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The wooden door swung open with creaks that filled the entire room and Filch pulled a boy inside by the collar. Thrown to the middle of the room, the boy barely found his balance before his hazel eyes fixated on the old man with hatred. He was panting, his white shirt untucked and wrinkled and his tie hanging loose around his neck. He was as messy as ever, his glasses crooked on his nose, the boy sneered at the man, "You can't do this to me, you haven't even got proof!"
"Oh you'll see how I can do it, boy! You'll get your punishment. Yes, this time the professor will allow me and then you'll see!"
The boy turned around in bewilderment only to see the other boy already in the room, surrounded in black head to toe. James pointed at him, "So you're telling me Professor Dumbledore let you lock me up with him?" he said, almost spitting the last word. "With our wands too?"
"Oh how unlucky for you that the professor was called from the ministry this afternoon. If it was left to me I'd hang you to the ceiling from your ears but oh well," the old man revealed his filthy teeth with a big grin. "When it comes to you two I don't need to move a finger. Surely one of you will kill the other before sunrise." Filch giggled at the idea. "How nice would it be if I found one of your corpses here tomorrow, or even better, both of yours."
Coughing and laughing to himself, the old man left the room and put the old locks with charms beyond the students knowledge on the door. James, angrily pushing his crooked glasses back to their place, yelled at the boy behind him, "This is all your fault Snivellus!"
But the only reaction he got out of the boy was a sarcastic smile, "Mine? If it wasn't for you and your imbecile friend putting a toad in my cauldron, we wouldn't be here Potter."
James grinned at the memory of messing up Snape's perfect potion with Sirius but unfortunately a few drops of it got on Filch's precious ugly cat and vanished it. Even though Snape tried to tell the man the cat only got invisible and would appear soon, the old man was already after the revenge of his cat that he assumed was dead. Which got them locked in this dusty abandoned room. A hunch told him Filch might indeed pull two dead bodies next morning.
The boy didn't seem to be looking for a fight which got James even more restless. What could they do here all night if not fight? With an idea, a grin appeared on his face.
"Lily will be worried sick! I wish I could tell her I was safe so she doesn't worry for nothing." He watched the boys shoulders tense up even though his dead pan didn't falter. So he dug deeper. "You know how girlfriends get, all anxious for their men. Pray tell, Snape. Do you have anyone worrying for you?"
A cruciating point but Severus wasn't gonna let this swine get to him. "I'm not a baby, Potter. I don't need anyone worrying for me."
"Such a pity the whole night goes to waste. I was planning to put our relationship with Lily to a different motion. Like... More horizontal." James gestured as he watched Snape's expression finally change even if it's the smallest amount.
The boy took a deep breath before answering, "Do you expect me to congratulate you?" James expected a raise out of him but the boy just turned his back to him, inspecting the old cauldrons left in the corner of the room.
Nothing could be more annoying than Snape's silence. The boy would raise his wand to him but never his voice. James knew deep down if anyone had done him the things they did to Snape, he'd kill them by now.
But Snape wouldn't. He'd find a small yet strong spell to protect himself and keep them away. Never harm them the way they harm him. Although lately his little spells got bigger and bigger but so did their pranks so it was only fair. When he watched the boy intently gaze into old useless materials he realized in a way, he envied him.
The boy could devise new spells just to protect himself, formulate potions that were simple yet effective. And he especially envied him because even though he managed to separate him and Lily, the girl still thought of him. Still cared for him. This boiled his blood. The moment he was an adult wizard he was- oh.. that's right.
This was the night he was waiting for days. This was the night his age turned into the big seventeen. That's why he was going to celebrate it with Lily. He raised his arm to reveal his watch. In three minutes he was an adult. And an adult wizard would finally be free from all the restraints off from their magic. Their body would turn from a teen wizard into a capable sorcerer. A wave of excitement crashed him when his clock striked twelve. He wasn't sure if his blood fuzzing in his veins was his magic getting stronger or the possibility of beating Snape one on one.
"You know what I was gonna celebrate with Lily?" he said lowering his arm. Snape slowly turned back to him when James revealed, "As of right now, I'm an adult sorcerer."
Both of them tensed up with anticipation. Severus was weighing his abilities in a fight with an adult wizard. They never fought alone before. James wasn't sure of himself as he always had Sirius and Remus with him. And yet this boy matched them. With his new abilities, would James be able to outpower him?
When their eyes revealed the same thought behind them, both reached for their wands. "Expelliarmus!" shouted James, as always trying to disarm. "Protego!" Severus exclaimed at the same time knowing his signature move. And his shield easily prevented Potter's attempt, Severus took a deep breath. His shield was still stronger than a so called adult Potter. His lips twitched upwards.
James realized that he lost their first alone encounter. His anger surged into him. He threw all the strong spells he could think of in a span of seconds but Snape not only stopped them all, but at the last second managed to lock him to the ground with an Incarcerous spell that emerged with magical ropes.
As James struggled to free himself from the ropes Snape slowly approached him, finally letting his smile widen. "Consider this a birthday present, Potter." he spit. But he realized he spoke too soon when James's wand hand got free from the ropes. "Petrificus Totalus!"
Severus froze where he stood, barely balancing with his last step. He tried to will the counter spell but was too stunned both literally and figuratively. He didn't expect Potter getting out of his expertly crafted ropes. Was it because he was an adult wizard now? As his sweat rolled down from his temples Potter got up, pushing his glasses back to his face. "Tch, tch, tch, Severus. That's what you consider as a gift? You must never get any."
With a heinous idea striking him, James grinned. Snape could anticipate every spell thrown at him. But he could never anticipate the kind of humiliation James could come up with. He had to do this before Snape could will out of his petrification charm.
