Chapter Text
minho couldn't pinpoint the exact month or even year when his relationship with his husband changed, if you asked him. or maybe he was just blind and didn’t see the signs, but it all happened in such a blur that minho couldn’t even sit back and ponder that this wasn’t okay, that his husband would turn into someone he would despise or be afraid of. it was so sudden that minho felt distraught and confused. it would continue like that for the next two years.
the drinking became daily rather than just being here and there or at events, and even then he would stop at one drink. the anger of the tiniest little things would set him off like a grenade, causing minho to step back in fear and hold their, or well his, his little girl tighter to protect her from the hands coming before him when minho used to never worry about that. she was only eleven months old when doyoung first laid hands on minho. his little girl didn’t deserve a father or a life like this. this wasn’t what she deserved, and although he was lucky enough that mina was too young to remember her father, minho did.
minho recalled the day they saw her on the screen of the ultrasound machine. the day doyoung held her in his arms when she was brought into this world. the day his eyes glistened with tears of happiness when mina said "mama" and "papa." the days when he was the lovable and considerate husband, minho remembered all of that, and it was…bittersweet. sometimes those moments took up his mind as he laid next to the man that had touched him sinfully in so many ways while mina slept peacefully in the room across from theirs, but for right now he was focused on one thing: fleeing the home that used to bring comfort.
he had packed his whole life into two boxes that were in jisung’s car outside earlier in the day, hiding out of doyoung’s sight if he were to wake up but close enough that minho didn’t have to walk far. minho could feel his heartbeat in his ears, his palms all sweaty as he grabbed mina out of her crib. the voices in his head were telling him that if doyoung woke up, his life was over. that he would be trapped in this house like a mouse in a mouse trap. stuck, unable to move by the weight of the metal. onky the metal would be doyoung. that mina wouldn't have the life he wanted for her, or for him either. minho took a deep breath, trying to relax. or somewhat convince himself that this was what needed to happen for mina to live peacefully. that he was doing the right thing.
even if somewhere in the back of his mind told him that he should stay.
“i’m sorry, baby girl,” he whispered tearfully as he cradled her into his chest and pressed a kiss to her head. his heart was breaking that mina would live without a father in just a few minutes. that she would grow up in a different setting rather than the house she was brought home to or celebrate her first birthday. she would need a father, and maybe one day far in the future she would, but for now, minho hoped that having her mama would be just enough for her. that he could be the father and mother she’d need. she whined a little bit too loudly, and ninho's head shot up to the door. scared that doyoung would wake up, but relief washed over him when it stayed silent.
“we have to stay quiet, okay, mina? We don’t want to wake papa up.” if someone had heard this, it would sound as if he were talking to himself rather than his daughter. in fact, it even looked like mina wasn’t in his arms, as she was hidden. a reflex that minho made for the safety of her. but for his own comfort, he was talking to mina and definitely not to himself. so with that, he stepped out of mina’s room and into the cold hall. pictures of mina’s baby shower and gender reveal hung on the wall. the sight only caused minho to break more because he wished day and night to go back to that period of time. his life shouldn’t have turned this way, but it did anyway.
what did minho do to deserve this?
minho felt ashamed for staying this long. he stayed until mina was almost two years old, dealing with the abuse, yelling, and alcohol before he realized that staying would kill him sooner. he dealt with this all alone until jisung spotted the bruises and cuts on minho's body one day, forcing him to come clean. it was an ugly sight for the both of them as they yelled and tears ran down their faces. but jisung still stayed with him and helped him with this plan. it wasn’t like he openly wanted people to find out; god no, he gave his all to cover them up and hide them from family, friends, and even jisung. but he knew better that jisung would find it quickly. he was the only one he knew about doyoung's behavior for a long time. minho couldn't bear to tell his parents that after mina was brought into this world, his husband started abusing him. that their only child was in an abusive relationship for the last two years.
he sighed and looked over to his right, where his and doyoung's room was. he could see him passed out, snoring with a beer in his hand from the light of the tv. the room reeked of alcohol, and no amount of hours spent cleaning or expensive cleaning supplies took away the smell. although jisung always said it smelled like too much bleach and a hint of lavender, to minho it smelled like the alcohol that had been thrown at him by their dresser or the alcohol that touched him at night as he whimpered pleas of "stop." or even worse, the alcohol that held his baby girl as minho sat back bleeding and scared, unable to move and only able to pray that mina wouldn't get hurt by the hands that held her.
