Work Text:
October 7th.
Winter.
The cold clung to the windows like a damp layer of frost, and the gray sky made the morning seem earlier than it actually was. It was Saturday. Christian’s birthday.
The house was completely silent.
Christian was still sitting on his bed, wrapped in a blanket that barely held in the cold. His phone vibrated between the sheets and he took several seconds to pick it up. It was the group chat.
Noru:
"Sorry Chris :( I can’t come today"
Damian:
"My mom grounded me, I swear I wanted to go"
Darrel:
"Something came up last minute. Sorry bro"
Kaeli:
"I’m so sorry Christian, we’ll make it up to you, okay?"
Christian stared at the messages for a long time before typing.
Christian:
"Don’t worry about it"
"I didn’t want to do anything today anyway"
He sent the message and put the phone face down on the bed.
No one replied after that.
His room had been messy for weeks. Clothes thrown near the desk, empty cups piled on the windowsill, crumpled papers under the bed. Christian got up slowly and started tidying everything in silence.
Folding clothes.
Putting books away.
Throwing out useless papers.
Wiping the desk carefully, like he wanted to leave every single thing exactly in place.
Outside, the wind hit the windows hard. Winter seemed to have swallowed all sound from the world.
When he finished cleaning, he opened the closet and looked for clean clothes. He put on a navy blue hoodie and a black short-sleeve t-shirt. Then he stood still in front of the mirror for several seconds, looking at himself with no expression at all.
The room was finally clean.
Too clean.
Christian walked to the door and closed it slowly. The click of the lock echoed through the whole room.
Then he sat at the desk.
He took out a sheet of paper.
And started writing:
"Damian.
I don’t really know how to start this.
I guess I should say sorry first, because I’ve been feeling awful for months and I was never able to say it out loud. Not to you, not to Noru, not to Darrel, not to Kaeli, not to Christopher, not even to my mom.
I think I hated myself for so long that I ended up convincing myself everyone else had reasons to do it too.
Lately everything felt too heavy. Getting up, talking, replying to messages, pretending I was fine. There were days I’d just stare at the ceiling thinking about how tired I was of being me.
And I know I’m probably exaggerating.
Or maybe not.
Today’s my birthday and none of you came. I don’t blame you, seriously. I know you all have more important things to do. But a part of me couldn’t help thinking that maybe this was the final proof of something I’d been imagining for a long time: that I’m not important to anyone anymore.
Sorry for thinking like that.
Sorry for always making everything awkward.
Sorry for staying quiet so much.
Sorry for not asking for help when I still could.
I think I never learned how to say I was falling apart inside without feeling like a burden.
And there’s something else I never had the courage to tell you.
I love you.
A lot.
More than I should.
I guess it was pretty obvious sometimes, but I still never dared admit it. I was scared of ruining the little I had with you. Besides, I never thought you could feel the same about me.
I’m not telling you this to make you feel guilty. I really don’t want that.
I just... wanted you to know at least once.
Thank you for staying with me all these years. Thank you for the absurd conversations, for listening to me even when I wasn’t saying anything important, for existing in my life even though you probably never understood how much you meant to me.
And sorry.
Sorry for everything, for having to be the one who finds me like this, for having to make you suffer even though I’ll already be dead, I’m really sorry.
With love
-Christian"
Christian left the letter on the desk folded next to the turned-off phone, slowly opened a drawer. Inside there were several things.
Photos with Damian, Noru, Darrel and Kaeli.
A couple of letters confessing his love to Damian that he’ll never be able to give.
A small knife.
And finally,
A rope.
Christian took the rope with trembling hands, tied it to the ceiling and stared at it for a long time. Finally he climbed onto a chair and slipped the noose around his neck, took one last breath, waiting for Damian or even his mother to come through the door and stop him, but nothing happened...
Christian slowly stopped feeling everything.
How the air no longer entered his lungs.
How his thoughts disappeared little by little. The last thing he managed to remember was Damian smiling beside him and then everything went dark.
At 10:34 in the morning the room fell silent and Christian’s body was suspended in the air, hanging from the rope tied to the ceiling.
The park was almost empty at that hour.
The bare branches of the trees moved with the freezing winter wind, and the damp grass crunched under Darrel’s sneakers as he walked back and forth holding a bag full of drinks and fries.
"So let’s go over the plan again because you guys are stupid," Kaeli said, adjusting her scarf. "We go in quietly, go up fast, and surprise Christian before he has time to kick us out."
"What if he’s already asleep?" Darrel asked.
"It’s seven in the evening."
"He could still be asleep."
Noru let out a short laugh before looking at Damian, who had a small gift box hidden under his jacket.
"The real question is when you’re gonna stop looking at him like an abandoned dog and just confess already."
Damian almost choked on his own saliva.
"Shut up."
"No, seriously," Noru continued, smiling. "We’re literally doing a secret birthday mission and you look like the main character of a teenage romance."
Kaeli burst out laughing.
Darrel started nodding exaggeratedly.
"It’s true. You look pathetic."
"You guys are unbearable," Damian muttered, completely embarrassed.
Noru gave him a soft punch on the shoulder.
"But you like him a lot."
Damian shifted his gaze to the wet ground of the park, gripping the little box tighter in his hands.
"I’d planned it for a while... I was just waiting for the right moment."
For a few seconds no one teased him.
Kaeli even smiled a little softer.
"Well," she said finally, "then today is the right moment."
The freezing wind cut through the park again as they started walking up the street. The house lights were already on, weakly lighting the empty street.
And after a few minutes, they finally arrived in front of Christian’s house.
Everything was dark.
Darrel was the first to knock on the door.
The whole group stayed silent while they waited, the winter cold seeping through their jackets and the gift bags hidden behind Kaeli.
After a few seconds, the door finally opened.
Christian’s mother appeared wrapped in a gray shawl. When she saw them, she frowned slightly, surprised.
"Guys?" she asked softly. "What are you doing here so late?"
Noru lifted the bag he was holding slightly.
"We came to see Christian for his birthday."
