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All things considered, Cotton was impressed that it had taken Candy this long to crack and give in to the wild range of emotions that surely had been overtaking her every thought. She noticed it from the beginning of their mission, the quiet anger that followed her every action. Every word spoken through a tight jaw and gritted teeth. It had scared Cotton at first if she had to admit, but she understood.
She thought of how Katya came to her, afraid and so desperate to trust anyone that wasn’t another captor. Someone who held her as something to be respected and cherished instead of sold and marketed. She thought of the stories she read of the trade, how no matter how widely known it was it was never stopped. And she thought of Candy who reacted so violently to the news of the missing children so poorly. Sure, everyone in the group had shared their varying levels of disgust but Candy let it fester, let the ugly feelings grow and grow until there was nowhere else it could be contained in the aasimar’s body and it exploded in a fury of flames.
It exploded so fiercely that even Cotton couldn’t even begin to prepare herself in the cramped room of the ship’s hold. No one could, definitely not the crew hand in front of her that she had attacked moments prior. And the blind trust she had in her was knocked out of her as the flames engulfed her very being.
And it's Candy that she last sees before her world tilts and her eyes sluggishly close. And it’s Candy’s fury stricken features that burns its image behind her eyelids as she thuds onto the wooden floorboards.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
Cotton had often read about the afterlife traditions in the books that the Doctor would sometimes discard from his trips outside the lab. The burial rites and memorials for prominent figures and the silent prayers for those less fortunate.
She had often read about the belief of what happened after death, about the quiet, of the heavens and hells you could reach. Of what you would see, who you would meet. If the gods would laugh at your mortality at the way your story came to a close. Or if they would pity you and give you a paradise to hold onto for eternity.
And yet none of her books prepared her for the chill that followed her. The flames that smothered her very soul on the ship seemed like a distant memory in the stillness of it all. Cotton didn’t wonder here, didn’t breathe, didn’t think, couldn’t speak. It was nothing and everything at once. She’s drowning but there’s too much air in her lungs. She’s starving from being fed too much. She’s being held so tightly from the absence of touch. She’s burning in the cold air that slices her healing wounds open. Her silent screams deafen her ears.
She’s whole with hollow insides.
She doesn’t know how long she floated in that space for time is something she had long forgotten, the ridges of her brain scrubbed clean once again. Time collapsed into the silent chaos of it all. Her mind was gone but something— someone— stayed listening, watching. And somewhere, on the edges of her mind did she remember how it felt to be alive. She remembers the colors that bled into her eyes. She remembers the sounds that muted her ears. She remembers the scent of fire. She remembers the feather light touch of death.
And she tastes a name that forms around her cracked lips, a small breath finally taken as reverent as a prayer.
“ ...Candy ”
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
The scene Cotton begrudgingly opens her eyes to is not all the different from the one that she last remembers. The children are still huddled in a corner of the hold, but now Floss stands, crouched slightly to talk on their level in a hushed voice. Toffee is still by the doorframe, but now they are joined by Cupcake and a Caramel with a pensive expression overtaking their faces. They talk animatedly about what transpired as Caramel searches the pockets of the goons sprawled out on the floor.
The biggest difference is what Cotton sees when her eyes adjust to the low light of the room and she turns her attention to the arms wrapped around her frame and notices the teary eyes of the one who she would remember, even in death’s cold embrace.
It seems that the prayer Cotton murmured in her stupor was heard as Candy’s body reanimates itself at the sight of Cotton’s eyes cracking open. She let out a layered breath, the air tickling the skin on Cotton’s face as she stared up at her and saw from the corner of her eyes Candy lower the hand holding an empty potion onto Cotton’s lap. It is then that she registers the bitter taste of Toffee’s potions settling onto her tongue.
“Thank the gods…” she hears Candy mumble, mainly to herself. Candy doesn’t look directly at her, not at first. She seems to register her own words as she finally registers Cotton’s full attention on her. The arm slung around her shoulders burns in a different way. “Fuck— are you alright?” she asks worry seeping into each word despite herself.
Cotton goes to answer, she honestly does, but she feels the smoke within her rise through her lungs and feels like she's burning once again, this time in Candy’s hold. She hears the chatter from the doorway pause slightly as Caramel rushes over and kneels over the two. Cotton tries not to focus on the way Candy’s fearful eyes look up at her through the coughs that ripple through her body in waves.
It doesn’t last for long, the pain of not being able to breathe as Caramel’s slender hands brush her chest and the air feels lighter, less suffocating. The burns on her skin don’t itch and the feeling returns to her weary muscles. A circle had formed around Cotton when she had started coughing and only Floss stayed on the other side of the room comforting the children. No one said a word.
“Let’s go, before anyone else can find us here” comes Floss’ steady voice in the silence that creeped under their skin. “Come on.”
