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The last few days had been a whirlwind of chaos from Penny's stab wound being enchanted and the soul factor Eliot’s new boyfriend was behind. Everything hit everyone hard , yet Eliot stood there like a brick wall -- probably a safety mechanism but Q couldn't get through it till one night... The cottage had been silent for hours now , whatever students were left was passed out drunk so that left our much taller male , curled up on one of the sofas -- alone , no Margo and no irritating fan boy to bother him..
Just silence..
This wasn't the first time he had been nursing a bottle wine or port -- the stronger the better just so it could switch off his brain -- he wanted to outweigh the bad with the good but his lingering , morning mind traveled back to that sound...
ＣＲＵＮＣＨ
Eliot retched , not from the intoxicating amount of drugs and booze in him but from the feeling he felt -- he handled Mike's soul and snapped it like a branch. No one tells you that by using telekinesis in such a way , you still feel the soul die within the body....that soul was Mike.
God Eliot felt so numb from the amount he has yet the world still lingered , like an annoying buzz from a radio station. He took a heavy swallow of his wine and sealed it before clinging the bottle to his chest.
He wanted no one and needed no one , he wanted to die himself but he isn't a fucking pussy -- if he did end up overdosing than would world would feel less heavy to bare. This isn't Eliot’s first time to be cocooned in regret and it probably won't be the last time either - he wore his armor so strong normally ; how did Mike get past everything...
He sighed , feeling numb wasn't a better sensation either but better than his brain speaking too loud. Eliot squeezed his eyes tightly together and felt a presence , someone had been standing close by for a few minutes now.
"What is it?" He snapped , not even looking at the person -- trying to hide the hours of crying that made his voice husky and low.
"N-nothing"
Eliot stirred , that was Quentin’s voice.
"I am unable to sleep -- ehm my sleep paralysis demon has hit hard after .. ya know" Quentin hated to finish that sentence, he didn't want to bring up Mike. "So I needed to come downstairs, somewhere I don't feel trapped...but I didn't think anyone else was down here...well other than the usual.." He spoke clearly but there was some sincere worry as he looked upon Eliot within the dimly lit room.
In simple words , he looked like had been through hell; whatever godly presence he had was gone to dust. "Fine" Eliot forced out in a rough huff as he turned away , hiding his face from Q - no from everyone.
Quentin stood there for a second , it took a moment for his mind and legs to start working together as he wanted so much to comfort El but he knew what this meant. He cleared his throat and grabbed a book from one of the far bookshelves. He carefully moved around the collapsed people and settled on one of the window seats , his mind not racing anymore but wanting to focus on the words in front of him. The air within the room was filled with sorrow so much that Q could feel it within him , like an overhanging presence -- it was heavy and bone chilling .... No wonder Eliot chose to drink away his problems.
Q head read through some pages before he heard a glass shatter, the sound made his head turn to find Eliot up on his feet , unsteadily. Quentin rushed to his feet as he saw Eliot within his state try to clear up the glass.
"No it's fine -- Eliot you will end up cutting yourself.." He said loud enough as he crossed the way to his best friend , wanting to clear up the mess.
"And.." Eliot spat while he picked up a shard , it was so tempting - like his depression was whispering a sweet melody but that stopped when he felt a sharp ache than Q's hand upon his own.
Once he was able to focus he noticed he accidently held onto a shard , cutting his palm multiple times , the pale skin showing a deep red. "Shit El" He overheard Q exhale out , it hurt -- why did it hurt...his eyes flickered at the mess then he noticed Q was gone...
Of course , everyone would fucking leave or at least find him disgusting within this situation. The drugged out brunette started to flex the injured hand , enjoying the hiss of pain and the small droplets that hit the floor below.
Q came back and wrapped a kitchen cloth around the wound and Eliot felt a rush of warmth -- he wasn't leaving , he was going to look after him. Q tenderly guided the taller male back onto said sofa , where he had started in general. "Are you in pain?"
"Yes" Eliot hissed without realizing Quentin was asking about his hand and not his heart. "I knew it.." Q whispered and brought a slightly stunned face from Eliot -- no one would understand what his happening so why the fuck is Q trying to act like he know what he was going through.
"You don't have to do this Q , it was a mistake -- not like I was--"
"You thought about it...I know" Quentin bit back as he held onto Eliot's hand now , it was almost like they were holding hands now - Quentin's fingertips were brushing against the nearby skin. Eliot glanced away and tried to break free from Q , yet the smaller male didn't move.
"Just -- leave it Q , I don't need it...nor I don't want any of this" He grumbled, he needed more booze -- the buzz was getting low and this was too much for him to bare ; definitely as it's Q. Eliot had felt a connection for far too long to Q and he thought too highly of himself to let someone so dear , see him like this.
