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Denial.
Does it count as denial when you’re aware you’re in denial? Usually, people around you are the ones to notice that you’ve not accepted the truth yet…but Angel is more than happy to admit he knows he hasn’t.
A week ago, Aki made the grave mistake of saving Angel. Something other devil hunters wouldn’t even consider doing. A ridiculous favour for an unworthy devil with a deadly curse. A siphoned two months off the already slim two years he had.
Additionally, non of the other devil hunters are aware of Aki’s slowly descending lifespan.
Yeah I’ll take you there one summer Aki! You’d love it!
I think the film comes out … in a couple years? We should go see it!
You ever thought about having kids Aki? You’d be a great father one day.
It was driving Angel insane.
Insane enough that he even started to believe Aki had this much time left. That in fact he willbe able to meet with his friends to see that movie, he will be able to be a father one day. It seems absurd to assume otherwise.
After all, everyone else thinks the same.
The missions continued as normal also, a little awkward but similar nonetheless. Angel watches Aki do the work, and the two continue the same the next day.
Aki’s currently working on training a few devil hunters, in his loose fitting vest that Angel’s eyes are unnaturally drawn to.
He separates himself from the group, perching on a small bench in the room to watch the others fight and listen to Aki. Occasionally, another hunter will throw a disgusted look his way.
Angel can’t help but feel like everyone knows. Knows what he did. What they both did.
But every thought of such is discarded when he hears them speak of plans for the near future.
The future Aki doesn’t have. Yet Angel falsely chooses to believe he does.
Aki even goes as far to speak on how to improve these skills long term, and how he will guide them along the way.
Long term. It sounds wrong in Angel’s ears and looks forced coming from Aki’s mouth. The reason, they’re both aware of.
A reason that hurts too much to think about, to mourn. So he simply doesn’t.
“You planning on helping anytime soon?” Aki asks from his place in the centre of the room.
“I can’t exactly touch any of you. How am I supposed to help with the fighting?” Angel leans further back into the bench.
“You’re the devil here. Give us some tips to hunt them or something,” Aki scoffs, voice filled with boredom.
Makima insisted these two helped run the training class. A devil who can’t touch anyone, and a hunter who is itching to complete every mission possible.
Although Denji and Power also seem like an awful choice.
Angel sighs, thinking of helpful advice. “Well, you’re more likely to defeat them if you have a contract, you’d be lucky to survive with just human skills alone.”
The trainees nod, a few scoffs which say obviously.
Angel wonders if the others know about the deal with the future devil.
“Is that why you have bandages on your arms?” A hand points out to Aki.
Aki’s bare arms flex, something Angel doesn’t see often. The public safety uniform offering him no luxury of the sort.
“Yeah, I have a deal with the fox devil,” Aki answers blatantly.
An uproar of questions, some of which relating to Aki classifying as handsome to the fox, get ignored as Aki begs them to focus back on correct positioning and agility skills.
But one question, rather delayed, makes Aki holt.
“I heard you live with Chainsaw and the blood fiend! Surly that’s a hassle right? What if you want to retire!”
Aki’s expression falters, a twitch of the eye, and a hitch in his breath. All hidden behind the upward quirk of a painful smile.
“I don’t plan on leaving them anytime soon.”
Anger.
Thankfulness, it’s what everyone would usually feel when someone literally saves your life. But when you’re ready to die, in fact you’re wishing to die - it seems to feel more like a punishment than a favour.
Because not only did Aki sacrifice two months of his life for Angel, he already had 2 years left to begin with.
And he wasted it on someone who was more than fine with leaving forever.
Angel hates his life, from what he can remember anyway. Why would he want to be rewarded with more of it? That truly seems like something cruel.
More missions, more lonesome nights at his accommodation in public safety, more death. The main things he was extremely giddy to never experience again.
But Aki. He’s almost banished Angel to a second hell. To which is his long lasting, and stolen life.
Angel knows he isn’t hiding his emotions very well. He hopes with each passing week, he will grow to accept that this is both their fate. But it seems wrong and feels too sudden. The longer he waits for this to happen the sooner it’s slipping away from him.
Angel is also selfish.
He is thankful, deep down. Thankful for how Aki cared so deeply about losing Angel he dared to do the one thing people hated Angel for.
His hands were warm and snug around Angel’s delicate skin. The explosions from the bomb devil casted a harsh orange glow around the two, bolder than any light Angel’s halo could produce. A metaphor for something Angel wants to ignore.
He’s also thankful he got to know how someone’s grip fits around his wrist, how his skin feels against another’s. But angry at the cost it took just for those minuscule seconds.
He aches that he will never get to experience that again. Not without a price to pay. Some things are better left unknown.
Would it be easier to wish Angel didn’t exist or Aki? Self hatred is simpler, but for a devil he should find no remorse in hating Aki.
Should. But he can’t.
Angel sits on a park bench, covered in dust and soot, small shards of glass and debris cling to his wings and seem to lodge themselves deeper like quicksand. He picks robotically, not even thinking about the task. The quicker he gets the pieces out the less time he will have to spend under the icy showers at public safety. He knows they can afford hot water, he knows they also don’t care.
Aki’s footsteps rustle closer, clearly finished with his statement of their devil encounter.
“Okay. I think we’re done for today, let’s take you back to public safety,” Aki too is covered head to toe in dust and soot.
Angel huffs.
“I thought you’d be glad we finished early,” Aki shifts his weight onto one side, glaring down at Angel. “I told them we won’t be able to work if you’re covered in glass and God knows what else.”
Angel cocks his head up, but his eyes remain attached to the mess of his feathers, fingers still digging in. “Can’t we just stay here?”
“Makima wants you back in your accommodation,” Aki admits, though he sounds as equally unimpressed as Angel feels.
Angel drops his hands from his feathers and stands up from the bench. “Fine. Let’s go.”
Another thing Angel hates is his jealousy. He hates how Aki gets to go home to his apartment and spend time with Denji and Power, have delicious cooked meals and a TV, even books or games. A bed that isn’t made out of two layers of foam, heating, a fucking window.
And Angel has to return to his … room. This box, cell, basement, or whatever contains nothing of Angel’s. Nothing to read, watch or to do. The most luxury he gets is brushing his hair.
Angel drags his feet down the hall towards his door. But another body looms behind him, one that normally offers an awkward smile and has a cigarette in its mouth before it leaves Angel by himself each night.
Angel peers behind him, “Aki I can walk to my own room.”
“Makima told me to check something in your bathroom, something about getting the hot water fixed.”
Makima probably figured Angel would rather stab himself to death with the shards of glass in his wings than use the cold shower.
“Really? I have hot water?” Angel’s eyes light up at the thought. But also feels pity at how this is now a pivotal moment in his mental health. Hot water.
Aki nods, “I’ll only be a second, she said I just have to check the taps don’t leak and if the hot water actually turns on.”
Angel almost quickens his pace, desperate to get the muck off of his skin.
They reach Angel’s room, and routinely Angel is met with the same darkness before switching on a pathetic lamp, to which struggles to shine brighter than the glowing ring above his head. If they can get him hot water, maybe they could get him an actual light.
He inches into the room, “Bathroom is through that door.” He points, but is met with no sound of further movement or noise of acknowledgment. “Aki?”
Aki’s face is something akin to worry. “This is where you live?”
“Not by choice but yeah,” Angel scoffs.
Aki’s eyebrows furrow, his hair falling in front of his eyes as he turns to look at the very little decor in the room. There’s … something similar to a bed, a closet with a couple extra uniforms, and a little vanity. A hairbrush and mirror sit atop. Something you’d see in a kids store, an accessory for a doll.