minho needed to leave before his mind told him to stay. before he could convince himself that doyoung would change. he couldn’t stand to be in this house that was now a living hell. he quietly but quickly took steps to the living room from the hallway. the living room was always spotless since mina was learning how to walk. it was the one area minho felt comfortable in, surprisingly. the one place he had control over but that quickly vanished earlier that night with fists and yelling as mina cried. he knew what areas of the floor creaked, so he avoided them like the black plague. mina wiggled in his arms, and minho cooed. “we’re getting out of here, baby girl. i promise.” he whispered as he adjusted mina’s head which was on his right shoulder and the backpack on his left side, making his way quietly to the door.
he grabbed the handle of the door, shaking. panic, relief, anger, and joy hit him all at once as he opened the door and stepped out onto his patio. this was the furthest he had ever gotten to leaving this house. the midnight breeze swarmed him and mina like a reward for exiting the suffocating house behind him. tears of joy were threatening to fall, but no. he couldn’t let them fall just yet. he had to make it to jisung's car first. he had to be in the car with mina in her car seat and the view of the house getting smaller and smaller to be able to cry out of joy.
minho took his first step down the stairs cautiously. then the second one, then the third one. he was safe. minho spotted the black car three houses down with jisung by the driver's side, anxiously awaiting the two. the anxiety he had felt vanished as he spotted minho and mina. he smiled, happy they were now out of the house. minho's pace was getting quicker, and soon enough he was in the arms of his best friend. “oh thank god.” jisung sighed and looked over minho's shoulder just in case doyoung had come out. “c’mon, let’s get you guys in the car.” he brushed mina’s thin hair and opened the door of the backseat where her car seat was. jisung stood beside minho protectively just in case. and if he saw the fresh bruises around his necks and cuts, he didn’t say anything about it until they got home.
once mina was safely buckled in, minho closed the door. he was still shaking from the joy and also fear. although he made it out of the house, there was a chance doyoung could come out any minute and grab him or even mina. he could take them back to the house and do god knows what within those walls that have witness such ugly sights. “hey, min, you’re safe, okay? doyoung is not going to get you. i'm going to walk you to the passenger side, hm?” jisung snapped minho out of his thoughts and grabbed the hand that was in front of him. minho kept looking over to his house to be sure doyoung wasn’t coming out. to be sure that he really would be free. they had made it to the other side, and he stood facing the distant house. jisung waited patiently until minho would be ready and get in his seat to close his door.
memories of him and doyoung rushed in. the good and also the disgusting, terrifying memories. somehow, in some sick and twisted way, minho still loved doyoung. maybe it was doyoung from two years ago, or maybe he only loved the good memories he had of him. but while he did love him, it wasn’t the same love he had because would he run back to him? hell no. would minho ever forgive him? fuck no. he may hate doyoung for the fact that alcohol had completely taken over his life, but minho knew deep down the old doyoung was there.
he knew the man he once devoted his life to and married was there. the man he had fallen in love with during college. but that man would never show up again. unless through some sort of miracle. but minho highly doubted that. he knew doyoung wouldn’t change his ways; that’s why he packed his and mina’s stuff up. that’s why he took off his wedding ring, filed to remove doyoung’s last name, and got a new phone number. he was starting a new life without doyoung. a life that would be safer for mina. he looked back to jisung and smiled with tears now falling. “let’s get out of here,” he said and got in the car. he nodded and once jisung got in the car, they headed off. the view of the house and neighborhood is getting smaller and the weight getting lifted off of him.
minho was now free.
“mina! c'mon, you're going to be late for school!” echoed through the apartment. it’s the first day of kindergarten, and they are already running later than planned. he may or may not have spent a little too long weeping about his little girl going off to school. minho had wanted her first day to be memorable, especially after everything that they had gone through years back. he woke up early to make her waffles along with strawberries on the side to eat for breakfast. her lunch for school consisted of a ham and cheese sandwich with carrots and pieces of heart-shaped chocolates. that he made. if there was one thing about minho being a parent, it would be that the lunches he packed would make everyone and their mom jealous.
oh how he couldn’t wait to her mina talk about the other moms copying his lunches.
mina was five now. he spent almost four of those years as a single parent and spent most days in fear of his old life coming back for revenge. providing for his little girl and giving her the life he wanted for her. even if he was doing it alone when there was a time he believed it would be two parents. not one. not one parent doing all the work and kissing her “big” injuries or reading to her at night. not one parent being the only parent to sing her happy birthday when she wished every birthday wish and night to have a father and to meet him one day. she always did it late at night, oblivious to the fact that her whispered wishes could be heard. minho’s heart broke every time hearing it. his hatred for doyoung grew each day and night.
