Chapter Text
The heat still clung to the uniform even though it was early. Summer had barely ended and the air still felt heavy, warm, mixed with the smell of dry grass from the high school courtyard and the constant sound of students dragging backpacks while reuniting after weeks without seeing each other. Some shouted names from far away, others just walked half asleep with energy drinks in hand. Christian stayed seated on one of the cement benches near the back fence, wearing his black hoodie despite the suffocating heat. He had the sleeves covering his hands almost completely while he stared distractedly at the cracks on the ground, rubbing the fabric against his wrists without even realizing it. He hadn’t been there long, but the constant stares were starting to wear him out.
"I don’t get how you keep wearing that in this heat," Noru said when he dropped his backpack next to the bench before sitting on the backrest, pushing his blond hair back while looking at Christian’s black hoodie. "I swear I’d get heatstroke in five minutes."
"Maybe you’re just too weak," Christian replied while raising an eyebrow slightly and kept tapping the tip of his sneaker against the ground.
"No, you’re literally sick," Noru joked while opening a water bottle before taking a quick sip without looking away from him. "Look at you, you look like a teen novel character."
Christian let out a short laugh through his nose before turning his head slightly toward him.
"And you look like a failed indie band singer."
"That was way too specific," Noru let out a laugh while resting the bottle on the bench. "What did you watch over break?"
"Too many bad reels at three in the morning," Christian replied while pulling the hoodie sleeves further down over his hands.
Noru managed to nudge him lightly with his sneaker before laughing again.
"One day I’m actually gonna hit you."
"You’ve been saying that to everyone for years," he commented while a small smile appeared faintly on his face.
Footsteps approaching from behind made Noru lift his head.
"Look who showed up. The man who survived off cheap alcohol all summer," he laughed while watching Damián approach with his backpack hanging from one shoulder.
"Exaggerated," Damián protested while dropping his backpack on the ground and running a hand through his dark hair, slightly messy from the heat. "And technically I’m still alive, so it didn’t go that bad."
The poorly dyed purple tips of his hair were still visible under the sun and honestly looked worse than before break.
"You look tired," Christian pointed out while glancing up at him slightly.
"I slept like four hours," Damián let out a breath before sitting on the ground next to the bench. "I’m running on pure willpower right now."
"That explains your face," Christian replied while resting an arm on his leg.
"Thanks, always so kind."
Noru let out a short laugh before opening the water bottle again.
"You actually look like something ran you over."
"And you look like a Fentanyl dealer," Damián joked while raising an eyebrow at him.
Noru stayed quiet for just a second before starting to laugh.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"I don’t know, but I bet any cop who sees you thinks the same."
Christian ended up laughing too while lowering his head slightly. He looked a lot more relaxed now than at the start, although he kept moving the hoodie sleeves against his wrists distractedly every so often.
Before anyone else could keep talking, Kaeli appeared walking toward them from the main entrance with her glasses barely sliding down her nose and her backpack hanging from one shoulder. Her copper-red hair was now much shorter and she seemed to keep adjusting it every few seconds like she still hadn’t gotten used to it.
"The entrance was horrible," Kaeli let out a breath as soon as she reached the group while pushing her glasses up again. "A lady was arguing with a teacher for like ten minutes."
"Beautiful way to start the school year," Damián scoffed while shifting his backpack a bit to make space for her.
Noru looked at Kaeli’s short hair for a few seconds before tilting his head slightly.
"You cut your hair way too much."
"Yeah... it was kind of impulsive," Kaeli replied while touching the ends of her hair somewhat uncomfortably.
Christian glanced up at her slightly.
"It suits you better like that," he commented while resting both arms on his legs. "You look less like the person who remembers homework and due dates."
Kaeli opened her mouth a little, offended.
"I don’t do that."
The three of them just stared at her in silence.
"...Well, once," Kaeli finally muttered while looking away.
Noru burst out laughing loudly before dropping his head back.
"Liar, you’d be the type to ask for extra work for fun."
"Shut up," Kaeli replied while lightly hitting him with her backpack on the leg.
