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Never in her life had Jhoanna ever thought of herself struggling because of love life.
It was funny. Funny to the point that it was irritating. Who would have thought that a simple girl like her, living her university life peacefully, would suddenly get a call from her mother asking her to bring a date at the weekend?
Hindi next week. Ngayong week!
She definitely did not expect to receive that call on a sunny Thursday morning on the way to school when she had exams and activities to think of.
"Ma! Anong date? S'an ako kukuha n'yan?"
"Kahit saan, ' nak . Basta nage-expect ang mga tito't tita mo na may makilala sila sa darating na Sabado't Linggo."
"Mami naman! Kung meron naman, ipapakilala ko eh. Sinong dadalhin ko d'yan? Anong trip ng mga kapatid ni Daddy?"
"Hindi ko rin alam, pero siguro concerned lang sila sa'yo. Nakikita kasi nila puro ka lang pag-aaral ."
"Syempre, ma! 'Di ba 'yun 'yung gusto n'yo?"
"Oo, pero hindi rin naman masama mag-jowa, ' nak . Gusto na ng papa mo na may kilatisin ."
Jhoanna rubbed her forehead. Seven o'clock in the morning and she was stressed because of this request. She had just turned down a date yesterday, and now, she was somewhat regretting it.
"Tingnan ko, Ma. Hindi ko maipapangako. Bahala sila. Nasa school na 'ko. Bye."
She ended the call and sighed. Two days before the weekend and she had to find a date to bring to the weekly family gathering. Love life was the last thing she had in mind at the moment.
She understood why her family was forcing her, though. She was the only one who was single in their family, even her cousins younger than her already had love interests they had been introducing to the family. It always blew her mind how they were able to just dive into the relationship so easily while Jhoanna was struggling.
She was choosey, probably. But hearing stories and testimonies about how men were treating women like trash, and cheating became a character everyone should look out for, Jhoanna couldn't trust anyone.
She sighed, shaking her head and throwing the dilemma for later. She had a lot of exams and quizzes to take seriously, and lately, she was getting stressed because of studies. She didn't even sleep well last night, pulling all nighters for the upcoming hell week.
She was already near the entrance of the campus when she saw a figure outside the gate. Her eyes squinted and her brows furrowed upon realizing who it was. The simple white fitted shirt tucked in a blue pair of pants, brown straight hair let down with her hairband rolled up to her arm instead of her wrist gave it away.
"Ate Colet!" She waved her hand happily, running toward her with a huge smile.
"Dahan-dahan, Jho," Colet worriedly said, looking out for her in case she'd trip.
"May hinihintay ka? Ba't nandito ka sa labas?" Jhoanna asked. "Ay teka, 'di ba mamaya pang hapon class mo? Ba't nasa school ka na agad?"
Colet raised a small paper bag that she had been holding. "Dinalhan kita ng snacks at water, kainin mo habang nag-eexam ka. May payong din d'yan, baka kasi umulan mamaya, sabi sa forecast uulan daw sa hapon."
Jhoanna accepted the paperbag, looking at what were inside and like what she said, there were various of small snacks that could be eaten while taking the exams, a bottle of water, and a black umbrella. She appreciatively looked at Colet.
"Aww... Sinamahan mo na nga ako magpuyat kagabi, gumising ka ng maaga ngayon, tapos may paganito ka pa. The best ka talaga, Ate Colet."
She engulfed her into a hug, grateful for all the effort she had done for her even if she didn't need to ask. Every day, Jhoanna was thankful for having Colet in her life. She always thought she was independent, not until Colet helped her in everything without even the need to say it.
She considered her as her bestest friend—the one who would climb mountains and swim oceans for her, the one who would always be there for her to save her in anything, the one ready to protect her, the one ready to sacrifice with her.
Colet patted her back softly. "Sige na, Jho. Galingan mo. After ng exam mo, diretso ka sa coffee shop ni Mikha, nando'n kami."
Jhoanna nodded, wanting to hold her hand but she knew Colet wasn't fond of touching. "Thank you ulit dito, Ate Colet. Anong gagawin ko kung wala ka? Napaka swerte ko na may best friend akong katulad mo."
Colet scoffed, pushing her shoulder lightly. "Ewan ko sa'yo. Sinasabi mo lang 'yan 'pag may binibigay ako sa'yo."
"Luh. Totoo kaya! Sa'yo ang title na bestest-"
"Shh! Pasok na. Bahala ka d'yan." Colet turned her back and walked away. She didn't want to hear more of it.
Jhoanna watched her for a while with a grin, for some reason, she knew Colet would turn around, she always did. After thirty seconds, she was correct, Colet turned around to check on her, and she furrowed her brow upon seeing her still there.
She chuckled and gave her a flying kiss, but Colet only rolled her eyes, but there was also as suppressed smile on her face.
The request from her mother almost ruined her day, but thankfully, Colet was there to save her, like always.
---
"I vote for Ate Colet."
"Hala! Anong ako? Ayoko!"
"I second the motion."
"Me too, I volunteer Colet."
"Ba't pa hahanap ng iba, eh parang jowa mo na nga 'yan."
"Mga boang! Best friends lang kami ni Jho."
"Hindi naman namin sinabing hindi? Magpapanggap lang naman kayo sa Saturday and Sunday. After that week, tapos na."
Jhoanna had shared her problem with her friends already. They were in Mikha's small coffee shop business, and this had been their official gathering place. Eight noisy girls, and few entertained customers.
A voting and nominating for volunteer wasn't really what Jhoanna had expected as their solution when she shared that problem to them, but here they were now, uniting against Colet to take that spot of pretending with her on Saturday.
"Ayoko, baka maging awkward kami ni Jho," Colet firmly refused, needing to sip on her iced coffee because she was feeling hot already.
""Wag n'yo na pilitin si Ate Colet. Hanap na lang natin iba si Jho. May naiisip ba kayo?" Maloi asked the other girls. "Baka may suggestion kang tao, Jho?"
Jhoanna frowned, no one really came in her mind. "Wala pa 'kong nade-date. Wala akong maisip."
"What if isa sa mga basketball players ng-"
"'Wag 'yon. Mga baliw 'yun," Colet protested, frowning at the idea of one of those men coming near Jhoanna knowing how awful those men were.
As they gave names and suggestion, Colet's face was crumpled the whole time. She kept on countering their suggestions, saying the bad side of each guy the girls were dropping.
"Last na, 'yung classmates mo na lang, Ate Jho. Si Gian ba 'yun? Mukhang disente naman siya," Sheena suggested. Her eyes weren't on Jhoanna but on Colet, waiting for whatever she was going to say to counter the suggestion.
"Ay pwede..." Jhoanna agreed, thinking of Gian as a possible candidate because she was close with him and was also smart. "Message ko wait."
She took her phone and looked for Gian's number. She also felt confident about Gian that her family would like him. Though, she only saw him as a friend, but knowing him, he could pass as her boyfriend.
However, before she could even type a message, a hand snatched her phone and turned it off. She looked at Colet with a surprised face, but soon changed into an annoyed one.
"Ano na naman?" she asked with a furrowed brows. Her tone was edgy. "Anong masasabi mong masama kay Gian? Mabait 'yung taong 'yun."
The other girls also looked at her and waited. They also wanted to note the attitude she had been showing earlier. At this point, they knew she was just making negative things just so Jhoanna would not consider the names.
Colet's decision was important for Jhoanna. She valued her ideas and opinion in everything. However, this time, Jhoanna knew Gian, and there wasn't anything negative that could convince her that he wasn't the perfect choice for this fake dating.
"Mas maliit sa'yo 'yun hindi kayo bagay," Colet replied, crossing her arms as she looked away. Even she was embarrassed by her lame excuse.
Everyone was silent for a few seconds by that comment. The past comments to the other candidates were valid, however, this one was just plainly ridiculous. The height was the reason they didn't expect.
"Ate Colet, one last time, I'm going to ask you," Mikha said after a while of silence. "Would you volunteer yourself to pretend as Jhoanna's lover at the weekend?"
All eyes were on her, especially Jhoanna. She didn't want to volunteer earlier, then she should at least help on choosing the perfect person for this. But she was only criticizing everyone so they didn't know what she really wanted.