“mama, i’m reffy!” mina lisped with a waffle stuffed in her tiny mouth, stumbling to the door with her way-too-big backpack and her cat lunch pail. he tsked at her actions. she was too cute, and don’t get him wrong, very smart, but sometimes her actions were taken from her uncle jisung. he really needed a new babysitter. “baby girl, really? i told you to not stuff the waffle in your mouth. that’s how—” “how you choke.” she cut him off the waffle was now long gone and mocked his words. hearing the phrase one too many times. he shook his head and helped her put her shoes on. her cute flare jeans covered her shoes, since they were a little too long, with a pink sweater with a white heart on the left side of her chest. all picked by herself.
“uncle jinnie said the first day of school means to be…out…shitty?” she said the night before when they were in her very pink princess room choosing an outfit. clearly, some words needed to be worked on since she meant to say "outstanding," but that aside, he was in awe of how her outfits were definitely better than his. sometimes she would look minho up and down, disgusted with his choice of fashion, and ask, “are you really wearing…that?” he never felt more judged in his life by a five-year-old. a five-year-old , for God's sake. hyunjin and jisung were corrupting his daughter way too soon. he was dreading the moment mina turns into a teenager, already seeing how she’d act just at 5 years old.
“smart head. c'mon, let's go!” he finished putting her shoes on and opened the door to head outside. she went in front and stood outside their door while minho locked it, holding his leg. thankfully their elevator was working, so they would be able to spare a few minutes, but still minho didn’t want to leave a bad impression on the first day of school, especially to the teacher. he was a single father and that was already bad enough. he didn’t need being late added to the list. they walked into the elevator, and minho pressed the main floor. a ding rang, indicating they made it to the main floor, and they walked out. somehow minho felt more nervous than mina. he felt like it was his first day of school. like he was wearing a backpack twice his size and was scared his parent would leave him at the unfamiliar place and never pick him up again. mina, on the other hand, was bouncing on her heels, nonstop talking about how excited she was about school, and was already planning her outfits for the week.
they were the complete opposite of the idea of going to school.
he knew why he was nervous. i mean, any first-time parent is scared and worried for their child, especially their first born, to start school. mina was…too kind for her age. too kind that he wished she could be mean. don’t get him wrong. it was a good trait to have for her age, but he didn’t want that to be taken advantage of. he didn’t want his baby girl to learn that the world could be cruel to anyone and possibly even her. he just wanted to keep her shielded from this world, but he knew that for her to learn about herself and to be a tough girl, he couldn’t do that. she was selfless, too forgiving, and most of the time a follower. it scared him to put her in kindergarten, where she could get into trouble just because she was too kind for this world and naive to know when someone was mean.
most of all, he was scared of how kids would react and treat her if they were ever to find out that she didn’t have a father, and the father that was in her life was considered ‘mama.’ he knew how these kids were nowadays. he’s seen and witnessed enough encounters with those types of kids AND adults too many times. grocery stores, parks, ice cream shops, and a library. there was more, but he’s learned over the years that it was best to just let it go. to just let them talk and judge, even if what they said was completely wrong. but he shook those thoughts out of his mind and thought about the positives of mina’s day in kindergarten.
during his thoughts, they had made it to his car, and he buckled mina in. he quickly got in the driver's seat when he realized they only had 15 minutes until the bell rang. so he drove off to her school scared, cheery, anxious, and with all the emotions as it dawned on him that his little girl was now in school. his baby girl, his firstborn, his blood, and his life would be starting an important chapter of her life in just a few minutes . before he knew it, they were at the gate of her school with 5 minutes until the bell rang, and he’d be spending his day without a clingy, sweet, smiley girl. he was so grateful the school allowed the parents to walk their kids into their classroom, as he feared tears would be shed.
and by that i mean his tears.
he stood by the gate with mina holding his hand. he looked around only to realize he was in fact the only single parent there. he felt…embarrassed and ashamed. the feelings were all too familiar. but he could focus on that when he got home; mina would need his attention for the moment. she was still rambling on about how excited she was to start school. a huge smile on her face, and minho felt sort of hurt that she was so happy to leave him. obviously, she didn’t mean it like that, and minho knew that. he was just being dramatic. cough, hypocrite.
“you must really want to leave mama, huh?” he pouted and faked a sad face. her eyes went wide, and she shook her head. “mamaaaa, no! i just…i just want friends.” she swayed, and minho could only hug her. he knew she sometimes felt alone. he knew that, and he couldn’t give her exactly what she wanted. it’s not that he didn’t want to; it was more so that in order for it to happen, he would need…another body, and he didn’t have anyone at the moment. nor was he really looking for someone. “i know, baby girl. you’ll make a bunch of friends today, okay? you’ll make so many that everyone will ask to play with you or ask to sit next to you. remember what uncle ji and jinnie tell you all the time?” he asks. she stares at him for a few seconds, thinking. “that they want to steal me?” she says confidently, and minho could only press the palm of his hand to his forehead and laugh.
