Chapter Text
Jake loves the thought of summer vacation. The long, lazy days of doing nothing but playing video games, sleeping in, and eating junk food. He loved the idea of having the dorm to himself for once, his roommate all packed up and waiting for his parents to pick him up. He flops onto his bed face first, clutching his pillow to his chest and inhaling the fresh scent of the lavender and tangerines. He sighs wistfully, turning onto his back and staring up at the glow in the dark stars he stuck onto the ceiling last year.
If Jake had a say in what he wanted to do for his summer vacation, he'd choose to bunker down and spend it all in the cool confines of his dorm room. It sounds pathetic when you put thought into it, but to him, it's absolute heaven. No more intense cleaning, no more having to listen to his roommate scream at his pc. Just him, his games, and his snacks.
If Jake had a say in what he wanted to do for his summer vacation, it definitely wouldn't be sitting in the back seat of Jay's minivan as they barrel down the road, kicking up dust and particles around them. Sunghoon is in the passenger seat, leaning over so he can tell Jay to; "Take the next right."
But alas, Jake doesn't have a say in what he wants to do for his summer vacation.
Jake tries to ignore the stifling heat and the stale air in the van. The air conditioning hasn't worked for months, and Jay refuses to get it fixed because he says it's a waste of money. The heat is so intense it feels like it's cooking him alive. He tugs at his shirt, sticking to his back, and glances out the window. "This is totally kidnapping, by the way!"
It isn't, not really. Sure, they forced him into the minivan, but they're his best friends, so it's not like they're holding him hostage or anything. Plus, he was promised Fairy Bread. Who passes up free Fairy Bread?
They had promised him it would be the best summer ever, and Jake had begrudgingly agreed, mostly because they had all agreed to split the gas money. Plus, Jay had already called his parents and got permission for the three of them to use the beach house, behind his back, may he add. So here he was, in the back of the van with his duffel bag squished between his legs, sweating and miserable.
"It's only kidnapping if we take you by force," Sunghoon quips, turning in his seat to give Jake a mischievous grin. "You said yes, remember? Plus, Jay and I can't get to the beach house without you. You have the keys, not us. Don't be such a debbie downer."
Jake groans and throws a glare at his friends. "I only said yes because you guys bribed me with a shit load of fairy bread and promised it would be epic. So far, it's just sweaty and cramped because Jay is an asshole and doesn't want to fix the AC."
Jay laughs from the driver's seat, meeting Jay's eyes in the rearview. "If I got the AC fixed, we wouldn't have been able to even make it this far. Besides, we're almost there. Just a few more hours and you'll be complaining about the sand in your shorts instead. Don't you miss Australia?"
The mention of home sends a tidal wave of nostalgia through Jake, a million summers spend running around in the hot sand flashing through his head. He misses the salty ocean air and the way the sun kissed his skin without burning it to a crisp. Thank God for sunscreen. "Yeah, I guess," he murmurs, the excitement in his voice betraying his earlier protests.
"Then sit back and relax, Jakey!" Sunghoon says, punching him lightly on the shoulder. "We're gonna have the time of our lives, just like old times. Surf, sand, and...uh, what's that third thing?" he says as he turns back to Jay, tugging at the tip of his ear.
"Surf, sand, and...scorching heat?" Jake suggests, not bothering to hide his sarcasm. But despite his grumbling, he can't deny the thrill that's starting to bubble up in his chest. The idea of spending his summer at the beach house is definitely growing on him. He had missed the ocean, and the memories of their past adventures down under were some of the best of his life.
The road trip from their college to the beach house is a long one, but it's filled with a playlist that spans from early 2000s pop punk to the latest K-pop hits, a perfect mix of their collective tastes. They sing along at the top of their lungs, occasionally pausing for breath or to argue over who's the best singer. The scenery outside changes from bustling city streets to quiet suburbs and eventually, to the open countryside. Jake can't help but feel a sense of freedom as the world zooms by.
They stop at a roadside diner for a much-needed break and food. The air inside is tanged with the smell of grease, but it's a welcome change from the stale heat of the van. They order burgers and fries, and Jake finally gets a chance to stretch his legs. While they eat, they voice their plans for summer. Jay wants to throw beach parties, Sunghoon talks about catching the perfect wave, and Jake just wants to lay out and read, which gets him a couple boos from the other boys. They all agree to take turns cooking and cleaning, a small price to pay for the luxury of the beach house.
"Hey, have you heard from Heeseung since you've been gone?" Jay asks, his mouth full of burger, a smear of ketchup on the corner of his mouth. "I've been meaning to ask but it always manage to slip my mind somehow."
Jake tenses, his eyes darting up from his fries. He hadn't heard that name in the three years he's been gone for college, so it comes as a surprise that Jay is suddenly asking him about Heeseung. "Nah, I haven't," he says nonchalantly, hoping to leave it at that. Heeseung is a sensitive topic to bring up with Jake. Jay probably doesn't remember what happened. Or he does, and he's just trying to act like everything is fine for the summer. Wouldn't be the first time.
"Really?" Jay continues. "You guys used to be attached at the hip when we were all kids. I thought you would still be close when you left for college, being best friends and all," he says, wiping his mouth with a napkin.
Jake shrugs, his heart racing a little faster now "People change, you know?" he responds, trying to keep his voice steady. He hadn't talked about Heeseung since that summer, and the memories are as fresh as the day he'd left. "Besides, I'm pretty sure his mom remembers my moms number if he wanted to call or something." he adds, hoping to end the conversation.
Sunghoon nods thoughtfully, his eyes on Jake. "You guys had a pretty nasty fall out, huh?" he asks, his voice gentle.
Jake sighs, pushing his half finished plate away. "Let's just say we had different priorities," he mumbles, his gaze drifting out the window. "He wanted to stay home and I wanted to branch out. We were just kids. Didn't have a clue what we were talking about."
"Well, maybe we'll run into him at the beach," Jay says with a shrug. "It's not like he's not gonna be around. His family owns the diner on the pier, right?"
Jake's stomach twists at the mention of Heeseung's family diner. He hadn't considered the possibility of seeing him again. The last time they talked was right before Jake left for college, and the words exchanged hadn't been the nicest between the two of them. "I hope not. I think I would shit my pants," Jake says, trying to laugh it off. "Sunoo, I would love to see though."
Sunoo is Heeseung's younger brother. Well, half-brother considering they have different dad's. But, they're close. Like, really close. Sunoo had always looked up to Jake, and it was part of the reason why Jake had liked hanging out with Heeseung in the first place. He had been the buffer to Heeseung's fiery temper and sharp tongue. Always happy to keep little Sunoo from getting in trouble.
"You guys should totally patch things up," Sunghoon says, waving a fry in the air for emphasis. "It's not like you can avoid him forever. And for what it's worth, I heard he's been asking about you."
Jake snorts. "Yeah, sure he has," he says, his voice filled with doubt. "What could he possibly want from me now?"
"Don't worry about it," Jay says, patting the back of Jake's hand and smiling softly. "If you don't want to talk to him, you don't have to. But you never know, maybe there's some things Heeseung missed out on telling you, and vice versa."
They're back on the road before Jake knows it, the conversation of Heeseung pushed aside by the blast of hot air that greets them as they open the van doors. The anticipation of reaching the beach house starts to outweigh his anxiety about possibly seeing his old friend. The scenery has transformed into a canvas of blues and greens, the ocean peeking through the gaps in the trees as they get closer to their destination.
"Do you really think Heeseung would be happy to see me?" Jake asks quietly, keeping his gaze on the horizon as the ocean grows closer. He hears Sunghoon suck in a deep breath.
"I'm sure he would be ecstatic, Jakey."
☾☼☽
Jake's beach house is just off the main path. It's a short walk from the beach and an even shorter walk from the pier, if he remembers correctly. He can hear the gears turning in Sunghoon's head as he gets a good look at the beach house for the first time in three long years.
"Holy shit, I forgot it was this big," he says, his eyes wide as they pull into the driveway. The beach house loomed before them, a two-story structure with blue shutters that looked as if it had been plucked from the pages of a magazine. It could be from a magazine. Jake is pretty sure his father had come across an ad for it in a realtors magazine when he was four.
On the porch is a rickety old swing and three different flower pots. The flowers are dead, but Jake can't remember the last time they were actually alive. Maybe when he was a kid? They look like they've been dead for years, forgotten and forsaken. The house is in need of a paint job, and the wooden boards creak under their feet as they climb the stairs and haul their bags behind them.
"Y'know, we should get this place up to date," Jay murmurs as Jake unlocks the door and they step inside. The smell of dust and must fills their nostrils, and Jake has to hold his shirt up to his nose to stop from retching. Jay is probably right about needing to get this place up to date. The house is exactly as Jake remembered it: the worn-out couch, the sticky kitchen counter, and the stairs that lead to the second floor where the bedrooms are.
"Yeah, it fucking reeks in here," Sunghoon says, coughing and waving his hand in front of his face. "Jesus, did you parents just forget about this place or something? It smells like something died in here."
Jake laughs, despite the dust tickling his throat. "Nah, they just don't come here much anymore. It's been a summer home for as long as I can remember. But let's get the windows open and get the air moving. We can probably go to the local shop and get some stuff to clean up later."
Jay coughs, kicking the front door closed behind him and starts up the stairs. "Let's unpack first and then we can talk about cleaning up in here. It's not like we're going anywhere soon."
"I second that!" Sunghoon calls out as he lugs his duffel bag up the stairs. "First things first, claim the best room, right? I call the master bedroom."
Jake rolls his eyes, watching as two of them argue and bicker over who get's the master bedroom. "Morons," he mutters, lugging his bag up the stairs behind them. The house isn't exactly what he thought it would be when they got here, and it's definitely seen better days. But, it's home. Or at least, it used to be. Jake doesn't really have a home anymore, not since his parents split and sold the house. The beach house is the closest thing he has to one now.
The moment he steps into the room that used to be his, a wave of nostalgia hits him. The walls are still plastered with posters of his favorite bands from high school, and his old surfboard is propped up in the corner, dusty and untouched. He throws his bag onto the bed and flops down next to it, letting out a sigh. The mattress is stiff, but it's familiar. He can almost feel the imprint of his teenage body on the old springs.