Damián ended up laughing too before looking back at Kaeli’s short hair.
"It actually does suit you better short," he commented while shrugging slightly. "And it’s probably more comfortable with this heat."
Kaeli smiled faintly. "My sister said I looked like a lesbian..." She complained while still touching the ends of her copper hair.
Christian let out a louder laugh this time before covering his mouth slightly with his sleeve. "She’s not really lying that much, to be fair."
"Sometimes people insult in such weird ways," Damián muttered while opening his backpack looking for a crushed bottle. "My mom once said 'frantic homeless person', I still don’t get what she meant by that."
"You do have the face of someone who sleeps in train stations," Noru teased while pointing at him with the water bottle.
"And you have the face of someone who takes paracetamol like it’s a drug," Damián shot back immediately.
Christian laughed again while the atmosphere stayed relaxed around them. The courtyard was getting fuller with students and the noise was starting to rise again, mixing with the sound of balls bouncing, shouts from the other side of the court, and teachers trying to organize lines that clearly no one wanted to form.
Then an empty bottle flew from the stairs and hit Noru directly on the shoulder.
"What the hell?!" Noru turned immediately while picking up the bottle from the ground and looking for the culprit.
Darrel was coming down the stairs dying of laughter, with his hands in his pants pockets and dark circles marked under his eyes.
"That was a perfect shot," he commented while still laughing as he approached the group.
"One day I’m actually gonna hit you," Noru yelled while raising the bottle toward him.
"But you missed me anyway," Darrel dropped his backpack next to the bench before sitting next to Christian and letting out a slow breath.
Christian watched him for just a few seconds before speaking.
"You look terrible."
"I slept like three hours," Darrel complained while running a hand over his face tiredly. "I think I’m already seeing new dimensions."
"That doesn’t sound healthy," Kaeli commented while frowning slightly.
"Nothing about any of us sounds healthy," Damián joked while putting the bottle back in his backpack.
Darrel let out a small laugh before dropping his head back.
"What amazing support I have."
The group kept talking between jokes and useless comments while the courtyard filled more and more with students. Christian kept responding quickly and laughing every now and then, although Damián managed to notice how every time someone shouted too close or the noise increased, he would pull the hoodie sleeves further down over his hands and start rubbing the fabric against his wrists distractedly.
And even though probably no one else was paying attention to it, Damián couldn’t help but notice it.
The bell ended up ringing with an unbearably loud noise that made several students complain immediately. The courtyard started emptying slowly among shoves, half-finished conversations, and people walking with the energy of someone who clearly didn’t want to go back to class.
"There goes my happiness," Damián complained and got up from the ground slowly while picking up his backpack and slinging it over one shoulder.
"You never had happiness," Noru replied while grabbing his water bottle and jumping off the bench backrest.
"How aggressive you are this morning."
Christian let out a short laugh while standing up and adjusting the hoodie sleeves over his hands again.
"Move before they close the door," Kaeli hurried while starting to walk toward the main building with her backpack hugged against her chest.
The group ended up entering the hallway along with the rest of the students. The heat inside the building was even worse and the sound of footsteps, conversations, and lockers closing echoed everywhere. Some teachers were already standing outside the classrooms trying to hurry people up though clearly no one paid them much attention.
Luckily, they had all picked Math as their mandatory subject first period, so they didn’t have to split up yet.
When they got to the classroom, most of the back seats were already taken, so they ended up settling in one of the front corners, near the windows. The row arrangement was weird, leaving the desks in pairs separated one in front of the other. Christian and Damián ended up sitting in front, while Noru, Kaeli, and Darrel were right behind.
"What a horrible setup," Noru dropped his backpack next to the chair before sitting down and resting both arms on the desk. "Looks like an interrogation room."
"Maybe the teacher wants to watch us suffer up close," Darrel replied while resting his head on one hand.
Christian barely let out a low laugh before dropping his backpack on the floor and sitting next to the window. The classroom was still full of students talking loudly and moving from one side to the other, but honestly the noise was already all blending into one annoying thing that was hard to make out.