Colet sighed, sort of relieved that asked again. "Ang papangit ng mga choices n'yo kaya ako na lang. Mas okay pa 'ko kaysa sa mga 'yun eh."
"Actually... May anger issue siya," Sheena said to Jhoanna while pointing at Colet. They were jokingly doing the same criticism that she had done earlier.
"Ay, oo. Tapos parang mahirap kasama," Maloi added.
"Parang baliw rin," Stacey joined in.
"Mas maliit din sa'yo, Jho, hindi kayo bagay," Aiah commented which earned loud laughter from the other girls and a scowl from Colet.
"Tigilan n'yo ko ha." Colet rolled her eyes. Jhoanna was just beside her, and for some reason, she couldn't look at her.
"Ayan, solved na ang problema mo. Bahala na kayo mag-usap kung pa'no gagawin niyo. I'm sure naman very natural na lang sa inyo 'yun," Gwen said, meaningfully eyeing the two in front of her.
The other girls agreed, yet the two seemed clueless to what they meant.
+++
Friday.
Instead of going straight home after the class, here Jhoanna was, roaming around the mall with Colet, looking for something, or anything, that they could buy to look like a couple. This time, they were in a jewelry store.
"Ito kayang couple bracelets? Ang ganda oh flowers tapos pili na lang tayo ng favorite colors natin." Jhoanna pointed at the boxes of golden bracelets, particularly to the tulip pendant with a small green stone.
Colet pursed her lips. "Parang mag-best friend lang tayo d'yan. Ito, couple rings, mas maganda tapos mas kapani-paniwala."
The ring was cool. It was simply two shiny silver rings in a box, one a little thicker than the other, and obviously what a usual real couple would buy.
"Parang engage naman tayo d'yan, beh. Kakaiba mag-isip pamilya ko, baka bigla na lang tayong ipakasal," Jhoanna joked, but it wasn't entirely impossible from happening because asking her to bring a date for a simple family weekend was already mind-blowing for her.
Colet only snorted. Despite agreeing to the pretense, she also couldn't help but find her family ridiculous for pushing her to date. Or it might just be that she couldn't bear seeing Jhoanna dating yet or being with another person other than her—the best friend.
Among the eight of them in the circle, the two of them matched each other the best and became best friends. Colet was the dependable type for Jhoanna, but Jhoanna was also the person Colet was depending on in some things. A reciprocated friendship.
But even if they were closer, they also treated the others with closeness, though the two of them had somewhat a bubble of their own in their circle of friends.
"Necklace kaya?" Jhoanna suggested when they were passing by the displays of necklaces. "I think mas makikita 'to na couple tayo."
"Alam mo beh, ikaw na lang bahala. Kahit ano okay lang sa'kin," Colet surrendered. After all, whatever Jhoanna liked, she knew she would agree and let go of what she wanted.
In the end, they chose a couple necklaces with the first letters of their names. Colet wore the J's necklace, and Jhoanna wore the C. It felt weird, especially when they helped each other wear it. There was something faint inside them that felt a little awkward and should be ignored.
Other than the couple necklaces, they also bought some things for couples—couple watches, couple bags, couple hoodies, couple shoes.
"Ang OA ng mga pinamili natin. Parang 'pag nakita tayo ng mga magulang ko, hindi couple unang maiisip nila, parang twins na tayo rito."
Colet cackled at the comment. The amount of paper bags they were carrying with the same items went overboard. They bought a lot when in fact they were just going to pretend for two days.
"Kung hindi pa naman ma-convince family mo rito, ewan ko na lang, Jho."
They walked to Jhoanna's car, feeling more than satisfied with what they bought. It was Friday evening, and they would go to Laguna tomorrow morning.
"Pa'no pala gagawin natin bukas? Pupunta lang tayo r'on tapos bahala na?" Colet asked, putting on her seatbelt as she looked at Jhoanna on the driver seat.
"Kailangan natin sila ma-convince na ano, tayo talaga gan'on, kasi kung hindi, baka i-setup na lang nila ako sa mga anak ng kaibigan nila."
For some reason, there was also slight awkwardness inside Jhoanna. She couldn't properly express that they were going to pretend to be lovers. She had never seen her Ate Colet that way before.
Colet scrunched her nose up. "Pa'no nga gagawin natin? Pa'no 'pag nagtanong sila kung pa'no tayo nagkakilala, kailan naging tayo, or 'yung mga usual na tanong ng magulang? Ano isasagot natin?"
"'Wag na natin ilayo 'yung story natin. Nagkakilala tayo sa school, common friend natin si Shee, tapos nagkagusto ka sa'kin-"
"Uy kapal."
Jhoanna scowled at her. "Story nga kasi, 'di ba? Sa pamilya ko tayo magku-kwento kaya dapat mahaba hair ko."
Colet chuckled. "Oo na. Oo na. Gusto kita, oh tapos?"
"Tapos gusto rin kita."
The answer made Colet feel warm. It was just a story, a made-up one for the sake of their relationship background for tomorrow, but it was making her heart skip a beat. She was sure she only saw Jhoanna as her best friend. They couldn't be more than that. She couldn't lose what they had.
Jhoanna continued to storify their fake relationship. She sounded very casual while telling it, she was driving and her eyes were focused on the road, so unaware of how good she was at making up stories that it was affecting Colet.
"The rest na hindi nabanggit tapos may tanong, ako na lang sasagot. Basta tatandaan mo mga sinasabi ko para hindi tayo mali-mali. Ayos ba?" Jhoanna glanced at her and nodded proudly.
Colet shrugged. "Siguro. Ikaw na bahala bukas. Basta susunod lang ako sa'yo."
"Okay, baby. Ack!"
Colet's eyes widened as her head whipped to Jhoanna's side. Jhoanna was looking at her, definitely waiting for her reaction as she laughed upon seeing her face. She frowned. "Eww. Baby ka d'yan?"
"'Yan tawagan natin sa harap nila. Tandaan mo bukas ha."
"Ang corny naman. Hindi ako sanay." Colet rolled her eyes, faking disgust.
"Bukas lang naman saka sa Sunday. Kaysa naman Ate Colet tawag ko sa'yo edi mahalata tayong hindi totoo. Ano 'yun, jowa tapos ina-Ate?"
"Oo na. Ang dami mo namang sinasabi. Basta kung ano na lang magawa ko bukas. Hindi naman kailangan perfect, mas better kung natural."
"'Sus. Galing pa talaga sa'yo eh nerbyosa ka. Bumaba ka na nga. Nandito na tayo sa condo mo. Susunduin kita bukas ng five ng umaga ha. Kahit ano isuot mo, 'di naman tayo papa-impress."
"Oo. Bye, Jho. Ingat ka pag-uwi... Baby."
Colet closed the door of the car and turned her back, walking in her condo quickly. She was embarrassed, and it was because of her own doing.
On the other hand, Jhoanna couldn't help but laugh silently, watching Colet's retreating back until she was inside. She knew Colet was blushing, she was the type to blush in simple acts like this.
For some reason, she was excited tomorrow than nervous.
+++
"Kinakabahan ako, Jho. Pwede ba mag-backout?" Colet's feet felt heavy as they stopped right in front of the gate of the Robles'.
Jhoanna looked at her with disbelief. "Luh. Isang hakbang na lang papasok na tayo, magba-backout ka pa. Hindi sila masungit, promise!"
Still, Colet remained unmoving. She was easily nervous, especially when it came to talking to people, and thinking that these people she was just about to meet weren't just ordinary people but the family of her best friend was something shaking her inside. The fact that she was just about to fool them added to the anxiety.
Jhoanna knew how introverted Colet was. The first time they met, she was distant, and she wouldn't talk to her unless she started the conversation. Sheena was a huge help, she was funny, and they had a common thing to laugh at, which caused them to slowly get closer. The first topic they always had was about Sheena.
Other than her and the other six girls, Colet never looked for other friends anymore. Her circle of friends revolved around them. When Jhoanna asked why, she answered, Tinatamad ako. Pito na kayong sakit sa ulo.
"Pa'no ko sila babatiin? Magma-mano ba 'ko? Beso? Sa kanilang lahat? Pa'no 'pag 'di ako nagustuhan? Iiyak ako talaga." Colet was obviously overthinking the situation, and Jhoanna couldn't help but find it cute to see her like this.
