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Minjeong had always been the quieter one, the one who lingered in the background with a soft smile, while Jimin would light up every room she entered with her bright laughter and seemingly boundless energy. They had been friends since that incident. It really wasn’t all that serious though– Minjeong had been heading home after a long day on campus, ready to face plant into her bed. What she didn’t realize was she had entered the wrong dorm room, eyes blurry from how delirious she felt from exhaustion, and face planted into– wait, a warm body?
Long story short, Minjeong had launched herself onto what she thought was her own bed, but instead her neighbor’s, Jimin. As embarrassing as it was, Jimin found her to be quite adorable and they quickly became friends after that. It was also a bonus that both were in the same year studying computer science and lived right next to each other, so the two had spent a lot of time together throughout their first few years at college.
—
It was the winter of their third year when Jimin’s world began to unravel. She had always been good at hiding her struggles, masking her pain with her bright and loud laughter. But the pressure of maintaining perfect grades, the loneliness that crept in during the long nights, and the gnawing sense of inadequacy began to weigh heavily on her. The cheerful Jimin everyone knew was slowly fading away, unbeknownst to everybody.
Except Minjeong. She noticed the change immediately. She saw the dark circles under Jimin’s eyes, the way her smile no longer made her eyes twinkle, and the increasing frequency of her excuses to not hang out. Minjeong tried to reach out, but Jimin brushed off her concerns with a laugh and a “Thanks for worrying, pup.” — One night, when Minjeong was studying at the library without Jimin, which seemed to be increasingly frequent, her phone buzzed with a notification.
“Don’t you think I’m too much sometimes?”
Minjeong’s heart froze. She knew something was up with Jimin, but getting a glimpse of Jimin’s true thoughts hurt her so much more. But by the time she opened up her messaging app, the message was gone.
“Jimin?” Minjeong texts back. “Do you want me to come over right now?”
She sees the three dots pop up– and disappear. There was no response.
Panic started to surge through her veins as she shoved her stuff into her bag and put on her coat– studying for her exam could wait. She raced out of the library and into the frigid air, running as fast as she could.
When Minjeong reached Jimin’s dorm, she quickly punched in the code, thankful they shared door codes as they became close friends. She pushed the door open and rushed inside, her breath coming in short, frantic gasps.
“Jimin? Jimin, where are you?”
She found Jimin sitting on the floor of her bedroom, her back turned towards the door. She was curled into a ball, as if she just wanted to disappear from reality. Minjeong’s heart shattered at the sight, not knowing what to do.
“Jimin?” No response. Minjeong slowly walks closer, hesitant to reach out and touch her, almost as if she was afraid that any small touch would make her somehow shrivel up into nothing.
“Can I hug you?” Jimin’s tense body seemed to slightly relax at the question, so Minjeong took that as an invitation to gently envelop Jimin in a soft and gentle embrace, slowly rubbing circles on her back.
To see Jimin in such a state was heartbreaking for Minjeong. Her dear and cherished friend, one whom she’s spent so much time together making happy memories and sad memories, looking so defeated. Minjeong slowly pulled away, still gently holding onto her shoulders.
“Sorry, I’m okay. You don’t need to worry, pup.” Jimin spoke for the first time, her voice hoarse and quiet.
“Hey, hey, it’s alright. You don’t have to apologize for anything.” Minjeong reassures her. “What happened?”
“Nothing. It’s okay, you should go back to your place and rest, it’s late now.”
It was indeed late at night, nearing 1 am, but to Minjeong, sleeping wasn’t nearly as important as Jimin was right now.
“I’m not going back right now. You clearly aren’t okay and I want to be here for you.” Minjeong says.
“I said I was okay.” Jimin pushes away from Minjeong and stands up, who flinches from the sudden coldness that wasn’t coming from the winter air.
“Jimin…” Minjeong carefully tries to reach towards her, but Jimin only seems to back away even more. It isn’t until Jimin is against the wall when she breaks down, her sobs echoing in the small room.
“Go away. I don’t need you.” Jimin manages between sobs.
“Why won’t you let me in? I’m here for you. Please, talk to me.” Minjeong frowns as she manages to hold both of Jimin’s hands.
“I can’t take it anymore, Minjeong. I feel so horrible. I’m just a burden to you and everybody else. Sometimes I think the world would be better off without me.” Jimin finally confesses.
Minjeong pulled Jimin into her arms, holding her tightly as if hoping she could shield her from all the pain. “You’re far from a burden, Jimin. You mean everything to me, and to so many others. You deserve the world, and I’m so sorry you feel this way. We’ll get through this together, okay? You’re not alone, I promise I’ll be right by your side.”
“You don’t have to-”
Minjeong cuts her off. “I want to. You see yourself in such a distorted mirror and think you don’t deserve anything good, but in reality you’re one of the kindest and incredible souls to walk on this planet. I know you, and I want you to know how wonderful of a person you are. Please, Jimin. Don’t push me away.”
“...Okay.”