When he got close enough for his breath to hit Severus's lips, the boy in blacks froze solid, not because of the charm this time, but because of what's happening. James could barely stop from smiling at his marvellous plan, Snape could never live this down. As he got closer and closer young Slytherin's obsidian eyes got darker. As black as the night surrounding them when their lips met at the darkest hour.
Suddenly his mouth was filled with Severus's taste and he tasted like... Jasmines? He smelled like Jasmines. Maybe he was using it in his potion when James made it explode. He wasn't sure why he was smelling and tasting this on him but he wasn't gonna stop till he figured out how he, a boy who he deemed filthy and undesirable smelt this way. Severus's frozen body and unresponsive lips made him angry. He pushed his tongue to open the Jasmine filled lips and his hands reached for the silky black hair to tilt his head.
When the lips finally opened to take him in, it was like his worst nightmare and the wildest dream coming together and he was so lost in the taste that he didn't realize Severus has finally willed himself free of the spell.
The boy pushed him to the ground with his newfound autonomy but James's hands around his body pulled him with their owner. Young Gryffindor’s head hit the ground and he looked at the face on top of his with a dazed look, surrounded with long black hair and inches apart from him. He was so screwed. Snape was gonna make him pay for this and Filch might get his wish.
But the boy surprised him when his lips opened to whisper, "Is it really a gift, if not given willingly?"
And Severus attacked him not with magic but yet something far magical, his lips. It was his turn to explore and invade and James was lost in this ambush of taste, smell and pleasure. He moaned into the mouth that conquered his own. When the foreign tongue overpowered his, he short circuited and couldn't stop his hips move towards the one on top, with a need to feel him. His groins aching for a contact, he arched for more, more from him.
But the boy moved away instead of getting closer. Their lips parted with a slick sound when they both gasped for air. James watched Severus taking deep breaths when his body was begging for his warmth back.
But instead of leaning back in, the boy wiped his lips with his sleeve. A disgusted, condescending look on his face. "Happy birthday, Potter."
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When James walked into the class next morning, looking like an inferi woken from his slumber, his best friend eyed him with suspicion. The boy with glasses yawned as his hands got into the messy hair only to mess it even more. He didn't get an ounce of sleep last night. After what happened with Snape, they spent the whole night in two opposite sides of that dirty room, waiting for an attack from one another. He thought of all the ways he tormented Snape before, this time the boy tormenting him with silence. James hated thinking about his actions in the past, something he's never done before.
Sirius stared at his best friend in confusion. "I didn't expect to see you like this after a night with Snivellus." James's faint blush got him even more curious. "Why don't you have any scars at all? And more importantly, why does he not have any injuries?" he squinted his eyes at the boy across the class. James couldn't help but look his way either. He noticed they weren't the only one. Lily was looking at him too, worried. And James didn't even feel like he had the right to be angry at her.
So instead he turned the anger to Sirius. "Would you rather have me injured so that you can see him beaten up too? What happened is he stopped me, Sirius. Even though I turned seventeen, he won. Are you happy now?"
Sirius seemed perplexed. "He won? After midnight? I thought turning seventeen would lift off your limitations."
"Well it seems he doesn't have them to begin with. He's strong, Sirius. It's time we accept that." James admitted. Even he was surprised at his reaction. He was so messed up.
Sirius wasn't taking him seriously though. "I wonder if he can beat me too after I turn seventeen."
"We're not meddling with him anymore, Padfoot. We have to grow and leave this behind." In reality, James didn’t want to meddle with Snape for way different reasons but Sirius couldn’t know. The boy looked at him like he didn't know him. "What the heck happened last night? He's our enemy!"
"Why?" James snapped at him.
"Because... He's... He-"
"Because he chose the wrong compartment when we met him? Because a girl defended him? Because he's poor? Or because he's better at potions, better at spells than us? Or because he stands up to us? Why? I don't have an answer where we aren't the arseholes." Sirius was staring at him, shocked to say the least. He opened his mouth to answer but no sound came out. He didn't have an answer.
A hand reached out between them and gave James's shoulder a firm squeeze. It was Remus, "I knew you'd come to realize this James. Better late than never." he gave a warm smile that made James feel better.
Sirius and Peter were still giving him confused looks. He wanted to explain, he wanted to make them see but how could he tell them what happened last night? Or what he thought all night after it. How this one night helped him grow more than years with Sirius.
He tried to explain without the details, "When he stopped me last night I... realized something. I had the whole night to think. Every time we attack him he gets closer to the other side. Everytime he comes up with a spell to stop us, he's gaining the attention of the bad side. We're gonna lose him to them and it's on us. And I... I don't wanna live knowing that. It's too big for me to handle." He turned to Sirius, who was still having a hard time understanding him, "We're gonna graduate soon and he's already surrounded with the future Death Eaters. They're waiting for one push from us to their side. And what we do, when we should get him into our side? We give him away in a gold platter. Can you seriously live with that Padfoot? Knowing we pushed him over the edge?"
Sirius seemed uncomfortable with the idea but also too proud to accept his share in it. "Okay I won't push him. But don't accept me to give him kisses either." James tried to seem as normal as possible, "You don't have to kiss him, Padfoot." he tried to smile like a normal person while thinking he did plenty of kissing Snape last night anyways. Remus was smiling, watching how much his friends grew while Peter looked as confused as ever.
Severus left the class the moment Slughorn was done. He couldn't bear any more of the looks from Lily and... the ones those boys gave him. Especially one set of hazel ones eyeing him the whole time. He was sure they were talking about him and he wasn't gonna wait for whatever they decided to do to him. Potter couldn't have told them what happened last night but if the boy feels an ounce of the anger he feels, he was gonna device a plan to torture him. And Severus wasn't sure how he was gonna fight them off this time, while looking into the eyes that melted into his own last night. It was all too intense.