Seeing her riled up over something was something new in Jhoanna's eyes. Colet never showed this kind of weakness frequently. She always had the strong font, and sometimes she would break down over something serious. But seeing her like this in a simple 'fake' meet-the-parents event was somehow funny.
"Mag-bless ka, syempre. Kung sino pagmamanuhan ko, 'yun lang din. 'Wag ka nga masyadong mag-isip. Tara na."
Jhoanna opened the gate and beckoned Colet inside. The creaking of the gate indicated their arrival, and her family gathered in the spacious front yard glanced at their side, eyeing her with full of expectation.
As Colet stepped in their gate, the pretense began. Her family made a noise of shock and amazement. Jhoanna wanted to roll her eyes. Kunwari pa nagulat eh ito naman gusto nila.
Jhoanna reached out for Colet's hand, awkwardly holding it in a loose grip. They both only realized now that they had never really frequently held each other's hands and that it was awkward for them now that they were fully aware of it.
"Hoy, Tin! Sino 'yan?" one of her cousins bravely asked, excitedly waiting for them to get near.
Jhoanna rolled her eyes at them. "Hindi makapaghintay?"
She went to her parents and to her aunts and uncles, greeting them politely. While taking their hands to put on her forehead, she wasn't letting go of Colet's hands either. Or Colet wouldn't let go of her hand because she was holding her tightly as she also did the same greeting.
"Ma, Pa," Jhoanna greeted her parents. She pulled Colet closer to her so they could stand side by side. "Si At- Si Colet po. Uhm... Ano ko po, girlfriend."
"Ba't parang 'di ka sure, anak?" Her father asked jokingly, observing Colet and their tightly clasped hands. "Colet? Kailan pa naging kayo? Bakit hindi ko alam?"
"Bago lang kami-"
"Si Colet tinatanong ko, anak. Mamaya ka na."
Jhoanna slowly closed he mouth, pouting at her father for stopping her in explaining. They had agreed that she would be the one answering all of the questions and she just had to listen, but she wasn't completely expecting that her father could be insufferable at times.
"Ah... Bago..." Colet looked at her, tightly gripping her fingers as if asking for help. "Bago lang po kami. Last week lang po."
"Eh bakit sinabi niya nung isang araw wala raw siyang date na dadalhin kasi wala pa siyang jowa?" Her mom asked this time, squinting her eyes as if suspicious of the two.
"Syempre, ma! Bago pa nga lang, 'di ba? Hindi pa kami ready sa meet the family na trip n'yo. Napilit ko lang siya," Jhoanna immediately replied with a frown.
Colet was amazed with how natural it was for Jhoanna to lie and make up an excuse. She delivered it well too, if Jhoanna would tell it to her, she was sure that she would also believe it. Ang convincing umarte.
"Pa'no kayo nagkakilala?"
The questioning started. Thankfully, Jhoanna had briefed her already about what answers they should say when asked about possible questions. Honestly, Colet felt like they were having a quiz, and Jhoanna was her smart classmate that she was copying the answers from.
"Ano trabaho ng mga magulang mo?"
"Dy naman. Akala mo naman ikakasal kami kung makapagtanong ng gan'yan. Wala pa nga kaming isang linggo."
"Aba! Kung magjo-jowa ka na lang din, patagalin mo na hanggang asawa. Dapat sa mga susunod na weekend gathering natin eh nandito ka ulit, Colet. Hindi pwedeng pumunta si Tintin 'pag wala ka."
"Daddy!" Jhoanna immediately reacted, complaining to her father as her eyes screamed alarm as she looked at Colet.
"Busy po si Ate-" Jhoanna internally smacked herself. The comment of her father was making her lose her composure. "Si Colet. Busy siya sa mga bagay-bagay, 'di ba?"
She nudged Colet to support her. She didn't want to bother her weekly just for this. Colet was the type to spend her weekend alone for self-care, so she didn't want to steal that by attending their family gathering.
"Ha? Mas uunahin mo pa 'yang mga bagay-bagay kaysa sa girlfriend mo? Hindi ba kayo magkasama tuwing weekend?" Her dad added, looking at Colet with furrowed brows as if judging her already.
"Hindi naman po sa gan'on, Dy. May sariling-" Jhoanna wasn't able to continue what she was going to say when she felt a squeeze on her hand.
Colet shook her head at her before facing her father. "Tama po kayo. Sige po, pupunta po ako every weekend, Tito."
Jhoanna widened her eyes at her. This wasn't the answer she wanted her to say. Their fake relationship shouldn't go past this weekend. She couldn't drag her best friend in this forever, and their lie would later on be doomed if they let it go on for so long.
Colet only looked at her as if saying 'mamaya natin pag-usapan', then she continued talking to her father, who looked happy and for some reason, very fond of Colet. Jhoanna somehow felt bad.
How would they react once she told them the truth? That Colet was just there because they pressured her to have a date and she volunteered? That they were supposed to stop this facade as soon as the weekdays came.
But here they were, digging their graves deeper.
"Ano nagustuhan mo kay Ate Tin, Ate Colet?" Her youngest cousin asked. This was the cousin who brought his girlfriend in their weekly gathering even though he was the youngest, probably the reason why her parents promoted her to look for a date.
Pahamak na bata.
"Bakit parang may gusto kang sabihin diyan sa tanong mo na 'yan ha? Dapat nga ako magtanong niyan sa girlfriend mo kasi maasim ka tapos sadboi pa. Yuck!"
"Huy," Colet stopped her, unaware of how natural it was for this family to throw insults at each other without getting pissed.
"Ikaw nga hindi naliligo tapos mabaho pa paa. 'Kala nga namin walang magkakagusto sa'yo dahil do'n eh kaya nagtataka kami may dinala ka ngayon."
"Aba! Ikaw na bata ka-"
Jhoanna was about to run after him but Colet immediately pulled her back and stopped her from leaving her side. She couldn't be left alone yet. She hadn't remembered all their fake relationship stories yet so she was afraid of saying something wrong.
"Dito ka lang," Colet told her, holding Jhoanna's hand using her two hands and putting them on her lap.
"Ang clingy naman ng jowa mo, Tin," another cousin commented, glancing at their clasped hands with a teasing smile.
It made Jhoanna look at it, too. They had been holding hands the moment they got in, and they had never let go since then. This was actually the first time they held each other's hands for longer than a minute. It was awkward at first, but eventually, they became comfortable that they didn't even notice.
Colet was never the clingy type, and Jhoanna, too. They were best friends, but there were just some sort of boundaries in terms of physical touch that they felt awkward whenever they touched hands.
Pasmado ako, nakakahiya. Colet would think to herself.
Parang ayaw niya. Jhoanna would also assume.
But right now, having their hands intertwined tightly together, even though it was starting to become moist, no one wanted to let go. It wasn't even because they needed to pretend, but there was just some silent comfort that they couldn't say loudly with holding each other's hands.
It was a new feeling.
The questioning was halted when it was time for lunch. Jhoanna's cousins were kind and funny, it was just Colet who was a bit stiff and shy that she was still silent and would just laugh along when they were also laughing.
"Kain na kayo. Tin, Colet, kumuha na kayo rito bago pa kayo maubusan ng mga pinsan n'yo," Jhoanna's mom told them, beckoning them to get the food they wanted.
"Ikaw sa food, ako sa drinks?" Jhoanna asked Colet, but it shouldn't really be a question. It was a habit they always do without saying.
Colet would always get their food, and Jhoanna would get their drinks and, if needed, their utensils. They were told it was something that only couples do, but they begged to disagree. Look at them, they were only best friends but they were doing it.
The whole time, they spent their time with the family. Colet learned that they were doing it as a tradition to remain close to each other as a request by their grandmother. Colet actually had no interaction yet with her, but she could feel her eyes on her the whole time, as if trying to assess her.
"Bagay na bagay kayong dalawa."
Jhoanna and Colet, who just came from the bathroom for their nightly routine were surprised to see her still in the living room and seemingly waiting for them just to say that. This was the only time she approached them and commented about their relationship.
"La," Jhoanna said, smiling at her widely. "Syempre po, hindi pipili ang apo niyo ng hindi niyo magugustuhan."
