Chapter Text
doyoung never fully left minho.
although it’s been years since he’s ever heard from him, saw him, or was touched by him, doyoung still clouded his life. he was everywhere. in the beer aisle. in the cleaning aisle. lavenders he’d see outside. he was like gum on a shoe. often not minho woke up sweaty, panicking and crying. he’d dream of doyoung. dream of the countless fights they had. the countless yells of “stop” because his touch burned like fire and his body couldny take anymore. physically and mentally. the countless bruises and cuts he’d wake up to and had clean before doyoung saw and caused more. it lessened over the years but the dreams never stopped.
and it probably would never.
he’d run over to mina’s room checking that she was still there and safe. to make sure that doyoung hadn’t touched her like he touched minho even though doyoung was no where near them anymore. he would never forgive himself if that had happened to her. doyoung would be skinned alive if he touched his daughter in ways that were vile. but luckily he prevented that from her. he wasn’t able to prevent that from happening to himself but he was able to for mina. doyoung was never ever alone with her the moment he started drinking. the only time she was held by doyoung was when he’d forcefully pulled mina away from minho as he kicked him around or pushed him against the wall with his hand around his throat.
he had never feared for his life more than when he started seeing black dots and his punches at doyoung grew weak. his face grew red and he tried so hard to stay awake and push doyoung off so mina wouldnt get hurt. he was growing weaker and weaker and weaker but then mina saved him from passing out there since she needed to be fed. doyoung had interrupted her feeding time just because he wanted his satisfaction and not his daughters. her crying always pissed doyoung off, for whatever reason, so he gave minho mina or well more like almost threw her at him if werent for minho instincts to rush toward her. doyoung just picked up his beer and left to the living room, leaving minho red faced and crying as he fed and calmed mina down.
“i’m so sorry petal.” he cried quietly to her. scared that doyoung would hear and come back. she was his flower in a field of grass. she was his only beauty in life during the two years of hell. she blossomed like a flower in the sun but minho wasn’t sure he’d ever be like tbat again. he hoped one day he’d be taken care of like flower. gentle. loved. patient. and he prayed, prayed, that mina would come home with her partner that showered her in love like minho did. that she would never ever find someone like doyoung.
it was scary going out some days. he always had his phone charged ready to call hyunjin or jisung if doyoung ever came back for him or mina. when minho had left doyoung he stayed cooped in the couples apartment. afraid that doyoung would find them. afraid to leave the safety of the house. it took so much convincing from them that doyoung couldn’t reach them. that doyoung had no clue where they were and if they had even left the country. after all, minho left everything he knew behind. one day he finally agreed to go on walk with them in the park. they spent a an hour there but the whole time he’d whip his head around just in case doyoung was lurking or jump at the sounds yelling and even voices that sounded close to doyoungs voice. in all honesty he looked like a tweaker but hyunjin and jisung didn’t care. minho was making progress and they couldn’t be more proud.
like today minho woke up with more fear than he should have.
mina had finished her first week of kindergarten and while he was so proud of his little girl for making a bunch of friends like he said the fear of doyoung finding her school and picking her up, taking away his daughter from him had increased. it was a silly fear and he knew that. he knew doyoung wouldnt find her, them, anymore. so he wasn’t really sure why he woke up in such a panic this morning. he and mina would celebrate her first week of kindergarten at brunch with hyunjin, jisung and felix. she had been looking forward to all week since she hadn’t seen them in so long. “it’s been decaaddeess!” she said as she plopped herself on the couch. minho shook his head and laughed.
he should be happy and cheerful but waking up so scared had set his mood off. minho woke up moving so sluggish and slow just like how he used to all those years ago. he knew mina and his friends would catch on about his behavior. he had more been jumpy at noises, had double checked if his door was locked when they headed out to brunch. it was obvious in the way he talk and moved. painfully obvious that his old life still affected him and he hated it. he hated how doyoung still affected his life. his thoughts. his moves. his dreams. doyoung, although gone, was very present.
and perhaps doyoung would never fully leave him alone.
“….minho!”
