Work Text:
I picture it differently now,
A voice in the back of my head,
Aching, clawing, pleading
To be freed from the subconscious.
I wake again.
You stand over me,
That look of joy, the clammy smile
Of a memory, a vision.
You are nothing more and so,
I wake again.
Screaming this time, horror
In your throat, retching,
You threw yourself away from
My hands, my filthy hands.
I wake again.
I picture you differently now.
Older, wiser, arrogant.
It’s how I’m meant to picture it,
How I should see you before
I wake again.
You still face me at night.
You point to the filth on my mattress,
On my hands, on my skin,
I cannot outrun it and so
I wake again.
I think I fear you.
I dread how you picture me now,
Seething with rage and terror,
Like the nightmares below your bed.
I wake again.
I still long for you,
Not like I used to, I have grown
(I Would hope). I am better but
I am worse, and yet I persist.
I wake again.
I pray, my love, for a time that has passed,
the show is over, the song has ended,
The party gathers for another farewell,
The teeth rot further in my skull.
I wake again.
You are my saviour. My last supper.
I worship all that you were,
I yearn for you to press a hand
Into mine. I devour the sensation.
I wake again.
My visions are haunted, darling,
But I cling to you still, I cling to the
Hauntings of my past mistakes.
The madness consumes me and
I wake again.
I ache, I crave, I kneel before you.
My god unknown, my fear unmatched.
I am afraid of the mirror you show me,
The truth you display.
I wake again.
An angelic forehead against mine,
Our eyelashes flutter against each other,
Our souls are one in the same,
And yet we separate regardless.
I wake again.
Devour all that I am,
Burn what I was at the stake,
Consume me whole, consume my flesh,
Leave me behind to rot.
I close my eyes.