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Ryland really couldn’t have prepared himself for how difficult it would be to sleep alone again. He’d gotten so used to Rocky’s presence, to his musical voice and his soft exhales through his vents that now he could hardly fall asleep. Even in the solitude of the Hail Mary he felt so… exposed. Like some danger really could hurt him in his sleep.
And in a way, something did. Not a new, much less friendly alien boarding his ship, but nightmares. Memories so horrible he wasn’t sure which parts were exaggerated, terrors of what the Earth has crumbled to in the time he’s been gone, and scene after scene of what could have happened to Rocky, could be happening to Rocky, all alone on his taumoeba-infested ship.
Ryland was doing everything he could. The beetles had been sent, and the Hail Mary was hurtling towards Rocky’s ship to save him. All he could do now was wait.
It was a two month trip to reunite with the Blip-A. As awful as having the fate of humanity on his shoulders, it was one hell of a motivator to keep himself busy. Now the only proactive thing Ryland had to do was upkeep his taumoeba farms, which only took a couple of hours at most. There wasn’t much else to do with his time except sleep or worry about Rocky. And with how restless and bored he constantly was, it was both hard to be tired and hard to get sleep. The understimulation was eating him alive. He needed something to do, something physical, and involved, and–
A memory. It was late at night, papers strewn over a poorly lit desk that was crammed against a twin bed. There was a matching set on the opposite side of the small room. It was… it was his college dorm room. It was finals week and he was studying for his o-chem exam. He’d been hunched over at his desk all day while his roommate went to a party. His body was cramped and achy from hardly moving, his brain was leaking out of his ears, and he was getting so frustrated at reading the same sentence over and over again, but nothing was processing no matter how hard he tried.
He slammed his textbook shut and flopped onto his bed. This was pointless, his grade and fate may as well already be sealed. Ryland was wound so tight that sleep wouldn’t dare approach him in his current state. He needed to relieve some pressure now. He hastily grabbed the waistbands of his sweatpants and boxers, yanked them down to his knees, pumped a spurt of lotion into his hand and–
Ah. He remembered how that night ended. He came three times before his energy was zapped enough to get some sleep. The sun was peeking through his window before he conked out, then had to take his final almost as soon as he woke up. He was surprised and pretty impressed he managed to get that 77%–
Wait. Wait a minute. When was the last time he jerked off?
He wasn’t keen on pursing through more memories of his time on Stratt’s Vat so that chunk of time would just be an unknown. He obviously hadn’t while he was in his four year coma, and then he was a little too preoccupied with trying to remember who he was, saving humanity from an extinction event, and befriending an actual alien to give much mind to uh… cleaning out the pipes.
Man, he really hadn’t touched himself in years. While hookups were never really his thing, and nights with long term partners were never as frequent as they had wanted, Ryland had no issue with handling these needs. While plenty of people would have told him it’s sad how familiar he was with his right hand, Ryland could never care enough to try changing it. It always felt better when he was taking care of himself, more comfortable, so he had no qualms with rubbing one or two out when the mood hit.
And now that he acknowledged the mood existed, it hit him hard. He really hadn’t masturbated in over four years, no wonder he was so pent up. Ryland preemptively grabbed a towel from the bathroom and cozied up on his bed. He felt giddy, like that college kid he once was– excited to take advantage of having the dorm to himself for the night. He took a deep breath as he situated himself to recline against his pillow before lowering his hand and pressing between his legs.
He was already at half-mast. This was going to go quick.
Ryland took his hand off in order to pull his pants down to his ankles. He placed his hand back onto his crotch, cupping his bulge and grinding up into his palm with a slow roll of his hips. He didn’t even try to hold back his light moan. He pressed harder onto his crotch as he kept grinding in a wanting rhythm.
It was honestly impressive how quickly the front of his briefs became soaked with pre and Ryland tugged them down to meet his pants. He swiped his thumb over his slit to gather the spurting droplets and sucked in a sharp breath at the sensation. He wrapped his whole hand around his length and gently massaged his wet fingertip onto the hole and moaned.
His resolve was crumbling rapidly. Another gush of fluid from his tip leaked over his fingers, urging him on. He pumped his fist over himself and keened from the pleasure. He frantically sped up the pace, arching his back as gasps and whimpers poured from his lips. It had barely been minutes and yet he was already nearing the edge. He tried squeezing his base to stave off his incoming release, but the rough treatment only made him cry out in ecstacy.
He couldn’t remember the last time he was this desperate for it. He couldn’t remember the last time he just felt good. And this was so, so good. Every nerve in his body zinged and his scattered brain was focused entirely on the present sensations. It was bliss.