The woman’s expression shifted slightly.
Something like worry crossed her face.
"What date is it today?"
The four of them looked at each other confused for a moment.
"October seventh," Damian answered slowly. "It’s Saturday."
Christian’s mother stayed quiet for a few seconds, like she’d forgotten something important. Then she smiled quickly, too quickly.
"Of course... you’re right. Come in."
She stepped aside to let them in.
The house was warm, but strangely silent.
"I’m going to run out for a few things," she said as she grabbed her keys. "Christian must be upstairs."
"Okay," Kaeli replied.
The woman left shortly after, closing the door behind her.
And silence returned immediately.
Noru exhaled slowly.
"This house is a little scary when it’s this quiet."
"Talk quieter," Darrel murmured.
They went up the stairs slowly, trying not to make noise. The steps creaked under their feet as they walked down the dark hallway on the second floor.
Christian’s bedroom door was closed.
There was no light under the door.
Damian felt his heart start beating faster as he gripped the small gift box inside his jacket pocket.
Noru smirked slightly.
"Last chance to confess."
Damian shot him an embarrassed look.
"Don’t start."
Kaeli adjusted the bags she was holding better in her arms.
Darrel raised his hand toward the door.
And for a moment, the four of them stood still in front of Christian’s room, bracing themselves to go in.
Darrel opened the door slowly.
For a second, no one understood what they were seeing.
The room was clean.
Silent.
The air felt cold and heavy, like something inside that place had completely erased any trace of life.
The bags fell from Kaeli’s hands to the floor.
Damian looked up.
And felt something inside him break immediately.
"No..." he whispered.
The gift box slipped from between his fingers and hit the floor without him even noticing.
Noru stepped back automatically, bringing a hand to his mouth. Darrel stayed frozen by the door, completely pale.
But Damian reacted first.
"CHRISTIAN!"
He ran to him desperately, almost tripping right away over the chair near the desk. His hands shook so much he could barely hold him as he tried to lower him, breathing in short gasps.
"No, no, no... please... please..."
His voice broke more and more.
Kaeli started crying behind him.
Darrel finally reacted and moved quickly to help him, even though his own hands were shaking too.
Noru stayed completely paralyzed near the doorway, unable to look away from the scene.
Damian could barely think.
Everything felt unreal.
The cold.
The silence.
The perfectly ordered room.
The letter on the desk.
"Christian, look at me... look at me, please..." Damian repeated desperately, like he could still hear him.
But there was no answer.
And that finished destroying him.
Damian kept trying to make him respond even though, deep down, part of him already understood nothing was going to change.
"Christian... please... please..."
His voice was completely broken.
His hands shook so much he could barely hold him as tears fell uncontrollably down his face. He tried to talk to him, move him a little, repeat his name over and over like that could bring him back.
But nothing happened.
Christian’s eyes stayed empty.
Still.
Not responding.
And that made Damian cry even harder.
Darrel stayed beside them not knowing what to do. He breathed fast, too fast, as he tried to wipe the tears away with the back of his hand. His whole body shook.
"This can’t be happening..." he murmured with a broken voice.
But no one answered.
Noru stayed by the doorframe, gripping it tightly so he wouldn’t fall. He felt his legs weak, unable to hold him up properly. His gaze fixed ahead, completely pale, like his mind had stopped working.
Kaeli cried without being able to stop.
She didn’t even try to hide it.
The sound of her sobs filled the room along with Damian’s desperate breathing.
And then they heard the front door open downstairs.
Christian’s mother’s voice echoed from the first floor.
"Guys? What’s going on?"
Christopher came with her, holding some bags as both of them went up the stairs quickly after hearing the noise and crying.
"Why are you scre—?"
The woman’s voice cut off abruptly the moment she reached the door.
The bags fell to the floor.
Christopher stayed completely frozen behind her.
And for a horrible moment, absolutely no one was able to say a single word.
Christian’s mother let out a broken, choked sound before bringing both hands to her mouth.
Like her whole body had just shattered in front of them.
The funeral happened four days later.
Winter was still covering everything with that unbearable cold that seemed to stick to your skin. The sky was completely gray, and a light drizzle fell every now and then over the silent cemetery.
Damian barely remembered how he’d gotten there.
The last few days felt blurry in his head. People coming in and out of Christian’s house. Muffled crying. Coffee cups abandoned on tables. Unanswered messages. None of them had really slept since that night.
Noru sat beside him, completely quiet, with dark circles under his eyes and his gaze lost on the ground.
Darrel kept his hands clasped so tightly his knuckles had turned white.
Kaeli was still holding a damp tissue between her hands, trying to wipe her tears even though they never fully stopped falling.
And in front of all of them was Christian’s coffin.
Damian avoided looking at it.
Every time he lifted his gaze he felt something crushing his chest.
He couldn’t stop thinking about the room.
About the silence.
About that night.
He squeezed his eyes shut immediately.
He didn’t want to remember it again.
The ceremony continued slowly, full of words Damian could barely hear.
"He was a good kid."
"He was always kind."
"I’m so sorry for your loss."
The phrases repeated over and over.
And none of them helped.
When it finally ended, people started leaving little by little. Some relatives hugged Christian’s mother before going. Others left flowers near the coffin and walked away in silence under the winter cold.
Damian stayed seated.
He didn’t have the strength to get up.
That’s when he saw Christian’s mother slowly approaching him.
Her eyes were swollen and tired. She looked smaller than before, like those last days had taken years off her life.
She was holding several envelopes in her hands.
Five.
"Damian..." she said softly.
He looked up immediately.
The woman stayed quiet a few seconds before holding out the letters to him.
Damian took them slowly, confused.
He recognized Christian’s handwriting instantly.
That was enough to make his hands tremble.
All the envelopes had the same name written on them.
Damian.
The air seemed to disappear from him all at once.
"I found them kept in a box in his room..." Christian’s mother murmured with a broken voice. "I think he wrote them at different times."
Damian stared at the letters without fully understanding what he was seeing.
Five envelopes.
