
"Fount!"
…Healer was calling him.
He opened his other-realm, throwing the blade into it. It didn't matter where it went anyway.
He rolled his sleeves up, stepping out of the bathroom.
He could deal with the blood on his arms later.
"Hey Orchid."
Healer smiled as soon as he realized Fount was there.
"There you are!"
He latched onto him, planting a kiss on his cheek.
"I missed you…" Healer muttered.
Fount chuckled, "Aw, I was just a bit busier than usual."
"Yes, and I didn't even get to see you in the morning."
"Mhm…"
Fount grabbed onto Healer's hands, leaning into his shoulder. He just wanted to stay with him. Why was that so difficult to do?
Fount barely noticed as Healer practically dragged him to their bed.
At least Healer hadn't noticed. Or hadn't mentioned it. At least not yet.
Fount hoped he didn't. He didn't want to talk about it. He just wanted to stay with Healer. He didn't want anything else.
It didn't matter what happened if they could stay together.
Right?
Healer's hands tightened around him.
"Fount?"
"…Hm?"
"You didn't—…" He trailed off, rubbing the back of Fount's hand with his thumb.
"Didn't what?"
"Hurt yourself again. Did you?"
…Of course he knew.
Fount attempted to pull his hands back, though Healer's grip was too tight.
"Do you want me to heal it?"
It still hurt.
"No. It's fine."
"Did you at least bandage it?"
"No."
"Fount—"
"I'm fine, okay?! It's not— nothing's actually wrong, I— There's no real reason for me to be acting like this, so just— drop it. I'll be fine."
"Fount—"
"I SAID I'M FINE!"
Why did he yell?
"…I'm sorry," Fount whispered.
Healer didn't say anything, though he started running his hands through his hair.
Why would he do that? Healer didn't do anything wrong. He was only trying to help. There was no reason he should react like that.
"Fount."
He was mad at him, wasn't he?
"…What?" He sounded like he was about to cry.
It was stupid. He was the one who did something wrong.
"Can't you at least let me take care of you?"
He didn't deserve that.
"…Fine. If you want to."
He really didn't deserve it.
Healer smiled slightly at him, taking him back to the bathroom.
Fount rolled his sleeve up himself while Healer turned on the water.
Healer pulled Fount's arms under the water, healing the cuts as he cleaned them.
"I could clean myself up, you don't—"
"It's fine. I want to help you."
Fount sighed, allowing him to continue.
His magic felt so warm. It was… nice. It always felt better than Fount remembered when he healed him.
He loved how Healer's touch felt so much.
He didn't want him to let go. Ever.
Healer let go of his arms, pulling him into a kiss before they went back to bed.
Fount just wanted to go to sleep. He was tired of it all.
"Do you want to tell me why?"
"…I don't know. I'm just— I'm tired."
He really didn't know. It didn't make any sense, how one of the things he never knew was always himself.
"Why didn't you just talk to me?"
"…I didn't want to bother you."
"It wouldn't have bothered me. It won't bother me. I don't want to see you get hurt."
"I know."
"I really don't want you to."
Healer's voice cracked.
Fount curled up tighter around him.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not… mad at you," Healer muttered, taking a section of his hair and beginning to braid it, "I'm just worried."
Fount chuckled, "You really don't have to be worried about me. I can't die or anything, so—"
"Even if you don't die, I don't want you to be hurting all the time. I love you, Fount. You don't deserve that. I want you to be happy."
Fount nodded, adjusting so Healer could braid his hair more easily.
He didn't know if he really believed that.
Healer wouldn't lie to him, would he?
Obviously not.
At least, he trusted him not to. Fount trusted him more than he'd trusted anyone before. Even himself.
Maybe if he thought he didn't deserve it, he was right.
Maybe he could be happy.