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Le very cringe fic

Summary:

This is a homage to 14 year old me who shipped the absolute crack-ship that Faust x Mephisto is - sorry, not sorry.
It's a oneshot. Alright now be prepared for the cringe I'm about to spew, buckle your seatbelts and get ready for the vision I had when I was 14 and my brain was full of Yaoi, not that that's a bad thing, but, you see, 14 y o me was NOT picky, fujoshi brain go brr, also this is the first time I write smut, so it's gonna be cringe. Bon Appetit

Also if my english englishn't like it should, it's not my first language, so you have to endure it ;)

No beta we die like rotten girls/boys/enbys.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Henry (as in Heinrich Faust)

"Wake up!" a voice declared, in a harsh tone, it was a command for sure, so I followed suit. A voice that belonged to my tormentor, who had just awoken me out of my dreams using a whip. He stood there leaning casually to the wall that was opposing the very one I was chained to. "Didn't you hear me?" The voice asked, while the man it belonged to squatted down, his hand caressing my cheek, one of his fingers moving to my chin, lifting it up, so I could look into those cold eyes that seemed to stare into my soul, which they probably did, he's the devil himself after all, it wouldn't surprise me if he could indeed read my mind. I looked away, ashamed. "Move." the voice declared anew, and again I followed suit, my legs shaking I tried to stand up, head still looking downwards, I took a few steps, the chain rattling over the floor as if caressing it like my tormentors fingers caressed my cheek just a few moments ago, cold and stiff, the feeling still lingering on my skin. "W-what do you want from me?" I asked, my voice shaking. "What I want from you?" he giggled, not the pleasing sound it should be, but one of that sort that could sends shivers down your spine. "Did you forget?" now his voice sounded almost gentle, yet there was something in his voice, I couldn't quite put a finger on it, but it awoke the desire in me to flee from this place, the chain however did not let me do another step. "I will bind myself here to your service, at your command I want to neither rest nor cease, when we shall meet again on the other side, you shall do the same for me. That sound familiar?" Something in my head clicked and suddenly about a thousand memories flooded my brain leaving me gasping for air, my memories seemed to drown me. I gaged, I suddenly felt so unbearably sick. "Looks like we have to work on you gag reflex" he said, what started as part of a laughter changed into a dark tone of voice - was it seductive? I couldn't tell - and a somewhat suggestive smile.

I woke up in a daze. What a weird dream that was, somehow a part of my brain must have decided that I'm now into BDSM and desperately want to be in a master-slave relationship with the literal devil, it also seems to be obsessed with Goethes Faust lately, what the fuck actually. Guess I must really be sleep deprived, I mean, yeah, for days now I've lived almost exclusively on caffein. My brain also seems to have changed into one giant horny lump, right now it's force feeding me what's supposed to be wet dreams, hoping that might motivate me to sleep. It seemed to have forgotten that I have to study for an exam, that if I pass, will hopefully make everything easier for me and if I don't will crush every last piece of my relatively comfortable life, in other words: I have no choice but to pass the stupid exam. The worst thing is that this exam isn't the only thing that keeps my life - busy, frankly speaking, the exam is plan A as in A (the grade), I also compete in the underground as an illegal boxer for money, that's plan B as in Boxing - unless I die in one of these matches, then It'll be plan C as in cease to exist and plan D as in dead. I yawn as I slip into my shorts, my hand searching for my boxing gloves, eventually finding them to have slipped under my bed.

The arena roars, all these people must really love to see me dead, I don't plan to fulfil this wish, however. I land a relatively good punch, my opponent groans, which motivates me to punch him yet again. Blood stains my gloves, painting them in that awfully beautiful colour that means both victory and loss. My opponent collapses to my feet and I kick him a few more times, the audience loves that, pleasing them will give me more money, I'm but a mere puppet, played by all these masked people who are probably insanely rich, but bored because having loads of money isn't fun, killing people however is, and since they don't want to dirty their porcelain tainted hands, they let us boxers to it for them, bonus points if we get them a little souvenir, like an eye ore something. I hate them, but I need the money. Since fathers death I'm the only one left to support me. I sigh, lift my arms up in the air and let out a primitive roar, It's what the audience wants, I know that. cheers and whistles follow suit - knew they liked that. Than a small part of the audience starts to scream: HEAD. HEAD. HEAD. The referee hands me a knife, in an almost ceremonial gesture, he wants my opponents blood to paint the floor as dozens of other people did before, you might call it a tradition even. The audience screams in anticipation I do as it commands and throw the head into a small pit that formed within, the people roar, a voice in my head screams murder, but the audiences voice is louder. What a good dog I am.

