Chapter Text
Don’t Blame Me
First Year of University
Mafuyu entered the practice studio and tossed his bag down irritably. Haruki looked up in alarm, finding the usually placid redhead seething quietly as he unpacked his guitar. “What’s up with you?” he asked. They were alone for now – Uenoyama had missed the train after his lecture ran late, and Akihiko was wrapping up a meeting with an orchestra director.
Mafuyu deliberated over whether he should say anything. After all, it was silly, really. But Haruki was never one to judge him for his overactive imagination, so he decided to talk. “There’s this girl, in Uenoyama’s class. She won’t leave him alone. I’m pretty sure she has a crush on him” he said, quietly. It shouldn’t bother him. He has no reason to doubt his boyfriend. It shouldn’t bother him, and yet – it does.
“Well, that is annoying... but haven’t you dealt with this before? That girl in his class in high school, right? Huruki said, reasonably.
“Kasai-chan. But that was different, and she and I got along in the end.” Mafuyu plucked at his guitar absent-mindedly. “Today, they were together at lunch. I was going to go over, and Rit-- I mean Uenoyama saw me… and he got up and left with her.”
Haruki frowned, sitting down next to Mafuyu, patting the ground. Mafuyu sank down next to him. “Mafuyu, you and Ue are pretty solid. You should just ask him what’s going on” he said, kindly. Mafuyu pouted, but he knew he was right. “Does Ue even like girls?” Haruki asked. That made Mafuyu pause – he wasn’t actually sure. They hadn’t ever put a label on Uenoyama, and he’d never felt the need to. But now… perhaps it warranted exploration.
***
Uenoyama ran into Akihiko at the train station, and they made their way to the studio together. He kicked at a rock on the path moodily.
“What’s up your butt?” Akihiko asked, noting his scowl.
“Fuck off.”
“Mmmmhmmm. Not very friendly.”
Uenoyama sighed. Stupid intuitive Akihiko. “One of my classmates… she’s really into Mafuyu. She keeps following me around to try and get me to introduce them. His face is the background photo on her phone and everything” he said, bitterly. Akihiko laughed, and Uenoyama glowered at him. “It’s not funny. How would you feel if someone was thirsting after Haruki?”
“Ue, you had to know this was going to happen when we went pro” he said, patting the shorter boy on the shoulder.
“Yeah, I know. But… I can’t even tell her he’s unavailable. I can’t even tell her she’d never have a chance anyway…” Uenoyama replied, bitterly.
“Yeah, that part really sucks. Have you told your parents yet?”
“No.”
“Well, that’s your business. But you might want to think about why this is really upsetting you. Like you said, she’d never have a chance with him.”
Uenoyama frowned but couldn’t reply – they’d reached the studio. He and Akihiko entered, and Mafuyu and Haruki hurried up off the floor to set up for practice. Uenoyama couldn’t help but feel that Mafuyu was being a little cold towards him.
***
Akihiko and Haruki were out on their usual smoke break, hidden around a corner.
“Hey Haru, do your folks know you’re dating a man?” Akihiko asked.
“Errr… no. My sister does, though” he replied. “My parents sort of keep to themselves, mostly. Why?”
“I think Ue is struggling more with it than he wants to admit”
“What? With… not being straight? Or not being able to tell anyone?”
“Both, I guess?”
“Well… he’s young. It’s hard. Mafuyu thinks he still hasn’t really figured out his own identity, and all that”
“Mmm. Reckon we can ever come clean to the world?”
“One day… once the band is more established. Right now, we’d really be risking the record deal”
***
Mafuyu and Uenoyama walked towards Mafuyu’s place in awkward silence. Their conversation in practice break had been a bit stilted, and they both had the sense that the other wasn’t telling them something. As they rounded the final corner, Mafuyu paused.
“Ritsuka… do you think you’re into girls, as well?”
“Wha… where is this coming from?”
“Well?” Mafuyu stared at him, dropping his hand.
“Um… I guess? If it was the right girl. And if I didn’t have you…” Uenoyama squirmed a little under Mafuyu’s gaze. He didn’t understand why he was suddenly being grilled on his sexuality on a street corner, by his apparently irritated boyfriend.
“Who was that girl you were with, at lunch time? You… you ran off with her when I tried to come by” Mafuyu said, unable to keep the sullen edge out of his voice.
Oh. Uenoyama almost laughed. How like them – both being dumb about the same thing, once again.
“Kaho-san. My classmate… Mafuyu, I’m not into her… She’s into you”.
Mafuyu was not expecting that. “Wait… what?”
“She’s a bit of a fangirl, honestly… she has your lyrics written all over her books. Her phone background is a photo of you. She keeps bugging me to introduce you to her.”
Mafuyu’s eyebrows rose higher and higher as he listened. “Okay, then why did you run off?”
“I didn’t want her to meet you… because I was… jealous” Uenoyama concluded, feeling small. It was so stupid, but that was how he felt.
Mafuyu snorted. “Ritsuka. I’m gay, you idiot.” He gathered him up into his arms.
“I know that. I know its irrational… but it’s still how I feel” Uenoyama muttered, dropping his head onto Mafuyu’s shoulder.
“Pfft. I was jealous, too” Mafuyu whispered. “I thought maybe, you didn’t want me to see you two together, because she interested you”.
Uenoyama tensed, then grabbed Mafuyu’s face. “Mafuyu. There’s only you. You’re the first thing I think of when I wake up, and the last thing when I fall asleep. All the songs I write are for you. I love you, dammit, you dumbass.” Uenoyama kissed him, hard. Mafuyu kissed him back. They wound fingers into each other’s hair, pressed up against each other.
When they separated, Mafuyu crushed Uenoyama into a hug. “We really need a place of our own. It’s been ages since we’ve had some proper time together” he grumbled.
“Yeah, I’ll second that.”
“Mmmm." Mafuyu breathed Uenoyama’s scent in, reluctant to let go. “I love you, too. And just introduce me to this girl so she can leave you in peace. I’ll let her down gently.”
Uenoyama laughed. “Yeah, yeah okay.”
He bid Mafuyu a reluctant farewell. Sighing to himself on the journey home, he pulled out his phone and opened up a real estate website. The idea of his own place with Mafuyu had been floating around his head for a while, but he thought it was probably time to take it more seriously, now.