"Right then" Quentin announced and allowed Eliot to take back his hand , like a wounded animal he held it to his chest. "There are three ways we can do this... number one -- I take you to the infirmary were most likely they will try to sober you up"
Eliot silently shook his head.
"Number two is I wake up Margo and she can take care of your sorry ass -- maybe you might actually tell her what's wrong"
The shake of Eliot's head became more noticeable and his eyes looked like a rabbit in the headlights. "No -- neither of them Q" He breathed out.
"Then you're stuck with me -- choice Number three" Q said confidently and smiled , he wasn't gonna leave Eliot's side now - it's good his insomnia hit hard tonight ; he wanted to be someone Eliot would wanna spend time with. "You stay here , I'll go grab the first aid kit -- I am sure I have seen one" He commented as he got up again , mumbling to himself as he tried to find said item - which oddly enough Eliot found rather adorable.
Once Q came back , he gave a tender smile. "I'm back also here" He passed over some kind of bottle of alcohol - he had no idea what kind but he knew that's what Eliot was going for in the first place. Eliot blinked and took it with his non-injured hand as he felt so confused ; why does Q not hate this side of him...
Quentin took his time to clean out the wounds then he started to use bandages and plasters to make sure the site does not get an infection. Eliot watched silently , he thought he didn't deserve this -- none of this. There were a few minutes where neither of them said anything , Eliot let him work and once Quentin was done wrapping up his hands - he spoke.
"I wanna say I am sorry Eliot"
"Fuck off why?" Eliot spoke harshly , like a snake attacking with venom.
"Because..." Q raised his head and shrugged. "No matter how much you hide it -- I can feel , no sense how much losing Mike ---"
"Don't say his name" He spat , a wave of emotion danced across the dark orbs.
Q sighed , he knew he hit a nerve so he thought to attack this another way. "I know your brain is breaking and you aren't allowing anyone to see that -- that's why you're high and piss out drunk , alone right?" He questioned and Eliot looked away , he hated how Quentin could see through him so well - like looking through a window.
"No matter what or how you feel physically or mentally -- just know I am not judging you and actually I kinda understand it.." Q said kindly and slowly brushed his fingertips against El's as he finished wrapping up his hand. "We are all good.."
Eliot wasn't used to having any kind of empathy, this just felt Quentin was tugging his chain. "No we aren't -- you don't know what I am going through"
"Your right and I highly doubt I ever will , I am not faking this to hurt or betray you.." Q rambled. "I know you don't want anyone to get to close because of what just happened but listen -- I care dearly and it's not something I can switch off because your in a depressive mood so throw all your hateful words and act like a dick , I don't care"
Eliot took a sip of his bottle , not wanting to say anything.
"Actually -- you know what , blame me.." Quentin said with such a tone of sadness in his voice. "I was the domino that started this -- the beast is after me , the timeline is different and it's all because of me.." He gave off a sorrow filled chuckle , trying to ignore his lingering hatred toward himself that had been festering for a while now.
Eliot blinked , this was a different turn off events -- he couldn't ever openly hate Q ; obvious reasons as he sited to himself earlier. "Q..."
"No I'm right...maybe the monster should of clear out my class that day in the classroom...it would of been easier"
Q was now joining the pity party , he shifted so he hugged his knees to his chest.
"Don't say stupid things , I'm the depressed one here" He nudged Q with the bottle , offering him a sip and oddly enough Quentin accepted. "And if what Fogg said was true , we are fucked no matter if you did shit or not so" Eliot commented with a half shrug. "Death of people around us seem to be the icing on the god damn fucking cake"
"We are truly fucked , may as well enjoy the ride I guess" Q shrugged and glanced toward Eliot how shifted to grab another joint , he dared to think how much he had but he didn't questioned it verbally. He watched him struggle to do the iconic movements to light his cigarette. Quentin hadn't studied it formally but he learnt by reading , watching and practicing. He did the movements and the end of the cigarette burned slowly.
"How?"
"I learnt it from watching you -- I guess , God that sounds freaking creepy " Quentin commented and second guessed himself yet El was oddly surprised that anyone would take that much notice of what he is doing -- like for him magic is a day to day activity yet Q was a baby to magic ; no wonder he would wanna learn as much as he could. "Don't learn to much or you end up this fucked up and no one will have any interest in the real you."
After speaking Eliot took a long exhale of the blunt , it was true - there is no means to make any connections with people if you were nothing more than a show pony. "I don't think that is true -- I find you incredibly interesting and yes maybe it's because I am whisked away with my love of magic yet you were the first person to introduce me into this world."
"Q that wasn't my discussion"
"Yet you could of blown it off yet you did what fate or whatever the fuck you wanna call it, wanted you to do it" He commented. "Listen Eliot -- I know it's not the time since ya know but is it odd that I feel an invisible thread keeping us close..." Q said tenderly then took another slip. "I can't make any clear signs of it but come on , we are destined to be close right?"