He skipped the lunch just to be cautious and hid in his sanctuary, the library. This was the only place neither Potter and his crew liked hanging out nor Lucius and his. Lately the boy was pestering him about their get togethers, their alliance of like minded people. Sugar-coating it like Severus is an idiot to not see what they actually mean. After he made sure lunch time was close to being over, he went to the Great Hall and picked something to eat at his little spot away from any stubborn eyes.
Yet his fate denied him these little moments of solitude, as usual he became very aware of his lack of luck when he ran into Potter and his little gang. He waited for some comments about his looks and then drawing their wands but instead, Black walked past him, bumping his shoulder but still, walked away. Pettigrew followed his friends lead. Lupin gave him a smile as he walked by. And lastly, their so called leader, not even bothering to look at him, followed them. What was going on?
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He was having difficulty making out the body moving in the darkness but didn't light his wand in fear of being noticed. He didn't understand what would Snape do in this empty, dark and damp corner of the castle. His heart raced when the boy went into the room they were trapped in not long ago.
The possibility of Snape being recruited by the dark side was eating away at him so he made it his mission to find out if he was a lost cause or not. He started following his every movement with the Marauders Map and when he noticed the boy moving in the night alone in this abandoned corner, he thought he might get an answer at last. He heard Snape lighting a candle with a whispered spell and saw the light leak out of the room. That specific room. A shiver went down his spine. Could he dare take a look inside?
He tried his best to hide and not make a sound. Unfortunately, he didn't have his cloak with him since Dumbledore asked for it to inspect it after their mischiefs reaching the principal. He tried his best to hide in an angle where he wasn't visible but could look into the room. He noticed an old cloth spread on the ground and Snape sitting on it with a bunch of books, reading.
Reading?
So Snape was reading and studying all day long and when it was night he needed a secret place to continue reading some more?
"How long are you gonna stalk me for, Potter?" asked the boy, without taking his eyes off of the book.
Now ashamed, James emerged from the shadows and took an insecure step into the room. "How- when did you notice?"
"From the very beginning. You're not as sleek as you believe yourself to be." He finally raised the black pitts that were his eyes off the book. "I might not have noticed if I wasn't constantly thinking of what you plan to do to me next. So how are you gonna torment me this time?"
James mumbled as he eyed his shoes rather than look at he black holes that were burning into his face. "Nothing. Just wanted to know what you're up to..."
"Do I look like I'm preparing a potion that's gonna blow the castle up? Or whatever I do in your evil fantasies of me?"
James let out a small chuckle at his response. Was Snape always this funny or was James losing his sanity? He finally raised his hazel eyes to look at the black holes that were sucking him in. "So.. why do you come down here?"
Snape put the book down and got off the floor to be at his eye level. "Can I learn the reason for your sudden interest in what I do? If I have known it'd make you act like a decent human being instead of a bully, I would've kissed you a long time ago." the eye contact made them both uneasy but neither wanted to back off. That was the opposite of what they wanted to do.
James felt his face burn at this bold response. How was he so confident about what happened? "Don't forget, Snape, I kissed you first." he said trying to outpower him but his voice didn't sound powerful at all. He felt weak in the knees but couldn't let the boy notice so he took a step forward to hide his shiver, his eyes couldn't help taking a peek at his lips. "So why don't you tell me why you come down here?"
Snape shaked his head to push his hair back, his pale face not hiding behind that curtain of hair glistened in the candlelight. He kneeled down to collect his books as he answered, "Because this is the only place I can be alone. Where you or your friend can't harm me or Malfoy's boring chatter nagging at me or where I don't have to see Lily looking at me with pity. Like I'm a lost cause."
That was exactly what James was afraid of. He could feel the pressure Snape was under and his own empathy surprised him. He felt for him, for the first time in years he didn't see him as a threat or a joke but as a troubled teen like himself. He took another step towards him not knowing what to say to make him feel better. And when Snape got up with his books in his arms and turned back, suddenly they were face to face. Too close. He could smell the Jasmine off of him again and it made his mind go blank. All he wanted to know was the source of it. How did he smell so good when he looked like he didn't shower for days?
Severus tried to take a step back but Potter suddenly hold his arm to stop him. Why did it burn where he touched? "What do you want from me, Potter? What do I have to do for some peace? I'm tired of your years long hatred towards me when it's as empty as that head of yours."
James couldn't even object. He deserved this. His actions so far showed how empty and shallow he was. He wanted to change that but didn't even know where to start. "I don't know either," he whispered. "But there's something between us.. that has.. shifted."
"Hatred?" Severus asked behind a mask of indifference.
"I don't know if I hate you anymore."
"Your stupid long anger?"
"I was filled with it but I don't even remember the cause of it now."
"The jealousy." teased the boy, behind his cold black eyes.
"In your dreams." James remarked with a grin.
Severus couldn't help his lips turning upwards too and James couldn't believe the boy was almost smiling at him. He didn’t believe he witnessed this miracle on the ever so cold face of his old enemy. That one second of lines forming around his black eyes and a soft breath escaping his lips when they twitched, suddenly James’s ability to think was out of the window. Without full acknowledgement of his actions, James leaned into the upturned lips. He felt the arm under his fingers tense up and the lips weren't shaped like a smile anymore. But they didn't object either.
James dragged his fingers from his arm to his tense shoulder, from there they got lost between the silk smooth hair that was as black as a thundercloud, electrifying the tips of his fingers. He closed the final inch between their lips and the Jasmine filled his senses again. Snape didn't kiss him back but didn't stop him either. So that meant James got into his head enough to let him unravel.
Even though the boy was pulling his hair Severus couldn't complain, because to complain he'd have to open his mouth and if he opened his mouth he didn't know if he could bear the feeling of the boys tongue that was now feeling his lips, looking for a way to get in. He wanted to reach for his wand, forgetting the books in his arms and when they fell with a thunk, it didn't startle Potter. On the contrary, his other arm wrapped around his slim waist and pushed their bodies together. Severus felt his muscular built contrast his own thin, weak body. His mind has always been his strongest quality but it wasn't working very well at the moment due to feeling Potter's hardness pressing on him. Did he actually want Severus? It wasn't a game this time but actual desire for him? No plans behind it, no secret mission but him?
