Chapter Text
~🍃~
It was a warm summer day, and Sanemi could feel the sun burning his tan skin. The scarred man wiped the sweat off his forehead, panting as he traversed the dirt pathway. The heat didn’t help his current mood, making him even more agitated than he was when he set off on this unexpected journey.
Despite his reluctance, he was currently trudging to Giyus estate. It had been 2 months since Sanemi and the former Water Hashira had been released from the Butterfly Estate, and Sanemi had yet to have an actual meaningful conversation with the guy. They had eaten lunch together once, but at the time they had mostly sat in silence. He never wanted to talk to Giyu again after that, and was perfectly content on only seeing him whenever he was with the Kamado children.
However, here he was, making his way through the overgrown pathway towards the hidden Estate of the Water Hashira. He held a note from Kiriya Ubuyashiki, unaware of its contents. The boy hadn’t been able to get in contact with Giyu for quite some time, and had expressed his concerns to Sanemi.
Because of their mutual respect, Kiriya relied on Sanemi to deliver the message, and despite his grievances, Sanemi accepted. He walked towards the unfamiliar house, watching as it became visible over the bamboo. After a bit of trouble trying to find the pathway up to the door, he found himself in front of Giyus house. It was odd, he had never been to the Water Hashira estate, and never expected to be.
Hesitantly he knocked on the door, waiting for a response. It was eerily quiet, and it made Sanemis stomach churn. A hint of fear washed over him, his anxiety getting the better of him. He didn’t like the thoughts that appeared in his mind, especially considering the losses he had already endured just months ago. As he waited, he felt his worry skyrocket.
~🌊~
While Sanemi was overthinking, Giyu was lying on the floor in his futon, staring up at the ceiling. He was half-asleep, counting the amount of old webs he spotted in his room. There were multiple empty alcohol bottles laying on the floor, and a half-empty soba noodle bowl that was now cold and filled with dust.
The loud noise broke through his daze, and his eyes opened wider. He was startled by the knocking sound, but he couldn’t bring himself to get up and walk to the door. He sighed, rolling over in his futon, closing his eyes to sleep. Part of him thought the sound was just his imagination; it wasn’t uncommon for him to hear things that didn’t exist.
Suddenly, a voice pierced through Giyus sleep once again.
“Tomioka! You there? Everyone’s worried because you’ve been ignoring them for awhile.” A familiar voice yelled out, knocking harder on Giyus door.
Giyu’s eyes shot wide open again, involuntarily sitting up and reaching for his sword that was laid on the floor by his side. He glanced over at the door, and for a moment, he just sat there in silence. His heart was pounding. Why am I so stressed? Giyu thought to himself. Deep down he knew. He knew he was avoiding everyone. He knew he was trying to escape the nightmares he got everytime he thought of the Corps.
After a quick look around at the state of his home, he slowly rose to his feet, staggering and nearly toppling over.
He groggily stumbled forward, heading towards the door and sliding it open with forced anger. His eyes met with Sanemis, and he couldn’t stop his eyes from softening at the white haired man, his expression still tired and lifeless.
“Guh..” Sanemi choked out involuntarily, his eyes widening as he looked at Giyu. Giyu instantly felt uncomfortable, unable to hold eye contact with the man.
“So you’re alive huh?” Sanemi murmured, eyeing Giyu wearily and handing him a note.
Giyu glanced up at him, before shakily taking the note, scanning through it briefly before sighing to himself. Wow, i’m really selfish aren’t I? Giyu thought to himself. Kiriya was inviting him to tea with both Sanemi and Uzui. He had been ignoring all the letters sent by everyone, and suddenly the guilt was crashing down.
“Why haven’t you been answering any of the letters you’ve been sent? Tch, Kiriya made me walk all the way over here just to check on you because you’re stressing everyone out.” Sanemi grumbled, glaring back at Giyu. However despite the expression painted on his face, Giyu could tell his voice was more uncomfortable than mad.
The older of the two gently leaned against the doorframe, taking a moment to steady himself. Giyu looked up at Sanemi, his purple eyes angry and weary. He quickly averted his eyes back to the ground as they met with Sanemis disappointed purple ones.
“I didn’t think they’d be worried about me.” Giyus small voice admitted, pocketing the note from Kiriya. It was a lie and Giyu knew it. It was a stupid lie, because Giyu immediately noticed Sanemi looking him up and down. Another wave of self-consciousness hit him and he tried to push down his messy, disheveled hair
The retired Wind Hashira watched the scene in front of him with judgemental eyes. He sighed, “Of course they would be. After everyone else died, we’d prefer to stay in contact with the surviving slayers,” looking at Giyu.
Giyu averted his gaze, his expression becoming increasingly uncomfortable. Giyu could feel himself starting to tremble slightly and his mind felt fuzzy and dizzy. He knew he was exhausted from sleep deprivation, but this conversation with Sanemi was making it hard to focus.
