Chapter Text
König was a person who seemed more reminiscent of a god rather than a man. Whenever he entered a room, all eyes would go straight to him, captured by the presence of a king. He stood tall above everyone else, literally and figuratively, and he knew it. It was evident in the proud lines of his shoulders, the determined set of his jaw. König was like a god amongst men. And he was your best friend.
For all the time you’ve known him, König was almost like an enigma to you. It’s a strange thing to say, especially since you’re the person who knows him better than anyone else, but there was just something about him that you could never decipher. Perhaps it was the intimate familiarity of König that made him so perplexing to understand.
The different visions of the person you knew seemed to superimpose on themselves, distorting his image until it hurt your eyes to look at. König could capture the attention of the entire room, but sometimes he’d rather blend in with the walls instead. He spoke of the battlefield with a lustful passion, but he flinched at any sudden sound. He smiled unabashedly, but always kept it hidden away behind a mask. How was it that a god could be so vulnerable? It never made any sense to you.
But this predicament never seemed to bother others. It drove you crazy sometimes, the amount of people infatuated with König. They only saw the shallowest version of the man, flocking around him like flies to a carcass, desperate for a taste, often disregarding you entirely. To be brushed aside so easily pissed you off to no end.
Sometimes, your mouth tasted sour with the venom that it held. There were occasions where you were tempted to chime in whenever someone approached König, to reveal his dirtiest secrets in hopes that they would turn away in disgust. The only thing that stopped you was the reaction of König himself. As much as you hated the attention he received, you wouldn’t dare risk your friendship over it.
With nobody to taint their vision, the eyes of König’s admirers tended to linger, worshipping the regal stature of the man who waltzed around like he had the world in the palm of his hands. But you could never follow suit, no matter how much you desired to. If you looked at him for too long, you would never be able to tear your gaze away. Forever doomed to stumble after him, out of reach no matter how hard you tried to catch up.
It tore away at your psyche more than you would like to admit. This was the man you revered more than anyone, and you were doomed to live in his shadow. To be so close, and yet so far was so incredibly frustrating. There were times when you felt like there were universes between you two, König unattainable in every way. It was an achingly lonely way to live.
“Are you alright? You haven’t finished your drink yet,” König asked, snapping you out of your thoughts. At his disgruntled look, you realized that König had been talking to you for some time and you had been inadvertently ignoring your best friend.
He wasn’t wearing a mask today, one of those rare days where he revealed his bare face to the world. You had already spotted several people doing double takes as he walked past, though you were unsure if it was from his handsome features or the heavy scarring that marred them. You grimaced, chewing your lip punishingly.
“If you are not feeling well, then maybe we should have skipped today-”
“No,” you snapped. The thought of missing your traditional outing over something so trivial pissed you off even more. For as long as you could remember, you and König would go out for drinks on the last Friday of the month, no matter how often you saw each other beforehand. And since König walked in and out of your place like it was his own, you were practically attached at the hip. That’s what all your other friends said at least.
You wouldn’t have it any other way, really, but being constantly faced with König’s entire character was bound to affect you one way or another. It was easy for you to be overwhelmed by him, too caught up in his earnest affection.
König fell silent after your outburst, and a quick glance to the side revealed an annoyed frown adorning his face. Fuck, you were making this worse and worse, acting like an asshole for no reason at all.
Sighing, you picked up your untouched drink and downed it quickly, if only to get König off your back. You sneered at the empty glass as if it was the entire reason behind your shitty mood. If you could shoot lasers from your eyes, the glass would be a pile of steaming liquid right now.
König shifted at your side, reaching out to soothe you. Your glare swung to him and he flinched back at the pure venom in your look, retracting his hand like he received a static shock. He looked just as surprised as you felt.
A wave of guilt crashed over you, causing you to hunch in on yourself. Fucking hell. You had been looking forward to tonight, as you always did, and now you were ruining it. Badly.
Trying to repair some of the damage, you forcefully softened your gaze, mouth curving up into an unconvincing smile.