Aki shakes his head, “Sorry, let me test the taps.”
Angel takes this opportunity to strip off his jacket and tie, untucking his shirt and flopping down onto his tiny mattress.
He hisses as a piece of glass digs into his shoulder. Small arms tangle around his back to reach for the sharp thing, but it’s no use. Either his wings get in the way, or his hand can’t reach. He hopes the hot water will dislodge some of the pieces. At least enough so he can sleep comfortably.
Taps screech in the next room, and water flows and drips into the tub. Aki shouts through the door, “Okay there’s no leaking, I’ll just wait to see if the water warms up.”
Angel shakes out his wings, not the best idea to fling glass everywhere but he can’t bear the itchiness it’s causing him.
Aki returns, the water still running in the distance.
“Don’t waste the hot water Aki!” Angel scurries up, and reaches the bathroom where-
Where, a bath is slowly filling up, bubbles foaming round the sides and coating the air in a sugary scent.
“Calm down, I’m running you a bath.” Aki’s voice echoes in the other room.
A bath? Angel never thought to fill the tub up, because well, why would he want to sit in freezing cold water?
Is this what Aki gets to go home to everyday? A soothing, soapy bath?
“Oh. Thank you,” Angel mutters. Dipping his finger tips into the water. The soot instantly wiping away.
“Obviously have a shower afterwards, you’ll be sitting in a bunch of grime. But I thought a bath would be easier to clean your wings,” Aki explains, standing in the doorway.
Where is this thankfulness Angel should be feeling? Why does his face feel so red, yet it’s not with the desire he feels when Aki gets him an ice cream, or laughs at Angel’s laziness? It’s something meaner… and gruesome.
“Okay… well I need to get back to Denji and Power before they set our apartment on fire. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Aki shifts from his place in the doorway, waiting for their usual goodbye. But is met with no response.
Angel’s shoulders tense. Our apartment.
“Mhm,” Is all he can grit out. His eyes follow the flow of the tap, and how the water mingles in the tub, bubbles popping and decreasing in numbers. He knows the moment Aki leaves the water will feel just as cold as before.
Aki makes no sign of exit, “Are you feeling okay Angel?”
Angel just shrugs. And Aki takes that as an invite to step further into the already crowded bathroom.
“Angel?” A faint heat is felt behind Angels wings before he snaps around.
“Don’t get too close,” He warns.
“I have gloves on-”
“I don’t care. It’s still dangerous… just get back to Denji and Power,” He sits on the edge of the tub. Turning off the tap.
Aki squints, “Are you annoyed we finished early or something? You always say how tired you are so-”
“No, it’s not that,” Angel’s eyes feel so heavy. The selfishness is eating him from the inside. He accepted his death faster than he accepted his return to public safety.
Usually Aki would argue back with him, ask him why he’s being so moody. The silence seems to annoy Angel more however.
Without the echo of the tap to distract him, his thoughts flood his mind.
What’s the point of even cleaning himself if tomorrow he’ll just return to this filthy place covered in more guts and dirt?
“Are you just going to sulk in here then? And not tell me what’s wrong?” Aki crosses his arms.
“It’s nothing you can help with,” Angel sighs, dragging his fingers through the water. Creating ripples and small splashes.
He hears Aki hum, “How so?”
“Because it’s your fault.”
The silence returns. Sometimes arguing is more relaxing these days.
Angel continues. “It’s your fault I had to return to public safety, to here, it’s your fault I couldn’t just …”
“Just what? Die? Are you mad that I fucking saved you?” Aki grits out. His hands clenching under his gloves. The memory of what occurred.
“Look at this place Aki, and tell me someone who would willingly want to come back here,” his voice is clear, something true escaping his tongue.
Aki seems to be at a loss for words. Supposedly trying to conjure up a defence for … the temporary hot water… or the nice safe locks on the doors to keep Angel ‘safe’. You’d be a fool to take those for granted of course.
“And it cost you two months,” Angel whispers. A waver of guilt slipping past his lips.
“That was my choice Angel, I knew what I was doing when I grabbed you,” his expression shifts as if he was back there with his hand clutching Angel’s.
“Well you shouldn’t have!” Angel’s voice bounces around the room. “At least you get to go home to people, you get freedom, you get to have a life outside of work - except you gave up some of that for what? For me?”
Aki turns around and slips out the bathroom door. “I’ll see you tomorrow Angel.”
“Aki wait-”
His back faces Angel, and he watches how his ribs shake with his staggered breathing. “I told you, I’m fed up of people dying in front of me. But I’ll take what you’ve said into account next time you need saving.”
And before he can interject - apologise or whatever - Aki is out of his room and closing the door with a rough slam. His body falls in defeat against the tub, a small splash catching in his hair.
Angel was right, the water had turned cold.
Bargaining.
The months seem to be slipping away. Normally Angel would wish for the work day to end as quick as possible, but with Aki as his partner he feels revolted at the thought of wanting time to pass quicker. Quicker than it already is.
You’d expect Angel to be the one dying with how thoroughly he’s counting down the minutes. Aki seems unbothered, although Angel knows that’s not truly how he feels. Simply how he’s choosing to present himself to others. A devil hunter has no time to cry, especially one on a mission.
It’s for the Gun devil. Angel tells himself. That’s why Aki insists on working every hour every day, overtime, volunteering himself to cover shifts. Which as a result volunteers Angel too.
But it seems all too desperate. Even missions which are obviously not linked to the Gun devil, Aki takes. Missions such as, we need someone to organise a meeting next week, or can someone double check each devil is locked up because something came up for the security guard.
Aki wants to make the most of his time. He wants more time. He needs it, he deserves it.
And Angel is determined to find a way to provide it.
It’s after hours, and Angel is joining Aki with his paperwork. Helping him fill out the details he may have missed - and also avoiding going back to his pathetic cell they call his ‘room’.
“Aki, do you know what other devils they keep here?” Angel asks. He knows a few, such as the future devil. And other far too dangerous ones, but not all.
“Yes, I have a file of them somewhere. Why?” His eyes don’t leave his paperwork.
Angel chews his lip, “Can I see the file? I’m just curious… that’s all”
Angel for once, has a plan. There must be a devil in here that can help them. One that can reverse time, or donate time. If Angel can take someone’s life away, there must be a devil that can give it back? Anything is possible.
Aki glances up at him, “Can it wait? I’m nearly done”
Words which once would have made Angel relieved, the day is over.
Another day is over.
He dreads it now.
He sighs, “It’s just so boring in my cell… they don’t give me anything to do. I just wanted to see who else is here as well” Angel bats his eyelashes, “Would you rather buy me an ice cream instead?”
The pen in Aki’s hand swirls in his grip. Then is placed back in the cup holder as the desk jolts, a drawer is opened. Dust sprinkles in the air, the files all squashed together in the small space. Aki’s fingers trace along the papers, and weirdly Angel hopes he gets a paper cut. A taste of his blood before it’s drained out of him in a few months.
He’s still a devil after all.
“Here.” Aki yanks the file out and pushes it towards his partner. “Are you going to be quiet while I finish this?”
Angel smirks, “I won’t promise anything,” he takes the file and instantly skim reads.
It’s organised weirdly, from the date they were captured rather than how dangerous or powerful they are. Devils such as the guilt devil, and betrayal devil seem to mock Angel as he reads. Jumping out from the page, this is on you, it says, you did this to him.