Since his parents don't really visit anymore, everything in Jake's room is left as it is. The baby blue walls, the fairy lights, the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. It's like a time capsule of his teenage years. The room feels eerily quiet, the only sound the distant crash of waves and the occasional squawk of a seagull. Jake sits up, brushing off the dust from his shirt and starts to unpack. He throws open the windows, letting in the salty breeze. It's cooler here, closer to the water, and the smell of the ocean is strong.
He can hear Sunghoon and Jay still arguing down the hallway, and he giggles, feeling a bit like a kid again. It's been so long since they've all been here together. Jake opens his suitcase and starts to unpack, placing his clothes neatly into the old dresser drawers that still stick a bit. He opens the closet door, and the scent of mothballs fills the room. Inside are his old board shorts and rash guards, along with a few pairs of flip flops. On top of the shelf is old Surf magazine with a cover featuring a surfer riding a massive wave. It feels like a lifetime ago when he used to read those, dreaming of the day he'd be out there with Heeseung and Sunoo.
Speaking of Heeseung, he steps back out of the closet and is bombarded by the old polaroids his mother used to take of the three of them together. Each one a memory of him, Sunoo, and Heeseung. Heeseung's mom had been a saint for letting them crash here every summer, and she had treated Jake like her own son when he stayed at her place. Jake's stomach twists, thinking about her and the way she had looked at him the last time they saw each other. She had told him that she was proud of him, but he had felt like a coward.
He turns away from the clipped up pictures, not wanting to dampen his mood with the past. They had all changed since then, and it wasn't like he could just step back into his old life. He chooses to continue unpacking, shoving the old memories into the back of his mind and his folded clothes into the drawers.
Once everyone is settled, they decide to hit the beach. The sun is high in the sky, beating down on their backs as they trudge through the sand, the sound of the waves growing louder with every step. Jake can't help but feel a bit nervous. It's been years since he's been in the water, and the thought of running into Heeseung is never far from his mind.
They lay their towels in the sand and strip down to their swim trunks. "It's fucking hot out here," Sunghoon says, collapsing onto his stomach and sticking his feet in the air. "I can't believe we're finally here. God, this doesn't even seem real, you know?"
Jay nods, his eyes scanning the horizon. "It's like we're in a postcard," he says, a wistful smile playing on his lips. "But better, because it's actually happening."
The ocean stretches out before them, a vast expanse of blue that seems to melt into the sky. "Stop being dramatic. If anyone of us should be, it should be me. This is my beach house. I should be the one feeling like I've come home," Jake says, his voice tinged with humor, trying to shake off the nerves.
They all laugh, and the tension in the air dissipates like it was never even there in the first place. Jay grabs a frisbee from his bag and tosses it to Jake. "Come on, let's go throw this around," he says, already jogging towards the water.
Jake catches the frisbee and glances at Sunghoon. "Coming?" he asks, his eyes sparkling with excitement.
"You bet your sweet ass I am," Sunghoon says, jumping up and following Jay towards the water. The cool waves rush over their feet, and Jake feels the sand shift beneath him as he starts to run. The ocean is colder than he remembered, but it's refreshing after the stifling heat of the van and the dusty house.
They spend hours playing in the waves, laughing and splashing water at each other like little kids. Jay's frisbee throws are wildly inaccurate, often hitting Sunghoon in the face or sailing over Jake's head into the water. But it doesn't matter. They're just happy to be here, together, without the stress of college weighing them down.
As the sun starts to dip below the horizon, they decide to call it a day and head back to the house. Jake's skin is a warm, golden brown from the sun, and his hair is a mess of salt and sand. He's smiling more than he has in a long time, and he can't ignore the feeling of contentment that's been building in his chest all day.
"I'll go and get the shit to clean in the morning," Jake murmurs as they walk up the driveway. He's too tired to try and go tonight. The sun has started to set behind them, painting the sky with a soft blend of pinks and oranges.
"Sounds like a plan," Jay says, stretching his arms over his head and yawning. "I'm spent for the night. I might just pass out on the couch."
"Yeah, let's save our energy so we can clean this fucker up. I turned the AC on and I swear I almost choked to death. That shit is going to need a good cleaning," Sunghoon says, following closely behind with his own towel wrapped around his waist, his eyes on the house.
The inside of the beach house is now a stark contrast to the coolness of the outside air, and it hits them like a wall of heat. "Goddamn it, Jay. Did you leave it off the whole time?" Jake complains, tossing his towel onto the couch and sending Jay a glare.
"It's okay, we'll just sleep with the windows open," Jay says, slapping him on the back. "Besides, we're going to be out there most of the time we're here anyway, right?"
And Jake guesses he can't argue with that. "Whatever. I'm going to head up to bed early tonight. Could you turn the AC on before you come up for the night?" he asks, already starting up the stairs, his feet thudding against the carpeted floor.
"Will do," Jay calls after him, already opening the fridge and pulling out a couple of cold beers. "Want one?" he hears him ask Sunghoon. He scoffs. Of course Jay brung beers.
☾☼☽
Jake was only seven when he first met Heeseung. It was a hot summer day, much like the ones they were now returning to, and the beach was crowded with families and tourists. Heeseung was the new kid in town, and his mother had opened the diner on the pier. Jake had been sent to grab a burger for his father, who was busy setting up their beachside stand. The diner had caught his eye with its vibrant neon lights and the smell of greasy food wafting through the air.
Heeseung was sat outside on the steps leading up to the diner, his eyes downcast as he picked at a gnarly looking scar on his knee. Jake winced as he tore the skin off and flung it away. He didn't have the guts to pick at his own scars like that. Whoever this kid was, he's tough. Jake likes him.
"You shouldn't pick at that!" he berated, approaching him. The boy looked up with a scowl that was almost too perfected for a boy his age. He couldn't have been that much older than Jake. Maybe a year or two, at the most. "You're gonna get it infected. You should get ointment cream and a bandaid."
Heeseung shrugs. "So? It's not like anyone cares. Just leave me alone." he mumbles, his eyes back on his knee.
Or not. Jake totally doesn't like him.
Jake is taken aback by the bitterness in his voice. He scowls and walks past him, stomping his way up the stairs and yanking the door open. He stomps up to the counter, crossing his arms and pouting at the woman behind the counter. "My dad ordered a burger. Can I have it to go? Please?"
The woman smiles, her eyes crinkling at the edges. "You must be Jake," she says warmly. "Your father said you'd be by. You are such a sweet boy, you know that? You would get along well with my son. He's grumpy that we had to move, but he's a kind boy."
Jake feels some of his anger melt away at the mention of her having a son. "You have a son?"
"Yes," she says, placing the burger in a takeout bag. "I have three sons. One of them is outside, actually. You might have run into him on your way in. His name is Heeseung. He's not taking the move very well, so I've been keeping him busy around here. And I have another little boy. He's back at home with his dad and older brother."
"That boy outside isn't kind at all," Jake tells her, reaching on this tip toes to snag the bag. "He's mean!"
The woman frowns, hands on her hips as she looks down at Jake. "Really? Did he say something to you, darling?"
Jake nods, cheeks flushing. "He was just really mean about his scar. He was picking at it and I was trying to tell him that he was going to infect it and that he needed a bandaid, but he told me that no one cares about it and to leave him alone!"
Now Jake isn't usually one to tell when someone is mean to him, but he was only trying to help Heeseung, so the boy had no reason to be mean to him at all. "Huh, that's odd," Heeseung's mom says with a click of her tongue. "Okay, how about you stay here while I talk to Heeseung, yeah?"
Jake nods, clutching the bag holding his dad's burger to his chest as Heeseung's mom wipes her hands on a dishtowel and then heads outside. Through the diner's window, he sees her crouch beside Heeseung. Heeseung looks up at her, and then looks back at Jake before saying something that makes her frown.
Jake can't hear their conversation, but he sees Heeseung's expression shift from anger to something softer the longer his mom talks to him. His mother says something that makes him nod, and then she points at the burger in Jake's hand. Heeseung nods again, letting his mom ruffle his hair as she stands up, taking Heeseung's hand and pulling him up.
Jake humphs, turning his head away as Heeseung turns to look at him again. The door opens behind him, yet he doesn't turn around again. "Okay honey, you're free to go. Heeseung is gonna walk you back," his mother says, her voice gentle.
"But mo-" Heeseung starts to protest, only to be cut off by a stern look from his mother. Jake feels a twinge of guilt, but it quickly vanishes as Heeseung stomps over to him, his hand palm up, his face a thundercloud. "Let's go," he says, his voice gruff.
Jake takes it reluctantly, his grip tightening around the plastic bag as he walks out of the diner with Heeseung leading him. The silence between them is thick, but the squeak of their flip flops on the wooden pier is a steady rhythm that fills the gap.
"Why are you so mean?" Jake asks when they're halfway down the pier. He can't hold it in anymore. He has to know.
"I'm not mean," Heeseung replies, his voice gruff. "I just don't like people telling me what to do."
Jake glances up at him, perplexxed. "But I was just trying to help with your scar. It could get infected if you don't take care of it."
Heeseung stops walking and looks down at him, his expression unreadable. "Why do you care?" he asks, his voice a mix of annoyance and curiosity.
Jake blinks, taken aback by the question. "I don't know," he admits. "I just don't like seeing people hurt. It hurts when I pick at my own scars, and my mom always says it's bad to pick at them 'cause they could get worse than before."
Heeseung snorts, but there's a glimmer of something in his eyes that Jake can't quite place. "You're weird," he says, but the harshness from earlier is gone. They start walking again, and the silence stretches out, but it's not as uncomfortable as before.
As they get closer to Jake's stand, he sees his father waving at him. "Hey, Jakey! Who's your new friend?" he calls out, his eyes lighting up when he sees Heeseung. Jake's dad was always eager to make friends, especially for Jake.
"Um, this is Heeseung. His mom owns the diner," Jake explains as he hands his dad the burger.
His dad beams, holding out his hand. "Ah, the new kid in town! Welcome, welcome! You guys should hang out this summer," he says. "How about you come over to our place for dinner tonight? It's not much, but we can grill some hotdogs and make s'mores."