She eyed Colet, who also glanced at her, as if telling her to ride on the pretense because it was her grandmother, someone she couldn't disappoint among all of them in her family.
"Nakikita ko nga. Kahit bago pa lang kayo, parang... matagal niyo ng mahal ang isa't-isa."
Jhoanna and Colet were caught off guard by the comment. They looked at each other but looked away shortly after, they couldn't hold each other's eyes longer than a second for some reason. There was suddenly awkwardness from the comment.
Ano ba naman 'tong si Lola. Fake nga lang tapos sasabihan ng gan'on.
"Ah.. parang gan'on nga po, La. Matulog ka na. Dito kami ni Ate- ng baby ko." Jhoanna pulled Colet by the shoulder and smiled at her grandmother, desperate to cover how awful she was of remembering their endearment.
The old woman smiled pleasantly. "Sige. Matutulog na 'ko. 'Wag kayong maghihiwalay, mga apo."
Colet coughed. Her face was red—one from being called a baby by Jhoanna, the other girl having no ounce of idea how much it had an effect on her, and the other was by the grandmother's reminder about their relationship. Fake breaking up was bound to happen, but on a good note, they would still be best friends.
Technically, hindi kami maghihiwalay. Colet thought to herself.
"Tin, okay lang naman kung magkasama kayo sa room, 'no?"
"Opo, Ma! Hindi naman namin first time magtabi." Jhoanna's mom squinted her eyes at her, and Jhoanna immediately panicked. "I mean, hindi first time kasi friends kami before maging kami, Ma! Ito iba na naman iisipin."
"Wala akong sinasabi ha. May tiwala ako sa'yo, Tin. Sige na. Pumasok na kayo at matulog."
Mrs. Robles hugged Jhoanna, kissing her on her cheek, then also hugging Colet warmly. It was like a silent way of telling her that she was welcomed in the family now as Jhoanna's girlfriend.
The two went into the room. It was Jhoanna's room. A room painted with white, posters of her favorite movies on the wall, a huge cabinet for her clothes and things which told how organized she was, a clean wooden study table at the side with piles of notebooks because she liked to write, and a simple double-sized bed.
"Hays, na-survive natin ang first day!" Jhoanna exclaimed, sighing loudly as she just let herself fall on the bed. She felt like her whole system came back after the whole day of pretense.
Colet sat on the edge of her bed, looking at Jhoanna who was already relaxed, legs and arms sprawled on the whole bed.
"Hindi naman masyadong mahirap," she whispered, meant it for herself because that was how she really felt, but Jhoanna looked at her curiously.
"Huh?"
Colet looked away. "Wala. Sabi ko ang galing natin magpanggap, napaniwala natin sila."
"Kaya nga." Jhoanna laughed. "Sinabihan pa tayong matagal na nating mahal ang isa't-isa. Hindi man lang sila nagduda."
"Magaling ka kasi mag-imbento ng kung ano-ano," she casually replied, pushing Jhoanna's arm and leg. "Umusod ka nga du'n. Matulog na tayo."
Jhoanna moved and gave her space to lie down. Then it was silent.
They were just both looking on the white ceiling. Jhoanna noticed the small cobweb at the edge, reminding herself to clean it tomorrow. She glanced at Colet, afraid that she might see it and she would really be embarrassed if she did, but instead, she met her eyes.
"Huy! Nagagandahan ka na naman sa'kin?" Jhoanna jokingly asked, waving her hand in front of Colet's face. This was the question she always asked whenever she'd find her staring at her.
Why was she staring? Jhoanna had no idea. She couldn't read her mind, so she would often assume that.
"Ga'no katagal natin patatagalin 'to?" Colet asked in a bit of a serious tone. "Masyado nating napaniwala ang pamilya mo, ayaw na nila tayong paghiwalayin. So, hanggang kailan tayo magpapanggap?"
Jhoanna hummed, thinking of the plan. "Actually, desisyon mo 'yan. Sabihin mo lang sa'kin kung ayaw mo na para makapag-plano ako kung pa'no tayo maghihiwalay."
Colet slightly frowned. Everything sounded so casual for Jhoanna.. "Pa'no kung kaya ko magtagal sa ganitong setup? Magbigay ka kaya ng date, isang buwan, dalawang buwan, tatlong buwan?"
There was something in Colet's tone that seemed persistent to get a deadline. She looked concerned, and it wasn't even about Jhoanna, something she was scared of for herself.
"Sige. Tatlong buwan. Every weekend lang naman, or kapag nand'yan sila."
Colet nodded, staring at the ceiling again. Silence enveloped them, both had thoughts of their own. Jhoanna was just plainly thinking of something light, like how she would tell her parents lightly that she and Colet broke up but still remained friends.
Nag-downgrade po 'yung relationship namin, best friends na lang po kami.
On the other hand, Colet was thinking of a more serious uncertainty. She has a lot of what ifs playing in her mind. She was known for bravely telling her thoughts, so she decided to voice out her concern that had been bugging her since the night she agreed to this setup.
"Pa'no kung..." she hesitated a bit. She felt Jhoanna move her head to look at her again, waiting for what she was going to say. "Pa'no kung mahulog ako sa'yo, Jho?"
"...ha?" Jhoanna froze as she stared at Colet. It was a possibility she didn't even consider, or had never thought of yet. She wasn't there yet.
What if one of them fell for each other?
Jhoanna shook her head as she chuckled as if what she heard was ridiculous and something not to be taken seriously.
"Baliw! Hindi pwede. Best friends tayo."
+++
"Ito na pala ang mag-jowa eh. Kumusta meet-the-parents nung weekend, Ate Colet?" Stacey asked, teasingly looking at the two who were just approaching their table.
It was another Thursday, which means the 'friends' day, the usual time they'd meet each other every Thursday at Mikha's coffee shop. It was also the time they would catch up on what had been happening in their lives.
This time, everyone had been looking forward to meeting Jhoanna and Colet.
Colet shrugged, while Jhoanna raised her thumbs up. "Masyado kaming magaling kaya pinapabalik si Ate Colet every week."
"Hala!" Sheena reacted in surprise before laughing loudly. "Totoo? Pa'no 'yan? Tototohanin n'yo na?"
"Huy baliw! Hindi!" Jhoanna immediately reacted, shaking her head firmly.
Colet looked at her for a while, a bit hurt by how strong she reacted to that. "Hindi pwede. Best friends kami."
"Oh? Ano naman?" Maloi couldn't help but ask in confusion, looking at Colet then to Jhoanna then back to Colet.
"Anong ano naman? Syempre, alam namin limit namin. Hanggang du'n lang kami, at saka, as if naman may mafo-fall samin, 'di ba, Ate Colet?"
Colet nodded as she chuckled, taking Mikha's drink and sipping on it first before replying, "Oo. 'Di naman kita type, uy!"
Jhoanna gasped, holding her chest and feeling offended. "Kung hindi mo 'ko type, edi ang baba naman ng standard mo."
Colet snorted. She reached for Jhoanna's face, holding her by her chin with gritted teeth. "Oo, mababa talaga standard ko. Mababa."
Jhoanna glared at her and shooed her hand away, crossing her arms because suddenly, her mood became sour and a strange feeling of annoyance entered through her brain. Hindi pala type ha. Hindi kita kakausapin.
Colet was amused. She looked at Jhoanna, who had her back turned at her. "Hoy, ang arte mo. Anong problema mo?"
Jhoanna didn't answer. Instead, she took the menu and looked for what to order, completely ignoring Colet and her calls. She stood up, going to the counter to order for her drink.
As expected, as soon as she did, Colet also stood up, following her wherever she was going.
"Hindi na 'ko nagtataka kung bakit hindi sila nahalata," Mikha said while watching the two acting like a couple having misunderstandings.
"Nakaka-concern lang. Parang hindi maganda patutunguhan nito," Maloi said, feeling something concerning in their situation. A possible ramification that could ruin something treasured. "May hindi ba nafo-fall sa fake dating?"
"Wala," Stacey answered with a giggle. "Pero hindi niyo ba nahahalata? Kahit hindi nangyari 'tong fake dating ni Jho, may... possibilities sa dalawang 'to. I can see the vision ika nga nila."
