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As soon as Ian entered the prison, he felt a chill run down his spine. Mickey wasn’t supposed to be here, he didn’t deserve any of it. If anyone should be locked up, it was Ian himself. Fuck, if it wasn’t for him, Mickey would probably be down in Indiana with Mandy by now. Laughing and consuming way more beer and junkfood than what should really be physically possible.
At least that’s what Ian would want for the Milkovich twins, were he to choose. But instead Mandy was down there by herself, and Mickey was here, locked up for something that he should get a fucking award for.
To make matters worse, Ian was more than aware what a crappy boyfriend he had been to the guy. Not just since he got sick, but sometimes even before that. Mickey was a good guy - a really fucking good guy. It had taken Ian way too long to beat that fact into his own haunted mind, but the point was that it was there now. And he would do anything he could to make Mickey believe it himself.
“Mikhailo Milkovich?”
Ian subconsciously held his breath as he was let into the room to see Mickey. The short brunet was sitting behind the glass window, a steady scowl on his face. Ian didn’t think too much about it, because a lot of the time that was just his relaxed facial expression. However, once they were looking into each other’s eyes, phones by their ears, Ian realised that Mickey was in fact scowling because he was pissed.
“Mickey, I know what I did - “
“The fuck are you doing here?” Mickey cut him off before he could get any further. Ian’s eyes fell closed for a second as he forced himself to take a deep breath. When he lifted his eyelids again, Mickey’s posture hadn’t changed. His eyebrows were knitted together, his knuckles turning white around the black plastic.
“Look, Mickey…” Ian begun again. “I know how fucking bad I messed up, alright? But, baby - “
“Don’t fucking call me that”
The words were worse than a hunting knife slammed into Ian’s chest. Calling Mickey ‘baby’ had always been one of Ian’s ways to get him to listen, to soften him up. Of course the thug always waved him off, saying how cheesy it was and how he wasn’t a fucking chick. Ian could usually peer through the thin wall, though, spotting that Mickey in fact loved the petname. Not this time. There was not a single piece of Mickey’s actions that spoke for the fact that he just barked for the fuck of it.
“I’m sorry” Ian stated softly. “Habit” Mickey raised his eyebrows, quite obviously waiting for Ian to continue talking. “I. Love you. So much. And I am so…” His eyes fell closed for a beat, forcing his tears back. “So sorry that we ended up like this. It’s not what I want. I want you”
“I don’t” Mickey answered harshly without missing a single beat. Ian frowned, looking back into the dark, deep, blue eyes. “I don’t want you. Not anymore, Gallagher”
Ian knew Mickey well enough to realise that the words were difficult for him to push out of his mouth, to hear the small cracks of his voice. But that also meant that he knew him well enough to see that just because it was difficult to say out loud, that didn’t make it any less true.
“Mickey…” Ian sighed softly, wondering if there was anything - anything at all - that he could say to make him change his mind.
“Get the fuck out of here, Ian. I got nothing more to say to you, alright? I hope you have a good life, I do. But not with me. You need to move on, we both do”
With those words, Mickey hung up the phone and was escorted out of the visiting room, leaving a completely and utterly heartbroken Ian behind.
Ian returned to the state county prison a couple of days later, only to find that Mickey had put him on his no visitation list. So he walked back home again, shoulders heavy, unable to remember what it was like not feeling hopeless.
Nine years later
Ian, Mandy and Iggy were all standing outside of the building, waiting for Mickey to walk out. Iggy was calm, Mandy was practically jumping up and down at the thought of seeing her favorite brother walk free again. And Ian… well, Ian was having a hard time with making sure that he didn’t throw up.
He had gone back a couple of times to see if there was any way for him to visit Mickey, but he had never been let through. Apparently they were really fucking strict about that stuff, so he hadn’t seen Mickey’s face in nine years.
A part of him thought that maybe it was slightly pathetic that he had waited this long to see a man who may not even want to say a word to him. A bigger part of Ian just fucking knew that it was worth it. He had spent the past few years working, getting himself stable, making sure to mold himself into a person that he could be proud of. About five years ago, Mandy had managed to drag her ass back to Chicago, and Ian and Iggy had never been happier in their entire lives. A couple of years after that, she had moved out of the Milkovich house and into Ian’s apartment.
For the past three years, that was how they had lived, and Ian would be lying if he said that Mickey hadn’t been on his mind almost every single second of every single day. He just couldn’t help it. Mickey was the love of his life, he knew so, and if he had to spend another nine years working on getting him to forgive him then he would do that too, as long as he would get his baby back at some point.