The teacher ended up coming in a few minutes later with a stack of papers under his arm and the typical tired face of someone who didn’t want to be there either.
"Good morning, kids," the man left the things on the desk while several students barely replied out of obligation. "I hope you had a good break because this year is going to be important."
No one was really paying attention.
Some kept talking, others checked their phones under the desk and a guy on the other side of the room already looked asleep.
The teacher started giving the typical speech about schedules, evaluations, and "academic responsibility", speaking with a tone so automatic it seemed like he’d repeated the same thing for years.
Christian rested his arm on the desk while staring distractedly toward the window. Outside you could still see the courtyard full of late students running from one side to the other.
"I feel like I’m gonna pass out from the heat," Damián muttered while sinking a little into his chair and fanning himself with a notebook.
"Then stop wearing three chains over your uniform," Christian replied without looking at him.
Damián looked down at the silver accessories hanging from his neck before letting out a low laugh.
"I can’t sacrifice the style."
"Your style looks like a problematic teen from a bad series."
"And it still works."
Christian barely smiled before moving the hoodie sleeve between his fingers distractedly.
Damián managed to notice the gesture out of the corner of his eye.
"How was break for you really?" he asked this time with a slightly lower tone while resting his arm on the desk.
Christian took a few seconds to reply.
"Normal, I guess," he murmured while still looking forward.
"That doesn’t answer anything."
Christian slowly let out air before shrugging slightly.
"I didn’t do much. Stayed home almost the whole time."
The teacher kept talking about percentages and diagnostic tests at the front of the room, though honestly no one seemed to be listening too much.
Damián turned his head slightly toward Christian. "And were you okay?"
The question made Christian stay quiet a moment longer this time. He moved the hoodie sleeve distractedly again before replying. "More or less."
Damián didn’t speak immediately, giving him space to continue if he wanted.
Christian swallowed slightly before lowering his voice. "I had a lot of crises again," he murmured while keeping his gaze fixed on the desk. "Not as strong as before but... yeah, there were several." Saying it out loud made him feel ridiculously uncomfortable, like admitting it made him sound pathetic.
Damián lowered his gaze slightly toward Christian’s hands, noticing how he kept rubbing the fabric against his wrists without even realizing it.
"Did you tell anyone?" he asked after a few seconds.
Christian let out a short, dry laugh.
"Not even my parents think I still feel bad," he murmured while shifting a little in his chair. "Everyone thinks I’m 'better' just because I quit the psychiatrist and I’m taking pills." The word sounded strange coming out of his mouth. Uncomfortable.
Damián frowned slightly while listening to him. "That’s pretty stupid."
Christian let out air through his nose before shrugging slightly again. "Maybe I am better. I don’t know," he murmured while lowering his gaze toward his sleeves. "I just... get tired of everything really fast lately."
Behind them, Noru was bugging Darrel drawing something in his notebook while Kaeli tried to take the pencil away before the teacher saw them.
But Damián barely paid them attention, he kept glancing at how Christian avoided lifting his head too much while talking, like he was embarrassed to have even said that.
The teacher kept talking at the front of the room about percentages, evaluations, and classroom rules with the same automatic tone as before. Most of the students had already stopped pretending to pay attention. Some were talking quietly, others checked their phone hidden under the desk and several just stared toward the window waiting for time to move faster.
Christian kept sitting next to the window with his arm resting on the desk while making small distracted doodles with a pencil on a corner of the desk. Messy lines, shapeless figures, and half-written words that he ended up crossing out as soon as he made them. Every now and then he kept rubbing the sleeve fabric against his wrists almost automatically.
Damián watched him for just a second before turning around when he heard Kaeli sigh tiredly.
"I swear if this man says 'academic responsibility' again I’m gonna jump out the window," she murmured while dropping her head onto one hand and looking at the teacher with an exhausted expression.
"He’s already said it like seven times," Noru replied while spinning a pencil between his fingers distractedly. "I think he enjoys hearing himself talk."
