Chapter Text
The rustle of loose papers and a stack of books came crashing down from someone else’s hands onto the tiled floor, the echoing clatter drawing everyone’s attention.
A quiet curse slipped from the culprit’s lips, making several people roll their eyes in irritation.
And in Chewon’s head, only one word flashed:
Again
Kim Chaewon - a young university student enrolled at a respectable college in Korea, had, once more, found herself witnessing yet another failure of one walking disaster.
Nakamura Kazuha.
Well, not just her. Standing nearby were her close friends and acquaintances, who turned toward the loud noise with equal parts surprise and confusion as it rang through the campus hallway.
«Looks like she needs help?» - Sakura’s voice caught the attention of a few people.
«That’s Kazuha, - Yunjin said, glancing at the girl hurriedly gathering the fallen papers from the floor, - what, haven’t you seen her at our university’s performances?»
A strange question, not everyone was obligated to know her. And honestly, Chewon would have preferred exactly that version of reality.
At her friend’s words, Sakura scoffed, while Eunchae, watching the whole scene unfold, laughed and said something to Yunjin under her breath.
«Not worth wasting time on»
Maybe Chewon’s words would’ve sounded less sharp in a different situation. Though, even that wasn’t certain.
Oh yes, she had a lot to say.
«Chaewon, - Sakura shot her a look before glancing back at Kazuha, - that was too harsh»
«And you’re so sure?» - Yunjin’s piercing laugh made Eunchae smile.
Chaewon’s gaze landed on a student who had approached Kazuha, apparently deciding to help the unfamiliar girl. It looked like some kind of conversation even started, one that only stirred irritation in Chaewon.
«Don’t think about it. Just another nerd»
Sakura didn’t bother trying to talk Chaewon out of it, Yunjin’s jokes and comments had already stolen her attention.
From there, the group gradually drifted to entirely different things. Something about an upcoming party one of their classmates was throwing, whatever.
The girl who’d dropped her books was quickly forgotten.
By everyone else.
Not by Chaewon.
God, she’d be more than happy not to pay this… loser even the slightest attention. If only...
But no. It was the exact opposite. It wasn’t that they didn’t get along. No. Not at all.
It was just… more complicated.
Nakamura Kazuha. How often that name appeared on honor boards and echoed through rehearsal halls. And yet how rarely you’d see her outside some quiet corner, lost in herself.
Maybe it was jealousy on Chaewon’s part, how else could Kazuha’s picture-perfect success be explained?
A good girl
Fuck. This had been going on for about two weeks now, and every time, Chaewon hated that nerd more and more.
But she hated herself even more.
For all twenty years of her life, she’d been almost certain she liked guys. Sure, there’d been a couple of moments back in school when she’d felt some interest in her female classmates, but nothing beyond that.
No, of course not. She’d had plenty of relationships. All of her ex-boyfriends, while assholes, had still given her some kind of experience.
Including the experience of recognizing attraction toward men.
And now…
Now she was fucking staring, nonstop, at this awkward, painfully clumsy, and very attractive nerd.
Attractive. That didn’t sound right.
Kazuha did great academically: her individual projects were often held up as examples, and professors treated her with clear respect.
As far as Chaewon knew, she didn’t have many close friends, but it wasn’t like she lacked attention. Especially from the opposite sex.
Her natural shyness and politeness drew people in, yet she still preferred being alone.
No one would tell you that between classes, she grabbed hot coffee and read alone in the library, or that after university she went to ballet lessons and the gym.
No one would tell you that along with that narrow waist, Kazuha also had a defined core, a toned figure, and strong muscles.
Chaewon would.
And it didn’t matter how she knew.
For five minutes now, Chaewon had been standing by her locker in an empty hallway, chewing sweet gum. A phone notification had completely absorbed her attention; as she opened the message, she leaned her shoulder against the metal door, typing out a reply as she read.
Her eyebrow lifted in dry disbelief at what she saw on the screen: her ex, out of nowhere, begging to see her, apologizing, asking for another chance.
And maybe Chaewon did spend a couple minutes considering a positive reply. After all, she was currently single and wouldn’t mind starting something new.
With a guy.
If not for...
A heavy book hit the floor with a loud thud, making Chaewon flinch. She nearly dropped her phone screen-first, staring blankly at the figure now standing practically in front of her.
The figure of...Nakamura Kazuha.
Fuck.
Kazuha’s usual wardrobe was worn, loose jeans and some simple top that barely hugged her frame.