Heeseung shakes his head. "I'm not sure mom would let me go by myself. Only if Sunoo comes too. She says I can't leave him out even though he's younger than me!"
"Sunoo? Who's that?" Jake asks curiously, looking up at Heeseung.
"My little brother," Heeseung says, a hint of pride in his voice. "He's always looking for someone to play with. But he had to stay home with dad today 'cause he had a bad cough."
Jake nods, understanding the need to take care of family. "Well, Sunoo can come too. And your mom. And your dad. If they want to," he adds quickly. "My dad's hotdogs are the best, and he never ever burns the s'mores!"
Heeseung's expression lights up, and Jake feels a strange warmth spread through his chest. He hadn't realized how much making someone else happy also made him happy. "Okay," Heeseung says, a small smile gracing his lips. He looks much more happy when he's smiling. "Let's go tell my mom."
Jake nods. "Daddy! Me and Heeseung are gonna ask his family to come over for dinner tonight," he calls out to his dad, waving his hand. His dad's smile widens, and he nods enthusiastically. "We'll be right back, okay?"
"Great idea, buddy," he says, shooting him a thumbs up as. "You go ahead and ask. I'll call mom and let her know we're having guest over. Want to invite Jay too?"
Jake nods excitedly, jumping up and down in glee. He really likes when Jay comes over. He's always so nice and let's Jake play with his toes. Best cousin ever. Jake's little heart thumps in his chest as he follows Heeseung back to the diner.
"Who's Jay?" Heeseung asks as they walk back to the diner. His voice is softer now, and Jake feels a bit more comfortable around him. "Your dad mentioned him."
Jake grins. "Jay is my older cousin. Well, he's not that much older than me, just a couple months," Jake explains. "But he's really cool. Dad says he's from Settle!"
Heeseung pauses. "Settle?"
Jake nods. "Settle, yeah. Why?"
Heeseung chuckles, patting Jake's shoulder. "I think you meant Seattle, not Settle."
Jake's face scrunches up. "Sea-what?"
Heeseung laughs. "Seattle. It's a city in Washington state. My mom has been there. She says it's really big and full of water."
Jake nods, eyes wide. "It sounds cool. Jay says we're going to go there one day when we get old enough to travel without our parent's permission."
Heeseung smiles. "That sounds nice!"
Jake nods. "You can come to, Heeseung. You're my new friend so you can come to Seattle with us too, if you want."
Heeseung's smile widens. "Yeah, sure. I'd like that."
"Let's tell your mom now," Jake bounces on his toes as they stop in front of the diner door. "Maybe she'll say yes if we ask nicely. I really want to eat hotdogs and s'mores!"
Heeseung nods, patting Jake on the back twice "Okay, but she's pretty busy. And she might not understand all the words you say." he says, his tone earnest.
Jake nods solemnly. "I'll speak slow," he promises, and together they walk back into the diner. The smell of food is stronger now, and Jake's stomach rumbles. Heeseung's mom is at the grill, flipping burgers. She looks up and sees them, wiping her hands on her apron and walking over.
"What's up, sweetie?" she asks, eyeing Heeseung warily.
"My dad says we're having hotdogs and s'mores tonight," Jake announces, his eyes shining with excitement. "He said Heeseung can come over. And Sunoo, too! And you, and their dad. Do you want to come?"
Heeseung's mom looks surprised for a moment, then breaks into a warm smile. "That's so sweet of you, Jake," she says, ruffling his already messy hair. "But we'll have to talk about it, okay? I'm really busy around here."
Jake nods, trying to hide his disappointment. "Okay," he says, his voice small.
Heeseung notices and nudges him gently. "It's okay, Jake. Maybe I can go next time? If it's not too much trouble."
Jake nods, trying to smile back. "Yeah, sure. We can ask again later," he says, trying to keep the hope in his voice. He waves, turning to leave the diner. He looks back at Heeseung as he opens the door, who looks equally disappointed.
"Okay boys, how about this?" Heeseung's mom says after a moment of contemplation. "Why don't you go play on the beach while I talk to your dad? If it's okay with him, Heeseung can ride with you guys, I'll bring Sunoo over after I close up, and we'll all have dinner together."
Jake's eyes light up like Christmas morning. "Really?!"
Heeseung's mom nods. "Really. Just be safe, okay?"
"Sweet! Thanks mom!" Heeseung says excitedly.
Jake's excitement is palpable as he sprints off towards the beach, yelling over his shoulder for Heeseung to follow. Heeseung's smile grows wider as he watches Jake's retreating figure, feeling a strange sense of camaraderie. He takes a deep breath and starts after him, the smell of the ocean filling his chest.
They run down the beach, the cool sand under their feet feeling like heaven after the sticky heat of the pier. The waves crash into the shore, and Jake stops short, his eyes wide. "Dad! Dad! Heeseung's mom says we can all have dinner together!"
His dad looks up from the stand, wiping his brow. "Really?" He asks, his voice filled with surprise. "Well, that's fantastic! I'll make sure to save a few extra hotdogs, then."
Jake's heart swells with excitement. This was going to be the best summer ever.
☾☼☽
Jake wakes up to sun light streaming through his window. He groans sleepily, wiping at his eyes and stretching his arms over his head. It's going to be another hot one, but he doesn't mind. Summer days in Australia are always hot, and cleaning up this dust bucket of a house is only going to make things worse.
He rolls into a sitting position the edge of the bed, the sunlight beating down on his face. He'll have to get a new pair of curtains soon. Maybe something that keeps the heat out better. He glances over at his clock. 8 AM. He's got a few hours before the market gets open, and he decides going early is the best option so he can get every thing he needs to clean up. He throws his legs over the side of the bed and stands up, stretching his back with a yawn.
He pads over to his dresser and pulls out his favorite pair of shorts and a t-shirt, throwing them on. He's already sweating by the time he's dressed, so he decides to skip the socks and shoes for now. They'll just get sandy anyway. He grabs a pair of flip flops and making sure he has his wallet and keys, heads out of his room, the floorboards creaking under his feet.
Jay and Sunghoon are late sleepers, so it gives Jake a chance to clear his mind as he locks the front door behind him. The salty smell of the ocean attacks him the second he steps outside, and he takes a deep breath. The beach is already buzzing with early morning joggers and surfers heading out to catch the waves. Maybe he should take his own board out today, after they get done with their chores.
The Market is a much farther walk from the beach house, but Jake has no complaints as the sun beats down on his skin, warming him up and giving him the energy to tackle the day ahead. He strolls down the sidewalk, his flip flops smacking against the concrete as he takes in the sights and sounds of the coastal town waking up. The local café is already bustling with early birds sipping on their coffee, and the distant sound of seagulls squawking fills the air.
The Market is eerily empty as Jake arrives, the only company being the cashier at check out. He's looking down at his phone when Jake enters so he doesn't notice him at first. Jake takes his time, wandering through the aisles, checking each item of his mental list; bleach, clorox wipes, a new mop, a broom and dustpan set, cleaning rags, sponges, and two boxes of large gloves.
Since he's already here, he decides to get a couple items of food. He'll come back another day to do actual grocery shopping, but he just needs the essentials for now. He grabs a box of sausages, cereal, milk, a carton of eggs, and a loaf of bread. That'll keep them fed until Jake comes back to get more. He also grabs a pack of marshmallows and chocolate bars just in case Jay and Sunghoon want to have s'mores.
The cashier finally looks up as Jake approaches the counter, his eyes blinking blearily in the early morning light as he turns his phone off and shoves it into his pocket. "Morning," Jake greets, sliding his items onto the conveyor belt one by one. "How are you today?"
"'m fine," the cashier mumbles, his eyes still half-closed. He starts scanning Jake's items, and Jake notices the name tag pinned to his shirt: 'Jungwon'. "You're up early," Jungwon says, his tone slightly friendlier.
Jake hums, tapping his fingers against the container of eggs. "The market get's pretty full after twelve so I thought it would be better to come early. Plus, my friends and I have a beach house to clean," he says with a grin. Jungwon nods, typing up something before he smiles at Jake.
"Sounds fun! Your total will be $43.50," Jungwon says, sliding the last item into a plastic bag. "Cash or card?"
Jake opens his wallet, pulling out a fifty dollar bill. "Cash," he says, placing the bill onto the counter. Jungwon nods, taking the money and handing him his change. "Thanks," Jake says, stuffing the dollars and coins into his pocket and taking the bags into his hands.
"Have a nice day!" Jungown calls as Jake heads out of the market, the bags in his hands feeling heavier than they did when he first picked them up. The sun is beating down harsher than when he left the house, now making him wish he'd thought to grab a hat before leaving the house. He starts the trek back to the beach house, his flip flops slapping against the sidewalk.
As he makes his way back to the house, he thinks of all the times him and Heeseung had walked this same path. It had been their routine every summer. He'd beg his mom or dad for his allowance early just so he could blow half of it on snacks for him, Heeseung, and Sunoo. He would get in trouble when his parents found out, but the smiles on their faces made it worth it.
Heeseung was easily excited, but he could also be oddly stubborn at times. Jake remembered the way he used to refuse to leave the beach unless he had the perfect sandcastle. And when they had found that abandoned boat and turned it into their secret clubhouse, Heeseung had insisted they build a moat, even though it was just a hole in the sand filled with seawater.
As the oldest, Heeseung was always responsible for whatever trouble the younger boys got them into. It was never anything serious, but they had managed to cause their fair share of trouble around the beach. Most of the locals knew them by now, and would often shake their heads with a chuckle as they watched the trio run amok.
Jake chuckles to himself. He missed those times when he left, and if he was being honest, he would do anything to go back in time and relive those moments with Heeseung and Sunoo. But, as he turns the corner to the beach house, the reality of the present hits him hard. There's a familiar figure sitting on the porch steps, hands clasped together and head downcast.
Jake's body freezes in its spot, his eyes wide and his mouth dropped open. His blood turns to led, and there's a chance bile might be rising in his throat the longer he stares at the form sitting on his porch. He gulps, taking a slight step backwards. The bags rustle in his hand, causing a loud enough sound that the figure's head shoots up. suddenly, he's looking into a pair of big, round eyes. It's Heeseung.