He flips the page. Another long list of mismatched devils with all sorts of powers.
A prayer devil. That could work.
“What can the prayer devil do?” Angel inquires. Ignoring the glare from Aki which says, I thought I told you to be quiet.
“Sort of similar to the future devil, it gives you a small window to pray for something to happen. With barely any limitations either. I’m not sure who captured it though,” Aki answers.
Angel hums, is that it? You can’t pray for a longer lifespan or anything?
“What if you prayed for something not in battle, like I don’t know, more … ice cream,” Angel cringes at himself.
“She’s very fussy I heard. Only obeys the prayers she deems important. Like saving you from an attack, or making you not sick anymore or something. You basically have to be free of sin to have a contract.”
Angel’s eyes flicker back to the file, “What about the protection devil?”
“Could they give you more ice cream?” Aki huffs out a laugh. Pen scribbling on his paperwork.
“No… what can they do?”
Aki puts his pen down, “Why are you asking me these questions? The protection devil is just… good at protecting. It doesn’t use violence but it’s incredible at avoiding attacks and fighting.”
Angel rolls his eyes, “Useless…”
“Useless? I think that’s a pretty good power to have. Especially in a contract, endless protection”
Bit late for that, Angel thinks.
Angel returns to his file, and Aki returns to his paperwork. Angel isn’t so sure what he’s still writing down… their mission today was a simple hangover devil. Made everyone a bit sick for a while and he can still taste a medical flavour on his tongue, but that was it.
The dates on the files are getting closer and closer to ones him and Aki have captured. He starts over. He must have missed one. The answer must be in here somewhere.
His fingers follow the lettering on the paper, the names of the devils, and their cell numbers and-
“The soul devil! The soul devil, what do they do?” Angel makes himself jump from his own exasperation.
Aki hums, no longer bothered by the fact Angel promised to be quiet. “That’s an old one… I’m not sure I remember…”
“Can we go check? I’m not allowed to talk to the captured devils… despite being one myself,” Angel begs.
“And do what exactly? Ask him how his days been?” Aki’s voice is laced in sarcasm, and starts to pack away his very detailed paperwork.
“I was thinking maybe … he could help. Somehow..” Angel’s halo seems to flicker with doubt. Or insecurity.
“Help?”
“If maybe, he could do something with your soul. Like lengthen the souls lifespan rather than your body. And you could keep living-”
“So I’d be a walking corpse then? That’s if it even works,” Aki shoves past him.
“No I didn’t mean that. We don’t know what the soul devil can even do. But It’s worth it to check-”
Aki turns around. “Angel. Do you know what I’d have to give up to be able to live longer? That’s not a simple contact I’d be asking for. They’d want something insane in return”
“We don’t know that yet,” Angel’s voice wavers, he doesn’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth. A devil, making an easy contract? It’s unheard of.
“Do you really believe that?” Angel blinks back at him, his face reddening. “Fine, let’s go ask him then? Let’s see if he’d rather have all my limbs removed or just my skin, hm? How’s that sound?”
“I’m just trying to help Aki. Especially since.. you know,” Angel can’t bring himself to say it.
“I have four months left? Do you think I’m not aware of that?”
Angel hates when Aki gets like this. It’s only natural, to get defensive or upset when something sensitive comes up. But he can’t help but think it’s aimed at him. The anger and resentment. Aki’s words hitting him like a punishment.
“Sorry… I didn’t mean to snap at you,” Aki lets out a deep sigh. “Let’s go see the soul devil then, come on.”
The captured devils don’t seem to live much differently than Angel does. These prisons are equally cold and eerie, and offer no freedom and leave no space for enjoyment.
Angel is almost jealous they don’t have to work.
Maybe then, if Angel had been fully captured and imprisoned, Aki would have a little longer left to live.
Cell 124. Angel counts. “It’s this one.”
Aki peers down at him, “Angel.”
“Hm?”
Aki’s expression weakens, no longer looking so confident. Perhaps a little worried as to how quickly he actually would give up all his body parts just to have a little longer to live.
“.. it doesn’t matter. Let’s just go in.”
Aki walks in first, hands shoved into his pockets as if to restrain him from doing something stupid.
The soul devil, is almost humanoid like Angel. Except his whole body appears to be made of some sort of crystal. With a gleaming aura surrounding him. A purple shade, which sparkles in the light of Angel’s halo. He sits crossed legged on the floor, hands on his - what Angel would assume is his knees - in a somewhat meditating position.
“Are you the soul devil?” Aki asks, a ridiculous question to start off with.
The aura gleams brighter, and his crystal fingers scrape against his glass-like limbs. “You interrupted me,” he speaks, voice low and singsongy.
“I’m sorry about that. We came to ask you something,” Aki continues. Angel close by.
“Go ahead,” the devil breaths out low and deep, returning to his meditation. “I can’t promise I’ll be of much use.”
“Do you… have the ability to lengthen lifespans? For the soul, that is,” Aki shuffles in his place.
The aura around the devil stops, his breathing too.
“The soul is not something physical. It has no lifespan. It has no beginning nor end.”
“What?” Angel finally speaks up, “Look, Aki is going to die in four months… is there no way you can help us?”
“Hmm,” the devil ponders for a moment, “The soul and body are two separate entities, if I lengthen the souls lifespan then … Aki would be alive somewhere else. Once the body is gone, it’s gone.”
Angel groans, “But won’t the body stay alive if the soul is too?”
A mockery of laughs fills the concrete cell. “Do you think this is Aki’s first body?”
“Excuse me?” Aki perks up.
Angel squints at the harsh glow of the returning aura.
“You’ve lived many lives, devil hunter. Just like Angel has. Except instead of returning back to hell, you stay on earth, a constant cycle of reincarnation.”
Aki doesn’t move, his eyes wondering to Angel for a split second before the soul devil continues.
“I cannot lengthen the life of something eternal,” the transparent head tilts to the side, alongside a clinking sound of glass, “I’m sorry I cannot help with your body. I’ve been dying to make a contract for a while now.”
Angel’s heart pumps with defeat. He could’ve sworn this was it. The answer.
“I could give you the skills of your past lives if you like?” The devil carries on. “Of course I’d want something in return… maybe those eyes of yours-”
“No, we’re good. Thank you” Aki interrupts, storming out of the room with urgency. Angel following suite. Pulling the door to a close behind them, the lock clicking on command.
“Sorry Aki. I feel like I’ve made this worse,” Angel calls after him. “Like rubbing salt in the wound…”
His partner turns back to him, a ghost of hope on his expression. Replaced now with despair.
“Its not your fault Angel,”
But it is, he thinks. It is my fault.
“It was silly of the both of us to believe we could prevent this. I knew what I was doing when I used my katana, and I knew what I was doing when the typhoon devil hit,” Aki’s voice is almost a whisper, “I can’t be angry with myself because I’d do it all over again.”
Angel’s gaze drops to the floor, refusing to acknowledge the hurt on Aki’s face.
“Maybe in another life you weren’t so stupid to grab my hand,” Angel mummers.
“Never.”
Depression.
One week left. It’s odd experiencing such sadness for something that hasn’t even happened yet. Something that should, in theory, be against Angel’s nature. He’s a devil, why should he care about the death of a human in such a deep and painful way?
He once argued all humans deserve to suffer a painful death. But Aki feels different. He’s experienced so much pain in his life it feels like a taunt to make him suffer until his last breath. It’s nauseating. Caring. Something he can feel but never allows himself to. Because why would he? The only few people he has the sheer privilege of speaking to, he despises. Makima for example, deserves all the pain in the world. He would argue this is in fact all her fault. They should never have been partners, him and Aki. He would never work for public safety, and Angel wouldn’t have been kidnapped.
