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When Deadlock finally returned from her mission, she found that Clove had (once again) fallen asleep on the couch, cuddled up with a snoozing Wingman. In front of the couch were numerous spilt food and drink items, likely leftovers from a TV binge.
As much as Deadlock enjoyed Clove’s company, they were a very messy roommate and would often leave their shared living quarters in a state of disarray, which bothered her to no end. Of course, Clove would always pick up after themselves and apologise profusely for making her uncomfortable, but it was still frustrating to deal with nonetheless.
Deadlock flipped on every light in the room, crossing her arms and leaning against the kitchen counter. With a sleepy groan (that Deadlock absolutely did not find super adorable), Clove threw an arm over their eyes, trying to block out the light. They rolled over onto their back, knocking their napping companion onto the floor.
Annoyed at having been so rudely roused from his slumber, Wingman huffed at no one in particular and waddled over to the door, letting himself out after adorably jumping a few times to reach the handle.
Finally, Clove sat up, stretching as they let out an adorable yawn. „I know, clean up…” They mumbled, still half asleep. As Clove adjusted their position, rubbing the sleep from their eyes, the blanket fell onto a soft drink cup, knocking it over and causing it to spill its contents all over the floor.
„Oh, shit!” Clove exclaimed, their eyes going wide, „I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry!” They shot up from the couch, rushing over to the kitchen to grab a roll of paper towels and then bounding back to the couch. As they bent over to begin cleaning the mess, their oversized graphic t-shirt rode up, exposing the fact that they weren’t wearing any underwear.
Deadlock suppressed a gasp of surprise, her face going beet red as she averted her gaze. „Clove! You’re fucking naked!”
Clove jumped and blushed, blushing hard enough that the tips of their ears had gone red. They covered their face with one hand, hiding it and leaning to the side as they leaned over to continue cleaning up the spilt drink.
„It’s not what it looks like, I swear!” Clove exclaimed, though in retrospect, that probably wasn’t the most reassuring line they could’ve gone with.
„I don’t care what it looks like! Warn me next time, pokker ta!” Deadlock was beginning to lose her temper at her roommate, and it reflected in her voice, „I don’t need to see your—„ Deadlock gestured at Clove’s once-again-covered nether regions, „That!”
„I was sleeping, okay? I didn’t think you’d be home that soon and besides…” Clove’s brows furrowed and they looked down at their underwear-free state. „It’s not even like you haven’t ever seen any of that before.” They said with a tone that was at once accusatory, hurt, and embarrassed. Hot tears pricked at the corners of the Scottish Radiant’s eyes as they rushed to finish cleaning the mess. „I’m sorry, Ise,”
„Are you mad at me?” They added softly, trying to get a read on Deadlock’s emotions. The latter’s face grew softer and she sighed as she watched her roommate clean up the mess.
„I’m a little upset, but not with you,” Deadlock was quick to assure, stepping forward and lifting Clove’s chin with her hand. „It’s been a hard day. We got ambushed, and I had to watch Skye take a shotgun blast to the head from a metre away, and then I had to comfort Jett while Sage was healing her.” Their faces were only inches apart. Deadlock’s other hand reached out to mess with Clove’s hair a little. „I— It just— It gets under my skin sometimes, when you leave such a mess around, and then you don’t warn me that you’re naked— wait, why the hell are you even naked to begin with?”
Clove had gotten lost in Deadlock’s eyes and the hand that was playing with her hair, only now coming back into reality once the latter questioned their nudity. The Scottish Radiant flinched, leaning away and averting her eyes, their cheeks burning red once again.
„I-I just don’t wear underwear when I sleep, I swear. I think it’s too restrictive.” They said in an almost panicked tone, like a child who’d been caught doing something bad.
„Besides,” They added, finally meeting Deadlock’s eyes once more, „I know you’ve seen most of my body before. You’ve slept in the same bed as me, and you even bathed me when I had Resurrection sickness. So, why would you care now?” Clove asked earnestly, leaning back in, this time of their own volition, their bodies close once more.
It did make Deadlock think, though. She had, indeed, seen all of her roommate’s body before. There wasn’t much that they hadn’t done, seen, or shared together. However, Clove was acting almost like one would a partner, like they had been caught in an intimate moment rather than simply existing in a state of undress.
Deadlock opened her mouth as if to reply, but no words came out. She blinked once, twice, three times before finally speaking, „You know that that’s not the same. That’s different.”
Clove flinched, the tone of Deadlock’s voice sending a surge of guilt through them. „It’s not?…” They asked quietly, a hint of panic in their voice, their blue eyes wide. They knew this wasn’t how a mere roomie might act, but the line had gotten so blurred over the years it was hard to distinguish between platonic and romantic anymore.