All addressed to him.
Some were more crumpled than others. One even had small stains of smudged ink, like Christian had hesitated while writing it.
"I... I didn’t know they existed..." Damian whispered.
Christian’s mother lowered her gaze a few seconds before speaking again.
"No one opened them."
Damian felt his heart beating too fast.
Something inside him started breaking even before reading a single word.
And then he remembered the small gift box still kept in his coat pocket.
He’d brought it to the funeral.
It was still there.
He never got to give it to him.
That finished destroying him completely.
Damian dropped his head abruptly as a trembling breath escaped his chest. Then another. And another.
Until he finally started crying again.
Hard.
Unable to stop.
The letters crumpled slightly between his hands as he tried to breathe.
"I should’ve gone earlier..." he murmured through tears. "I should’ve stayed with him..."
His voice kept breaking.
"He shouldn’t have been alone..."
Christian’s mother hugged him immediately.
Damian practically collapsed against her, shaking from head to toe as he kept crying inconsolably.
And she started crying silently too.
She stroked his hair slowly, trying to comfort him even though she herself was completely destroyed.
"It wasn’t your fault..." she whispered with a broken voice.
But Damian didn’t seem to hear her.
He kept clinging to the five letters like they were the last thing left of Christian.
Damian kept gripping the letters so hard the paper was completely crumpled between his hands.
Christian’s mother kept hugging him, trying to hold him up while he shook uncontrollably. The cold of the cemetery seemed to have gotten straight into his bones, but even so Damian barely felt it.
The only thing he could think about was Christian.
About his voice.
About the group messages.
About the gift box still kept inside his coat.
And about the five letters with his name written on them.
Five.
Christian had tried to tell him something five times.
And he never noticed.
Damian let out a broken breath before shaking his head repeatedly.
"No... no... this can’t be real..." he murmured through tears.
Christian’s mother closed her eyes a few seconds, stroking his hair slowly.
But Damian kept talking, desperate, like he needed to get it all out before drowning.
"I was going to tell him..." his voice broke immediately. "I really was going to do it..."
He could barely breathe properly.
"That day... I was going to tell him I liked him... I’d wanted to for months..."
Tears kept falling constantly down his face as he pressed the letters to his chest.
"Maybe if I’d done it sooner..." he murmured, shaking. "Maybe if I’d told him I loved him... none of this would’ve happened..."
Christian’s mother let out a small sob when she heard him.
Damian kept denying it all with his head, completely destroyed.
"He thought he was alone... and I... I wasn’t even able to tell him how important he was to me..."
His voice started breaking even more.
"Maybe if I’d gone to see him sooner... if I’d stayed with him... if I’d confessed everything..."
He didn’t finish the sentence.
He couldn’t.
The pain was completely closing his throat.
Christian’s mother hugged him tighter then, crying silently herself too.
"Damian..." she whispered with a broken voice. "You can’t do this to yourself..."
But he barely seemed to hear her.
He kept staring at the letters in his hands like he was waiting to wake up any moment and discover none of it was real.
Like there was still a chance to go back.
Night fell slowly over the cemetery.
The cold got more intense after everyone left. The distant city lights barely reached the wet paths between the graves, and the winter wind moved the flowers left during the burial.
But Damian was still there.
Lying next to Christian’s grave.
Like leaving would make it real.
His coat was damp from the wet grass and his hands were still freezing, but he didn’t really seem to notice. He stayed motionless, staring at the dark gray sky while keeping one hand inside his coat pocket.
The five letters were still there.
Crumpled.
Clutched between his fingers like they were the only thing keeping him together.
Damian still hadn’t opened them.
He couldn’t do it.
Because opening them meant accepting something he was still refusing to understand.
He closed his eyes a few seconds before letting out a trembling breath.
"This is a horrible joke... right?" he murmured.
His voice sounded small in the middle of the empty cemetery.
Damian turned his head slightly toward the new headstone in front of him.
He still couldn’t connect it to Christian.
It just didn’t make sense.
Christian was supposed to be in his room. Ignoring messages. Sleeping. Listening to music too loud. Complaining about the cold.
Not there.
Not underground.
Damian swallowed with difficulty.
"You didn’t even like cemeteries..." he said quietly, like he was talking to him normally. "You said they scared you."
A small, broken laugh escaped his throat before disappearing quickly.
The wind moved the flowers once more.
Damian squeezed his eyes shut as another tear ran down his cheek.
"You can’t be dead..." he whispered. "You just can’t..."
And then he heard a voice.
"Damian."
The boy opened his eyes wide.
His heart gave a painful jolt.
Christian was there.
Leaning on the headstone with both arms crossed on top of it, resting his head on them as he watched him in silence.
He was wearing the same navy blue hoodie.
The same black t-shirt.
His expression looked calm. Tired. Like he’d been there for a long time.
Damian stopped breathing for an instant.
"...Christian...?"
His voice came out broken immediately.
Christian tilted his head slightly, looking at him fixedly.
"Stop crying," he murmured softly.
Damian sat up quickly, his hands shaking violently as he watched him like he was afraid he’d disappear.
But Christian was still there.
Looking at him.
Like nothing had actually happened.
Like that night had never existed.
Damian couldn’t look away from him.
He felt his heart beating so hard it hurt his chest.
Christian was still leaning on the headstone with both arms on top of it, resting his head on them as he watched him in silence. The wind barely moved his dark hair and the navy blue hoodie looked too real under the cemetery’s weak lights.
Damian breathed in short gasps before moving a little closer.
"How...?" his voice broke immediately. "How are you still here?"
Christian looked away for an instant.
"I don’t want to talk about that."
"But I saw you..."
Christian just closed his eyes a few seconds.
"Damian."
The way he said his name was enough to make him shut up.
Christian fell silent again, leaning on the headstone like he was completely avoiding the topic.
And Damian, desperate not to lose him again, decided not to push.
Because if he asked too much... maybe he’d disappear.
Silence settled between them again until Damian finally wiped his face with his coat sleeve and let out a tired breath.