“Mein Lieber…" König said tersely, seeing through your poor facade. His brows furrowed in concern, his own irritation settling after seeing your pitiful attempt of consolation.
Your face dropped immediately, reshaping back into something more downtrodden.
“I’m sorry König, I just had a really bad day,” you explained weakly, pinching the bridge of your nose in an attempt to stave away the incoming headache.
König stared at you appraisingly, eyes roving over your defeated form. There were times when you loved having König’s full attention. To have him focus solely on you was reassuring in a way little else was, making your body heat up and your heart pump faster and faster. It was selfish for sure, but you never claimed to be a great person.
Unfortunately, now was not one of those times. Instead, you felt way too exposed by his scrutiny, as if he would be able to pick out all of your faults one by one. Nevermind the fact that he was likely all too familiar with all your imperfections at this point.
You chose to ignore this fact, the sharpness of your shame unbearable against your skin. König made you better, and yet he made you so much worse too. There was something about him that allowed you to be unfailingly human. Flawed. You hated it as much as you loved it.
Your fingers twitched, aching to reach out and clasp König’s hand with your own. Instead, you looked away, resolutely avoiding König’s steely gaze.
There was another moment of heavy silence before König seemed to come to his own conclusion, slowly nodding in understanding. Once again, he extended a large hand to rub your back, making no sudden movement as if you were a frightened animal to be pacified. When you didn’t react, he took it as the wordless permission that it was, gently running his hand between your shoulder blades and instantly making you feel better. The solid warmth was a comforting weight and your tense posture relaxed ever so slightly.
“I am here if you want to talk about it,” König said sympathetically, dragging his hand up to squeeze the back of your neck, to tenderly caress your cheek. You hummed in assent, eyes closing as you leaned into his touch. You didn’t intend to take him up on his offer but you appreciated the notion anyway. That made you feel even worse though, the fact that he was so willing to support you when you were blaming him for something that wasn’t even his fault.
There was a strange dichotomy between König’s steadfast reassurance and your own mind trying to tear you down, one that made your stomach churn sickeningly. A nasty, nagging voice in the back of your mind told you that you didn’t deserve this kind of treatment. Why should a person like you receive such unadulterated kindness?
And then you caught sight of his wide smile—the endearing crookedness of his teeth and the way the corners of his bright blue eyes scrunched up with delight. It was easy to get lost in your own negativity, but it was even easier to let König dash those thoughts away. It was tiring to be subject to the venom of your own mind, and it was König who would relieve you. Sometimes you were envious, yes, but you would always be utterly enchanted by him, latching on to anything he would give you.
You probably made an interesting spectacle for anyone who bothered to watch, and the thought was almost embarrassing until König soothed it away with his soft words and grounding touch.
He eventually withdrew his hand, much to your discontent, but he didn’t pull away entirely. You both basked in the newfound tranquility for several minutes, finding comfort in the way your bodies pressed together in the shadows of a shitty dive bar.
Somehow, the conflict managed to resolve itself—even if it was just a simple bandage hastily slapped over a weeping gash—and you were relieved beyond belief. It was pathetic, to latch on so desperately to a man who probably felt only a fraction of the same, but you couldn’t help it. You adored König, and to lose him would devastate you.
Something tapped at your nose and you went cross-eyed trying to look at the culprit. König grinned cheekily, lightly flicking your forehead and resuming his regular chatter. You joined in this time, your mood considerably lighter after only a few gestures from König.
His fingers tapped against the aged wood of the table, your heartbeat following its steady rhythm. Your quiet chatter joined the rest of the ambient noise of the bar, both of you caught up in each other. Somehow, despite seeing each other so often, there was always something for you to talk about. Conversation flowed easy with König.
It would have been a perfect rest of the night if it weren’t for the slender hand tapping on König’s shoulder interrupting your conversation. Both of you looked over at the disturbance, only to be faced with someone who would have looked more befitting of a runway than a cheap dive bar.