Zero taste.
But today, for some reason, the nerd had decided to stand out: a white shirt and black vest fit her perfectly, while classic black trousers emphasized her long, slender legs.
Chaewon’s gaze slipped down involuntarily.
To her ass.
Of course, with her signature grace, Kazuha bent down to pick up the fallen books - opening up a perfect view.
For Chaewon.
Somehow, her thoughts drifted off into a different world entirely. The question surfaced on its own: what must it be like to have a body like that?
I mean, it’s normal to envy someone else’s shape, normal to admire it, maybe even want one just like it…
To have it.
Only when the girl straightened up, books gathered and clothes adjusted, did Chaewon snap back to reality, tearing herself away from the view.
Her face flushed from the intrusive thoughts. It took her a second to realize she’d been given an awkward, almost embarrassed, look.
Of course. How could an outfit like that be complete without professor-style black-rimmed glasses?
Chaewon could only follow the tall figure with her eyes as she walked away, completely forgetting about the message she’d been replying to.
That nerd was definitely going to drive her insane.
Chaewon had never thought she’d end up staring at the ass of a girl who genuinely annoyed her. Seriously, that whole scene with the dropped books had shaken her up so much that now, for several minutes straight, she’d been sitting at a wooden desk, cheek propped against her hand, replaying it over and over in her head.
Honestly, though.
A great ass, if she was being truthful.
Usually, Chaewon liked looking at guys’ biceps, maybe even touching them. But she’d never once thought she might want to feel a girl’s muscles.
The thought made her grip her pen nervously, nearly snapping it in half. Trying to distract herself, she scanned the classroom, her gaze lingering on different students: guys and girls alike.
The lecture was well underway; the professor was explaining a new topic while a presentation glowed on the screen.
And maybe Chaewon should’ve been focusing on the upcoming practicals and finals…
But apparently, not today.
Studying people’s physical features seemed far more interesting than listening to the material.
«Chaewon-ah, -;a nudge to her elbow followed by Yunjin’s drawn-out whisper pulled her out of her thoughts, - how about coffee after class, huh?»
Looking into those big, puppy-like eyes made it impossible to say no.
And an extra boost of caffeine definitely wouldn’t hurt.
«Of course, Yunjin, - Chaewon replied with a knowing smile, shooting her friend a sly look, - but you’re paying»
«Hey! - Yunjin hissed sharply, so loud the professor almost could’ve heard, - I paid last week!»
The giggle that followed eased Chaewon’s mind a little, and the problem known as the annoying nerd named Kazuha no longer felt quite so catastrophic.
...
The taste of coffee settled pleasantly on her tongue: the sweet hint of cream calmed her, letting her forget, for a moment, the headache caused by that annoying nerd.
And her ex, who kept messaging her even after she’d refused to meet.
No, she wasn’t some fickle girl who lived for parties and changing boyfriends like gloves.
Her boundless love for her little dog, Shiro, was her strongest anchor. She wasn’t a regular partygoer, only occasionally would she go out with Yunjin, sometimes bringing Eunchae along.
It was just… she’d never suffered from a lack of attention. Her sociability and openness drew people in.
Her slender, feminine figure could charm guys, and her cute looks and shy laugh only added to the effect.
And, to some extent, she was proud of herself. Femininity, flirting, knowing how to present herself, she had it down. Her style.
Except for two things: envy and jealousy.
Definitely not something to be proud of. Chaewon couldn’t say she was a bitch or anything like that, just…
At the very sight of Kazuha, something stirred inside her, pushing her toward doing something… foolish.
What exactly? Chaewon had no idea.
Maybe it was the student standing next to Kazuha who was the real culprit. Chaewon… didn’t like how animated and sweetly they were talking.
Kazuha’s laugh, her smile: awkward, yet somehow endearing, made Chaewon avert her gaze in irritation when she saw the girl wrap her arms around Kazuha’s waist while talking.
Her lips and shoulders tensed, one leg tapping impatiently under the table.
It was unbearable. The only relief came from Yunjin, who chatted beside her the whole time, while Sakura and Eunchae wandered around the campus.
«You’re really not going to that party? - Yunjin took a sip of her coffee, elbows resting on the table, - unni, I’m disappointed»
«Yunjin, - Chaewon sighed, turning her coffee cup in her hands, - there’ll be too many people… I’m not really feeling it»
Yunjin shot her a skeptical look. The neighboring tables, lively with laughter, made the cafeteria feel even more crowded.