"We should go."
Christian raised an eyebrow slightly.
"Go?"
"Yeah... from here."
Damian looked around the cemetery before making an uncomfortable face.
"This place is scary."
Christian let out a small nasal laugh.
"I told you I don’t like cemeteries."
Damian smiled slightly at hearing it.
Because it sounded normal.
It sounded exactly like him.
He got up slowly from the wet ground and started walking toward the cemetery exit. Christian walked at his side in silence, hands in the pockets of his navy blue hoodie.
Downtown still had some lights on despite the hour. There were few people walking the streets, and several shops were already closing.
Damian kept glancing at him every few seconds.
Like he was afraid he’d disappear.
"I knew you weren’t dead," he said suddenly.
Christian turned his head slightly toward him.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah."
Damian nodded quickly.
"That day... nothing made sense."
Christian didn’t answer.
He just kept walking beside him while Damian spoke faster and faster, like he needed to convince himself.
"Your eyes were still open..." he murmured. "You hate sleeping with the lights on and yet your room was lit up."
He swallowed.
"And the letter... you folded it too neatly. You always folded pages badly."
Christian lowered his gaze slightly.
Damian continued immediately.
"Plus, your bed was made."
That seemed to affect him for real.
"You never made your bed."
Christian let out a small, tired laugh.
"That one is a good reason."
Damian smiled slightly, though his eyes were still full of tears.
"See? I knew it."
As they kept walking, a woman passing on the sidewalk slowed down a bit when she heard Damian talking to himself.
She looked at him weird.
Then around him.
And kept walking faster.
Damian frowned slightly.
Further on, two guys coming out of a convenience store also watched him confused when he answered out loud to something Christian had said.
One of them even turned again to keep looking at him.
Damian started noticing the looks.
The discomfort.
People’s confused expressions.
His breathing became a little more unsteady.
"Why are they looking at me like that...?" he asked quietly.
Christian didn’t even turn toward the people.
"Ignore them."
Damian swallowed slowly.
"But..."
"It doesn’t matter."
Christian finally turned his head toward him.
And smiled slightly.
A small smile. Calm.
"Just look at me."
And Damian did immediately.
Like the rest of the world had stopped existing in that instant.
Monday came too fast.
The sky was still gray.
Winter was still covering the streets with that damp cold that made your hands ache.
And Christian was still there.
Damian wasn’t even questioning how it was possible anymore.
He’d simply woken up that morning and found him lying next to him, apparently shirtless with a couple of hickeys on his torso. Damian didn’t remember having sex with him, he was even doubting if Christian was really okay.
When Christian woke up neither of them talked much about it. Damian was afraid to do it, afraid to ask too much and have Christian disappear.
So he just acted like everything was fine, like nothing had happened.
Now both walked toward school under the morning cold. Damian had his hands in his jacket pockets while Christian walked beside him in silence.
"How do you think the others will react when they see you?" Damian asked suddenly.
Christian lifted his gaze slightly.
"I don’t know."
"Do you think they’ll get mad?"
Christian made a small, thoughtful face.
"Probably a little."
Damian let out a short laugh.
"Makes sense."
Christian shifted his gaze to the empty street before continuing.
"But they’ll also be happy."
That was enough to make Damian smile immediately.
Because of course they would.
Everyone had been destroyed those days.
Noru crying.
Darrel not talking.
Kaeli barely eating.
Everything was going to be okay now.
Christian was here.
When they got to school, several students looked weirdly at Damian the moment he crossed the entrance. Some whispered things when they saw him smiling for the first time in days.
But Damian didn’t even pay attention to them.
That’s when he saw Noru near the stairs.
Noru looked awful.
He had dark circles, his uniform was messy and his eyes were tired, like he hadn’t slept well in days.
Damian smiled immediately when he saw him.
"Noru!"
Noru lifted his head slowly.
And stayed still a few seconds when he noticed Damian’s strangely happy expression.
"...What’s got you so happy?" he asked, confused.
Damian frowned slightly.
"Are you blind?"
Noru blinked.
"What?"
Damian turned immediately toward Christian, who was still standing calmly at his side with his hands in the pockets of his navy blue hoodie.
Then he looked at Noru again.
"Christian’s here."
Silence fell all at once.
Noru stopped moving.
Damian smiled slightly, still not understanding his friend’s expression.
"He’s literally right next to me."
Noru started turning pale.
"Damian..."
"Why aren’t you even saying hi?" he asked, confused. "Or aren’t you happy he’s okay?"
Noru opened his mouth a little, but no words came out.
His eyes started filling with tears almost without him realizing.
Damian frowned even more.
"...Are you crying from happiness or what’s wrong with you?"
Noru’s voice came out broken.
"I... I have to go."
And before Damian could answer, Noru started walking away quickly down the hallway, desperately wiping tears away with his sleeve.
"Noru!" Damian took a step forward, confused. "What the hell is wrong with him?"
Christian watched as Noru disappeared around the corner of the hallway.
Then looked back at Damian.
"Maybe he’s too happy."
Damian kept staring at the spot where Noru had disappeared.
Still confused.
Christian shrugged slightly.
"He probably went to get Darrel and Kaeli."
Damian kept staring down the hallway where Noru had disappeared.
Completely confused.
Christian, beside him, shifted his gaze slightly.
"I think you should call him again."
Damian frowned.
"For what?"
"Because he probably went to get Darrel and Kaeli."
Damian thought a few seconds before taking his phone out of his pocket.
"Then I’ll call him first."
Christian just nodded.
Damian quickly looked up Darrel’s contact and called. The phone rang only a few seconds before someone answered.
"Where are you?" Darrel asked immediately. "I haven’t seen you anywhere in school."
Damian started walking again while Christian moved calmly beside him.
"We just got here."
There were a few seconds of silence on the other end.
"...Who’s with you?"
Damian smiled slightly.
"Christian."
Silence again.
Much longer this time.
"What...?" Darrel’s voice sounded broken. "Repeat that."
Damian let out a small nasal laugh.