Giyu slowly got the courage to look up at Sanemi once again, but he immediately noticed his scrutinizing glare. The two were sat in an awkward silence, neither one sure of what to say. Shockingly, Giyu took the initiative.
“You don’t need to look at me like that,” he murmured hoarsely, his voice quiet and nervous.
Sanemi scoffed, eyeing Giyu up and down once again.
“How could I not. You look like a mess.” He commented. Giyus felt his face flush. He was always a mess, but never to this extent. Why did he let this happen again? Giyu couldn’t even remember. He felt embarrassed, and looked away
“Let me in.” Sanemi eventually said, groaning at Giyus incompetence.
Giyu wanted to protest and insist that he was fine, but he knew deep down he wasn’t. This had been going on for awhile; losing weight, isolating himself, and drinking way too much sake. It became a terrible habit. He wanted to be alone, but the old foolish wish to become Sanemis friend still lingered in his mind.
He nodded weakly, moving to the side and opening the door wider, allowing Sanemi inside. He watched as the white haired man stepped into his house, his movements cautious and judgemental
Sanemi looked around Giyus house as he closed the door behind himself. When the light coming from outside was hidden, he couldn’t help but scoff.
“Open the damn windows, I can’t see anything in here.” He hissed, yanking open the windows in the living room. Giyu stood by the door, awkwardly watching as Sanemi stormed around his house, letting light invade his once dark and isolated home. Once the windows were open, Giyu was forcefully enlightened with the harsh reality of his life. He lived in a dusty, dirty home with discarded alcohol bottles everywhere and spoiled food on the counter.
Giyu felt disgusted with himself, and he couldn’t imagine how Sanemi was feeling about this. He forced a glance in Sanemis direction, and noticed the shock on his face.
Oh God. Giyu stressed in his head, leaning against the wall and trying to calm himself down. He felt as if he knew what was going on in Sanemis mind. Probably disgust, betrayal, and lots of judgment. He couldn’t blame him, the person who he had fought side by side against Muzan lived like this?
Suddenly, Sanemis harsh voice snapped Giyu out of his spiral.
“Tch, this is pathetic. You were a Hashira for crying out loud, this is unacceptable.” Sanemi said, a hint of concern leaking through the anger in his voice, but not well enough for Giyu to really pick up on it.
Giyu couldn’t deny his house looked awful. How long had it been like this? Giyu felt his stomach twist and turn as he looked around the messy rooms. It was obvious Sanemi was judging him intensely and he didn’t blame him
He bit his bottom lip, avoiding looking directly at Sanemi as he spoke weakly. “It’s really not that bad…”
As soon as the words came out of Giyus mouth, he instantly regretted them. Sanemi jerked his head around to glare at Giyu, his eyes burning with anger, making Giyu feel like he was going to melt.
“Seriously? This is ‘not that bad’ to you? How did you even survive the final battle.” Sanemi scoffed, walking over to all the dirty dishes and wiping a finger over the layers of dust. “Do you not clean?”
Sanemi glanced at Giyus matted hair and sickly skin tone, and then to his missing arm. Giyu winced slightly as Sanemi pointed out the mess of his house. He had become somewhat accustomed to it, and he was ashamed that it looked so awful in front of someone else.
Giyu felt exposed, and an urge to run to the windows and close them overpowered him. He looked down at the ground, avoiding eye contact like he always did.
“I don’t really bother to. It doesn’t really matter much to me…. I barely have the energy to eat, let alone clean…and i’m busy” Giyu sniffled out, trying to say the right things to make the situation better. However, he was quickly reminded with why he avoided talking to Sanemi.
The white haired man let out a laugh at that response. “Busy? Doing what? You’ve been gone for a month and a half and haven’t responded to a single letter! You also look like you haven’t seen sunlight in forever. Clearly you’re not that busy.”
Sanemi scoffed as he started to clean up Giyus dishes, attempting to rid of the smell of old food. Giyu just watched with wide eyes as the heartless Wind Hashira cleaned for him. He didn’t know how to respond, mostly because it was true. Giyu sighed to himself, feeling super self conscious.
“Maybe you would have energy if you actually went outside and did stuff.” Sanemi grumbled, dumping an old bowl of noodles in the trash.
Giyu remained silent as Sanemi made a comment on his lack of activity. He knew he was right, and Giyu could only reply with another sigh.
“I suppose you’re right but…it’s a lot of work…”
Giyu swallowed hard, watching as Sanemi began to clean up some of the mess around his house. Although Sanemi was being quite rude while cleaning, Giyu begrudgingly felt glad for the help. He could admit he was exhausted and not in the right state of mind to be doing housework, so he appreciated it.
“What’s a lot of work?” Sanemi asked, not looking at Giyu as he cleaned his dishes for him grumpily.
Giyu leaned back, resting against the wall behind him as he watched Sanemi clean. He hated being so vulnerable and messy in front of someone else. Usually he would never allow this to happen. He let out a long, tired sigh, his eyes half-lidded as he replied.
“Going outside…interacting with people…it’s exhausting.”