He wanted to gasp at the thought which gave Potter the gateway into his mouth. He shoved his tongue inside with a loud moan, Severus couldn't believe the boy was making such a sound for him, so shamelessly, it made him wanna do shameless things back just to feel him grow even more than he is now. James Potter wanted him, needed him, not to fulfill his ego but as a subject of his desires. The thought sent a jolt of excitement into his own groins. He tried to match the pace of the tongue in his mouth but failed. He could feel the boys lips moving with experience, an experience Severus didn't have.
His whole life people only showed interest in him because he had something they needed. Lily became his friend because of his knowledge of the wizarding world, Malfoy wanted him on his side because of his skills in dark arts. For the first time someone was showing interest in him for him and him only and worry filled his mind. He felt the arm around his waist move towards the front of his pants and with panic urging into his veins he parted their lips and pushed the boy away.
He couldn't even bear to look at him so he quickly collected his books off the floor. When he bumped the boy blocking his way, James said something that stopped him for a moment.
"The first was because I wanted revenge and the second was because I was curious. But the third time will be real Severus."
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Some weeks passed as they played a game of avoidance around the castle. They thought of what happened constantly but never met their eyes again and played the game too well. But it came to an end when Lucius Malfoy and Sirius Black got into a fight in the corridors, Severus wasn't happy to admit his first instinct was to look for Potter. Unfortunately he couldn't see the boy and he wasn't interested in a piss contest between two purebloods over their stupid family values. Even though Lucius asked him to cover for him Severus was more into settling this here without trouble.
But when Black dragged Severus into the fight, his pride got heavier. "Apparently your little lap cat with his dark spells won't help you this time, Lucius!" He saw Remus Lupin whisper something into his friends ear but that didn't stop him from drawing his wand so Severus pulled his own too.
"Oh yeah, since Lucius can't mess his hair you'll just fight his fights for him won't you Snivellus? Always the small pet that thinks he's a match for an adult wizard like myself." barked Black.
"Oh I don't need him to fight my fights Black, I think you need an adult wizard your own size in this fight." Lucius chimed in waving his wand. Almost simultaneously Sirius Black matched his, "Expelliarmus!" with a "Petrificus Totalus!" but they didn't realize the movement towards them. Not like Severus did.
Because James Potter, hearing about the fight ran into the crammed corridor and found himself right between the two spells colliding.
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Severus closed the book he was reading after Slytherin common room was finally empty. There couldn't be a better time to leave, he tucked the book under his arm and glided through the corridors as dark as himself. The night was silent except for the wind surrounding the castle that made it sound like it was breathing with the hundreds of people it sheltered.
He carefully looked around when he reached the hospital wing. From his countless experiences, he knew the wing had to be empty at this hour. No visitors were allowed at night so Potter had to be alone. Unless his friend that was allergic to rules found a way to get in. When he opened the door and peeked inside he found it empty except for the one bed occupied by the Gryffindor boy. Just as he expected.
When he entered he thought of the countless nights he had to spent here thanks to the boy in the bed. When they were still friends Lily wanted to stay with him but rules were the rules and he spent his nights alone, as he always is no matter where.
He stood by the bed for a while, watching the handsome boy- although he didn't want to admit he was indeed good looking- and he was covered with sweat, taking in short, hoarse breaths. He pulled a chair closer to the bed.
Potter turned in his sleep because of the sound and his messy hair fell on his sweaty forehead. Severus couldn't help but kindly fix his hair so he'd be more comfortable. He wasn't usually kind like this, or maybe he didn't have anyone to be this kind with. He mumbled to himself "Why did you have to touch me and force me to think of you? Why did a kiss shift everything in our lives? Now I'm lost because of you."
"I don't know either." Potter muttered, his eyes fluttered open and met the black ones watching him. With fear Severus pulled his hand from the boys hair but Potter held his wrist in place. "Things have changed, Snape. I've changed. Maybe it's called growing up, I don't know. All I know is whatever made me kiss you is the same as whatever made you kiss me."
Severus didn't know what made him kiss Potter. He wanted to tear off the fingers that scorched his skin, but all he could was look into the hazel eyes that glimmered in the faint moonlight that seeped through the windows. Fortunately Potter let his hand go but his face contorted with pain.
"Didn't Pomfrey give you something for the pain?" Severus asked. Potter pointed at the bottle on the nightstand. Severus helped him take a dose of the green liquid. His hand helped him sit better, while burning from the contact. Potter's breath falling on his other hand churned his insides. "That damned friend of yours, supposed to be an adult wizard and still picks fights in narrow corridors. He could've hurt more than one people."
James cackled even though it pained him to do so. "You're not worried for me but hypothetical other casualties? I guess some people never change."
Severus couldn't help his lips twitch with a phantom smile. "The only constant is change itself. Look at us, who would've imagined us just sitting together having a conversation?"
"Probably because we want to jump at each other's bodies, and not throats for a change." James bit his lips, he didn't mean to be so direct. The air tensed between them, they had to talk things out at some point.
"This can't go on like this, Potter."
"Why not? Would your friend Malfoy not let you? He seems pretty involved with you."
"Nobody gets to tell what I do, you don't own me, none of you can. I'm so sick and tired of people trying to direct me." Severus huffed.
"But.. I heard otherwise. I heard that you're already on the dark side. That you were presented to You Know Who." he said, worrying it might be the truth.
Severus didn't meet his worried eyes. "Why do you care? Why does anyone care what side I'm on? You weren't too interested in whose side I take when you were tormenting me, pushing me to the edge. You don't care for anyone unless they're in your way and you certainly wanted me out of your way."