"That I’m with Christian, idiot."
Christian, walking beside him, lifted his gaze slightly.
"Tell them to meet at the second-floor bathroom."
Damian nodded immediately.
"Christian says we should go to the second-floor bathroom."
Darrel took several seconds to answer.
"...Okay."
And the call ended.
Damian put the phone away again while he kept walking down the hallway with Christian.
"They’re gonna faint when they see you," he murmured with a small smile.
Christian let out a small laugh.
"Kaeli will probably hit me first."
"Darrel too."
"Noru will just cry."
Damian laughed a little again.
And hearing Christian laugh with him made everything feel normal again.
Like before.
As they went up the stairs toward the second floor, several students kept looking weirdly at Damian when they saw him talking to himself and smiling at someone nonexistent beside him.
But Damian didn’t even notice anymore.
When they got to the bathroom hallway, he saw them immediately.
Kaeli.
Darrel.
And Noru.
The three were at the other end of the hallway.
Noru was still crying.
Darrel hugged him while trying to say something in a low voice, even though he himself looked completely destroyed. Kaeli stayed to one side with her arms crossed tightly against her chest, trying to hold back tears.
Damian slowed down, confused.
Christian watched them too.
"What’s wrong with them...?" he asked.
But none of them answered.
Because none of them even lifted their gaze toward him.
Damian frowned immediately.
"Why aren’t they answering him?"
The three slowly lifted their heads.
And the silence became unbearable.
Damian looked at Christian again before turning back to them.
"You know perfectly well Christian hates being ignored."
Kaeli looked at him with a horrible expression.
Confused.
Sad.
Like she was watching something break in front of her.
Darrel couldn’t even look at him directly.
He kept hugging Noru while breathing unsteadily.
Damian started getting genuinely upset.
"What the hell is wrong with you guys?"
Christian stayed quiet beside him, watching the others in silence.
Damian opened his arms in frustration.
"Aren’t you happy he’s okay?"
The hallway stayed completely silent.
All you could hear was Noru’s trembling breathing and the distant sound of some voices coming from other classrooms.
Damian stayed standing next to Christian, frowning slightly when he noticed the others’ strange expressions.
Like everyone understood something except him.
Darrel finally let go of Noru slowly and took a step forward.
His eyes were still red.
"Damian..." he started slowly. "Listen to me for a moment, okay?"
Damian sighed tiredly.
"Don’t start you too."
Christian kept standing beside him, watching everything in silence.
Darrel swallowed before continuing.
"We’re not trying to fight with you."
"Then don’t act like I’m saying something weird."
Damian’s voice sounded annoyed, but still calm.
He immediately pointed at Christian, who was still beside him with his hands in the pockets of his navy blue hoodie.
"He’s here."
Kaeli looked at the empty space Damian was pointing at.
And the sadness in her expression became even more obvious.
"Damian..." she murmured softly. "We know how much you loved him."
"I love him."
The correction came out immediately.
Kaeli lowered her gaze slightly.
"Yes... but..."
It took her a few seconds to continue.
"You have to try to move forward a little."
Damian let out a small, disbelieving laugh.
"Move forward from what? If Christian’s literally standing beside me."
Christian turned his head slightly toward him.
"Damian..."
But he kept talking.
"I don’t understand why everyone’s acting so weird."
Noru finally lifted his head, wiping his tears away quickly.
"We’re just worried about you..."
Damian frowned slightly.
"You don’t need to worry."
Then he looked back at Christian.
"Say something to them."
Christian stayed quiet a few seconds.
That made Damian start feeling uncomfortable.
Darrel took another small step forward.
Carefully.
"We miss him a ton too."
Damian shook his head slightly.
"You don’t have to miss him if he’s here."
Christian tried to interrupt again.
"Hey, maybe you should—"
"Why isn’t anyone answering him?" Damian asked, this time looking at the others again. "You know perfectly well he hates being ignored."
Kaeli ended up bringing a hand to her face while trying to hold back tears.
Darrel shifted his gaze to the floor.
And Noru started crying silently again.
Damian’s confusion slowly started mixing with frustration.
He didn’t understand why everyone kept acting like this.
Christian took a small step toward him.
"Damian, calm down a little."
But Damian barely paid attention to him.
He kept looking at his friends.
Waiting for them to finally react normally.
"Aren’t you happy he’s okay...?"
The hallway fell silent again after Damian’s question.
Kaeli kept wiping her tears in frustration.
Darrel kept his gaze down.
And Noru could barely breathe normally.
Damian watched them confused before looking back at Christian.
"I don’t understand why they’re reacting like this."
Christian stayed quiet this time, leaning against the wall near him.
Darrel breathed in slowly.
"Damian... please... just listen to us a little."
Damian let out a tired sigh.
"I am listening to you."
"No, not really."
Darrel’s voice came out soft.
Almost broken.
"Christian died."
Damian shook his head immediately.
"No."
The answer came out too fast.
Too automatic.
"We all saw him," Darrel continued very carefully. "We were there."
Damian swallowed.
"And I was there too," he murmured. "But now he’s here, so clearly something went wrong."
Christian lowered his gaze slightly when he heard it.
Kaeli moved a little closer again.
"Damian... sometimes people... see things when they’re too emotionally hurt..."
Damian frowned immediately.
"I’m not making it up."
"No one’s saying that."
"Then stop talking to me like I’m crazy."
Kaeli closed her eyes a few seconds.
"I don’t think that about you."
Christian lifted his head slightly toward Damian.
"Hey..."
But Damian was still too focused on the others.
Noru finally let out a trembling breath.
"Enough already..."
Everyone turned to look at him.
Noru’s eyes were completely full of tears again.
He looked exhausted.
Destroyed.
"I can’t keep doing this..."
His voice started breaking.
Damian watched him confused.
"Doing what?"
Noru let out a small, choked laugh before wiping his face hard.
"If this is some kind of joke... you can say it now."
Damian blinked.
"What?"
"Because it’s not funny."
The sentence came out way more upset than Noru probably intended.