Despite being an Angel, he’s finding it very hard to believe this is all Gods plan. A disgusting God if so. And Makima fits that image.
Everyone else he knows, he simply feels neutral towards. Denji and power are perhaps close seconds to Aki. They actually give him the time of day, mainly because they can’t exactly die in the same way as Aki if they touch.
Is that what this is?
Is it only because his mortality is half on Angel’s hands? Guilt is another disgusting feeling he swears is now permanent to his body.
It’s also a familiar feeling, something that’s always lurking in his brain. Like he’s been here before…but can’t quite remember. A strange Déjà vu that never quite goes away. And in fact is so strong in some senses it gives him a headache.
And caring, seems to do so too. Caring so much, it makes you sad. Depressed. Angry. All of it. All at once.
Angel, who likes to pride himself in his laziness. Feels completely useless for once. He never usually wants to do anything, but now that the issue is that he can’t do anything, he’s stuck. Stuck in this human like body which insists on exhibiting raw emotions when time is due.
He peers over to the small tally’s on his cell wall. A prison if you will. Stone cold flooring, a single bed shoved in the corner, a dresser and surprisingly he has the luxury of his own bathroom. The tally’s fill up most of the wall, each week counting down and being etched into the marble. And one solitary line is to be added. Once Sunday hits. It’ll be complete. Or more so, incomplete as two years is far too short to accomplish anything extraordinary. Too little time. Those two months weigh on his shoulders like an extra set of wings. Two months he greedily stole, and is yet so selfishly happy he did.
Angel wants to die again.
But being saved the first time is what got him into this mess of emotions.
Seven days.
He forces himself up to make a head start on their final week.
It’s cold. Though Angel doesn’t care, he simply pulls his wings closer to his back on instinct, if it were up to him he’d let the chilling air sweep him off his feet and take him wherever.
But staying warm is easier.
Him and Aki walk down an empty street, a thin alleyway humming as they step past.
“Did you hear that?” Aki pauses. Angel stills, trying to decipher the humming.
“It’s probably just an air vent,” Angel kicks a rock up the street. Sighing when it falls into the road. There’s no traffic, but soon there will be.
Aki’s head creeps round the corner of the alley, and his body follows. The two now emerging towards the sound.
The hum turns into crackling, like a popping candy. If Angel had an appetite he’d begin to feel hungry, however his stomach seems to have been filled by regret, and something sour.
Angel takes another step before a hand shoots against his chest. Halting him in his place. A deep fury burns in him. Aki, the person with one week left to live, the same person who had two extra months stripped from him from touching the very same devil, is being far too reckless.
“I told you not to touch me,” Angel murmurs. But Aki shuts him up with a glare.
“Do you really think this week will make a difference Angel?” He stares, and Angel simply blinks as a response. “In fact I’d rather die by surprise than have the agony of counting down the seconds.” Aki huffs.
This week is all I have left, Angel thinks. Of you.
The two continue the walk through the alley. Angel’s halo illuminating the path, orange strobes circle the pair.
“Is that why you’re being so reckless? You want to die that bad?”
Aki’s shoulders bounce as he lets out a weak scoff. “You should know more than anyone how much I want to live. I also don’t want to spend my last week alive being so paranoid.”
Angel would argue he shouldn’t be spending his last week alive in a dirty, grime-filled pathway.
He decides not to reply. They’ve done enough arguing and it never gets anywhere. Aki will never know the feeling of siphoning someone’s one and only life away, and Angel will never know the feeling of being human.
And despite that being true, he can’t help but feel so not-devil-like at times.
The crackling echo’s louder.
And at Angel’s own fault, he bumps into Aki’s back. A muffled sound leaving him as he realises the other has stopped walking.
“A wire devil. I’ll handle this,” Aki slices his katana from its holder, and heads around a corner. Leaving Angel to watch, not that he has any issue of the sort.
The devil is a thin thing, all knotted together into a heap of cables and wires. An electric current running through its body. It tries to latch onto Aki’s weapon, but ultimately fails.
The wires split open, and one last crack is heard before Aki is returned beside his partner.
“Stupid thing had a cable stuck, couldn’t even move,” he sighs.
Angel hums. What a boring way to spend the day.
“I’m getting hungry, do you want anything in particular to eat?” Aki forces himself past, and starts towards the empty street.
“I’m not hungry,” Angel follows.
“You’re not hungry?”
Angel shakes his head, not that Aki is looking at him.
“But we didn’t eat anything before this mission, why aren’t you hungry?” Aki falls into step beside Angel as the two are now back at the street they came from. “Are you feeling okay? Can devils even get sick?”
Angel shakes his head again. Answering both questions simultaneously. Not that he expects Aki to notice, he’ll just assume Angel is being too lazy to work and simply wants the day over with.
“I have an idea,” Aki’s voice lowers, “We can have ice cream for lunch.”
“I’m not hungry” he repeats, monotone as usual.
“Not even for ice cream? You have to eat something.”
“I don’t need the same nutrients as you humans do, I’ll be fine,” he mutters, finding another rock to kick, which also ends up in the road. Déjà vu is odd.
“Fine, then I guess you’ll have to watch me eat,” Angel has done nothing but watch Aki’s every move since two years ago. The tally’s didn’t start randomly. The weeks bled together, and Angel made sure to spend them ensuring Aki is still safe, and somewhat content.
He’s lead into a small restaurant. As equally as empty as the streets feel. It’s as if the world is mocking Angel for feeling so alone, isolating him both from his normalcy and the rest of society.
Despite ordering only fifteen minutes prior, food is already littered on the table. Enough for the two to feast on. Although Angel wasn’t lying when he said his appetite was replaced by something far uglier.
“Angel please eat something,” Aki shoves a plate in his direction. Angel’s insides tighten.
“I don’t want to. I said I’ll be fine,”
Aki tilts his head down. “Look I know I only have a week left. Everyone’s keeping tabs on me, I can tell. And I can see it in you too, Angel.”
Angel does what he does best, and stays silent.
“You can’t starve yourself just because I’m going to die, that’s ridiculous,” He scoffs defensively. But his eyes soften, and Angel finds it hard to watch. “You’ll have plenty of time to feel this way once I’m gone, please just for this week pretend you’re fine. I don’t think I can handle someone else looking at me like I’m already dead.”
Angel picks up a pair of chopsticks.
“Power and Denji… they refuse to leave my side at home. Which is fine, it’s not much different to before. But it feels wrong. Like they’re trying to keep me together, piecing me back up. And even Makima looks at me like I’m broken, not much use to public safety anymore. I know this last week of mine-“ Angel almost gags at the sentence alone, “-I won’tbe much use, I’m self aware enough to know it’s unlikely we’ll catch the Gun devil. But I want to at least die trying.”
“You don’t have to explain yourself Aki.” Angel says, mainly because he doesn’t think he can handle hearing Aki talk about it anymore.
Aki swallows, and nods. “I know, not to you anyway. But all I’m saying is I can’t take it any longer. Everyone in my life keeps treating me differently,” he picks up his glass and takes a long sip.
“I’m sorry,” Angel offers, prying the chopsticks a part and digging into the meal. Whether he’s referring to what Aki’s saying or for the two months he siphoned is anyone’s guess.
“It’s okay, thank you. For eating with me,” Aki’s gaze is glued to Angels.
Angel wishes he could starve to death.
