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The crunch of ice and snow beneath bootfalls echoes within the alleyway.
Dabi's hands are stuffed into his pockets as he makes his way down the path, to the fire escape of the side of a building. The sound of creaking metal fills the still quiet of the chilly night air as he climbs it.
Settling on the roof, he stares out at the distant buildings. Normally this would be dangerous, with all the heroes patrolling, but the air is far too crisp for the average person this high up, so it's safe enough. His quirk keeps him warm, and the height keeps him out of sight.
He'd needed to get away from the others for a while. Toga's constant spiel about the holidays and how they should celebrate was getting insufferable.
When he was younger, when he was Touya, he can hardly remember the holidays being the happy and joyous time people would consider it being.
Christmas somehow felt colder than it should be. Not because of the falling snow or the chilly air, but because of the stifling atmosphere within their house.
You'd think that living under the roof of a man with a fire quirk, it'd be warm and cozy. But then you'd of course remember that it's Endeavor, so, of course.
Though, it wasn't really always like that.
At first, it was normal enough, he thinks. His mother and father would shower their first born in gifts and joy and love.
Their first born they were so happy to have, so proud of, that they'd beam when he babbled at them.
And when his quirk came in, all the more joy, playing with his two younger siblings, taking care of them. He's going to be a hero after all! Heroes take care of people!
Of course that didn't last very long, as they learned that his quirk hurts him; his body not suited to it. And in his father's eyes, a failure. A waste.
And so they had another child, one last attempt at correcting the smear on the oh so great Todoroki name.
When Shouto was born, on that cold January day, the chill of his existence seeped into their very bones. Into the walls of their home, the floors beneath their feet, the ceiling over their heads, pressing in from all sides.
As Dabi, the joy he vaguely remembers are mere fragments, they're so distant in the past.
So when Toga said she wanted to celebrate, his scars itched.
Itched like they were freshly healing, like they were raw.
He doesn't know how to celebrate anymore, doesn't know if he ever really knew.
He doesn't know if he'd be able to pretend to enjoy himself, or how he'd react if he actually does enjoy it.
Because his true wish is to be able to do that freely. But alas, his bastard of a father still breathes, and when he does take his final breath, most likely so would he. So it doesn't seem to be in his realm of possibilities.
Though, he supposes, that's really all a wishlist is for.
Wishing and hoping and dreaming for
things you want, but you know deep down isn't really possible.
Looking at a particular building, an apartment complex, he sees a little family eating dinner through open curtains.
A father, a mother, a young girl and two boys, one older than the other two.
It's what he would've had in an ideal world.
It's what he used to wish for on particularly cold nights, curled up beneath his futon, bandages around the wounds littering his tiny body and the cold indifference in his father's eyes seared into his heart.
The father in the window ruffles his eldest son with a smile just as the first few specks of snowflakes begin to fall, and Dabi thinks maybe having a little wish might not be so bad.
It's not going to come true, he knows, but he still wishes.
On a whim, he reaches out to catch a snowflake like he's seen others do.
And he makes another wish. He wishes that at least the future will be better.
That as much as Toga is a little brat, as much as Twice can be annoying, as much as Shigaraki is an ass, as much as Compress is a showy snob, as much as Spinner is a Stain kiss ass, and as much as Kurogiri has a stick up his ass......he gets to keep them.
As much as he loves and doesn't deserve you, he gets to keep you anyway.
He wishes that he can keep his new family this time, wishes that they'll keep him too. Wishes that at the end of all of this, maybe he can actually be happy.
Who knows? Maybe it'll be a Christmas miracle.
*****
The snowflakes melt before they can touch his skin.