Tears kept falling as he spoke.
"Christian is dead, Damian."
The hallway fell completely silent.
Damian felt his chest tighten immediately.
Christian shifted his gaze to the floor.
Noru shook his head repeatedly as he stepped back.
"I can’t listen to you talk to the air like he’s here..."
His voice broke again.
"I can’t."
And before Damian could answer, Noru simply turned around and started walking away quickly down the hallway.
Darrel let out a tired breath before looking at Damian one last time.
There was guilt in his eyes.
Worry.
Fear.
"I'm sorry..." he murmured.
And he quickly went out after Noru.
Kaeli stayed still a few more seconds.
Looking at Damian.
Then she walked slowly toward him and hugged him carefully.
Damian froze immediately.
"Everything’s going to be okay..." Kaeli whispered with a broken voice. "Even if it doesn’t seem like it now."
Damian lowered his gaze slightly.
Still confused.
Still not understanding why everyone kept acting like this.
Kaeli let go of him slowly after a few seconds.
And before leaving behind the others, she looked one last time at the empty space beside Damian.
Like she wished she could see Christian there too.
But she saw nothing.
Just Damian completely alone in the middle of the hallway.
Damian stayed still in the middle of the hallway after Kaeli left.
School kept moving normally around him. People walking. Distant voices. Doors closing.
But he felt his head strangely empty.
Christian was still at his side, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.
"Maybe Noru hit his head or something," he said after a while. "Everyone seemed more worried about him."
Damian finally lifted his gaze toward him.
Christian shrugged slightly.
"Don’t worry about it so much."
His voice sounded calm.
Normal.
Like always.
"He’ll probably get over it later."
Damian let out a slow breath before nodding slightly.
"...Yeah."
Christian immediately pushed off the wall.
"Plus, Noru always cries about everything."
That made Damian let out a small nasal laugh.
"That’s true."
And hearing Christian joke again made the awful pressure in his chest ease a little.
Right then the bell rang.
The sound echoed through the whole school.
Damian sighed tiredly.
"We have history now."
Christian made an immediate grimace.
"I hate history."
"I know."
They started walking toward the classroom while Damian kept talking about anything. About the boring teacher. About the test they’d probably fail. About how Darrel would surely fall asleep in class again.
Christian answered every now and then with small comments or short jokes.
And that made everything feel normal again.
When they entered the classroom, Christian walked straight to the seat by the window and slumped there, resting his head on one hand while looking outside.
Damian smiled slightly before sitting in the desk next to him.
A few minutes later, Noru and Darrel appeared at the door.
Noru still looked awful.
Eyes swollen.
Expression exhausted.
Darrel said something quietly to him before fully entering the room, and Noru barely nodded.
Finally both walked to the seats behind Damian and sat in silence.
Damian turned slightly toward Christian again.
"I bet Darrel falls asleep before twenty minutes."
Christian let out a small laugh.
"Fifteen."
"Ten."
Christian laughed softly again.
Behind them, Darrel watched Damian talk and smile at the empty seat by the window.
The worry on his face was impossible to hide.
Noru kept his gaze fixed on the desk, breathing slowly like he was trying not to cry again.
Darrel hesitated a few seconds before tearing out a small sheet from his notebook.
He wrote something quickly and passed it discreetly to Noru.
"Should we do something?"
Noru read the note.
And took too long to answer.
Noru stared at the note for several seconds before finally writing something underneath.
"Maybe we should tell his mom... and Christian’s mom too."
Darrel read the answer slowly.
Then he lifted his gaze slightly toward Damian.
Damian kept talking calmly to the empty seat by the window, like everything was completely normal.
Like Christian was really there.
Darrel felt a horrible knot forming in his chest.
He lowered his gaze to the paper again and wrote another sentence quickly.
"He’s acting like Christian came back to life by magic..."
Noru read that and swallowed slowly.
Neither of them knew what to do really.
Because Damian didn’t seem to be faking.
That was the worst part.
He looked genuinely happy for the first time since the funeral.
In front of them, Damian kept talking with Christian about any nonsense.
The teacher still hadn’t arrived to the classroom, so the atmosphere was still full of murmurs and distant conversations.
Christian finally let out a small yawn before resting his head on one of his arms on top of the desk.
"I’m sleepy."
Damian smiled slightly.
"You slept like three hours."
"Exactly."
Christian closed his eyes slowly.
"Wake me up if the teacher starts talking about wars again."
"That’s literally the whole subject."
Christian let out a small nasal laugh before staying still on the desk.
Damian watched him a few seconds more before turning back.
Right at that moment, Darrel quickly folded the paper and Noru practically hid it under the notebook.
Damian frowned slightly.
"What are you talking about?"
Darrel reacted first.
And after barely a second of doubt... he decided to play along.
He forced a small, tired smile.
"Nothing important."
Then he briefly looked toward the empty seat by the window.
"Just... that it’s good to have Christian here again."
Noru lifted his head suddenly to look at Darrel, completely confused.
Darrel gave him a quick look back.
A desperate look.
Like clearly telling him “go along with it”.
Noru swallowed slowly before looking back at Damian.
It cost him a lot, but he ended up nodding slightly.
"Yeah... of course."
His voice came out weird.
Tense.
"It’s... good to see him again."
Damian smiled immediately when he heard that.
Like they were finally reacting normally.
"See? I told you were overreacting."
Darrel felt like crying again.
But even so he kept his expression calm.
"Yeah... I guess so."
Then he quickly changed the subject before Damian started noticing something weird.
"Did you do the math homework in the end?"
Damian made an immediate grimace.
"No."
"Knew it."
Noru immediately took advantage to keep changing the topic.
"I didn’t do it either."
"Perfect," Damian murmured. "Then we’re all gonna fail together."
And while the three started talking about any stupid thing related to classes and homework, Christian kept “sleeping” calmly on the desk by the window.
Invisible to everyone except Damian.
A few hours later, Damian left school with Christian and Kaeli.
The sky was still gray, and the afternoon cold made the air hurt a little when you breathed.