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
The walk towards the apartment from the safehouse is quiet. The weight of the children they saved is lighter on their backs but still present enough to remind them of how much they need to save before it is truly over. It’s silent in a way that gives Cotton a moment to address the emotions swirling uncomfortably in her gut.
She doesn’t realize how she’s lagged behind the group, her body worn out and heavy, her feet dragging against the pavement of the city. She doesn’t realize until Candy walks in line with her and their skin promises the whisper of a touch, a slight brush of her shoulder on her lower arm for just a moment. She snaps out of it briefly, looking up to the rest of the party either talking in muted voices or simply enjoying the peacefulness of the night.
The moons hang high in the sky tonight, the twins illuminating their way home. She looks to them briefly before casting her gaze down to the woman beside her, whose eyes stay trained on the few feet of pavement in front of them as they walk. Cotton wonders distantly if the moon watches her like she does now. If the light that settles on her features follows the curve of her cheeks and the fullness of her lips as she speaks. If the glow on her hair is meant to keep Cotton from acknowledging the world around her, just to hold her in her gaze, illuminated and transfixed. If the moon holds the melody of her near silent breaths over her like a lullaby to sleep.
“...I’m sorry” comes the melody of her voice and it takes a few moments for Cotton to blink away the daze she finds herself in to register that she is being addressed.
It’s followed by more seconds of silence and Cotton can see the anxiety creep up into every crevice of Candy’s small frame as she walks, her steps becoming choppy and uncoordinated.
“For what?” finally comes Cotton’s reply when she’s tried searching in her mind for a reason that would warrant this behavior.
This seems to snap Candy out of her own self-inflicted daze and she turns her head so quickly a soft crack in her neck is heard as she gapes up at Cotton.
“You— are you serious?” she huffs out in disbelief. At Cotton’s silence she speaks again. “I hurt— I killed you”
Cotton blinks. Oh. Well.
“...And?” she replies simply, not quite understanding where the apology stems from anyways.
If Candy’s mouth could open any further Cotton’s sure it would border on pain.
“You— wh- What are you—” Candy stumbles around her words and Cotton is silent next to her as she gathers her thoughts, ever patient. “ And? AND?” Cotton briefly registers that quiet anger again, but it’s different this time. No this anger isn’t rooted in disgust and hatred, it’s derived from confusion, fear, and frustration .
At the slightly raised voice of Candy’s last scandalized “And?”A few of the others glanced backwards, but upon seeing who was talking, yet they quickly turned their gaze forward again. All things considered, she appreciates the sentiment.
Cotton shrugs, trying to calm her own emotions while not stroking the fire of Candy’s. “We hurt the people we love, don’t we?”
It seems the sentence produces the opposite effect, the anger boiling under her skin as if Cotton herself had let her blood on fire. She shakes with force of it throwing up her hands in frustration and refusing to meet Cotton’s eyes once more.
“No— No you don’t not like that ” and Candy seems to recognize her mistake in intentions with a flurry of emotions overtaking her expression in seconds. “What you had in that lab was not love.”
And Cotton is quiet. She has nothing to say, not into the quiet of the night, not into the howl of the wind and not to Candy.
“I’d get it if you hate me, you can hate me you know that right?” Candy whispers, her anger dissipated, her frame defeated. “You should hate me, want to get back at me.”
There’s another moment of silence and before Candy can even think about speaking up again to break it, a hand is roughly ruffled through Candy’s perfectly styled hair, effectively ruining the pristine condition it was in even after a battle. She lets out an offended yelp and slightly jumps away from the other’s touch, smoothing down the sides of her hair with her hands as she looks up more confused than frustrated. It sparks a bell like laughter, not one of warning and apprehension, but one vibrant and of joy.
She didn’t know Cotton could make such a sound, not now, not after tonight.
“There” Cotton nods to herself and her each step seems to free something in her form. “I forgive you.”
A bit of the frustration builds up in Candy once again as she retorts “You can’t just—”
“I hurt you didn’t I? Don’t your looks mean a lot?” Cotton cuts her off for the first time.
Candy blinks slowly. Oh.
Cotton shrugs as they continue down the familiar streets of the neighborhood where their shared home lies. “Hurting people isn’t my style, but you want to be even don’t you? There. I ruined you, now you must spend time undoing my efforts” she says with a smile curled around each word.
And Candy can’t even begin to explain how it’s not the same. She should hate her. Want nothing to do with her. Want to leave Candy behind and never look at her with that look again.
So she doesn’t, she just walks slightly closer to Cotton and matches her steps in the same rhythm of hers. She tries to ignore the weight of the gaze following her every move.
Cotton, with her steps light and airy, wonders again if the moons can recognize the quiet loyalty that fills her every move. The way her eyes overflow with the hushed affection she can’t convey, no matter how many books she’s crammed into the library of her mind.
She doesn’t say anything into the heavy air between them, but her eyes hold the reverence, the awe, the steady, aching devotion of her soul. And if anyone can recognize it, it should be the moons.
And for now, it’ll be enough.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