Deadlock stared at Clove, taking in their wide eyes and soft expression, and she suddenly felt the urge to kiss them but refrained. Her cheeks grew warm the more they contemplated on it.
„No,” Deadlock said, her voice gentle but firm. She stepped forward, taking both of her roommate’s hands in her own. Her eyes met Clove’s and stayed there. „It’s not.”
„…Why?” Clove stared at her for a solid moment before suddenly wrapping their arms around Deadlock’s waist. They leaned their head on her chest, listening to the soothing sound of Deadlock’s heartbeat. The Scottish Radiant was silent, their heart beating a mile a minute as they waited for a response, any kind of response.
„Because when I see you in such a vulnerable state, all I’m focused on is caring for you and protecting you; there’s no room for… other thoughts.” Deadlock gently placed her hands on either side of Clove’s hips, pulling them slightly forward so that their body pressed up against hers. She continued, her voice growing softer, though tinged with a touch of affection. Deadlock was careful not to let her hands wander. „It’s the motherly part of me kicking in, but when you’re well like you are now, that part doesn’t take over because I don’t have to assume the role of caretaker.”
Clove made a soft noise in the back of their throat, still clinging onto Deadlock, their eyes beginning to moisten. „But, you’re not my mother.” They said in a shaky, broken voice. „You’ve never acted like that towards me. Instead, you’ve always been there, supporting me, comforting me, even though I’m not the easiest person to be around. You’ve treated me more than just a roomie.”
„You’re right, I’m not your mother.” Deadlock pressed a kiss to Clove’s head, „But I care for you a great deal… And I don’t want to complicate things by letting my hormones take over.” Then, in a near-whisper, „I— I don’t want to lose you…”
Clove sniffled, their cheek pressed against Deadlock’s chest. „You won’t lose me,” they said in a small voice. „I’ll always be here. Always.” Deadlock had been like an anchor for them, someone who stayed and didn’t leave even when things got rough. Their voice broke again, and they raised their head to meet Deadlock’s eyes fully, „Besides, why is it so wrong to let your hormones take over? I always let my urges rule me. After all, there’s nothing wrong with following your desires.”
„Is that the real reason why you weren’t wearing underwear? Did you need some you time?”
„You—! I— What—?” Clove sputtered as their face went bright red, eyes widening with shock. Their arms tightened around Deadlock’s waist, clinging onto her desperately, and they buried their face in the latter’s chest to avoid looking her in the eye, ashamed and embarrassed.
„Hey, it’s okay if it was. Pleasuring one’s self is a perfectly natural and healthy thing to do. Nearly everyone does it from time to time— some more than others— but it’s beneficial. Hell— you and I are lucky enough to have entire organs whose only known purpose is to provide pleasure.”
After a few tense moments of internal panic, Clove began to relax, their muscles loosening and their grip on Deadlock softening. The Scottish Radiant’s cheeks were still a shade of bright red as they lifted their head away and met the other Radiant’s eyes.
They were surprised when, rather than chastising them for being inappropriate, she was more than happy to discuss it candidly.
„…You really don’t mind…?” they asked softly, hesitant to take the conversation any further.
„I don’t mind one bit,” Deadlock’s voice was now barely a whisper, „Just warn me first, okay? I don’t want to walk in on something I can’t unsee— Oh, and if you’re going to use… er…” The Sentinel’s face went bright crimson, „adult… materials… Use headphones, please. The only time I want to hear… that kind of thing… is if I’m the cause of it.”
„Of course.” Clove nodded, grinning as they leaned back in and lightly pressed their lips against Deadlock’s cheek. The Scottish Radiant’s cheeks were now once more a shade of deep pink, but they were not nearly as embarrassed as earlier. „I promise,” they said in an earnest, quiet voice, their hands going back to their hips. „I’ll only do whatever it is when I know you’re not around.”
After a few more moments, they frowned slightly, concern suddenly spreading across their expressions. „Why are you so comfortable talking about this, anyway?”
„I grew up in a sex-positive family…” Deadlock rubbed the back of her neck nervously, „It was kind of… awkward at times, but I think it did me a lot of good.”
Clove took a moment to process that. Most people in their life would’ve been repulsed by the topic— disgusted and insulted that they had the audacity to even bring it up. Yet, here they were talking about it casually, like it was just another day.
„If it’s not too much to ask,” They began, a hint of curiosity laced in their tone, „Could you… tell me more about your family?”
Deadlock sighed, a smile ghosting her lips. „My family was amazing, if not a little unusual,” She began, „My parents both worked in sex-related areas. My Mamma was a sexual education teacher and my Pappa worked in the sex crimes division of the Politiet, so they made sex talk a regular thing for my sister, Willow, and I when we were growing up.” She paused, running her fingers through Clove’s hair.
