Chapter Text
Another late night party on the Strawhat ship allows the crew to let loose. Some more than others.
Sanji wobbles around drunk, making an ass of himself, and Zoro watches him the whole night as he sips his own beer. The blonde getting drunker and drunker until he was practically falling over the girls and they had to push him off.
In fact, there came a point where Nami had pushed him hard enough for the cook to lose his footing and stumble backwards over the other benches. Hitting the deck with a slap flat on his back.
Nami sighs, "Zoro, take this idiot to his bed."
Zoro groans, tossing his head back.
"Hurry up before someone trips over him!"
She snaps, and the swordsman is about to argue that he's not the witch's personal servant. But he'll do anything at this point if it meant he didn't have to see this jackass throw himself at every woman available.
The swordsman downs the rest of the sake in his glass before putting it on the deck where he was lounging and hauls himself to his feet. He walks over to Sanji who was too sloshed to get up himself despite his better attempts, squats and picks him up like he weighed nothing. Zoro easily throws him over his shoulder and the noise of the crew gets quieter as he goes down the steps below deck.
Only two wrong turns and almost hitting the cook's head against a doorframe later does he get to his room, kicks the door open and lazily strolls inside to toss the blonde on the mattress with a loud thump.
He claps his hands a few times as if dusting off something dirty and goes to leave.
Sanji groans miserably, rolled over onto his back and complained in slurred speech.
"Ugh, I'm so fucking horny I could die."
Zoro stops, he was about to go back to the party, barely even buzzed from his barrels of alcohol. But hearing the complaint he holds the door a moment longer instead.
"...Do you want to do our usual?"
Sanji sniffles, seemingly thinking on it before burping out. "Yeah."
Zoro takes a step back and closes the door tightly.
"What's the safe word?"
There's a pause, waiting to see if Sanji still has any sense about him to consent or if he's too drunk to remember. Eventually he murmurs.
"Kobudai."
It was a strange safe word, but Sanji had picked it a long time ago. Said it was the name of a fish. Zoro turns around and approaches, and he's soon leaned over to box the blonde in with his arms.
They start fighting for dominance. First thing Zoro knows he has to do is pin Sanji's legs if he didn't want to end up with something broken. He swears, the cook was such an inconsiderate bastard. Zoro pulled his strength so they could have a somewhat enjoyable play fight and to spare everyone the whining that would ensue if he bruised the pale blonde somewhere visible. But Sanji didn't give a single damn if he left marks on Zoro or even broke a rib with one of his donkey kicks.
A stubborn, selfish fuckhead of a cook. But the perks of this was that Sanji got to fight as hard as he wanted and he still got to hear him groan and come underneath him by the end, with a few caveats.
The blonde still gives the swordsman a decent struggle despite being so inebriated. He sharply tilts his hips and almost throws his crewmate off the bed, but too bad for him Zoro wasn't close to drunk and still had his balance. He grips firmly onto the mattress with his legs locked under his arms until Sanji stops, having tired himself out. Then Zoro rips his pants off him and earns an indignant hiss from the cook.
"Oh look at that, somebody is missing their manhood and replaced it with a sweet little cunt instead. Looks like it's begging for attention too." Zoro drones in a fake acting voice. All the boys knew this since they shared a bath. But Sanji had requested this kind of talk specifically. He told Zoro to humiliate him despite the fact that the marimo could care less about what he had downstairs.
Sanji jerked away, but the swordsman didn't release his grip as he pulled him closer.
"Don't fucking touch me, filthy, disgusting animal. All men should be wiped off the face of the fucking planet. Leaving only gorgeous, beautiful women to exist."
Zoro flexes his arm, restraining another violent kick, but he doesn't break free.
"Uh huh. What about you, sir?" Zoro smirks slightly, dark and amused as he flicks his little clit and watches him flinch. He loved reminding Sanji that he was one of them, despite his flowery soft cunt. The blonde had a mind dirtier than any other man Zoro had ever met.