"He probably even says it in his sleep," Damián laughed while shifting a bit in his chair to look at them better.
Kaeli let out a low laugh before glancing up slightly toward Darrel. "Speaking of sleeping..."
The three of them turned their heads almost at the same time.
Darrel had fallen completely asleep on the desk, with his head resting on his arms and his hair barely falling over his face. Honestly he looked dead. He hadn’t even moved when someone on the other side of the room dropped a chair a few seconds ago.
Noru slowly let out air while watching him. "Darrel’s just gonna shut off one day and that’s it..."
"I don’t get how he still functions like that," Kaeli murmured while frowning slightly. "He works, barely sleeps, comes here and still acts like he’s fine."
"Because he’s used to it," Damián pointed out while glancing slightly toward Darrel again.
The silence lasted a few more seconds.
Noru ended up resting an arm on the chair back before speaking again, this time much lower.
"When he fell asleep his sleeve rode up a bit," he murmured while fiddling distractedly with the pencil between his fingers. "He had another red mark on his wrist."
Kaeli immediately lifted her head. "What kind of mark?"
Noru shrugged slightly. "Like someone had grabbed him hard or something."
Damián lowered his gaze a little toward the desk, no one said anything for a few seconds.
It wasn’t exactly a secret that Darrel’s situation at home was horrible. He never gave too many details, just small comments here and there when he was too tired to keep pretending everything was fine. But you didn’t need to ask too much to realize several things.
The constant dark circles.
The way he tensed up when someone raised their voice too much.
The times he showed up with poorly hidden bruises or making excuses too fast.
Kaeli bit the inside of her cheek slightly before speaking again. "I hate that he never says anything."
"Yeah, but you can’t force him either," Damián murmured while resting his arm on the back of Christian’s chair.
"I know," Kaeli sighed again while distractedly aligning the notebooks perfectly on the desk. "I just... I don’t know. I’m worried."
Noru lowered his gaze slightly toward Darrel asleep. "Me too, but he doesn’t want us to help..."
For a few seconds the three of them stayed silent while the teacher kept talking about important dates and diagnostic evaluations at the front of the room.
Then Damián ended up turning forward again.
Christian kept doodling distractedly on the desk with the pencil, completely focused on that. He had filled a corner of the desk with black lines, deformed figures, and words written so hard that some almost broke the pencil tip.
Damián watched the drawing for a few seconds before speaking. "Your art is scary."
Christian glanced up at him slightly before moving his sleeve over part of the doodles. "You weren’t looking."
"I’m literally sitting right here next to you," Damián joked while tilting his head slightly to try to see better.
Christian let out a short laugh before moving the pencil again. "Then stop being nosy."
Damián rested an arm on the desk while looking at some of the strokes more closely, among the messy lines there were words crossed out one over the other.
noise.
tired.
shut up.
sleep.
Christian quickly ran his sleeve over several of them as soon as he noticed Damián was reading them.
"Stop looking at that," he murmured while frowning slightly.
"I wasn’t reading on purpose," Damián replied before staying quiet a second longer.
Then he looked back at the doodles, the pressure of the pencil on the desk was so hard in some parts it seemed more like rage than boredom.
Damián lowered his voice a bit before speaking again. "Do you feel like that right now?" he asked while pointing slightly at one of the crossed-out words.
Christian stopped moving the pencil for a moment. "Like what?" he murmured without fully looking up.
"Tired. Overwhelmed. I don’t know," Damián shrugged slightly while still watching him. "Looks like you’re trying to rip the wood off the desk."
Christian let out a small laugh through his nose, more uncomfortable than amused. "Maybe a little."
Damián waited a few more seconds before speaking again. "Is it because of the noise?"
Christian took a moment to reply.
"Yeah... a little," he murmured while moving the pencil slowly between his fingers. "There are too many people talking at the same time and I feel like my head doesn’t process anything well when that happens, especially when I sleep little." Saying it out loud still made him feel strange. Weak, even.