Eliot swallowed thickly , the joint hitting harder than he realized even if he was already high before. The conversation headed a rather sensitive route and the alarm bells were setting off in his brain -- this was too real , it was twisting his gut but the sheer sparkling hope that Q wanted to be reassured was too much pressure and he froze -- he said nothing.
"I'm guessing he was a good fuck than" Q teased and Eliot was taken for a moment before hitting him heavily on the shoulder. "Fuck you coldwater, how dare of you speak ill of the dead." He spoke then laughed along with Q , it felt weird ; he felt so much yet within this moment it felt like he was free and lighter than he had ever been for a long ass time.
The room fell deadly silent and uncomfortable even as Q mumbled. "So he actually is dead.." He glanced toward Eliot , there had been rumors but no one , not even the teachers wanted to define what happened.
Eliot glazed away and sunk into the sofa , inhaling and exhaling another long drag. He felt like he was swimming, as quick as the high of happiness came it left like a knife being dragged through an open wound. He had given in on speaking, nothing helped so why would that.
Within this spaced out state he felt the warmth of Q against his arm, he had curled into him -- was it for comfort or was Quentin finally feeling tired , yet Eliot hoped it was for him...the contact was soothing.
"Q wait a moment..." Eliot mumbled with the cigarette against his lips still - Q backed off and watched Eliot move his arm so he could cuddle into his middle; it would be so much more comfortable than what he was trying to do. So just like that Eliot felt the shorter arms smooth around his middle , one arm looping near his hips and the other resting near his chest.
Quentin rested his head upon Eliot’s chest, listening to his breathing while watching the whispers of smoke pour from Eliot’s mouth. Eliot rested his injured hand upon Quentin’s body yet unknown to him he was hoping onto Quentin’s pj's tightly , like this time would fade to be nothing but a dream.
Eliot pushed the finished joint into the astray nearby and now had both arms wrapped around the smaller male that was cuddling in. "You know...I thought I had a true moment of happiness yet even that was torn away" He commented with a thick layer of sorrow, a few tears dwelled at the corner of his eyes but he blinked them away -- hoping not to disgrace himself anymore than he has already.
"Life is shitty but think about the positive things.. "
"What shit are you spitting about? What positive things do I have?
"Friends , Margo to be more precise -- you two wouldn't be anywhere without each other..." Q watched as Eliot did give a short nod. "Your life , I mean you may of had enough drugs to take down a cow but your not overdosed yet"
Eliot shrugged, he had lost any connection to enjoying life since he was a child -- not having a loving family and the years of abuse changed him.
"And the last and most positive thing is no matter who -- you care...you play it off to be this cool , high class asshole but you care..." Q commented and smiled warmly. "To have you come and console me after being attacked , a person who seemed to understand me on another level yet not think I'm a nut case was refreshing..".
"And I would do it again yet this doesn't help me one bit Q -- I'm a husk of who I was once.." He commented as his eyes fluttered closed before he spoke again. "I-I may of --- shit --- I felt like I was falling for him...his love was encouraging, full of light and I truly found someone that didn't want just a quick fuck..." The words were laying layers of a thick depression cake and it had Eliot’s name on it and why on earth was he telling Q this -- this man had the poor energy to pull out the truth.
"That's why you cared so much about what you wore around him.." Q spoke and was brought back to Eliot asking for his advice. Eliot gave a broken laugh and then just sighed. "I wanted him to stay, to love me like no one else has" Eliot's voice trembled nervously as he glanced away as Q looked up at him with his deep brown orbs.
"I still feel him against me when I am in my bed so I have been sleeping down here -- I still feel his eyes watching me , the warmth of his smile when we used to talk-- at the worst thing is..." Eliot's mind put a massive stop sign up and all his breath got caught in his throat -- he couldn't think , breath or talk as the information he was about to disclose was something he hadn't told Bambi...
"What happened Eliot..?" Q questioned and tried to back off to fully face Eliot but the longer arms wrapped him closer - shoving Q to rest his head upon Eliot’s shoulder. "I ..."
Q could feel Eliot tense up , his heart was racing against him and the grip was obviously tight enough to hurt his injured hand. Time stood still till he heard a small sob as Eliot shook. Q tried to back off but Eliot held him in place, did Eliot not wanna be seen breaking down? And Q oddly enough accepted it without any words.
Q smoothed his hands upward , well the best he could while they sat on the sofa and he brought one hand go stroke Eliot hair - the action pulled out a low , whimper; it could barely be heard.
And that's when it hit Q , Eliot had taught himself to cry silently - to not have anyone notice...was it his pride or did he have lingering trauma like Q had. Quentin knew this wasn't the time or place to question this so he allowed Eliot to have this...