Acceptance.
The clock chimes at midnight. Aki’s last day was beginning. They’ll spend it together, well only half of it, the rest is reserved for Denji and Power. Angel wonders if there’s a way he’ll be allowed to join them, escape public safety just for one night.
But there’s nothing Makima loves more than seeing Angel suffer.
“Let’s take it easy today,” Aki speaks, walking beside Angel as he chaperones him out the building. “Shocker I know.” He replies in response to Angel’s gaped mouth.
“You don’t want to continue the search for the gun devil one last time?”
A phrase the two have been getting used to saying, rather than dwelling in the what ifs, it turns out to be far less painful to acknowledge what will inevitably happen. One last time, they’ll say after anything not routinely done. Aki briefly told him about how he let it slip to Power and Denji that he needed to prep meals for them one last time, which resulted in a breakdown full of tears and sobs from the two.
Although Angel reckons there was a third person joining in with the tears. Not one Aki will admit.
“I think I just want to … live this last day as normal as possible,” Aki sighs, perhaps one of relief but … realistically it’s closer to dread.
Angel won’t argue back, easy is all he’s ever asked for.
And easy is what he received. They didn’t even try to hunt for a devil, they simply strolled casually down the streets, window shopping (not that Angel gets payed) and he’s already eaten two ice creams by the time lunch rolls around.
This time Angel has his appetite back.
The restaurant is calm, a few occupied tables, and a relaxing tune plays throughout the room. Aki grabs a menu but speaks before he opens it.
“You know I practically had to beg to work today,” it’s casual, but there’s something deep in his voice. An invitation to ask more.
Angel quirks up an eyebrow, “I’m surprised Makima isn’t bleeding you dry,” he jokes. But Aki’s laugh comes across as forceful rather than agreement.
“I think it’s only because she cares about Denji, she wanted me to stay home with him all day,” his eyes drift down to the menu, skimming, but Angel can tell he’s still thinking.
“And why didn’t you?” Angel murmurs. Quite frankly he isn’t quite sure how he’d feel if he didn’t get to see Aki one last time.
Aki shrugs, so casual still but it’s noticeably bothering him. Whatever’s on his mind.
“I wanted to see you.”
Oh.
Angel swallows, Aki wanted to see him on his last day? He went to work just to see Angel for a final time? Better yet he begged to work.
“What happened to you hating devils?” Angel prods, hoping to move away to a subject that doesn’t make his cheeks flush and heart flutter.
Aki hums, “Maybe they’re not all so bad.”
The sun bleeds through the restaurant windows, casting a warm haze across Aki’s face. A soft glow, a light that Aki will be reaching towards in a matter of hours. Angel’s chest tightens. A sickness that won’t leave.
“Actually I have a question about devils,” Aki continues.
Angel tilts his head, a strand of hair grazing his cheek. “One you couldn’t ask Denji or something?”
“I don’t think he understands devils anymore than I do.”
Angel hums, “Okay, go on.”
“How come some are more humanoid? Or at least more conscious,” He begins.
“What do you mean?” Angel questions. Quirking up an eyebrow.
“It just seems that humans are taught all devils are evil, with no guilty conscience,” Aki sighs, “But you don’t seem to be like that all.”
Aki’s question about devils is clearly about one devil in particular.
“Maybe it’s because of my power,” Angel tries to think as to why he doesn’t enjoy killing as much as other devils. Sure he has a taste for blood and an appetite for flesh but realistically, if he was offered the opportunity to get rid of his powers and devilish nature - he’d trade it in a heartbeat. “Siphoning lifespans is powerful, but miserable. I suppose other devils have more fulfilling powers.”
He uses the word power lightly. This curse is debilitating, no reward has been issued. Angel sees it hard to be grateful for.
“Do you wish you had a different power?” Aki wonders.
“I guess. But then I’m not sure I’d still be like this,” A different power would surly result in a different Angel altogether.
“Ah maybe you wouldn’t be so lazy,” Aki teases, finally opening up his menu again. “But I guess you’re right, you would be different. And maybe less powerful.”
If only. Angel thinks if he was weaker, Makima would have had the decency to just kill him.
“Like those wings, and the weapons in your halo,” Aki continues, “Without them you probably wouldn’t even be the Angel Devil. And your beauty, you’re like a siren, it’s necessary-”
Angel almost spits out his drink as he sips. Beautiful!? What is Aki even saying?
“You think I’m beautiful?”
Aki’s head shoots up from his menu, but no hint of regret or embarrassment lay present. Instead he looks confused. “You’re an Angel, no?”
He nods.
“Of course you’re going to be beautiful,” Aki almost scoffs, “The same reason Denji has chainsaws, it’s kind of a key feature.”
Something is burning in Angel’s chest. He searches Aki’s face for some kind of clue, is he joking? Or just finally letting loose since he quite literally is almost a dead man.
Aki’s eyes flicker back to Angel. “You didn’t know?”
Angel shakes his head, “Devils don’t really have those concepts. And no one has ever told me that before,” His voice is almost a whisper, how is it a human has had this effect on him? How weak and vulnerable.
But god Angel feels so alive. A heat cursing through his veins as Aki stares at him, almost dumbfounded.
“Seriously?” Aki double checks. And now a small sense of embarrassment makes it way onto his expression, a tint of pink crawls up his neck and stains his cheeks. “I guess I thought that was like another power of yours, being able to seduce people into your touch.”
Aki clears his throat. As if it could erase what he’s just said.
“Seduce?” Angel asks, “You think I’m out here sleeping around for blood?”
“Not now obviously, but before. I don’t know, forget I said anything.”
Angel wishes he could, there’s so little time and so many questions left.
“Well I wouldn’t, haven’t.” He admits, gaze lingering on Aki’s face before staring at the shared table.
Something about the confession makes Aki cough again, a sign Angel recognises as discomfort, humiliation.
“You’ve never…?”
Angel hunches over, and shakes his head. “I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone.”
“Would you want to? If it wouldn’t hurt anyone,” Aki asks, a sudden confidence overtaking his body.
“Yeah, I would,” Angel admits, almost sighing in relief at the phrase. It’s something he doesn’t allow himself to think about too often, but is hyper aware it’s one of the many things he deeply desires. “Even just once, just to know what it’s like.”
A waiter briefly passes by, taking orders and leaving. A small break in something that’s Angel’s whole life. Despite the interruption, Aki continues.
“I’m sure there’s a way you could figure something out,” His voice is weirdly optimistic. “If it’s something you’ve always wanted to try, it’d be worth it to try and find a way. Otherwise you’ll never know.”
“And what about you?”
Aki freezes, the pink tint turning a deep scarlet on his cheeks. “What?”
“What’s something you’ve always wanted to try?” Angel clarifies.
With only a handful of hours left, he’s sure Aki has thought of nothing other than how to spend his time. A bucket list of finalities before it’s gone. Before he’s gone.
“Perhaps a vacation,” He answers, shrugging with insecurity.
Angel can’t bring himself to laugh, he’s also been stripped of the opportunity of a vacation. “Me too,” He agrees.
He’s sure whoever his next partner is will find it harder to enjoy Angel’s presence as such. He wonders if they’d ask personal questions, but not out of judgment, a genuine curiosity. Would they spend money from their own pocket on ice cream for Angel when he’s feeling tired? Would they spend their last day alive with him?
Once Angel reaches his accommodation, dropped off by Aki for a final time, he feels … empty. As if his body has been drained of any emotion possible, as if the grieving is already complete.