Her eyes kept darting through the chaos, trying to catch sight of that familiar tall, sculpted figure, but each time she forced herself to look away, literally jerking her gaze.
«When have you ever cared?»
Yunjin’s exclamation was far too loud. Chaewon wasn’t a strict introvert, but she couldn’t exactly be called an extrovert either.
Parties, socializing - it was fine, in moderation.
«This…, - Chaewon trailed off, thoughts tangled, - I don’t know yet. Let’s talk about it later?»
After saying that, she took a big sip of coffee and suddenly caught sight of Kazuha in the crowd.
The girl wasn’t leaving her side for even a step. Honestly, it annoyed Chaewon so much that her delicate fingers unconsciously tightened around her cup, eyebrows furrowing.
She had no explanation for her reaction.
And Yunjin seemed to notice.
«Will Sakura and Eunchae go to the party?» - Chaewon hoped the shift in her mood went unnoticed, trying to act casual.
«Uh… no idea, - the younger girl said, staring at her for a moment before asking, - who are you staring at all the time?»
She immediately turned toward the direction Chaewon had been glancing. It wasn’t easy to spot the object of her attention so quickly.
«U-um… it’s just, uh- there are so many people, you know-»
Chaewon’s cheeks betrayed her, turning red, as she tried to catch Yunjin’s attention.
She cut herself off mid-sentence when Yunjin turned fully toward her. Clearly, she didn’t believe a word.
«Chaewon-ah, I know you’re hiding something, - Yunjin said, displeased, scanning the crowd again, - don’t tell me you found a new boyfriend?»
«What? - Chaewon exclaimed, nearly choking on her coffee, - that’s ridiculous, Yunjin!»
«I can see it, you keep looking for someone. Let me guess… he’s Korean?»
«Yunjin!» - Chaewon hissed, frustrated, covering her face with her hands.
How could she explain to her friend that… well, one nerd from Japan, who did ballet, stirred an irritating kind of interest in her?
And really, was it so wrong to just look at someone?
Chaewon cast one last glance at Kazuha, who was listening to the other girl’s chatter, sipping something from a paper cup and offering polite smiles.
Funny how that student most likely had no idea that just a few days ago Kazuha had cut off her long hair. Now her hairstyle resembled a wolf cut and it suited her perfectly.
Maybe she really should go to that party. Just to clear her head.
Time slipped by unnoticed. The exam period was approaching at an alarming speed, but right now, it was far from being a priority.
Engrossed in conversation with some guy, Chaewon slowly sipped her whiskey. The heavy bass of some pop track kept the crowd of young people moving.
The sharp taste of alcohol and the change of scenery did her good, helping her unwind after a rough week.
Lately, she’d been far too tense, because of the upcoming finals and… that nerd.
A couple of times, they’d even run into each other by accident in the cafeteria and the hallway, awkwardly looking away. At least until Kazuha’s sports top and loose pants inevitably dragged Chaewon’s attention right back.
Along with the glasses.
There was something androgynous about her, Chaewon noted, something contradictory, and because of that, magnetic.
A ballerina with a choppy haircut, a shy demeanor, and nerdy glasses, yet a body that stirred far too wide a spectrum of emotions.
«Chaewon-ah, - a familiar loud voice sounded from behind, a hand settling on her shoulder, - Sakura’s not feeling well. She needs your help»
It was Yunjin. At first glance, she looked surprisingly sober, which, given the atmosphere around them, was a rarity.
Technically, cutting into someone else’s conversation like that would count as bad manners. But honestly, Chaewon had already found talking to that guy painfully boring.
It was like he wasn’t listening to her at all, just talking and talking about himself. Annoying.
«Yeah, just a second, - Chaewon said, glancing at the suddenly silent guy and trying to stay polite, - sorry, I’ve gotta go. You get it»
At that moment, Yunjin’s hand tugged at her shoulder, pulling her along.
«Wait! - the guy looked at her pleadingly, - maybe we could exchange numbers? Or, like, meet up somewhere later…»
«She has a boyfriend, dude», - Yunjin cut in without hesitation, shrugging as she dragged her friend away.
As they left, Chaewon thought she heard a curse slip from his lips. She didn’t blame him. She knew perfectly well the effect she had on people.
«God, seriously, how did you not fall asleep next to him? - the younger girl scoffed, steering them aside, - he’s way too clingy»
Chaewon glanced back in his direction, seeing him talking on the phone, ordering another drink at the bar.