"Q I don't want to be alone anymore -- the feeling eats me whole and I feel like I am unable to run anymore...my legs are sore , lungs are heavy... please just stay..." He forced out , tears now seeping through Q's pj top. "I know I'm asking for too much but you understand right Q? I can't bring this up to Bambi...she hated Mike ..God Mike -- fuck.." Once the words of his name fell from his lips he wailed out , finally making enough sound to confirm Qs theory , this was an official breakdown..
"It's okay Eliot - remember to breathe" He whispered and a song came into his head -- a soothing one; it may be good enough to distract Eliot. Q knew he wasn't good enough to sing but to whisper this melody was something he needed to do.
"Short steps, deep breath
Everything is alright
Chin up, I can't
Step into the spotlight
He said, "I'm sad, "
Somehow without any words
I just stood there
Searching for an answer
When this world is no more
The moon is all we'll see
I'll ask you to fly away with me
Until the stars all fall down
They empty from the sky
But I don't mind
If you're with me, then everything's alright"
Eliot took a moment to listen to the husky whisper of Quentin singing to him --- to him of all things to comfort him...it oddly helped even if he had never heard the song or melody before. "Everything...is...alright.." Eliot carried the last few words brokenly, his breath still uneven yet the tears lingered - running down his chest.
"Hn uh" Q nodded with an auditable noise. "Everything is alright and I am not going anywhere" He spoke tenderly and gave Eliot's taller frame a tight squeeze as he felt Eliot's curl into him. Q had no idea if these words would help, he knew they hadn't been friends for long but to be here - within his embrace was more than he could ever ask for.
There was a pause before Eliot spoke up. "Do you mean it...?" Q nodded firmly so Eliot felt the movement and he gave a broken smile. "For now you don't need to feel so alone , my arms , my room and my heart will always be open for you..."
Q knew he was laying on too thickly , he had always been a heart in his sleeve kind of person so not like he could easily change it. Once he felt Eliot’s body become less tense and he gave a small nod than he slightly shifted back.
Just to have Eliot look away and almost force his whole body away from him. He didn't care what happened or why Eliot acted this way...all he wanted was Eliot to be safe.
"Come on..." Q said shortly with no explanation and held out his hand. "No Q I'm not moving..."
"Ah no complaining just -- ya know trust me" He commented and still waited with his hand out. Eliot gave him a tired glare , eyes still sore from crying and the washed out make up lingered yet he slowly gave the other man his hand. The two , led by Quentin - headed upstairs and they got to the entrance to Q room and Eliot dropped his hand , disconnecting from Q. "Quentin I'm flattered but I am seriously not in the mood" Eliot just finished speaking , the look of distrust dance across his face – he was too tired and emotionally string for this.
"Fuck off El , that's certainly not what's happening here!" Q reacted and couldn't help but show a rosy blush -- maybe he shouldn't have had that wine before. "Just get in there before I kick you into there".
Q kept his serious face and that drew out a heavy sigh from Eliot before he did what Quentin wanted. Once they were both in the bedroom - Q glanced at the messy looking bed ; covers all over the place from his tossin' and turnin'. "Next get comfortable in the bed as we are gonna get some fucking sleep..fucking finally..”
Eliot kept silent and did whatever his friend wanted - maybe he is right , he should get some sleep but sleeping is where the darkness can slip in ; reminding him of what happened over and over. The curly haired brunette curled up on his side and jumped at the feeling of Quentin’s arms wrapping around his waist loosely ; like he was a smaller spoon when he definitely wasn't.. Eliot held his breath , he didn't know how to react to the warmth of another person next to him right within this moment ; like having Margo next to him wasn’t like this…
Was it because he was grieving or was it because of it being Q - being with Q within his bedroom too. Eliot didn't expect this ; his heart and mind was racing – negatively and positively – all too much.
“Goodnight Eliot - sleep well..” Q mumbled , the linked fingertips squeezed Eliot closer to him and he wanted to make himself feel like a safety belt to make sure Eliot knew it was okay to be broken – to be broken was oddly beautiful to him and they were strangely alike.
“Thank you..truly..” Eliot commented back in a short reply , it was the only one he could come out with. He thought he would put up with this and slip away whenever he felt Quentin drift off. He knew he wasn’t personally able to feel comfort from sleeping with someone – he wasn't gonna let Q know that. Eliot stared outward and before he knew it , his eyelids were heavy ; was he finally getting tired? It had to be his brain tricking him.
Eliot chuckled tiredly , seriously the super nerd knew every recipe to soothe the soul even if Eliot’s soul was raging with regret and misery for the last few days. He finally relaxed his body and he allowed his hands to rest upon Q’s – copying his breathing with Q’s – in and out…
Shortly after…he had fallen asleep ; a well deserved rest…
Q was right…everything would be okay..