“minho!”
he jumped in his seat and came back to his senses. was he thinking that hard? how long were they calling him? his friends looked at him in worry and concern. did he have something on his face? felix distracted mina from the conversation. did he forget to cover up his bruises? oh god he must’ve since they kept on staring at him. “oh…i’m sorry, what did you say?” minho ran his hand down his face and gave them a small smile. he must’ve been out of it for a while because they all glanced at each other before hyunjin spoke up. “we’ve been asking you if you’ve doing well for the past ten minutes minho…are you sure you’re okay?” worry laced his words. ten minutes? he had been in his head that long? “i…” he started. at first he started finding to reasons to lie about but there really was no point in lying to them. jisung would call him out immediately since he knew minho like the back of his hand.
“no i haven’t. i’ve been in panic mode all day. hell all week actually.” their shoulders relaxed but their faces still showed concern. so whatever they thought was wrong but minhos reason was still worrisome. “we thought..” jisung paused and minho knew what they thought was wrong. felix was still distracting mina but he knew felix was listening just in case. “we thought he came back minand did something. to you or mina.” they never really said doyoungs name out loud near mina for whatever reason. quite frankly minho didn’t care if mina heard his name or not. one day she’d asked about him so why bother hiding his name to her? doyoung was still her father anyway.
“no, no doyoung hasn’t shown any signs of coming back.” he sighed and shook his head, looking at mina. “maybe that’s why i’ve been feeling so scared. mina isnt with us all the time anymore. so if doyoung does come back i won’t be able to protect her.” it made sense now that he said it. there were more chances of doyoung snatching mina now that she was in school. she’d be away from his sight and he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it since the school would have to notice her missing and then contact minho. he didnt realize how scared he was of this big change until right now. he wouldnt be able to protect her from doyoung like he has been. minho doesnt know what he’d do if mina would have to go through the exact same things doyoung did to him because he failed to protect her. he couldn’t fail to do that.
not when he already failed himself.
“minho, it’s scary i know but you have to realize that mina is in good hands at the school. it’s gated and by the looks of it, mr. chan would do anything to protect those kids. the school too.” felix said while coloring with mina on her kids menu. felix was right. it was just hard to understand that she was safe after everything he had been through. he wasn’t safe at that house and he fears mina won’t be either when she’s away from him. “in no way are we saying that you aren’t allowed to feel scared. you’ve been through so much it’s understandable. but you putting her in school instead of homeschooling means you’re making progress, min.” felix put the crayon down and grabbed his hand and smiled softly at him. hyunjin and jisung nodded, agreeing with what felix said. minho could only sniffle at the words.
he wasn’t really sure when he started tearing up but felix knew how to word things that didn’t make him feel like it was his fault or made him understand that whatever feelings he’s having were valid. his wording always made someone cry especially birthday cards. even though minho was the eldest amongst them, they never once got on minho for being so emotional. but really their whole friend group including mina were emotional as fuck. they still viewed him as their hyung and as someone who was the most mature amongst them. they still came to him for advice and called him for any concern but felix knew exactly what to say to anyone and any situation. in some ways felix felt like the eldest.
but before he could say anything, their waiter came with their food and started handing them out. minho quickly wiped the tears that had fallen and started helping mina with her food. once everyone’s food was to their designated spot he looked to his friends. he knew if he spoke he’d cry and right now he didn’t want to. so he gave them a smile that spoke the words he wanted to say. ‘thank you and i love you’ they nodded with a smile and started digging in their food. for a while they just ate and talked here and there. mina would steal some bacon from felix’s plate “sneakily” and laughed when felix pretended to be confused on why he was one short of bacon.
“mama! look i’m a walrus!” mina exclaimed with two fries in mouth and started acting like one. mina was always a slow eater so right they were waiting for her to finish a few more bites. jisung almost spit his drink out and started coughing. hyunjin was hitting his back while laughing. meanwhile felix started recording mina and minho was slightly embarrassed. he saw a few people looking at them in annoyance since she said it a little loud but if mina was having fun then he’d deal with it. so he copied her. jisung had just drank his water when he calmed only to spit it out again after seeing minho. mina laughed as if she had never laughed before and minho loved it. he smiled fondly at her and any worry had left him. he didn’t need to be scared anymore. he was safe.
mina was safe.