“no, baby. that you’re a sweet soul and that that is an amazing gift to have.” he answered for her, and she nodded with a smile. jisung and hyunjin have never failed to let mina know how much of a sweet and kind girl she is. how she was too precious for them. they spoiled her, in her words, with love and gifts, and minho is so grateful for them to be in his life during everything. so grateful that they were basically her other parents. minho got up as soon as the bell rang. he smiled softly at her and started to walk her to her class but was stopped when he heard two very annoying and familiar voices. “mina!” they yelled in unison, “have an amazing day, sweet girl!” sure enough, the two devils, jisung and hyunjin, had made their way to mina’s school to surprise her.
immediately mina’s eyes lit up, and she waved happily to them. the doubt of going to school and leaving her mama, vanished. jisung and hyunjin didn’t need to know this, but they had made this day a lot easier for not only him but mina as well. he couldn’t tell them, or else they would get a lot more cocky than they already are. so with them there, mina tugged minho's hand, and they made their way to her class. it was a cute classroom and very cozy. he remembered the principal saying that the teacher was new but very good with kindergartners, so minho wasn’t that worried. but as a parent, he still was. yet the moment he met mina’s teacher at the door, all the worry went away.
“hello, parents! i’m mr. bang or mr. chan, whichever is okay with you, and i’ll be your child’s teacher for the school year. i’m very excited to get to know them.” mr. chan never broke a smile, and it was like the kids, including mina, knew he was safe as they all ran into the middle of the class where the rug sat. their backpacks were still on, and they didn't even acknowledge their parents to say bye. mr. chan made a noise of surprise, clearly not expecting the kids to warm up that quickly. “oh wow! i’ve never had a group of kids trust me that quickly.” he laughed, and so did the rest of the parents. some were wiping tears, either from the fact that their child had just left without a goodbye or the fact that they would spend their day alone starting today. and then there was some of the mothered batting their eyes at the very handsome teacher with their husband by the side of them.
minho would’ve definitely been blushing but he was too caught up in saying goodbye to mina.
then the moment he had to leave mina and make his way to jisung and hyunjin, who were still waiting, he started crying like a baby. his baby had just run off to her teacher without a goodbye or hug, and minho felt butthurt and jealous of mr. chan. like the nice friends jisung and hyunjin were, they laughed at minho for his dramatic crying. jisung whipped out his phone to record minho crying about how mina didn’t say bye once the bell rang and that class started. even if she did run up to him to say bye and had pressed a kiss to his cheek when mr. chan told her too. something she did when she knew someone was sad. oh bless her heart. hyunjin just stood there patting minho’s head laughing at him. telling him he was just a dramatic as him and jisung.
minho was definitely not going to survive a day without mina.
time was going by way too slow for minho that he didn’t know what to do. he’d been cleaning, sweeping, watched the show that was not made for children, hell, even reorganized the spice cabinet and he still had 3 hours until mina got out of school. god, how was he supposed to do this for the next 15 years? jisung and hyunjin had left an hour after dropping mina off at school. unlike minho, today they had work and were kind enough to go in late just for the sake of mina. “it’s our baby’s first day of school!” they faked weeped while holding each other as if mina was actually their daughter. minho glared at them and immediately they started stumbling into apologies and avoiding his eye contact.
in some ways she technically was.
for a long time, while mina was a baby, minho had worked his ass off to be able to support them. since he couldn’t necessarily do both tasks of working very long and questionable hours while nursing and bonding with his daughter, the couple had stepped in when minho couldn’t. watched her when minho slept or was either at work. they put her to sleep, fed her, bathe her, changer her diapers. they took care of her like how a parent should, how minho should’ve taken care of her. the guilt ate him up like hell everyday. knowing that even though he had birthed mina, hyunjin and jisung were her parents. they watched her, not him. they put her to sleep, not him. they bathed and fed her, not him. it was them and not minho for a long time.
all because he wanted to be financially stable for his daughter.