You were starstruck for a moment, quickly becoming flustered when they glanced in your direction. And then they redirected their hopeful gaze to König. You followed their look, realizing with a sinking feeling that König seemed just as awestruck as you felt.
Any feeling of attraction was dashed away in seconds and you stared, betrayed, at the way König seemed to stumble over his words to greet the intruder. He cleared his throat, tacking on a confident smirk and leaned even closer to them. The few inches of space created between you two felt like a gaping chasm impossible to cross and chill settled deep in your bones.
“Hi there,” the person started with a dazzling smile, peeking at König coyishly. “I saw you when I came in and I couldn’t take my eyes off you since.”
“Is that so? I’m flattered to have the attention of a pretty thing like you,” König purred in response. “Come here often then?”
You wanted to turn away from the scene of them flirting shamelessly in front of your face, but it was like watching a car wreck unfold. Entirely horrific, yet somehow you were incapable of doing anything but watch. The burning feeling of jealousy returned with a vigor, laced heavily with a numbing sort of grief. They fought for control inside of your paralyzed body until you were practically nauseous, swallowing hard to force back the bile rising in your throat.
Eventually, you settled on a quiet fury, your addled mind unable to rationalize any better emotion. A childish part wanted to tug König away so the pair in front of you wouldn’t be so lost in each other. It was the culmination of everything you hated, seeing König shine so brightly and leaving you forgotten in the background. You bit your tongue to resist blurting out something you would regret, all for a desperate chance to be in the spotlight for once in your life.
“Is your friend alright? He looks a little ill.”
You blinked, startled at being suddenly acknowledged. Two sets of eyes—one concerned and one curious—peered down at you, causing you to balk at the attention. König must have noticed that something was wrong, something much more than a simple “illness”. He was perceptive in that way, particularly in regard to you. It made you feel a little funny at times. There were moments when you figured he knew more about yourself than you did.
König touched your arm, a fleeting brush that turned into a firm hold. You stared blankly at the hand that easily encircled your wrist, shackling you.
“...I think he might be,” König said. “I’m going to take him home.”
“Ah, alright,” the person replied. “Well, if you ever want to meet up sometime, just us, I would love to–”
“Entschuldigung,” König grunted, not-so-gently moving them to the side so you and him could pass by. Glancing back at them, you could see a put-out expression on their face, and a jolt of triumph shot through you. It felt good again, to have König’s attention on you rather than trying to seduce the stranger.
Still, the satisfaction wasn’t enough to reassure you entirely. Doubt still chewed incessantly at your mind, envy piercing your heart with its unforgiving claws. You were in a daze, and only König’s unrelenting hold on you kept you moving along. He wouldn’t stop glancing at you with a palpable expression of worry and it was driving you insane.
Eventually, you made it outside, and the miserable dampness in the air didn’t make you feel any better. The humidity was suffocating, pressing on your chest until taking a full breath became an arduous task. König had driven you both, so you figured you would just take an Uber back home to not bother him any further, but he continued to lead you to his car.
“Sprechen Sie mit mir, talk to me mein Lieber,” he muttered, crowding you against the solid metal and cupping your face in his hands. His thumb rubbed the jut of your cheekbone, each subsequent swipe forcing the air out of your lungs. You were practically hypnotized, lost in the way König handled you like you were something delicate, something valuable. You felt like you were on the verge of shattering into a million pieces, only held together by the steadiness of König’s hands.
A loud bark of laughter in the distance snapped you out of your trance, and it suddenly hit you how close König was. Anybody would assume there was something going on, and for some reason that thought sent a sharp pain lancing through your chest. You squirmed uncomfortably, but in this proximity to him, there was zero chance of escaping.
You clenched your teeth, the urge to beg for relief pressing incessantly against your sealed lips. You reached up to peel König’s hands away instead, ignoring his distraught expression as you forced him away and climbed into the passenger seat.
It took you a moment to collect yourself, and when you glanced back towards König, he was still standing where you shunned him so quickly. His head was turned towards something that you couldn’t see, momentarily distracted. You wanted to leap out of the car and force his eyes back onto you, to keep him close to your chest and never let him go.