He looks much different than the last time Jake had seen him. His hair is a light peach color, styled in a way that's both trendy and messy. He's got studs lining both his ears and Jake is pretty sure there's an eyebrow piercing peaking through his fringe.
He's much taller than before too, and muscular. He still looks like a twink but it's obvious he's been hitting the gym more often than not. Jake snaps his mouth closed, clenching the bags in his hands.
Heeseung shoots up from the porch, breaking out into a bright smile. "Jake? So it really is you! I thought I was seeing things when I saw you down at the beach last night, but I guess I was right."
Jake's heart thuds in his chest as he stares at his childhood friend. His mouth goes dry and he can't seem to find the words to respond. The image of Heeseung from his memories clashes with the reality standing before him. The years had transformed the scrawny, scared kid into a confident young man, yet the warmth in his eyes remained unchanged.
"Jake? You okay?" Heeseung's voice cut through the haze of Jake's shock, bringing him back to the present.
Jake stammers, nodding as he finally gets his feet to work again. "I-I'm fine. I'm just surprised to see you," he says, his voice cracking slightly. He tries to play it cool, walking past Heeseung and setting the cleaning supplies down by the door. "What.. are you doing here?"
Heeseung looks sheepish at that, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck. "Well I wanted to see if it was really you that I saw last night, but I decided to wait until this morning. Didn't wanna scare you."
Jake's heart races as he fumbles with the bags, trying to play it cool. "Surprise visits aren't really your thing, are they?" he says, trying to lighten the mood. Heeseung chuckles, the sound sending nostalgia through Jake's head.
Heeseung stands awkwardly behind him. "Well, uh, I guess I'll leave you to whatever you've got going on. Mom probably needs me at the diner to help out anyway."
Jake smiles but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Say hi for me? Tell her I'm sorry we didn't get to catch up," he says, trying to keep his voice steady. He doesn't dare look at Heeseung, afraid of what he might see in those eyes that had once been so open and warm, but now seemed to hold secrets. He turns the key in the lock and pushes the door open.
He hears the stairs creak as Heesseung walks back down them, and he sighs, bending down to pick up the bags and set them in the entry way. He closes the door softly behind him, leaning against it and releasing a breath he didn't know he was holding.
☾☼☽
The eggs sizzle in the pan, and Jake looks out the kitchen window as he lays the spatula on the counter, his mind racing with thoughts of Heeseung. Sunghoon and Jay were up when he got back, sitting at the kitchen island and sipping on cups of water. He barely said a word to them about the encounter with Heeseung, not wanting to ruin the easy banter they had going on about the day ahead. They had plans to hit the beach after the house was clean, and Jake didn't want any drama to spoil it.
"So," Jay says, his voice cutting through the sizzling sound of the eggs. His glass dings as he sits it down on the ceramic counter "What's the plan for today? Other than us cleaning and hitting the beach after. Who's doing what?"
Jake shrugs, scrambling the eggs and turning the fire down. "I figured we could split up the cleaning tasks. You guys can tackle the living room and bedrooms while I do the kitchen and bathroom. It'll make things faster, you know?"
Sunghoon nods, stretching out his arms with a yawn. "Sounds good to me," he says. "But after that, we're all going to need a shower and some seriously good soap. This place is grimier than a greasy burger after a beach party."
Jay snickers, taking a bite of toast. "Speaking of parties, you guys remember that summer when we had that massive water balloon fight?" He winks at Jake. "Or when we tried to make our own slip 'n slide?"
Sunghoon laughs, wiping crumbs from his mouth. "Yeah, and you slipped and took out Mrs. Kim's garden!"
Jake shakes his head, a smile tugging at his lips despite the heaviness in his heart. "Good times," he murmurs, focusing on the eggs to avoid their gazes. When they're finally done, he grabs three plates, dividing them equally between the three of them. "Let's eat before we get started," he suggests, sliding the plates across the counter. "Better to work on a full stomach."
They eat in relative silence, only the occasional clink of a fork against the plate breaking the silence. Jake's mind is occupied by his run in with Heeseung, and he takes longer to finish his eggs than the other two. Heeseung had looked so different, but the same at the same time. It was like looking at a grown-up version of his childhood self, but with a layer of something else - something untouchable and mysterious - that Jake couldn't quite put his finger on. He sighed, shoveling the last of his eggs into his mouth and taking a sip of water.
"You okay man?" Sunghoon asks, his gaze concerned. "You're usually not one to play with your food, and you've sighed six times in the past minute. Something happen?" Jay's gaze lands on him as well and he mentally curses himself out for making them think something was wrong. He really doesn't need the two of them to know that he saw Heeseung just yet.
Jake glances up, forcing a smile. He dismisses their worries with a wave. "It's nothing. I'm probably still a little tired, nothing to worry too much about. I'll be fine once we get this place looking presentable." He stands up, taking his plate to the sink. "Let's get started, shall we? We have so much to do."
Sunghoon and Jay look at each other, concern etched in their expressions, but they don't press the issue. They know Jake well enough to know that when he says something is 'nothing', it's usually something. But they also know that Jake needs his space when he's like this. So, they nod and grab their plates, following him to the sink.
"Okay, sure. Let's get to it," Jay says, still eyeing Jake warily. They all clear their plates and Jake starts handing out cleaning supplies.
He pulls the gloves over his hands and grabs at the sponges. "Let's get this show on the road!"
The cleaning process is methodical and mindless, which is exactly what Jake needs. The smell of bleach fills the air as he tackles the dust and grime that's accumulated over the years in the corners of the kitchen. He can hear Jay and Sunghoon's footsteps from above him.
He scrubs at the floors, gnawing at his lips and trying to ignore the way his thoughts keep drifting back to Heeseung. The sound of their laughter and the smell of sunscreen and saltwater fills his head, memories from their childhood summers together, and he feels a pang of nostalgia in his chest.
He had missed Heeseung more than he thought, and when he saw his face, he couldn't help being reminded of that fact. Heeseung had looked so happy to see him, but Jake wasn't sure if he felt the same way. There were so many unanswered questions and unresolved feelings between them, and now they were thrown together in this beach town again. It was like a plot twist in a TV show he didn't expect.
Heeseung was the first friend he had made after they moved to Brisbane, and he was always sweet to Jake, always taking the blame for him and (sometimes) Sunoo when they got into trouble. The thought of Heeseung waiting for him outside, the same porch they had shared so many secrets and laughs on, brought a wave of sadness that Jake hadn't anticipated.
He drops his head, wiping the sweat off his brow with his forearm. He shouldn't be thinking of Heeseung at a time like this, but he guesses he really can't help it. He groans, going back to scrubbing the dirt from the tile floors. The grout has seen better days, and he can feel the roughness of it through his gloves as he scrubs.
He eventually moves on, finding a new corner of the kitchen to scrub the dirt from. The tiles come up cleaner than he expected, and he can't help but feel a sense of pride in his work. The house is starting to look like a place that could be lived in again. Well, it was only meant for the summer, but Jake thinks if he had no choice, he would live here year-round. The beach was just too tempting.
As he works, the sound of the ocean waves crashes in through the open windows, mixing with the occasional laughter of Jay and Sunghoon upstairs. It's comforting, and Jake feels the tension in his muscle's disintegrate slightly. Maybe this summer will be good for them. Maybe it'll be like the old times.
The strong smell of bleach keeps his mind focused, giving his mind no opportunity to wander and get lost in the past. He moves from the corners of the kitchen to around the islands where the grout is stained from years of neglect. As he scrubs, his thoughts drift back to Heeseung against his will. He doesn't want to think of him. Quite honestly, he would love to forget about him. But alas, he knows he would never be able to. It was virtually impossible. He wonders if he's still living in the same old blue house with the white shudders in the suburbs, if he still works at his mom's diner, if he still builds sandcastles with the same meticulousness.
Then he wonders if Heeseung has found a partner in the time they were separated. He probably has. No reason why he shouldn't. Heeseung was always the one with the charm He was pretty, he was smart, and he was the sweetest, most thoughtful person Jake had ever met. Well, it was all debatable. The thought of Heeseung finding a partner stings a bit, but Jake brushes it off. He's not here to stir up old feelings or make things complicated. He's just here to spend the summer with his best friend's and relax. Drink a few beers and kick back like he tomorrow will never arrive.
Well, that plan was scratched the moment Heeseung had shown up on his porch with those big brown eyes, and those pretty pi- no. Stop it, Jake. Focus. You have no time to be fantasizing about Lee Heeseung. Especially Lee Heeseung. Now was not the time for his feelings to be resurfacing. In fact, this was the most inconvenient of times for this to be happening! He was sure he left those behind when he got on the plan to Seattle. He had to have left those behind when he got on that plane.
He scrubbed harder at the stain that was refusing to leave the grout, really putting his back into it now. It was like trying to remove a stubborn piece of gum stuck under a table. He could feel his anger bubble up at the thought of Heeseung being with someone else. He had no right to feel like that, they hadn't talked in years, but somehow, it still felt like a betrayal.
The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs snaps him out of his thoughts. He turns to see Jay, his arms full of dirty laundry. "You okay, Jake?" Jay asks, setting the basket down by the couch. "You're going at the floor pretty hard, man."
Jake let's up on the scrubbing, wiping at his forehead again and trying to compose himself. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said, his voice strained as he laughs nervously. "Just trying to get this grout clean. It's not coming up at all."
Jay nods, his eyes searching Jake's face as if he knew the younger boy was lying. He probably did. Jake wasn't be best of liars, and he knew it. He wasn an open book, always wearing his heart on his sleeve. "Want some help?" he offered, and Jake knew he wasn't just talking about the cleaning. Jay had always been the intuitive one, the one who knew when something was off with him.
Jake waves him off. "No, it's fine. I can get it on my own. Thanks for the offer though. How's the progress upstairs?"
Jay shrugs, breaking out into a smile. "It's coming along. Sunghoon's found his inner Marie Kondo and is organizing your room like a pro." He chuckles. "But seriously, if you need to talk about anything, you know I'm here."
