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Jesse sat in her room. Her new shiny room as the "hero in residence" she wiped her eyes as she stood up from her bed and looked out her window while sitting on her window sill. She missed the old days. She yearned to be back in her treehouse with Olivia, Axel and especially Ruben. She wanted to play dumb games and ask stupid questions while Axel tried to scare them. Life seemed colorfull back then. But now, life felt gray. Jesse loved her town and the folks in it and she wouldnt trade it for the world. But no matter what she did, she felt out of place. Like she didn't fit in and that she truly was useless. She had been working with Radar and even he got the hang of this quickly, made Jesse think that if anyone could do it then was she really good at what she did?
She could hear her parents right now. Telling her to shape up and stop crying, that no one likes a crybaby. The jokes. The upstages. Jesse hated it all. She remembered it so vividly.
JESSE! how many times do I have to tell you? You need to be quiet. Your to loud. JESSE!! How will you ever function in the world?! It's not all pigs with wings and rainbows! Didnt Jesse do such a good job? I just can't believe we raised such a smart kid. Let me tell you something, people die. And if you act like this it might be your fault. Jesse, you shouldn't eat that much you'll get fat. Jesse have you weighed yourself recently? You look like you've gained a bit of weight. Ugh Jesse. Your a slob clean your fucking room. Jesse—JESSE—are you even listening to me?! Don’t walk away when I’m talking to you! I said STOP—Why do you always do this? Why do you make me repeat myself over and over and over— JESSE WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE A BRAT?! Jesse?! Jesse!! Jesse. Jesse...Jesse..? Jesse..!
Jesse's eyes snapped opens as she looked around her room, tears were steaming down her face. She quickly wiped her tears and tried to bring her self together as she saw Petra in front of her. Jesse ignored how her heart skipped a beat when she saw her. Petra looked like a goddess in the moonlight.
"Uh.." I sniffed, "I..i thought you were out..? Ya know exploring."
I watched at Petra's eyes etched with concern as she sat down next to me. I choked back my tears as we sat in silence. There were no night bugs to listen to, or a fan that would useally run in her room to make white noise.
"Wanted to come back early, it's almost your birthday." Petras voice was soft, it brought Jesse a sense of comfort that she rarely felt these days.
"Oh." Jesse had kinda forgotten about her birthday, she never really celebrated with her parents and when living in the treehouse they didn't have a lot of money so they'd just spend time together, "I forgot. Thank you for being here."
"Wow okay, miss formal." Petra chuckled, "it's just me, don't have to use all those "hero in residence" words.."
I looked over at here and tried to think of something funny to say, "..ha ha.."
Petra sat in silence as I mentally cringed. Sometimes my mom turned out to be right, I was just too socially awkward. How I got this mayor or hero in residence job I don't know. Barley even know whaf it's called. Petra tapped her fingers on the window sill as she looked around the room awkwardly.
"Why were you crying." Petra was straightforward, didn't beat around the bush.
I wanted to tell her. Tell her everything. How I felt how strange this all was, how I missed our old lives how I missed the adventures. How I missed Ruben... thinking about it all made the lump in my throat come back. As I went to talk all that came out was high pitched sob. I shoved my hands into my face as I let it out, I was too tired at this point.
"Jesse..." Petra sighed
I felt as her arms wrapped around me. I immediately fell into her arms and cried into her shoulder, my cheeks flushed from the close contact. Jesse couldmt remember the last time she had actually hugged someone. Her and the gang weren't as close anymore, and hugging just wasn't natural from the group. I sniffed into petras shoulder and smellrd her shirt, it was a smell that brought comfort. She smelled of campfires, dirt and some musky perfume she used quite often. Jesse wanted to die from embarrassment, she felt so..weak. she was sobbing into petras shoulder like a baby. Everyday she felt like she was making some mistake. She thought she had gotten over thin after the wither storm crap but I guess not, her past would always haunt her. Her mother would always be in the back of her mind.
"Do you wanna tell me what's on your mind?" Petras voice was gentle.
I swallowed down a sob, "I miss my old life."
That was only the tip of the iceberg, I had so much more but I didn't want to tell Petra. Petra saw me as a hard worker who could keep it together and stay calm. I wanted her to think I was cool like that, like I had it all together.
"Yeah I get that.." Petra hugged me, "I miss adventuring with you and the gang, when we went through that hall of portals..at the time it wasn't the most fun experience but we had some fun moments..it was nice being together."