Yet Sanji just grins back at him, as sharp tongued as ever. "I'm the only good kind of man there is. A gentleman. And not tainted with that pathetic thing you call a cock."
"All you ever do is think with your cock." Zoro argues, a forefinger quickly picking up pace to finger his clit in rapid strokes and using the other hand shoved two fingers in his already sopping wet hole.
The blonde's back arches in protest but he spits out a harsh grunt as his thigh muscles twitch and he raises his hips at the simulation.
Fuck, it felt so good.
"Tell me, Mr. Prince…" The swordsman continues while Sanji is busy gasping for breath and grinding against his fingers. "In this imaginary world you made where all predatory men are gone, what makes you so special? I watched you drool and annoy and fond over the ladies all night because you're so down bad for them. You're the worst of us."
Sanji had his head thrown back and clenched his teeth. He wanted to bite back, rip Zoro down to the studs for being born better and stronger than him. But a burst of warmth radiates up from his genitals through his chest and to his brain, making Sanji huff out a heavy, quivering groan instead.
The swordsman watches him fall apart underneath him, he was so pretty blushing like that even if he tried to hide his pleasure through an angry expression. And it was almost laughable how earnest Sanji's body was, his perverted desires leaked through with every twist and shutter and desperate pant as he tried to angle his rough fingers into a better position.
"Tsk, you're so greedy for it." Zoro smirks as he takes his hand away from his entrance so that he can pull his own pants down enough to hang off his ass and grip his half hard penis, easily stroking it to full length.
Sanji raised his head just enough to stare down to the other side of the bed and straight at Zoro's cock. As he knew he would. He could feel those cool ocean blue eyes stamped right into the thick vein on his erection. He watches Sanji swallow amid his heavy breaths, his mouth watering at the sight. He was hungry for it, a man whose mind obsessed over dick and all the ways it could defile a person. Then he bit his lip so hard he was putting dents in it.
Zoro didn't make him wait, or even beg, the way Sanji raised his hips for him and cunt gaped was enough. He spread his legs wider with extreme need in his face, it almost looked pained.
The swordsman brings them closer together, pulls the lip of his pussy aside so he could see his throbbing little hole and presses his tip down into the soft bubble of flesh waiting for him. Sanji was so slick that the rest was easy, he jabs his shaft to the base with enough strength to look like a fighting move and the blonde's thighs are soon flush to his hips.
He chokes out a strangled gasp. The feeling of hot hardness in him was overwhelming every time. The way it put pressure against his sensitive spots, a clear visual of dick penetrating cunt drove him crazy.
There's tears in Sanji's eyes as he shakes, taking Zoro's thick length deep and deeper with every thrust, flesh snuggly giving away and making room for a slight stomach bulge behind his abs.
It was a sensation he both adored and loathed. He felt lucky that Zoro was willing to fuck him, the man had no standards after all, he preferred to stick his dick in assholes like a true savage. But Sanji had convinced him that his pussy felt better, that it was the way things were meant to be. And despite who was pinning him to the bed, the feeling of a penis inside a vagina turned Sanji on more than anything in the world.
"Ffffuuuck– Fuck, I-I hate you! I should be the one doing this, not you! What did you do to deserve this– this stupid, fat dick! Uuugh!" The cook moans out in utter frustration before rolling his eyes back, hands fisted in the sheets either side of them.
"You love it. You're obsessed with cock and just can't admit it." Zoro says dismissively as he pounds him, hand tight on his groin as he thumbs his clit harder.
Sanji lets out a strained grunt he was holding in as if finally breaking and giving up the fight.
"God, damnit– I wish I had one so bad, all I want to do is– i-is fuck a lady like this, fuck, fuck , it must feel so good!"
Sanji moans pathetically, lost in his own fantasy. If Zoro's cock felt this amazing inside him and his finger was only rolled rhythmically against his tiny dick, then imagine how much better it was to stick his cock in a woman. He wanted it so bad, to stick his pleasure in something perfect and beautiful instead of relying on a stupid man to ram him clean out of his mind.