Jake stares at him before nodding. "That's good. Im glad we're making some progress. I'll be up to join you guys soon," he says, looking back down as he starts to scrub at the floor again. Jay gives him a firm pat on the back before picking up the basket and heading towards the washing machine. He has no idea where he got the laundry, but he won't say anything. Jay can figure it out on his own.
After what feels like forever of scrubbing at the same spot, it's safe to say Jake can finally move on to cleaning the rest of the floor. It's much easier than the corners, and by the time he's done, his clothes are stained and there's sweat dripping down his neck and back. He moves onto scrubbing the counters next, using all the strength left in his tired arms to clean the greasy spots that have somehow become one with the laminate.
The sun has moved across the sky, and the shadows in the room have shifted by the time he's finally done with the kitchen and moved on to the bathroom. Jay and Sunghoon come downstairs, looking exhausted but obviously satisfied with their work. And clean. They must have taken showers while Jake was getting his clothes soaked in bleach. "Looks like you've got the worst of it," Jay says, clapping him on the back.
Sunghoon nods, his eyes looking Jake over. "You okay, buddy?"
Jake grunts, pushing himself up from the floor with a groan. "Yeah, I'm good," he says, yanking his gloves off and throwing them in the trash can. "I'm just glad we've finally finished. I'm in need of a really good fucking shower."
Jay and Sunghoon laugh, and Jake joins in, leaning against the doorframe. "You're not wrong there," Jay says, stretching his arms above his head. "But let's not forget the beach time we promised ourselves. We've earned it for all our hard work."
Jake nods, clapping him on the shoulder. "Well, you guys can talk about that while I go take a shower. I'll join you in a bit," he says, and they nod. He swears he saw Sunghoon lean in to kiss Jay as he turns to walk up the staircase, but he brushes it off. Jake would know if the two of them were dating or not.
The water is hot and the pressure just right as he steps into the shower, letting it wash away the grime from the kitchen and the heaviness from his thoughts. He lathers himself with soap, trying to focus on the task at hand. The warm water is calming, and he lets it wash over him, his mind slowly starting to relax. He closes his eyes, letting the stream hit his forehead as he sighs.
As he scrubs his hair, his thoughts drift back to Heeseung again. The way his eyes had lit up when he saw Jake, the way he had looked at him like he was ecstatic to finally see him again. It had been a long time since someone had looked at him like that. The realization sends a shiver down his spine, and he quickly shakes his head. This was ridiculous. He couldn't let his past ruin his present. He had Jay and Sunghoon here, and they were his focus. They had always been there for him, and he wasn't going to let some old feelings mess that up.
It's his summer vacation after a long year of being stressed and trying not to gauge his eyes out. He was going to enjoy it, no matter what. He would ignore Heeseung, ignore those stupid feelings and just live in the moment. That's what summers were for, right? For relaxing and partying and forgetting about all the shit that went down during the year.
He turns off the water, stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around his waist. He stands in front of the mirror, running a hand through his damp hair. He doesn't look too shabby, considering the mess he'd been earlier. The cleaning had done him good. It had helped him clear his head. He'd figure out the Heeseung situation later. For now, he needed to focus on the beach. He decided he could skip out on his facial routine for now, and just decided to dry off and get dressed.
Jake is cute. He's got pretty lips and big puppy dog eyes. He's a little shorter than Jay and Sunghoon, but he doesn't think it's too bad. He's got nice thighs and he doesn't have abs, but his stomach is nice and flat. His waist is lithe and he's got a decent chest. He's not too muscular, but he's definitely got some definition to him. He figures if he wanted to find someone to hook up with this summer, he wouldn't have any trouble.
He dresses in another pair of shorts today, but there a bit shorter than he usually wears them. He grabs a t-shirt that clings to his chest, the fabric sticking to his damp skin for a moment before he pulls it over his head. He looks himself over in the mirror, and for the first time in a long time, he feels a twinge of self-confidence. Maybe this summer wouldn't be so bad after all.
He heads downstairs to find Jay and Sunghoon already changed and ready to go. They're both in board shorts, their torsos bare, showing off their toned abs and muscular arms. Jake feels a bit self-conscious but shakes it off. He's not here to compete with them, or anyone else for that matter.
Sunghoon looks him up and down, wolf whistling as he comes down the stairs. "Who are you trying to look all good for? You've got a hot date with the beach or something?"
Jake laughs it off, his cheeks reddening. "No, is it bad that I wanna dress up a little?" he jokes, grabbing a towel and throwing it over his shoulder. "Plus, none of the guys here are my type."
Jay slaps his hand on Jake's back. "You'll find someone, don't worry," he says, winking. "Or they'll find you."
They head out, the salty breeze caressing their faces as they make their way down the beach path. The sand is hot under Jake's flip flops, reminding him of the many times he and Heeseung had run barefoot to the water's edge. He tries to push the thought aside, but it's hard when every step he takes make's eleven years of running through the sand attack him.
Looks like he's not going to be able to spend his summer vacation Lee Heeseung free quite like he thought.
☾☼☽
Jake was only eleven when he had his first kiss. It was cold and rainy on this day, but the beach was still their playground. Heeseung had chased him down the beach, both of them laughing as the rain pelted their heads and soaked their clothes. They had stumbled into their makeshift boat clubhouse, a large cardboard box with a hole for a door. Heeseung had shivered, his teeth chattering, and Jake had wrapped his arms around him to warm him up.
Heeseung smiled appreciatively at him, patting his head and saying, "Thanks, Jakey," in a way that made Jake's little eleven year old stomach do flips. His cheeks flushed a deep red, and he looked down as Heeseung giggled down at him. "But we should probably get inside now or we'll get sick. I don't want your parents to get mad at me for letting you catch a cold."
Jake nodded, letting Heeseung take his hand and lead him into the clubhouse. It was the first time Heeseung had called him "Jakey," and it made him feel special. They sat down on the old beach towel they used as a rug, their damp clothes sticking to their skin. The wind howled outside, the rain beating against the cardboard walls. Jake looked up at Heeseung, who was staring at him with a strange expression.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Jake asks, bringing his knees to his chest and tilting his head at Heeseung. Heeseung had never looked at him quite like that before, and Jake was feeling a little confused. His head couldn't keep up with him.
Heeseung smiled softly, raising a hand to brush the hair clinging to Jake's forehead away. His eyes are dark, but Jake thinks they look as pretty as always. "Have you ever kissed someone, Jake?"
Jake stares at him, his eyebrows pinched in confusion. "Kiss?" Heeseung nods, leaning back against the cardboard with his legs stretched out in front of him. Jake shakes his head, lips downturned in a frown. "I don't think so. What even is that?"
Heeseung laughs, a warm sound that echoes through the small space. "A kiss is when two people touch their lips together, you know, like in movies. Or when their lips touch someone's cheek. That's a kiss, Jakey."
Jake perks up, snapping his fingers together. "Oh, yeah! I've seen my mom and dad kiss before! And they kiss me too. They even kiss our dog Layla sometimes." He blinks up at Heeseung, eyes wide and filled with curiosity. "You mean like that?"
Heeseung's smile widens, and he leans in closer, his warmth enveloping Jake in the small space. "Yeah, it's like when your mom and dad kiss. People do it when they like each other," Heeseung explains. "So, have you ever kissed someone?"
Jake shakes his head again. "No, but why are you asking? Is it something we should do?"
Heeseung giggles, his nose scrunching up in a way that Jake finds absolutely adorable. "Well," Heeseung starts, his voice low and gentle, "do you like me, Jake?"
Jake smiles, nodding enthusiastically. His hair bounces up and down on top of his head, and Heeseung shakes his head. "Of course I like you, Seungie. You're my best friend in the whole wide world! You're nice and you always make me hot chocolate when I go to your house on the weekends! I really like you."
Heeseung laughs. "I like you too, Jakey. You're also my best friend."
Jake hums. "Since we like each other, does that mean we can kiss?"
Heeseung looks at him with a smile that feels like a warm embrace. "If you want to," he whispers.
Jake nods, his little heart thumping loudly in his chest. He shifts onto his knees, hands in his lap as he shuffles forward, closing the space between them. Heeseung mirrors his movement, and before Jake can think too much about it, their lips meet in a gentle peck. It's weird and warm and wet, but it's also... nice. He feels Heeseung's hand on his cheek, guiding him, and Jake giggles against Heeseung's soft lips. It's their little secret, shared in the tiny cardboard fortress.
They're both laughing when they pull away, and Jake's cheeks are flushed a rosy red. He looks up at Heeseung, his eyes wide and sparkling with excitement. "It's not weird, right?" he asks, his voice hopeful.
Heeseung shakes his head, his eyes filled with the same warmth they always were. "No, Jakey, it's not weird. It's just... different. Do you think it's weird at all that we've kissed now?"
Jake shake his head. "No. I don't want it to be weird at all."
They sit in silence for a moment, the rain beating against the cardboard, creating a steady rhythm that Jake finds comforting. Then he feels Heeseung take his hand, intertwining their fingers together and squeezing twice. "We should get back to my house. Our parents are probably wondering where we are."
"Okay," Jake agrees quietly, pushing himself up to his feet. "Do we have to run again?"
Heeseung laughs. "Yeah. But don't worry. I'll hold your hand so you don't fall."
Jake nods, feeling his heart flutter in his chest. He tightens his grip around Heeseung's hand, letting the warmth spread through his small body. They make their way out of the clubhouse, the rain soaking them once again and chilling them down to the bones. They sprint down the beach, the waves crashing around their ankles as they go. The cold water sends shockwaves up their legs, but they don't care. They're laughing, their bodies tangled together as they try to outrun the rain.
They stumble into Heeseung's house, soaking wet and shivering. Mrs. Lee takes one look at them from the kitchen entryway and sighs, shaking her head. "What have you two silly little gooses gotten yourselves into now?" she asks, her voice coated in exasperation but her eyes sparkling with amusement.
Heeseung giggles, his cheeks flushed from the cold. "We just wanted to play on the beach," he says, tugging Jake closer. "It's okay, we're okay mom."
