Chapter Text
Spring had finally made its appearance in the Dales. The days were getting longer, the sun showed itself more often than during the dark, grey winter months. Across the fields and meadows, the first harbingers of spring poked out their colourful heads through dry leaves and fresh green grass. Daffodils, snowdrops, crocuses dotted the Dales. But despite the uplifting weather outside, the mood inside Skeldale the complete opposite and not at all a happy and one.
All day, Siegfried had been hiding in his office with the door firmly closed, the curtain drawn. He had ignored every call that had come in, handed over the small animal surgery to James and every single farm visit was put on an ever-growing list by the phone. Whatever plans he had made for the day, he had cancelled them. Audrey had even overheard him talking to Dorothy on the phone, opting out of whatever date she had organised for them. In general she had a feeling that the relationship between Siegfried and her oldest friend had not progressed much since Christmas. Whenever Dorothy had visited them, it had mainly been Audrey who had entertained her, talked to her, served her tea. With only brief appearances of Siegfried who always claimed to be busy. Since Christmas, he had cancelled several planned dates, often citing work or some other vague reason. And today he had decided to simply not exist at all.
While James and Tristan did not question Siegfried's bad mood, put it down as one of his normal grumpy days of which he had many, Audrey knew exactly what troubled him. A simple look at the calendar had given her the answer early in the morning while everybody was still at breakfast. Today marked the 13th anniversary of Evelyn's death. In the early spring of 1933 she had lost her fight against cancer. Some years that date did not affect Siegfried as much and he managed to get through it without anyone but her noticing. But it had never been an easy day for him, even after such a long time. However, this year he had completely withdrawn into himself, had shut himself in to make it clear to everyone that he was not to be disturbed. Not even Jimmy had stood a chance of cheering up his uncle. The boy had tried his best by bringing him some tea in the late afternoon which Audrey had even spiked with a drop of whisky. But the caring offer had been declined with kind, but decisive words. Making Audrey even more suspicious that something out of the ordinary was going on. Something that went deeper than the grief for his late wife.
After James had closed the surgery for the day, exhausted from all the additional work, and as soon as Tristan had returned from the last farm call, she had sent both men over to the Drovers almost immediately. It had earned her a suspicious look from the younger Farnon brother and shrugged shoulders from James. But they had both left the house without questioning Audrey’s decision. Especially Tristan looked as if he had eventually figured out what was wrong with his brother.
Finally the front door snapped shut and with it the house sank into a silence that felt louder than the hustle and bustle that had filled it all day. No animal noises, to ringing phones, no hectic footsteps running along the corridor and a man hiding deep in a painful memory. Audrey took a fortifying breath to brace herself for her upcoming mission. First she made her way into the kitchen to fetch the cold supper she had prepared. Just some slices of the leftover Sunday roast, some bread, a large pot of tea as well as various other bits neatly presented on a tray. She carried it quietly into the dining room, where, behind the red velvet curtain, everything was still silent. Only the sound of the two rats scuttling in their cages could be heard. For a moment she just listened, waited patiently for Siegfried to make a noise. But nothing happened. She suppressed a sigh, swallowed it down, kept quiet and left the room again to fetch the other item she would need to help him find a way out of the gloomy mood he had immersed himself in.
+++*+++
The first time Siegfried’s behaviour had changed so dramatically from one day to the next, Audrey had been confused, then worried. It had been so unlike him to stay completely quiet and be almost unresponsive for an entire day. While she had still experienced the last stages of his deep mourning for his wife first hand in the months after her arrival at Skeldale, the behaviour on the anniversary of Evelyn’s death had been something else entirely. Tristan had been away at school and therefore unable to help her, to explain what was happening with his brother. It had taken her almost the whole day to get to the bottom of it. In the end a photo album, lying open on his desk next to a half empty bottle of whisky had been the clue she had been searching for. Since that moment, she had never forgotten about the anniversary. It had become a fixture in her life, a day where she knew exactly what he needed.
And although the one thing she now carried under her arm did not have the power to bring Evelyn back, it could ease the pain, take away some of the grief at least for a few hours. Perhaps it could also help her to understand why Siegfried had hidden from the world again. Something he had not done to such an extent in a long time.
“I have prepared some cold dinner.” Without asking for permission, she pushed the curtain open and entered the room. Only the small lamp on his desk was switched on, casting long shadows and bathing the room in a gloomy light. Siegfried was sitting at his desk, pipe stuck between his teeth, and three framed pictures of Evelyn lined up in front of him.
“After all, you haven’t had anything to eat since breakfast.” Others might have been scared or discouraged by his silence and disregard, but not her. To Audrey, his behaviour was worrying. Carefully, she placed the tray down on the small, empty space left on the desk. Even then Siegfried did not acknowledge her presence. He only took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, pulled on his pipe and moved one of the frames an inch to the left to make some more room for the tray she had brought.
It could be seen as an invitation, a small sign for her that he did not mind her company. So Audrey reached for the spare chair that always stood next to the second desk, Jimmy’s chair, placed it next to Siegfried’s and took a seat. “It would ease my worries a bit if you would at least try and eat something.” She gently caressed his arm that was resting on the tabletop, a small, spontaneous gesture that carried more meaning than her actual words ever could.
“I am not particularly hungry today.” As if to make a point, he reached for the almost empty whisky glass and took a small sip. When he placed it back on the table, Audrey waited a few seconds before picking it up and setting it aside. Out of reach for the moment.
She swapped the alcohol for a cup of hot, steaming tea and placed that in front of Siegfried. “I wish you would tell me what is troubling you.”
“You know what day it is. So you know what is on my mind.” His tone was not harsh or reprimanding, but instead very quiet, despondent even. With his left index finger he touched the handle of the cup, pushed it gently forward on its saucer.
Tea usually was Audrey’s universal remedy but tonight it proved to be an unsuccessful method to help guide Siegfried out of his self-imposed isolation. Once more she put her hand on his arm, let her fingers glide all the way down until they touched the back of his hand. Very gently she covered it. “I am aware, but I don’t think that’s all.”
For the first time since she had entered his little refuge, he turned his head and looked at her. The sadness reflected in his eyes should not have surprised her, but it affected her more than she had expected. She swallowed hard, attempted to smile sympathetically. “Talking about it might help.”
“You know as well as I do, that we’re not good at that. The talking bit.” He heaved a deep sigh, absentmindedly touched one of the framed pictures. Evelyn high on a horse, smiling into the camera. A frame that usually resided on top of the apothecary cabinet in the exam room. All of her pictures constantly changed their position, had always done so since the day Audrey had arrived at Skeldale. But she had never seen Siegfried actively placing them in front of himself to stare at them for hours. Not even during the first few month after he had lost his wife. Back then, she had sometimes found the images most dear to him turned down, lying on the picture side, hiding Evelyn’s likeness. A desperate attempt to allay his grief.
“We could at least give it a try.” She squeezed his hand affectionately and decided it was time to fetch the item she had earlier taken from his room where he kept it on top of the chest of drawers, leaning against yet another framed photograph of his late wife and a few of her favourite books.
His gaze followed her when she got up from the chair, pushed the curtain aside, stepped into the dining room and took the old leatherbound photo album from the table. When their eyes met, Siegfried opened his mouth to say something and for a few seconds Audrey just held the book firmly in her hands, feeling how they slightly started to tremble with nervousness. Then he closed his eyes and nodded, giving her his consent to continue with her mission.
--- tbc ---