"That's not true..." James whispered, "You think I don't care when I'm in this bed because I thought you were gonna get hurt?"
Severus got up in a fury, "Stop it for Merlin's sake! Stop acting like there's hope for me when he already has my name. What you feel is guilt because if I choose their side you'll forever feel remorse. That's all I am to you, a guilt hanging off your neck and you wanna be able to look at yourself in the mirror, telling yourself you tried to talk me over."
It hurt James how right Snape was, it hurt more than his wounds. He already felt guilty for pushing him too far. Guilty pushing him away from himself when now, he wanted to be close to him so bad. "Severus..." he whispered but he didn't know what to tell him, how to deny.
Hearing his name so tenderly from him, his years long enemy, the enemy he now ached to be close to felt so wrong. "Get your friends in line and I get mine in line. So no one gets hurt again, Potter. And stay away from me, this is my final warning." he left the hospital wing, not noticing he left his book behind.
It hurt James to watch him leave, it hurt to have no reason to keep him by his side. He reached for the book the boy left behind. A bookmark hung out, on a chapter about the side effects of Expelliarmus spell on people.
So Severus was worried for him, actually cared for him. No matter how much space he put between them, there was something lingering in that space, pulling them close. And James wasn't gonna rest until he found out what is that. After all, he had a reputation for being stubborn.
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Hogwarts was as calm as it can get when its lead troublemaker was in the hospital wing for a week. But the calmness didn't soothe the inhabitants of the castle, if anything it made them tense in anticipation of something big would happen once James Potter got out. But nothing happened when the week was over either.
James made Sirius promise that he wouldn't pick a fight with Severus or any of his friends. Severus convinced Malfoy and the others if they caused a scene, their situation could get in danger with the attention of the Hogwarts Headmaster. But neither of the boys realized how suspicious this peaceful environment made everyone. Whereas they carried a bigger secret to resolve.
Severus was sitting in his hidden little corner of the garden near the lake. His finger skimmed the book but his eyes were lingering on the calm waters. The texture of the paper always soothed him, he always had a book with him even if he wasn't gonna read it.
"Thought you might need this." Familiar yet unexpected voice made him jump. James Potter holding his book right next to his face, looking down on him with a warm expression. "You forgot it when you visited me." he mentioned it like a good memory. “You were worried for me weren’t you? Looking for the side effects and all.”
Severus yanked his book off the boys hand and took his belongings to leave. Just as he was passing James Potter, the boy mumbled "I warned you."
Severus looked at him with confusion as James got in his personal space, still with a low voice, "The first was because I wanted revenge and the second was because I was curious. But the third time will be real." he took Severus's bag only to drop it on the ground when his other arm wrapped around the stunned boy.
Black eyes widened when James tilted his head to cover his lips with his own. He knew he had to pull away, leave, but he wanted this too much. With a loud rumble everything turned grey and the skies poured on them. James was kissing him with an undescribable hunger that they couldn't care less for the rain. He threw his glasses that were getting in the way and held Severus's chin, caressing it, asking him to let him in. Severus complied this once, letting the invasion of the hungry tongue roaming inside his mouth, tangling with his own needy one.
James held the boy by the shoulders and imprisoned his slim body between himself and the nearest tree. Severus, exhausted from days of restraint, couldn't stop himself respond with enthusiasm. He held on James's waist trying to ground himself or he worried he might faint from the ecstacy. Potter was right, there was something between them that wasn't gonna rest until they addressed it. And they were addressing it, unafraid and free.
He felt James's hands move from his shoulders to his neck, gripping his face for a deeper kiss and then travel down; feeling his chest, groping his waist to slam their bodies together, feel every inch of each other and finally his fingers reached the front of his pants. Severus’s manhood answered the curious fingers right away, growing into the grasp. James parted their lips and as they both panted for air, he held Severus's hand to lower it onto his own hardness.
Severus gave the boys member a slow stroke over the fabric as James reached into his pants. Severus had to bite his lips to not make a lewd sound when he took him out and tease the tip. James kissed his lips where he bit and drunk from his kisses, Severus returned the favor and reached into his pants to take out his aching length. James wasn't as strong as Severus when he loudly moaned into his mouth. He closed the remaining gap between them and took both their members into his palm, "Feel me." whispered into Severus's ear.
Severus could no longer hold his moaning, he leaned his head against the tree behind him. James dived into his white, exposed neck shimmering with raindrops as he pushed his knee between Severus's legs, forcing them to open and give him a new angle to stroke their joined lengths.
Severus felt like he could faint, he didn't know where his skin stopped and James's start. They were basically melted into each other, their hard members becoming one in James's palm as he stroked them eagerly in a maddening rhythm. His mouth open now with very loud moans, he felt James's other hand on his back. Then his waist and finally inside his pants kneading his flesh, the stroking palm getting faster and faster. While the other hand on his back pressing, teasing around the rim of his gaping entrance and when he nearly pushed a finger in he pushed Severus over the edge and he came with a groan, both of their clothes now wet with not only rain but also his cum.
James now stroked them faster to meet him at the finish line and he finally lost it when Severus's hand met his, imitating him, teasing the tip of his length and stroke them both. He came with long streaks that joined Severus's mess on their shirts. James devoured the lips of the boy that just came under his hands and Severus gave him a hum.
He couldn't believe he just reached that state in the hands of James Potter. Couldn't believe he just made love to his enemy under the rain without a care in the world. The boy he hated half his life was in front of him, his hands still traveling around his torso. He couldn't even hold his head up, he rested his forehead against his shoulder.
They stood there under each others arms for minutes, catching their breath and accepting the reality of the situation. At last they pulled their pants when their nudeness got embarrassingly obvious as the rain ended. Severus reached to his wand, summoning the boys glasses he lost between the tall grass while James picked his bag up to place it on his shoulder.