He listens to his breathing, soft and slow, in his chamber of a room. There’s nothing else he can do other than … wait for it all to be over.
Makima, surprisingly, gave him the day off tomorrow. Probably more for her to find him another partner, but still. Angel can’t imagine walking the streets with someone else, doing the same tasks (which he once hated) with someone so … irrelevant. He shouldn’t think this way. He’s had other partners.
But non of them were like Aki. And ones next in line won’t be either.
Angel dreams of the country side. How simple his life could be. A morning of sitting in the heat, sand tickling his toes, a breakfast of fruit, followed by splashes of water in the ocean. Salt infiltrating his lungs, until he breathes it in accidentally. His nose burning, eyes watering. Suddenly so suffocating.
His cheek feels wet as he shakes the thought away. It’s all so wrong.
Something was taken from him before, he knows it. He had come to terms with the fact he’ll never truly know what Makima did to him. But now that it’s happening a second time, it feels like his brain can’t quite handle it.
The universe is taunting him. Mocking him anytime he feels comfortable enough with another.
Angel wraps his wings around himself, a habit that was more instinct than anything. The only true touch he can feel, free of murder, free of death and sorrow.
Two months. They could’ve had two more months together, if he had simply not grabbed his hand.
How Angel would still be laying here if that was the case is a difficult question.
Even if he wasn’t here. Aki alone could’ve had two more months, with Denji and Power at least. He has people to return home to, look after, spend time with. Just be with. And now he’s leaving them, leaving Angel.
His skin feels raw and cold. Tingling from the inside as his feathers curl tighter around his shivering body. His touch, pains even himself. It’s capability strong, and underlying in every moment, even moments surrounded by nothing other than his own small, desperate breaths.
For once, Angel is thankful he’s always so tired. His brain insisting it shuts off, his shaky inhales and exhales stilling as he cosies himself on his mattress, work clothes still clinging to his skin, wings still snug around his small frame.
His eyes, heavy with something more than exhaustion, clamp shut. Still wet at the corners, leaving a damp film on his lashes as he squeezes his lids tight. Falling into the first slumber of many yet to come with an empty hole in his chest, made specifically for something a devil should never want.
+1
The morning is worse. His sleep seemed to have sped up what felt like Angel’s last connection with Aki. Whether apart, he was still there. Somewhere.
He’s sure the sun is still shining outside his accommodation. Beyond the stone walls, and through the locked up doors, the world is still carrying on as usual. They won’t know about the stolen hours, donated months, all for a devil to stay alive with him.
How was last night? He wonders. What did his unconventional family do in his last moments? Aki has mentioned previously that Power and Denji often insist in sleeping in the same bed. He pictures the three cuddled up on a single futon, sharing Aki’s space, his heat, his presence. He wonders if they felt the moment his heart stopped beating. The moment his breath wavered a little bit too much, shakily exhaling and then… nothing.
Or whether they chose to ignore the inescapable fate. Live in the moment. With a simple cooked meal, homemade by Aki’s expertise Angel wishes so bad to have experienced.
At least he has the comfort of knowing he won’t be experiencing this loss by himself. He should even consider himself lucky, he’s sure Power and Denji will be struggling much harder than he is.
A knock at the door pulls him from his thoughts.
Angel doesn’t get the privacy of deciding to let them in, ask who it is. The knock is more of a warning of someone is going to enter within five seconds.
Kobeni steps in. Timid as always.
Angel quirks his head. She can’t be his new partner, she already has one.
“I was … told to um escort you out,” she peeps. “Makima’s orders.”
What happened to his day off?
“Escort me where?” He asks, knowing the destination doesn’t matter, he won’t have a choice either way.
Kobeni shrugs, bringing a finger up to her mouth to bite on a nail. “She didn’t say.”
Angel hums. It’s probably to his new partner. Or maybe he’s being moved to a different accommodation. That wouldn’t be hard to do, Angel has no possessions to pack. He lets out a deep sigh and forces his body to move, ignoring the crust forming in the corners of his eyes. He wipes them, not letting the pit in his stomach grow any larger than it already is.
The two walk to a public safety car, Kobeni hopping in the drivers seat.
“I thought you said you didn’t know where we’re going?” Angel questions.
Kobeni fumbles with the keys in the ignition. “I know where we’re going but not.. not why. Sorry I should’ve said that earlier –”
“It’s fine, don’t worry,” Angel can smell the fear on the girl. He knows she’s naturally anxious, but it doesn’t help his guilt. Knowing people are innately afraid of him.
It’s a short drive. An awkward one at that. Angel learns it’s also Kobeni’s day off but she got dragged into doing this favour. Angel mostly hums as a response. He tries to question as to why he’s being taken somewhere, but she panics and apologises every time, claiming she just wanted to get out of Makima’s office as quick as possible so she didn’t ask.
Angel doesn’t hold her against it.
The car pulls up to what seems to be an apartment building, towering and overlooking the populated city.
“Do you think my new partner lives here?” He asks, not quite ready to leave the car. Anything to delay what could potentially be an unsolicited work day.
“M-maybe,” Kobeni glances at the building. “This is where Denji and Power live, so maybe they’ve been assigned another flatmate? To look after them like … um … Aki did.”
Angel doesn’t reply. The idea of Makima moving on so quickly fills his tongue with something putrid. Already replacing Aki, and forcing that upon Denji and Power.
Kobeni coughs, breaking the silence. “She also said I have to wait here, I-I’ll double check the apartment number for you … ” She trails off.
Angel’s surprised he’s even allowed in the building, looking the way he does. But nonetheless he reaches the elevator. Repeating the number in his head over and over. Trying not to overthink too hard. But the lack of information is eerie.
Denji and Power live here. He thinks. The elevator dinging at each stop.
Oh god. He isn’t being made to export Aki’s body is he?!
That putrid flavour sours. A small gag crawls up his throat. A craving he once had for such things, seem repulsive right now.
The doors open swiftly at the right floor. Converse stepping onto the ground. Wings squeezed tight to fit through.
There’s an uncomfortable presence in the air, like he’s waiting for something to happen. Something should’ve happened, a disruption in the natural order. The air is heavy in his nose, and thick in his lungs.
He reaches the door, a delicate hand knocks once. Twice.
Any movement behind the door stops. Shuffling stills, voices pause for a moment.
He goes to knock again.
As his hand edges closer to the door, it swings open.
“Denji?” Angel’s voice came out higher than it intend to.
The chainsaw boy grins, sharp, pointed teeth piercing the air. “Wow you were quick! Makima said you’d be dropping by.”
“Denji what’s going on?” He questions, eyes following a plump cat that comes into view.
Denji’s eyes squint, mouth now downturned. “She didn’t tell you?”
He shakes his head. Impatience growing with every second.
“Follow me!” He announces, skipping through the apartment after the door is closed behind Angel.
A fresh scent of seasoning and real food filters throughout the air, along with the recognisable scent of Denji, of course.
Power too, chasing after her cat. Seemingly called meowy as she calls after it.
And-
Aki?
His senses, at first deceive him. Of course the place smells like him. He used to live here.
But now, Angel’s eyes shoot open. Mouth dropping slightly, his devil heart skipping a beat at the figure now in front of him.
Aki. In the kitchen of his apartment. Aki breathing, cooking, and still alive.
“What’s going on? How- ” Angel’s words are cut off with an embrace, long arms pulling him into a muscular chest. Aki’s scent drowning him.
A week ago, he’d push away. Say he’s being reckless, speeding up his death. Suicidal even.
