Chapter Text
Shen Wenlang's memory of the last 3 years was fragmented. He remembers bits and pieces of it. The desperation while looking for Gao Tu. Eventually succumbing to his instincts. Tearing down anything that stood in his way. Using every resource he had. His hope after finding Gao Tu’s sister and the lingering scent of wood sage. Then Hua Yong came to sedate him. Taking him back to his father, Shen Yu.
He vividly remembered his time in Shen Yu’s capture. He had never known anything from Shen Yu other than the beatings or indifference as a child. When his dad, Ying Yi, had died he just stopped caring at all. Now, at almost thirty, the beatings were back. Most of the time to the point he didn't know how he still was alive. Him arguing back probably didn't help but what else was he supposed to do. Getting thrown into the isolation room. The same one his dad had been trapped in brought back unwanted feelings. In desperation he had dislocated his fingers trying to flee. It had resulted in them getting put back into place and yet another beating. So there wasn’t really any point trying.
Shen Yu, arguing that he had to stop disappointing him, to stop chasing after “that omega”, tried to use suppressants in the form of injections. In an attempt to suppress his mate-seeking-syndrome. While it worked somewhat, it wasn't strong enough against since he was an s-class alpha.
Eventually his dad came to get him. And wasn’t that just some new trauma, the dad he thought was dead, still alive. Finding out that the last trace of Gao Tu was gone, as well as his sister’s, broke something in him. He had missed his chance again.
Finally free but left alone with his thoughts in his apartment, he never did think his pride would be his downfall. Recalling all the times he called Gao Tu’s sent foul and his comments about omegas. What if he had realised sooner. His own feelings and that Gao Tu was an omega. What would have happened then.
Shen Wenlang was worried about him, the thought that Gao Tu was alone and pregnant with his child and without his pheromones to help. He recalled his last meeting with Gao Ming and Gao Tu where the former demanded 10 million for Gao Tu to abort the child. He prayed that Gao Tu didn’t abort their child and that he was safe. But at the same time hoped he would do what was necessary to not harm his health further.
His inner alpha was in pain. Why is the one person he cherished not by his side, why is he hiding, why did he get abandoned. His child, not yet born and already he has lost them. He’d never get to know them. And the worst part was, he knew it was his fault. He had failed them both.
Shen Wenlang stared into the empty space before him, a hollow emptiness growing in his chest. He started to think it’s probably what he deserved. He wasn’t strong enough to protect them, not good enough to make Gao Tu feel safe enough to stay. No one wants to stay with an alpha like that. Especially someone like Gao Tu that constantly had to hear him say degrading things about omegas, about his own scent. One that didn’t feel safe enough to trust him.
He continued to use injection even after getting out. Getting the idea from Shen Yu, he made the R&D modify the injections Hua Yong had used, to instead quell everything that was instinctual for an alpha. His symptoms had not been getting better and the only way to manage them was injections. He used scent blockers on really bad days when his pheromones were out of control. The injections took its toll on his body after being used daily. His alpha pretty much dormant from the injections. The hope he once held had been exchanged to numbness.
But maybe it was for the better. What was the point in all these instincts when the one he wanted was gone. He thought it would have been better if they had been gone for good.
He never learnt how to love. At least not the proper way. He saw the way it had shaped his parents' relationship. The only way to survive was to not need anyone. Be vary of everyone approaching. Being able to protect himself, both physically and mentally before people got too close.
And now, he was left alone—broken, regretful, and haunted by the shadow of what could have been.
***
Months passed and the days were filled with work. He never hired a new secretary. It just felt wrong to have someone else by his side other than Gao Tu. The nights were usually sleepless. Just thoughts about Gao Tu. When sleep actually came he would still see him. Sometimes it was their school days. Sometimes in the office. The most heartwrenching was the dreams where the ones with their child. images of them sitting at the table. the padding of small feet coming from another room. Then he'd wake up. The warmth from the dream slowly fading back to the pain of reality. Always left feeling empty.
Around the half year mark of Gao Tu being gone, Hua Yong makes him see their personal doctor in a rare moment of being concerned. Not that he said he as concerned in so many words. Rather Shen Wenlang just got sedated by Hua Yong when the latter was visiting his office. He then woke up in bed with the doctor, Li Shen, beside him.
Hua Yong had apparently sent Chang Yu to monitor him since he hadn't employed a new secretary. Not that Shen Wenlang thought he needed monitoring, but he was too tired to care really. Li Shen continued to talk about his health. Sleep deprivations, malnourished. It wasn't like he didn’t know. Eventually the doctor just sighed when he realised he wasn't listening. He had to go back a few times for check ups. The doctor told him to ease up on the injections each time, not that he listened. Eventually the doctor prescribed him with sleeping pills and anti depressants. As well as a long list of vitamins. Citing to help with his sleep. and to help him deal with his loss . He assumed Hua Yong had told him. Then telling him to come back if things got worse. It didn't matter to him so he never did.
*** Present day***
He’d hate to admit that it worked. Or at least somewhat. He didn’t use them much. But he’d occasionally take one if he had important things to do the next day. The anti-depressants had lifted his mood slightly. The numbness was still there but at least some days felt better than others. The birth of Hua Sheng had helped as well since Hua Yong had a tendency to dump the child on him as often as possible to get alone time with Sheng Shaoyou. And in turn all of their relationships had improved. It would always be a bit dysfunctional, but it was as close to belonging he would get.
On this day Shen Wenlang was just supposed to be watching Hua Sheng at the amusement park. Reserving the whole last day to spend it together. He didn’t expect to see Gao Tu like this. After years of looking for him. He looked good. More relaxed than last time he saw him, maybe even since they went to school. And their son, because it had to be, looked so much like him, like them. But he was also with another alpha. They seemed close, walking close together. in a way you only could if you were familiar with the other person. Which meant he found someone else. How his alpha was whining in pain and longing.
It was as if Gao Tu had heard him. He watched as Gao Tu turned around.
“Sorry, can I help you?” Gao Tu took a step forward. Looking at him but not recognising.
Shen Wenlang startled. He thanked whatever star that was in his favour. But how he’d missed that face. That voice. How he longed to walk forwards towards the man. To be able to embrace him after all these years. But it seemed like he had missed his chance.
“No sorry” he said, trying to talk as little as possible. “Let’s go” . He grabbed Hua Sheng's hand and started to walk. Before Gao Tu could come closer. He had to leave now. The further away he went the more pain he felt. But it was too late to regret. Too late he would realise that his scent had slipped out.
*** Gao Tu ***
It was as if Gao Tu sensed someone staring, like someone was calling for him. He turned around and saw someone look at them. He didn’t recognise them but they somehow felt familiar.
As Gao Tu turned around to walk back to Gao Lele and Ma Heng, he smelt a familiar scent of irises. He turned around again. But the scent had disappeared as fast as it had appeared and so had the man. He shock his head. He had probably imagined it. But he couldn't let go of the thought completely. Not when all he could remember was the once strong scent of iris, now had a distinct burnt scent to it.