Lu (as in Lucifer)

God - ew - I'm bored. Who knew eternity could be this boring, I mean, yeah, it definitely was boring before I fell into hell, but, like, hell's still hella boring. At least dad doesn't push me around or bitch and moan if I do literally anything at all, or nothing, he seems to dislike both. Hells no fun at all that's for sure, there's one book, ONE, like, yeah, sure that's gonna keep me busy for, wait let me check, an eternity, literally literally. Since I didn't really have any options, I read it, took me longer than I thought it would, 'cause it was written so weirdly, and I still haven't finished it because the old man self insert just grossed me out so much, also there ain't nothing as boring as heterosexuality. I'm more of ooohh-fuck-they're-hot-please-make-a-pact-with-me-so-I-can-kiss-you-pweaty-pwease-osexual, or whatever, I don't really understand why some of the VERY straight fellas down here are so obsessed with their sexuality or others, especially others. See that's one of the topics me and dad have a VERY different opinion on, he's a bit, you know, homophobic, at least that's what I think 'cause why else not make men able to get pregnant. Yes there's a part of the male anatomy that makes for very non straight reactions, if you may, but that is actually my doing. I have to say I'm very proud of my work, dad however was furious, welp, to bad now I'm here - in hell, important information - and queer, but that's probably VERY obvious. The whole favourite son thing was also pretty much a lie, you know how much dad had to pay these people to write that and leave out all the VERY gay details? A lot. Honestly I don't really get the obsession some people have with sexuality or sex or gender, I'm a fucking angel - a fallen one, important distinction - do I look like I care? No, the answer is no, obviously. I don't give a fuck. The worst thing is that in the entirety of hell there is no a single twink, ore otherwise cute guy that is willing to have fun with me, trust me, I looked everywhere, that's literally hell. Wait, I'm in hell, oh fuck, fuuuuuck, this absolute asshole of a father made the entirety of hell heterosexual, seriously?? You know what, I'm done with this place, so done, I'm gonna leave now, why haven't I thought about this earlier?! Like, some thousand years earlier, god - ew - seriously? Just how am I gonna get out, I need a plan- is that a dog? a cat? both? who cares it's guarding the exit, I have to divert its attention away from it "hey, cerberpussy, who's a good boy, fetch" i say as I throw a skull, that should keep this absolute abomination - I don't remember creating that, and why didn't dad throw it onto Australia like all the other ones? I shrug my shoulders, It's not like I cared - of a beast busy. I then expand my wings, and fly out of hell, that was wayyy easier than I thought, let's see if earth is more fun.

Henry

I look a the words, they begin to blur as I become so tired no amount of caffeine could help me stay awake, slowly but surely, my eyes close as I fall asleep. But how come, when I open my eyes I don't see my bedroom but rather- what in hells name is this place? are these chains? and why does it resemble the room from my dream so much? Am I dreaming? I must be, right? something appears to be different however, the man, the devil, he's not here, neither is his whip. What the hell is going on here?!

Lu

Earth is just about as boring as hell, I conclude, I mean, yeah there's loads of cute guys, some of them gay, but they always look at me weirdly, like, my guy, have you never seen an angel - fallen angel, important distinction -  in your live?! and if I ask them out the say something about trip and drugs or whatever and sometimes they even slap me and declare me a maniac, what the hell- no, earth, actually - is going on here?! Why are these people so rude?! Should I freestyle one of these be not afraid lines, isn't that suuuuper outdated? I don't even have a halo that could possibly blind them, there's literally, literally no reason to be scared of me, I think the horns actually look super cute on me too, I even painted hearts on them, 'cause I'm a fuckin' queen, who's hella fashionable, kay? god - ew - what's their problem??- Is that a book? Let's see... no, not again, it's THE book, yikes, why is my vision getting blurry? oof, I'm dizzy...