Kaeli walked slightly ahead of them with her hands in her jacket pockets, completely quiet. Every now and then she glanced sideways at Damian talking to someone beside him.
Or rather... talking to himself.
Christian walked calmly next to Damian, commenting about any nonsense from class while Damian answered like nothing was weird.
Kaeli felt her chest tighten every time she heard that.
But she didn’t say anything.
Meanwhile, much further back, Noru and Darrel watched as the three turned a corner before finally stopping.
Noru looked exhausted.
"We can’t keep pretending this is okay..." he murmured with a broken voice.
Darrel nodded slowly.
And both ended up walking toward Damian’s house.
When they knocked on the door, Damian’s mother opened after a few seconds.
Her expression changed immediately when she saw them.
"Noru? Darrel? I thought you were at school."
Darrel swallowed before answering.
"Damian just left, right?"
She nodded slowly.
"Yes, he left a little while ago."
Noru lowered his gaze slightly.
"We know... that’s why we came."
That was enough to worry her.
She let them in immediately and took them to the dining room. Both boys sat in silence while she made something hot to drink.
The atmosphere felt awful.
Heavy.
Finally, Damian’s mother sat in front of them.
"What’s going on?"
Darrel quickly looked at Noru.
But Noru could barely speak.
His eyes were full of tears again.
"Damian..." he tried to start, but his voice broke immediately.
He covered his face embarrassed as he started crying again.
Damian’s mother frowned, clearly worried.
Darrel ended up speaking for him.
He explained everything slowly.
How Damian talked with Christian.
How he insisted he was still alive.
How he answered to the air.
How he acted like nothing had really happened.
As he spoke, his voice also started breaking.
Because saying it out loud made everything sound much worse.
Noru kept crying silently beside him.
Damian’s mother stayed quiet several seconds after hearing it all.
She looked pale.
Worried.
Scared.
Finally she stood up slowly.
"I’m gonna make you hot chocolate, okay?"
Her voice came out soft.
Almost maternal.
Like she was trying to calm them both down.
Noru nodded slightly while trying to wipe his face.
A few minutes later, she came back with the mugs and set them on the table.
"I’ll try to talk to him..." she murmured worried. "And if this keeps going... I’ll look for more professional help."
Darrel lowered his gaze slowly.
"Thanks..."
Right then, the front door opened.
"We’re back."
Damian’s voice echoed from the entrance.
Noru and Darrel tensed immediately.
Damian appeared seconds later... completely alone.
But smiling toward the empty space beside him.
"Kaeli had to leave early," he commented as he took off his jacket. "She said she was tired."
Then he looked up.
And frowned when he saw Noru and Darrel sitting in the dining room.
"What are you doing here?"
Christian was still “standing” beside him in silence.
Damian’s mother came closer slowly.
Trying to stay calm.
Damian didn’t even notice everyone’s worried expression.
He just looked back toward Christian.
"Hey, can he sleep over today?"
Silence fell immediately.
Damian’s mother took a deep breath before speaking very carefully.
"Damian... honey..."
He lifted his gaze toward her.
"Christian isn’t here."
Damian’s expression changed immediately.
Like she’d just said something ridiculous.
"What?"
"Christian died."
The sentence came out soft.
Trembling.
Trying not to make him explode.
Damian let out a small, disbelieving laugh as he shook his head.
"Seriously they filled your head with that again?"
Noru immediately lowered his gaze.
Darrel pressed his lips together.
Damian’s mother moved a little closer again.
"We just want to help you—"
"I don’t need help."
The answer came out dry.
Upset.
Damian looked straight at Noru and Darrel.
"You told them all your exaggerations, right?"
"Damian..." Darrel tried to say.
"He’s here."
He immediately pointed at the empty space beside him.
"He’s literally standing next to me right now."
Damian’s mother felt a horrible shiver run through her body.
But even so she tried to stay calm.
"There’s no one there..."
Damian slowly started getting frustrated.
"Why does everyone keep doing this?"
Christian watched the scene in silence from his side.
And Damian looked back at Noru and Darrel angrily.
"I thought at least you guys would stop acting like I’d gone crazy."
The atmosphere inside the house had become unbearably tense.
Damian was still standing near the entrance, breathing faster and faster while the others watched him with worry.
Christian stayed silent beside him.
Noru finally lifted his head again. His eyes were still red from crying so much.
"Damian... please..." he murmured with a broken voice. "Try to listen to us even a little."
Damian shook his head immediately.
"I’ve listened to you enough."
"We’re not trying to hurt you."
"Then stop saying Christian isn’t here."
Noru swallowed slowly before continuing.
"You saw the same thing we did that night..."
That was enough to make Damian’s expression change completely.
Like she’d touched something he didn’t want to remember.
"No."
"Damian—"
"Don’t talk about that."
His voice came out much more trembling this time.
Darrel took a small step forward.
"We just want to help you because we’re worried—"
"Enough already!"
The sentence came out broken.
He didn’t really yell.
But the pain in his voice made everyone go quiet.
Damian started crying again almost without realizing.
Frustrated.
Confused.
"Why does everyone act like I’m the problem...?"
Damian’s mother tried to get closer.
"Honey—"
But Damian stepped back immediately.
Then he just left the house.
The door slammed shut behind him.
The afternoon cold hit him immediately in the face as he kept walking without a clear direction, wiping tears away in frustration.
Christian walked quickly beside him.
"Hey... are you okay?"
Damian shook his head slightly.
His eyes kept filling with tears.
"Can we not talk about that...?"
Christian stayed quiet a few seconds before nodding.
"...Okay."
Silence fell between them.
Damian kept walking without really looking where he was going. His hands shook inside the pockets of his black coat.
He was still wearing the same dark suit he’d worn during Christian’s burial.
The black shirt.
The crooked tie.
The shoes slightly muddy from the cemetery.
Christian had insisted so much that he looked good like that.
"You look elegant for once," he’d told him that morning.
And Damian hadn’t wanted to change after that.