«I didn’t want to hurt him»
At her words, Yunjin rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. The posture was unmistakably annoyed.
They were standing in a tucked-away corner with a perfect view of the entire room.
«So, - Chaewon looked around, searching for her friend’s figure, - where’s Sakura? Did you seriously just leave her alone?»
«Oh, she’s fine! - Huh laughed, leaning her back against the wall, - I just couldn’t think of a better excuse to get you away from him»
Surprised? Anyone?
«I don’t like him»
«Yunjin…, - Chaewon rubbed her forehead, a traitorous smile tugging at her lips, - this is so stupid»
«Hey! - the girl bumped her shoulder playfully, - I’ve been really worried about you lately»
Those words made Chaewon press her lips together. Her palms grew sweaty with nerves: she couldn’t admit, even to herself, that she might be interested in girls.
A girl raised in a conservative family, where her parents held traditional views on relationships. What would they say?
No. No, of course she liked guys.
«It’s just finals»
Trying to brush it off, Chaewon turned away, her face heating up.
«Chaewon-ah, - Yunjin clicked her tongue, clearly losing patience, - you know I won’t tell anyone. You can trust me, remember?»
Her insistent gaze felt like it burned straight through her, pushing Chaewon to spill everything she’d been holding inside. Maybe it really would feel lighter afterward.
Not daring to meet her friend’s eyes, Chaewon nervously chewed on her lip, torn by doubt.
After all, Yunjin had spent her entire childhood in America. She probably understood a lot about all this queer stuff and might actually know what to say.
…
«Do you remember… um, - Chaewon exhaled, the words coming out with effort, - Kazuha? That girl who does ballet?»
«Pfft! - the reaction was instant, - of course! She helped me a couple of times with a project I had to turn in»
Relief washed over Chaewon, like a weight slipping off her shoulders, though she wasn’t quite sure why.
«So… you know her?»
«Obviously. She’s really sweet, - Yunjin said, then noticed how quiet Chaewon had gotten, - why? Is that who you keep staring at?»
«Uh- Yunjin! - Chaewon bit her lip, embarrassed, turning her flushed face away, - i-i don’t know. She annoys me»
Yunjin raised an eyebrow in confusion, a silent question written all over her face.
Trying to explain herself, Chaewon added:
«I mean, yeah, she’s annoying. Maybe she’s too clumsy and awkward or something, but…, - she trailed off, searching for the right words, - …on the other hand, it’s like… she’s not that bad»
For the first time since Chaewon had started paying attention to the Japanese girl, she’d actually said it out loud.
At first, Yunjin said nothing, just looked at her in silence. The loud music faded into the background, and the shouts of people stopped mattering.
Expecting a jab or some teasing, Chaewon quickly glanced at her. But the anxiety vanished instantly, there wasn’t even a hint of mockery on Yunjin’s face.
«So, - Yunjin finally said, drawing the word out thoughtfully, - you mean… you like her?»
Chaewon’s cheeks prickled with embarrassment. She couldn’t admit that.
To be fair, she genuinely didn’t know.
«I-I, uh-»
«Okay, - Yunjin cut her off, her expression serious, almost too serious, - have you even talked to her?»
…
Chaewon shook her head, staring straight ahead. A group of students passed by, laughing loudly.
«How can she annoy you if you don’t even, like, know her?»
«I don’t know, Yunjin»
The last words slipped out as an irritated hiss. Chaewon couldn’t make sense of her own feelings, what was she even supposed to be feeling?
«Okay, okay, okay, - Yunjin said, finally seeing how genuinely miserable her friend looked; she placed a calming hand on Chaewon’s shoulder, - I have her number. Maybe you could text her?»
Chaewon looked at her like she was insane. Maybe it made sense logically, but… it still felt stupid. She still couldn’t bring herself to admit her possible bisexuality.
«Like, you could talk, meet up somewhere…»
…
«I’m not doing that»
The response came out harsher than Chaewon intended. Just...sorry, but her? Text first? That nerd?
It took about fifteen minutes of Yunjin’s persuasion and lecturing before an exhausted, irritated Chaewon finally caved.
«Fine. Okay. I get it, - she snapped, clenching her jaw, - I’ll think about it, alright?»
«You’d better text her tomorrow, - Yunjin nodded with exaggerated seriousness, smiling, - just admit it, you’re not into cool guys, you’re into nerdy girls- ow!»