He kept his gaze fixed on the desk while talking. "And I’m also tired, I guess."
Damián lowered his gaze slightly toward the hoodie sleeves again. Christian kept rubbing the fabric against his wrists distractedly without even realizing it.
"Did you sleep bad?" he asked after a few seconds.
Christian slowly let out air before resting his forehead on one hand. "I barely slept at all during the whole last week of break," he murmured while closing his eyes just a moment. "My head wouldn’t shut up."
The phrase came out more honest than he intended. And by the way he immediately looked away after saying it, Damián could tell that Christian was probably already regretting having talked so much.
Christian kept his gaze fixed on the doodles on the desk while slowly spinning the pencil between his fingers. Now that he’d said more than he meant to, he felt a heavy discomfort settled in his chest, like he’d shown something he normally kept too hidden. He didn’t like talking about how he felt. Much less admitting it out loud.
The teacher kept talking at the front of the room about evaluations and required materials while writing things on the board that probably no one was reading.
Damián stayed resting on the desk a few more seconds before speaking again. "That sounds exhausting," he murmured while lowering his voice a bit so the others wouldn’t hear.
Christian let out a short laugh through his nose before resting his forehead on one hand. "It is."
Behind them, Noru was trying to take a pencil from Kaeli while she said something to him in a low voice clearly annoyed. Darrel was still completely asleep on the desk.
The noise around them still felt too loud.
Too many voices.
Too many people looking at him like they pitied him or thought he was disgusting.
Christian moved the hoodie sleeve against his wrist distractedly again before looking away toward the window.
Damián watched him for just a few more seconds before speaking again. "Did you take your meds before coming?" he asked while tilting his head slightly toward him.
Christian stopped moving the pencil immediately, his shoulders tensed slightly, almost imperceptibly, for a second he didn’t say anything, then he looked back down at the desk and started scratching another corner of the desk again, this time pressing the pencil harder against the wood.
"It’s really hot in here," he murmured after a few seconds while completely avoiding the question. "I feel like this room hasn’t had ventilation in twenty years."
Damián raised an eyebrow slightly without looking away from him. "Christian."
"And the teacher keeps talking like he’s reading terms and conditions," Christian continued while letting out a small laugh that was too forced. "I don’t get how no one’s fallen asleep yet."
Damián kept looking at him in silence, Christian could feel it even without lifting his head and that only made the discomfort worse.
His hand slowly left the pencil and dropped to his leg almost without thinking. He started rubbing the fabric of his pants distractedly over one of his thighs, right where he knew several of the scars were.
An automatic movement.
Anxious.
"Christian," Damián repeated again this time a bit lower. "I asked you something."
Christian slowly let out air while still rubbing his pants with his fingers. "I don’t know why you always ask so many questions," he murmured while keeping his gaze fixed on the desk.
"Because clearly you never say anything on your own," Damián replied while resting his arm better on the desk. "Besides you’ve looked bad since you got here."
Christian made a small grimace as soon as he heard that, the word bad stuck uncomfortably in his head.
He kept moving his hand over his thigh over the uniform fabric, more and more distractedly.
"I’m fine," he murmured quickly. "I just slept little, that’s it."
"That doesn’t answer the question."
Christian pressed his jaw slightly before grabbing the pencil again. "Can’t you just drop it?"
Christian let out a dry laugh while shaking his head slightly. "You’re so annoying."
"And you’re terrible at avoiding topics."
Christian stayed quiet again, the teacher kept talking at the front of the room while writing something about percentages on the board. On the other side of the classroom someone was watching videos with the phone brightness too high and Noru had just muttered something when Kaeli lightly hit him on the arm to shut him up.
But Christian barely registered any of that, he kept rubbing the fabric of his pants over his thighs distractedly over and over while avoiding looking directly at Damián.
Damián ended up sighing slightly before speaking again. "Did you take them or not?"
Christian swallowed slightly, the question was still there.
Heavy.
Uncomfortable.
Making him feel ridiculously vulnerable about something he normally tried to hide as best as possible. He moved his hand over his thigh again before replying with anything but that.