Ryland tightened his grip and jerked himself faster and faster, his moans escalating in volume and desire until it was all too much. The tension in his body burst out as cum painted his chest. Ryland collapsed down onto the bed, gasping and still tugging himself through the last ripples of his orgasm.
Holy moly, did he need that. It was like all the stress had shot out of him and now his body was just a melted fuzzy puddle of contentment. He panted as he basked in his long overdue afterglow, until the cooling wetness on himself had him grabbing for that towel. He couldn’t find it in himself to care about the less than thorough cleaning, not when his brain had finally shut up for the first time since waking up on the ship.
His eyes unwittingly drooped shut and just before he drifted off, Ryland remembered something else; this was what it felt like to relax.
— — —
This quickly became a new part of his routine. Ryland would wake up, eat breakfast, tend to his taumoeba farms, find something to do in his lab or on his Library of Alexandria laptop, then masturbate before going to sleep. It was easier to handle the physical toll of stress with his new outlet, he was getting better quality sleep, and his nightmares were getting more infrequent. It wasn’t enough to get them to stop, especially when so many were recalls of his own memory, but progress was progress. The days didn’t pass by much faster, but they at least weren’t as painful to live through until he finally, finally, intersected with the Blip-A.
It was pure relief finding Rocky, Ryland couldn’t imagine how his friend had been suffering all alone again. But he found him, now Rocky was safe and sound within his tunnels on the Hail Mary and they were going to save Erid together.
The first night back, Ryland’s new bedtime routine hadn’t even crossed his mind. He had curled up in his bed next to the xenonite walls pleasantly warmed by Rocky and his atmosphere. Listening to the musical notes of his best friend saying “you sleep, I observe” and the occasional tapping as Rocky took in the surroundings had him fully relax into the covers. It was the best sleep he had in months.
Just on the first night, though. As Ryland and Rocky seamlessly fell back into their old routines, Ryland’s body hadn’t forgotten the habit of his new one. As he was settling into his bed, wishing Rocky a good night and Rocky promising to watch, he felt a familiar twitch in his pants. For a second, he shifted his hand toward it, then his brain turned back on and he shoved that hand underneath his pillow instead. There was no way he was about to do that. Rocky was right there, practically on top of him, there was no way he was going to jerk off with Rocky in the room. Or… in any room for that matter. The alien could ‘see’ through walls. There was nowhere on this ship that was private for him to take care of business anymore. Shhhhhhhhoot. Dang it.
“Why Grace not sleep yet, question?”
“Oh! It’s uh… it’s nothing buddy. Just thinking.”
“Human brain stupid, make no sense to keep itself awake. Sleep help brain not be stupid.”
Ryland rolled over in response to Rocky’s teasing. The only time Rocky wasn’t watching was when he was asleep. Rocky had been awake when Ryland made it to the Blip-A, so it was anyone’s guess when his next sleep would be. It could be tomorrow, it could be a few weeks. He just had to hold out until then.
— — —
…He was not going to be able to hold out until then. Ryland hadn’t realized how thoroughly he pavloved himself into associating masturbating with sleep. He started staying awake longer to try avoiding the inevitable, but Rocky had gone right back to asserting his alien-enforced bedtime. Then whenever he lay down he had to keep his hands under his pillow so they couldn't stray to going under anything else. It was painfully ironic how constantly thinking about not jerking off meant that he was constantly thinking about jerking off. There was no escape, not even in sleep.
It was getting harder and harder to fall asleep. His mind would always be racing and the one surefire thing that got his brain to shut up was the whole reason his thoughts were racing in the first place. When he finally did get to sleep, he always awoke not feeling rested enough and over time, and he knew he was growing more irritable. And it only took him a week to start waking up with a new problem.
Ryland awoke to a persistent tapping and panicked chittering on the opposite side of the xenonite wall. It was too early for this.
“Hhnng… Rocky. What is it?”
“Why is Grace penis upright, question?”
Ryland’s eyes shot open. “Uhhhhhhh…” True to his friend’s words, he was indeed hard. Sheesh, he couldn’t even remember the last time he had woken up with morning wood, only in part from the amnesia, and just one week of not cranking his wrench had him popping a boner in front of his friend?
“Why Grace heartbeat speed up, question? Is Grace sick, question?!”
“No no! Not sick!” Ryland sat up and brought his knees closer to his chest. Rocky had already ‘seen’ everything so there was no point in hiding it, but it made him feel better. He dragged his palms down his face for a moment to collect himself.
He was a middle school science teacher who had to handle his fair share of health classes. He could explain what a boner was.
“This is something that… happens. Sometimes.” Wow, great start.
“It not happen before.”
