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Reki’s hand gripped the cold metal rectangle sharply, ignoring how it sliced into his thumb. He deserved it, he deserved everything that could harm him. Salty tears welted in his eyes, fuck. Why was he crying? He deserved it.
The redhead hastily wiped his tears with his unoccupied hand, he was in his dirty room. His knees on the floor and surrounded by discarded clothes he tossed on the ground. What a filthy mess. Bloody tissues were among the clothing too, some a dark brown and others a blazing crimson.
The metallic smell clung to his nose, making Reki light-headed. He gripped the blade with all he can do and pressed it to an open spot on his wrist. Bracing himself to slide it, he takes a shaky breath and slice.
His mind flashed white, he let out a gasp and groaned. Reki hated pain, but he deserved it. For not being good enough, slice. For losing that beef against Adam, slice. For being jealous of Langa, slice. He hated himself. His tanned shaky fingers, his raised scars that caught unwanted attention, his blazing red hair that reminded him of scarlet blood.
He hated everything. Reki’s sobs got louder, he tried to not make too much sound but he couldn’t control it. His phone buzzed, Reki swallowed shakily and grabbed his phone. Blood smearing on it from his thumb, fuck. He had stupidly forgotten, another reason to punish himself. Reki could barely make out Langa’s message.
“Hey, I’m waiting out your window right now. Are we still going to S?”
Fuck. He was so fucked. Reki gripped his hair and pulled. He was so stupid so, so stupid! Reki tried to muffle his cries and curled into a ball. His wrist was gushing out blood onto the ground, but Reki didn’t care. He only cared if Langa saw. Then he would have to stop, he knew he would have to stop someday but.. he didn’t want to.
His old friend had caught him a few years ago, exactly like Langa. He pushed Reki to stop his unhealthy mechanism. The thought laid sourly in his mind, Reki grimaced as he felt his phone buzz once again.
“Reki? Are you okay? Why aren’t you answering..”
Reki threw his phone across the room, his heart beating and blood pouring. He half-heartedly threw on his discarded hoodie and pressed his sleeve into his cuts. Pain shot through his arm, but he needed the bleeding to stop. Of course it didn’t, the blood just seeped through his hoodie. Leaving a dark patch on his wrist area.
He could hear knocking on his window, thankfully it was locked. He absolutely didn’t want Langa to see this. To see how pathetic Reki truly was. He sobbed more, his tears seeped into his cuts which stung even more. The bangs got more frequent, his phone starting ringing. It was Langa. Fuck, he was genuinely fucked. Reki thought about the easy way out, but then again it was too cruel to kill himself when Langa was right outside his house. He wouldn’t want Langa to find his body.
Suddenly, he heard his window slam open. What. The. Fuck. Reki whipped around to see a very alarmed and disheveled Langa. Langa’s eyes widened, staring directly at the bloody patch of Reki’s hoodie. Then, slowly looking around his room. At the bloody tissues. He looked like he was gonna be sick. Reki’s tears had not stopped flowing, he tried to hide his wrist but failed miserably.
“R-.. Reki?.. Why.. What happened..?” Langa’s face crumbled, his eyes watering and his lips quivering. Langa reached out to Reki like he was a wild animal, slow movements and calculated words.
“Oh Reki.. Can I touch you..?” Langa gently said, his hands hovering around the redheads body. Reki shakily nodded, not trusting his voice to break down into loud sobs and alert the entire house.
Langa pulled Reki into a hug, carefully avoiding Reki’s slashed wrist. Langa’s hand circled Reki’s back, trying to sooth him. To calm him down.
“You’re okay Reki, your okay. Just listen to my breathing, okay? You’re fine, you’re okay.” Langa continued to run his hand against Reki’s back, the redhead sobbing into Langa’s shoulder. Langa didn’t mind, he just wanted his best-friend to be okay.
Langa’s eyes spotted something among the heap of clothes, shining in the moonlight. Sliver..? Whatever, he just wants Reki to clam down.. Reki’s breathing slowly but surely calmed down, slowly matching Langa’s breathing.
“I-I’m sorry Langa.. I’m sorry I’m sorry.” Reki forced out, his voice scratchy and rough. Clinging onto Langa like he would disappear in any moment, Langa’s did the same.
“Oh Reki, don’t apologize.. you don’t need to apologize. Just-.. what happened?” Langa pulled away, looking into Reki’s eyes with a frown.
This wasn’t supposed to happen, this was never supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to find out, he wasn’t supposed to see. Reki’s eyes flickered to the ground, “I-I.. I don’t know.”
Langa sighed, “Please let me help you. I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s happening Reki.. I need to clean you up.” Langa looked at Reki’s wrist, covered in wet crimson blood. His yellow hoodie making it very noticeable, Langa grimaced. He didn’t like blood much, Reki remembered.
“Langa, it’s okay really! I-I can patch myself up just fine. I know you don’t like blood..” Reki tried to smile, but ultimately failed.
“Absolutely not Reki. Let me help you.. you deserve to be helped.” Langa frowned, “Let’s go to the bathroom, surely it will have bandages or something.”
Reki dully nodded, mentally scolding himself for being so stupid and getting caught. He let Langa help himself up, Reki ended up almost tripping on the mountain of clothes. Langa caught him. They made their way to the bathroom, trying to keep a quiet as they can be. The bathroom light flipped on, causing Reki’s eyes to be temporarily blinded. He was used to his dimly lit room.