Mrs. Lee sighs, but her stern expression quickly melts into one of concern as she takes in their shivering forms. "Come on, I'll make you both some hot cocoa," she says, leading them to the warm kitchen. "There are cookies in the oven. Take your shoes off and grab towels from the closet."
The scent of chocolate fills the air as they peel off their soggy clothes and sit at the kitchen table, wrapped in towels. Heeseung sneaks glances at Jake, his heart racing as his eyes linger on Jake's pretty smile, sipping his cocoa with a content smile, eyes locked on the cookie jar. Mrs. Lee bustles around, setting out two more steaming mugs and two plates of warm cookies.
"You boys are crazy! Jake's parents are going to be here to pick him up in an hour!" She exclaims. "How are you going to explain to them that you're both soaking wet and her son probably has a cold?"
Jake sniffles, feeling the warmth from the cocoa spread through him like a blanket. "They're not going to be mad. I get sick all the time. Plus, I had fun," he says, smiling up at Mrs. Lee. She rolls her eyes, but her smile says she's happy to see them enjoying themselves.
As they sit and drink their cocoa and eat their cookies, the rain starts to die down outside. Heeseung's mom dries their clothes in the dryer, and she makes them take a warm shower to try and get rid of their chills. Jake sits on the couch and waits patiently for Heeseung to come back down.
When Heeseung does, he's wearing a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants that are a little too long for his legs. His hair is slicked back, and his cheeks are still a bit pink from the heat of the shower. He sits down next to Jake, their legs touching slightly, and Jake feels the same jolt of excitement he did when they kissed in the clubhouse.
"Jake?" Heeseung whispers, his voice barely carrying over the sound of the TV playing in the background.
Jake turns to look at him. "Yeah?"
"Let's keep what happened a secret, okay? Just between us," Heeseung says, his eyes wide.
Jake nods, his throat feeling thick. "Okay, Seungie," he says quietly. It's their little secret, and he's happy to keep it that way.
The memory comes to an end when he hears fingers snapping in his face. "Jake? Jake, snap out of it man!" Sunghoon yells in his face, his cheeks pink from the sun and his eyes squinted from the glare. Jake blinks rapidly, looking around the beach to find himself surrounded by a sea of people and his friends trying to get his attention.
"You okay?" Jay asks, his eyes narrowed with concern. "We've been trying to get your attention for the past fifteen minutes. You looked like you were a million miles away."
Fitting. "Ah, no, I was just thinking about something," he mumbles, feeling his cheeks heat up. The last thing he wanted was for them to know about his little rendezvous with nostalgia. He shakes his head, pushing the thoughts away. "I'm fine. Sorry if I worried you guys."
They exchange a look that Jake can't quite read before Jay claps his hands together. "Alright, let's shed our clothes and hit the water," he says, standing up.
Sunghoon laughs, following Jay's lead and stripping down to his swim trunks. Jake watches them for a moment, his mind still in the past, but he shakes himself out of it. "You guys go ahead. I'll come out in a bit."
They nod, and Jake turns away to give them some privacy as they run into the waves. He takes a deep breath, willing his heart to slow down. He's not ready to face the beach yet, not with the memory of that kiss still so fresh in his mind. He stands, wiping the sand from his butt and starting off down the shoreline.
The path to the clubhouse is buried under years of sand and growth, but Jake can still trace it in his mind's eye. He wanders along the shoreline, toeing the water as it kisses his feet, feeling the familiar warmth of the sun on his skin. It's been so long since he's felt this way—like he's stepping into a painting that's been collecting dust in the attic of his memories. The beach is as he remembers it: vast and unchanging, a silent witness to countless summers of joy and heartache.
He hears the sound of cardboard flapping before he sees it, a hint of nostalgia tickling his ears. The clubhouse isn't as grand as he remembered it, but it's still there, buried under the shifting sands of time. The rain had never truly washed away the memories of that day. The day he kissed Heeseung. Jake's heart skips a beat, and he walks over to the dilapidated structure, kneeling down to peer inside. It's empty, just like the space in his heart that Heeseung used to fill.
The towel they once used as a rug is gone, but the smell of the salty sea air is the same, and the echo of their laughter seems to resonate within the cardboard walls. Jake reaches out, running his finger over the whole that served as a door, feeling a sense of longing that makes his heart ache. He hadn't realized how much he missed those simple moments, the ones where their biggest worry was if the waves would crash over their sandcastles or if a shark would magically appear and bite their legs off.
He sighs, and the sound is lost to the wind. He's not sure what he's expecting to find here, but the reality hits him like a wave. He's grown up. So has Heeseung. But somehow, he's still the same bright and bubbly person he was all those years ago. And that kiss? It was just a kiss. A simple, childish gesture between two best friends who thought they were so much more when it was obvious they weren't.
Two kids who drunk hot chocolate together and spent weekends at each other's house. Two kids who shared clothes although Jake's never really fit Heeseung because of his long legs. Two kids who kissed in a cardboard clubhouse because that's what friends do when they're in love but don't know it, right?
Jake sighs again, dropping his head and clasping his hands together. He can't believe he's still holding onto that memory so tightly, but it's like a part of him is stuck in that cardboard fortress, frozen in time. He looks down at the sand, watching the tiny grains sift through his fingers. The ocean whispers secrets to him, the wind sings to him. It's a melody that's always been there, but he's only just hearing it now.
"Hey," a voice says softly from behind him, and Jake jumps, whipping around to see Heeseung standing there, his peach hair fluttering in the breeze. He's got a hand shielding his eyes so he can look down at Jake. "What are you doing here?"
Jake pushes up onto this feet, brushing the sand from his knees as he stands to face Heeseung. "Just...remembering some thing," he mumbles feeling his cheeks warm under the scrutiny of those piercing eyes. He's not sure what to say. It's been so long since they've talked about that kiss, since they've talked about anything of substance really. "What are you doing here?"
Heeseung shrugs. "Thought I'd come and get the cardboard off the beach. It's gonna get buried under the sand if I don't," he says with a small frown, his eyes lingering on the dilapidated structure.
Jake nods, clapping his hands together and pointing at Heeseung. "Well, I'll let you get to that. Jay and Sunghoon are probably waiting for me."
Heeseung's gaze doesn't leave the cardboard box. "They don't know, do they?"
Jake swallows, his eyes dropping to the sand as he digs his toes into the sand. "Know what? What are you talking about?"
Heeseung smiles sadly, turning to look at him. "Don't play dumb, Jake. You know what I'm talking about. That we used to come here. That we had a secret clubhouse. That we were idiots and we-"
Jake holds up a hand. "Stop. We've both moved on now, haven't we? It's just a childhood memory," he says, trying to keep his voice even. "Let's not make a big deal out of it. We don't need to talk about it anymore. Now, or ever."
Heeseung sighs, taking a slow step towards Jake. "Are you mad at me?"
Is Jake mad at him? He isn't really sure. He's confused, hurt, and nostalgic all at once. But he doesn't want to rehash old wounds. "Mad? No, not at all," he says finally. "Just...surprised, I guess. I didn't expect to see you sitting on my porch after what happened before I left. Or with...those," he says, gesturing at Heeseung's hair and piercings.
Heeseung laughs, running a hand through his hair and down his ears. "Yeah, it's a new look. It was time for me to change. I thought maybe you wouldn't have recognized me if you saw me on the street. That's why I came this morning, not because of what happened back then. A lot has changed since you've been gone Jake."
Jake nods. "Yeah? Like what?"
Heeseung shrugs. "Life, for starters. Dad got sick, Heedo graduated from college and got engaged. I had to take up a job at the diner so we could pay for dad's treatment. I'll probably never be able to go to college. And Sunoo graduated from high school. He's majoring in fashion design."
Jake frowns. "I'm sorry to hear about your dad. Is he okay?"
Heeseung nods. "He's fine. Thanks for asking," he says, his voice tight. "He's in remission now, but it's been a tough road."
Jake looks away. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for that," he murmurs.
Heeseung chuckles dryly. "Not your fault. You needed to leave. I don't blame you for that. I would leave and run away as far as I could if I had the chance too."
Jake groans. "That's not what I mean, Heeseung. I didn't need to leave. I just didn't know what to do. After everything that happened, I just... I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't know how to look you in the face and pretend that everything was okay when it wasn't. I'm sorry. I ruined everything because I was too much of a coward to tell you.." he trials off, covering his face with his hands.
Heeseung's voice is gentle. "You didn't ruin anything, Jake. Sometimes things just change. That's all."
Jake drops his hands, his eyes meeting Heeseung's. "But we didn't even talk about it. After everything we've been through, I just left without saying goodbye properly."
Heeseung nods, his eyes searching Jake's. "I know," he says softly. "But we were kids, and we didn't know any better. And now we're not. We're adults now, idiot. We can talk properly without throwing hissy fits and running away."
Jake laughs, the sound a little shaky. "I guess you're right," he admits. "But it's hard, you know? Coming back here and seeing everything the same but...different. Seeing you. I can't stop thinking about it."
Heeseung hums. "If it's any consolation, neither can I. Every time I look at this beach, I think of you and that summer. And all the summers before and after. You were my best friend Jake, and you still are. I guess I didn't want to let go of that."
Jake feels his chest tighten. "Yeah," he whispers. "Me too."
Heeseung takes a deep breath, looking out at the horizon. "Do you remember that night we watched the shooting stars?"
Jake nods, his eyes glazed over with the memory. "How could I forget?" he murmurs. "We made wishes on every single one we saw. What was your wish?"
Heeseung smiles, turning to look at him. "I wished that we could always be together. That we could always come to this beach and watch the stars. What was your wish?"
Jake shifts on his feet. "I wished that we could all go to Seattle together like we talked about as kids," he says. "I wanted us to chase our dreams together, no matter what they were. As long as we were together, I didn't care what we did."
Heeseung nods, kicking up a bit of sand. "I remember," he says. "But life had other plans for us, huh?"
Jake chuckles. "I guess so." He turns to Heeseung. "I really should get going now. They're probably wondering where I went."
Heeseung nods, his gaze lingering on the crumbling clubhouse. "Take care, Jakey," he says, his voice soft as Jake takes off back the way he came. He digs his hands into his short pockets, staring at his bare feet as they leave imprints in the sand.