„We knew the names of all the different sexualities and genders, all the different styles of sex, and everything in between. We knew the basics of consent by the time we were around eight. That’s why you’ll get no judgment from me when it comes to this kind of things,” Deadlock pressed a soft kiss to Clove’s forehead and whispered, „Never.”
For a moment Clove said nothing, and with Deadlock’s explanation, so much more about them made sense. No wonder she was so open-minded, so accepting of everything. Clove smiled slightly, leaning up and leaning her head on Deadlock’s chest again, listening to the beating of her heart.
„You had a good family,” They finally said, their voice shaky with emotion. „You were so blessed to grow up the way you did. If there was a chance, I wish I could’ve grow up the way you did.”
Deadlock’s smile widened as she felt her roommate’s small, frail body pressed against her chest. „I was lucky, yes,” She murmured, her fingers lightly playing around the strands of Clove’s hair, „But I also wasn’t lucky in some ways. I didn’t get to have a childhood like most kids. Willow didn’t either.”
„Our childhood was filled with violence and insecurity. I was taken from my father’s funeral, just three days after he passed away, and my sister and I were split up and tossed from home to home, from foster care to foster care. I haven’t seen her since that day. The last words I ever got to say to her were, ‚Don’t worry, I’ll see you soon’.”
That made Clove freeze, their small frame suddenly going limp. They’d heard about how Deadlock had witnessed her entire team die in front of her, and they also suspected that her childhood was complicated, too, given how little she talked about it, but they’d never realised just how difficult it actually was.
Taking a deep breath, a surge of emotion washing over them, the Scottish Radiant tightened their grip on her slightly. „I’m sorry you had to go through all that, Ise,” They whispered, pressing their face into Deadlock’s chest, trying to hide how emotionally affected they really were.
Deadlock’s grip around Clove tightened as well; she could see how emotional they were, could feel it through the way their body trembled against her, and she hated it. It made her sick, made her feel like a complete monster for making her roommate feel this way.
„Don’t be sorry,” the Sentinel said quickly. „It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. It was just bad luck, nothing more.” She placed her hand underneath Clove’s chin and lifted their chin so she could look at them squarely, „I’m okay now, anyway.”
„You’re not okay,” Clove whispered. „Don’t try to tell me you’re okay because you’re not. I know you aren’t.”
They took a steady breath, meeting Deadlock’s gaze resolutely. „No one goes through what you did and comes out of it fine. You should be traumatised, damaged, anything but okay. You’re lying to me and you’re lying to yourself. Just tell me how badly it affected you, and I promise I’ll never judge you for it.”
„You’re right. I’m not okay.” Deadlock said, finally admitting the truth. „I’m a mess. I’m broken and scarred and damaged in innumerable ways, but that’s something I’ve come to accept, because there’s nothing I can do to change it.”
The Sentinel’s voice grew a little tighter as she continued, „And if telling myself I’m okay helps dull the pain of the memories and guilt I constantly bear… then please, let me, so I don’t have to see how much my suffering is bothering you.”
Clove was silent for a few heartbeats before finally speaking. „You can’t keep repressing it all, then,” They finally said, their voice soft. „It’ll only make things worse.”
They paused, staring at Deadlock’s chest as their eyes drifted onto the faint scar that ran across her neck. „You say you’re okay, but your body disagrees. It shows all the trauma and the pain and the anguish that you’ve endured, and when you hide it all behind a mask of ‚I’m okay’, you’re denying yourself the chance to heal.”
Deadlock was silent for a moment before she sighed. „You’re right.” She pressed her lips together, taking deep, shaky breaths. She was so used to pretending that the past didn’t bother her, and suddenly Clove was ripping open all the wounds that she’d spent so many years trying to ignore.
Deadlock closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead slightly. „Just… let me keep pushing it away for now, okay? I’m not ready to face it right now. I’ll deal with it eventually, just not right now.”
Clove nodded immediately, leaning against the Sentinel’s chest again. They didn’t care if it didn’t make sense or if it was unhealthy; their roommate just needed them right now. That was the only thing that mattered in this moment.
„Okay,” They whispered. „Whatever you want. I won’t push or pry, I promise. It’s hard not to, but I won’t. And when you’re ready to face it, I’ll be by your side every step of the way.”
Deadlock felt like she was going to burst. She’d spent so much time pushing her feelings away, trying to pretend like they didn’t exist, and hearing Clove offer to stand by her was too much for her to take in at the moment. This was what she had needed all this time, more than anything. Someone who would be there for her, no matter what.
„…Takk.” She whispered, reaching up to pull her roommate into a tight embrace. „This past year that I’ve spent with you… has been the best year of my life.”
Clove immediately wrapped their arms around her, holding her tightly and burying their face into her chest, their heart speeding up so fast they could barely breathe. „It’s been the best year of my life too,” they whispered back, taking in deep, shaky breaths.