"May point si Stacey. Ngayong nasa fake dating sila, mabubuksan 'yung mga utak nila sa possibilities sa pagiging more than best friends," Gwen added.
They wouldn't always be mistaken as a couple if they weren't acting like one. They might look at their actions as something that best friends do, but given their situation, fake dating would serve as an eye-opener.
It just depended on how they would react to it.
"Let's just make sure to be there when things get messy. I feel like it will be messy," Aiah said, while everybody agreed.
"Ano order mo, Jho? Ako na oorder, akin na. Libre ko."
Jhoanna rolled her eyes. "May pera ako. Saka may utang ka pa nga sa'kin."
Colet frowned. "Bilis na! Ba't ba kasi gumagan'yan ka? Gusto mo ba masabihang ikaw type ko para hindi ka na magalit d'yan?"
"Hindi, duh! Bakit naman ako magagalit dahil sa simpleng gan'yan lang."
"Eh bakit ka nagagalit ngayon?"
"Kasi..." Jhoanna thought of any reasons why she was unreasonably acting like that. "Kasi hindi mo pa sinasabi sa'kin 'yung type mo. Ang tagal na nating magkaibigan."
"'Yun na 'yon?" Colet asked in confusion, looking at her with furrowed brows. "Pwede ka naman magtanong kaysa magalit ka d'yan."
Jhoanna clicked her tongue. Hindi niya talaga maintindihan. But to be fair, Jhoanna couldn't understand herself as well. This was a very petty thing to be mad about. She didn't even know what she needed to receive to stop this feeling.
"Alam mo, 'wag na natin pag-usapan. Ano ba order mo?" Jhoanna tried to change the topic, dismissing the strange feeling inside her. There was no explanation on why she was acting like that.
Colet just let her. She put her arm on Jhoanna's shoulder, and finally this time, the girl didn't react and just let her. "Kung gusto mo malaman ang type ko, tingin ka sa harap."
Jhoanna did as told, looking in front of her and came face to face with the cashier. She was not too young, probably early thirties, her brows were furrowed, her eyes strict and seemingly always grumpy. She didn't expect Colet's type would be like her.
"Type mo si Ate?" she asked in confusion with a hint of disbelief and amusement. Her voice was even quiet, whispering it to her as she didn't want to offend the cashier staff.
"Ewan ko sa'yo, beh," Colet just said, rolling her eyes as she stood straight and put her hands in her pocket.
Jhoanna was genuinely confused. She looked at the cashier again, wanting to know what Colet might like about her because she became her type. Yes, she was stressing herself out for this.
However, suddenly something fell and the cashier crouched to pick it up, leaving her staring at nothing but her own reflection on the huge mirror on the wall in front of her.
May salamin pala rito.
+++
Five weeks.
They had been pretending for more than a whole month already and they were somehow getting used to it—the holding hands, the hands on the shoulder, the hands around the waist, the hugs, the skinship, the endearment.
"Oh, tubig." Colet put down the glass of water in front of her.
She smiled. "Thanks, by."
Even in texts, when they were with their friends, when they were alone, and even without the eyes of Jhoanna's family, instead of their names, they were getting used to calling each other baby.
Still, Jhoanna would say there weren't really any major changes in their relationship other than they had become sweeter. At least that was what she knew.
Every weekend, the ones falling in love with Colet were her family. They liked her so much that they kept on praising her and how she took care of her girlfriend, which was Jhoanna, even with simple things.
Her mom even talked to her about how much she trusted Colet now.
" Maalaga si Colet, Tin. Panatag kami kasi kasama mo siya tuwing nasa Manila ka."
"Opo, Ma. Gan'yan na po talaga siya dati pa."
"Mahal mo ba siya?"
"H-huh? O-opo! Syempre naman. Jowa ko 'yun eh. Ma naman! Ba't n'yo po natanong ?"
"Parang mas mahal ka kasi niya, pero parang may pumipigil din na ipakita niya 'yun. Kaya baka sakali lang na hindi mo binabalik . Aba, anak, botong-boto ako kay Colet kaya ayusin n'yo."
Jhoanna could only concede. It was true. She felt safe whenever Colet was with her, but being pushed to Colet when she only saw her as a best friend was something she was still slowly considering.
For her, nothing major had changed yet.
Was she waiting for these changes? She didn't know.
Would she be open for that change? Maybe.
But she wanted it to be natural. She didn't want to feel it because people kept on pushing her to Colet. She wanted to develop her feelings conventionally like how others fall in love, something worth remembering.
"Tin, Colet. Sumali kayo. Maglalaro tayo! For couples lang."
Currently, it was Sunday, and it was one of her cousins, hence they were having a small birthday party with games. Usually, Jhoanna would just be eating at the side, watching them play a couple games, and commenting on whatever embarrassing she would see.
But this time, she was no longer the spiteful single cousin because she had brought a girlfriend and she had to join them now on their game.
"'Wag n'yo na kami isali. Mahiyan 'to!" she shouted back at them, pointing at Colet as an excuse.
"Sige na! 'Pag sumali may two thousand, 'pag nanalo, may five thousand."
"Ha? Sino may sabing mahiyain 'to? Hindi 'to mahiyain, makapal mukha nito. Tara na, sayang five thousand!" Jhoanna pulled Colet's arm, dragging her in front where the others were already lined up.
"Ano ba laro?" Colet asked, scratching her forehead in sheepishness.
"Kahit ano pa 'yan, kailangan natin manalo," Jhoanna replied with conviction, but the motivation to win for money was just a bit funny to her as well.
Jhoanna's cousin took a box of Pepero from the table. "Ito ang game. Paiklian ng Pepero stick na matitira, pero ang thrill, naka-blindfold yung isa."
"Ha!?" Jhoanna reacted loudly, definitely wasn't expecting that popular game among couples. The game was enough to make the two of them blush. "Edi lugi kami!"
"Bakit? Hindi pa kayo magki-kiss?"
"Kuya!"
If they weren't blushing enough, now everybody could tell how red their faces were, Colet even had to walk a distance and fan herself because it was suddenly hot when the wind was already cold. Jhoanna glared at her family who was laughing at their reaction, and surprisingly, even her parents.
"Hindi na kami sasali. Bahala kayo d'yan. Balik na tayo r'on, Ate Colet."
"Ate Colet? Ate Colet tawag mo sa jowa mo, Tin?" one of her cousins asked.
Jhoanna's eyes widened. "Huh? Ah, oo. Ate Colet tawag ko d'yan nung hindi pa kami. Nasanay lang ako. Pero baby ko talaga 'yan."
She pulled Colet to her side and wrapped her arms around Colet's shoulder, and maybe it was because of the fear of being caught that she pulled her face toward her and kissed her cheek. It was quick, unintentional, and barely there, however, the effect it made was huge.
Colet instantly froze on her spot, stunned by what had just happened. Jhoanna had already pulled away from it with the same mixed surprised expression on her face for what she did, but the warmth and wetness of the kiss lingered on her cheek.
It was actually the first time she kissed her cheek, she could even feel the hotness of her breath, and she was at a loss for words. Their faces remained close, Jhoanna's arms were still holding her by her shoulder, but there was also surprise on her face for what she did.
Jhoanna distanced from her a bit, her face looking as if she was sorry for what she did. Colet just gave her a weak tight-lipped smile. Of course, she didn't mean it.
"Okay, game na! Sumali pa rin kayo, may 2k naman kahit matalo."
They were given a stick of Pepero, and usually, Jhoanna would shake in excitement to eat it, but looking at it with Colet in front of her knowing what they had to do with it, her heart wouldn't calm down.
"Sino iba-blindfold sa inyo?" They were handed the blue handkerchief, and no one actually wanted to take it.
"Ako na lang?" Jhoanna asked hesitantly. Gagawin ba talaga namin 'to for 2k?
Colet nodded, having the same hesitance in her eyes as she took the handkerchief. She blindfolded Jhoanna, moving closer to her to reach for the other end, tilting her head to see both ends as she tied it.
Jhoanna, on the other hand, had her breath held back. Colet was so close, she was basically hugging her, and all she could smell was her alluring scent. She couldn't move, feeling like one wrong tilt of her head, she'd kiss her cheek once more.