He carefully put the boys glasses on his nose and dared to give him a kiss and James kissed him back. His heart started racing again now filled with this familiar feeling he only before felt for Lily. And James kissed him so tenderly that for a moment he wondered if he felt it too. When their lips parted once again he accepted how impossible was that. James whispered a spell to clean them up and dry as he stood there, accepting the harsh truth.
James Potter could desire him but never love him, not the way he loved Lily. He fixed his now dry hair and met the hazel eyes that were looking at him so intensely. The desire was still there, burning behind his glasses. But that's it, desire. Neither of them knew what to say.
So Severus filled the silence, "I have to help Madam Pomfrey with restocking some potions at the Hospital Wing." which was a lie.
"Oh, yeah okay. I have uh- Quidditch practice." James also lied. For a moment he reached for Severus's hand but realized how silly that is and instead waved like an idiot. "See you then." He cursed himself under his breath as he turned to walk towards the Quidditch field for his fake practice.
With shaky legs, Severus went to the opposite direction, feeling abandoned once again.
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"When there's 3 weeks left to graduation? That's impossible!"
"They say Professor Dumbledore has an intel that confirmed it. Death Eaters might attack Hogsmeade. Then Hogwarts is next."
If James didn't know Remus, he could've thought this was only a gossip to scare the students. But Remus telling this after coming from Dumbledore's office meant it was at least a possibility. "Professor Dumbledore asked me what I want to do when I graduate. He warned me. Told me You Know Who is looking to recruit the... creatures... like me.."
Sirius hit Remus on the shoulder. "The heck you mean by 'creature', don't talk of yourself like that! You're more human than the rest of us and no one human enough would work for that lunatic."
"Other people don't have a monster in them waiting to come out, Padfoot." snapped Remus.
His friend shaked him by his collars, "You don't control it Moony, not like those who use it to attack peoole. You don't belong with them, you belong with " he ranted, "m- us. And if you don't see that I have ways to show you."
James confirmed him, shaking his head but curious of what Sirius almost blurted. Or was it his imagination? Was it his imagination too when Remus gazed into his friends grey eyes as he smiled and reached for his loose hair to tuck it behind his ear? "I know Padfoot, that's why Dumbledore wanted to speak with me. He assured me he always had my back on the right side if I wanted in this.. Order. Order of the Phoenix."
"What's that?" Peter asked.
"An Order to fight against You Know Who if things came to that and Hogwarts is under attack. The adult students could help protecting the small ones. I told Dumbledore I'd ask you guys's opinion too but I think I already know the answer."
"Of course we'll help!" James affirmed what they all thought. "The teachers might not be enough to defend everyone. Especially when their guys are in the castle too, ready to put everyone in danger." He thought of Malfoy and his friends and especially who they were trying to drag along with them... The boy he became one with not long ago by the lake. His chest ached.
"We could try and get information about the Slytherins," Sirius responded. "Know how many of them we should be aware of when things get messy."
And James knew exactly who to ask. But to do that he'd have to find the boy he was avoiding after what happened.
That night he passed through the corridors he was too acquainted with now. The Marauders Map showed Severus in the room he was very familiar with. He was there, sitting on a large piece of cloth with his books again. Under the candlelight he was skimming the pages, his burrows frowning as usual. James took a deep breath. He didn't wanna avoid him for the last few days but didn't know how to approach him after what happened either. What could he say to him after he touched another man like that for the first time and enjoyed it more than any other experience? When he thought of the incident his fingertips tingled. He recalled the hot wet flesh in his palm, the moans in his ears, the sensation of his skin rutting against another... His body shuddered. How could he talk to him when even thinking of him had this effect on his body?
But he had a mission and it wasn't time to think about these matters. There was danger waiting to harm their loved ones and he needed any information that could help. He stepped into the candlelight.
Severus flinched and reached to his wand before he realized it was.. him. He tried to mask the emotions filling his vains like blood. "You hid well this time, I guess you do use that giant head of yours once in a while." He couldn't bare looking at him so he turned back to his book, flipping a page like he didn't even care for the boys presence near him.
James, already estimated this reaction, knew Severus would hide behind a stronger shield this time. He leaned against the wall, intently scanned the boy like he was never gonna see him again. Severus couldn't bear his gaze traveling through his body, "What do you want from me this time, Potter?" he snapped, looking at the boy with black pitts filled with anger.
James smiled with the satisfaction of getting into his head. His smile softened into a yearning look in his eyes. "Don't you think we need to talk?"
"If we needed, it would've happened by now." Severus looked at everywhere but his desiring gaze.
"I wasn't ready. Do you think you were? What we did... We never experienced it with anyone else..."
Him talking on his behalf made Severus even angrier. "At least I didn't run away." he sneered, his eyes now piercing through the boys face. "But you, as expected you tucked your tail between your legs and ran away. You didn't face what happened. You don't face it."
"I wanna face it now."
"Too late, Potter." Severus said. "Too late."
"What do you mean too late? You.. Merlin, you did not join-" he was beside Severus in a single breath and grabbed him by the collar, pulling him towards himself, "I didn't talk my feelings with you so you joined them?! What were you thinking?"
Severus grasped his hands and spoke through his clenched teeth, "You don't even care, Potter. You do whatever you please and it doesn't matter who you hurt, walk all over in the process. It's gonna get you killed one day." Their angry breaths mingled as they looked at each other.
But James couldn't stay angry as grief overwhelmed it. "Please tell me you didn't." his voice cracked as he pressed his forehead against his. "Please..." he whispered as his hands cupped the boys face that was now in a hundred pieces.
"Not yet..." Severus let out a sigh of surrender.