They raised their head back up, their eyes closed. „I mean… you’ve been more of a family to me than my own family has been,” they said quietly, their lips curling upwards in a tear-filled smile, „I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Deadlock smiled too, feeling a surge of emotion fill her chest. She tightened her grip around her roommate, one hand moving to the top of their head, her fingers idly playing with their hair.
„…You know what?” She whispered, her voice sounding a bit shaky, „Let’s make a promise. No matter what, no matter how awful things might get, or what might happen in the future, I promise that we’ll always be in each others’ lives. No matter what happens, I’ll never leave your side.”
Clove’s heart skipped a beat, their eyes opening and staring straight into Deadlock’s. They couldn’t believe what they were hearing, couldn’t believe how much it meant to them. And they knew that they’d never feel this secure or safe again if they refused this offer.
„I promise,” Clove whispered, squeezing her roommate tightly, „No matter what happens or is thrown at us, I’ll never leave your side. I’ll never leave you. You’re my family. You’re always going to be my family, and no one will change that.”
Deadlock squeezed Clove even tighter, and she closed her eyes, revelling in the intimacy of the moment. She’d never had any real, true family in her life, until now. And Clove had given her that.
„I love you,” She whispered softly. Her voice was still shaky, still filled with emotion, and the Sentinel had never felt so fragile and vulnerable as she did right now, but there was nothing she wanted more than her roommate right now. „I love you so much.”
Clove’s breath caught in their throat as they heard those three words come out of the Sentinel’s mouth for the first time since the two of them had met. They had thought and dreamed of these words being said out loud so many times, but now they were finally real.
And they were the loveliest three words they’d ever had the pleasure of hearing.
„I love you too,” They whispered, clinging onto her like a lifeline. „I love you more than anything and anyone in this world.”
As they exchanged words of love, their bodies became tangled up in each other’s as their embrace became a bit more intimate. Deadlock pulled her small roommate as close as she could, leaning her head down so her face was pressed into Clove’s neck.
And as she did, she finally realised how she really felt.
„Will you let me love you?” She whispered slowly, her voice barely even audible. „And I mean truly, utterly, unconditionally love you. To be your support system, your protector, your best friend, and your lover.”
Clove’s heart pounded like it wanted to escape their chest. No one had ever said words like that to them. No one had ever offered to love them so intimately, so wholly, so entirely. And those words were like a balm to their heart, soothing every scar they carried with them.
„Yes,” They whispered, not hesitating for a second. „Yes, oh, God, yes.”
And those three words were all Deadlock needed. The Sentinel felt a surge of joy and relief wash over them, and they immediately pulled Clove up, so they were face to face.
„I need you to look me in the eye and say it again,” Deadlock said softly. „I need to know that you really mean it. That I’m not losing my mind over something that’s not real.”
Clove nodded immediately, blinking hard. Before they took a deep breath and spoke just as calmly as before. „Yes. I mean it. Please love me.”
Deadlock’s heart practically burst in her chest. With that last sentence, Clove was finally hers; the Sentinel was certain of this now. They were both finally sure that they belonged to each other, that they were one now.
And so she pulled them down, leaning in and pressing her lips softly onto Clove’s mouth, kissing them. It didn’t matter that it was just a soft press; to Deadlock, it was the most intimate moment she’d ever shared with her roommate.
And a moment later, Clove responded, taking the initiative, leaning into the kiss, deepening it. Their lips pressed against Deadlock’s firmly, their hands wrapped around the Sentinel’s neck and the small Radiant lifted herself onto her tiptoes, her body pressed close against the Sentinel’s.
The moment went on for what seemed like an eternity, and the moment finally ended, Clove leaned forward, their eyes fluttering open, lips red from the kiss. „I love you. I love you so much,” they breathed.
Deadlock was breathless, her cheeks flushed and her legs slightly shaky. She’d just shared one of the deepest, most intimate kisses of her life, and it had been with the person who had quickly grown to become her closest companion.
Her roommate. Her best friend. Her love.
She cupped Clove’s face in her hands and smiled. „I love you too.”
Deadlock leaned forward again, this time with her arms cradling her roommate’s head as her lips pressed against theirs again, only this time it was stronger, deeper, more passionate than before. She wanted to show Clove how much the Radiant meant to her, how much she would give to protect them from anything and anyone who would ever hurt them.
And she wanted Clove to feel loved. Utterly loved.
Clove met her with just as much passion and intensity. They wrapped one arm around the Sentinel’s neck and pulled her close, moulding their body to fit hers. They pressed their lips even tighter against the Sentinel’s, losing themself in the moment. They didn’t care that it was a bit rough and messy. It didn’t matter, because this was theirs, and no one would ever take this away from them.
Ever.