“It’s more likely to happen to younger people, when their hormones are fluctuating– waking up with it, I mean. It’s called an erection or getting ‘hard,’ the uh… organ stiffens when a person gets aroused, usually by a stimulus. It’s the body’s way of preparing to reproduce, but sometimes it just happens.”
Rocky slowly swiveled his carapace as he took in the information. “Interesting. Eridian body cannot prepare mating without mate present. What happens to humans when no mate present, question?”
“It will go away if it’s left alone. The body realizes nothing's happening and the blood will reroute.”
“If erection can just happen, why did penis not get hard before now, question?”
That million-dollar question still wouldn’t have paid him enough to answer.
“I’m not sure, Rocky. We were so busy before I hadn’t even thought about stuff like this.”
Rocky hummed. “Make sense. Environment before was too stressful for reproduction. Not optimal for child rearing. Now Earth and Erid are saved so not as much stress. Body has relaxed and can prepare for mating even if no mate is present. Am I understanding, question?”
“Yeah, that sounds about right.”
“Rocky glad Grace relax. Grace deserve to feel good.”
Those final notes left a lingering flutter in his stomach.
— — —
It was always interesting when Ryland regained a memory. Sometimes it floated in unprompted and didn’t need much more than acknowledgement before slotting back into his brain. Things that felt less like he had truly forgotten them and more like he just hadn’t thought about them in a long time. Others were akin to PTSD flashbacks– some of them flat out were– a reliving of a past event that the present world completely fades away. At least not all of them were traumatic, just very immersive.
He found himself in one of the latter, and thankfully not an unpleasant one. It was– at the time, unknowingly– the last spring break he had while teaching. He was at home and was still savoring his tipsy headspace as he pushed a second lubed finger into his ass. It had been a rough semester with the school board making even more budget cuts, but the slow pistoning of his hand made all those troubles melt away. It was a break, and he was going to enjoy it.
He started spreading his fingers as they dragged against his inner walls, scissoring himself open. Excess lube dripped down his thighs and onto the quilt beneath him. Soft whines and grunts spilled from his lips as he searched for the best spot. He pushed himself from his hand and knees down, so that his chest was against the mattress and his ass was in the air as he pressed deeper into himself. Each thrust into himself encouraged a frictionless roll of his hips over thin air. Ryland was going crazy, he could only tease himself for so long.
Once he was sufficiently stretched out, Ryland grabbed the new toy he had bought and slicked it with lube. It was dark and… metallic? He could have sworn it was silicon, but it had a beautifully patterned, ribbed texture so he wasn’t complaining. He repositioned himself so that he was kneeling over the dildo and gradually sunk down. As he went, he took a deep breath as he reminded himself to relax.
“Rocky glad Grace relax.”
The echo of his friend’s voice surprised him. The momentary shock had him forgetting his controlled descent and Ryland gasped as he fell the rest of the way onto the dildo, roughly filling him up and pressing directly against his prostate.
“Grace deserve to feel good.”
His voice broke as he moaned. Why was he thinking about Rocky? He shifted on the dildo to relieve the overwhelming pressure, but only succeeded in massaging it onto the nerves. Tears sprang to his eyes as he whined.
“Grace deserve to feel good.”
This time, the statement only made his dick throb. It had been a while since he let himself feel this good. Ryland rose upwards, savoring the drag of the metal cock inside of him, before slamming himself back down. Whimpers and gasps were punched out of him as he rode the toy. He hadn’t even noticed when he squeezed his eyes shut until tears managed to spill out.
“Grace, you are leaking.”
God, he was. Tears were cascading down his face, sweat was soaking his skin, and his ignored dick was weeping precum. He was so wet.
“Grace!”
His voice sounded closer, clearer, and almost desperate. Ryland strained as he opened his eyes, but through his tear-clouded vision he saw… Rocky? Rocky, out of his clear xenonite ball and standing on his bed. Watching as Ryland kept fucking himself onto the xenonite dildo.
“R-Rocky…?”
“Grace, wake up!”
Ryland’s eyes shot open. He wasn’t in his old apartment anymore, he was lying face down in the same bed he’s slept in since waking up in a new star system, with Rocky right up against the xenonite wall, and his leaking dick pressed hard into the mattress.
“Grace have nightmare, question? Rocky heard Grace make pain noises and move lots. Grace leaking lots too before calling for me. Did Grace remember something bad, question?” Rocky’s voice was frantic as he rattled off questions. He seemed to notice Ryland’s disoriented state and paused to exhale slowly out of his vents, before continuing much calmer, “Grace is safe, statement. Rocky protect.”
Oh great. He had gotten so worked up in his sleep that his friend, who watched the entire thing and was still tapping incessantly on the wall, thought he was experiencing something traumatic. He knew he was a crier but this was just excessive.