Colet took a step back, taking the Pepero stick and held her hand instead to guide her. They were both quiet, not awkward, rather anxious for what they had to do.No one wanted to say anything. Kung ano mangyari, bahala na.
"Game na ba lahat? In one minute lang ha. Lagay n'yo na sa bibig n'yo."
Bakit ba kasi ito pa naisip nilang laro? Hindi naman ganito dati. Jhoanna thought, couldn't say it loudly because she felt the other end of the stick on her lips for her to bite. Suddenly, everything felt warm once more.
The thought that their faces were just a Pepero stick apart was making her insides go wild. She didn't know what it was, but this reaction must be normal... right? Thinking of the possibility of kissing their best friend would also make their heart beat faster, hands cold, and lips dry... right?
Ang OA ng tibok ng puso ko, akala mo sa Olympics maglalaro .
"One minute lang. Ready na? Go!"
The time started, and Colet started biting the stick a little carefully and a little slowly. She was holding Jhoanna's hands tightly, making sure she wouldn't move, making sure nothing would deepen their awkwardness toward each other.
"Thirty seconds!"
Jhoanna's brows furrowed. There were short movements, but she couldn't even feel her getting nearer. Gumagalaw ba siya? Ba't antagal?
"Gumalaw ka naman," she said through gritted teeth, careful not to break the stick.
Colet was purposely slowing it down, only nibbling on it like a rabbit eating its carrot, but for her, she was slow. She was very careful not to get near those pink thin lips right in front of her eyes.
She was only staring at her lips, and her thoughts had been fighting. There was an urge to push forward, but there was also a doubt that she wouldn't be able to stop herself and probably forget the game and just grab the chance. Push and pull.
Maybe she could risk all that they had for this one short moment, risk her best friend and succumb to the temptation of kissing her.
But no. She shook that thought away and continued to eat a bit faster, biting it until their noses bumped, and once again, she slowed down.
They were both holding their breaths, and Colet was careful, tilting her head so she could at least bite more until it was small. She was intently staring at the one-inch small stick in between their lips. She was careful so their lips wouldn't touch.
"Five seconds!"
Maybe it was because she was blindfolded, and the sudden rush from the announcement of time that made Jhoanna charge forward a bit to feel something, to feel how small their stick was, or if they were winning. But instead of feeling that, a soft pair of lips touched hers, the sudden small movement caused their lips to brush. They kissed.
Oh my god!
Jhoanna stepped back in shock, she let out a soft gasp as she took off her blindfold. Her eyes were wide, her hands on her lips, and equally shocked at the sudden contact.
Oh my god!
Colet wanted to curse deep inside her. She needed help.
That kiss was like an eye opener, or a heart opener, or a feelings opener. Everything just suddenly felt clear, and she just suddenly wanted more—more of Jhoanna's lips after having a taste of it.
Anak ng...
She was having mixed emotions right now that she was having a hard time keeping—scared for her heart that was beating painfully loud now, feeling sorry for what it would go through in the coming days, angry for beating like this for her best friend, and frustrated that it knew what was coming.
She had fallen. Unfortunately, for her best friend.
They lost. Jhoanna's cousins called it disqualified because Jhoanna mindlessly swallowed all of it and there was nothing to measure. Nonetheless, they still got two thousand.
Jhoanna didn't know if it was worth it. There was obviously an awkwardness between them after that game, and they hadn't uttered a word since the game ended until now that they were on their way to the bedroom.
She couldn't deny the effect it had on her, how fast her heart was beating every time she'd think of it, or how she'd feel it again because it lingered. It was still there. She couldn't look at Colet's lips the same again. She was her first kiss.
Was she ready for the change? Maybe
.
Was she developing feelings? She didn't know. She didn't know how to know.
She looked ate Colet. They were already on the bed, and she already had her eyes closed, but it had only been five minutes since they lied down, it was possible she was asleep immediately. Siguro ayaw niya pag-usapan?
She decided to keep quiet, too, turning her back from her and maybe forced herself to sleep. This was their position whenever they sleep. They had their backs turned to each other, but as one of them woke up in the middle of the night, they were already in each other's arms, their faces were so close, and a perfect time to stare without being caught.
The next morning, no one would say anything. They would greet each other good morning and pretend they weren't cuddling, pretend as if they weren't stopping themselves from kissing the other, pretend as if they weren't thinking of something more than a best friend should think.
Those nights never let Colet sleep peacefully. They were the dangerous nights for her, the nights that always let her wonder freely with her thoughts of what ifs. The nights she let herself fall freely without stopping, in the dark, in silence.
She thought she could endure three months without catching feelings in this kind of setup, but it had only taken one weekend, and she was already getting in the grave she dug for herself.
Also, that kiss. That freaking kiss now got her thinking. Would she be fine with this setup? Would she be fine always yearning in the dark? Would she be fine just suiting herself with pretending knowing her feelings inside was no longer a pretense?
Or had it even been a pretense for her?
No.
She had been slightly crushing on her best friend before, but she thought it wasn't serious. It wasn't this serious. Maybe all along, being her best friend was the pretense she'd been doing because deep inside her... She wanted more than that.
"Jho..." she softly called, still had her eyes closed. "Sorry."
Jhoanna looked over her shoulder. There was confusion on her face, but she might have an idea of why she was sorry. Or so she thought.
"Sorry saan? Sa kiss? Wala 'yun! Ano ka ba! Wag kang mailang. Best friends pa rin tayo."
It was supposed to be a talk to comfort and to lessen the awkwardness, but why did Jhoanna feel like the atmosphere only thickened? Why did it feel like she said something wrong? Why did the word best friend suddenly sound so bitter to say?
Colet clenched and unclenched her jaw. She heaved a sigh. She wanted to let out a sarcastic laugh. Wala 'yun? Wala lang 'yon sa kanya? Sa'kin lang pala may epekto?
Nonetheless, Colet was still sorry, but it wasn't because of the kiss. Sorry dahil nahulog ako, Jho.
"Good night, Jho."
That night, Colet turned to the other side, trying her best to lock herself in that position instead of looking at Jhoanna again, instead of silently yearning in the dark once more, instead of further hurting herself.
She was scared, and she had decided, maybe a few steps back wouldn't hurt. Maybe she could endure until her feelings were gone and she could treat her back as her best friend again, or maybe she could prepare her heart first, gain courage and then confess.
But either way, both needed distance, and she actually wasn't sure herself if she could do it for so long.
She tried her best not to turn to the other side, no matter how much numb her other whole arm already, but everything was just futile when she woke up at around four in the morning and an arm was snaked around her waist, and Jhoanna's warm body enveloped her into a back hug.
Her heart beat faster once again, and this was the very reason why she urgently needed to keep herself away.
Jhoanna should have known. When Colet held her hand the whole Sunday, kissed her cheek for the first time before they parted when she dropped her off in her condo, and when she received an I love you, Jho. Good night text when she rarely said that word.
She should have known.
+++
Colet was scared.
She didn't want to pretend anymore. She wanted to end this thing with Jhoanna knowing how dangerous it was for her heart. She had fallen, and Jhoanna obviously would never reciprocate that.
She wanted it to end, but at the same time, she didn't want to. She couldn't understand herself. If she would continue whatever she had going on with her, she would just fall, it would be one-sided, she would just hurt herself.
But if she stopped, she would be hurt as well, thinking of ignoring Jhoanna, not being able to be closer to her, not talking to her, not laughing at and with her, it was making her weak already.
But it had to be done. She didn't want her gone in her life, so she would prefer enduring this short time of ignoring Jhoanna and coming back to her without any feelings, staying as her best friend for the rest of their lives.
Tama naman siguro 'tong gagawin ko.
She took out her phone and message Chie.
"Free ka?"
+++
Something had changed.
It was Thursday. Jhoanna went alone, which was a new sight for the girls because she never went alone. Colet would always wait for her class to finish so they could go together, because as much as Jhoanna wouldn't go alone, the same was for Colet.
"May nangyari ba, Jho?" Maloi asked, sounding concerned, looking at the others as if saying this exactly was what they were waiting for.