"Jake!" Heeseung suddenly yells, catching his attention, his voice cutting through the silence this far side of the beach offers. Jake stops in his tracks, his heart racing. He turns back to see Heeseung running towards him, the sand flying around his bare feet. "I forgot to tell you," he says, panting slightly when he reaches him. "There's a beach party Saturday night farther down. You, Jay, and Sunghoon should come and check it out."
Jake's eyes widen with surprise at Heeseung's sudden invitation. A beach party? That was the kind of thing they used to do together, back when they had to beg their parents to let them go and promise they wouldn't drink or do any drugs and be at home by ten-thirty sharp. "A beach party?" he echoes.
"Yeah. It's going to be epic," Heeseung says, his eyes lighting up with excitement. "I'll save you a spot. Just come find me around the bonfire."
Jake nods. "Yeah, okay. I'll uh.. I'll run it by them," he says, his voice trailing off as he tries to picture the three of them at a beach party with Heeseung.
"And, uh—it's good to finally see you again, Jake!" Heeseung says with a small smile. "I—um," he pauses, his smile turning bashful. He rubs at the back of his neck. "Sunoo has really missed having you around, you know?"
And yeah, maybe Jake's heart cracks a little at the implication that he was missed by Heeseung's younger brother and not Heeseung himself. But he squares his shoulders and gives Heeseung the brightest, most blinding smile he can muster. "I've missed Sunoo too. I bet he's much more adorable now, right?"
Heeseung nods, his smile growing. "You have no idea," he says, and Jake can't help but feel a little regret for not keeping in touch with him. "He's got a boyfriend now too. His name is Riki. They're totally inseparable."
Jake laughs. "That's cute. Tell him I said hi."
Heeseung nods. "I will," he says. "Definitely. He'll be excited to know you're back."
Jake nods and takes a step back. "Okay, well, I'll see you whenever I see you. Bye Heeseung."
Heeseung's smile fades a little, but he nods. "See ya, Jakey," he says, turning and walking back towards the cardboard clubhouse. Jake watches him go, his heart feeling heavier than before. He sighs, and with one last look at the structure and Heeseung's departing back, he turns and heads back to where he left Jay and Sunghoon.
☾☼☽
"Guys, seriously. We didn't even talk about anything," Jake groans, curling into a ball on his bed. "He just told me he was there to get the trash and he said Sunoo missed me. It wasn't even anything serious," Jake says, his voice muffled by the pillow.
Sunghoon and Jay have been interrogating him for the past twenty minutes, dragging him back to the beach house and peppering him with questions about his run-in with Heeseung. Jake's cheeks are still a little pink from the sun, but he's pretty sure it's more from the embarrassment than the heat.
"You sure about that? Jay snickers. "You two looked pretty cozy. What's the deal with you and Heeseung anyway?"
Jake pulls his fingers apart to peak through them up at Jay. He's smirking, arms folded across his chest, and Sunghoon is leaning against the doorway, his eyes gleaming with curiosity. "There's no deal," Jake says defensively. "We were just kids. I had a crush, we kissed in a cardboard clubhouse, and that was it. Like I said; nothing serious."
Does Jake believe it was nothing serious? No. But do Sunghoon and Jay need to know that so they have more ammunition to tease him with? No, no, definitely fucking not. He rolls onto his back and looks up at the ceiling fan, the blades slicing through the air above him. "He's just... so different," he says finally. "I didn't expect to see him again, you know? He's all tall and muscular now. And he's got all these piercings and shit."
Sunghoon snorts. "And you're all... well, you," he says, poking Jake in the side. "You've barely changed at all. Still got that baby face that makes you look like you're seventeen."
"Yeah, Jakey," Jay teases, "you're the same old sunscreen-needy, sand-in-your-shorts kid we all knew and loved."
Jake scowls at them, flipping them the bird. "That is not funny. I hate that I can't keep from tanning and you know it. Curse me and my horrible breakouts from using sunscreen all you want, but at least I'm not going to look like a raisin by the time I'm fifty," he says, trying to keep his tone light.
Sunghoon laughs, throwing a pillow at him. "Come on, we're just messing with you. You know we love you," he says, his voice gentle. "But seriously, what's the deal with Heeseung? Did you guys ever talk about that kiss?"
Jake sighs. "I couldn't. Physically, I was ready to just throw myself at him and apologize for being a coward, but the words just wouldn't come out. And now he's... he's just Heeseung again. The same guy who used to make me laugh so hard I'd snort milk out of my nose. The same guy who'd sit with me all night while I cried about my mom and dad choosing to get a divorce."
Sunghoon hums. "And mentally?"
Jake sighs, turning his gaze to the ceiling fan. "Mentally, I'm a fucking mess," he says finally. "I've got so much going on, and I just... I don't know how to talk to him without freaking out anymore. We're not kids anymore. We don't have a cardboard clubhouse to run to when things get tough. And I don't know if he even feels the same way."
The bed dips under Jay's weight as he sits down next to Jake, laying a hand on his shoulder. "You're doing the best you can, Jake. No one can blame you for that. Not even Heeseung. I'm sure he understands," he says, his voice soothing.
Sunghoon nods in agreement from his spot at the door. "Yeah, we all go through shit. It's what makes us human. But you're back now, and that's all that matters. Maybe this is your chance to make things right," he suggests, his eyes gentle.
Jake takes a deep breath, digging his palms into his eyes. "I don't really feel like rehashing the past right now, okay? I love you guys, and I love that you're trying to help, but please don't let me ruin my summer vacation by letting myself act like a fool. I'm a grown adult, not a child. I can handle this," he says, sitting up. "Also, there's a beach party Saturday night, Heeseung said. He invited us to come."
Sunghoon's eyes light up. "Oh, hell yeah, a beach party! That's exactly what we need to blow off some steam! We could find you a nice, handsome guy to get Heeseung off your mind. Or, you know, get him jealous," he says with a wink.
Jay glares up at his, jaw locked. "Shut. Up. Why would you even say that you idiot!" Jay hisses through gritted teeth. "You're not going to use a party to make Jake make Heeseung jealous! It's just not fair to either of them!"
Sunghoon holds his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay, sorry," he says quickly. "But we're all adults, and we all know that sometimes a little bit of jealousy can be a good motivator. Seeing Jake with another guy could totally make Heeseung's inner feelings come out."
Jay rolls his eyes. "But that isn't right! It'll just put way more strain on their relationship. They're already awkward around each other. Besides, did you even stop to think and ask Jake what he wants to do?"
Sunghoon shrugs. "Jake, do you want to make Heeseung jealous by making out with some random, handsome stranger on the beach at a party full of people you don't know?"
Jake shakes his head. "That's not what I want," he says firmly. "I don't want to play games. If something happens between us, it should be because we talk and figure things out, not because I try to make him jealous like some weird, depressed high school kid."
Sunghoon nods, his expression thoughtful. "Fair enough. But you guys are going to have to talk about it at some point. You can't just pretend it didn't happen forever," he says, leaning back against the door.
Well, if Jake put his mind to it, he could definitely pretend he and Heeseung never kissed that night in the clubhouse. He can pretend he hadn't developed a crippling crush on his childhood best friend because he was nice and had a cute younger brother. He could pretend his stomach didn't somersault whenever Heeseung called him Jakey and smiled at him with those piercing eyes.
Jake is stubborn. Even more stubborn than Heeseung ever was. If he chose to ignore something, then by God, he would ignore it until it either went away or knocked him on the head and screamed at him to fix it. And Heeseung knew that. Sunghoon and Jay knew that. The whole damn town knew that. Jake would not be moved once he chose to plant his feet and stand his ground.
He wouldn't act like a child and make Heeseung jealous by making out with some random stranger. He wouldn't run away again, not when he had the chance to finally face the truth. And he definitely wouldn't let his friends (ie: Sunghoon) manipulate the situation for their own entertainment. No, Jake had matured since those days, and he was going to handle this like the adult he was supposed to be.
Jake supposes he could confront Heeseung on his own. He supposes he could storm to Heeseung's three bedroom house in the suburbs and ask what it all meant. He supposes he could spill his guts about his feelings and hope that Heeseung doesn't laugh in his face. But that's not the way it's going to happen. Jake isn't that kind of person. He's going to wait, and he's going to wait until it feels right. Even if it means he has to leave all over again. At some point, he supposes he could just swallow his pride and admit that he still has feelings for Heeseung. But that's a bridge to cross when he's not feeling like he's about to jump off a cliff.
"Are you ever going to tell us what Heeseung said to you that made you leave?" Jay asks quietly, his voice cutting through the silence that had seeped it's way into the room. "You never really told us the reason you decided to leave that night."
Jake's stomach twists at Jay's question. "I... I don't know," he says, his voice a little hoarse. "It was just... we had a fight. It was dumb. We were kids, you know?"
"You always say that," Sunghoon points out. "That you were "just kids". But it doesn't really seem like that's the reason. No one decides to go halfway across the globe because they had a harmless shouting match with their childhood bestfriend, do they?"
Jake and Heeseung's argument was anything but harmless. There was a lot of yelling and a lot of insults thrown around. But what really got to Jake was the accusation that he was running away. Heeseung had pointed out that Jake was always running away from his problems, that he didn't know how to deal with the hard stuff. And Jake, in a fit of anger and hurt, had said some things he hadn't meant. He really hadn't meant to, and the look on Heeseung's face haunted him for weeks. But Heeseung wasn't afraid to hold back on Jake. What he said to Jake that night was the entire reason Jake had hopped onto a plane to Seattle with barely any money to his name and no plan to return.
"I'm not ready to talk about it," Jake mutters, staring down at his hands, his voice tight. "It's just—it's complicated and I'd rather not bring up how much of an asshole I was that night, okay? So if you guys could hold off on asking about it until I'm ready to talk about it, I'd really appreciate that."
Jay nods, running a hand over his arm in a way Jake thinks is meant to be comforting. "Okay. We hear you. We're not going to ask anymore. Not until you're ready to sit down with us and tell us everything," he says, his voice gentle.