"...yeah." I rested my head on her shoulder.
Petra could tell I had more to say, I feel like if you had any social awareness then you'd know I had more going on. A part of me hoped Petra would ask but at the same time I didn't want her too. A part of me felt like I needed to suffer, suffer so I could get stronger. Less weak. But everyone knows that's not how it works. I sighed as Petra rubbed circles on my back, I wanted to melt into her and never leave her side. God Jesse felt like such a hopeless romantic...
"There's something else on your mind. Do you wanna talk about it?"
She said it so softly, like I could say anything even if it was about her. Even if I was about to commit the worst hate crime or murder someone she made it sound like she's never tell another soul, that she wouldnt judge. I betrayed my hearts wished and pulled away from Petra and leaves against the window sill walls. I picked at the skin on the sides of my fingers and I figured out where to start.
"Long story short, I didn't have a good childhood." A moment passed, "and lately it's been bring me down more and more. I thought I had gotten over it after the wither storm stuff but it's just come back and it's been worse."
Petra reminded silent as she listened to me, she waited to see if I was going to talk more or if that was it. But it wasn't my words betrayed my mind and just puked out without me stopping it.
"They would constantly get down on me for everything I swear I couldn't breathe when I was around them and they just hated me honestly. I don't think they ever loved me." I sniffed, "that's why I was crying when you came it,.I just got lost in my own head. I was thinking about it.. lately I feel like I've been proving them right."
I cleared my throat and looked away, my cheeks were already read and I could swear I probably looked like a tomato too her if she could see in the lack of light.
"Jesse I'm sorry...your parents sound like assholes." Jesse chuckled, "but I doubt that your proving them right. Infact your proving them wrong. I didn't think I'd need to remind you but uh, you killed a whole apoctalicic storm, went through many different dimensions AND you went under the eather itself."
I smiled as Petra spoke about me, it was like she was some little kid meeting their idle. She had the biggest wide eyes that sparked in the moonlight. God she was beautiful.
"I guess your right..."
"I am right, Jesse!" Petra grabbed my hand in hers "I want you to know that you might be the coolest person I ever met. Even if you some snobby mayor now or whatever."
Jesse giggled, "Im not snobby!"
"Sure sure.." Petra smiled and let go of my hands, "it's good seeing you smile.'
I blushed and looked away, I didn't think it was possible to blush so much..I had to be low on some sort of vitamin. Maybe I need more water. I felt as Petra suddenly hugged me again. Jesse wrapped her arms around Petra, it felt so natural. I felt her soft breath in the back of my neck and shivered. it had just been me and Radar for so long that I forgot what it was like being this close with someone. Of course Ive hinged a few towns folk in apreation but they weren't my friends and it was never this intamite. Jesse felt like she should go lock the door before someone could accidentally come in. I felt as her hand touch the back of my neck, I held my breath. She pulled away from the hug only a few inches from my face. My breathing was so fast, the moon framed Petra perfectly.
I gasped as she leaned in and kissed me. Her lips were dry and cracking. Petra pulled me closer like she couldn't get enough. it felt like hours before she pulled her lips away from mine but it still felt like it wasn't long enough. I looked at Petra dumbfounded.
"Sorry... You looked like you wanted that.." her face looked to be a bright red, "did..did I over step? I'm sorry if I did."
"No! Um no.. it was great" I stammered trying to get my thoughts together.
Petra laughed at me, and kissed my forehead. I swear I felt myself collapse in her arms. He kissed felt so warm on my face that I swear I could fall asleep right here if she kept it up.
"Jesse." Petra voice sounded more serious, "I don't care what your parents told you. Your not a burden, your not anything they told you were. Your perfect and awesome just the way you are."
I felt my eyes tear up as I looked at her. I was at a loss for words. I kissed her as a thank you, it was probably messy and bad but it was Petra. Petra just said she loves me the way I am. I could live with that.
The rest of the night we stayed up talking till 2 in the morning like we were highschool girls. We gossiped about the people who lived in beacon town and all the things Petra had seen on her latest adventure, apparently she saw a new animal? It was called a "dolphin" Petra was convinced id fall in love with them when I saw them. When we woke up in the morning we were still in the window sill. Our arms and legs were intertwined and I was embarrassed that I had drooled a little on Petra and let her barrow one of my shirts. Jesse was sure she would wasnt getting it back ever again but she'd let it slide.