Work Text:
It's been three days.
Three days of observing that damned punk during training, and yet, she came to the same conclusion stars know how many times.
That skeleton was a raging homosexual.
Well, she'd love to sugarcoat it, but it's true! And the worst thing? Not only did he never tell her, his best friend ever, but each and every time she tried indirectly asking him about it, he'd purposely redirect the conversation. It was getting on her nerves.
On the first day, her gaydar went off when they were watching TV together.
It was a nice evening, really. If ignoring the smoke coming from the trash can inside her kitchen and the tomato mess on the walls and ceiling, she'd say it was almost boring.
The two of them plastered themselves on the couch in front of the TV as Undyne flipped through the channels, since a week earlier, Alphys had added the Undernet channels to her TV... so she wouldn't punch it again.
What?! Seeing Mettaton's face over and over again on TV would piss anyone off! The TV was just a wall blocking her from actually punching his stupid robot guts out.
Either way, they had a good hangout. Napstablook made his own YouTube channel, and the stuff he posted was actually kind of watchable. He mostly talked about ways to read chords and play scales on a digital piano, the one he plugged into his PC to make music, but she found it useful for her regular piano playing, too.
Not only Napstablook, but also Muffet. She made a baking channel, with descriptions vague enough not to actually learn anything from her, but interesting enough to keep watching despite it.
"I CAN NOT BELIEVE SHE MADE A BAKING CHANNEL. WHICH IS A CHANNEL SPECIFICALLY MADE FOR BAKING, AND YET SHE DID NOT MENTION ANY COHERENT INGREDIENTS IN THE ENTIRETY OF THE EPISODE!" complained Papyrus as he pointed at the figure on the TV.
"Well, she did say it's a baking channel, not a teaching how to bake channel," said Undyne, "But she should be using more force, I can tell from here she's half-assing that damn croissant," Undyne said as she crossed her arms.
Papyrus scoffed in agreement, then hummed. "IF IT WAS METTATON, HE WOULD EXPLAIN EVERY INGREDIENT IN THAT CROISSANT. HE WOULD LIKELY PROVIDE A GOOD SUBSTITUTE FOR ANY INGREDIENT, TOO!" he added.
Undyne squinted her eyes at him, "Maybe, yeah... But still, I could never learn how to cook with his stupid face on the damn TV. That's why I brought cookbooks from the library, really," she admitted with a shrug.
"REALLY? I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT HIS FACE ADDED TO THE LEARNING EXPERIENCE."
...what?
"Pff, what are you saying?" she nudged his arm, "It's literally the worst part."
"I DO NOT THINK SO. IN FACT, I USED TO WATCH METTATON'S SHOW FOR HIM, NOT FOR THE SHOW ITSELF. YOU CAN NOT DENY HIS CHARM! NYEH HEH," he nudged her back.
That was the first day. She left the interaction at that, but a thought in her head lingered. Did Papyrus not tell her about a crucial part of his being? Well, it's not as if she's ever believed in the concept of coming out. Because why the hell would a gal need a whole ass confession that they like or dislike tits?
And yet, that night as she lay in her bed, she actually wished Papyrus would at least drop a hint.
Check, if he won't give it to her, then she'd find it between his words herself!
They met again the next day in Snowdin.
After she had already checked on the canine unit of the Royal Guard there, she had some time to spare, and what better way to spend the time than to go get nice cream with her not certainly gay friend? Also, was it homophobic that she kept thinking of the word gay when referring to him? She was a lesbian, but damn it, that can't stop a fish from overthinking.
Peacefully, they sat on the snowy ground and devoured their sweet treats, all whilst Papyrus gushed about the latest crossword he submitted for the local newspaper. She also tried not to think of how he licked the nice cream without a tongue.
That's the time she really looked at him.
She had to admit to herself that she was by no means a fashionista. Her usual tank top and heavy boots were enough for her to go through the day without having to worry about what she wore. Which was the direct opposite of her Girlfriend's robot, Mettaton. That punk always spent the time of day to make his outfit top-notch. And, despite not being a fan of his person, she did have to admit that his style was good. And, he was gay.
She looked at Papyrus. At the flowy scarf around his cervical vertebrae, at the armor that was really close in shape to a tank top, at his bottom blue armor, and at his heavy red boots, likely inspired by her own pair.
Why was his armor so cropped? It reminded him of Mettaton's.
Mettaton was gay, and he wore similar clothing, which could only lead her to one conclusion.
On the third day, she assumed that maybe he just didn't know he was gay yet.
She didn't know she was a lesbian till she was an adult. Before that, she just assumed she was asexual and aromantic, but oh well. Alphys came into her life, and that changed everything. Mayhaps Papyrus didn't meet any guy up to his standards yet?
When they sat on a bench together, she asked.
"So, what's your perfect type of person?" she asked rather chalantly.
"WHAT? DO YOU MEAN A ROLE MODEL? I WOULD DEFINITELY SAY IT IS YOU!" he smiled with all his teeth. She couldn't help but smile, too.
"Aw, that's really nice of you to say, but it's not what I meant," said Undyne. "I mean like, if you had to date somebody, what would they have to be like?"
"WHY THE QUESTION, IF I MAY ASK?" he tilted his skull.
"Just curious, you know. I've known you for years, but I don't really know that much about you," she made up an excuse. "And, besides. You've met my girlfriend. It's only fair if you tell me something about you know, your perfect G- uh, person?"
She almost said Girlfriend. Well, force of habit from her own relationship.