"Wala! Okay pa kami nung Sunday. Niyakap pa niya ako nang mahigpit bago kamii maghiwalay. Tapos ngayon, halos hindi ko siya makita. Busy ba siya? Pero kahit naman busy siya, palagi naman siyang nagme-message sa'kin. Pero bakit ngayon walang paramdam?"
She looked at her phone with a pout on her face. There was not even a single message from Colet the whole day, her usual good morning was gone for almost a whole week now, and she would only reply if she would message her first but that was just about it.
The girls looked at each other, looking at Jhoanna with sympathy. They were going through it.
"Hanggang kailan ba kayo magpe-pretend? Baka ayaw na niya."
"Bebe!" Maloi glared at Sheena for not even trying to filter her words.
Jhoanna was struck with that possibility. It was possible. She might want to stop it already, but wasn't she supposed to say it to her instead of making her overthink things?
"But it's too shallow to ignore you if she just wants to stop this arrangement. Don't you think... it can be deeper like..."
Feelings.
Something had changed.
Jhoanna could feel it, it was so obvious, Colet wouldn't even try to hide it. The frequent unseen messages with cold replies, and one answered call after ten missed calls said it all.
Colet never did it to her before.
Jhoanna frowned, dialing Colet's number one more time because it was Saturday, she was late in their family gathering. She was outside of Colet's building, waiting for her to come out, or wake up, or finish whatever she was doing so they could go together, but until now, there was no answer.
"Nasa'n na ba 'yun?" She asked herself as she ignited her car. It was on the fifth ring when it stopped and was finally answered, but there was silence on the other side. "Hello?"
"Jho?"
"Bab- Ate... Ate Colet, sunduin na kita? Kanina pa 'ko naghihintay."
"Sorry, Jho. May gagawin ako this weekend. Hindi ako makakasama." Her voice sounded small and low.
"Ah... Sige. Sabihin ko kila Daddy. Next week ba?"
"Hindi ko pa sure, Jho..."
Then there was silence. Jhoanna wanted to say something, but she was scared. Maybe she just wanted Colet to end the call so she wouldn't ask. But Colet was the type to wait for her to end the call first.
"Ayaw mo na ba?" Jhoanna asked straightly. She swallowed the lump in her throat, tapping her foot on the floor as she drummed her fingers on her legs. There was a certain answer she didn't want to hear.
"..."
Jhoanna nibbled on her lower lip in anxiousness. "Kung ayaw mo na, sabihin mo ha. Alam ko namang may ginagawa ka rin every weekend at gusto mo rin i-spend 'yung time mo sa sarili mo. Hindi mo 'ko kailangan iwasan, Ate Colet."
Colet, who was just sitting on her bed, closed her eyes. She clenched her jaw, finding it difficult to breathe. "Sige, Jho. Sabihan kita. Ingat ka."
The phone ended, and Jhoanna was shocked, or even hurt. Pinatayan niya 'ko.
Something was wrong, and Jhoanna didn't know what. Did she do something wrong? Did something happen? Was she going through something? But why was she not telling her?
She sighed. She still decided to go to Laguna, and it was never the same feeling again anymore without Colet by her side.
She missed Colet already. They were together almost every day, not a day went by without seeing her face, but a whole week already and she hadn't even seen a glimpse of her. She missed her, not as a best friend, but as her girlfriend, thought it was fake.
Something had changed.
Was she ready for the change? Yes.
Did she develop feelings? Yes.
---
Three weeks straight that Jhoanna hadn't seen Colet and she stopped coming with her, or even showing her face to her. She saw her one time, but she was rushing, seemingly going to something, Jhoanna was sure she saw her, but she chose not to stop.
It hurt her. Just how fast the situation changed, one moment they were so sweet, she was getting used to it, and she never wanted the weekend to end, to this one that she couldn't even see Colet, she felt distant, making her feel awful.
Jhoanna missed her. She was yearning for her presence. There were a lot of times she tried reaching out, she looked for her, but it was so hard to find a person who didn't want to be found.
Hindi mo nga talaga mare-realize ang halaga ng tao hanggang sa mawala siya.
But she waited. She waited patiently. Maybe Colet needed time. Maybe her Ate Aiah was right. She might be experiencing some sort of realization just like what she went through.
The time without her made her realize her own feelings. How much she loved the idea of Colet being her real girlfriend having a taste of that in their fake dating. Thinking that someone else would experience that hurt and annoyed her.
She was on her bed in Laguna. It felt empty. Looking at the space beside her, there were no eyes that would always look at her, only the scent of her perfume left on that side, making her miss her more.
Jhoanna took her phone and typed a message to Colet.
Wish you were her e, baby.
Colet stared at the phone. The message sent shivers down her spine though it was sent last night. She couldn't even sleep properly, she just rolled on her bed, screamed, and kicked the air.
It was a mistake to check that message before sleeping. Really. She was moving on, but at the same time, she couldn't stop reading and waiting for Jhoanna's messages, not to say that she had her notifications on set only for Jhoanna's contact.
She also couldn't stop looking for her or watching her even from afar, she couldn't stop reminiscing about their time together as fake girlfriends. She couldn't stop her feelings.
It wasn't easy. She felt like going crazy. She thought distancing herself from Jhoanna would help subside her feelings, but how come it was only getting stronger? Every time she would see her looking at her with those sad eyes, the urge to get near her was potent.
Was this even worth it?
"Umamin ka na kasi."
Colet looked in front of her. Chie was sipping on her strawberry milkshake, watching how she bit her lip while reading Jhoanna's message again and again.
"Para ano? Masabihang best friends ulit? Hindi na. Alam ko na 'yung sagot niya."
Chie shook her head and clicked her tongue. "Duwag."
Colet frowned. "Ano? Hindi ako duwag. Sigurado ako."
"Tatawagin ka ba niyang baby kahit hindi kayo okay kung walang feelings 'yan sa'yo? Minsan iba ang lumalabas sa bibig ng tao sa talagang nararamdaman niya. Try mo kasi, Cols. Pinahihirapan n'yo lang sarili n'yo."
Colet sighed. "Pa'no 'pag na-reject ako?"
"Edi saka ka lumayo. Maiintindihan ni Jhoanna 'yon, perocitong ginagawa mo, sinasaktan mo lang siya. Wala pa nga kayong nasisimulan, nagmo-move on ka na."
"Ganon talaga. Alam ko na kasi kahahantungan ko. Gusto ko umamin pero lagi niyang nababanggit na best friends lang kami, eh anong magagawa ko r'on?" She aggressively sipped on her drink, however, it was so cold that it made her grit her teeth.
Chie only laughed at her. She reached out for her hand and smiled at her. "Magtiwala ka sa'kin. Umamin ka. Tama na 'yang pretend-pretend na 'yan. Hindi naman weekend ngayon, bakit ka pa magpe-pretend?"
It was a quiet Monday afternoon. Colet had probably gained courage from Chie's word. Maybe there wasn't anything wrong with trying. Maybe it was time to admit her feelings to Jhoanna instead of moping around, swimming in what ifs.
Tama siya. Hindi naman weekend ngayon.
However, when Colet looked past Chie's head, she saw two familiar faces, phones in hand and seemingly had just captured them in a picture. Their eyes met, and she thought only Jhoanna could make her heart beat so fast that she was going to die, but upon seeing them already running, her heart almost dropped to her feet.
Pus--
"Huy, parang nakikita ka ng multo?" Chie asked, looking at the place she was looking at.
"Y-yung mga pinsan ni Jhoanna..." Colet gathered her things and took her phone, sending a message to Jhoanna to look for her. "Kailangan ko siyang makausap bago pa makarating sa kanya."
Jho
Asan ka?
Jhoanna's eyes widened upon seeing a notification message from Colet. She was in the school's garden, it was her vacant, and not many students were around so it was peaceful to study.
She wasn't expecting that message from her, at a random time of Monday afternoon, with her thoughts on her notes instead of their current situation, but she wasn't complaining.
Garden. Punta ka?
As soon as she sent it, a call showed up. She thought it was Colet, but the name surprised her. Kakakita lang namin kahapon ah?
Daddy calling...
She immediately answered it in confusion. "He-"
"Jhoanna, break na ba kayo ni Colet?"
"Ha? Hindi, Dy. S'an mo nakuha 'yan?" Jhoanna asked in shock. Somehow, she could sense that something was wrong. There was no way that he would ask that question without any basis.