"I hate this room," he murmured while looking toward the window. "I feel like the air is stale."
Damián let out a low laugh barely, more tired than amused. "Christian."
"What?"
"You’re changing the subject again."
Christian pressed his fingers against his pants a bit harder before closing his eyes a second. "I don’t want to talk about that here."
Damián lowered his voice a bit. "I’m not judging you."
Christian slowly let out air through his nose while still avoiding looking at him, that was precisely what made him feel worse, that Damián was being too calm about it.
Too attentive.
After a few more seconds of silence, he finally spoke barely.
"...I didn’t take them," he murmured so low it almost got lost in the noise of the room.
Damián didn’t respond immediately, Christian felt the instant need to justify himself before he could say anything. "I didn’t want to come feeling like a zombie on the first day," he murmured quickly while moving the pencil between his fingers again. "And I hate how they make my head feel sometimes, I feel like everything goes slow and... I don’t know."
The sentence died on its own before finishing.
Christian looked back down at the desk full of doodles while continuing to rub his thigh distractedly under the table, now he felt even more embarrassed than before. He kept looking at the desk while slowly moving the pencil between his fingers. His free hand still rested on his leg, rubbing the fabric of his pants distractedly over and over above the scars like he was trying to calm something he couldn’t even explain well himself.
The noise in the room still felt too loud.
The voices.
The chairs moving.
The teacher’s marker scraping the board.
Everything seemed to mix uncomfortably inside his head.
Damián stayed quiet a few seconds after hearing him admit he hadn’t taken the meds. Then he slowly let out air before moving his hand forward slightly and placing it gently over Christian’s, stopping the anxious movement he was doing on his leg.
The contact made Christian startle slightly, his fingers tensed immediately under Damián’s hand and he looked up at him almost automatically, clearly confused by the gesture.
Damián kept his voice low so no one else would hear. "You can’t keep ignoring everything every time you feel bad," he murmured while watching him with his brow slightly furrowed.
The phrase hit weird inside Christian’s head.
Too much like a reproach.
Too much like disappointment.
He felt an uncomfortable knot rising to his chest almost instantly and looked away quickly while tightening the pencil between his fingers slightly.
"I know," he murmured quietly while tensing his shoulders again. "You don’t have to say it like I’m an idiot."
Damián blinked slightly, noticing the immediate change in his expression.
Christian was more rigid now.
More ashamed.
The hand holding the pencil trembled slightly before moving the hoodie sleeve against his wrist distractedly again.
Damián slowly pulled his hand back as soon as he understood how he’d interpreted what he said. "That’s not what I meant," he murmured while leaning back a bit against the chair. "I’m not mad at you or anything like that."
Christian didn’t respond right away, he kept looking down, avoiding lifting his head too much.
Damián slowly let out air before speaking again, this time with a much softer tone. "Just try to stay calm today, okay?" he murmured while resting his arm on the desk. "And if at any point you start feeling bad or really overwhelmed... text me and we’ll go somewhere else for a bit."
Christian glanced up at him slightly.
Damián shrugged a little before continuing. "I know it gets worse for you when a lot of people see you like that."
The silence lasted a few seconds.
Christian felt that weird discomfort tightening his chest again, though now mixed with something much softer and hard to identify.
Because Damián didn’t sound mad.
Or disappointed.
Just... worried.
And honestly that almost made him feel worse.
He lowered his gaze toward the desk again before replying. "I don’t need you to take care of me so much," he murmured while moving the pencil slowly between his fingers again.
Damián let out a low laugh barely. "I never said I did."
Christian made a small grimace before resting his arm on the desk and hiding his face in it slightly so the dark-haired guy wouldn’t see he was blushing. "You’re still annoying."
"And you still avoid sleeping and taking meds, so we’re even," Damián replied while a small smile appeared faintly on his face.
Christian let out a short laugh through his nose despite himself and even though he still felt uncomfortable, the heavy pressure in his chest had eased and been replaced with a feeling that was hard to explain.