Ryland scrambled to blurt out some reassurance to his friend, but as he shifted to get himself up, his hard dick moved against the bed. A full body shiver shot down and out from his spine as a needy whine escaped him. God, he must have been unconsciously humping the mattress. He was so close.
“Grace in pain, question?!”
“No, no! It’s uh… it’s…”
Rocky briefly paused his idle tapping before moving his claw to a new spot along the wall and tapped a few times clearly and precisely.
“Grace is hard.”
Ryland plopped his face back down onto his wet pillow. There was no way he was going to survive this conversation. His voice came out muffled but Rocky still heard,
“Uh… yeah buddy, I am.”
“Grace has not made those noises before. Is erection causing discomfort, question?”
He sucked in a shaky breath. “Well… it can.”
“Why Grace not mention before, question? Is there way to ease discomfort, question?”
“I’m not doing that, Rock.”
“So there is way. Why Grace not relieve discomfort, question?”
“It’s like eating for you. Human culture thing. Private. Just give it some time and it’ll go away on its own. And since I’m wide awake now, you can off and do whatever it is you get up to,” Ryland snapped.
“No.”
He picked his head up and looked over at Rocky. “No? What do you mean ‘no’?”
“No. Rocky trust Grace to watch eating. Why Grace not trust Rocky to watch now, question?”
Ryland had to hold back a whine at Rocky’s scolding tone. He had a point. Rocky had let himself be seen in some of his most vulnerable states. Ryland still had some secrets he wasn’t ready to share, but he’s had plenty of breakdowns in front of Rocky that his friend has never judged him for. They’ve both saved each other’s lives and entire home planets. He could share this with him.
“Hnng- ok. Ok, fine. You can… you can watch.”
“Amaze! How does Grace relieve erection with no mate, question?”
“Questions later.”
“Right, apologies.”
Ryland then moved again, going slower as to not accidentally spark more friction against his cock as he tried to psych himself up. He moved onto his hands and knees, yes he’s letting Rocky watch but that doesn’t mean he has to make it into a show, being exposed on his back feels like a little too much. He finagles his sweats and boxers down just enough for his dick and balls to be out, maneuvering his sac over the waistbands. His hand hesitates as it nears his neglected cock and he takes a deep breath.
He hissed through his teeth at the renewed contact. Despite the intermission, he was still insanely pent up. A light squeeze of himself promised this to be over soon. With that, he began a moderate pace of pumping that already had him keening. His dick was slick with the pre he had dripped into his boxers.
“Grace make pain noise again.”
“Ha- huh?” he panted, “No, Rocky I’m not-”
He accidentally cut himself off with a wanton groan after a particularly good twist as he stroked his head. A wave of pleasure seeped over his body and his torso melted to the mattress, much like in his dream.
“Ah! Good noises then! Rocky has not heard these good noises from Grace before, Grace should feel good more often.”
That comment made his hips involuntarily thrust forward, punching out a moan from deep in his chest.
“Grace sound pretty like this.”
Ryland arched his back and began fucking his fist in earnest. There was no way this was real. There was no way Rocky was dirty talking him right now. He desperately clutched at the sheets with his free hand and looked towards his friend. He was standing perfectly still besides two of his hands tapping the xenonite wall. Watching him, completely enraptured. Tears sprang in his eyes.
“R- Rocky…”
“Grace is brave. Good good good Grace.”
Ryland slammed his eyes shut and screamed as his orgasm tore through him. He rocked into his fist, spilling cum all over his hand and sheets, and tears poured down his face. The aftershocks seemed to course through his body for ages. He didn’t stop pumping himself until the overstimulation was getting too much to bear. Ryland crashed onto his side, mostly avoiding the puddle of cum, and pressed his back to the xenonite wall.
He was trembling and lightly crying, but all the same was basking in the best afterglow he could ever remember. He shakily tucked himself back into his pants before a warmth bloomed across part of the wall.
“Grace ok, question?”
Ryland shuffled himself over to his other side to face the wall. There, he could see Rocky pressed as closely against the barrier as he could be, still using a claw to tap and check on him.
A dopey grin spread across his face. Who knew aftercare was intuitive to aliens? “Yeah. I feel good. Thanks, Rocky.”
“Rocky glad Grace feel good, Rocky did not like seeing Grace in pain. Grace deserve to feel good.”
The praise had him melting. How did he manage to befriend the best alien in the universe? All of a sudden, a wave of exhaustion rolled over him. Ryland let out an obnoxiously long yawn and snuggled as close to the xenonite as he could.
"I shoul’ mention… lotta humans tend t’ get reall sleepy after orgasms…”
Rocky made that light chirping noise that was essentially Eridian laughter.
“You sleep, I watch.”