But after accepting that this wouldn’t even be possible ever again, Angel finds himself clinging back to the man. Pressing his cheek closer into his chest, fingers gripping his jumper.
It’s all so similar, back when the typhoon devil almost wiped Angel out. Angel’s second hug ever only occurring because of the threat of death. Both with Aki. Both he needed so terribly.
“How?” Is all he can ask. He didn’t calculate it wrong, his lifespan, it’s not quite something you actually count. It’s more of a feeling, you just know. Like you know how to breath, blink, it’s automatic.
“I don’t know,” Aki answers back. His voice muffled as Angel presses harder at his chest, his heart thumping in his ear.
“We woke up and he was making breakfast!” Power yells from the couch, Denji joining in.
“We fell asleep, accidentally, we planned to stay awake but we were too tired,” He speaks, hands moving expressively, “And then we woke up to smell of pancakes! I thought I was dreaming until Power woke up too.”
Aki pulls back, his hair is down from his usual style and instead frames his face as the black strands hang loosely. Messily, but fitting. Angel stares.
“We were… wondering if it was something to do with your power. Maybe you siphoned less –”
Angel shakes his head profusely, “Not possible. I know what I felt.”
“He refused to wake us up incase he died like a second later…” Denji huffs, “But it’s been hours since then.”
Hours?
Angel searches Aki’s face, taking it all in. Until he’s staring at Aki’s right eye.
“Did you ask the future devil?” He asks.
Aki looks to the floor, “He’s not there anymore,” he begins, returning his face back to Angels. “It’s like all my contracts are gone.”
Angel’s eyebrows scrunch together, “It’s like you’re supposed to be … gone. But you’re not.”
There’s something not right. Not wrong necessarily. Just as if this wasn’t how things were supposed to go. A slip up, an accident. Luck.
Denji groans, “Ugh I just wanna stay here! But miss Makima said she needs to speak to me and Power. Something about the scaredy cat girl picking us up,” he pouts, “What if Aki isn’t here when I get back? This isn’t fair!”
“It’ll be fine Denji, if I was meant to die I would be dead already,” Aki reassures.
Chainsaw and the blood fiend, unwillingly, exit the apartment. Leaving Angel to continue his staring.
“You didn’t make a contract did you?”
Aki laughs, “I wish, that way I’d know why this is happening.”
Ugh. Angel’s heart twists, he was convinced he’d never be able to hear him laugh again. Even argue with him, telling him he’s worthless or something. Angel would’ve done anything to have it back.
But it turns out he didn’t need to do anything.
“Did Makima want you back at a certain time?” Aki asks, returning back to his cooking. Something new to Angel, leftover ingredients from whatever Denji and Power wolfed down.
Angel hums, “She didn’t say.”
Aki switches the stove off, filling up two plates. “Then stay.”
The two sit by the table, eating Aki’s delicious home cooked meal. Aki apologises for not having any ice cream, but Angel thinks he’s found a new craving.
Angel’s eyes flicker up to Aki, taking a sip of his coffee. “I suppose now, you can go on that vacation you wanted.”
What’s something you’ve always wanted to do? A literal day ago, he asked that. Yet Angel could’ve sworn it was lifetimes.
Aki ponders, an eyebrow quirking, lip jutting.
“I suppose you’re right,” He says. “I’m not sure where I’d even go.”
The countryside. With me. Angel thinks.
“I think the idea of a vacation sounds better than actually going on one,” Aki states, swirling the coffee in his cup before taking a second tip. “I’d have to take Denji and Power with me, but that would defeat the whole point of going on vacation.”
“Are you … returning to work?” Angel hesitates. Any decision would be the right one. Work nearly killed him, but without it he wonders if Aki would be unsatisfied.
“Soon, yes, I still want to hunt the gun devil,” Aki replies unsurprisingly, “That means you’ll get a couple more days off until I return.”
Angel’s heart pangs again. His partner has been returned to him. Something has fallen into the wrong place in this universe, yet it seems to fit and belong so perfectly it disrupts no order. Angel still hates work, but maybe a little less with Aki by his side. The world did keep turning even for an unlucky devil. Like when you think you mess up a painting, you go to cover it but realise … something about it feels more complete this way. Unplanned but not unwelcome.
“What about you and your wish? If you didn’t have your power?” Aki brings his attention back to him.
Angel’s cheeks flush at the question, “You mean, finding someone to sleep with?”
“Well if I’m completing my bucket list, I don’t see why you shouldn’t either,” He replies.
“I told you, I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Angel repeats the same words uttered the day before.
Aki can’t find where to land his eyes. He busies himself with clearing the finished dishes. And heading back to the kitchen, his voice echoing after him. “What if there was a way to be safe?”
Angel has to laugh, “The only way that would be possible is if there’s no contact.”
Aki returns, standing above Angel. The same dark strands shaping his sharp jaw.
“Like through clothes?” He asks, although Angel would argue it sounded more like a suggestion. An offer. His skin feels warm under his gaze, and he can sense he’s turning redder by the second.
Aki sits beside him, reaching over the table to grab his coffee. Angel stills, the closeness and warmth from Aki engulfing him.
“Yes… through clothes,” His voice a whisper now. “It’s safe through fabric.”
Aki watches him, eyes lingering on his bed head, his uniform he never changed from, ruffled wings. A hand moves to hover over them.
“Can I?” He asks, “Your wings don’t take lifespan do they?”
Angel shakes his head, and as a response spreads out a wing behind the two of them. Aki turning slightly to take it all in. At first he simply stares, eyes glued to the white feathers and the shine glistening on them from the incoming sun.
Eventually, he moves his hand and threads his fingers through the feathers. Feeling the softness around them, pinching and caressing the small hairs on each feather. His wing twitches at the touch.
“Sorry, does it hurt?” Aki asks, calm and apologetic. Gentle even.
Angel shakes his head, “No don’t worry, I’m just … not used to someone touching them..”
Aki’s hand reaches further towards Angel’s back, still keeping his distance and staying on the feathers. But Angel can feel the presence from behind.
“Does it feel nice?” Aki asks.
Angel lets out an unwanted sigh, soft but definitely noticed. His cheeks grow hotter. “Yeah, it does,” he replies shamelessly.
“I was thinking about this last night,” Aki speaks, “All the things I should’ve done.”
He keeps grooming, nails trailing between the feathers, untangling a few and smoothing them down. Angel swallows back a whine.
“And I realised how much I wanted to do this. Feel a part of you without consequence,” He continues, voice lowering. “And when you said you also wanted to experience touch, I just kept thinking about how easy it would be to offer as much as I could.”
Angel’s eyes fall shut, “Why didn’t you?”
“Scared,” He answers, honest.
“Of dying?”
Aki shakes his head, hair caressing his face. “Of wanting more.”
Angel shivers, but something in him comes back to reality. “It’s too dangerous Aki.”
The hand on his wings stop moving, and is pulled away. Silence now returning, and the two refuse to look at one another. He pulls his wing closer to his own body, shielding and nurturing.
If it meant Aki would stay alive, Angel would keep his distance forever. Ignoring the heartache and disgusting desire.
His heart sinks as he hears Aki shuffle to his feet, and footsteps sounding further and further away, isolating Angel in the living room.
Sounds of rummaging, shelves clattering, drawers opening and closing, all appear from Aki’s room. Perhaps he’s searching for his phone, ready to call for a car to escort Angel back to where he belongs. But from the corner of his eye, a landline protrudes from the wall. This doesn’t make any sense, what is Aki doing?