Sanemi once again scofffed.
“I shouldn’t be surprised. You never spoke to any of us back when we were Hashira.”
Giyu didn’t like Sanemi bringing up the past, especially their rocky relationship. He was too tired to argue with the white haired man or even attempt to explain himself, and he just wanted to go back to sleep.
However, he noticed Sanemi suddenly fall silent, opening his eyes and glancing up at him. Giyu noticed he was standing there, staring at something and his body was frozen. He tilted his head to the side curiously.
“What are you staring at?” Giyu asked uncertainly, feeling his stomach churn with nerves. It was as if a switch was flipped in Sanemis brain. A feeling of dread settled in his gut and he felt sick.
“You’re…drinking?” Sanemi said quietly, picking up an empty bottle from the floor of the kitchen, making it visible from where Giyu was standing.
Giyus eyes widened at Sanemis question, realizing what he was referring to. He was looking at one of the many empty sake bottles that littered his kitchen floor. Giyu averted his gaze, his face flushing slightly.
“It’s nothing…I just drink occasionally….” He said quietly, his arm remaining crossed against his chest. He knew it was a lie, but he couldn’t bring himself to admit the truth to his former coworker.
Giyu felt his heart drop as he saw all the concern and friendliness vanish from Sanemis eyes. He stopped washing the dishes, and set the bottle down. He was silent for awhile, and seemed to be deep in his own mind. Giyu stood there awkwardly and stressed out.
He shifted his weight from foot to foot uncomfortably. Sanemis sudden shift in expression and behavior made him extremely nervous. He had no idea of what the man was thinking of. He gulped silently, his arms still crossed against his chest. Oh crap, I ruined it didn’t I?Giyu thought to himself, feeling his heart start to pound in his chest. Are my chances of being Shinazugawas friend done for?
He tried to wait patiently and quietly as the white haired man was deep in thought, but he couldn’t take the silence.
“….what are you thinking?” Giyu choked out, staring at the other man.
Sanemi turned to look at Giyu, eyes scanning Giyus appearance. He observed his wrinkled, gross yukata he was wearing to each little blemish on his face that he hasn’t been taking care of. Giyu felt like he was being analyzed by the former Wind Hashira, his eyes gazing up and down at his body judgingly. It made him feel extremely self conscious about how he looked, and how he knew he looked terrible at the moment.
“I hate alcoholics, y’know?” Sanemi hissed, his voice aggressive, and his fists balled up and white.
He swallowed hard, his body stiffening at Sanemis harsh tone. Giyu was taken aback at the mans statement, and his heart began to beat faster. He knew Sanemi hated alcoholics, but he didn’t expect him to call him out like this.
Giyu didn’t say anything for a bit, only staring up at Sanemi nervously.
“I..i’m not an alcoholic..” He tried to say confidently, although his words came out more as a whine. He immediately regretted his words. How many times was he going to speak and regret it in his life?
“Oh bullshit! I should’ve recognized it the second you opened the damn door.” Sanemi hissed, storming past Giyu and knocking him to the side. Giyu stumbled, starting to panic slightly.
“Just answer the damn letter to Kiriya.” The white haired man hissed, walking out the door and then slamming it shut.
“W-wait..!” Giyu exclaimed, his hand outreached just as the door slammed shut in his face.
And just like that, Giyu was left there alone in his house, the only sound being the birds chirping outside his windows. Tears formed in Giyus eyes, and he felt his heart clench in his chest.
Giyu just stood there, suddenly feeling awful about himself. He looked around his house, before closing all the windows again and trudging back to his bedroom, laying down and trying to sleep.
Giyu laid in his bed, the wrinkled and old covers over his body. He wanted to just sleep away and forget about the whole encounter with Sanemi. But it was difficult to sleep when the words Sanemi yelled at him echoed in his head.
He tossed and turned in his bed, his thoughts filled with Sanemi. He thought of the look of disgust and anger on the boys face. He didn’t blame him for being mad but he couldn’t help but feel hurt.
~🍃~
Sanemi felt his blood boiling as he stormed away from Giyus estate. He couldn’t help but feel betrayed. Why though? Why was he so angry at what Giyu was doing? It was his own life, why did Sanemi give a shit?
Sanemi tried to shake the thoughts from his head as he stormed down the pathway, hands balled into fists and face red with anger. The memories came back too fast in that moment, he couldn’t help how fast he lashed out at Giyu. Giyu wasn’t the one who beat his family, and Giyu wasn’t the one that was a horrible drunk that ruined his life! He almost felt regret for what he did, but that was easily overshadowed by his hatred for alcohol.
Alcohol destroyed his family, and alcohol made them suffer. Fuck Tomioka if he does that crap. I want nothing to do with this loser. He thought to himself, fueling his own fire.
Lingering in the back of his mind was the image of Giyu, standing by the door, shivering to himself and unable to look Sanemi in the eyes. He was scared, and thought nobody cared for him, in fact he reminded him a lot of Genya, and even himself. But why should he care.