if you were to ask him if he had regrets of working like that even though it had payed off since he was relatively stable enough, he was say yes in a heartbeat. he would go back in time just to spend more time with his baby girl. to just bask in the feeling of having a baby and actually caring for her like he should’ve. although the couple and his parents had reassured him so many times that he was just doing the best for his daughter, he couldn’t believe them no matter what. how could he when he was gone from his baby for hours and only saw her for a few a hours? there was one night where he thought hyunjin and jisung would make better parents for mina then he could ever be. he was close to having them legally be her parents and when he almost succeeded in getting his plan in set, mina had reached out for him with her big soft eyes.
minhos wall crashed down and he hated himself for ever thinking about leaving his daughter. for almost giving up on his daughter because he was selfish. that night he cradled mina to him with non stop “im sorrys” and tears. that night he made a promise and it was to never ever give up on mina. he realized how truly of a shitty parent he was and how he needed to change it before mina would resent him. it took him a while to find a place where he was working good but reasonable hours but also make enough to support his daughter. it was a struggle for him to find one since places need certain experiences or the hours werent worth it. he however didnt expect being a florist would make enough.
speaking of that, he probably should get mina flowers he thought. he still had an hour left and was surprised how fast time went by while he was thinking. he knew exactly what flowers were her favorite and had the perfect idea in mind. so with that he got up and put his shoes to head out and get mina flowers. it also worked out since he wanted to check in on felix and make sure everything was running smoothly.
minho had the experience of gardening, knowing which flowers were which, how they grew and even what they had meant from his mother. he got accepted shockingly fast and ever since then he had been working there. he become the owner of the shop after yeona had retired and left the business in minhos hands a year later. claiming he was more a son then hers had even been and knew the moment he walked in that minho would take over. there was a lot tears shed from minho. yeona had treated him nothing but kindness and love. she especially loved mina and had made them flower crown of white carnations and daisies when he brought her to work for the first time.
innocence, and new beginnings. it fit perfectly because not even a week later, yeona handed over the business to minho.
soon enough he had mina’s flowers in his hands. mina always got so happy when he surprises her with flowers. especially her favorite flowers. minho couldnt help but smile wide as he’d be reunited with his baby again after what felt like eternity. it had been a while since he had been apart from her since he had been working at his last job. minho also left with felix’s brownies since he claimed “kindergarten is tiring! she’ll need my brownies to re energize after a long day. duh!” he said proudly as if mina wasn’t already hyper without his brownies.
he was glad that when he made it to her school 10 minutes early, he wasn’t the only one. there were at least five other parents there waiting for their kid to come out. but once again, minho dwelled on the fact he was the only single parent there and the only relatively young parent too. they all looked around their min thirties to early fourties’. he was only twenty six. he heard snickers from two moms that stood by his left side. they “whispered” about him clearly thinking he couldn’t hear them. “gosh what’s up with this generation having kids so young?” the older looking one said, her hand to mouth as if it was doing anything.
“where’s the mother? aish..the poor child’s going to need a mother.” the taller of the two women said. he bit his lip in order to not say something that could get him in trouble. minho knew he shouldn’t have listened and just let them talk but it was hard not too. what hurt most was that minho knew mina would need a mother hell a fucking father too. he wasn’t oblivious to that fact. it kept him up at night knowing that even if minho was trying his hardest to be both parents it still wouldn’t be enough. they didnt know his backstory. they didn’t know what he had been through and he wasn’t going to let them shit talk about him or mina.
“you know if you’re gonna talk shit at least learn to whisper.” he said turning to them. their faces dropped surprised that minho heard them. “also what’s with grandmas having kids this old? you can’t even keep up with them if they ran.” he looked them up and down. god were their faces priceless. they stuttered and grew red. minho only laughed and went closer to the gate. a minute later the bell rang and kindergartens started running out the gate to their parents. he spotted mina and waved to her. her eyes brightened when she saw and it had made him forget about that whole encounter with those moms and was body slammed with a bear hug from mina. how she ran that fast? he doesn’t know but the hug brought tears in his eyes. god he was a big cry baby.
“oh baby i missed you.” he whispered in her hair. the flowers still carefully in his hands. “mama i missed you too!” she hugged him tighter and her smile only got wider . “baby i got you something.” he said and detached from the hug to give her the flowers and sat the box of brownies down. she looked to his hand and gasped happily. a wide and bright smile plastered on ger face. “flowers! you got my favorite!” she grabbed the small bouquet and held it to her chest. she smelt them and made a noise of satisfaction. nothing would ever top mina’s smile at her bouquet of carnations and cosmos flowers, their birth flowers. she hugged him again and he kissed her cheeks. “let’s go back home so you can eat uncle lix’s brownies, hm?” “YES!”
carnations: gratitude, admiration and if they are pink it also means a mothers love.
cosmos: a mothers love along with peace and hope.