Chapter Text
“I miss you, Miles.”
Phoenix stares at the display, moving his thumb over it from time to time so it won't go dark. He thinks about writing again, and again, and again, and again, but he doesn't think Miles would be particularly pleased with that. Plus, he'd feel like a creepy stalker. And still... He sighs.
“God, Nick. If I didn't know how amazing I am, I'd feel really hurt. Stop ignoring me.”
He looks up. Maya returns his gaze, grinning. He sighs again. “But Maya, I miss him so much.”
“Awwww, Nick.” She sounds sympathetic for a moment, then adds, voice dry: “Stop being such a crybaby.”
He rolls his eyes and takes a bite out of his hamburger. “You should have met me during my college years.”
Maya snorts. “I'm perfectly happy with knowing what my sis told me. That's enough, really.”
He laughs. God, he doesn't even want to know what Mia told her. He's very happy, in retrospect, that Miles wasn't the one to prosecute.
The buzzing of his phone on the wooden table startles him, and then it takes about zero point zero zero zero three seconds for him to grab it.
“I’ve only just arrived, Wright. This is ridiculous.”
“You haven’t written anything at all!”
“That’s because I was mid air. My phone was turned off.”
“Airplanes are immune to mobile phones. :(“
“I’m not taking any chances with this airline.”
“What’s wrong about iFly?”
“Long story.”
“I still miss you.”
“We’ll talk later.”
“I MISS YOU! TELL ME YOU MISS ME! THAT’S THE RULE OF RELATIONSHIPS!”
“Yes. Dating obviously has a number of ludicrous rules. Trucy told me about the one with the three dates.”
“:D We skipped that one.
Do you miss me?”
“Goodbye, Wright.”
He’s halfway done typing out a melodramatic reply when he’s hit by a flying napkin. “Hey!”
“Earth to Nick! Put your phone aside. Geez, you’re worse than a teenager.” Maya pouts at him and almost manages to make him feel bad. Almost.
“But Mayaaaaa, I miss him.”
“God, he’ll be back in six days.”
“I’ll have you know that I did some research.”
“And?”
“And I found out that six days is exactly the official definition of ‘forever’.”
“… You’re such a dork, Nick.”
“Na-ah. I’m the poorest man alive. … Don’t you miss your Mistress van Whippingstein?”
“… If you’re trying to make her name sound more German, the ‘von’ already is. ‘van’ is something else, I don’t know. It’s a thing in Denmark or so.”
“Why am I being lectured by-“
“Because you’re a dork. Point proven, take that. But, to answer your question, of course I miss her. But she’s been gone for like two weeks now. Mr. Edgeworth barely even left the state.”
“The state? He’s in London, Maya! That’s, like, a whole Universe away!”
“Eat your hamburger, Nick.”
He takes a huge bite out of it and asks in between chewing “How’s it going with von Karma anyway?”
“Good!” Her face lights up immediately, and she’s wearing the biggest smile he’s ever seen. It still feels strange, knowing that Maya – clumsy, childish Maya – is romantically involved with Franziska – cold, perfectionist Franziska – but seeing her like this, he can’t help but break into a smile as well.
“I’m happy to hear that. And you’re okay with her being all over the world because of her Interpol affairs?”
“Yeah. I mean, I’m usually very busy with the whole Master of Kurain thingy myself. And her work stories are gold, I swear.”
“I can imagine.” He grins. “Hey, by the way, have you seen my badge?” He points at it, and she rolls her eyes.
“Ugh, I’ve waited for it. You know, it's not like I haven't seen you since you got it back. But let me look at it.” She bends forward. “Whooo, shiny! But it looks a little lost on you if you don’t wear your suit.”
“No, it makes every boring t-shirt look like a suit.”
“Why are you wearing it now, anyway?”
“I’m prepared.”
“For what? A murder?”
“With you around, one can never know.”
“Heeey! I haven’t been accused for murder in years!”
“Huh, that’s true. Which means… It’s about time.”
“Don’t put the kiss off death on it, Nick. … Literally. Although I have to say, I’m very happy you’re a lawyer again. If I happen to find myself in the role of the defendant, you’re my number one choice.”
“Awww.”
“Plus, you looked stupid in that hobo outfit.”
He wants to object, but then he remembers the family photos of Trucy and him from back then, and he decides to just let it go. It’s not like he doesn’t prefer the suit himself.
“But enough of me and badges. What’s up with Mr. Edgeworth and the whole asexuality stuff?”
He throws her napkin back at her. “Indoor voice, Maya.”
“Duh, no one heard that. Plus, Edgeworth is not that famous. He’s not a rock star or anything. … And I’m not as bad as your lawyer son.”
“Apollo is not my son, Maya.”
“He’s the brother of your daughter. Isn’t there a law which declares him your son?”
“No! I mean…” Wait. Is there?
“Sorry. I forgot you have no idea about law.”
“Hey!”
“Anyway, I’m not as bad as him. And now answer my question.”
He sighs and takes a sip of his lemonade. “Well, we talked about it again. I guess he is. Asexual, I mean. … I mean, he thinks he is. … But it’s okay. I can live with him not finding me attractive like that.”
She claps her hands together and looks really happy for a moment. “That’s so neat! Maybe I can talk to him about it some time! It’s kinda sad if you have no one who shares your orientation. I mean, tumblr is awesome, but still.” She’s silent for a moment, and Phoenix wants to use the occasion to tell her that he’s pretty sure that Miles won’t be willing to talk about his sexual orientation in front of Maya, but before he can, she continues, leaning forward again. “And what about sex?”