A complete turnaround from how you acted earlier, and entirely too selfish of you.
“König,” you called out. His head swiveled towards you as soon as his name left your mouth. “Let’s go home.”
“…As you wish.” König refused to make eye contact with you as he climbed inside the car, starting the engine with little fanfare. You felt like the world had fallen out from under you.
The drive back to your place was silent and awkward. You knew for a fact that you were the reason that the night had gone sour. You also knew you weren’t helping diffuse the tension at all, both you and König remaining stubbornly silent. You could tell he was distracted, his knuckles white as he clenched onto the steering wheel. You wanted to pry open his mind and figure out exactly what he was thinking.
You needed to talk to him, that much you realized. But you were so terrified of revealing too much and chasing König off, that your mouth stayed shut. He was already upset, that much you could tell. If you stayed silent, you wouldn’t say anything that would hurt König further. You wouldn’t have been able to get any words past the lump in your throat anyway. So why was it that he seemed to grow more agitated with every minute that passed?
As König drove, you kept darting glances at his profile. His features faded in and out of view with the passing street lights, though not even the stark shadows concealed the tightness of his jaw. Your eyes traced over the strong ridge of his brows, the slope of his nose—crooked from one too many breaks, and the purse of his lips.
He was beautiful. It was a strange way to describe a man like him, but you couldn’t think of any other way to describe it. Of course, everyone knew he was attractive. He wouldn’t be approached by so many if he wasn’t. But you never really had the chance to just look at him. Not like he did with you.
You didn’t realize how hard you were staring until König’s eyes suddenly met with yours, drowning you in the icy blue of his irises. Perhaps it was the shock of being caught off guard that caused the words “I’m sorry” to burst from your lips.
You didn’t even know what you were sorry for. Maybe it was for your words, or your behavior, or your crippling insecurities. Maybe you were just saying it as an appeasement, to try and mend the rift that had split open between you two.
König didn’t respond for a while, sending your heartbeat into a panicked frenzy. But then he softened, almost imperceptibly. His attention shifted back to the road and a large hand reached over to rest on your thigh, right above your knee. He squeezed lightly, and the relief that washed over you made you dizzy.
Hesitantly, you inched your fingers down König’s hand, the pads rubbing lightly against his knuckles. König turned his palm up and you eagerly took the opportunity to thread your fingers together, the roughness of his calluses a familiar scrape against your skin. You leaned back in your seat, letting your eyes slip shut as you dozed for the rest of the drive home.
When you blinked back to awareness, the car was idling in front of your house. It could have been minutes or hours since you had arrived, and König simply let you rest. You chanced another look at him, but he was sitting stock still in his seat, keeping vigil over your vulnerable body.
There were no nearby lights and it was impossibly dark, rendering you unable to see anything on König’s face. You waited for him to do something, but he did absolutely nothing at all. In fact, he seemed to be waiting for you to make the first move.
Your hands were still intertwined, the jagged edges of his nails and torn skin blending in with the rest of the cuts and scars lining his fingers. You hated it when he picked at his nails and the surrounding area, the angry redness always making you wince. König claimed that it was because he had nothing to do with his hands, that they were itching for the weight of his favorite sniper rifle.
From the occasional frantic look in his eyes as he scoured every potential exit in the building, tearing into his own tender skin, you knew it was something else. But out of respect for his pride, you never said otherwise. It wasn’t uncommon for König’s fingers to be wrapped in the multitude of bandages you provided for him, but it seemed today he forwent them all.
You weakly tugged your hand away and König’s grip instantly loosened, and you had to swallow back the hurt that rose up at his apparent eagerness to let you go. König’s arm returned to his side, and distantly you wondered if he was sore. Maybe he was just tired of lingering for so long.
König was looking at you now, or at least you thought he was. His head was turned in your direction but his eyes were too shadowed to pinpoint his focus. You opened your mouth to say something, anything, and then you closed it again.