James closed his eyes with relief. "I didn't mean to avoid you." he admitted when he looked back into the infinite dark eyes. "But I couldn't accept myself easily like that Severus, this is too big. I realized I became who I am when I was around you, I grew, matured. And when I was finally one with you, I was complete. You didn't just show me your truth but also my own. How big my mistakes were, how I was so unaware of what were the actual consequences of my actions. You showed me how unprepared I am if there's a war in front of us and how much I have to lose. When you improved and grew just to protect yourself against us, you made us better wizards too while trying to catch up to you. And now we might've pushed you into their arms. This was all too much to take."
Without blinking Severus's big dark eyes searched if there was any lies behind James's amber ones but all he could find behind the them were sincerity. James got a little bit closer and wrapped his fingers around the black hair he mocked for years. They weren't oily like he used to assume, they were shiny because how silky they were. His Jasmine smell surrounded his senses again and he realized why he smelt like that. Madam Pomfrey always gave the sick students Jasmine tea and Severus spent a lot of time with her as a patient and as a potions apprentice. This realization brought a ton of others.
"You are both outside and at the very center of my world. It has always been this way, Severus. Ever since the first day we were trapped here, my eyes are looking for you everywhere. I see you when I close my eyes. It's like my body is searching for yours. Thinking of you isolates me from everyone and everything, from time and space. You follow me faster than my shadow because I carry you inside me."
"James.." Severus whispered with shock. When he used his first name so intimately, the boy couldn't hold himself any longer.
James lowered his head and covered Severus's lips, the boy opened them and invited him in as if his heart would leap out of his chest if he didn't. The fingers in his long hair closed tightly to bow his head and he complied. The kiss intensified to a frantic pace as the other hand was trying to get rid of his shirt. As the shirt finally left his shoulders Severus was gonna explode from thinking. James still wanted him, came back to him with words he couldn't even dream of. Fortunately James's fingers cupped around his growing hardness and his ability to think left him completely.
With a moan from Severus, their lips parted. James pushed him onto the cloth on the floor as his fingers worked on his own shirt. When it was off Severus saw his muscular build clearly for the first time. He would be embarrassed of his scrawny figure if James wasn't eyeing him like he was about to swallow him whole. The boy leaned over him, placing his hands on either side of his head and their lips met again as well as their bodies. Their moans fused in their kiss as their hard members pushed into one another. The friction of the fabrics separating them was too excruciating. Severus let the boy separate his legs with a knee as he rutted into his body. His slow movements were making Severus lose his mind but his lips were too occupied to complain. Two fingers joined the tongue that was in his mouth.
As his fingers were sucked inexperienced, James separated their lips to whisper a spell and their remaining clothes vanished.
When their naked bodies touched each other Severus moaned so loudly that he feared he woke up the whole castle. James looked at him like he was seeing angels, his eyes traveled his whole body and fixated on his growing member. Severus bit his lips with embarrassment and he took the boys glasses off to regain some of his dignity. This was a point of no return, James held his face softly as he looked at him with eyes full of devotion. He had so much in his mind to say but he knew no words that could do them justice. So he decided to show him.
When James looked like he was about to say something but changed his mind, Severus's heart almost stopped fearing the worst. Then the boy leaned in to kiss his lips and all his worries vanished. The tongue once again made love to his own as James's now slick fingers traveled to his backside and his other hand grasped Severus's hard length. He could do nothing but moan into his mouth as a thumb teased the tip of his member, the wet fingers worked on his entrance.
He couldn't help himself move towards the fingers, he wanted them inside, his hole gaping as his length twitched with anticipation and two fingers worked him open, one reaching inside his walls and poking around, pressing, exploring and opening. A second finger followed, stretching his walls, his nerves almost crashing out. When a third one joined them he yelped, his eyes closed, his hand reaching for James, for more from him..
James moved away from him a little and watched him writhe beneath himself as the pretty mouth gasped and moaned with the movement of his fingers. His little yelp and ashamed moans blessed his ears as his fingers made them possible. And then he suddenly pulled them out.
Severus was about to whine but then James aligned himself with him and pressed something harder and bigger against his hole. He watched Severus squirm and arch beneath him as he entered his body slow and steady. Severus's eyes fluttered open and met James's as his face flushed with red and he couldn't help but moan as he got filled. James could barely hold himself from moving frantically because of his needy moans but this was all about Severus and how to please him, how to show him what he felt. He wanted him to see that they were one and belonged to each other.
When Severus got used to the hard, thick length inside him, he opened his legs further for a more comfortable angle. James moved his hands to the pale white legs to connect them on his waist and when Severus whispered "James-" he took the signal and started moving in him with a slow pace but the boy grunted, "Faster, for Salazar's sake don't hold back or I'm gonna-" he couldn't finish his sentence when James slammed into him and started moving rapidly. He wanted to finish with him looking into his eyes, his hands reached Severus's face and their eyes met as Severus groaned when James found the spot that made his eyes roll.
So James kept pounding into it keeping the eye contact and Severus reached to cup his chest kneading as James started to stroke his aching length again. And he couldn't hold it in anymore. Severus came as his body twitched and his walls tightened, swallowing James to the end and joining him as he spilled his load into him, their moans becoming one loud explosion.
He fell on Severus as their breaths trying to catch up and he slipped out of him, feeling his own cum spill out of the boy. Their hands were still traveling each others bodies not ready to cut contact. James wrapped his arms around him as he pressed his nose to Severus's pale neck, kissing a mole he noticed there. They laid for a while as their breathing were steady again. Severus turned his head towards the boy making their eyes meet as his hand was lost inside the messy hair.
James gazed into his eyes and there were stars. "You know I love you right?" he asked as he couldn't believe it as he was saying it. How did that come out so easily?
Severus was as surprised as he was. "Can't believe it, Potter... You fell for your biggest enemy? That's embarrassing."