“Huh? What about it?”
“Come on, don’t play stupid. Did you ask him if he ever wants to slam his gavel of lust-“
“God, Maya!”
She chuckles first, then starts to laugh. “Pfff, you should see your face, Nick!”
He shudders. “Keep the courtroom and judge's language out of it, please. That’s … just … no.”
She keeps laughing, but then she gets serious again. “Okay, okay. But I still want to know. Tell meeee.”
“Why are you so eager to hear about my sex life! You said sex is disgusting!”
“Nah! I just said, sex involving myself is disgusting. I’m the number one smut writer in the Steel Samurai fandom!”
“… Things I never wanted to know, part 823.”
“Things I do want to know: Does Mr. Edgeworth call you ‘Wright’ in bed?”
He blinks a little and feels his cheeks grow hot. “Uh…” He scratches the back of his head. „is it weird if he does?“
Maya gasps. „So, you already- Whooooop! Who topped? No, wait, Edgeworth did, right?”
“Maya, we didn’t… Why on earth do you think I’d let him top?!”
“… Don’t you usually bottom?”
“… How did you get this idea?!”
“Indoor voice, Nick. So you don’t?”
“No.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Then you topped?”
That’s weird. How am I always ending up having weird conversations like this?
“No one topped! We didn’t… I mean, not really.”
“How can you have sex but not really?”
“It wasn’t really sex. But we both had an orgasm?”
“That’s boring.”
“Stop calling our sex life boring.”
“You just said it wasn’t sex.”
He sighs and looks for something else he can throw at here, but all the napkins are used, and he doesn’t think it would be appropriate to throw the plate at her. So he doesn’t throw anything at all. Instead, he lowers his voice a little. “Can I tell you something? But you have to promise that you’ll not tell anyone.”
“Not even Franzy?”
“… No. She’s his sister.”
“What about Pearly?”
“No! No one, Maya.”
“Aww.” She looks disappointed for a moment, but then she nods. “Okay! I can keep a secret.” She leans forward a little more, conspiratorial look in her eyes. “Tell meeee. Is it something kinky?”
“Ugh. No, Maya. Quite the opposite. … Miles is a virgin.”
“Huh?” She looks confused. “But he’s so handsome! … But then again, if he’s asexual, it’s pretty logical that he wouldn’t just go and have a one night stand. But I mean, he was once a teenager, too. Did he never have a boyfriend? Or … a girlfriend? Or someone else? Just … a crush, I mean?”
“Maya – he was with Manfred von Karma when he was a teenager.”
“Oh. Yeah. … I don’t think he would have approved.”
“Nope. Most definitely not.”
“So, you’re taking it slow, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess. … … Maya?”
She leans forward again. “More dirty secrets?”
“Nope, more like the cleanest secret you’ll ever hear. … Miles… He never even had an orgasm before. I mean, before Saturday.”
“So what? Orgasms are overrated.”
“… Wait, okay. It’s scandalous that he’s a virgin, but it’s only logical that he never even touched himself before?”
“It’s just such a bother, you know?”
Nope. I don’t. He looks at her, and he’s sure he looks as confused as he does sometimes in court.
“Just, you know, laying down, making sure you won’t be interrupted, trying to think of things that make you go whooo, and then when you finally had it, you have to clean yourself up and think about that you just wasted twenty minutes of your life for a few seconds in which you felt good.”
“I … okay. I don’t know what to say to that.”
“Huh. You never thought about it like that? … Maybe it really is the asexuality thing. Franzy said that already when I asked her if she doesn’t think it’s wasted time.”
“I’m … pretty sure it’s that asexuality thing.”
“Okay. Hm, whatever. So, you gave Mr. Edgeworth his first orgasm?” She’s back to grinning. “What did he say to it?”
“… Nothing. Not really, I mean. … It was a little weird. I mean, not in a bad way- not while we were making out, but I’m not sure if he really felt comfortable afterwards.”
“Didn’t you ask him?”
“Uh … no.”
“Hm. Maybe you should. I mean, if you want to have sex in the end and everything, you need to know what he likes, right? Maybe he likes making out or even having sex, but not orgasms.”
“… Yeah, well, okay, but what’s the point, then?”
“Duh, I don’t know? Ask him.”
Sure. ‘Yo, Miles, you liked having an orgasm?’ He’ll be overjoyed.
His phone’s buzzing again. He looks at it, then looks at Maya. She just rolls his eyes. Until her own phone emits the sound of steel against steel – yup, she still has the ‘crossing spears’ moment from Steel Samurai episode so-and-so as her notification tone – because then she immediately grabs it and looks at the display. Phoenix decides that this means that he, too, is allowed to look at it.
“Wright, I’m in the hotel now. If you want to phone before I go to sleep, tell me, please. I feel rather tired.”
“Niiick?”
He lowers his phone. “Sorry, I know, earth to Nick and so on, but-“
“Nick, I have to go! Franzy asked me if I want to call.” She stands up. “We’ll talk tomorrow, yeah? Thanks for the burgers!” And with that, she’s gone. … Leaving him with the bill. Some things just never change. He smiles and looks at his phone again.
“I’ll be home in twenty minutes. :*”