Feeling like a coward, you slowly opened the car door, climbing out of the car like it pained you. You could feel the heavy weight of König’s stare, pinning you in place. The silent presence of the man still sitting called you back, and like Orpheus you turned around, unable to walk away.
Your hand clutched the car door as you stared into the deep void of the car’s interior. König was a ghost, fading in and out of reality, the edges of his form dancing out of your reach. Something told you that if you walked away now, he would be forever lost.
“König.” Your voice was barely more than a whisper, and there was so much riding on your next action but you just couldn’t move. You tried to say something else but König’s name was the only thing that left your lips.
Your fears chanted around you, whispering vile words in your ears, plucking at your eyes, filling your mouth with rot. You were frozen with indecision, the shadows around you filling your vision until they were all you could see. There you stood, with all the uncertainty and prowess of a newborn fawn.
“Mein Lieber, are you alright?”
You blinked and the shadows dissipated, shooed away by the soft lilt of König’s voice. You hadn’t realized he had gotten out of the car as well, too caught up in your mind. His features were illuminated just enough for you to make out the furrow in his brow.
There was a slight tremor in his words, and in that moment it hit you that König was scared. Perhaps he was just as terrified of him losing you as you were about losing him. It wasn’t often that he showed such blatant fear, and it never failed to make your heart ache with sorrow.
“Yeah,” you croaked. “Yeah, I am.”
Your legs were trembling and you were holding onto the open car door like it was a lifeline, the cold metal a shock against your even colder skin. You were far from alright, and yet you knew with a conviction that you weren’t telling a lie.
A deep inhale. A steady exhale. Your eyes fluttered shut, only opening at the caress of König’s fingers against your jaw. Goosebumps followed the line he traced down to your hand, where he gently pried it off the car door and enclosed his own in it. He shut the door with a soft slam, the sound ricocheting in your ears like a gunshot.
Something caught your eye, gleaming in the metallic shimmer of the car. You looked upwards, admiring the moon beaming proudly in the sky, filling the air with its brilliant glow. Despite that, the stars still shone just as bright. They twinkled down at you, caressing your face with wisps of silvery light.
König tugged your body into his and you instinctively inhaled, the smell of his cologne and the gunpowder that permeated his scent filling your nose. He always seemed to bring war to your doorstep and yet you could never turn him away. You wanted to bury your face in his chest, to hide away from the relentless torment of the outside world. It was easy to do with König. Everything was. He held you close, breathing life into your flesh. You were inseparable, two souls intertwined, made for each other in every single way.
König made you worse, but he made you so much better too. A man with a bloodlust that was unnatural, a man who could barely stand to be in a large crowd for more than ten minutes, had shaped you into someone who was human and imperfect and as alive as he was. It is said that God made man in his image, and how true it was. You were so faultlessly mortal, bound to make the same mistakes as the deity who created you. Maybe you were more similar to König than you realized.
There was always something unattainable about him, the way he towered larger than life. This, you understood better than everyone else. He was so terribly brilliant that it hurt. How could such a person like him exist?
At first, you thought you were fated to fall behind, to live permanently in the shadow he cast. The length of his strides were longer than yours and you always scrambled to catch up. You were so tired of running.
Somehow, it never occurred to you that you could stop. That you could finally rest your weary legs, your weary heart. If you called out towards König, he would halt in place, and turn around, and rush right back to you. If you simply shifted where you stood at König’s side, you would be bathed in the light of the moon rather than be lost in the endless void. It never occurred to you. Perhaps you were too enshrouded in darkness to see what was right in front of your face. How foolish.
Your mouth opened to say something, anything. König waited for you, endlessly patient as you fumbled for your words.
“Come inside?” You finally breathed, no louder than the rustling breeze that soothed your skin. But König was always listening to you, always watching you.
He smiled warmly, placing a soft kiss on the heated shell of your ear. “I would love that mein liebster.”
You reached out to grab the edges of König’s form, solid in reality, and it felt warm to the touch.