Langa rummaged under the sink, where the Kyan family usually stored their medical supplies or supplies in general. He soon found rolls of bandages, alcohol wipes, and random old cloths. Just what he needed.
“Okay Reki, we have to wash it.. Do you think you’ll be okay?” Langa hesitantly asked, knowing it’ll sting.
Reki grimaced and nodded, “I mean.. We kinda have to wash it anyway. Right?”
Langa nodded, “Tell me when it gets too much, I mean it Reki.”
Reki didn’t respond, instead turning around and taking off his entire hoodie. Langa had seen him without a shirt before, so it wasn’t a big deal. Some blood had dried and clung to the hoodie, making Reki wince as he pulled it off. Stretching some cuts and making them bleed more. He didn’t really pay attention to his cuts before, too invested in making them. But now Reki was really looking. Some cuts had fat looking out , like eyes watching his every move. Oozing out blood like they were crying. Reki tried to not stare, but jesus was it’s beautiful. He suddenly felt a warm hand on his shoulder.
“Reki? You here?” Langa asked, concern evident on his face. “You zoned out.”
“O-Oh. Yeah I’m.. yeah, let’s just get this over with.” Reki blinked, turning around to face Langa. With his arms evidently visible. Langa’s mouth gaped, his eyes widened and his entire body froze. Reki felt guilty before, but not as much as right now.
“Oh Reki..” Langa breathed out, staring directly at the wild slashes scattered on Reki’s wrist. He took Reki’s wrist and pulled it closer, grimacing. “These might need stitches..”
“What?!” Reki yanked his wrist away, cradling it in his arms. “I-I’m not going to the hospital!” His eyes burned, probably from crying them out moments before.
Langa looked torn, “Reki.. Please just, just let me help you. We don’t have to go to the hospital, not if you don’t want to. But these cuts they’re-.. they’re really deep.”
Reki swallowed the jump in his throat, “I-I don’t wanna talk about this right now.” His voice unnaturally broken, gosh he was so tired.
Langa relentlessly nodded, grabbing an old cloth and running it over water. Reki hesitantly held out his wrist once more, nodding when Langa sent a worrying glance to him. He clenched his teeth as Langa started dabbing on his cuts, not too rough, but enough to get the crusted and new blood off. His gentle hands next to Reki’s mangled arm was weird, looking out of place. Langa avoided the deep cuts, the ones where you could see bulging red covered yellow clumps. Langa didn’t wanna say it but, he felt queasy cleaning one section for too long.
Soon, Langa was finished cleaning the blood. He pulled out some white rectangular wipe, which smelt of some kind of antibacterial stuff. Reki absolutely did not want that to touch his skin.
When Langa met his eyes he shook his head violently, it was like Langa wanted him to shrivel up and burn. Langa sighed but didn’t push, instead grabbing the unused roll of bandages. Langa unwrapped the plastic containing it and started wrapping it around the redheads arm. Most blood had been cleaned, but his new blood bled through the white bandages quickly. Langa wrapped the bandage until the roll had ended, securing it by tucking it in tight. Reki felt like a horror movie mummy.
Langa was washing the bloody cloth, his brows furrowed. Probably thinking about how he hates cleaning up Reki’s mess. He always does that.
“Cmon Reki, let’s find you some cleaner clothes.” Langa said, turning off the sink. He guided Reki to his room and began looking through his closet. Reki stood stiffly behind him, his arm ached.
Langa soon pulled out his purple hoodie, “Do you need help putting it on?”
Reki shook his head, taking it from Langa and barely putting it over his head when his arm shot up in pain. Reki withheld a wince, looking at Langa. Mentally telling him yes intact he does need help.
Langa nodded and carefully guided his left arm through the sleeve, trying to make sure it doesn’t get jumbled and pushed around while doing so. His was hoodie successfully on, now it was time to find non-bled on sweats. It was surprising Langa knew exactly where to look, instantly grabbing a pair of comfy sweats for Reki. The redhead motioned for Langa to turn around, the thought of Langa seeing him in his boxers was weird. Even when they’re so close. He ignored the pain and got the sweats on, tapping Langa’s shoulder.
Langa turned around and pulled Reki into a bone crushing hug. “We’ve got to talk about this, you know.”
Reki nodded, burying his head in the crook of Langa’s neck. “I know.. just not right now.”
Langa reluctantly sighed, rubbing Reki’s back in the same motions as before. “Let’s lay down, it’s pretty late.”
Langa pulled away, grabbing Reki’s hand and guiding him to his unmade bed. Langa shifted the blanket, leaving a space for him and Reki to lay down. It wasn’t unusual for them to have sleepovers, not unusual to sleep in Reki’s bed together. Reki felt comfortable, sliding into his bed and Langa following suite. Covering the blanket on both of them, Langa pushed Reki’s hair behind his ear.
“I care for you Reki. Please don’t do this again.” Langa whispered, concern laced his words.
“I won’t.” Reki replied, pulling Langa closer. “I promise.”
Langa frowned, “Pinky promise?”
“Pinky promise.”
Langa smiled. Silence followed through them, the cold breeze blowing past them as Langa forgot to close Reki’s window. In the back of Reki’s mind, dread filled him. Now they’re going to talk about this incident. He always hated talking about his cutting, it’s always the same bull-crap. But for now, Reki melted in Langa’s arms. Tomorrow’s a problem for his future self.