James laughed at his response. "It was a childish feud that shouldn't define us. We're what we are now."
"And what are we now?" Severus asked and for a moment he looked like his younger self. The little boy James met at the train. Still full of hopes and dreams before James crushed them methodically.
He shook his head to get rid of these thoughts, what mattered was now. "We are whatever you want us to be. I'm completely yours if you take me."
Severus couldn't believe what he heard but one thought nagged at him. "What about Lily?"
Of course he was still thinking about Lily and this broke James. Even he didn't think about her. "The day we blew up your potion, we fought. She told me to stop torturing you or she'd break up with me. I thought I'd make it up to her that night but.. Well... I was with you. And I'm glad I was. You were always right. Lily deserved better than me. Maybe you-"
"No. She does deserve better, not someone dark like me but someone as bright as her. I always knew I wasn't a match to her, I never dreamt further than being her friend. I didn't think I even deserved to dream of her that way." Severus admitted after keeping this to himself for years.
James didn't think he was less than Lily but he wanted him all to himself. "So what are we gonna do now?" he asked as he reached for his glasses to clear his view as well as his mind.
"I don't think I'll join You Know Who. I'm aware that he only wants me for my abilities but they'll never see me as one of them. I'm halfblood, so not exactly their favorite breed. I'll admit though, I did consider it. My whole life I belonged nowhere and I was hungry for that kind of connection. Even a shallow one." his voice cracked towards the end.
James felt terrible, the only reason he felt this lonely was because of him. The boy continued, "But I could never harm people like me, like Lily. And... I do have someone else to hold onto now." he squeezed James in his arms but it was weak, unsure of himself. He was asking if he had someone now.
"You'll have more than that. Dumbledore has this... Order... They heard You Know Who might attack Hogsmeade and even Hogwarts so he's collecting strong wizards to protect the school. To fight him. You should join us and they'll see how valuable you are to lose to the other side."
As a glimpse of hope appeared in his chest Severus weighed it, "But they'll think I'm too dark, too much like them. This order, they'll never fully trust me."
"I'm sure Dumbledore won't think that way, he can see through people and he'll see your worth to our side. If he accepts you everyone accepts you. You might be the strongest wizard of our year. He's not gonna waste that."
Severus pondered for a moment. Thinking of everything Lucius said, offered to get him on their side. "The war is closer than you think. Dumbledore should know that. More than you can guess. He should hear the things Lucius told me about and he can probably tell me a lot more if I play my hand right." It dawned on him. "Dumbledore probably needs an inside man on the dark side. I can get you information." he said but his voice was grim. He didn't wanna be that man but who else could?
"No-" James rejected the idea, "that's too dangerous, Severus. The things they'll ask of you to trust you-"
"I know," Severus breathed. "Trust me I know better than you do, Lucius already told me I needed to prove myself to earn their trust and it's not earned that easily. But they're ready to trust me if I show just enough strength. He told me You Know Who wants me only for my mind and talents, not as a soldier. I could help Dumbledore with planting ideas into their minds so your side can get close. Don't you see?"
James couldn't believe he laid there naked just after their first time only to listen to his self sacrificing plans. He shuddered when he thought of what Severus would have to do to prove himself. He got up as he pulled their clothes to get dressed. Severus eyed him as they slowly and silently got into their robes.
"Too dangerous," James murmured. "They could ask you to torture people, kill, sacrifice your soul."
"I know that believe me, but is there any other option? Wars are not won without losses and sacrifices."
"So you're saying we are destined to be on opposite sides? We fought for years and just as we had the chance to fix it we should throw it all away?" his voice cracked as tears reached his eyes.
Severus sighed. He didn't want to lose him now that he'd only just found him, but there was no other option. Why would he wanna lose the only person he loved and got loved back? But he could see no other way for the greater good and James needed to understand that. "We'd still have to talk to Dumbledore. This can't happen if he doesn't agree to it."
"You think he might not agree to your brilliant plan?" James huffed. "Of course he'll think of the bigger picture and agree. You know it too."
Severus did know, knew too well actually. He was the one facing this nightmare but it had to be faced.
"I don't know what kind of poison are you Severus." James whispered. "Taking over my whole body but not kill me. My only weakness. Why don't you just draw your wand and kill me right here? It'd be quicker than watching you sacrifice yourself."
"I have to do it. Everybody trusts you, Lily trusts you and loves you. You have to take care of her, protect her. You'll have your own burdens to carry."
"Like being condemned to stay away from you?"
"And longing for each other in the darkness. Fortunately I'm used to it."
James couldn't help but giving him a long kiss to try to convince him one more time but even their kiss tasted like separation with their falling tears. This could be their last one.
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James sat under the tree while Sirius glanced at his friend. The boy had been wandering around like a sleepwalker all day. He'd been like that ever since he was summoned to Dumbledore's office that morning. Remus watched his friend with concern too but they had no explanation for his state. He didn't tell them anything.
"Tell us what's wrong, Prongs. Are you still on bad terms with Lily?"
Before James could make up a lie the subject of the question approached them and gave them a shy smile. "Hi." Lily chimed in.
"Oh, I guess they have things to talk about." Remus signaled at Sirius. "Maybe we should check out where Peter has been all morning. Lately he's been wandering around." He pulled Sirius who wanted to listen to the lovers quarrel.
As they left, the couple shared heartfelt apologies. At least heartfelt on one side and guilty on the other. Sirius beamed as he looked back to see Lily give James a kiss on the cheek.
Another set of eyes were watching the scene from afar. The black eyes were clouded as Malfoy nagged away at him, happy that Severus decided to join them. Not one soul on the Hogwarts grounds was aware of the tragedy happening in front of them, they all enjoyed the spring sun.
Except for two souls. Intertwined, yet as far apart as continents. Their nights were over, the secret buried under the lake that witnessed their love, their hearts drowned.