Is that hell, no, no, please not again, I just fled I don't want to go back- oooh that guy over there is cute- wait aren't the guys in hell super ugly?! I'm not in hell, yes! But.. where am I?? and why's that guy chained up? Who cares, he's hot, so I'm just gonna stand there and enjoy the view.

Henry

I must have fallen asleep again without noticing, because now there's a guy here, he looks vaguely familiar... who is he? and why's he staring at me like he's gonna eat me alive? He does look I have to admit, his body is rather athletic, not bulky, he has just the right amount of muscles to be considered an attractive young man, and his face is pretty, the horns are a bit weird, did he glue them to his head, and why are there hearts on them?? with these wings he kinda looks like that unbearably attractive marble statue of Lucifer...  oh fuck, his face, I know this face, the guy in my dream, thats him! This is Lucifer?! Fuck, he's hot.

Lu

"Hey, handsome, you awake, mind if I enjoy the view a bit longer?" I said, the VERY cute guy looked at me with an expression that was very NOT cute, like he just discovered a maggot in his hair, humans seem to dislike that, I however think they make excellent emergency food. "Who are you?" he then asked, "The devil, obviously", I answered, he then asked if we're in hell to wich I replied "god - ew - no, I don't have a clue where we are, but thank god - ew - we're not in hell.", he then sighed and told me to just shut up if I wasn't gonna be helpful anyway.

Henry

who knew the devil was such an absolute asshole, I mean, yeah he's hot, but his character? talk about shitty. Also so far whatever he said has been absolute unnecessary, and why did he not even bother to unchain me?? Now he's yapping about how thankful he is that he's not actually in hell, and how hell is hell - who would have guessed - and how he hates hell and various other things and I just wish the guy could shut up for a second, so I can think about what the actual hell is happening here. "Hey, you, devil, would you mind shutting up?" I say in a very fake polite voice, the answer to that is a very rude sounding "NO", alright let's try something different then I think and ask: "What about being helpful? Would you mind unchaining me?" "Don't wanna" is the immediate answer, the devil sounds very childish. Is he pouting?? Ok, he is very childish.  I sigh: "God-" "ew" "what? anyways I'm sorry, ok?" I don't really get an answer just a very vague sounding m-noise, that could mean just about anything "Would you, oh glorious Lucifer please unchain the humble human that is I?" and finally this asshole makes himself useful an frees me from these chains. Seems like he can be useful. "Seems like you can do other things than talking too, huh?" I say, and in this moment I realise that I should have better stayed quiet, because now his lips form a smirk that is as provocative as it is suggestive. "I sure can, mind if I demonstrate, my mouth isn't just good for talking, you know?" he says, and a blush is slowly but surely painting my cheeks, I can feel them burning, why does he have to be so annoying but so hot at the same time???

And so that unbearably hot guy kneels down and kisses a point just above my shorts. I feel my blood rushing downwards as his tongue caresses the fabric.

Lu

God - ew - he must be desperate, I barely even started and he's already this hard. I gently move his shorts down his legs, a tiny whimper flees his mouth as the fabric touches his hard dick. I put it in my mouth and start sucking it gently, he moans moving his hips in anticipation, I know he wants me to go faster, so I slow down, gently kissing his tip, then embracing the shaft with my mouth, he moans, then his hands find their way into my hair, clasp it, as if it would give him some support, yet his legs still tremble seemingly barely able to hold his weight, another moan as he pushes my head so I can take all of him in my mouth. The good thing about being an angel - a fallen one, important distinction - is that I don't have a gag reflex, which this guy seems to enjoy a lot, given the fact that he's moving his hips faster and faster, slapping his cock into my mouth, falling into the embrace of my lips, all while whimpering and moaning, oh, so sweetly. I stroke myself and I wish for this moment to continue for ever, I fear however his stamina won't make that possible. His legs are trembling even more, I can feel him twitching in my mouth, his body arching with the approaching orgasm, trying to resist it, and ultimately failing to do so, I can see it crashing down on him, like a wave, burying his lust within the pleasant feeling that follows after releasing the pressure that was built up within his body. I myself am close to cumming, my moans all but muffled sounds, as he shoves his cock into my mouth one last time before he cums and his legs collapse onto the ground, loosing every ounce of their strength entirely. 

Notes:

That's it, I hope its not to cringe, and chaotic...