He’s usually upfront, no hesitation to tell Angel to stop eating, or to get back to work, or to stop being so lazy. His mind is hazy, legs full of nerves as he stands to his feet.
The racket continues as Angel walks down the hall, peering inside the room.
“Do you want me to go?” He asks. His presence is usually never welcome, he should’ve expected this. It’s a divide in nature, an instinct he never should’ve chose to ignore. Or rather expect Aki to.
Aki whips around, something in his hand. He steps closer, and closer. Until the two are basically sharing the space in the doorway. Aki’s hand shuffles and-
Gloves.
He slips on a pair of leather gloves, the same pair he’d occasionally wear on missions. And once when he moved a strand away from Angels face, the beginning of many unexpected and unnecessary touches. Never unwanted though.
“Would these help?” He asks, hands encased in the leather. Angel stares.
It’s safe through fabric. And Aki is virtually covered head to toe.
Angel allows himself to nod, delicate and slow.
Aki’s hands travel to Angels waist, large on his thin body, and insulating the unnatural amount of heat Angel is suddenly feeling. Angel returns the favour, hands slipping up his chest and resting there. The deep thumping of his heart patting against Angel’s palms. Present and quick, even through the layers of his skin and bones and fabric.
The two breath in tandem, Angel has never been held for this long. With such gentleness and adoration either.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” He orders, though his voice is breathy and soft, so much for being assertive.
“I’ll try,” Aki smirks, pulling Angel closer. Hips press together, parts of Angel’s body grinding against another, parts he swore only his hands would be able to satisfy.
Angel whines at the pressure, head falling against Aki’s chest and he pulls and shifts their crotches together.
“Is this okay?” Aki asks, low and hot against the crown of Angel’s head.
Angel nods profusely again, followed by a small sigh and a harsher grip from his nails clinging to Aki.
He feels himself be moved, and suddenly his back is gently placed against the wall, he shifts his head to lean back also. Staring directly at Aki, with the same half lidded eyes Angel knows he too, has.
A gloved hand moves from its place on Angel’s waist and cups his cheek. He rests his head with the weight of his frazzled body, lingering in the touch before he gasps once more. A firm pressure presses against his crotch, as he feels a deep heat pool between his thighs. Hardening and begging for more.
“Is this the real reason you bought the gloves?” He tries to joke, eyes fluttering as a soft thumb begins to caress his cheekbone.
Aki scoffs, “Maybe, fuck.”
The growl awakens something in Angel, it’s a side of Aki he never thought he’d see. Experience. In fact, he never thought he’d be the one causing this reaction. He’s allowed his mind to wonder off before, in dark, empty nights in his accommodation, a hand between his legs as he tries to make his worthless life feel … something. Exhilaration perhaps, the art of wanting something you can’t have.
He too wonders, if Aki had ever thought the same.
“Have you… have you ever … “ Angel’s interrupted by a whine. His own for that matter, a knee is pressed between his thighs and grinds upwards. Creating a pattern, and rubbing against Angel’s untouched hard length. “… thought about this before?”
Angel grinds down, deciding he needs to take some control in the matter. The motion evokes another groan from Aki, the two using each other to grind and hump, getting each other off in such an animalistic way. A shiver passes through both of them.
“Yeah,” Aki admits, “A lot.”
“Tell me,” Angel begs, no longer caring how high his voice gets. How desperate his breaths are. Angel is pressed harder against the wall, and he offers a soft moan.
“Fuck,” Aki breaths, “I… I think about how beautiful you are Angel…”
His name on his mouth, the way it’s said in such a vulgar yet possessive manner makes him squirm. The room filled with heavy, tangled breaths, and the rustle of fabric on fabric.
“What else?” He whines, sweat pooling down his lower back. Hair sticking to his face.
They both grind harder, both forward into a clash of pleasure. Mingling moans.
“I think about … how much I want to kiss you … “ Aki confesses. Pressing up as close as he can, Angel’s length throbs at the friction and he shivers on command. “How good you’d look beneath me…”
Angel’s eyes water, and the hand on his cheek forces him to look up. Meeting a hungry gaze. Angel twitches, feathers spasm against the wall.
He tries to swallow back a moan, but the leather tips of Aki’s gloves brush past his lips. Soft, but intruding. Angel lets the thumb pull his bottom lip down, and gasps through the waves of pleasure. A constant build up, flowing deep within his core and down between his legs. A cycle. Hotter and hotter.
“Aki… I’m-” Angel shudders, releasing what’s in him, finishing with no contact, grinding through the sensation. He feels his work pants get sticky, a mixture of his own and, evidently Aki.
Aki goes still as he finishes, coming undone in Angel’s hold. The tangle of legs intertwining heat and moisture, riding through the aftershocks for both. Physically and mentally.
Angel has just fucked a human, with clothes on.
Uneven breathes fill Aki’s room, the door still slightly open. Something neither had realised nor cared about.
Angel speaks first, “I didn’t want that to end so quickly.”
Aki huffs out a lazy laugh, still catching his breath. “Did you like it?”
Angel peers his head up, witnessing Aki looking somewhat insecure for once. He fixes that. “I loved it.”
Three simple words couldn’t express how much Angel truly loved what they had just done. He’s never felt so close to Aki before, even through the clothes it was perfect. Breathing him in, hearing him say his name in such a fucked out state. It’s better than anything he could have ever imagined.
Aki smiles at the reassurance, “I’ll get you some clean clothes.”
Before Aki can make it far, Angel grabs his wrist. “Wait.”
The dark strands of hair fall to the side as Aki cocks his head in confusion. Angel pulls his gloved hand up and rather awkwardly presses it towards Aki’s face. The confusion strengths in his expression, but he lets Angel do as he pleases.
Aki, seemingly covering his own mouth with his hand, muffles something under it. But Angel doesn’t hear, instead he stands as tall as he can and leans forward. Inching his own lips to the back of Aki’s gloved hand. Mere millimetres away from kissing him, but also millimetres away from killing him.
Angel’s eyes flutter shut at the non-kiss, Aki’s wide with realisation. When he pulls back, there’s a sadness there. More close to pity, but the pink tint on his cheeks make it worth it.
Angel pulls the hand back with him, blinking through his lashes as his looks back up to the other man.
Obviously, neither of them felt anything through the kiss. Other than the pump of Aki’s blood in his veins, the not so plump skin of his hand. But Angel didn’t mind. It’s more than he’s ever been offered before.
“I promise, Angel, I’ll find a way we can touch. You deserve to experience it,” Aki’s voice comes a few seconds later, the sadness returning to his eyes.
“My life was never meant to be easy, I think I’m supposed to live like this,” Angel’s dilemma’s should be no one’s problems but his own. He is a devil of course, a being from hell has no place to enjoy a human life.
“It wouldn’t be just for you,” Aki points out, “I meant what I said. How much I want to kiss you.”
Angel’s eyes divert to the floor, his curse always a burden even in such beautiful moments. “That’s impossible.”
Aki hums, “We both thought it would be impossible for me to live longer than two years right?”
Angel pauses. A reminder of why he’s actually here in the first place. Here with Aki Hayakawa. A dead man walking. It should be impossible, yet why is he standing here looking flushed and gorgeous before Angel?
He continues, “So I’m sure we can find away.”
Angel suddenly feels a new emotion.
Hope. Optimism.
“Is that what you want?” Angel asks, curious and needy. Because, he wants. He wants this so badly.
Aki’s hands return at Angel’s sides, a warm expression. No more sadness, dread or fear in his eyes. “It’s the only thing I’ve wanted in a long time.”