“There he is” Mandy’s cheery voice blended with Iggy’s dark one, the same words tumbling out of their mouths as they pointed to the door.
Ian stretched his neck, swallowing down the happy lump in his throat as he laid eyes on his love for the first time in almost a decade.
“Holy fuck” He coughed, forcing the emotional tears back. Mickey looked just as good as he had all those years ago. He was a little bit more built, and he almost seemed a little bit taller, probably because of the fact that he carried himself differently. His back was straighter, the black hair a little bit shorter than Ian remembered it, he would guess that Mickey had gotten a buzzcut at some point and then had let it grow out.
Mickey looked so different, and yet the exact same. He was so fucking beautiful.
“Mick!” Mandy cheered, running up to him, throwing her arms around him once they were finally close enough to do so.
“Hey, sis” He mumbled back, eyes closed, a smile on his face. “Missed you” He mumbled into the dyed dark red hair.
“You too, asshole” Mandy spoke back, chuckling a little bit as they let go of each other. Ian kept to the side, letting Mickey give his brother a tight hug as well. He hadn’t seen them quite like this before. Then again, it wasn’t as if Mickey was getting out of a two month sentence to juvie, this was a fucking decade in prison, so it was more than understandable that they would all be a little bit softer to each other than usual.
Right as Mickey unwrapped his arms from around Iggy, his eyes fell on green, his entire body freezing up. Ian swallowed, the lump in his throat swelling. He had no fucking idea how Mickey would react to him being here. Sure, it had been nine years, and nine years was a long fucking time. But that didn’t change the fact that the last time they had seen each other, Mickey had straight out told him to fuck off.
“Could you um…” Mickey started, voice low. “Give us a second?” His eyes never left Ian’s, but he was quite obviously talking to his siblings.
“Yeah, yeah” Iggy nodded, scratching the back of his neck as he and Mandy got into the car, leaving Mickey and Ian outside.
Ian took a deep breath, unable to tear his eyes away from Mickey, waiting for him to start screaming. Or crying. Or laughing. Anything. He had no fucking idea how he was going to react, and he oh so badly wished that he did. This was kind of scary.
“What the fuck are you doing here? Thought you’d have a husband and kids. Fucking white picket fence by now” Ian chuckled, shaking his head, his head dipping, gaze focusing on his shoes for a moment before he looked back up at Mickey.
“No. I’d never want any of that unless you were my husband, Mick. You should know that” He made it clear right off the bat that he still loved him. Mickey was incredibly taken aback by his casual tone, his eyebrows knitting together. “Look…” Ian continued when the brunet didn’t say anything back. “I know how badly I screwed up all those years ago, and that it wasn’t right of me to walk in there and ask you to forgive me. You did the right thing by telling me to fuck off” Ian shrugged, leaning back against the hood of the car. Mickey frowned.
“But…?” Ian nodded.
“But it was nine years ago. And…” His shoulders lifted as he let his eyes wander around the parking lot before finally landing back on Mickey. “I love you. We haven’t seen each other in nine years, Mick and I love you. I don’t think that’s gonna change” Mickey blinked back at him, a heavy feeling in his stomach that he couldn’t quite place.
“Look, man. I’m not pissed at you, alright? I don’t hate you, fuck, if I hated you after a decade, I think I’d have some problems. It’s all over by now, water under the bridge or whatever the fuck they say. But if you want me to start calling you my boyfriend again, I can’t do that. I won’t” Ian swallowed down the tears at Mickey’s words, eyes boring into the blue ones. “So I’m sorry that you wasted nine years on waiting or whatever, but… that’s the way it is” Mickey shrugged.
“I don’t expect you to take me back right now, Mickey” Ian sighed honestly. “Of course you won’t” Mickey frowned, wondering where exactly his ex boyfriend was going with this. “But give me some time, alright? We can… we can be friends. Or go out for pizza…” Ian stated, a small smile on his face. “I love you. I’m in love with you. I miss kissing you, I miss fucking you, but you know what? Most of all I just really fucking miss you. For now, I just want to be your friend. I want to make you trust me again” He stated. “So that maybe someday, you can love me again” Ian sighed the last part, holding his breath for Mickey’s reaction.
He blinked, surprised by the cards Ian was laying flat onto the table. For some reason, a couple of bricks were knocked out of the wall between them, and something snapped into place inside of Mickey.
“Alright” Ian frowned.
“Alright?”
“Alright” Mickey nodded seriously. “Fucking work for it, Gallagher. Maybe we’ll get that white picket fence one day”