"It's not fair…!" Sanji sobs between hiccups and sharp breaths of pleasure when Zoro pumped his hips in short bursts against his g-spot and makes him squeeze him in return with his soft walls. "How am I supposed to please a woman when I can't make them feel like this!?"
The blonde was completely wrecked at this point, losing his mind, cursing and crying, so close to cumming he was going lightheaded.
"You know, you don't need a dick to have sex with a woman. I'm pretty sure they'd find a way like how two men do." Zoro adds somewhat casually. Barely understanding the garbage Sanji complained about when he got like this, let alone having the sense to know he wasn't talking to him directly for half of it.
Sanji is taken out of his wonderful daydream a moment hearing the ridiculous input. Zoro switches his grip on him when Sanji looks like he'll start kicking again. The blonde fizzes out and sighs instead.
"I'm not good enough for any woman." He laments.
"I like your pretty little boy pussy though. They probably would too."
"Shut up!" He barks out, as if disgusted and insulted by the premise.
Zoro pressed down on him harder, squishing Sanji's body between his firm muscles and mattress until their faces were an inch apart.
"You're a treat when you don't act like something you're not." The swordsman breaths into his mouth, "I love fucking men with their soft, pillowy inviting little holes. And I would never get to feel them if sick perverted men like you didn't exist."
Sanji grinds his teeth hard, eyes glued aside as his face turns scorching red with embarrassment and anger.
"You hate that you see yourself as a man, but I don't." Zoro says with a raised brow.
"You and I are nothing alike." Sanji snaps at him. "You like men in all their disgusting, vile dirtiness. The grotesque fantasies and power trips. It makes me sick that you can fuck me breathless despite the way I am. How all I say is how much I need a woman under me and you can still get off in me." He huffs, thighs shaking as Zoro starts moving again. His high is getting closer and warmth spreads through his body. "I hate you, I hate that you have a cock and I wish I could rip it off your stupid body so I could use it to fuck women silly myself–!"
Zoro practically chuckles condescendingly. "You're a fucked up little guy." Is all he says as he picks up pace again, the swollen tip of his dick hard and shoved all the way back to the furthest wall of his cunt.
Sanji's eyes squeeze shut and his body starts tensing, "I'm gonna come–" barely leaves his lips. Zoro pulls out a second before he orgasms, knowing better after getting caught inside Sanji once and truly believing his dick would be crushed clean off him when the blonde flexed his lower muscles as hard as he could. He knew he did it purpose too, causing the swordsman unfathomable pain as he rode his orgasm as roughly as possible.
Zoro settles for finishing by grinding his shaft against Sanji's soaked petals and stimulating his clit, making him groan more. His cock releasing all over his abs. Something Sanji would grimace at the moment he came to his senses.
But for a second, the slighter man looked blissful. His golden bangs gently sweeping his sweaty forehead, curly brow raised high and most importantly– he stopped fucking talking.
Of course, the blonde's gentle fucked out expression doesn't last long and when he notices the mess he glares at Zoro. All he does is frown and say, "Gross."
Zoro blinks the haze from his own eyes, grabs Sanji's chin and leans in before he can squirm away. "You like it." Then he spits in the cook's open mouth as he is still regaining his breath.
Sanji genuinely tries to punch him in the face, good thing for observation haki. Zoro grabs his wrist and swipes it away, then gets off of him. Leaving Sanji to turn over on himself and curl his knees to his chest.
Zoro shuffles his pants back up and wipes the sex off his hand onto his slacks. He finds himself staring at the blonde's miserable, drunk expression. He was so strange, and often he left the swordsman wondering if he was really okay after shouting all that nonsense.
"You can top one of these days you know. I'd be happy to let you take control."
Sanji just frowns more and tries to get comfortable, too tired to wipe all the cum and slick off himself. His eyes closed and a hand settled in his bangs as if he was developing a splitting headache.
"No, this is how it's supposed to be."
Zoro just rolls his eyes and shuts the door behind him. He wished Sanji would just accept himself as a man already.