and so for the rest of the day, he pushed those feelings away and enjoyed the moment. his mood was a complete 180 from this morning. minho was surprised his cheeks weren’t hurting from how much he had been smiling but mina’s laugh, smile, and really just being near her would always bring his mood up. and so would his friends. they had been with him through thick and thin. saw his ugliest moments especially after leaving doyoung and saw his happiest. they saw the aftermath of abuse and yet they still stayed when they could’ve left him. they stayed while he screamed at night, while he cried, while he had no energy to get up and even when he smelt and looked like shit. hell even when they had nasty arguments.
he owed them his life and so much more.
they helped him get back on his feet and they never left him alone. they helped him get used to hugs and touches because for a while he’d flinched away so hard and start panicking. he sometimes still did but it wasn’t as often as it used to be. but they helped him a lot with mina and he was so grateful for that. he was a first time parent doing it all alone and even though his friends knew nothing about babies they still helped. there were countless of times where mina pooped or threw up on felix and hyunjin. and for some reason mina really liked peeing on jisung. he remembered the first time she had peed on him. “my baby! ah look how cute you- oh wow you feel really warm. are you my personal heater?” he said while holding her clearly not understanding that it was pee. felix and minho held in their until jisung put the pieces together.
“AH NO YOU PEED ON ME!”
“YAH! DONT YELL AT MY DAUGHTER JUST BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE A DIAPER ASS TWAT!”
“I WASNT YELLING AT HER! ALSO I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A DIAPER!”
jisung didn’t hold for a while but whenever he did she’d pee on him. he just gave up and accepted his fate. minho was glad he wasn’t parenting alone. he knew he had his parents but they lived hours away so it was hard for them to visit each other. it didn’t help that they lived where him and doyoung used to live. they respectful enough to always make the drive to minho but he knew he couldn’t keep making them do that since they were getting older. he missed them dearly so hopefully he could visit them soon. calling them almost daily did nothing to fill the lines that just wanted his parent closer. maybe one day he’d get them a house closer to him and mina. she loved her grandparents just as much minho did. his parents were the best parents he could have ever asked for.
after brunch they headed off to the park that mina and jisung loved. he claimed he didn’t but everyone knew he did. he even fought over the swings with an eight year old. while mina and jisung ran around with her screams of excitement, he sat on the bench with felix and hyunjin. he hoped one day she’d play like this with a sibling. “she’d be an amazing older sister.” he said with so much adoration in his eyes as he watched mina. hyunjin and felix looked up in surprise thinking he was announcing a pregnancy. “you’re….” hyunjin asked. he immediately shook his head. “no but hopefully one day.” felix grabbed his hand. “you’re an amazing parent minho. she’d be an amazing sister because she learned for you.” minho tighten his grip around felix’s.
he always wanted two kids but for right now or even years later, he’d be content to having one kid. felix was the only one who knew how much minho wanted another kid and how mina dreamed of being an older sister. minho had accidentally confessed to felix one night over cheap wine one or two months ago. mina was more than enough to make him happy in life. he looked around and spotted pink lilacs all around. hyunjin and felix let the conversation drop and started a new one. minho thinks they’re talking about hyunjin and jisung’s relationship but he wasn’t really sure. most likely their sex life and minho didn’t want to talk about that. felix was more the person you go to when you wanted to talk about that not minho. he got up and started grabbing the pink lilacs to make a small bouquet for mina. she loved the way pink lilacs looked so he thought this was perfect for their coffee table at home.
after a while of hyunjin and jisung switching off to run with mina and minho and felix catching up while making the small bouquet they separated off. minho didn’t usually hug them but today he did. a way of saying he was so grateful for them. when mina and him got home they put the bouquet of pink lilacs on their coffee table. “they look so pretty mama!” mina said she cuddle with minho on the couch watching a disney movie. he ruffled her hair and kissed the top of her head. “they do don’t they, petal?” she hummed and cuddled further into minhos side. she always got more affectionate when she was sleepy. after how energetic she was today it was understandable. minho should’ve made he take a bath since she was all sweaty but he would do that before she went to bed. they did a movie marathon and halfway during the third movie they fall asleep. only the movie and soft snores coming from both of them was heard in the background.
minho would never trade moments like this for anything in the world.
pink lilacs: acceptance of life surprises and gratitude towards those you love.