—
Minjeong ended up sleeping over that night, despite living only one door down. She could not bear to leave Jimin alone after listening to her open up about her struggles, and it seemed that Jimin too wanted her to stay. She made sure that Jimin would tell her anytime she wasn’t feeling so great, no matter the time.
But despite promises, Jimin felt guilty for burdening Minjeong with her own problems. She was still convinced she didn’t deserve the unwavering support and love her friend gave her. She knew to placate Minjeong’s worries by reaching out from time to time, but she still kept some of her darkest thoughts to herself. A part of her felt guilty for hiding that from her friend who cared so deeply for her, but another part of her knew she couldn’t burden her friend with that information.
Precious Minjeong, oblivious to her feelings for her, that go beyond feelings for just a friend, does not need to know about said feelings, or her plans of leaving.
—
“Minjeong, I love you.”
A ding is heard in the quiet library as Minjeong sheepishly smiles at the glaring librarian, before turning off her notifications. It’s 2 in the morning, and Minjeong is at the library alone, one of the few days Jimin isn’t with her. She checks her phone and reads the message, feeling chills go down her spine. It was from Jimin, and it was uncharacteristically short and devoid of her usual warmth.
It felt like deja vu, as Minjeong ran back to Jimin’s dorm. Deep down, Minjeong knew exactly what that message meant, but she refused to believe it.
Opening Jimin’s door, the room was empty. Dread filled Minjeong as she spotted a sliver of light peeking out from underneath the bathroom door as she ran towards the door and slammed it open.
Inside was Jimin, staring at herself in the mirror, with an open and empty bottle of pills in her hand, and angry red lines across her arms.
Panicked, Minjeong screams. “Jimin, what did you do-”
Jimin meets her eye in the mirror and smiles. “What I should’ve done a long time ago.”
And then she’s down.
—
—
—
Minjeong anxiously bounces her knee up and down, sitting outside the hospital room. She’s been waiting for the last few hours hoping Jimin was going to be okay. She was thankful she caught Jimin earlier not too long after she had downed a bottle of what could’ve been a lethal dose of medication, and called emergency services to bring her to the hospital. The doctors had assured her that she found Jimin early, so there wouldn’t be any lasting damage to her and she would be okay.
That only helped a little to relieve the worry Minjeong felt. What if she had been just a little slower? What if she didn’t have her notifications on? What if-
“Hi, Minjeong, right?” A nurse walks out of Jimin’s room.
“Yes, that’s me.” Minejong stands up, wiping her sweaty palms against her pants.
“You can go see her now.” Minjeong promptly thanks the nurse and rushes in.
“Hi, pup.” Jimin weakly smiles.
There's a moment of silence as Minjeong takes in the sight of Jimin, alive and well.
“You fucking idiot why would you scare me like that? I’m going to kill you– actually wait no, you want that– I’m going to… make you… happy? In any case, you’re fucking stupid why would you just give up like that you’re so stupid… Minjeong you’re so stupid…” Minjeong cries, falling on her knees next to Jimin’s bed.
“I’m sorry, Minjeong. I’m sorry for scaring you, I really felt like life wasn’t worth living anymore and I’m not going to lie to you and say that has changed much, but I promise I’ll be willing to try harder to get better for you. I’m sorry, please don’t blame yourself. You’re everything I could ask for.” Jimin holds Minjeong’s hands, giving them a small squeeze.
“You’re everything I could ask for as well, so please can we work together and get you the help you need to feel better? I know you’ve told me you don’t want any professional help, but I really think-”
“Okay. I’ll do it.” Jimin responds, eyes determined.
Minjeong looked at her tenderly before pulling her in for an embrace. She knew the future wouldn’t be easy, but she was willing to do anything to ensure Jimin’s happiness.
—
In the spring of their final year, as they prepared to graduate, Minjeong reflected on how far they had come. There were a couple of inevitable setbacks, but Jimin’s progress was astounding, and both of them had learned to face their problems together.
One evening, as they sat on a hill overlooking the city, watching the sunset, Jimin turned to Minjeong and whispered, “Minjeong, there’s something I need to tell you.”
Minjeong’s heart skipped a beat. “What is it, Jimin?”
Jimin took a deep breath. “I’m so thankful we’ve been friends all these years, and I’m so thankful you’ve stuck by me even when I made things hard. But I want us to be more than friends. I like you, Minjeong. I like you a lot, and I can’t imagine a life without you.”
Minjeong was stunned. She had always harbored feelings for Jimin but didn’t want to voice them out, afraid it would ruin their friendship. Tears welled up in her eyes as she smiled. “I’ve wanted the same thing too, Jimin. I love you so much, and I’m so proud of how far you’ve come.”
“I love you too Minjeong, I really don’t know where I’d be without you. Thank you for loving me.”
And so, under the golden rays of the setting sun, Jimin and Minjeong, now girlfriends, spent the evening reminiscing on old memories, and promising to create more for the rest of their lives.
Everything would be all right.