A slap to the shoulder made Yunjin groan in pain, clutching the sore spot.
Chaewon’s ears burned, but she was seriously turning those words over in her head.
Another glass of whiskey definitely wouldn’t hurt.
The apartment was cool and quiet, after the noisy party, it was exactly what she needed.
Her head was full of stupid thoughts, her legs felt weak. Thank God Yunjin had called them a taxi and gotten everyone home. Skipping classes tomorrow was absolutely not an option.
Chaewon closed the apartment door and sat down on the shoe bench in the hallway, staring at nothing. She barely had any strength left.
Her phone lay in her pocket, and the thought of texting that annoying nerd grew more and more intrusive.
In the end, Yunjin had given her Kazuha’s number. Everything was right there, laid out in front of her. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad?
Maybe they could just be friends. Maybe Kazuha wasn’t that irritating.
…
Afraid she’d change her mind, Chaewon abruptly pulled her phone out of her skirt pocket, not even taking off her shoes. She unlocked the screen, typed in the number, and opened a blank chat.
It was… really nerve-wracking. Even scary. The clock read 9:30 p.m. - pretty late to text someone you barely knew.
What if Kazuha ignored her? Honestly, that might be better. It would take the responsibility off Chaewon.
The keyboard lit up on the screen, and her fingers froze. What was she even supposed to write?
A few seconds passed before she gathered all her courage and sent the first message.
Kim Chaewon
(9:37 PM) Hi (unread)
After thinking for a moment about how to phrase it better, she sent another one.
Kim Chaewon
(9:38 PM) This is Chaewon from third year, Yunjin’s friend, if you remember (unread)
Her heart threatened to jump out of her chest. Honestly, she hadn’t felt this anxious in a long time. The last time was probably when she’d broken up with her ex.
She leaned back against the wall behind her, resting the back of her head on it, waiting nervously. One minute passed. Two. Three. No reply.
Eventually, about seven minutes went by, and the checkmarks were still gray - unread.
At first, Chaewon even considered deleting the messages and calling the whole thing a mistake. But then she decided to just… wait.
To distract herself and kill time, she went to take a shower and do her usual nighttime routine.
Maybe by then, there’d be a reply.
She set her phone down on the dresser with the mirror, undressed, and stepped into the shower. The hot water eased the tension in her body, helping her relax.
Her head still buzzed a little, but she hadn’t drunk too much. Maybe if she were sober, she wouldn’t have dared to text at all.
Some time passed. Wrapping a towel around herself, hair still wet, Chaewon came out of the bathroom and glanced at her phone.
The question arose: check it now, or wait a bit longer? The nerves were there, but curiosity won.
She was shocked to see the messages had been read.
And more importantly - there was a reply.
Unknown Number
Hi (10:02 PM)
Yes, I remember you (10:02 PM)
Short. To the point. It clearly called for a continuation. And what other reply was there, really?
Feeling bolder, Chaewon immediately started typing.
Kim Chaewon
Great (10:11 PM)
I have a request (10:11 PM)
Could we meet tomorrow? (10:12 PM)
She expected the messages to stay unread for a while. But thankfully, the checkmarks turned blue almost instantly.
Still, the reply didn’t come right away. First, silence - enough to make Chaewon anxious. Then the “typing…” indicator appeared, sparking hope.
And then - silence again. No answer.
Honestly, Chaewon started thinking this had all been a mistake, that she might get blocked any second.
She really didn’t want that.
Then-
Unknown Number
Okay (10:14 PM)
Where and what time? (10:14 PM)
A pleased smile spread across Chaewon’s face and that annoyed her. She shouldn’t be reacting like this.
Kim Chaewon
I’ve seen you in the library a lot, maybe there? (10:15 PM)
If that works for you (10:15 PM)
I only have two classes tomorrow (10:16 PM)
We could meet after one PM (10:16 PM)
She waited patiently for the reply, which took its time just like before.
And finally, it came.
Unknown Number
Yes, the library works for me (10:17 PM)
Should we meet by the window, at the very back of the hall? (10:17 PM)
Kim Chaewon
I’m fine with that (10:18 PM)
Unknown Number
Deal (10:18 PM)
See you tomorrow :-D (10:18 PM)
Right after that, Kazuha went offline.
Chaewon couldn’t stop herself from smiling when she saw the emoticon at the end of the message. She really needed to go to sleep.
Kim Chaewon
Good night (10:19 PM)