"OH! IT IS NICE THAT YOU STILL WISH TO KNOW MORE ABOUT ME! FINE, I WILL TELL YOU," said Papyrus
Her eyes sparkled. Will he finally tell her? Will this settle the question she had within herself during restless nights?
"I LIKE PEOPLE THAT ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT SOMETHING, ANYTHING! I WOULD NOT LIKE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A PERSON WHO JUST SITS AROUND ALL DAY... AND, THEY WOULD HAVE TO COOK WELL! I COULD NOT SURVIVE ON ONLY GOING TO FAST-FOOD PLACES...." he hummed, "OH AND CERTAINLY, THEY WOULD HAVE TO HAVE A NORMAL SLEEP SCHEDULE. WAKING UP EARLY AND GOING ON A RUN WITH ME!"
"Isn't that just the opposite of your brother?" she asked, "and bits of you?"
"EXACTLY!!!!!! I AM PERFECT FOR MYSELF..."
If he's perfect for himself, then does that mean he'd date himself, which would mean he is gay?
She didn't ask him any more questions that day.
And on the fourth day, he played the thin lines of her patience like on an out-of-tune banjo. Stars, that skeleton was an oblivious bonehead! Literally!
They hung out at his place. Mugs of tea in hands and all. They were warm under the blankets Papyrus got for the two of them specifically for the movie night. Sans, being himself, had already fallen asleep, despite insisting on choosing the movie.
And yet, the movie wasn't what played in front of her eyes, no. Her mind kept on repeating gay gay gay gay gay, like a broken record. She glanced at Papyrus sitting next to her.
He was oh, so gay. How could she not see before? Was she making it weird by noticing just now? He sat on his knees under the blanket and held the tea mug with both of his hands. Was this alone making a person gay? No. But in Papyrus's case, every sign sparked a thought inside her head.
The pressure was too much. It suffocated her mind. And through the fog, she suddenly grabbed Papyrus's arm.
"Damn it, I guess I'm just gonna have to ask you straight up, since you're too damn oblivious for your own good!" she sighed, deeply shaken by curiosity. "Do you... eh, what does a rainbow mean to you?" She stopped herself a little bit.
Well, it was a perfect mix of directness and vagueness! Only an idiot would miss such an obvious question.
He raised his eyebrow, then really thought about it. "A RAINBOW???" he shook his head before remembering, "WELL, I GUESS A RAINBOW INFINITY SURROUNDED BY FLAMES WOULD BE THE BEST WAY TO DESCRIBE ME, IN TERMS OF RAINBOWS. ANOTHER WAY TO DESCRIBE ME AS IS MOST CERTAINLY GREAT, NYEH HEH HEH!"
What the hell!!!!
"What! Papyrus, what is that even supposed to mean?!" she pictured said rainbow. It was hella gay, and yet it wasn't a direct confirmation of his homosexuality.
"THAT I HAVE AUTISM. I THOUGHT IT WAS QUITE OBVIOUS, ACTUALLY," he mumbled, disappointed.
"NO! Ah, damn it, Papyrus, I want to know if you're GAY!" The words finally escaped the back of her tongue.
"GAY?" repeated Papyrus, not entirely sure if his lack of ears had betrayed his hearing.
"Yes, Papyrus. Gay," she confirmed.
"WELL, YOU COULD HAVE ASKED EARLIER! I AM VERY GAY, YES! I TRY TO BE POSITIVE EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK, NYEH HEH HEH!" he laughed, "IS THIS A TEST? TO SEE IF MY UNBREAKING SPIRIT FITS WITHIN THE ROLE OF A ROYAL GUARDSMAN? BECAUSE I THINK I PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS!"
"With... with flying colors. Sure," a smile tugged at her lips. Papyrus would be so mad if he figured out it's a pun. Haha. Ha, haaa..... There was no way he wasn't fucking with her.
"I have to go home now, but uh, see you later," she wasn't even sure in which moment exactly the words escaped her throat. She stood up from the couch and invited herself out the door. The movie ended just now, anyway.
"REALLY?" he shook his skull, "WELL, IT IS TOTALLY FAIR. AFTER ALL, IT IS GETTING LATE, AND I DO WANT SANS TO REST WELL, SINCE HE INSISTS ON WASTING A PERFECTLY GOOD NIGHT BY SLEEPING. WOULD YOU WANT ME TO RUN WITH YOU BACK HOME, AT LEAST?" he asked nicely.
"No, no, thanks, dude. But I got a lot on my mind." She lightly punched his arm. It was Undyne-level lightly, so it still hurt, just not as much as it would usually. As if in that moment, Undyne's muscles gave up and deflated.
"LIKE WHAT?" he asked cluelessly.
She actually thought about this for a moment, "Rainbows, and uh, stuff," she stated.
Papyrus's eyelights lit up "OOOH! DO YOU SUSPECT YOU MIGHT BE AUTISTIC, TOO?"
She blinked hard in disbelief, then snickered, "Totally..."
Well, she couldn't say that hanging out with Papyrus was boring, at least.
"IF THAT IS THE CASE, I WILL NOT STOP YOU NOW, SO HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!" he waved.
She did not answer with anything but a wave back. And when she was far enough away, he couldn't help but burst out laughing.
"why won't ya just tell her?" asked Sans as he leaned against the doorway with a wide smile.
"BECAUSE IT IS HILARIOUS," smiled Papyrus as he watched Undyne scrabbling on her way back home.
"eh. that's cruel," he snickered too as the two of them went back inside.