"Hey!" Sunghoon yells, swatting at Jay's arm. "I wanted to comfort him this time. Jake, tell him it's my turn!"
Jake snorts, a tiny smile playing on his lips. "It's okay, Hoonie. You can't monopolize all the comforting," he says, his smile widening when his friend stomps like a petulant child. Jay rolls his eyes and smirks at Sunghoon, who pouts dramatically before dropping onto the bed beside them.
"It's not fair! Jay always does all the comforting!" Sunghoon whines, playfully nudging Jake with his elbow. Jay tuts, reaching around Jake's back to poke at Sunghoon's side. The man screeches, pushing Jay's hand away and glaring as the two of them break into laughter. "It's not funny! You're just a big dumb jerk!" Jake's smile lingers as he watches his friends bicker, their playful banter bringing a sense of normalcy he wishes he could always have.
He takes a deep breath, letting the sound of their laughter wash over him like a cool wave. "Alright, enough," he says finally, trying to sound firm but failing miserably as his own chuckles bubble up. "We're going to that party, and we're going to have fun. No matchmaking, no drama. Just us, the beach, and some good old-fashioned fun."
Sunghoon cheers, "Beach party, baby! I'm already picturing the bonfire and the booze, and all the fun!" He's always been the life of the party out of the three of them, eager to throw himself into any social situation although he freezes up whenever someone asks him how he's doing. It's odd, but it's Sunghoon. Sunghoon is just... odd.
Jay nods, his expression a bit more subdued. "But no drama, right Jake?" he asks, looking at him seriously. "You know how things can get out of hand when we're all together."
Jake levels him with an "are you serious look". "If anything goes wrong, the beach house is like a fifteen minute walk away depending on how far down we go. We're not going to cause drama. I promise," he says, trying to keep his tone light despite the sudden tightness in his chest. The last thing he wants is for Heeseung to think he's still that same cowardly kid who runs away from his problems. "Sunghoon. No. Drama. Do you understand?"
Sunghoon nods, his grin unwavering. "I understand," he says, patting Jake's shoulder. "But I make no promises about the booze."
Jay rolls his eyes. "Of course you don't. We all know how much you love getting drunk and acting like a complete fool. You're going to get so wasted me and Jake will have to lug you back."
Sunghoon sneers. "Not true. I can totally handle my liquor. It's you two who get all weepy and dramatic after a few shots," he says, pointing at Jay and Jake.
Jay laughs. "You're the one who ends up singing karaoke with a mouthful of sand," he retorts. "Remember? When Sunoo and you-"
"Shut up!" Sunghoon screeches, leaping across Jake to press his hand firmly against Jay's mouth. "We don't talk about that night!"
Jake looks between the two of them. "What happened with you and Sunoo?"
Sunghoon laughs nervously, pressing harder against Jay's mouth. "Nothing happ- ew! What the fuck, Jay?" Sunghoon yelps, pulling his hand away from Jay's mouth. "Did you just fucking lick me?! Oh my God, I think I'm going to die. I think you just gave me cooties," he says dramatically, wiping his hand on Jay's shirt.
Jay cackles, wiping his mouth. "It's not my fault! You shouldn't have covered my mouth."
"Hey!" Jake "You guys are acting like kids. Can someone just tell me what the fuck happened with Sunghoon and Sunoo? You're acting like Sunghoon kissed the guy or something!"
Jay and Sunghoon go quiet, their laughter fading away as they look at each other, then at Jake. Jake looks back, his expression one of confusion before it finally dawns on him. "Oh my God. You kissed him! You kissed Sunoo! That's what you're not telling me!" he exclaims, smacking his friend on the arm.
Sunghoon's face reddens, and he glares at Jay. "You just had to go and open your big ass mouth!" he hisses.
Jay just shrugs. "It's not like you were going to keep it a secret forever," he says, grinning unapologetically. "Plus, it's kind of cute."
"You think it's cute that your boyfriend kissed another guy?" Sunghoon deadpans, raising an eyebrow when Jay opens his mouth to protest. He stammers over his words, looking between Jake and Sunghoon in shock. After awhile he purses his lips and looks away, his cheeks flushed. Sunghoon smirks. "That's what I thought."
"Wai-what?" Jake yelps, shooting up and pointing between the two of them with a scandalized expression. "You two are together? Like together together? And you didn't think that was worth mentioning?" Jake shrieks, punching Jay in the bicep. "You're a terrible cousin, you know that? You should have told me you were dating my best friend stupid."
Jay laughs, rubbing his arm. "Ow, Jakey, it's not like we've been hiding it. We just didn't think it was a big deal to announce it," he says, glancing over at Sunghoon.
Sunghoon shrugs, a playful smirk still on his face. "We weren't hiding it all you dingbat," he says, his voice teasing. "It's just that you've been so caught up in your own head, we didn't want to add to the drama. Imagine how stressed you would be knowing you were coming home for the summer and that we were dating? You'd probably have had a heart attack on the car ride here."
Jake stares at him, mouth hanging open. "You... you're right," he says finally, flopping back onto the bed. "But still, you could have told me. It's not like it's the worst thing that could happen this summer."
Jay hums. "Then what is the worse thing that can happen this summer?"
"Heeseung get's a partner and I completely miss any opportunity I could have with him ever," Jake mutters, frowning and shaking his head. "That's the worse thing that could happen this summer, y'know?"
Sunghoon's grin fades a little. "You still think there's a chance? For you and him? After all these years?"
Jake does believe there's still a chance. He never stopped believing. He knew that at some point Heeseung had to have liked him back. There had to be some point in their friendship where Heeseung had looked at him and thought, "Wow, I like Sim Jake as more than a friend." That belief had kept him going through the long nights in his cramped dorm room in Seattle, where he missed the warmth of the beach and the sound of the waves.
The beach party was a chance to find out if that belief was just a pipe dream. A chance to see if the spark that had been there all those years ago was still there. And if it wasn't, then at least he'd know for sure. He could move on. Maybe even get over Heeseung. But he had to try.
And even if he had to live his life knowing Heeseung had never seen him as more than a friend, at least he'd know he had tried. Because Jake is a trier. He's not the kind of person to let opportunities pass him by without at least giving it his all. And even though the thought of rejection made his stomach churn, he knew he had to face it. He couldn't just ignore Heeseung for the rest of the summer and pretend everything was okay.
"I do," he nods, his voice earnest. "I've believed it every day for the past three years."
Jay looks at him thoughtfully. "So what's the plan, then? How do you make Heeseung realize how you feel without causing a scene?"
Jake shrugs. "Don't know yet. Maybe I'll just be me and see if that's enough," he says, hating the way his confidence wanes when talking about his feelings for Heeseung.
Sunghoon sighs dramatically. "You're going to have to do better than that, Jakey," he says, poking Jake's side. "You can't just sit around and hope he notices. You're going to have to make a move."
Jake gulps, his stomach flipping. He knows Sunghoon's right, but the thought of making a move makes him want to throw up. "What if he doesn't feel the same way?" he whispers, his voice looking up at them, licking at his lips. "I mean, what if he just thinks I'm being weird?"
Jay sighs, leaning back into the pillows. "You're never going to know unless you tell him, Jake. And if you don't, you're going to spend the rest of your life wondering. And that's way worse than rejection."
Sunghoon nods in agreement, his eyes searching Jake's. "You can't just let your fears hold you back," he says, his voice gentle. "What's the worst that can happen? He says no?"
Jake's heart races at the thought. "What if he says no?"
Sunghoon gives him a look that says 'are you kidding me?' "Then you deal with it, buddy. That's what adults do," he says firmly. "But you can't just ignore it. That's not fair to either of you."
Jake nods, feeling a weight lift from his shoulders. Sunghoon is right. He can't just ignore his feelings and hope they go away or Heeseung somehow notices and reciprocates. He needs to face them head on. "Okay," he says, his voice stronger now. "I'll talk to him at the beach party. I'll tell him how I feel and see where it goes."
Jay claps him on the back. "That's the spirit!" he says, grinning. "And we'll be right here to support you, no matter what happens."
Sunghoon nods, his expression shifting to one of determination. "Good for you, Jake," he says, patting him on the shoulder. "I'm glad you're taking the initiative. Heeseung would be an idiot to pass up someone like you."
Jake smiles. Sunghoon could be the idiot of the group most of the time, but when it came to taking care of the two of them, he was always the first one to jump in. It's why they love him. Sunghoon was the glue that kept their friendship from falling apart. "Thanks, Hoonie," Jake says, feeling a bit more at ease. "But if he says no, I don't know if I can handle seeing him every day for the rest of the summer."
Sunghoon shrugs, "Then don't. If he says no, you can spend the rest of the summer avoiding him," he says, patting Jake's knee comfortingly. "Or you could just accept it and move on. Maybe it's time to let go of the past, Jakey."
Jay shakes his head. "Don't be ridiculous, Jake. You guys have history. You're friends. If Heeseung is the person you think he is, then he'll understand," he says, his voice soothing. "And if he doesn't, then maybe it's time to reevaluate what you thought you knew."
Jake takes a minute to think about Jay's words. He was right. He and Heeseung were friends first. If anything, he owed it to that friendship to be honest about his feelings. He owed it to him himself to finally put this to rest. All the unnecessary pain he had put himself through because he was afraid that Heeseung would immediately drop him just because he had feelings was just that—unnecessary. He's going to tell him and he's not going to be that scared little kid anymore.
He's not going to run away and he's not going to hide anymore. That's what Jake decides as he lies on the bed between two of his closest friends. He's going to face Heeseung at that party on Saturday night and tell him everything. His heart races just thinking about it, but he's tired of living in the shadow of 'what could have been' when he could just step into the light of 'what is'.
Maybe, Heeseung felt the same way and they could actually make a go of it. But Jake knew that the reality was probably somewhere in the middle. Heeseung might not feel the same way, but they could still be friends like they used to. Or maybe they couldn't. Maybe it would ruin everything. But Jake had to try. Because Jake was a trier.
Of course he got scared sometimes, but it was a fear he had to face. After all, he had built his whole life around this moment. Confessing to Heeseung was everything he had lived for the past three years. The beach party was just the first step in either securing his future with Heeseung or letting go of his past.