Now he walked completely disoriented down the cold streets while the lights slowly started turning on around him.
Christian kept moving beside him.
"Where are we going?"
Damian took several seconds to answer.
He kept crying silently as he walked.
"I don’t know..."
His voice came out small.
Lost.
They kept walking for a really long time.
So long the sky ended up turning completely dark.
The cold got worse.
And Christian asked it again several times.
"Where are we going?"
"I don’t know."
"Damian..."
"I don’t know."
Until finally Damian stopped.
His breathing caught the moment he lifted his gaze.
In front of him was the cemetery.
The exterior lights barely lit the metal entrance.
Christian frowned slightly.
"What are we doing here?"
Damian didn’t answer.
He just started walking inside.
Faster and faster.
Christian followed immediately as Damian moved between the graves with his breathing completely unsteady.
He looked desperately at every headstone.
Every name.
Every row.
Like he was searching for something awful he hoped he’d never find.
And then he saw it.
"Christian Nasvyele Pendragon."
Damian stood completely still in front of the headstone.
The air had disappeared from his lungs.
The letters carved into the stone seemed to warp in front of his wet eyes.
"Christian Nasvyele Pendragon."
His legs started trembling.
Slowly he turned his head to the side.
Christian was still there.
Standing next to him under the cemetery’s weak lights, wearing the navy blue hoodie and his hands in his pockets.
The same calm expression as always.
Damian stared at him for several seconds.
Like he was waiting to wake up.
"...Are you still alive...?" he finally asked.
His voice came out broken.
Small.
Christian didn’t answer immediately.
He just smiled slightly.
And that made Damian’s chest hurt even more.
"Christian..." his breathing started breaking again. "Are you still alive?"
The wind moved through the cemetery slowly.
Christian lowered his gaze slightly before looking back at him.
And this time the smile looked sad.
Tired.
"Damian..."
His voice sounded soft.
Too soft.
"Just let me go."
Damian felt something break inside him.
He shook his head immediately.
"No..."
Christian took a small step toward him.
"I’m already dead."
The sentence fell on Damian like a horrible blow.
Tears started running down his face again immediately.
"No..."
"I’m sorry."
Christian looked at him with unbearable sadness.
"I’m really sorry."
Damian kept shaking his head desperately as he stepped back.
"No, no, no—"
"My suicide wasn’t your fault."
That made Damian stop breathing for an instant.
Christian smiled slightly again.
A small smile.
Painful.
"It was never your fault."
The wind moved the flowers around the grave again.
And slowly... Christian started disappearing.
Like smoke dissolving into the cold air.
Damian opened his eyes wide.
"...Christian?"
His voice came out terrified.
Christian kept fading in front of him.
"No— wait— wait—"
He tried to move closer quickly, but it was already too late.
"CHRISTIAN"
And then he disappeared completely.
The cemetery fell silent again.
Empty.
Damian stayed motionless several seconds staring at the empty space in front of the headstone.
Then he let out a small laugh.
A broken laugh.
Unsteady.
Like his head had stopped working correctly.
And he kept laughing.
Even though tears kept falling down his face.
Until finally the laugh started breaking too.
Slowly transforming into awful sobs.
Damian ended up leaning clumsily on Christian’s headstone as he cried desperately, clinging to the stone like it was the only thing keeping him standing.
And that’s how they found him.
Noru.
Darrel.
And Kaeli.
The three had gone looking for him a while ago.
And the moment they saw him by the grave... they understood everything immediately.
Damian kept crying over the headstone while trying to breathe.
Completely destroyed.
Noru covered his mouth immediately when he saw him like that.
Kaeli started crying again.
And Darrel just closed his eyes a few seconds, feeling his chest shatter when he realized Christian had finally disappeared from Damian’s mind too.
Noru was the first to approach.
Carefully.
Like he was afraid Damian would just break in front of them.
Damian was still leaning on the headstone, shaking violently while trying to breathe between sobs. His hands clung desperately to the cold stone where Christian’s name was still engraved.
Like he was still waiting for him to disappear.
"Damian..." Noru’s voice came out completely broken.
Damian didn’t lift his head.
Tears kept falling without stopping.
Darrel got there a few seconds later and knelt quickly beside him.
"Hey... hey, calm down..."
But Damian shook his head immediately.
"I can’t..."
His voice barely came out.
Kaeli also ended up approaching, wiping her face as she knelt near him.
The cemetery cold seemed to have become unbearable.
Damian kept crying in an awful way.
Desperate.
Like everything was finally falling on him all at once.
"I... I really saw him..." he murmured haltingly. "I talked with him..."
Noru felt his eyes fill with tears again hearing it.
"I know..."
Damian brought both hands to his face while he kept crying.
"I thought he was here... I thought he’d really come back..."
Darrel swallowed slowly before resting a trembling hand on his back.
"It wasn’t your fault."
That made Damian let out another broken breath.
"But he was dead..."
The sentence came out like saying it hurt physically.
Like he could barely stand hearing it out loud.
Kaeli ended up hugging him carefully the moment she saw him start shaking harder.
"Shh... it’s okay..."
Damian shook his head again.
"No, it’s not okay..."
His voice broke completely again.
"I knew something was wrong... but I kept acting like everything was normal..."
Tears kept falling without stopping.
Noru ended up kneeling in front of him too, trying to talk to him softly even though he himself was still crying.
"Losing someone like that... can make your mind try to protect you."
Damian slowly lowered his hands from his face.
Eyes completely red.
Empty.
"But it felt so real..."
No one knew what to say to that.
Because for him it had been real.
Every conversation.
Every walk.
Every smile.
Darrel ended up moving a little closer until he practically hugged him too.
"You don’t have to go through this alone... okay?"
Damian squeezed his eyes shut immediately.
And broke down crying again.
This time more quietly.
More tired.
Kaeli slowly stroked his hair while Noru kept trying to calm him through tears.
And even though Damian still couldn’t fully accept that Christian was dead...
For the first time he started understanding that the voice he’d heard all that time... had never really been there.