"Edi niloloko ka pala niya?"
She creased her forehead, putting down the pen and taking off her glass. "Ano, Dy? Hindi siya gan'yan."
"Eh nakita raw ng pinsan mo may ka-date na iba eh. Ngayon ngayon lang. Sinend sa'kin yung picture, sabi ko i-send sa'yo. Tingnan mo nga. Magkaaway ba kayo ngayon?"
What she heard from him made her stop and freeze. She looked at the ground, didn't know what to think. Hearing this with clear feelings toward Colet made it hurt. This just made it clearer that she indeed had feelings for her. Feelings deeper than she thought.
"Hindi po." Hindi ko po alam.
"Tingnan mo, anak. Nandito lang kami ng mommy mo. Kami ang pupunta d'yan."
That line. She would only hear that line whenever something wrong was going to happen, and when they knew that she was going to cry.
For some reason, Jhoanna didn't want to move. She put down the phone and just like what her father said, there was a message coming from her cousin.
Two images.
She mindlessly opened it. Colet and Chie, the girl she had been vocal in naming as her crush before. A crush turned to a friend. Seemingly a friend would turn into something else now.
They were holding hands, but the way Colet looked at her with a fond smile made her feel some negative emotions that were familiar. She felt like this whenever Colet would be with other people and if she would choose them instead of her, but she would choose not to say it because it was weird before.
But she would feel these extreme emotions twice whenever Colet would be with Chie, especially when Colet would be the one to ask Chie out right in front of her face. For her, it was rude. How could she ask someone else to go out when she was just right in front of her?
But she didn't voice it out. For her, she had no right to stop her from who she wanted to hang out with. She thought it was just a normal feeling a best friend would feel during times like this. But she was so clueless about her own feelings.
Jhoanna scoffed. Bakit ngayon ko pa 'to nare-realize eh wala naman ng pag-asa? Siguro mas better kung mag best friends na lang nga kami. Mas better magpanggap na lang para walang away, para hindi kami nagiiwasan.
"Jho! Jhoanna!"
Two feet came into her view from looking at the ground. A familiar pair of shoes that she gifted her before. Jhoanna didn't look up. Her breath was shallow, her tears threatening to fall.
"Jho, kailangan natin mag-usap. Nakita ko 'yung mga pinsan mo-"
Jhoanna looked up at her with a glare. "You mean nakita ka ng mga pinsan ko, tama? Nahuli kang may ka-date, si Chie. 'Yan 'yung reason kung bakit mo 'ko pinuntahan, kaya ka nagpakita, 'di ba? Kasi nahuli kang may dinedate na iba."
"Sorry, Jho-"
Jhoanna stood up, making Colet step back. She knew her emotions, the faces she made, and could immediately tell that something was wrong with just her expression, and this one, Colet was sure was something she should be scared.
"Sinabi ko na sa'yo, Ate Colet. Kung ayaw mo na, sabihin mo para masabi ko sa mga magulang ko. Pero anong ginawa mo?Kaya pala hindi ka na sumasama kasi may dinedate kang iba. Kasama mo si Chie. Nahuli ka nila at ang alam ng parents ko, cheater ka."
"Jho, hindi kami nagde-date. Magkaibigan lang kami. Pwede kong sabihin 'yon sa kanila. Magpapaliwanag ako."
Colet tried to hold Jhoanna's hand, but the younger squatted her hand. Jhoanna was trying her best not to cry, but her tears were already freely failing. She was biting her lips so hard as she angrily looked at Colet.
"Para saan pa, Ate Colet? Mahirap bang sabihing ayaw mo na? Para akong tangang nagiisip kung anong nangyayari, bakit biglang nag-iba 'yung trato mo, panay overthink ako kasi baka may nagawa akong mali tapos ganito lang pala? Ayaw mo na palang puro ako ang kasama? Mas gusto mo pala si Ate Chie."
"Hindi 'yan totoo, Jho. Kumalma ka. Makinig ka sa'kin. 'Wag kang umiyak-" Colet tried to get near her to wipe her tears, but Jhoanna shook her head.
She had had enough. She didn't want to get hurt anymore. Colet was obviously disinterested in her. They didn't have a chance.
She stepped back, wiping her own tears as she decided. "Itigil na natin 'tong pagpapanggap na 'to, Ate Colet. Tama na."
She wanted to laugh at herself. She was so pathetic. Fake lang naman 'to pero bakit nasasaktan ako?
Jhoanna should have known this might happen. She should have risked her friendship with Colet over this stupid dating pressure. If she had only known this would happen, she should have just chosen Gian. She should have just chosen anybody other than her.
Bakit ba 'ko pumayag? The idea of how her best friend was being a girlfriend interested her. But now that she had experienced it, she had fallen, and she wanted her to fall, too. She wanted Colet to only do those things to her and not to any other.
The waiting outside the room, the snacks and meals every exam, the bag carrying, the protective arm on her waist as they walk on the sidewalk, the acts of service, her whole presence, her whole attention.
Jhoanna wanted them all to herself. She didn't want her to give them to anybody.
But she couldn't say that anymore, not when they had literally just broken up.
It must probably be rude but she didn't want to hear anything from Colet for now. She turned her back and started walking away.
"Jho..." Colet called her softly, or desperately. "Gusto mo ba 'ko?"
The question made her stop from walking. Jhoanna wasn't expecting that question, but having no chance in her mind, she looked again. Though a bit sharp.
However, before she could even open her mouth, Colet spoke again. "Ako kasi, hindi."
"Eh bwisit ka pala eh!" Jhoanna felt a sharp pain in her chest. That confirmation hit harder than she thought.
"Hindi kita gusto kasi mahal kita." Colet took a step forward, a new found determination on her face. "Mahal kita, Jho. Gusto ko ulit mag-sorry. Sorry kasi nahulog ako. Sorry kung gusto kong sirain 'yung pesteng best friend na boundary na 'to kasi mahal na kita."
They stared at each other's eyes. Jhoanna could see the desperation in Colet's face, how she had been keeping these words inside her for so long and now they just keep on bursting out.
"Hindi ko alam kung kailan nag-iba 'yung meaning ng 'I love you' ko sa'yo gabi-gabi, pero may part don na hindi na dahil kaibigan lang ang tingin ko sa'yo. Mahal kita at hindi ko kayang umatras at bumalik sa pagiging best friend mo kaya umiwas ako."
"Nung... nag-kiss tayo. Doon ko na-realize na hindi ko kayang makita ka or lumapit sa'yo ulit na hindi iniisip kung gaano ko ka-gustong maulit 'yon. Ang unfair n'on para sa'yo kasi best friend lang ang tingin mo sa'kin."
Colet bit her lower lip. She stared at Jhoanna, a light of hope was in her eyes. "Kaya kung gusto mo rin ako, sabihin mo na sa'kin. Alam mong lagi kitang sasaluhin. 'Wag na tayo magpanggap. Sila 'yung dapat niloloko natin, hindi sarili natin, Jho."
It wasn't weekend today. Colet had had enough of pretending. She wanted to be real even for the sake of herself. There was just a huge relief inside her to have said those words, to have finally confessed how much she loved Jhoanna.
Jhoanna was a bit stunned hearing all of those. Who wouldn't? Colet was the type of person who wasn't good with words unless she had prepared for it. This wasn't a sudden confession, she had thought of this, and to have said this articulately from her heart that she felt it, she might have been having feelings for her for so long.
"Napaka galing mo magpanggap," Jhoanna replied, wiping her tears. "Pero tama nga. Itigil na natin ang panloloko sa mga sarili natin."
She stretched out her hand. Colet looked at it. "Tumalon ka na d'yan sa best friend zoned. Totohanin na natin 'to...baby."
Colet bit her lip, a sigh of relief coming out of her lips as she took Jhoanna's hand. She pulled her with force and claimed her lips again. This time, it wasn't accidental, it wasn't short, no one jumped in surprise.
They both caved in, cherished it, and kept it innocent. As Jhoanna pulled away, Colet almost followed her, never wanting to stop.
It was Monday, a weekday, the start of a new week, new clear feelings, new relationship, and the end of their weekend pretense.
"I love you, too, Colet. From Monday to Sunday."